Obit: My friend JP

Subject: Obit: My friend J.P.
From: Peg
Date: 19 Mar 03 - 11:29 AM

J.P. Slota, 33 years old, died on March 13, 2003. He had melanoma which spread to his liver.
I was with him in the hospital at the end, though not at the exact moment of his passing. But his father was there, as he had been for weeks, forgoing sleep and his own needs to be at his son's side. This devotion was so moving; I knew he was close to his father but not how devoted the father was to the son until I met him.
JP was a dear friend I camped with every summer, and also saw throughout the year, though he lived in New Jersey and I was in Boston.
I post this here at the Mudcat because he loved music and we shared many musical moments together at pagan gatherings we've been attending together for ten years.
He was very, very supportive of my musical endeavors. Once I needed some copies of a demo CD and he made them and posted them overnight to me, just because I happened to mention needing them and was not sure what sort of equipment I needed to make them. He was a computer genius and always ready to lend a hand. (My Mac is loaded with software he installed for me).
He was the kind of person who is truly one in a hundred million. Generous to a fault, compassionate, full of integrity, always thinking of others, always there to help. And a decadent fun-loving soul besides.
When I'd be singing with my band at the summer festivals, he'd be there the night of the gig, having helped us make flyers on his computer (in the middle of the woods, J.P. was always equipped with any tool for the job, from axes to awls to laptop computers!), brought us cold beers to drink during and after the show, and dressed to the nines, having shed his t-shirt and tool vest from the day to wear an evening ensemble of kilt, leather armor, chainmail vest, or whatever other concoction he felt like that night. He always acted like coming to watch me perform was a special occasion.
He was like a brother, soulmate and husband to me at times, though our relationship was always a platonic one (though he delighted in calling me his "platonic concubine" as I did all the housekeeping while camping!)
He touched thousands of people around the world. His family business was a very successful one allowing him to travel widely and also to be a generous host to his many friends.
One friend tells me that J.P.'s death is a gift. In the midst of my heartbreak, I find it difficult to comprehend this. But I know my dear friend believed in me when I didn't believe in myself, and now that he is gone, I am the one who has to believe. And there really is no greater gift for one friend to give another.

peg

Subject: RE: Obit: My friend JP
From: Catherine Jayne
Date: 19 Mar 03 - 11:40 AM

Sorry to hear of your loss. JP sounds a wonderful person.

You and his family are in our thoughts.

Subject: RE: Obit: My friend JP
From: open mike
Date: 19 Mar 03 - 11:51 AM

your friend sounds like he was an imoportant part of your life.
YOu will think of him when you use your computer, when you go
camping, play music and often. Know that he will be with you in
spirit. Certainly his life was a gift. that is much too short
of a life--he accompl.ished much during his time here, by the
sounds of it. my heart goes out to you and the others feeling
his loss. hugs.

Subject: RE: Obit: My friend JP
From: Ebbie
Date: 19 Mar 03 - 12:06 PM

In a similar loss once, it occurred to me that those of us who were grieving were the lucky ones. The others had never known him. Sounds like JP was one of those special people that no one forgets. Treasure the experience, treasure him. {{{{{{HUGS}}}}}}}

Subject: RE: Obit: My friend JP
From: Amos
Date: 19 Mar 03 - 12:53 PM

Peg:

My condolences on your loss. I hope you get a chance to find him, out there, and let him know how much he meant to you over the years. A little closure on a soul to soul basis.

Fondest regards,


A

Subject: RE: Obit: My friend JP
From: katlaughing
Date: 19 Mar 03 - 01:03 PM

Peg, he sounds like a wonderful person. I am so sorry for your loss. Your love for him and his for you come through beautifully in your writing and I thank you for sharing it with us.

Blessed Be,

kat

Subject: RE: Obit: My friend JP
From: Morticia
Date: 19 Mar 03 - 01:36 PM

{{{{hugs}}}}

Subject: RE: Obit: My friend JP
From: Mudlark
Date: 19 Mar 03 - 04:22 PM

Dear Peg...So sorry for your loss, obviously a huge one, but also clear that you let him know how much he meant to you while you could. The friendship you shared is a gift that will be with you always. Take care of yourself in this sad time... nancy

Subject: RE: Obit: My friend JP
From: harpgirl
Date: 19 Mar 03 - 04:54 PM

Peg...so sorry you lost such a dear friend....

Subject: RE: Obit: My friend JP
From: Genie
Date: 19 Mar 03 - 07:47 PM

Peg, from what you say, it sounds like I dodged a bullet when I had a #2 melanoma removed about 15 years ago. I am terribly sorry that your wonderful friend JP was not as fortunate and his was not detected in time.

As others have said, such friends leave a lot of themselves with us when they depart. Sounds like JP left a deep and far-reaching legacy.

Genie

Subject: RE: Obit: My friend JP
From: Peg
Date: 19 Mar 03 - 11:16 PM

thanks so much for all your kind words everyone. Friendship and kindness will surely be the only way for me to get through this. I have grieved the sudden and sad loss of loved ones before, but this one hurts more than all of them combined somehow.
peg

Subject: RE: Obit: My friend JP
From: fat B****rd
Date: 20 Mar 03 - 03:28 PM

Please accept my condolences and best regards.

Subject: RE: Obit: My friend JP
From: Deda
Date: 21 Mar 03 - 12:32 AM

Thank you for writing about him so eloquently. It reminds me of a couple of lost friends of my own.

Death of someone you love sucks. It may be a gift, it may be a relief somehow, but it still sucks. Even if we hold out hope of seeing the person again someday, that just never really makes up for the fact that we can't get them on the phone ever again, we can't hear them laugh or hug them. I'm sorry you're going through this.

A good song if you want Grief music is "Time to learn", on the CD Tim O'Brien and the Oh Boys. But don't listen to it if you have to go anywhere afterwards because you may not be up to it. At least that was my reaction the first several times I heard it.

People say you get over the loss. I'm not so sure that's true, really. You just get distracted, and it kind of crusts over. But the volume goes down. Blessings on you.

Subject: RE: Obit: My friend JP
From: gnu
Date: 21 Mar 03 - 06:38 AM

Thoughts and prayers.

Subject: RE: Obit: My friend JP
From: stevetheORC
Date: 21 Mar 03 - 07:20 AM

Peg
Our deepest condolences to both you and his family. You, they and he are in our thoughts.

Steve & Nikki(Pushkin)

Subject: RE: Obit: My friend JP
From: Jeanie
Date: 21 Mar 03 - 07:52 AM

Words from a card I was once sent:

"Some people come into our lives and quickly go,
Some stay a time and leave footprints on our hearts
And we are never the same"

Sending Love and All Good Thoughts to you Peg, and to everyone who knew and loved your friend JP.

- jeanie

Subject: RE: Obit: My friend JP
From: Micca
Date: 21 Mar 03 - 08:19 AM

Peg, loving hugs and much caring from your Friends here

" We live on in the memories of those we Touch, and that we allow to touch us"
Micca