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BS: The Mother of all BS threads

Rapparee 13 Jan 17 - 08:17 AM
Rapparee 13 Jan 17 - 08:17 AM
Rapparee 13 Jan 17 - 08:18 AM
Rapparee 13 Jan 17 - 08:18 AM
Rapparee 13 Jan 17 - 08:21 AM
Bee-dubya-ell 13 Jan 17 - 08:49 AM
Bee-dubya-ell 13 Jan 17 - 08:52 AM
Acme 13 Jan 17 - 01:27 PM
gnu 13 Jan 17 - 04:05 PM
Rapparee 13 Jan 17 - 08:34 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 13 Jan 17 - 09:50 PM
Acme 14 Jan 17 - 12:03 AM
Bee-dubya-ell 14 Jan 17 - 06:28 AM
Acme 14 Jan 17 - 07:24 AM
Bee-dubya-ell 14 Jan 17 - 09:11 AM
Acme 14 Jan 17 - 09:31 AM
Bee-dubya-ell 14 Jan 17 - 10:34 AM
keberoxu 14 Jan 17 - 01:35 PM
MMario 14 Jan 17 - 02:20 PM
Jeri 14 Jan 17 - 02:28 PM
Rapparee 14 Jan 17 - 04:36 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 14 Jan 17 - 04:37 PM
Acme 14 Jan 17 - 05:39 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 14 Jan 17 - 06:56 PM
Rapparee 14 Jan 17 - 09:31 PM
Acme 15 Jan 17 - 12:22 AM
Bee-dubya-ell 15 Jan 17 - 05:06 AM
Acme 15 Jan 17 - 03:20 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 15 Jan 17 - 06:20 PM
Rapparee 15 Jan 17 - 09:09 PM
Rapparee 16 Jan 17 - 10:26 AM
Bee-dubya-ell 16 Jan 17 - 11:26 AM
Acme 16 Jan 17 - 12:57 PM
gnu 16 Jan 17 - 01:38 PM
Rapparee 16 Jan 17 - 09:31 PM
Rapparee 16 Jan 17 - 09:33 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 16 Jan 17 - 11:21 PM
Rapparee 17 Jan 17 - 08:06 AM
Bee-dubya-ell 17 Jan 17 - 10:16 AM
gnu 17 Jan 17 - 11:28 AM
Bee-dubya-ell 17 Jan 17 - 05:08 PM
Rapparee 17 Jan 17 - 09:39 PM
gnu 18 Jan 17 - 05:37 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 18 Jan 17 - 05:47 PM
Acme 18 Jan 17 - 07:07 PM
Rapparee 18 Jan 17 - 08:21 PM
Rapparee 19 Jan 17 - 10:14 AM
Rapparee 19 Jan 17 - 10:20 PM
Acme 20 Jan 17 - 12:13 AM
Rapparee 20 Jan 17 - 08:25 AM
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 13 Jan 17 - 08:17 AM

Probably Amos. And you know he was born one mornin' where the sun doesn't shine. Yes, he picked up his shovel but he thought it was mine. He got loaded sixteen times on Kentucky rotgut and the barkeep said, "That's your limit, now git out bud!"


Yes, he was born one mornin' it was drizzlin' tears. His momma ask forgiveness for years and for years. One fist of sponge and the other of fluff, he really thinks he's one tough tough tough.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 13 Jan 17 - 08:17 AM

Only three more after this post!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 13 Jan 17 - 08:18 AM

Two more!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 13 Jan 17 - 08:18 AM

One. I gotta go potty.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 13 Jan 17 - 08:21 AM

Fooled ya!

55555 is mine!

Eat your hearts out, ye mighty, and despair!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 13 Jan 17 - 08:49 AM

Now I'm all intrigued by this Company Store idea. It would be stocked with items that you only need when you have company. Stuff like clean sheets and towels, food that doesn't come in cans or microwavable containers, wine with corks instead of screw tops, toilet paper that doesn't feel like sandpaper. You get the idea.

And it could have a section to help you get rid of company that's overstayed their welcome. You could buy things like bedbug infested mattresses, aerosol room odorizers in scents like "gym socks" and "dead mouse", and discount coupons for nearby motels.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 13 Jan 17 - 08:52 AM

By the way, congrats on post #55555, Rap. May the fives be with you.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 13 Jan 17 - 01:27 PM

Amos just called from the Back of Beyond - somewhere near Odessa - he hasn't entered the Winter Weather that is in my area yet. But I'll be ready - dinner suitable for a cold rainy day is in the works.

Congrats on the Big Number, but too bad it isn't aerodynamic enough to be a very good spinner. 66666 is designed much better for that. Dibs.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 13 Jan 17 - 04:05 PM

I expect, nay, demand pictures of this historic event, Acme. It isn't every day that Texas dogs get to host a Calleeforneeah dog. Will they make room for her on the new couch cover? Requiring minds want to know.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 13 Jan 17 - 08:34 PM

Historic? You want historic?

As of right now Mom has been alive for 4,639 days, more or less. Counting this one, 55,561 posting have been made to this, our Mother's thread.

That's an average of 11.9769347 posting per day.

What other thread can say that? What other thread than our beloved MOAB?

But...that's only 0.49902996 posting per hour of the approximately 111,336 hours Mom has been alive. Less than one-half post per hour!!!! Let's pick up the pace out there!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 13 Jan 17 - 09:50 PM

Here's a post for ya.

And a very interesting post it is! It's an acorn woodpecker's "granary post".

From Wikipedia:

Acorn woodpeckers, as their name implies, depend heavily on acorns for food. In some parts of their range (e.g., California), the woodpeckers create granaries or "acorn trees" by drilling holes in dead trees, dead branches, telephone poles, and wooden buildings. The woodpeckers then collect acorns and find a hole that is just the right size for the acorn. As acorns dry out, they are moved to smaller holes and granary maintenance requires a significant amount of the bird's time. They also feed on insects, sap, and fruit.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 14 Jan 17 - 12:03 AM

Not everyone may be able to see it (facebook settings) but maybe I'll make this one public. Amos, Barky, and Maggie (with a bit of Cinnamon).


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 14 Jan 17 - 06:28 AM

Somehow, I always pictured Amos as only having two legs....

No, wait! That's Maggie! Amos is the one with the guitar! Sorry, the family resemblance confused me for a moment.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 14 Jan 17 - 07:24 AM

They were on the road dark and early this morning - way before dawn, but then, before dawn on a Saturday morning is an excellent time to go through or past Dallas.

The dogs were so funny - my routine here when strangers arrive is to walk up the driveway to the back gate and greet the dogs and introduce company. Especially if there is a dog with the company; that gives my dogs a look at the visitor and helps discharge the pack energy somewhat. So there was an excited bit of jumping at the gate, then in the house Zeke first met Maggie, and after a minute the other two joined in and the poor girl had three dogs all larger than her checking her vital signs and everything else. She's a trooper, and after that initial shock they roamed the house during the evening while we talked. At one point my dogs wanted to start a rumble under the dining room table, something that was going to involve running, jumping, and picking up and throwing or dropping heavy dog chew toys. (If you've ever seen a dog pick up a toy and fling it, you know that property damage sometimes results. Or human injury, depending on what was flung).

During the night every couple of hours the hall outside the bedrooms sounded like the inside of a drum because my dogs all came inspecting the closed door outside the room where Maggie was spending the night and started wagging tails against the hall table and the walls and whining to invite her to go play or perhaps howl at a few coyotes out in the back yard.

Everyone is going to need a nap today.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 14 Jan 17 - 09:11 AM

Hi, Mom! Why are chicken pies almost always called chicken pot pies? The only time they should be called "pot" pies is when they're actually cooked in pots, which is something almost nobody does. Even my grandmother didn't cook chicken pie in a pot. She bought 'em frozen in little aluminum pans and baked them in the oven. (Grandma was old-fashioned, but she weren't no damned fool.)   Shouldn't they be called chicken pan pies? Heck, nowadays they don't even come in aluminum pans. They come in pan-shaped microwavable containers. Wouldn't chicken microwavable container pies be even more appropriate?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 14 Jan 17 - 09:31 AM

Is that your breakfast today, BWL?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 14 Jan 17 - 10:34 AM

No, Acme, chicken microwavable container pies are no longer part of my diet. Breakfast was scrambled eggs, grits, and sausage, all disgustingly mixed together in a bowl. Not appropriate cuisine for polite company.

But, back to the chicken pot pie thing, why are there no chicken meringue pies? Or chicken bundt cakes?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: keberoxu
Date: 14 Jan 17 - 01:35 PM

Checked out the photo. Acme, what is tattooed in front of your knuckles?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 14 Jan 17 - 02:20 PM

Bee Duya - MOM said to tell you they are chicken pot pies because they are not HAND pies....


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Jeri
Date: 14 Jan 17 - 02:28 PM

Keb, that's not Acme. It's Tucker. He was known as "Barky" around Mudcat, and is identified so in Acme's post.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 14 Jan 17 - 04:36 PM

Gawd, but Amos looks old! And yet he can't be more than what? 80? 85? But then he has led an adventurous like, hunting crocodiles bare-handed after parachuting in, landing on a glacier, fashioning a pair of skis, skiing 300 or so miles, finding a native companion (male), and eventually being rescued by his own cunning and wit just before being sacrificed by members of the local cargo cult.

I don't see a crank on the side of his guitar.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 14 Jan 17 - 04:37 PM

...because they are not HAND pies....

Of course they're not hand pies! Who ever heard of making pies from hands? You'd be sent to jail for doing that!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 14 Jan 17 - 05:39 PM

Who ever heard of making pies from hands?

Sweeney Todd, a tonsorial sort who was apparently a hand-some man.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 14 Jan 17 - 06:56 PM

I am petitioning Mom to have MMario's response to my chicken pie question, "they are chicken pot pies because they are not HAND pies...." stricken from this thread. It is a 100% factual answer and, as such, contains no BS. It is, thereby, disqualified from inclusion in this, The Mother of All BS Threads.

If someone could move it to The Mother of All Never, Never Tell a Lie Threads, that'd be great.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 14 Jan 17 - 09:31 PM

Nor are they harp pies.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 15 Jan 17 - 12:22 AM

Amos should be in Mississippi tonight. Tired and ready to travel the next leg of the eastern sojourn.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 15 Jan 17 - 05:06 AM

If memory serves, Amos's plan was to spend the night in Meridian, Mississippi. By straight-line reckoning, Meridian is not far from where I live, but you can't get there from here. Well, you actually can get there from here, but you have to walk or drive a wagon pulled by a mule. There are no paved roads that point in that general direction. They all have better sense, and point toward Birmingham or Atlanta.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 15 Jan 17 - 03:20 PM

It would be nice if Amos checked in here, but he's using just his phone for connectivity for this trip. If he accidentally missed the little "d" and loaded the entire thread it would take most of the time to drive between three states to load, and would eat up all of his data. So perhaps he's erring on the side of preserving his phone plan.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 15 Jan 17 - 06:20 PM

All ya hafta do to get Mom to load on a phone is expand the screen image until that little d becomes a big d.

But it's still a pain in the ass. I'd rather wait until I get back to my motel room where a laptop and free motel wifi are waiting.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 15 Jan 17 - 09:09 PM

From a posting by Amos to Facebook he is reposing on a park bench in North Carolina.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 16 Jan 17 - 10:26 AM

I suppose Amos is in his new house by now. I hope that the cannibal zombie ghosts don't eat what few brains Amos has left after all that time in Califoria.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 16 Jan 17 - 11:26 AM

Yes, generations from now, people will sit around the giant LED that looks a bit like a campfire and tell the tale of two men, a dog, a Martin guitar, and their fateful almost-but-not-quite-transcontinental journey in a pair of Toyota Priuses.

Children will shudder to hear of their bravery as they fought their way through the arid wasteland of Interstate 10, the treacherous badlands of Interstate 20, and the cholera-infested swamps of Interstate 85. And all done in vehicles that didn't even drive themselves, but were controlled by real human beings!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 16 Jan 17 - 12:57 PM

That journey also included a woman and a dog, each rode shotgun in a front passenger seat.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 16 Jan 17 - 01:38 PM

I assume there is much to be busy with this day in NC.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 16 Jan 17 - 09:31 PM

Yes, the Welcome Wagon, the inducements to join the Sons of the Confederacy, changing his instrument from guitar to banjo, connecting with the local moonshiner, all sorts of things. Eventually he'll find the Winn-Dixie or the Piggly-Wiggly or the Food Lion and lay in some grits, hominy, fatback, sowbelly, cornmeal, salaratus, and black-eyed peas. Why, come the Anniversary1


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 16 Jan 17 - 09:33 PM

he'll be all set and rarin' to go!



1. Of the firing on Fort Sumter, April 12, 1861, in the next State south.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 16 Jan 17 - 11:21 PM

Speaking of Piggly-Wiggly, if they were to merge with Hobby Lobby, would the stores be called Hoggly-Wobbly or Pobbly-Loggly?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 17 Jan 17 - 08:06 AM

Or Higgely-Piggely?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 17 Jan 17 - 10:16 AM

By the way, Rap, you omitted collard greens from Amos's grocery list. How could you remember fatback and forget collards?

And don't forget the white bread and bologna to make fried bologna sammiches


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 17 Jan 17 - 11:28 AM

Father Bourgeois called and left a message asking for a return call. Maybe they are looking for new priests? I hear there is a shortage due to the turnover rate.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 17 Jan 17 - 05:08 PM

With all this talk of food traditions from south of the Mason-Dixon Line, we have yet to ponder the most vexatious question of southern cuisine:

When served a pork chop sandwich, should one disassemble the sandwich and use a knife to remove the bone, or just eat around it?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 17 Jan 17 - 09:39 PM

Bee-Dubya, real Southerners eat it all and then quietly and discreetly spit the bone into the nearest potted palm (if one is in a fine restaurant such as Rosey's Eat Here Get Gas). Should such not be immediately available it can be chewed a la Big Kick, Beech Nut, or Chattanooga Chew and disposed of in a stryofoam cup or to the pocket of your overalls via your hand. Do not attempt to conceal the bone inside your overalls by sliding it under the bib or inside your nosewipe.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 18 Jan 17 - 05:37 PM

Harry Truman... "My choice early in life was either to be a piano player in a whorehouse or a politician. And to tell the truth, there's hardly any difference."

Oh yes there is. Politicians get better "tips".


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 18 Jan 17 - 05:47 PM

Gnu, the reason Father Bourgeois called was to inform parishioners that, in solidarity with the liberal working class social views of Pope Francis, he'd be changing his name to Father Proletariat.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 18 Jan 17 - 07:07 PM

According the photos on facebook the moving van arrived this morning, so the magic of turning an empty house into a home has begun.

Hopefully they have a supply of bandaids, neosporin, hydrogen peroxide, tweezers, and also a screwdriver (one each Philips and the regular kind), a pair of pliers, and a hammer. It would also help to have a snack area set up in the kitchen and a coffee pot at the ready. All of that stuff will be needed this week.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 18 Jan 17 - 08:21 PM

Amos having people from Ft. Bragg coming to help set up the house. How he rates this is classified Tippy-Top Beyond Top Secret. Suffice to say that back in his seafaring days he obtained some very, very, very interesting photographs (including the negatives) of certain people doing certain things. As a result he has what in some circles is called "pull" in getting things accomplished.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 19 Jan 17 - 10:14 AM

Of course, it's the other, little, things that will make his new house his new home. I know that painting it black inside and out is high on the "to do" list. So is installing a larger heating plant (being used to all that warm California weather), such as the one described in this PDF.

Oh, sorry. That's for the kitchen. The new heating plant is kind of hush-hush, but it involves a toriodal plasma containment unit -- it's Amos' own design and he's quite proud of it.

Anyway, welcome to your new house (and home), Amos!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 19 Jan 17 - 10:20 PM

The Bear Hunt

A wild-bear chace, didst never see?
Then hast thou lived in vain.
Thy richest bump of glorious glee,
Lies desert in thy brain.

When first my father settled here,
'Twas then the frontier line:
The panther's scream, filled night with fear
And bears preyed on the swine.

But wo for Bruin's short lived fun,
When rose the squealing cry;
Now man and horse, with dog and gun,
For vengeance, at him fly.

A sound of danger strikes his ear;
He gives the breeze a snuff;
Away he bounds, with little fear,
And seeks the tangled rough.

On press his foes, and reach the ground,
Where's left his half munched meal;
The dogs, in circles, scent around,
And find his fresh made trail.

With instant cry, away they dash,
And men as fast pursue;
O'er logs they leap, through water splash,
And shout the brisk halloo.

Now to elude the eager pack,
Bear shuns the open ground;
Th[r]ough matted vines, he shapes his track
And runs it, round and round.

The tall fleet cur, with deep-mouthed voice,
Now speeds him, as the wind;
While half-grown pup, and short-legged fice,
Are yelping far behind.

And fresh recruits are dropping in
To join the merry corps:
With yelp and yell,--a mingled din--
The woods are in a roar.

And round, and round the chace now goes,
The world's alive with fun;
Nick Carter's horse, his rider throws,
And more, Hill drops his gun.

Now sorely pressed, bear glances back,
And lolls his tired tongue;
When as, to force him from his track,
An ambush on him sprung.

Across the glade he sweeps for flight,
And fully is in view.
The dogs, new-fired, by the sight,
Their cry, and speed, renew.

The foremost ones, now reach his rear,
He turns, they dash away;
And circling now, the wrathful bear,
They have him full at bay.

At top of speed, the horse-men come,
All screaming in a row,
"Whoop! Take him Tiger. Seize him Drum."
Bang,--bang--the rifles go.

And furious now, the dogs he tears,
And crushes in his ire,
Wheels right and left, and upward rears,
With eyes of burning fire.

But leaden death is at his heart,
Vain all the strength he plies.
And, spouting blood from every part,
He reels, and sinks, and dies.

And now a dinsome clamor rose,
'Bout who should have his skin;
Who first draws blood, each hunter knows,
This prize must always win.

But who did this, and how to trace
What's true from what's a lie,
Like lawyers, in a murder case
They stoutly argufy.

Aforesaid fice, of blustering mood,
Behind, and quite forgot,
Just now emerging from the wood,
Arrives upon the spot.

With grinning teeth, and up-turned hair--
Brim full of spunk and wrath,
He growls, and seizes on dead bear,
And shakes for life and death.

And swells as if his skin would tear,
And growls and shakes again;
And swears, as plain as dog can swear,
That he has won the skin.

Conceited whelp! we laugh at thee--
Nor mind, that now a few
Of pompous, two-legged dogs there be,
Conceited quite as you.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 20 Jan 17 - 12:13 AM

Last full day of sanity in the D.C. area, tomorrow the Trump Circus is moving in. Ringling, Barnam and Bailey didn't stand a chance against the competition. What does a circus clown do when the circus closes?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 20 Jan 17 - 08:25 AM

Be of good heart, dear comrades! For while do we suppose that we know, we truly know not and cannot. For

Too long a sacrifice
Can make a stone of the heart.
O when may it suffice?
That is Heaven's part, our part
To murmur name upon name,
As a mother names her child
When sleep at last has come
On limbs that had run wild.
What is it but nightfall?
No, no, not night but death;
Was it needless death after all?
For England may keep faith
For all that is done and said.
We know their dream; enough
To know they dreamed and are dead;
And what if excess of love
Bewildered them till they died?
I write it out in a verse ?
MacDonagh and MacBride
And Connolly and Pearse
Now and in time to be,
Wherever green is worn,
Are changed, changed utterly:
A terrible beauty is born.


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