Lyr Add: /Tune Req Faux Gospel song in Good Omens

Subject: Lyr Add: /Tune Req Faux Gospel song in Good Omens
From: Haruo
Date: 11 Mar 03 - 12:21 AM

I have just finished reading the Neil Gaiman/Terry Pratchett novel Good Omens, and am wondering if anybody has a tune (and/or additional lyrics) for the song on pp. 249 & 251, "Jesus Is the Telephone Repairman on the Switchboard of My Life". I understand Mr. Pratchett is or was involved in a movie adaptation, so there may even be an "official" tune. Here is the passage in which it is embedded (note to Messrs. Gaiman and Pratchett: this is, of course, not copyright infringement but free advertising that will actually probably sell you a few books even if nobody answers my query):

     The lights went up. The Power Cable (Nebraska) Evangelical Choir launched into "Jesus Is the Telephone Repairman on the Switchboard of My Life," and almost drowned out the sound of the rising wind.
      Marvin O. Bagman adjusted his tie, checked his grin in the mirror, patted the bottom of his personal assistant (Miss Cindi Kellerhals, Penthouse Pet of the Month three years ago last July; but she had put all that behind her when she got Career), and he walked out onto the studio floor.

Jesus won't cut you off before you're through
With him you won't never get a crossed line,
And when your bill comes it'll all be properly itemized
He's the telephone repairman on the switchboard of my life,

the choir sang. Marvin was fond of that song. He had written it himself.
      Other songs he had written included: "Happy Mister Jesus," "Jesus, Can I Come and Stay at Your Place?" "That Ol' Fiery Cross," "Jesus Is the Sticker on the Bumper of My Soul," and "When I'm Swept Up by the Rapture Grab the Wheel of My Pick-Up." They were available on Jesus Is My Buddy (LP, cassette, and CD), and were advertised every four minutes on Bagman's evangelical network.*
      Despite the fact that the lyrics didn't rhyme, or, as a rule, make any sense, and that Marvin, who was not particularly musical, had stolen all the tunes from old country songs, Jesus Is My Buddy had sold over four million copies.
      Marvin had started off as a country singer, singing old Conway Twitty and Johnny Cash songs.
      He had done regular live concerts from San Quentin jail until the civil rights people got him under the Cruel and Unusual Punishment clause.
      It was then that Marvin got religion. Not the quiet, personal kind, that involves doing good deeds and living a better life; not even the kind that involves putting on a suit and ringing people's doorbells; but the kind that involves having your own TV network and getting people to send you money.
      He had found the perfect TV mix, on Marvin's Hour of Power ("The show that put the FUN back into Fundamentalist!"). Four three-minute songs from the LP, twenty minutes of Hellfire, and five minutes of healing people. (The remaining twenty-three minutes were spent alternately cajoling, pleading, threatening, begging, and occasionally simply asking for money.) In the early days he had actually brought people into the studio to heal, but had found that too complicated, so these days he simply proclaimed visions vouchsafed to him of viewers all across America getting magically cured as they watched. This was much simpler—he no longer needed to hire actors, and there was no way anyone could check on his success rate.*
      The world is a lot more complicated than most people believe. Many people believed, for example, that Marvin was not a true Believer because he made so much money out of it. They were wrong. He believed with all his heart. He believed utterly, and spent a lot of the money that flooded in on what he really thought was the Lord's work.

The phone line to the saviour's always free of interference
He's in at any hour, day or night
And when you call J-E-S-U-S you always call toll free
He's the telephone repairman on the switchboard of my life.

      The first song concluded, and Marvin walked in front of the cameras and raised his arms modestly for silence. In the control booth, the engineer turned down the Applause track.
      "Brothers and sisters, I've got a message for you all, an urgent message from our Lord, for you all, man and woman and little babes, friends, let me tell you about the Apocalypse. [...]

---

   

*$12.95 per LP or cassette, $24.95 per CD, although you got a free copy of the LP with every $500 you donated to Marvin Bagman's mission. [BACK]

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*It might have surprised Marvin to know there actually was a success rate. Some people would get better from anything. [BACK]

Haruo

Subject: RE: Lyr Add: THE ROYAL TELEPHONE
From: Burke
Date: 11 Mar 03 - 07:20 PM

I have no idea about a tune, but I could not find it's apparent inspiration in a forum search.


THE ROYAL TELEPHONE

Central's never "busy," always on the line;
You may hear from heaven almost any time;
'Tis a royal service, free for one and all;
When you get in trouble, give this royal line a call.

Refrain

Telephone to glory, O what joy divine!
I can feel the current moving on the line,
Built by God the Father for His loved and own,
We may talk to Jesus thru this royal telephone.

There will be no charges, telephone is free,
It was built for service, just for you and me;
There will be no waiting on this royal line,
Telephone to glory always answers just in time.

Refrain

Fail to get the answer, Satan's crossed your wire,
By some strong delusion, or some base desire;
Take away obstructions, God is on the throne,
And you'll get your answer thru this royal telephone.

Refrain

If your line is "grounded," and connection true
Has been lost with Jesus, tell you what to do;
Prayer and faith and promise, mend the broken wire,
'Till your soul is burning with the Pentecostal fire.

Refrain

Carnal combinations cannot get control
Of this line to glory, anchored in the soul;
Storm and trial cannot disconnect the line,
Held in constant keeping by the Father's hand divine.

Refrain

Words & Music: Frederick M. Lehman, 1919
Music at: Cyberhymnal
@religion

Subject: RE: Lyr Add: /Tune Req Faux Gospel song in Good Omens
From: GUEST
Date: 08 Jun 19 - 01:19 AM

Even though he doesn't sing it exactly,if you listen to the Audiobook,the narrator did this in such a way I still hear it in my head weeks after listening to it.

Subject: RE: Lyr Add: /Tune Req Faux Gospel song in Good Omens
From: Helen
Date: 08 Jun 19 - 07:30 AM

I read a news article this week saying that Good Omens has been made as a TV mini series. I think it has been released in the UK but not yet in Oz.

Good Omens is the first Terry Pratchett book I ever read and was the beginning of a very long period of my life when I read every new TP book as it was released. I then went in to a non-reading phase due to work stress etc and have only recently started reading seriously again, so I expect that I will be catching up on the other half of his list of books that I missed.

Subject: RE: Lyr Add: /Tune Req Faux Gospel song in Good Omens
From: Dave the Gnome
Date: 08 Jun 19 - 01:56 PM

The TV series is wonderful. In my opinion :-)

Subject: RE: Lyr Add: /Tune Req Faux Gospel song in Good Omens
From: Helen
Date: 04 Feb 20 - 09:15 PM

I am 2/3 of the way through the TV series on DVD. I bought the DVD, but I also decided to re-read the book before watching the series so I started watching it yesterday.

It's brilliant! Love it!

I am very close to seeing the bit where the faux gospel song will (hopefully) be sung so I'll see if I can identify a tune.

Basically, I just wanted to say how much I am enjoying the series. Any Pratchett/Gaiman fans should definitely check it out.

Subject: RE: Lyr Add: /Tune Req Faux Gospel song in Good Omens
From: GUEST,cnd
Date: 05 Feb 20 - 10:41 AM

You can hear some interpretations of the song here:

Allison Janey

Eloise Kay (partial song)



This Tumblr page says that the song was fictional

Subject: RE: Lyr Add: /Tune Req Faux Gospel song in Good Omens
From: GUEST,Pseudonymous
Date: 05 Feb 20 - 12:38 PM

I second what DTG said.

Subject: RE: Lyr Add: /Tune Req Faux Gospel song in Good Omens
From: cnd
Date: 05 Feb 20 - 01:23 PM

Well, I wasn't able to listen to the Allison Janey track before I shared it, but based on the demo track they give I don't think it's what we're looking for here

Subject: RE: Lyr Add: /Tune Req Faux Gospel song in Good Omens
From: Helen
Date: 11 Feb 20 - 05:50 PM

Well, I watched the episode where I thought the Faux Gospel song might be but as far as I can see, the song was not in it.

In the book there was quite an involved explanation about the evangelist and also some of the songs he had written but in the TV show, this was a very small stop in Aziraphale's quest to re-corporate i.e. find a body to temporarily inhabit.

After watching the whole show, I found some bits confusing but my final analysis is still "brilliant"!