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BS: The Mother of all BS threads

Amos 02 Sep 14 - 06:53 PM
Rapparee 02 Sep 14 - 08:08 PM
Rapparee 02 Sep 14 - 10:55 PM
Amos 03 Sep 14 - 02:07 AM
gnu 03 Sep 14 - 03:50 AM
Rapparee 03 Sep 14 - 09:52 AM
Amos 03 Sep 14 - 03:53 PM
Acme 03 Sep 14 - 10:41 PM
Rapparee 03 Sep 14 - 11:45 PM
gnu 04 Sep 14 - 05:16 AM
Rapparee 04 Sep 14 - 09:35 AM
Acme 04 Sep 14 - 09:40 AM
Rapparee 04 Sep 14 - 03:17 PM
gnu 04 Sep 14 - 07:16 PM
Rapparee 04 Sep 14 - 07:31 PM
gnu 05 Sep 14 - 04:01 AM
Amos 05 Sep 14 - 10:41 AM
Acme 05 Sep 14 - 03:47 PM
gnu 05 Sep 14 - 04:24 PM
Rapparee 05 Sep 14 - 05:40 PM
Rapparee 05 Sep 14 - 11:26 PM
gnu 06 Sep 14 - 05:41 AM
Acme 06 Sep 14 - 08:32 AM
Rapparee 06 Sep 14 - 10:08 AM
gnu 06 Sep 14 - 11:28 AM
Rapparee 06 Sep 14 - 10:56 PM
Acme 07 Sep 14 - 09:03 AM
Rapparee 07 Sep 14 - 10:19 AM
Acme 07 Sep 14 - 10:49 AM
gnu 07 Sep 14 - 10:50 AM
Acme 07 Sep 14 - 02:32 PM
Amos 07 Sep 14 - 09:30 PM
Acme 07 Sep 14 - 10:26 PM
Amos 08 Sep 14 - 03:07 AM
gnu 08 Sep 14 - 03:28 AM
Rapparee 08 Sep 14 - 09:22 AM
Acme 08 Sep 14 - 02:42 PM
Rapparee 08 Sep 14 - 06:00 PM
gnu 08 Sep 14 - 06:18 PM
Amos 08 Sep 14 - 11:20 PM
Ebbie 09 Sep 14 - 12:45 AM
gnu 09 Sep 14 - 04:01 AM
Rapparee 09 Sep 14 - 09:17 AM
Acme 09 Sep 14 - 07:01 PM
Rapparee 09 Sep 14 - 10:31 PM
Ebbie 09 Sep 14 - 11:38 PM
Rapparee 10 Sep 14 - 09:11 AM
Acme 10 Sep 14 - 09:40 PM
Rapparee 10 Sep 14 - 09:54 PM
gnu 11 Sep 14 - 04:52 AM
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 02 Sep 14 - 06:53 PM

Green were the fields that were washed by the Finn.
Fair are the homesteads the spoiler lives in.
Oh, rich are the crops in the valley?ah, me!?
But the hearth is the home of the Wild Raparee.

There are dark clouds like mountains o'er Barnes tonight
As the hare seeks its den by the moon's feeble light,
The big heathery mountains as bleak as the sea.
'Twill be lonely tonight for the Wild Raparee.

Away over Barnes the winds rage and howl
As he creeps to his hiding amongst the wild fowl.
No cry greets his advent. No comrade has he.
God help the poor outlaw, the Wild Raparee.

Oh! who are these huntsmen so late in the storm?
What means that red glare? 'Tis the Queen's uniform.
God grant that awaken, protected be he.
There are hounds on the trail of the Wild Raparee.

'Tis morn, and the huntsmen returned from the flight
But the sword of the foremost is not in its sheath.
Its bright blade's all dripping with red blood to see.
On its point is the head of the Wild Raparee.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 02 Sep 14 - 08:08 PM

Ah, yes. Happened to me. Totally RUINED my day. Would have been fine if I hadn't lost my head.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 02 Sep 14 - 10:55 PM

Oh, how green are the fields that are washed by their fens
and how grand are the houses where them spoilers live in
how pretty the crop in the valley to see
but the heath is the home of the Wild Raparee

Way out on the moor, where the winds swoosh and howl
sure, he finds his lone home there,
amid the wild fowl
No companion to greet him; no comrade has he
Ah, God bless, the poor outlaw, the Wild Raparee

He has robbed many rich of their gold and their gowns
He has outrode the soldiers who hunted him down
and alive has he boasted, they'll never take me
No redcoat will capture, the Wild Raparee

Now this morning the soldiers returned from the heath
and the sword of their leader was gone from its sheath
His black sword was dripping with red blood to see
from the head of the outlaw, they call Raparee

There are clouds all around like a mantle tonight
and the hare seeks its nest as it trembles in fright
no stars in the heavens no moon can we see
they're in mourning tonight for the Wild Raparee

There's a stone, a plain grave, on a bare mountainside
there's a plain wooden cross there where these words are inscribed
"Dear stranger, kneel down. Say an Ave for me.
I was sentenced for bein' a Wild Raparee.
"Dear strangter kneel down....Say an Ave for me.
I was sentenced for bein' a Wild Raparee."

or

The Wild Raparee Priest

On the bleak hill of Gadra, where the winds howl
He creeps to his hiding place among the wild fowl.
No cry greets his advent, their comrade is he,
And they dream of no harm from the wild Raparee.

But who be those horsemen so late in the storm?
And what seems that glare, tis the king's uniform.
God grant that awake and not sleeping he be,
They are on the track of the wild Raparee.

Tis morn, and the horsemen return from the heath.
But the sword of the foremost is not in it's sheath.
Ah no, on it's bright point, all glory to see
Is the head of the outlaw, the wild Raparee.

James McLaughlin

They are from here, which of course Amos did not cite (as I have).


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 03 Sep 14 - 02:07 AM

I might have known you would sniff around like a truffle-seeking quadruped until you found something to hang some blame on. And here I was offering you a profound and sincere celebration of your own mythologized decapitation!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 03 Sep 14 - 03:50 AM

Good work, A! Have you thought of a title yet?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 03 Sep 14 - 09:52 AM

Is it too much to ask that sources be cited? I, alas!, have too often been called to task for not citing my sources, even when I was the actual author! If, for instance, I wrote (as I did)

We few, we happy few, we band of brothers;
    For he to-day that sheds his blood with me
    Shall be my brother; be he ne'er so vile,
    This day shall gentle his condition;
    And gentlemen in England now-a-bed
    Shall think themselves accurs'd they were not here,
    And hold their manhoods cheap whiles any speaks
    That fought with us upon Saint Crispin's day.


or,

Each Wight who reads not, and but scans and spells,
Each Word-catcher that lives on syllables,
Ev'n such small Critics some regard may claim,
Preserv'd in Milton's or in Shakespear's name.
Pretty! in Amber to observe the forms
Of hairs, or straws, or dirt, or grubs, or worms;
The things, we know, are neither rich nor rare,
But wonder how the Devil they got there?


or even one of my best pieces of prose,

I felt good and all washed clean of sin for the first time I had ever felt so in my life, and I knowed I could pray now. But I didn't do it straight off, but laid the paper down and set there thinking -- thinking how good it was all this happened so, and how near I come to being lost and going to hell. And went on thinking. And got to thinking over our trip down the river; and I see Jim before me all the time: in the day and in the night-time, sometimes moonlight, sometimes storms, and we a-floating along, talking and singing and laughing. But somehow I couldn't seem to strike no places to harden me against him, but only the other kind. I'd see him standing my watch on top of his'n, 'stead of calling me, so I could go on sleeping; and see him how glad he was when I come back out of the fog; and when I come to him again in the swamp, up there where the feud was; and such-like times; and would always call me honey, and pet me and do everything he could think of for me, and how good he always was; and at last I struck the time I saved him by telling the men we had small-pox aboard, and he was so grateful, and said I was the best friend old Jim ever had in the world, and the ONLY one he's got now; and then I happened to look around and see that paper.

It was a close place. I took it up, and held it in my hand. I was a-trembling, because I'd got to decide, forever, betwixt two things, and I knowed it. I studied a minute, sort of holding my breath, and then says to myself:

"All right, then, I'll GO to hell" -- and tore it up.

It was awful thoughts and awful words, but they was said. And I let them stay said; and never thought no more about reforming. I shoved the whole thing out of my head, and said I would take up wickedness again, which was in my line, being brung up to it, and the other warn't. And for a starter I would go to work and steal Jim out of slavery again; and if I could think up anything worse, I would do that, too; because as long as I was in, and in for good, I might as well go the whole hog.


But no! I am abused for plagiarism, theft, intellectual simony, blasphemy, kicking puppies, barratry, suborning juries, poisoning the wells of intellect, and perhaps even mopery and dopery on high seas. Alack and alas, what a rogue and peasant slave I am called! But then I ask myself, "What is Hecuba to him or he to Hecuba?" and in my weakness and lack of action I fail. But now I think perhaps out of my weakness and my melancholy, as Amos is very potent with such spirits, abuses me to damn me. I'll have grounds more relative than this: the play's the thing wherein I'll catch the conscience of Amos.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 03 Sep 14 - 03:53 PM

Hell, Gnu, it ain't mine at all, but an ole poem by someone else entitled The Wild Rapparee. But you knew that.

As to the suffering of our wily friend, I can only echo the words of the Great Horned Owl that rules all our fates:

"Be-e-e-e-e n-o-o-o-o-o-t foo-oo-oo-oo-led!



But plagiarist or no, that Rapparree is a wild and wonderful pen-meister as well as a Booqueman.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 03 Sep 14 - 10:41 PM

Puleeese! Close your tags when you post around here! It's a killer to go in and put in the /i when only i was put at the end of the paragraph. Once I hit "edit" the whole thread wants to load.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 03 Sep 14 - 11:45 PM

My wife had a massage today and as she left, around 11 a.m., she was hit by a bicyclist (on the sidewalk) going about 10 to 15 mph. She got a ride in the ambulance, I beat it to the hospital.

Subdural hematoma, bruises, contusions. They'll take another CAT scan in the morning and then decide on doing surgery.

I've spent most of the day at the hospital....


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 04 Sep 14 - 05:16 AM

Oh dear! Thoughts and prayers, Rap.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 04 Sep 14 - 09:35 AM

Well, I'll know soon enough now.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 04 Sep 14 - 09:40 AM

Did the cyclist stay there, and did someone give him a hefty ticket for riding on the sidewalk? I know this is a side issue now, but a friend in New York City has fought for years to get enforcement to keep bikes in the street. He was hit a few years ago, literally, by a messenger who formed a fist and punched him in the face as he passed by.

Give Pat all of the hugs and good wishes from us that she can stand. A MOAB-sized hug is pretty substantial, so don't scare her with it.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 04 Sep 14 - 03:17 PM

In Idaho bicyclists can ride on the sidewalk as long as the give pedestrians and others audible warning that they are overtaking. 'Holy shit! I'm sorry!' doesn't cut it.

But nothing will probably happen. Too small of a crime, and the bicycle lobby (yes, such exists here) is too political.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 04 Sep 14 - 07:16 PM

Still sending good wishes from here.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 04 Sep 14 - 07:31 PM

Good and thanks. Brain surgery tomorrow....


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 05 Sep 14 - 04:01 AM

Yeah... I suppose there's not much sense in punishing the lad more than getting his name in the paper. I certainly hope the (local, at least) media picks up on this and plays up the safety and due care aspect so the gravity of this accident "hits home" for everyone, especially cyclists. Surely there must be a way to slow them down? Fines for excessive speed?

In any case, thoughts and prayers continue from here.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 05 Sep 14 - 10:41 AM

Fingers crossed for a fair outcome, amigo. Most inconvenient the dumbshit didn't leave ten minutes earlier.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 05 Sep 14 - 03:47 PM

I'd go for his insurance. He was driving, he hit a pedestrian, he's responsible. Seriously. Insurance won't cover much, maybe the emergency room portion of the visit, but every little bit helps.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 05 Sep 14 - 04:24 PM

Cyclists have insurance?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 05 Sep 14 - 05:40 PM

Da fool's probably, likely, an ISU student. Ain't no insurance there. Right now I'm waiting to see her after surgery, which ended two hours ago.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 05 Sep 14 - 11:26 PM

She's a human Q-tip!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 06 Sep 14 - 05:41 AM

Ditto my last post, Rap... Ts&Ps continue. Hope they were able to get the BP down (see other thread).


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 06 Sep 14 - 08:32 AM

He may have a car, he may have a home with homeowners insurance. The point is, he shouldn't walk away from something he is responsible for. This is what attorneys are for, to look into it.

I hope the human Q-tip is feeling better this morning. Smuggle in some real food in case she has an appetite. Hospital food given to someone this after surgery is cruel and unusual punishment.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 06 Sep 14 - 10:08 AM

What! You don't like unseasoned food chosen for its healthiness and total lack of taste?!? Last night they offered her a dinner of crackers WITH salt on them! And ice water! I somehow failed to tell her of my triple egg omelet with avocado, Dugeness crab, and bacon topped with Hollandaise sauce at Elmers (Stilly will know( though...just completely slipped my mind.

When I was in back in March the food was actually pretty good. Not exactly fit for even lower class nobility much less a king, but it had some taste and was both edible AND non-toxic. You even got to choose your poison from a menu. AND they'll send up snacks -- celery sticks, unsalted crackers, unflavored and unsweetened "apple sauce", all sorts of things.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 06 Sep 14 - 11:28 AM

Oh... yeah... I wrote on yer FB thingy early this AM to wish you Happies, SRS, but another can't hurt, sooooo

HAPPIES ATCHYA!!!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 06 Sep 14 - 10:56 PM

She's really Bobert's nice twin.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 07 Sep 14 - 09:03 AM

Then Bobert IS one of MOM's kids? She complained about being pregnant for a long time - years, in fact - when we were born . . .

Rap, did they do a bone flap for Pat? Will she wear a helmet for a while? (They keep it in a freezer and put it back in place later. Susie was hit by a car on Jan 12 and was in the hospital and rehab for 4 months with the head and hip injuries - and on her birthday in May they put her head back together. It could have happened sooner but she was fighting infections - so your mileage may vary - fortunately it sounds like Pat had only the one injury?)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 07 Sep 14 - 10:19 AM

I understand (I wasn't there at the time) that a chunk of bone was removed, the work done, and the bone put back into place with 20 staples. Her helmet is a big swath of gauze (we probably own a gauze company now). She also has a badly sprained left wrist, one helluva a shiner on her left eye, and her right big toe is probably going to lose a nail (it was bent back when she was impacted). There are other, multiple, bruises, scrapes, and contusions. No convulsions, fortunately.

She may be in for a session of in-whorespittle rehab. Don't know yet.

Off to get clean, get dressed, and get to that place again.

Ya know, after a partial knee replacement, a meniscus repair, a bicep repair, breast cancer surgery, and now this they should name a wing, at least, for us.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 07 Sep 14 - 10:49 AM

That sounds very good if they were able to put the bone back at the time. Susie's head looked like a bizarre pumpkin for a couple of weeks, her face so swollen that her cheeks almost hid her ears. The hip was shattered and a couple of weeks after the injury they were able to go in and reconstruct it. The ironic thing of all of this was that a couple of weeks prior to this accident that she had a cornea implant and had all sorts of drops to put in her eye. Those of us who had already been helping her with the eye stuff kept stressing to the ICU staff that they needed to do her eye drops, even though she looked at death's door for a few days. If she survived her injuries and wasn't a vegetable, she would be really pissed off if the cornea didn't work right. They must have thought we were a little demented, giving the eye such prominence, but you had to know Susie. :)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 07 Sep 14 - 10:50 AM

I hope she mends well and quickly.

Yesterday, I had the truck AC on MAX AC. This morning, I had the heater on. Tomorrow morn, 6C. Tuesday morn, 4C... we're talkin possible frost on the pumpkin. I am lovin it!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 07 Sep 14 - 02:32 PM

I had a window open for a while this morning at the house, and last night going out to dinner I wore a light windbreaker.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 07 Sep 14 - 09:30 PM

Glad your heat spells have begun to break. Mine are still fierce; the whole county is having hot flashes, the drivers are all moody and irritable, and all the hens have quit producing eggs. What does it all mean?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 07 Sep 14 - 10:26 PM

What is a heat spell for you, Amos? 83?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 08 Sep 14 - 03:07 AM

Well near the coast, yes; a little further East it gets into the nineties and hundreds


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 08 Sep 14 - 03:28 AM

Beautiful full moon. Look just to the left of the streetlight.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 08 Sep 14 - 09:22 AM

A pale blue sky, touched gently with the light of the Sun on the sweep of the morning clouds. 61F when I checked and a high of 83F.

I'll be inside again today.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 08 Sep 14 - 02:42 PM

Pat sure didn't have much time to feel good after that massage.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 08 Sep 14 - 06:00 PM

Yeah, and the MT said, 'No refunds!!!'


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 08 Sep 14 - 06:18 PM

Twas 7C at 4:15AM when I was out admiring the moon. Frost advisory for tonight. I doubt it will be so in the city.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 08 Sep 14 - 11:20 PM

The planet spins, and moves its heft around its star, and follows its star into the deeper void of our Galaxy which whirls and rockets through the local cluster. Just within the Gaaxy, the planet Terra moves at over 500,000 miles in one hour. The Galaxy itself, adding all vectors together, is moving at another 1,339,200 MPH.

So it is really no surprise that the seasons continue to change,one on the next, now, is it?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Ebbie
Date: 09 Sep 14 - 12:45 AM

Last night I saw a Full Moon! (Here in southeast Alaska we can go months without seeing one.) It was gorgeous. Minded me of what I once read: If the stars came out for just one night every 20 years no one would go to bed that night.

In Virginia when I was a young'un those eons ago, at Harvest Moon a designated farmer would open his corn fields to the young folks of the church. Earlier, the farmer would lay the dry, stacked corn stalks on their sides and after dark young people would couple up (Gracious! That doesn't sound right)... er, young folks would pair off and work side by side in the dark shucking the corn. Jaded Mudcatters might not guess it but it was very romantic. Many a romance began those nights. Ah. It was a simpler time.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 09 Sep 14 - 04:01 AM

"If the stars came out for just one night every 20 years no one would go to bed that night." Lovely! And the cornfields... lovely. Thanks, Ebbie.

I was just out moon gazing and, yes, it is a "supermoon". 5C now so I expect we'll see 4C before light. I'd say the bucks and the bulls are on the move... tis the season of love.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 09 Sep 14 - 09:17 AM

I remember stuff like that, Ebbie. Only after the schuckin' we'd burn all of the debris and a couple of the shuckers in honor of Cthulu so that he/she/it wouldn't show up. Ah, the dancing around the fire chanting, "Stay home, Great Cthulu, we're too good for you because we do a good deed every day, so stay home, okay?" and the other stuff afterwards...them was the days. Hmmm...I wonder...they probably failed to do that in DC and that's why...no, probably no...well....


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 09 Sep 14 - 07:01 PM

It was a lovely moon over the State of Texas also last night. I stopped out for an admiring gaze just before I let the dogs in for the night.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 09 Sep 14 - 10:31 PM

How To Simulate The Life Of A Sailor


    Buy a steel dumpster, paint it Haze Grey inside and out, and live in it for six months.
    Run all the pipes and wires in your house exposed on the walls.
    Repaint your entire house every month. Color choices: Haze Grey or Dark Grey
    Renovate your bathroom (and henceforth always refer to it as the "head"). Build a wall across the middle of the bathtub (or shower-stall) and move the showerhead to chest level. When you take a shower, make sure you turn off the water while you soap down. (Wet down, turn off water, soap down, Turn on water rinse down! Navy Shower) (Hollywood Showers are showers that last more than one(1) Minute)
    Raise the thresholds and lower the headers of your front and back doors so that you either trip or bang your head every time you pass through them.
    Disassemble and inspect your lawn-mower every week.
    On Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays, turn your water heater temperature up to 200 degrees. On Tuesdays and Thursdays, turn the water heater off. On Saturdays and Sundays tell your family they use too much water during the week, so no bathing will be allowed. (call it "water hours")
    Raise your bed to within 6 inches of the ceiling, so you can't turn over without getting out and then getting back in. Put all your clothes under your mattress to press them!
    Sleep on the shelf in your closet. Replace the closet door with a curtain. Have your spouse whip open the curtain about 3 hours after you go to sleep, shine a flashlight in your eyes, and say "Sorry, wrong rack."
    Make your family qualify to operate each appliance in your house - dishwasher operator, blender technician, etc. (call it "PQS- Qualifications")
    Have your neighbor come over each day at 6 am, blow a whistle loudly, and shout "Reveille, reveille, all hands heave out and trice up."
    Have your mother-in-law write down everything she's going to do the following day, then have her make you stand in your back yard at 6 am while she reads it to you. (call it "Morning Muster Call")
    Submit a request chit to your father-in-law requesting permission to leave your house before 3 pm. (call it "Early-Liberty")
    Empty all the garbage bins in your house and sweep the driveway three times a day, whether it needs it or not. (Stop referring to the garbage bins as "SHIT-CAN's")
    Have your neighbor collect all your mail for a month, read your magazines, and randomly lose every 5th item before delivering it to you. (call it "Mail Call")
    Watch no TV except for movies played in the middle of the night. Have your family vote on which movie to watch, then show a different one. (call it "Movie Call")
    Make your family menu a week ahead of time without consulting the pantry or refrigerator.
    Post a menu on the kitchen door informing your family that they are having steak for dinner. Then make them wait in line for an hour. When they finally get to the kitchen, tell them you are out of steak, but they can have dried ham or hot dogs or a horse cock sandwich . Repeat daily until they ignore the menu and just ask for hot dogs. (Horse cock = BOLOGNA)
    Bake a cake. Prop up one side of the pan so the cake bakes unevenly. Spread icing real thick to level it off.
    Get up every night around midnight and have a peanut butter and jelly sandwich OR HORSE COCK on stale bread. (Midrats = MIDNIGHT RATIONS)
    Set your alarm clock to go off at random times during the night. At the alarm, jump up and dress as fast as you can, making sure to button your top shirt button and tuck your pants into your socks. Run out into the backyard and uncoil the garden hose. (call it "FIRE DRILL")
    Every week or so, throw your dog in the pool and shout, "Man overboard port side!" Rate your family members on how fast they respond.
    Put the headphones from your stereo on your head, but don't plug them in. Hang a paper cup around your neck on a string. Stand in front of the stove, and speak into the paper cup "Stove manned and ready." After an hour or so, speak into the cup again "Stove secured." Roll up the headphones and paper cup and stow them in a shoebox. (SOUND-POWERED TELEPHONES)
    Place a podium at the end of your driveway. Have your family stand watches at the podium, rotating at 4 hour intervals. This is best done when the weather is worst. January is a good time. (call it "QUARTERDECK WATCH")
    When there is a thunderstorm in your area, get a wobbly rocking chair, sit in it and rock as hard as you can until you become nauseous. Make sure to have a supply of stale crackers in your shirt pocket and a bucket so you can puke in it.
    Make coffee using eighteen scoops of budget priced coffee grounds per pot, and allow the pot to simmer for 5 hours before drinking. Or go to boiler room for some BT (Boiler Tech) coffee made from feed water, nasty tasting stuff, but you get used to it, drinking hot coffee when it's 145 down there in front of the boilers, that's a cool day! In the Persian Gulf it gets hotter!
    Have someone under the age of ten give you a haircut with sheep shears, and tell the barber just a little off the sides.
    Sew the back pockets of your jeans on the front.
    Lock yourself and your family in the house for six weeks. Tell them that at the end of the 6th week you are going to take them to Disney World for "liberty." At the end of the 6th week, inform them the trip to Disney World has been canceled because they need to get ready for an inspection, and it will be another week before they can leave the house because you failed inspection, or you have ORI coming up.
    Have you wife press your skivvies, no starch!
    Get drunk and wind up in a tattoo parlor getting a tattoo on your wife's butt cheeks or a Choo Choo train coming out your butt hole.
    Eat your meal in less than 5 minutes to keep in practice, chewing not required!
    Shout out every time a women comes into your room, "female in quarters"!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Ebbie
Date: 09 Sep 14 - 11:38 PM

Sounds charming, Rap. I hope that is for just one week?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 10 Sep 14 - 09:11 AM

Rehab: one to three weeks, hopefully starting today.

Contemplating your Naval: I understand that it seems like forever, and that's just the first hour. After that it gets worse.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 10 Sep 14 - 09:40 PM

It's slow in the beginning, but it gets better.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 10 Sep 14 - 09:54 PM

Tomorrow, tomorrow, she may go to rehab tomorrow
The insurance approved it today. (Around 4:30 p.m. MDT)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 11 Sep 14 - 04:52 AM

From t'other thread... Good to hear the insurance has been sorted. Hope things move along smoothly, swiftly and successfully.

Re hospital food, if her BP is high, part of the therapy is diet. "Regular" hospital meals are prepared with a number of factors taken into account, just one of which is the lack of mobility and level of physical activity of most inmates. Ya don't feed a sedentary person baked beans and pancakes with maple slurpup due to calories/sugar and sheer bulk. If ya did, it would be a slow and possibly quite uncomfortable trip down the alimentary canal. Likewise, ya don't feed a person with high BP anything with a "normal" amount of salt so, right there, taste suffers. Hospital meals, prepared on an assembly line, are meant to be nutritious. Taste? Well, most inmates don't have a big appetite anyway.

I am sure Mike would forego sleep to prepare Pat's favourite culinary delight IF he was allowed but I doubt those in charge of her recovery would allow any deviation from the dietary regimen prescribed by the dietician.


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