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BS: Happy Birthday Spaw!!!
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Subject: RE: BS: Happy Birthday Spaw!!! From: catspaw49 Date: 05 May 03 - 03:57 PM I suppose he could be Carol.......I've heard that he can be awfully hard on the Beaver.......... Spaw |
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Subject: RE: BS: Happy Birthday Spaw!!! From: CarolC Date: 05 May 03 - 03:15 PM Khandu has slid into a parallel universe again -- he thinks he's June Cleaver! How do we know he isn't June Cleaver? Hmmmmmm? (hmmmm... ) |
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Subject: RE: BS: Happy Birthday Spaw!!! From: catspaw49 Date: 05 May 03 - 02:31 PM I fear the boy still ain't altogether well......... The Boys didn't show yesterday, but I got a call this morning from Paw who was as hard to understand as usual. It seems they still have a little work to do on the "aireyashun" system(?) whatever that is but they are anxious to get on the road because they have a long way to go. They said they'd stop by as they needed to pack up their other stuff. I asked Paw about the contracted job they have but all I could get was it was a fundraiser for some guy named Benny who has a foundattion of some sort. Beats me. Probably some Cosa Nostra type for all they know.....Benny "The Blaster" Carpaletti or something huh? LOL....Oh well, we'll see........... Spaw |
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Subject: RE: BS: Happy Birthday Spaw!!! From: Amos Date: 05 May 03 - 12:40 AM Khandu has slid into a parallel universe again -- he thinks he's June Cleaver! A |
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Subject: RE: BS: Happy Birthday Spaw!!! From: khandu Date: 04 May 03 - 10:04 PM Sun-Pine Cleaner with Bleach is formulated for sinks, counter tops, tubs, tiles,toilets, and many other hard non-porous surfaces. Not for prolonged contact with metal, old porcelain or formica, or worn plastic laminate. Directions: Spray carefully onto soiled area. For tough stains, let stand for one minute. Rub, wipe or rinse clean. Avoid contact with clothes, fabric, carpet, wood, painted and paper surfaces. Keep out of reach of children. k |
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Subject: RE: BS: Happy Birthday Spaw!!! From: Bee-dubya-ell Date: 04 May 03 - 08:45 PM HAPPY 200TH POST TO YOUR UNBIRTHDAY THREAD, ASSHOLE!!!! Bruce |
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Subject: RE: BS: Happy Birthday Spaw!!! From: Rustic Rebel Date: 04 May 03 - 08:18 PM rangerroger, how do you make it bigger? You mean you need help? All you small dick men should be happy that at least you don't have the Tanuki scrotum to go along with the small dicks! But then again, it might be fun to be carring your drum with you everywhere you go. Tanuki balls Rustic |
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Subject: RE: BS: Happy Birthday Spaw!!! From: Tweed Date: 04 May 03 - 09:15 AM LMAO!! Dangit Spaw, and all that coming from a feller who kin use a peyote button to cover hiz privvits wif room to spare!! rr, I kin set you up wif a load ob folks who iz got wayz to enlarge dang near anything wif any method. They sends me more emails than I got time to read and hab run up the credit card on these diverse products. I may have gone too far though, as lately I hab found it necklasary to tie a good sized weight on it and keep it from gettin' hung up in the ceiling fan... Yerz, Tweed |
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Subject: RE: BS: Happy Birthday Spaw!!! From: catspaw49 Date: 04 May 03 - 08:28 AM Geez double r...."Tweedster, how do I make it bigger?"...............Man, do you really want to ask that? You think Tweed's got one of them pumps or what? I dunno'....maybe he does.....Come to think of it he used to advertize for them: "Yeah Friends, I used to have a miserable little half-inch prick, but after using the Johnny Wadd Peter Pump I now sport a boner the size of a half-eaten cocktail weenie!"........Yeah, that was Tweed.......... Spaw |
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Subject: RE: BS: Happy Birthday Spaw!!! From: rangeroger Date: 04 May 03 - 01:50 AM All I know is, that picture got me laughing so hard my chest hurt. Tweedster, how do I make it bigger? rr |
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Subject: RE: BS: Happy Birthday Spaw!!! From: Tweed Date: 04 May 03 - 01:17 AM Dammit Bruce, you're absolutely right, they ARE tits....and I'm not so sure that it's Kingkhandoo at all, I believe that it may very well be none other than ....Old Man Rafferty's wife! How she got stuck in Paw's ass iz beyond me though... My humble apologies yore Highness, I will look in the Royal archives and see if I can locate your Grace's smiling countenance caught in mid-launch. Yerz, Tweed d'Cootz |
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Subject: RE: BS: Happy Birthday Spaw!!! From: Bee-dubya-ell Date: 04 May 03 - 01:01 AM Bullshit! They're tits! I may be an ass man but, by God, I know tits when I see 'em and those are tits! What I wanna know is, "Where'd ya get the cute green sweater from, Kenny?". By the way, the tits were just a short-term side effect of some of the Fun bunch, those NYCFTTS docs. Bruce |
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Subject: RE: BS: Happy Birthday Spaw!!! From: catspaw49 Date: 03 May 03 - 11:29 PM I don't think ya' got tits King....I think it appears that way as you are about to be fired out of Paw's ass and have reached the point in the exit where you're bunghole to bunghole and the added backpressure on your alimentary canal causes your chest to expand. But you see, as the massive Paw fart shoots you high in the air, the reverse effect occurs as your boobs discharge back through your ass and "cleans the barrel" so to speak. Same basic principle as a semi-automatic action in a rifle. Or maybe ya' do got tits......Remember the old saying, "I was sad because I had no tits til I met a man that had no dick." Spaw |
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Subject: RE: BS: Happy Birthday Spaw!!! From: Tweed Date: 03 May 03 - 09:12 PM Deer Yore Lordship, Ef yoo thinks them iz tits, then you wuz nursing on the wrong end of yore Mammy! Which culd explane a lotta things in yore behavior what habv been worryin' me lately.. Yerz, Tweed Coot d'Jour |
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Subject: RE: BS: Happy Birthday Spaw!!! From: khandu Date: 03 May 03 - 08:56 PM Well, I am cornfused. I admit, it looks like me but there is something amiss here. Maybe you can help me out there, Tweedzzzrrz. Did I, during my breif but severe mental malady, grow tits???!! If this is me, the King, in the picture, please help me remember and what ever became of the tits? I sure could use 'em now. Hell, I'd put a mirror on my Royal ceiling and lie in bed and stare at my wonderful golden bonzoes all night! It'd sure save me a lot of money! Kk |
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Subject: RE: BS: Happy Birthday Spaw!!! From: Tweed Date: 03 May 03 - 08:12 PM I can not disagree wif you Lin in Kansas. There is a sartin "un-freshness" about this entire, unwholesome chapter in this snakepit known only as the Mudcat BS section. We hab been placed on the back ob the bus, and rightfully so. There ain't no higher form of BS then posting this photo, which I have reason to believe is a fine candid shot ob Paw (left) with the King of Mizzippi, performing at last year's Bolivar County BakedPossum Fest. Why this is the BS section.jpg Yerz, Tweed |
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Subject: RE: BS: Happy Birthday Spaw!!! From: Lin in Kansas Date: 03 May 03 - 07:10 PM Khandu and Tweed: This thread and the word "refresh" have absolutely nothing to do with one another... Lin |
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Subject: RE: BS: Happy Birthday Spaw!!! From: khandu Date: 03 May 03 - 06:03 PM Tweedzer, I thunk you have to type the word "refresh" in this box to refresh a thread. Otherwise it just grows stale. Kk |
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Subject: RE: BS: Happy Birthday Spaw!!! From: Tweed Date: 03 May 03 - 03:45 PM ....hmmff??..whatzat....Is it Spaw's birfday yet? And whut the hail does PPPPSantaTation stand for anyhoo.....Paw's Perdygood Porta-Pottys?.... Yerz, Tweed PS. I sure wisht I knowed how to refresh this thing, it's almost off the board..... |
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Subject: RE: BS: Happy Birthday Spaw!!! From: catspaw49 Date: 03 May 03 - 03:39 PM Yeah, I'm kinda' fearing what's to come myself. I can't figure out what all this stuff has to do with the others and as I have learned from long association with the Boys is that somehow it will....and it likely as not won't be pretty. Paw called early this morning....once again collect....and said that they were just mounting the caster platforms on the SIX new crappers and they'd be ready to go. I asked him why they were at Bob Evans Farms for this and he launched into one of his long rambling tales that I couldn't make sense of at all. I guess they got them from Bob's place where I do remember them having them for their annual festivals on the farm. (Great fests btw....even had a chicken flying contest) I thought they rented them but I guess not. Then again Paw said something about "converting" them so I really have no idea what the hell is happening. It gets really hard listening to Paw at times since he punctuates everything with a fart which I can hear even over the phone. After all these years I should be used to it but trying to listen is tough when it's like, "Catspaw, these are some mighty **brawmp** fine crappers we got now and we done **flreep** changed the name of the company to **pert** PPPP Sanitation.**rriipppp**" Christamighty....I can hardly wait. At least they ain't calling the "Crappers on Casters" anymore and that's plus! Paw said they already have contracted a job for next weekend so maybe things are turning around for them. Why can't I believe that? Spaw |
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Subject: RE: BS: Happy Birthday Spaw!!! From: khandu Date: 02 May 03 - 05:44 PM Alas! I fear terrible things about to come. Don't y'all say I didn't warn you to stop this stuff. Ya shudda nipped it in the bud! k |
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Subject: RE: BS: Happy Birthday Spaw!!! From: Amos Date: 02 May 03 - 04:57 PM Uh-oh....I suspect some fertility rite has gone awry and wreaked undue influence on poor Spaw's brain. Hang tight, I can smell it coming.... A |
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Subject: RE: BS: Happy Birthday Spaw!!! From: catspaw49 Date: 02 May 03 - 12:49 PM Well, I just got a call, collect of course, from Cletus who now says they are back in the porta-potty business. Since their last one was destroyed in the Gala, I asked him how. He said, "Catspaw, we got it all worked out and now we just have a few things to do. We'll see you maybe on Sunday."..............right..........I don't know what to think. Last I knew they were going to Bob Evans Farm which makes sausage and runs restaurants. Now they're back in the porta-potty biz. I guess I'll find out whether i want to or not.....and somehow I don't. BTW, I went out to fire up my grill the other night (since the barbeque built by khandu's forkers turned to mud) and found I had no propane. I mean I wasn't just out, the gawdamn tank was gone! If that wasn't bad enough, I met another neighbor who said his was missing too. Then when I came home, I peeked across the fence into the the other heighbor's backyard, the one with the garden gnomes.....and his is gone too. He's planning a big "Kentucky Derby Party" this weekend and when he finds his propane tank missing........ Spaw |
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Subject: RE: BS: Happy Birthday Spaw!!! From: Lin in Kansas Date: 02 May 03 - 01:11 AM Wow! Thanks, Rustic, for directing me to that other thread--I was gonna have to up my dose of Effexor if I didn't find out what happened to all them Paul dolls! Glad you managed to get both feet back on the ground, even if the cotton candy didn't make a very good landing pad. BTW, did anyone ever figure out what the Tongue Talking Mohunkers were planning to do with those bits of duct tape littered with yanked-out Khandu hair? That kind of thing could be dangerous in the wrong hands; improper disposal could cause monsters to evolve from the sewage plant across the street from their new church--I can see it now: it's the dark of night, and a furry, shambling creature stumbles from the door of the sewage plant, mumbling something about "Spaw!" and "Ducks!" in an exaggerated Southern drawl. Lin |
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Subject: RE: BS: Happy Birthday Spaw!!! From: Rustic Rebel Date: 01 May 03 - 11:44 PM Well Lin, I ain't no Mopep Mamma no more, it's a long strange story, barely survived. You can read it here on ...The Gala Fireworks Display thread I am happy to say I'm almost recovered and ready for a new adventure! Peace. Rustic |
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Subject: RE: BS: Happy Birthday Spaw!!! From: rangeroger Date: 01 May 03 - 08:27 PM Well,I was trying to make my birthday greetings coincide with my 1,000th post. Failing to post lately has delayed that.So, HAPPY BIRTHDAY ASSHOLE! You need a good kick in the balls. rr |
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Subject: RE: BS: Happy Birthday Spaw!!! From: Bugsy Date: 01 May 03 - 06:46 AM You're not STILL celebrating birthdays are you you old Bastard?? You must be at least 140 not out!! Happy Birthday and God bless mate!! cheersw bugsy |
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Subject: RE: BS: Happy Birthday Spaw!!! From: Amos Date: 01 May 03 - 12:23 AM You hit the vapor-nail right on its little vapor-head, man. Amos is Never Mind personified, is what. He is so out, he's in!! I mean, that's out there, ya know? And as for fixatives, aside from occasionally getting my mitts stuck closed with Super Glue, I dunno about no fixatives. I've been through a few sticky wickets here and there, but somehow I always come out smelling like Teflon, eh? Even without prozac. So, khandu, I'm really not a target for this kinda crap. It would be like trying to thumbtack sunlight to a wall, ya know what I mean? Like trying to put a paintball through a moonbeam. Lassoing a fogbank. It just ain't in the works to happen, mah man. So let's see -- why don't we celebrate the engagement of Hester and Lepus Rex? There yah go -- run widdit!! A |
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Subject: RE: BS: Happy Birthday Spaw!!! From: catspaw49 Date: 01 May 03 - 12:20 AM Well, there are some loose ends needing tied up, but thye seem to be more unraveled than tied up. The Boys sat over at the Tavern for two days before coming ot me and saying they were heading down to Southern Ohio to Bob Evans Farms.....you know, the sausage and restaurant places. After the foery demise of their last Crapper on Casters I was pretty worried about them but they seem in good spirits....and that worries me a lot more. The Forkers? After completing the barbeque out back and half a smokeer pit, they headed back to Mississippi ad I thank whatever gods may be that they're gone. Seems they used Genuine Mississippi Mud Bricks which hadn't fully cured and we had a rain on Easter Sunday turning my backyard in the Delta and overflowing mud covered the neighbor's garden gnomes and now he's all pissed at me again. He's also pissed because...........Aw hell, I'm too tired to tell that sordid tale tonight. Later........ Spaw |
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Subject: RE: BS: Happy Birthday Spaw!!! From: CarolC Date: 30 Apr 03 - 11:59 PM No Prozac for me... I never take any of those psychedelic drugs... |
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Subject: RE: BS: Happy Birthday Spaw!!! From: Tweed Date: 30 Apr 03 - 11:57 PM Khandu.....khandukhandukhandukhanduk.... Out of the Sanitarium, claiming to be "sane",...and then came immediately back to this thread!!! |
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Subject: RE: BS: Happy Birthday Spaw!!! From: Lin in Kansas Date: 30 Apr 03 - 11:38 PM Atta boy, Bee-dubya-ell! Exactly, and so there! Lin |
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Subject: RE: BS: Happy Birthday Spaw!!! From: Bee-dubya-ell Date: 30 Apr 03 - 10:57 PM You're missing the point, Ken. It's great that you're cured, but that was the point of the early part of this thread. The object now is just to keep the sumbitch from falling off of the page until Spaw's real birthday gets here on June 7th & 8th. It's not about you and it's not about farts and it's not even about Spaw anymore. Spaw's just the vessel that has been randomly chosen for this experiment in Mudcat thread excess. It's Jeff's fault for slickin' the program up to where we don't have to have that 100-post-limit anymore. The question at hand is, "Can we keep this stupid, dumbass, pointless, inane piece of crap thread going for two full months without Joe Offer having a frigging brain hemorrhage?" Well, I'm gonna hit the "submit" button now and send the damned thing back to the top of the page again. Bye, Bruce |
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Subject: RE: BS: Happy Birthday Spaw!!! From: Little Hawk Date: 30 Apr 03 - 10:41 PM Yes, it does mean something! You're not infallible. - LH |
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Subject: RE: BS: Happy Birthday Spaw!!! From: khandu Date: 30 Apr 03 - 10:30 PM Okay..I forgot to close my italics. Don't mean a damn thing! k |
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Subject: RE: BS: Happy Birthday Spaw!!! From: khandu Date: 30 Apr 03 - 10:17 PM My Gawd!!! Do you know when Carol C started this BS??? April 10! This is April the Last. What's the deal here, people? Are ye so danged bored that you must involve yourselves in this Spaw-masturbatory thread? Look...Spaw did the wonderful fireworks thingy that helped me regain my sanity, for which I am thankful. The boy did good. I am grateful. I am now restored to my normal asswhole personality. But I am not eternally grateful! But it seems that this thread is eternal. I admit that I went through a "Joe Offer fixation", and definitely needed help. I got it. Now, it appears that all of you have a quite severe case of "Spaw Fixation". Y'all all need help. So...GET IT!!! Or at least, change the subject of your fixation...maybe Amos...yeah, that's it! Amos! Everybody go agog for Amos for a while. After all, he is quite a fixative subject. He...well, he...hmmmm, well now Amos is... Never mind. khandu |
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Subject: RE: BS: Happy Birthday Spaw!!! From: SINSULL Date: 30 Apr 03 - 08:43 PM And 363 UnBirthdays. More in a Leap Year. Prozac???? That's what I forgot today. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Happy Birthday Spaw!!! From: Tweed Date: 30 Apr 03 - 08:29 PM Spaw habz two birfday? He shor iz a lucky feller, and danged peculyer az well! Yerz, Tweedzrzz |
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Subject: RE: BS: Happy Birthday Spaw!!! From: Bee-dubya-ell Date: 30 Apr 03 - 08:14 PM PROZAC???? We don't need no steenkin' PROZAC!!!! Bruce |
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Subject: RE: BS: Happy Birthday Spaw!!! From: Amos Date: 30 Apr 03 - 08:01 PM Way to go, Sins!! Love your style!! A |
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Subject: RE: BS: Happy Birthday Spaw!!! From: SINSULL Date: 30 Apr 03 - 06:55 PM Hey Spaw. The same thing happened with my Birth Certificate. But my parents wisely changed it themselves. Does this mean I can retire a day early if I can find the original? Re: the civil servant with no sense of humor...When I adopted my son I had to apply for a Social Security Number for him. In the process I discovered that he already had three. Seems each foster mother took it upon herself to get the thing taken care of. That or someone was making a bit of money on deductions. Anyway, I called Social Security, explained the problem and asked which number to use. WELL!!!! I got an earful of having committed a FEDERAL OFFENSE and I could be arrested for this etc. She demanded that I appear in person at SS and explain the mix-up. By now, (it took 1 1/2 years to get the adoption finalised) I had had enough red tape to last me a lifetime. So I responded "No". she went into an apoplectic fit threatening to have me arrested. I responded "Go ahead. I want to see how it plays out on the news when word gets out that Mrs. MiddleAmerica was arrested for adopting a kid no one wanted who happened to have three Social Security numbers". I may have used the "F" word once or twice. I offered two possible solutions. First pick one of the numbers and we will use it or I will forget these first three ever existed and sign him up for a fourth using his adopted name. More threats followed. And I finished the conversation with "Okay. I will use all three as it suits me and you can try to figure it out" I was a bit angry. Two days later a letter arrived. One number had been chosen from the three and a new card issued. Wish I had kept the other two numbers... |
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Subject: RE: BS: Happy Birthday Spaw!!! From: Lin in Kansas Date: 30 Apr 03 - 06:52 PM OK, you guys--inquiring minds (or what's left of them) want to know: 1. Did the Mortar Forkers finish the barbeque? Have they managed to cover all the windows in Spaw's house with cement yet? Karen said they did WHAT!!? with their trowels??? 2. What explanation did the Church of Evangelical Hollering and Tongue Talking Mohunkers find for their condom-covered church? Surely a new cult is in the works? 3. Did Pene Azul ever manage to split up the forum so there's a separate section for BS threads? And who gets to vote on which is which? 4. Did Moped Mamma (aka Rustic Rebel) ever manage to puncture (?) enough of the Paul dolls to get her floating pleasure palace back on the ground? 5. Have Spaw, Tweed, Bobert, Will, Carol the Sailor, and the rest of you inspired lunatics taken your Prozac today? 6. Can we keep this thread on the board until Spaw's REAL birthday? Think how Garg's blood pressure will rise! Not to mention Joe Offer's! 7. Lyrical Lady, Happy Unbirthday today, too. Lin |
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Subject: RE: BS: Happy Birthday Spaw!!! From: catspaw49 Date: 30 Apr 03 - 06:22 PM Okay King, you must still be feeling the effects of those treatments as you posted the lyrics.....and they're damn good! Spaw |
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Subject: RE: BS: Happy Birthday Spaw!!! From: catspaw49 Date: 29 Apr 03 - 10:06 PM And if you don't post your song on that Mississippi Songs thread, you may get another treatment!!!! Now stop reading this and post the song on the other thread! Amos, I am always inspired by your creativity! An elegant solution for the Hawkster. Spaw |
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Subject: RE: BS: Happy Birthday Spaw!!! From: khandu Date: 29 Apr 03 - 09:58 PM Damn! I been away for a few days and I come back and this danged thread is still hanging on. I swear...we all need professional help! (Except for me, that is, I just got some!) khandu |
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Subject: RE: BS: Happy Birthday Spaw!!! From: Amos Date: 29 Apr 03 - 03:52 PM Tear it in half and proceed as suggested... A |
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Subject: RE: BS: Happy Birthday Spaw!!! From: Little Hawk Date: 29 Apr 03 - 03:30 PM There seems to be only one copy of the Shatner book at the store, Spaw. What should I do? - LH |
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Subject: RE: BS: Happy Birthday Spaw!!! From: gnu Date: 29 Apr 03 - 02:55 PM B-W-L... hehehehe. I suppose if Spaw asked someone if he looked like he was born yesterday.... |
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Subject: RE: BS: Happy Birthday Spaw!!! From: Bee-dubya-ell Date: 29 Apr 03 - 10:31 AM Well, that explains a lot. Fucker started life confused. One day old and didn't even know what day he was born on. Jesus Horatio Christ! "Was I born today, or was it yesterday? I don't know! I'm so confused! Maybe I'll just make up some stupid shit and somebody'll be a big enough dumbass to believe me. Wait a minute! What's that smell? The one coming from that white thing that someone wrapped around my ass..." |
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Subject: RE: BS: Happy Birthday Spaw!!! From: Amos Date: 29 Apr 03 - 09:41 AM Spaw, it just goes to show how long you have been a trouble-maker. Obviously a true veteran. A |
