BS: The Fairly Accurate Knife Thrower

Subject: The Fairly Accurate Knife Thrower
From: Skipper Jack
Date: 10 Apr 03 - 05:14 PM

COSMO LIVES!

("Cosmo-The Fairly Accurate Knife Thrower" by Les Barker)

Here is a real life story! ( A report by Reuters New Agency)

A Circus performer was demonstrating his skill as a knife thrower on UK TV today. One of his knives hit his assistant & girlfriend. As she clutched the side of her head, the presenter shouted "Oh My God, there's blood, quick - get her off." The wound was a only "a nick".
A Spokeswoman for the programme said, "She's absolutely fine and recovering well" but added ruefully: "You don't really expect that kind of thing from a world record holder."
He was trying to emulate the pace of his world record-breaking effort of 120 knives thrown in two minutes which he achieved as part of a National Circus Day on Tuesday. The assistant who had scars caused by two previous mis-directed knives has now gone back to concentrate on her Hula-Hoop act. A previous assistant reportedly left the job after being hit in the foot, her third injury from a wayward knife.
The knife thrower said "In 11 years of performing, I have only hit my assistant on five occasions."

He is currently having to advertise for a new assistant.

Subject: RE: The Fairly Accurate Knife Thrower
From: McGrath of Harlow
Date: 10 Apr 03 - 05:37 PM

And here is the role model for this gentleman -
COSMO, THE FAIRLY ACCURATE KNIFE THROWER by Les Barker

"Where's Cosmo, the fairly accurate knife thrower?"
The girl with the baby said
Her name was Lucille, they knew Cosmo'd know her
She still had a knife in her head."...

Subject: RE: BS: The Fairly Accurate Knife Thrower
From: katlaughing
Date: 10 Apr 03 - 06:12 PM

Incredible! And, I though Les had just made it up!!**bg**

Subject: RE: BS: The Fairly Accurate Knife Thrower
From: GUEST
Date: 10 Apr 03 - 07:48 PM

I note that the one-time assistant has gone back to her Hula-Hoop act. Must be quite handy, having a few grooves to keep the hoops in....

Subject: RE: BS: The Fairly Accurate Knife Thrower
From: Bobert
Date: 10 Apr 03 - 08:00 PM

I just have one question. Who get's paid more?

Bobert

Subject: RE: BS: The Fairly Accurate Knife Thrower
From: Sorcha
Date: 10 Apr 03 - 08:27 PM

LOL!!!

Subject: RE: BS: The Fairly Accurate Knife Thrower
From: khandu
Date: 10 Apr 03 - 08:41 PM

Maybe he should switch to "Fairly Accurate Sword Swallower".

k

Subject: RE: BS: The Fairly Accurate Knife Thrower
From: wilco
Date: 11 Apr 03 - 06:07 PM

One of the funniest vaudeville type acts I have ever seen involved a knife thrower. He got someone up out of the audience, after demonstrating his accuracy with a number of throws, where he threw at a wooden wall, with balloons on it. The balloons all popped.

The volunteer was told that it was a "blindfolded" experience. The volunteer was strapped to the wall, and then he was blindfolded, after the balloons were pinned-up all around him.

Then the knife-thrower said that HE WAS ALSO BEING BLINDFOLDED, AND WOULD THROW BLINDFOLDED. Actually, he wasn't blindfolded at all. Then, he pretended to get "butter-fingers," dropping all of the knives, bouncing his throws off the floors, etc.

The poor guy, the "target," was about to getting pretty upset.

Then the thrower made a big production about getting the distance right, having someone put him the right distance from the board, pointing him in the right direction. Then, he would pretend to throw a knife, with a great holler, and his assistant (who was standing next to the board with the knives), would jab the knife through the balloon.

All the while, the thrower was dropping knives, getting re-pointed in the right direction, etc.

The funniest one was the last balloon, between the target's legs.

The thrower decided he would try that while riding a unicycle, blind-folded. He kept dropping knives. It was hilarious!

Subject: RE: BS: The Fairly Accurate Knife Thrower
From: Mudlark
Date: 11 Apr 03 - 09:14 PM

Wilco ... by the end of that act I bet it wasn't only the balloons that pooped!

Subject: RE: BS: The Fairly Accurate Knife Thrower
From: Skipper Jack
Date: 12 Apr 03 - 08:50 AM

If any one is looking for a slice of the action, then the job of an assistant to the aforesaid knife thrower is for you. But don't apply if you feel that you are not cut out for the job!!

Subject: RE: BS: The Fairly Accurate Knife Thrower
From: Ebbie
Date: 12 Apr 03 - 08:03 PM

The balloons all pooped. Right, Mudlark- I expect I would have also.