Useless Information

Subject: RE: Useless Information
From: Peg
Date: 30 Mar 03 - 12:53 PM

Pumpernickel can be variously translated. farts of the devil, breaks wind like Satan, etc. But I have usually heard it associated with the devil himself, not goblins. I like the goblin one though.

Lessee...the longest English word in (more or less) common usage is pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcaniconiosis. It's a term for a type of lung disease miners get.
I am pretty sure I spelled it correctly, but am only doing so from memory. (That "ou" combination near the beginning perplexes me).

peg

Subject: RE: Useless Information
From: GUEST
Date: 30 Mar 03 - 02:37 AM

Okay, my contribution. The etymology of the word "pumpernickel," (that is, the lovely dark sour bread) is "goblin farts."

Subject: RE: Useless Information
From: Sam L
Date: 30 Mar 03 - 12:25 AM

HuwG, thanks. But are Concordes and CO's also more powerful than a locomotive?

You can re-set your internal clock by shining light on the backs of your knees. It amazes me that anyone thought to test this, but even more weirdly, it kinda makes sense to me.

Subject: RE: Useless Information
From: Helen
Date: 29 Mar 03 - 06:38 AM

Teribus said:   A cockroach will live nine days without its head before it starves to death.

I read in a book a long time ago (Densey clyne's Wildlife in the Suburbs, I think) that someone was doing experiments to determine the physiological effects of doing night shifts and they trained some cockroaches to only come out during the day instead of at night.

They then identified which part of the cockroach "remembered" this training (by removing more and more bits of the cockroaches' heads until the new behaviour was lost). Then they grafted headless bits of other trained cockroaches onto untrained cockroaches, and then these cockroaches ended up having nervous breakdowns because they were in internal conflict about whether to come out at night or in the daytime.

Well, that's how I remember the story, anyway.

Also, I learned that you can sneak up on cockroaches and tip or spray yucky stuff on them without them knowing you are right next to them, because it is the vibrations of your movements that they feel, rather than seeing or hearing you.

Helen

Subject: RE: Useless Information
From: HuwG
Date: 28 Mar 03 - 08:51 AM

Fred Miller, the "SLR" to which Dead Horse refers, is the British Army's old Self Loading Rifle. Its proper designation was the L1A1. It was a modification of the Belgian-designed FN FAL; unlike the FAL, it wouldn't fire bursts (unless you did some very improper things to the trigger sear with matches and the foil out of cigarette packets).

Unlike the British Army's current L85, the SLR would go bang under any conditions of mud, dust, heat, cold, water etc. Unfortunately, it didn't take much of a knock to put the sights out of alignment.

At the risk of starting thread drift, I remember a fellow trainee returning to West Down camp on Salisbury Plain one night, carrying just the barrel of his LMG (Light Machine Gun, L4A4, the old wartime Bren rebarrelled and rechambered); he had knocked the barrel change lever as he jumped out of a lorry in a simulated ambush, and we had to wait until daylight before we found the rest of the gun.


Useless information under the same heading:

Concorde flies faster than a speeding bullet;
Commanding Officers of battalions are also faster than a speeding bullet;
Senior NCO's are expert shots;
Second Lieutenants are not allowed anywhere near live ammunition;
Regimental Sergeants-Major catch speeding bullets between their teeth and chew them;


A soldier once had his date of enlistment mis-typed as 1066 (instead of 1966). On his discharge, he asked for 909 years of back pay. The Royal Army Pay Corps agreed, but then held a Court of Enquiry, and held him responsible for equipment not accounted for after the Battle of Hastings. After these deductions, they happily gave him the outstanding three pounds and forty pence.

Subject: RE: Useless Information
From: annamill
Date: 28 Mar 03 - 07:01 AM

Sometimes, when I'm reading threads here at Mudcat, I get a feeling that is reminicent(sp) of watching "Laugh In".

"Verrrry Interestin"

My son, who is 27 yrs of age, was talking to my Grandaughter (my daughters child), who is 6, one day.

She said "I have 50 boyfriends at school".
He said "Name them".
After a moment of hesitation, she said "They already have names!".

You had to be there!

Love, Annamill

Subject: RE: Useless Information
From: Teribus
Date: 27 Mar 03 - 10:39 AM

Something to cheer you up - Sent to me by e-mail

If you yelled for 8 years, 7 months and 6 days you would have produced
enough sound energy to heat one cup of coffee.
(Hardly seems worth it.)

If you farted consistently for 6 years and 9 months, enough gas is produced to create the energy of an atomic bomb.
(Now that's more like it!)

The human heart creates enough pressure when it pumps out to the body to squirt blood 30 feet.
(O.M.G.!)

A pig's orgasm lasts 30 minutes.
(In my next life, I want to be a pig.)

A cockroach will live nine days without its head before it starves to death.
(Creepy.)
(I'm still not over the pig.)

Banging your head against a wall uses 150 calories an hour.
(Do not try this at home...... maybe at work.)

The male praying mantis cannot copulate while its head is attached to its body. The female initiates sex by ripping the male's head off.
("Honey, I'm home. What the....?!")

The flea can jump 350 times its body length. It's like a human jumping the length of a football field.
(30 minutes!... lucky pig!!... can you imagine??)

The catfish has over 27,000 taste buds.
(What could be so tasty on the bottom of a pond?)

Some lions mate over 50 times a day.
(I still want to be a pig in my next life...quality over quantity)

Butterflies taste with their feet.
(Something I always wanted to know.)

The strongest muscle in the body is the tongue.
(Hmmmmmm...Bobert)

Right-handed people live, on average, nine years longer than left-handed people.
(If you're ambidextrous, do you split the difference?)

Elephants are the only animals that cannot jump.
(OK, so that would be a good thing....)

A cat's urine glows under a black light.
(I wonder who was paid to figure that out?)

An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain.
(I know some people like that.)

Starfish have no brains.
(I know some people like that too.)

Polar bears are left-handed.
(If they switch, they'll live a lot longer.)

Humans and dolphins are the only species that have sex for pleasure.
(What about that pig??)

SINSULL:

There is no other culprit Queen. What Marie Antionette did say was let them eat "brioche" a sweet tasting sort of bread. There was no equivalent in the english language so brioche became cake.

Subject: RE: Useless Information
From: Bill D
Date: 25 Mar 03 - 01:06 PM

(and you can still read the winners from the week before here) (on miserly ways to ride out the recession)

Subject: RE: Useless Information
From: Bill D
Date: 25 Mar 03 - 12:58 PM

for the nexr few days, you can submit items you think are worthwhile to the Washington Post "Style Invitational"...a weekly humor contest. This week, it just happens to BE about useless information!



click for article with examples and info

(the winners for an earlier contest are excellent this week, also!)

Subject: RE: Useless Information
From: Deda
Date: 25 Mar 03 - 12:11 PM

The first kings of England after the Norman invasion of 1066:

William the Conqueror,
William his son,
Henry, Steven, Henry,
Then Richard and John.

Unfortunately I only remember this little snippet. It was the opening of a poem that, if I could only remember it, went up through King George, I think.

Subject: RE: Useless Information
From: GUEST
Date: 25 Mar 03 - 11:07 AM

you dont need to give pain killers to an unconsaious patient as they cant feel if they are unconscious. But you wouldnt beleive the people who try in a hospital

Subject: RE: Useless Information
From: GUEST
Date: 25 Mar 03 - 11:03 AM

Scotsmen make the best lovers look up their kilts its true

Subject: RE: Useless Information
From: Pied Piper
Date: 25 Mar 03 - 07:50 AM

When you walk across a wet lawn with lots of worms in it, each step is accompanied by a hissing bubbling noise that travels out from the step point slowly into the distance.
I conclude from this that the speed of a worm's reaction to vibration is proportional to the intensity.
pp

Subject: RE: Useless Information
From: Sam L
Date: 24 Mar 03 - 09:26 AM

One of the ways Picasso's are authenticated is that he usually mixed some ultra-marine into his blacks, and other painters typically didn't.
   Carbon dating can be used to date some twentieth century artifacts because it registers nuclear events.

Subject: RE: Useless Information
From: GUEST,Sooz(at work)
Date: 24 Mar 03 - 08:45 AM

So ultra violet is the new black!
You learn something new every day.

Subject: RE: Useless Information
From: Jim Dixon
Date: 23 Mar 03 - 01:45 PM

GUEST,Sooz(at work): Black light is another name for ultraviolet light. Pure ultraviolet light is invisible, by definition, but most devices that produce ultraviolet light also emit a small amount of visible light, causing them to appear purple, and not strictly black.

Some substances have the ability to absorb ultraviolet light and emit visible light. DayGlo® fluorescent pigments (etc.) and the "brighteners" that are added to some laundry detergents do this, as well as some natural substances.

Subject: RE: Useless Information
From: fiddler
Date: 23 Mar 03 - 06:32 AM

Ebbie,

The moon is made of green cheese too!

A

Subject: RE: Useless Information
From: Ebbie
Date: 23 Mar 03 - 12:54 AM

(Thanks for this thread. Too funny.)

In the dark, a cold peeled onion tastes like an apple.

No matter what the breed, size, age or nationality, dogs still recognize each other as dogs.

Tom Cruise isn't so terribly short, I believe. Kidman is 6 feet tall.

Subject: RE: Useless Information
From: Padre
Date: 22 Mar 03 - 11:19 PM

How to remember the Presidents of the United States up through the second second term of Grover Cleveland [our only two term, non-consecutive president]:
Wash And Jeff Made Many A Joke. Van Buren Had Troubles, Plenty To Find, Poor Banknotes. Let Johnson Go Home, Greatly Agitated, Concerning His Condition.

Padre

Subject: RE: Useless Information
From: Giac
Date: 22 Mar 03 - 10:34 AM

Steve --

Unless you set the school on fire.

Ah, but that's another story for another day and another thread.

~;o)

Mary

Subject: RE: Useless Information
From: Schantieman
Date: 22 Mar 03 - 10:23 AM

I'm astonished (as a Science teacher) that the nuns let you anywhere near either sodim or fluorine! Once they'd reacted (VERY violently) I don't suppose there'd've been much of the fume cupboard left - or the lab, for that matter, but there should be no further danger.

Unless you set the school on fire.

Steve

Subject: RE: Useless Information
From: Bill D
Date: 22 Mar 03 - 08:48 AM

"It takes a hell of a big dog to weigh a ton"

Some of you need to be careful...I read stuff up there that can potentially be quite useful!

Subject: RE: Useless Information
From: Giac
Date: 22 Mar 03 - 08:12 AM

If one mixes flourine gas and sodium, without turning on the hood vent sucker thing, the nuns at the all-girls school become really agitated and scream shrilly for everyone to "GET OUT!"

They evacuate the entire school. Envision flying veils and flapping coifs.

The fire department responds and firemen race up and down four flights of long, spiral terrazo stairs.

This latter is a definite plus for gaggles of teenage girls.

The weeks of "on your knees" penance, and endless lectures are not nearly so wonderful. But 45 years later, one can still cherish the memory of the moment, so maybe the information is not all that useless.

Unrelated: On three occasions, many years apart, I have been approached by flying ants, which landed in front of me, plucked off their wings, placed them carefully in the form of an X, and walked away. ?????

Subject: RE: Useless Information
From: GUEST,boab_d
Date: 22 Mar 03 - 04:39 AM

there are 48 long poles 10 short poles 15 universal brackets 10 cross sections and 10 T peices in a british army 18x 24 tent.
bovril milk and black pepper make a really good drink (try it just once)
Dylan

Subject: RE: Useless Information
From: Deda
Date: 22 Mar 03 - 12:43 AM

Religio, religionis is the Latin word that religion comes from, And the origin of it might be "to tie again" or "to tie back" (as one might tie the legs of sacrificial animals, say) but it isn't really "return to bondage".

I have a lot of useless information in my head but the datum that's knocking to get out right now is not a fun one. The USA is spending approximately $3,500 per citizen of Iraq on this unpopular war. For that amount, we could probably take out individual contracts on their lives -- or, much better, fly them all to Crawford Texas.

Subject: RE: Useless Information
From: SINSULL
Date: 21 Mar 03 - 09:49 PM

Actually, Marie Antoinette never said "Let them eat cake." i would have to look up the earlier queen who did and gave poor Marie a bad name.

Subject: RE: Useless Information
From: Sam L
Date: 21 Mar 03 - 06:33 PM

Emus are the only animal I know who wear a 50's hairstyle.

The mohawk is a popular haircut in the animal kingdom.

Warthogs sport a balding combover.

Subject: RE: Useless Information
From: Penny S.
Date: 21 Mar 03 - 04:59 PM

Seeing off geese, also tested on swans. Same principle as the emu. Extend your arm with the hand shaped into a rough outline of an anseriform head and bill. Hiss. Advance on the bird. I usually bend a bit to stop my head breaking the impression of large, very large goose. I have not tested this on birds close to eggs or young, and would not recommend it.

Penny

Subject: RE: Useless Information
From: Sooz
Date: 21 Mar 03 - 12:13 PM

Thanks Fred.

Subject: RE: Useless Information
From: Bagpuss
Date: 21 Mar 03 - 09:46 AM

I have encyclopaedic knowledge of kids tv programmes from the 70s and early 80s, and can sing most of the theme songs to them.

And its not information, but I can move my eyebrows independently of eachother (and to music) and make my tongue into the shape of a clover leaf.

Bagpuss

Subject: RE: Useless Information
From: Sam L
Date: 21 Mar 03 - 09:30 AM

Dead Horse--is SLR a single lens reflex camera? Or what? I can do some complicated photo processing stuff in the dark and wearing rubber gloves.

   Black light is a purplish light we used to have in our smoke-filled rooms in the seventies.

Can somebody tell me why you need a "hot water heater"?
I have a water heater to heat cold water, do I need another for heating the hot water?

Subject: RE: Useless Information
From: GUEST,Sooz(at work)
Date: 21 Mar 03 - 08:44 AM

1. Amos - it fits into the bifurcated vagina of the female.
2. Can someone tell me what Black Light is? Black is the absence of light - go caving and switch off your light for proof!

Subject: RE: Useless Information
From: Dead Horse
Date: 21 Mar 03 - 05:02 AM

So Rapaire can field-strip an M-1 rifle, and name the parts.
I can field-strip a British pattern SLR & name the parts, while wearing a blindfold and woolly gloves!!!
(but getting it all back together is something different, as I ALWAYS have enough bits left over to make an M-1)

Subject: RE: Useless Information
From: Amos
Date: 20 Mar 03 - 03:33 PM

That requires a perspective we are not encouraged to take in public, fiddler.

A

Subject: RE: Useless Information
From: fiddler
Date: 20 Mar 03 - 03:07 PM

From another persective something I don't know - What is the difference between a G string and a wedgie?

Subject: RE: Useless Information
From: Beccy
Date: 20 Mar 03 - 10:33 AM

Tom Cruise is a very short man.

Subject: RE: Useless Information
From: jimmyt
Date: 20 Mar 03 - 10:31 AM

More people die each year from falling coconuts striking them on the head than die from shark attacks. just when you thought it was safer to walk on the beach than in the water.............

Subject: RE: Useless Information
From: Rapparee
Date: 20 Mar 03 - 10:03 AM

Ha! I used to date Melba Toast -- she was hot stuff, but crusty until you buttered her up.

(Not very sorry at all....)

Subject: RE: Useless Information
From: Sam L
Date: 20 Mar 03 - 09:45 AM

Most people under thirty don't know what melba toast is.

Cat urine glows under a black light.

Pig orgasms last about thirty minutes. Men are pigs? we wish.

The common spring mousetrap was patented may 23, 1916, by J&C Morton, pat. #1,184,558.

Canines have been selectively bred for prefered qualities for more than ten thousand years, and they're still just dogs.

Subject: RE: Useless Information
From: Troll
Date: 19 Mar 03 - 10:14 PM

Melba toast was created by mistake.
More people die each year from bee stings than from snakebite.
Pumice floats.
The "cake" that Marie Antoinette refered to was the floury dough that fell from the bread pans and adhered to the sides of the oven when the bread was baked. It happened when there were air pockets in the dough. It had nothing to do with desert.

troll

Subject: RE: Useless Information
From: SINSULL
Date: 19 Mar 03 - 09:46 PM

Tortellini was invented by an italian chef who was totally enamored with his neighbor's navel.

Champagne glasses (not flutes) were designed upon the size and shape of Marie Antoinette's breasts. She should have eaten the cake herself and put a little weight on.

Subject: RE: Useless Information
From: jimmyt
Date: 19 Mar 03 - 09:29 PM

Rapaire seen with a pile of rifle bits and pieces moving them from one pile to another:

"Well, this is Wesley, this is Norma, this is Nick, this one is Betty................"

Subject: RE: Useless Information
From: Rapparee
Date: 19 Mar 03 - 09:04 PM

I can field-strip an M-1 rifle, and name the parts.

Subject: RE: Useless Information
From: fiddler
Date: 19 Mar 03 - 01:53 PM

If ever you are at a jumble sale!

Subject: RE: Useless Information
From: Wesley S
Date: 19 Mar 03 - 01:50 PM

Hmmmm - I'm taller than Richard Gere - hows that for useless ?

Subject: RE: Useless Information
From: Amos
Date: 19 Mar 03 - 12:59 PM

Information that is unfortunately nearly useless today: Thomas Jefferson and his peers were of the opinion "A Prince whose character is thus marked by every act which may define a Tyrant, is unfit to be the ruler of a free people.".

A

Subject: RE: Useless Information
From: Mark Clark
Date: 19 Mar 03 - 12:49 PM

During the 1950s a group typed up the U.S. Declaration of Independence in the form of a modern petition. Almost no one recognized the text and very few could be persuaded to sign it.

      - Mark

Subject: RE: Useless Information
From: open mike
Date: 19 Mar 03 - 12:17 PM

one of my favorite Candid Camera segments
involves interviewer questioning people
up and down a street filled with shops
looking to find somoe scruples, and each
person they spoke with claimed there were
none to be found there..

Subject: RE: Useless Information
From: Beccy
Date: 19 Mar 03 - 11:19 AM

If you put finely ground black pepper on vanilla ice cream, you will not taste the pepper.

(That was one of my Mom's favorite parlor shocker tricks...)


Beccy

Subject: RE: Useless Information
From: Sam L
Date: 19 Mar 03 - 11:07 AM

Whoops, that's a mos! A mos, Amos. A mot is of course something else, a word, a remark, a bon mot.