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BS: The Mother of all BS threads

MMario 28 Mar 06 - 04:15 PM
Amos 28 Mar 06 - 05:46 PM
Rapparee 28 Mar 06 - 06:37 PM
Amos 28 Mar 06 - 08:04 PM
Rapparee 28 Mar 06 - 11:23 PM
MMario 29 Mar 06 - 08:27 AM
Rapparee 29 Mar 06 - 09:25 AM
Acme 29 Mar 06 - 10:02 AM
MMario 29 Mar 06 - 10:17 AM
Rapparee 29 Mar 06 - 11:02 AM
Acme 29 Mar 06 - 11:40 AM
MMario 29 Mar 06 - 11:47 AM
Rapparee 29 Mar 06 - 01:25 PM
Amos 29 Mar 06 - 04:12 PM
MMario 29 Mar 06 - 04:17 PM
Rapparee 29 Mar 06 - 05:07 PM
Amos 29 Mar 06 - 07:04 PM
Rapparee 29 Mar 06 - 08:56 PM
Rapparee 29 Mar 06 - 09:16 PM
Amos 30 Mar 06 - 09:05 AM
Rapparee 30 Mar 06 - 09:18 AM
Acme 30 Mar 06 - 11:25 AM
MMario 30 Mar 06 - 11:38 AM
Rapparee 30 Mar 06 - 11:49 AM
Amos 30 Mar 06 - 02:35 PM
Rapparee 30 Mar 06 - 03:26 PM
Acme 31 Mar 06 - 12:09 AM
Bunnahabhain 31 Mar 06 - 07:33 AM
Rapparee 31 Mar 06 - 09:33 AM
Acme 31 Mar 06 - 11:43 AM
Rapparee 31 Mar 06 - 11:57 AM
Acme 31 Mar 06 - 01:41 PM
Rapparee 31 Mar 06 - 02:34 PM
Little Hawk 31 Mar 06 - 02:42 PM
Rapparee 31 Mar 06 - 02:51 PM
Little Hawk 31 Mar 06 - 02:54 PM
Rapparee 31 Mar 06 - 02:56 PM
Little Hawk 31 Mar 06 - 02:59 PM
Rapparee 31 Mar 06 - 04:55 PM
Amos 31 Mar 06 - 06:02 PM
Rapparee 31 Mar 06 - 06:49 PM
Acme 31 Mar 06 - 11:27 PM
Rapparee 01 Apr 06 - 10:30 AM
Acme 01 Apr 06 - 11:41 AM
Amos 01 Apr 06 - 01:58 PM
Acme 01 Apr 06 - 05:20 PM
Amos 01 Apr 06 - 07:11 PM
Little Hawk 01 Apr 06 - 07:20 PM
Rapparee 01 Apr 06 - 09:56 PM
Acme 01 Apr 06 - 09:58 PM
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 28 Mar 06 - 04:15 PM

shhhhhhhh! MOM is meditating on the witchness of 'Y'; and the Why-ness of Which.

She is grokking the essentialness of the universal "who"; and contemplating the underlying interconnection of hyperspatial intelligentsia.


















or maybe she's napping. I get them confused.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 28 Mar 06 - 05:46 PM

When all minds are absent from Mom, Mom grows absent-minded.

She needs a nip, I wot t'is what. As the unknown actress who conceived Henry Fonda's illegitimate child at a drunken party one night explained, years afterwards:

Absinthe made thee, Hargrove Fonda.

I'll get my coat. Ya wanna go for a walk, Mom?


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 28 Mar 06 - 06:37 PM

As someone once said (I don't have the person's name and extensive research, both in print and electronic media, have failed to turn up the source of the quotation; I've tried and tried, but it seems to be one of those that is attributed to someone when the actual source is lost in the mists of time or, like the famous example of "Go West, young man" was orginally said by someone other than the person to whom the quotation is usually attributed).


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 28 Mar 06 - 08:04 PM

"Don't keep me hanging, Padré!"

James Destry


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 28 Mar 06 - 11:23 PM

That brings to mind the execution of Black Jack Ketchum. Not the brightest of the outlaws of the Old West, and "Nothing so made his mark upon this world as his leaving of it."


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 29 Mar 06 - 08:27 AM

'morning MOM!

Bright sunshine out, springlike temperatures, it's almost Mud Season!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 29 Mar 06 - 09:25 AM

Rain and four and a half hours sleep....


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 29 Mar 06 - 10:02 AM

Rain and seven hours sleep.

I've managed to get the dogs to stop barking outside the back door until I feed them by short-circuiting the process. They don't get fed first thing any more, they get a 15-30 minute walk, then we come back home and they get fed. They bark if they know they'll get fed soon, but they don't bark in order to go for a walk.

Pretty smart, eh? (Until they think of some other annoying trick to turn into a habit, that is. . .)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 29 Mar 06 - 10:17 AM

As mud season approacheth and temperatures get warmer the wild life and semi-wild life in the area is beginning to become more evident. A pair of mallards has taken up residence on the farm pond - but they have yet to indulge in one of their wild orgies (a spring tradition with them) - good thing too - they can get pretty raucous!

The panther went outside last night for what is really the first time since fall turned to winter. He spent about an hour outside before running back in, nerves atwitter with the excitement of having been off the porch.

The orange barn cat turned elderly house cat was stalking four deer yesterday morning - they were very nervous about it and finally the four of them rushed him all at once in order to get past the corner of the house where he was crouched, slavering, dreaming of venison.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 29 Mar 06 - 11:02 AM

Book trailer. I have to go out to see about the book trailer. This is a Big Deal.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 29 Mar 06 - 11:40 AM

Is this like a book mobile without the mobile?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 29 Mar 06 - 11:47 AM

or is it like a movie trailor only about a book - that would be in text, though right?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 29 Mar 06 - 01:25 PM

Hah! We are working on turning loose on the public streets a small trailer (5 ft. wide x 8 feet long x about 65 inches high) which will carry about 800 books in shelving along the outside walls. The walls will lift up to open the shelves for business; in the middle will be stored returned books, chairs, and stuff needed for the trailer. We'll tow it with the Library's 1996 Subaru stationwagon, which will tow up to 2,000 pounds. Something like this, which the Chicago Public Library ran in 1939.

The three local Rotary Clubs are working with us on this, and it's moving forward rather quickly.

Why? I hear you asking.

Because this trailer will cost about $3,200, as opposed to about $200,000 US for a bookmobile. Because almost anyone can drive the Subaru with the trailer, and I'd have to hire AT LEAST two drivers with Commercial Drivers' Licenses for a bookmobile. Because Bookmobiles get about seven (7) miles to the gallon if you're lucky, and we do have to buy gasoline. Because housing the trailer will be less of a problem than housing a bookmobile.

Yes, there a certain drawbacks. But everything has drawbacks. When this hits the streets we will be, as far as I know, the ONLY public library in the US doing this sort of thing.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 29 Mar 06 - 04:12 PM

Bravo! Bravo!! Get them their books!! Get them in among the Ideas and let them Read! Huzzah!!

Mom, Rapaire has been forgiven for everything.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 29 Mar 06 - 04:17 PM

You do realize the Military will newver allow this, don't you? Most of the cost of a Bookmobile is in the shielding that prevents L-space from being detected by the users. Your trailer just isn't going to be large enough in the present dimension to allow that, and there is no way "they" will allow a mobile unshielded L-space carrier to be operated.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 29 Mar 06 - 05:07 PM

We'll be operating in B-space, not L-space. They are unaware of B-space, and so we will operate "under the radar" until Der Tag. Then the plans made long ago by Meville Dewey will come to fruition and The Revolution will be over before they know it has begun!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 29 Mar 06 - 07:04 PM

Good. It's about time all that conspiracy theory came to fruition so people can stop worrying about it going on.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 29 Mar 06 - 08:56 PM

I've never told anyone this before, but here's The Truth. Don't, for goodness sakes, tell anyone I told you or I'll be drummed out of the Bibliotecal Bruderbund (Includes Women).

When Ghatma Buddha studied under Siva and Kali, he rejected Kali's teaching and thereby gained only half the knowledge he needed. Kali became angry at this rejection of her Wisdom, and was going to start The Dance but was dissuaded by Lao Tzu. Instead, Kali seduced Freya into sleeping with Math Mathonwy by offering Chango a piece of the Salmon of Knowledge.

Freya got preggers from the encounter and gave birth to triplets: Elesie, Odwy, and Udsie -- two girls and a boy. Given their parents and the gifts given to the three at their birth by Siva, Kali, Math Mathonwy, Lao Tzu, Chango, Lilith, Osiris, Isis, Pele, the Hiiakas, Ereshkigal, Inanna, Uzume, Amaterasu, Oya and the rest of the gang, the three kids were wise before their time. When they had grown they gathered to themselves women and men of surpassing intelligence, wit, charm, beauty, spin, up, down, and all the rest of the virtues. These people work to bring Order from the Chaos of Knowledge while preserving what Martin Buber, in his early work "Daniel" called "the whirlpool."

But ranged against these noble warriors of the mind are a group known only as "The Perfect Unwashed Ones" or TPUO (pronounced "Ptooey"). These do their awful best to thwart the followers of The Three by stealing books, censorship, mutilating books, keeping stuff overdue, and cutting library budgets.

Many times the followers of The Three have thought to make their work easier by having Kali do a little dance; just a few steps, nothing really major, but decided that ol' Kali might get carried away and forget to stop and then where would we be?

So Elsie, Dewey, and Udeesie (as the three are now known)made a plan a couple hundred years ago which will bring about the complete destruction of the TPUO and usher in a New Age where books will be arranged in neat rows on the shelves, nothing will be overdue, and babies will not puke on the pages.

The time for the New Age is almost upon us, and has nearly reached that ripeness from which the New Age will burst forth like pus from a nice, ripe, juicy, pimple.

If you don't want to be numbered among TPUO, get your library books back on time and pay your fines (if any). And you'd better do it very soon.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 29 Mar 06 - 09:16 PM

I've just gotten an email from the BB(IW) that they are very disappointed in me because I told you all about The Plan, but they also know that MOABites are worthy To Know. So you guys are off the hook and you can sleep easy tonight knowing that your library cards haven't softly and suddenly vanished away.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 30 Mar 06 - 09:05 AM

Off the hook!! Fine for us. But what about that poor Salmon of Knowledge?


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 30 Mar 06 - 09:18 AM

Oh, hell, Amos. That fish was caught and cooked years back!

Demne was the son of Cumhail mac Art, a warrior killed before his mother gave birth to him. Fearing for her son's safety at the hands of her husband's killers, she sent him away to be raised by a woman warrior and druidess. They taught him first to be a hunter. When he raced and caught wild deer and brought them back to the women who raised him they decided it was time for him to learn the skills of a warrior.

Not long afterward, Demne came upon a group of boys playing hurley. For several days running he beat them single-handedly, first a quarter of the boys, then half, and finally the entire group. The defeated boys complained about their shameful defeat to their chieftain and at the chieftain's suggestion plotted to kill Demne. They attempted an attack in the water but Demne not only saved his own life but also drowned several of them.

Unable to avoid pursuit by his father's enemies, Demne decided to become a poet. A poet's status in the Celtic society was so high that being a member of that profession would shield him from harm. He took up study with a poet named Finneces who lived near the River Boyne.

The River Boyne was home to a magical salmon that ate nuts from a hazel tree and was known as the Salmon of Knowledge. A druid had foretold that whoever ate first of the flesh of that magical salmon would have knowledge of all things. After many years of watching the salmon, Finneces finally caught it and told his apprentice Demne to cook the fish.

A hunter and warrior Demne might have been but those skills would not protect him from the burning his thumb while the salmon was cooking. He sucked his thumb to ease the pain, thereby tasting the salmon. Demne told Finneces what had happened and his mentor decreed that the young Demne was the one intended to eat the salmon and changed his name to "Finn". Henceforth known as Finn mac Cumhail, he received three gifts that would make him a great poet: magic, great insight, and the power of words.


There were several pieces of The Salmon left, however, and these were gathered up and fed to other salmon and in this way the powers of The Salmon has been passed on over the generations. These fish are kept in a special pool of the River Liffey (WAAAAAAAAAAAAY upstream from Dublin!) and when the time is right are smoked and sent to Library Schools around the world. Each graduate of each school, having been Deemed Worthy to graduate is given a piece of this smoked salmon to eat -- and what happens is so wonderful that everyone that tastes of it craves both the taste of The Salmon and what it brings.

That's why the traditional graduate degree for librarians is called an "MLS". We've camouflaged the real meaning by telling everyone it means "Master of Library Science" but it really means "More Liffey Salmon."


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 30 Mar 06 - 11:25 AM

OOOOH! Google is offering salmon for sale at the bottom! But I didn't log on for that, I logged on to share this:

The 23rd Qualm
(Written by a retired Methodist minister. )

Bush is my shepherd; I dwell in want.
He maketh logs to be cut down in national forests.
He leadeth trucks into the still wilderness.
He restoreth my fears.
He leadeth me in the paths of international disgrace
for his ego's sake.
Yea, though I walk through the valley of pollution and war,
I will find no exit, for thou art in office.
Thy tax cuts for the rich and thy media control, they discomfort me.
Thou preparest an agenda of deception in the presence of thy religion.
Thou anointest my head with foreign oil.
My health insurance runneth out.
Surely megalomania and false patriotism shall follow me
all the days of thy term,
And my jobless child shall dwell in my basement forever.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 30 Mar 06 - 11:38 AM

I would personally prefer to see it as "in the pretense of thy religion" - but won't quibble.

Okay, I already did quibble, but you know what I mean.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 30 Mar 06 - 11:49 AM

A Sparse Grey Quibble tied on a #32 barbless hook is the favored fly for catching the wily Portneuf River sturgeon. Naturally, it's catch-and-release if you manage to land one. If you hook one and don't manage to land it it's catch-and-eat from the sturgeon point of view.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 30 Mar 06 - 02:35 PM

That doesn't seem very fair. Has anyone tried negotiating with those sturgeons?

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 30 Mar 06 - 03:26 PM

The Izaak Walton League tried a couple years ago, but no remains were ever found. Just a large bubbling burp.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 31 Mar 06 - 12:09 AM

Hey, Mom, the doctor didn't get mad at me when I fessed up that I dosed myself with a week's worth of amoxil. Said it was a good guess at getting the sinus infection. It just didn't get it all, so I have a stronger one for 10 days to nuke it.

I seem to have missed most of March. . .


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bunnahabhain
Date: 31 Mar 06 - 07:33 AM

Don't worry, nothing much happened.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 31 Mar 06 - 09:33 AM

March, the Month of Mud. And it's nearly over.

I'm on prednisone and Augmentin, myself. Pat's on Z-Cillin for the same thing. Coughing and infection. You have a dirty mind.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 31 Mar 06 - 11:43 AM

Prednisone? Did you stuff poison ivy up your nose to try to deal with your sinus infection? Sounds like your household is a walking advertisement for three-ply Kleenex.

Who has a dirty mind?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 31 Mar 06 - 11:57 AM

Two weeks ago we had 14 boxes of kleenex. This morning we had four.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 31 Mar 06 - 01:41 PM

Yeah, I know the feeling. We have Big Lots stores around here and they had the large boxes of Kleenex on a really good sale last week. I picked up about 10 boxes and distributed them around the house where all of our old boxes had been depleted.

So, the weekend is here, the weather is good, I'm feeling better--time to stay in the house and do my income taxes. Whhhaaaaaa!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 31 Mar 06 - 02:34 PM

Go here

Links to a live feed of a pair of nesting bald eagles in Hornby Island, British Columbia.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 31 Mar 06 - 02:42 PM

As you near 12,000 posts, hope for an appearance by William Shatner.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 31 Mar 06 - 02:51 PM

As what?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 31 Mar 06 - 02:54 PM

The answer?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 31 Mar 06 - 02:56 PM

To what question?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 31 Mar 06 - 02:59 PM

"Who is the greatest?"


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 31 Mar 06 - 04:55 PM

The greatest what?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 31 Mar 06 - 06:02 PM

LH, I think it is time to grow up.

Start a fixation on Gordon Lightfoot or something.

This Shatner fellow is a dweeb and a poor specimen of humanity.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 31 Mar 06 - 06:49 PM

Well, that answers my question. He's the Greatest Dweeb And Poor Speciman of Humanity.

LH, you should have said so right away.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 31 Mar 06 - 11:27 PM

I can't think of anything to add to this stunning repartee, so I'll just give mom a boost and say "good night!"


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 01 Apr 06 - 10:30 AM

Howdy, Mom! How're ya doin' on this, Amos's Special Day, huh?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 01 Apr 06 - 11:41 AM

Overcast, threatening rain here in Texas. We may actually get a spring growing season after all! Hey Mom, I dug up a sweet-smelling daffodil, bulb and all, and it's sitting in a pot on my kitchen table. Just like Matha Stewart!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 01 Apr 06 - 01:58 PM

Rapaire,

Your flaming on this thread has gone far enough. Joe Offer agrees. Your cookie is about to be eaten. Forget trying to log in here during your penance period. Mudcat Justice may grind exceeding slow, but it does grind exceeding fine.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 01 Apr 06 - 05:20 PM

Ground cookies? Are you making a pie crust?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 01 Apr 06 - 07:11 PM

You ARE just like Martha Stewart! LOL!!

Ok, Rapaire, I take back my leedle joke. Just don't do it again, whatever it was you did. Mom is wise to you. You never knew that she knew, but she knew all along. I knew she knew, too, and knew, too, that you knew she knew not, which was not really something you knew anyway because it was wrong -- she knew. You just didn't know she knew.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 01 Apr 06 - 07:20 PM

You pullin' the "maturity" thing on me again, Amos?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 01 Apr 06 - 09:56 PM

Amos? Maturity?

Have you never heard the word "oxymoron"??


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 01 Apr 06 - 09:58 PM

Did anyone else listen to All Things Considered this evening? The last story. by Alice Furlaud, was agonizing to listen to--and I sincerely hope it was this year's entry in the April Fool's category. It's listed under "Fun and Games" at the site.

Here is the link.

I tell you, this one is excruciating to listen to. Opera, inspired by the positive thoughts of Norman Vincent Peale. I wish my Dad was still alive to send this link to. He'd have loved it!


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