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Lyr Req: Ode to the Four-Letter Word

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Lyr Req/Add: Ode to the Four-Letter Word (24)

Vixen 14 Apr 03 - 09:10 AM
Micca 14 Apr 03 - 09:34 AM
reggie miles 14 Apr 03 - 09:48 AM
Steve Parkes 14 Apr 03 - 10:09 AM
Vixen 14 Apr 03 - 10:34 AM
Micca 14 Apr 03 - 03:45 PM
Amos 14 Apr 03 - 03:54 PM
GUEST,Phattdaddy 14 Apr 03 - 10:34 PM
Alexis 15 Apr 03 - 07:38 AM
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Subject: Lyr Req: Four-letter word song
From: Vixen
Date: 14 Apr 03 - 09:10 AM

Tiger did this one Friday night, and I'd email him for the lyrics, but I've lost his email. Not only that, but it's not in the DT, so having him (or somebody else!) post it here would benefit everybody!


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From: Micca
Date: 14 Apr 03 - 09:34 AM

Is it This one?

Banish the use of the four-letter words
Whose meanings are never obscure
The Angles, the Saxons those hardy old birds
Were vulgar obscene and impure
But cherish the use of the weaselling phrase
That never quite says what you mean
You'd better be known for your hypocrite ways
Than as vulgar impure and obscene

When nature is calling, plain speaking is out
When the Ladies, God Bless'em are milling about
You may pee-wee, make water, or empty the glass
You can powder your nose, even Johnny may pass
Shake the dew off the Lily; see a man about a dog
When every ones soused, it's condensing the fog
But please to remember, if you would know bliss
That only in Shakespeare do characters piss

A woman has bosoms, a bust or a breast
Those lily-white swellings that bulge 'neath her vest
They are towers of Ivory, sheaves of new wheat
In a moment of passion, ripe apples to eat
You may speak of her nipples as fingers of fire
With hardly a question of raising her ire
But by Rabelaise's beard she will throw several fits
If you speak of them roundly as good honest tits

It's a cavern of Joy you are thinking of now
A warm tender field awaiting the plough
It's a quivering pigeon caressing your hand
Or the National Anthem-It makes us all stand
It's known among men as the centre of Love
The hope of the world or a velvety glove
But friend, heed this warning, beware of affront
Of aping the Saxon--- don't call it a c***

Tho' a Lady repels your advance, shell be kind
As long as you intimate what's on your mind
You may tell her your hungry; you need to be swung
You may ask her to see how your etchings are hung
Or mention the ashes that need to be hauled
Put the lid on her saucepan even "lay" is not too bald,
But the moment you're forthright, get ready to duck
For the girls isn't born yet who'll stand for "lets F***

So banish the words that Elizabeth used
When she was a Queen on the Throne
The modern maids' virtue is easily bruised
By the four-letter words all alone
Let your morals be clean as an Alderman's vest
If your language is always obscure
Today not the act but the word is the test
Of the vulgar, obscene and impure

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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Four-letter word song
From: reggie miles
Date: 14 Apr 03 - 09:48 AM

this one's about one of my favorite four-letter words

F-R-E-E by reggie miles

reggies Comments:  Here you go, another protest song. How can I protest something that's free you ask? Well, allow me the oppotunity to delineate, articulate, insinuate and illuminate further if you will. The constant badgering by various advertisers to capture my attention has taken it's toll. Now the one word that I've treasured for so many years has been reduced to being used as a cheap trick by those same advertisers to hide their true intentions. That is, to glean personal information to resell or otherwise use in an underhanded way, or to mask hidden fees. What next? It's gettin' so a body can't escape the doublespeak even in the innocent little four letter word f-r-e-e.

Four letter words don't bother me,
Except the one that's spelled f-r-e-e.
It's not that I mind when people use it.
It's just that some folks like to abuse it.

Like the guy on the phone the other day,
Who had free airline tickets to give away,
And they came with a complimentary hotel stay.
I asked, "What's the catch?" Here's what he had to say.

"You'll be flying fourth class on your trip through the sky.
You'll have to cover any taxes and fees that apply.
Your meals will cost extra in this situation."
So I hung up the phone on our conversation.

Then I received an email spam.
"Free, millions of dollars!" It began.
"Follow my instructions. Read my book.
It won't cost you a dime to take a look."

"Just send me your credit card information,
And some additional documentation,
A Social Security number and a picture I.D.,
And fill out this ten-page questionnaire for me."

"I'll need your phone number and your passport too,
Your fingerprints or a retina scan will do.
A notarized copy of your birth certificate,
And don't forget to send it in triplicate."

Then a notice came, special delivery.
You've won a house make over, absolutely free.
Well scrape and we'll paint your entire abode.
I knew that I should've said, "Hit the road!"

But the house needed paint so I said, "Okay."
And before I knew it, it was house paintin' day.
They came and they painted all the daylong.
But before it was finished they'd packed up and gone.

So there I was left with a half painted house,
And an aching back and an angry spouse.
And now six months later, it still isn't done.
Painting a house just isn't much fun.
So if you've got a free offer don't darken my door.
Don't bother emailing or calling no more.
Don't waste your breath trying to convince me.
That anything's worth having if it's F-R-E-E.

You can keep your free bargains and your two for one deals,
On software or hardware, on drinks or on meals.
I don't want your free CDs or free debt reduction.
I don't need your free books or free website seduction.

Take me off your callback list and just let me be.
There's nothing you have that I'm wanting, you see.
One last piece of advice and it's free from me.
You get what you pay for
and more than you bargain for when it's F-R-E-E.

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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Four-letter word song
From: Steve Parkes
Date: 14 Apr 03 - 10:09 AM

And there was a great parody of Roy Rogers' Four-legged friend, which unfortunatley I don't know, but the chorus ended
It's honest, it's earthy, it's [...] and its' [...],
That wonderful one- two- three- four-letter-word.

I'd love to know the rest. Micca's song is excellent, but I think Bedford may not be ready for it yet (although Brummagem might be). It could almost be A. P. Herbert, couldn't it?


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Four-letter word song
From: Vixen
Date: 14 Apr 03 - 10:34 AM

That's it, Micca!!!

Thank you!!!


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Four-letter word song
From: Micca
Date: 14 Apr 03 - 03:45 PM

You are very welcome Vixen, I would love a midi of the tune if you have it!

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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Four-letter word song
From: Amos
Date: 14 Apr 03 - 03:54 PM


That's absolutely marvelous, and I woudln't be surprised to learn you wrote it, either!! Thanks for the grin!


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Four-letter word song
From: GUEST,Phattdaddy
Date: 14 Apr 03 - 10:34 PM

Last heard on one of Oscar Brands tapes yonks ago, have copy of tape unfortunately its bootleg and no title.

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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Four-letter word song
From: Alexis
Date: 15 Apr 03 - 07:38 AM

ditto Micca
midi or abc or whatever
cheers Alex

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