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BS: The Mother of all BS threads

Amos 21 Apr 06 - 02:46 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 21 Apr 06 - 03:34 PM
Amos 21 Apr 06 - 03:37 PM
Rustic Rebel 21 Apr 06 - 03:44 PM
Acme 21 Apr 06 - 04:55 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 21 Apr 06 - 06:09 PM
katlaughing 21 Apr 06 - 07:02 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 21 Apr 06 - 07:24 PM
Amos 21 Apr 06 - 08:06 PM
Amos 21 Apr 06 - 10:11 PM
MMario 22 Apr 06 - 12:13 PM
Acme 22 Apr 06 - 12:21 PM
Amos 22 Apr 06 - 04:07 PM
Amos 22 Apr 06 - 10:25 PM
Acme 23 Apr 06 - 12:08 AM
Rustic Rebel 23 Apr 06 - 11:21 AM
Amos 23 Apr 06 - 02:23 PM
Bunnahabhain 23 Apr 06 - 06:28 PM
Rapparee 23 Apr 06 - 07:44 PM
Rustic Rebel 23 Apr 06 - 09:28 PM
Amos 24 Apr 06 - 10:32 AM
Acme 24 Apr 06 - 10:55 AM
Acme 24 Apr 06 - 11:07 AM
MMario 24 Apr 06 - 11:20 AM
Rapparee 24 Apr 06 - 11:28 AM
Amos 24 Apr 06 - 11:51 AM
Acme 24 Apr 06 - 11:28 PM
GUEST,Rev. Jimmy Ray Humbrew 25 Apr 06 - 12:04 AM
Amos 25 Apr 06 - 04:12 AM
MMario 25 Apr 06 - 09:27 AM
Amos 25 Apr 06 - 09:41 AM
Acme 25 Apr 06 - 10:24 AM
MMario 25 Apr 06 - 10:30 AM
Acme 25 Apr 06 - 12:17 PM
Rapparee 25 Apr 06 - 01:32 PM
MMario 25 Apr 06 - 01:50 PM
Rapparee 25 Apr 06 - 01:52 PM
Amos 25 Apr 06 - 02:19 PM
MMario 25 Apr 06 - 02:26 PM
Rapparee 25 Apr 06 - 04:34 PM
Rapparee 25 Apr 06 - 05:58 PM
GUEST,Rev. Jimmy Ray Humbrew 25 Apr 06 - 10:51 PM
Acme 25 Apr 06 - 11:20 PM
Amos 26 Apr 06 - 12:15 AM
Rapparee 26 Apr 06 - 09:21 AM
Amos 26 Apr 06 - 09:58 AM
Bunnahabhain 26 Apr 06 - 06:25 PM
Rapparee 26 Apr 06 - 06:29 PM
Amos 26 Apr 06 - 07:05 PM
Amos 26 Apr 06 - 09:14 PM
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 21 Apr 06 - 02:46 PM

Oh, Stilly!

The whole thing is a hoax.

Hoaxity, hoaxity, hoax, hoax, hoax. A flippant bamboozle in meter and rhyme. No merit, no substance, just BS sublime.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 21 Apr 06 - 03:34 PM

I once caught a hoax while fishing for catfish. Took about a dozen pictures of it but they kept comin' out blurry. Finally decided that the pictures were comin' out okay but that the hoax itself was blurry. Decided to cook the thing. Took it home and skinned it but it must have been a really modest hoax 'cause it kept growin' its skin back. After skinnin' it five or six times I finally decided to fry it with its skin on. Tossed it into the hot grease and it asked me if I had soap, shampoo and a razor it could borrow. Finally gave up, cooked hamburgers for both of us and drove the thing back to the river.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 21 Apr 06 - 03:37 PM

Dang! That was some hoax!!

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rustic Rebel
Date: 21 Apr 06 - 03:44 PM

Oh, whoa is MOAB what shall we all do?
Amos is leavin', makes me sing the blues.
His head wore out from all this poo
He's gettin' old, paid his dues.

:::Everyone sing with me here:::
Poor Old Amos
Brain ain't young no more!
Poor Old Amos
Adios, you philosophic bore!

He has filled our heads a time or five
With thoughts of gravity, mathmatics and jive.
Now he leaves us, with fair warning
I wish you well Old mind, hope you make it 'till morning!

:::Everyone sing with me here:::
Poor Old Amos
Brain ain't young no more!
Poor Old Amos
Adios, you philosophic bore!




(Smile)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 21 Apr 06 - 04:55 PM

The rest was fine, but you really ramped it up at the end. We get tired of running that Good Ol' Boy off after a while.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 21 Apr 06 - 06:09 PM

Rustic Rebel, it wudda been a heap more insultin' if you hadda said "philosophizin' bore" 'stead of "philosophic bore".


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: katlaughing
Date: 21 Apr 06 - 07:02 PM

Please note: I believe this is the first time I have ever, ever posted to this Monster of a Thread!

I saw a fellow with a Tshirt, today, which said, in big, bold letters "MOAB." Now, we live across the border from a place called Moab (moe-ab)and I think that's what his shirt was promoting, BUT at first glance I wanted to run to hm, shake his hand, and say "Who ARE you? Do you know the Mother of them all on the Mudcat?!!"

On second glance, I thought...hmmmmm, maybe a few beknighted blighters who have nothing better to do than add to the longest thread in history would like to bid for a MOAB tshirt or two in the Mudcat auction. Easy enough for me to get them, SO...if any of you puir souls are interested, please let me know and we'll get the ball rolling.:-)

katlaughing


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 21 Apr 06 - 07:24 PM

Yas, Kat, the subject of that Moab has been brought up here before. Rapaire is of the opinion that the place has become overly commercialized and is unworthy of our acknowledgement. In that, he is following in the philosophic footsteps of that Moab's best known denizen, Edward Abbey, who got so tired of the place he decided to die instead of hang out there anymore.

However, I personally am still pissed off because I met a woman from Moab who new Abbey quite well and promised me that if I were to arrange a visit at an appropriate time, she would arrange for me to buy Ed Abbey a beer. Fucker died before I got a chance to.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 21 Apr 06 - 08:06 PM

My condolences on missing Ed Abbey -- I did too.

But...a philosophic BORE?

...


MOI????

Oh, Suzy....

Say it ain't so! How...how...disillUSIONing!


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 21 Apr 06 - 10:11 PM

Major Landmarks:

1958: First transistor-powered computer (Control Data's CDC 1604)
1961: Introduction of the integrated circuit (Fairchild Semiconductor)
1964: IBM System 360 introduced; Dartmouth College develops the Time Share system, a primitive Wide Area network.
1965: First minicomputer, PDP-8 (DEC)
1969: ARPA Net is launched, connects four universities in a network; Intel founded; Alan Kay suggests "personal computers".
1971: TI introduces a 2.5 pound pocket calculator
1972: Email and the use of the "@" symbol adapted for ARPANet (Ray Tomlinson)
1973: FTP protoco; developed.
1974: Ethernet developed. (Bob Metcalfe)
1975: ALtair 256-byte computer kit offered for sale. Bill Gates write a BASIC compiler for it.
1976-1980: Queen Elizabeth II sends the first royal electronic mail message. Apple, Tandy/Radio Shack, Osborne heat up personal computer market.
1980: Defense Department adapts TCP I/P protocol.
1981" IBM offers the first IBM PC, forerunner of Wintel machines.
1982: TIME elects computer as Man of the Year; Norway becomes an Internet connection over TCPI/P leaving the dedicated college network.
1982-1986 Lots of listservs, BITNet, earlu Comp[uServe, bulletin boards
1983: DNS (Name-servingf) developed. NCP nodes cutover to TCP I/P.
1985 WELL (bulletin board in SFO) started.
1986: First "backbone" sponsored by NSF -- 56 kbps.
1988: There are 60, 000 hosts on the Internet. FidoNet ties in.
1989 Archie (Peter Deutsch, McHill U) created to archive FTP sites. WAIS server method introduced. Tim Berners-Lee suggest a hypertext protocol for CERN references. There are 100,000 hosts on the Internet.
1990: Hytelnet index of telnet sites developed (Peter Scott, U. Saskatchewan). Mitch Kapor founds Electronic Freedom Foundation. ARPANET expires.
1991: U. Minnesota demonstrates first Gopher Client-Server architecture. VERONICA and JUGHEAD quickly follow.
1992: Delphi commercial network offers "e-mail" accounts and Internetwork servioce.
1993: Marcd Andressen at NCSA leads a team to develop Mosaic for browsing hypertext, which became Netscape.
1994: Michael Dertzous, Tim Berners-Lee and others form the World Wide Web Consortium. "www" exceeds traffic of "telnet" connections. Jpanese Prime Minister goes on-line.
1995: Sun launches JAVA. Real-Audio real-time broadcasting introduced. Thousands in Minneapolis lose connecxtion because transients start a bonfire under a bridge and melt fiber-optic lines. Vatican comes on line.

I guess its been pretty much downhill since then.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 22 Apr 06 - 12:13 PM

1995:Vatican comes on line.
I guess its been pretty much downhill since then.



hmmmmm - is this significant?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 22 Apr 06 - 12:21 PM

May the GOPHER rest in peace. I used it a lot back in the good ol' days.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 22 Apr 06 - 04:07 PM

Of course, I inadvertently left out the most important event in the list..

Still gives me chills.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 22 Apr 06 - 10:25 PM

Well, what would you expect from a philosophic bore? C'mon, Ma, I'll help you up and tell you all about my quantum-mechanics version of Nietzche...



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 23 Apr 06 - 12:08 AM

Sorry I wasn't around much today, MOM. I was working on the GOPHER environment in my own back yard. Yup, I was shoveling dirt. . . (no gophers, though. No nothing now that there are two canine-critters that live back there).


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rustic Rebel
Date: 23 Apr 06 - 11:21 AM

Come on now Amos- Your replacing yourself with MG???
You know I love ya baby but that's a little too heavy to laugh. (My way of showing I can hurt back!!)
Oi-what a bitch does come from a noble cause!!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 23 Apr 06 - 02:23 PM

All right, I apologize for that ill-conceived joke and you got even with me fair and square.

And I should add your poetry always makes me grin even if I do have to uncross my eyes first! LOL


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bunnahabhain
Date: 23 Apr 06 - 06:28 PM

Apperently we're about a dozen running jokes, nattering inanely. I think it was meant in a nice way though.

Besides, inane can mean characterless, which we certainly are not. Empty, sensless and void I'll not mention....


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 23 Apr 06 - 07:44 PM

There once was a MOAB maid
Who never was afraid
Of GUESTS and dinks and uninformed finks
And Flamenco Teds who tried to raid
She went to Mother's house
With her keyboard and her mouse,
And when the Idaho Legion came to town
She could always hold her own.

cho: Oh, you can't fool me, I'm sticking to the MOAB,
I'm sticking to the MOAB,I'm sticking to the MOAB
Oh, you can't scare me, I'm sticking to the MOAB,
I'm sticking to the MOAB till the day I die.

This MOAB maid was wise
To the tricks of GUESTs and spies,
She couldn't be fooled by some damfool
She knew that Mom was cool...
She never had to dread
When she'd post to the MOAB thread
She'd post her post and make her boast,
And this is what she'd say:

cho: Oh, you can't fool me, I'm sticking to the MOAB,
I'm sticking to the MOAB,I'm sticking to the MOAB
Oh, you can't scare me, I'm sticking to the MOAB,
I'm sticking to the MOAB till the day I die.


                      -- Anonymous, Songs, Poems, Doggerell, Broadsides, Boredsides, Backsides, Sharps and Flats of the MOAB (Murrain, Maine: Footrot Press, fl. 1834)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rustic Rebel
Date: 23 Apr 06 - 09:28 PM

I find it a treasure to manic a syllogistical relevance in the structure of an atomic stink bomb to the waves of all gratuitios motion of rationality.
Therefore I apologize also, Amos. I promise to never write mean and insulting poetry about you, dear scholar, again! (But that doesn't mean, I hope what I just wrote, won't cause cross-eyed-ness!)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 24 Apr 06 - 10:32 AM

I had a friend, upon a time, and a mighty friend was he.
His tongue went loop-de-loop-de-loop, and his blade went "Snicker! Snee!".
His fingers typed words of delight
Dancing like light gone made,
But he disappeared quite late, one night,
And the story turned out bad.

It seems his door was knocked upon,
When most folks were in bed,
By two large gents in wrinkled suits
And large, and wrinkled, heads.
They said he had been singled out,
That someone Big was pissed,
Berated him as a useless lout,
And a goddamned plagiarist.

They listed tomes and poems and works
He'd borrowed for a while,
And touted up and frilled out
In inimitable style.
The said he'd never paid a dime
To those whose works he'd borrow,
And all of this was coming back,
To visit him with sorrow.

They told him he was going away,
Into the darkling deeps
Where bad men worry through the day,
And fret too much to sleep.
Where hard men break, and life is hard,
And you scramble for what you get,
And there's no such thing as e-mail,
OR a high-speed Internet.

My friend, he blanched, he paled, he flinched,
He knew that he'd done wrong,
He knew that even then his screen
Held a half-baked stolen song.
He realized then -- too late, too late --
He should have listened, way back when,
To his dear Mom; too late, too late,
He was heard from ne'er again.

And so I come to this Cafe,
To write, and to forget,
But something still recalls to me
This friend I think on yet.
I never learned if he had ever
re-crossed that chilling schism
That split him from the world he loved,
On account of plagiarism.

So good folks all, pray heed this call,
Think of this man, cast doon,
And make your good works all your own,
From your own hand, alone.
Steal not the works of other men,
Or lines of other poets;
For if you do, they'll come for you,
And everyone will know it.

Seamus Sanmerci O'Toole
Lilting the Right -- Poems from the Lexington Express
Dublin Upp Press, New York, 1937
All rights reserved except for Bearded Bruce


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 24 Apr 06 - 10:55 AM

Google below is just this moment offering free ringtones and poems, which is of course the old scam "submit your poem to enter the contest and oh, by the way, buy a copy of the book that contains your pome (the apple of your eye!) for $179.47 per copy. . .


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 24 Apr 06 - 11:07 AM

Oooooo---new trick!

Your post contains a forbidden HTML tag.

darn, didn't work. bobad must be a clone, or else is able to put in "illegal code" in the threads. The mudcat icon turned up in the Mudcat icon thread. . .


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 24 Apr 06 - 11:20 AM

or requested help, as per the FAQ


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 24 Apr 06 - 11:28 AM

There is no frigate like lampoon        
To take us lands away,        
Nor any coursers like a page        
Of prancing parody.        

This travail may e'en the poet take
Without oppress of toil;        
How frugal is the copyright        
That bares taurian night soil!

Amanda Hortense Dickinsome, For Jessup, Where Ever I May Find Him (Cambridge, Mass.; Hawvawd Universal Press Syndicate, 1898).


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 24 Apr 06 - 11:51 AM

Snicker Snee!! Deftly turned, sirrah!! LOL! I will no more bite my thumb at thee.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 24 Apr 06 - 11:28 PM

You may not bite your thumb but Mom's gonna have to ride shank's mare if her thumb doesn't get her a lift back to the top pretty quick.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Rev. Jimmy Ray Humbrew
Date: 25 Apr 06 - 12:04 AM

Good evening, brethren and sistern! I have long prayed and thought of you all here and at last I have returned to see whether or not you have all turned your face from Mammon and to the Lord. I see that some have but others still are slaves to lust, to greed, to pride, to envy, to gluttony, spitting in the very face of he who died to free you from your sins! I ask you to give it up, to repent! I call upon you by name: Amos, Bee-Dubya-Ell, Rapaire, Stilly River Sage, Bunnaheinie, Little Hack, and all you sinners! Come to the water! Come and let your sins be washed away in the blood of the Good Shepherd, who knows his sheep and the goats and will cast the goats down into the everlasting fire, while he will gather the sheep to his bosom and bring them to eternal bliss! Do not be afraid, sisters; quail not, brothers, for if you are saved by the spirit and the water you will rise again when The Trumpet sounds and dead arise from their imprisoning tombs, clothed in shining glory, ascending on high. But do fear what will happen if you are not among the elect, for you will be cast down into the Eternal Fire, the Flames That Cannot Be Quenched, to spend Eternity with the lustful, the drunkards, the card players, among those who so perverted the music of the Lord into such abominations as hip-hop, reggae, jazz, blues, rap, heavy metal, and the dances of joy the angels perform before the eyes of the Almighty into the lustful contortionings of the lambda, the mambo, the waltz, the tango, the dirty dog, the watusi!

The water and forgiveness await. Only take one tiny step on the path of righteousness. One tiny step....


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 25 Apr 06 - 04:12 AM

Dear Reverend Humbucker...

I'd like to, honst Injun. You make it all sound so exciting.

But I once took an oath not to do anything I wouldn't want Mom to see me doing, and thus I must decline.

Besides, I can't get my shoes wet.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 25 Apr 06 - 09:27 AM

Ain't no goats gonna be cast into hell-fire! I *KNOW* for a fact that that the Creator wouldn't waste the effort of creating Angora, karakul and suchlike only to cast them into the flames.

Possibly avacados. they were a mistake anyway, the pit wasn't suppossed to be that big. Avacados he might cast down. Seperating the sheep from the avacados, yessir; that's what's gonna happen.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 25 Apr 06 - 09:41 AM

I didn't think sheep even liked avocadoes. So it doesn't sound like seprating them is a task worthy of Almighty intervention. Probably he will delegate it to a bunch of seraphim or werafim, or neraphim...whatever those guys are called.

I don't remember the names of all the Mouseketeers or the Ninja Turtles, either....).


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 25 Apr 06 - 10:24 AM

Avocados are the answer to a high fat diet that is good to you! How could you cast them anywhere except into an exquisite bowl of guacamole (with garlic and onion and a little dollop of picante sauce and some lemon juice to keep it from turning brown and a little salt). Spoon it over tacos or nachos, or eat it plain with chips (be sure they're crisp!)

BTW: Google tells me I've been misspelling it. I typically use "avacado" and got 978,000 hits, but "avocado" gets several million hits.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 25 Apr 06 - 10:30 AM

oaky - we can't have the seperation of the sheep and the avocados, wouldn't want to make people unjhealthy by depriving them of proper guacamole...

How about the seperation of the sheep and the Durians? I don't think there will be many who will complain if the durians are cast down into the flames.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 25 Apr 06 - 12:17 PM

This is a trick question anyway. Why would you let someone who suggests they have the keys to the kingdom bother you? He's talking through his had. Leave the sheep and the avocados be. (Besides, I've never tried a durian, so who knows where it should reside).


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 25 Apr 06 - 01:32 PM

The post I posted vanished! It was witty, talked about avocados, sheep, and the Rev. J. Honeybucket, it was intelligent, it was the best post ever posted anywhere and it VANISHED!!! Gone!! Poof!! Not there!!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 25 Apr 06 - 01:50 PM

Rapaire - obviously one of the following conditions apply to your missing post:

a) you hit the wrong button when you went to submit it.

b) A glitch swallowed it somewhere during transmission

c) Gluon stole it

d) an anonymous fellow poster, swollen with power and rendered meglomaniacal by the possession of an edit button, used their personal judgement and deleted your post in a fit of judgemental ire, in a clear and dicriminatory personal attack on you, thus encouraging other MOABites to treat you in a similar manner.

e) The Idaho Legion requested removal of your post claiming it was too representational of several of their memebers.

f) The attorney representing the NYCFTTS requested removal of your post, claiming that parts of it breached patient/doctor confidentiality and that any portion of it might prevent your timely treeatment.


g) one of them thar "clones" hit the wrong button and "oops-ed" it.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 25 Apr 06 - 01:52 PM

I even quoted Mark Twain!!!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 25 Apr 06 - 02:19 PM

Well, I ain't gort no eejit button, MM. So 'twarn't me, what et Rapaires' poste.

I kinda lak the Gluuon theery mahself.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 25 Apr 06 - 02:26 PM

A-HA!



Why didn't you mention it before?

Obviously the heirs of Mark Twain, working through their connection with the Disney Corp. and Shrub, used the powers of the Illuminati to scrub your post, due to the violation of copyright and obvious plageristic tendency of the writing.

Or Gluon ate it.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 25 Apr 06 - 04:34 PM

I kinda think it was Gluon. For one thing, there's a pile of partly digested words all over the carpet and Gluon-sized tracks going and coming to it.

I do so hope that it is not a commentary on what was a wonderful post.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 25 Apr 06 - 05:58 PM

As I rambled out on the posts of the MOAB,
As I rambled 'round in the MOAB one day,
I spied a curmedgeon a-shovelin' some BS
Shovelin' stuff that used to be hay.

Chorus:

"Oh, shovel it slowly and shovel it lowly,
Play the "Stable Call" you shuffle along,
It'll make your green valley and you flowers bloom gayily
For it's all fertilizer and you can't go wrong."

"I see by your outfit that you hang around MOAB"
These words he did say as I strode by forlorn,
"Come sit down beside me and hear my sad story,
I've been shovelin' this stuff since the day I was born."

"My friends and relations, they live high in clover,
They know not where this old boy has gone,
I first came to Texas and hired on with a politician
Oh, I'm a curmudgeon and I know I've gone wrong."

"Go write a letter to my hoary-haired Mother,
And carry the same to Stilly so dear,
But not a word of this shall you mention
When a crowd gathers round you my story to hear."

"There is another dearer to me than my Mother,
Dearer to me than my cayuse so free,
There is another who's helped me to shovel,
And I mean, of course, the bold Rapaire."

"Go gather around you a crowd of politicians,
And tell them the story of this, my sad fate;
Tell one and the other before they go further
To stop shoveling their BS, tho' I fear it's too late."

"Oh muffle your drums, and play the pipes merrily
Play "Stable Call" as you go along
And fire your six-guns right into my coffin,
'Cuz given my background, you'll make sureI stay down."

"It was once in the Senate I used to go dashing
Once in the House I used to go gay,
First down to the dram-house and then to the girls' house
But I shoveled too much, and I'm dying today."

"Get six MOABites to carry my coffin,
Get six pretty maidens to carry my pall,
Put bunches of roses all over my coffin,
Roses to deaden the stench as it falls."

"Go bring me a cup, a cup of cold lager
To cool my parched lips," this shoveler said;
Before I had turned, the spirit had left him
And he'd gone to his Maker --- the shoveler was dead.

We beat the drum lowly and played the pipes gayily,
And cheered and huzzaed as we bore him along,
We all thought him a broke-dick mammaluca,,
And we thought it as well that now he was gone.

--DeLay Thomas, Shoveling Songs of Old Texas (Austin: Texas Department of State, 1853).


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Rev. Jimmy Ray Humbrew
Date: 25 Apr 06 - 10:51 PM

I would despair of saving you, Amos, except that my faith is in the Lord. You can be saved, you WILL be saved. I have saved hundreds, nay, thousands, many who were worse off than you. I remember one young woman who was steeped in sin, who not only fornicated but poisoned herself with vile liquor! Yes! And she smoked tobacco! And I preached the gospel to her, night after night, and finally she saw the Saving Light and accepted her savior! She has given over her sins; she no longer smokes or drinks, but she goes about doing good and I still counsel her every week after services. Amos, you too can be saved! Confess your sins, for YOU are a sinner and you cannot deny it! Set just one foot on the road to Salvation and you WILL be saved! You too will arise when the Rapture takes the Elect into the Bosom of the Lord! I implore you, do not pass this chance by! You could die in your sleep, sodden with your sins, and go spinning down into the Flames That Water Cannot Quench, the Eternal Flames that will consume you from the inside out! It will not cost you one thin dime, but the saving water is freely given! Afterwards you will WANT to give so that others can be saved as you were! Come Amos! Come Rapaire! Come Bunniehole! Come, Little Hak! Come, SRS! Come to the water that washes you clean, body and soul!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 25 Apr 06 - 11:20 PM

Come Bunniehole! Come, Little Hak!. . . one begins to see the light from behind the curtain. . .


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 26 Apr 06 - 12:15 AM

Who is he calling "Bunnie-hole"? And while I have occasionally called LH Leedle Hack, I have not misspelled it.   

Reverend, do me a favor. Save yourself while you still can.

I'll do the same.

OK?


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 26 Apr 06 - 09:21 AM

Rev -- I'm into dry cleaning, myself.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 26 Apr 06 - 09:58 AM

I'm a good ole MOAB sojer,
An' that is whut I am
And fer yer pink salvation,
I do not give a damn
I've written things on MOAB
It feels like twenny years
But I flung me lots of fine BS
While hanging on 'round hyere.

I do not care fer fly-by-nights
Or hollow power grabs.
I like a joke whut is a joke,
Like ya find here on MOAB
AN' not them pearly wonders
The collared kind let fall,
Which they assert all serious-like,
Thuh biggest joke of all.

With all respect I do not care
Fer threats of bein' damned.
The divil lays a hand on me
Will find out who I am,
And as fer yer ascensions,
I don't care to pass yore test.
So I think I'll stay on the MOAB
Where life still has some zest.

I can't take to the streets no more,
Like we did in '68.
But I ain't about to be yer sheep,
No, sheep will have to wait.
And I will not pray to anyone
To forgive for what I am.
And I don't want yer salvation, sir,
And I do not give a damn.


Rasty Rusty Raritan, the Rambling Rip-roarer
"Songs Full of Rs"
Wallaby Dammed Publishing
Incontinence, New South Wales, 1939


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bunnahabhain
Date: 26 Apr 06 - 06:25 PM

Oddly enough, I've just spent most of the day sealing up Bunnie-Holes, or at least holes big enough for bunnies round the base of a Poly-Tunnel. Rabbits and Radishes don't mix at all well...


Google has decided that the closest thing to MOAB it can sell us is Molly. Molly! Most sensible people would pay good money to avoid it, and certainly avoid the pubs with Molly dancers in, for no other reason than thay are about to run dry.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 26 Apr 06 - 06:29 PM

Molly? The bolt or my wife's car? If the latter she'll be very upset that someone else is selling it, mostly because she still has payments to make on it.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 26 Apr 06 - 07:05 PM

Molly is that faint voice that still echoes in the back of our minds every day singing and lilting Yes, yes I will, yes, yes.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 26 Apr 06 - 09:14 PM



Kathleen Antonelli, 85, computer pioneer
By Sally A. Downey
Inquirer Staff Writer

Kathleen McNulty Mauchly Antonelli, 85, of Ambler, one of the original
programmers of the first electronic computer, died of cancer Thursday at
Keystone Hospice in Wyndmoor....She was inducted into
the Women in Technology International Hall of Fame, and recognized for
her many contributions to the history of early digital computing in America.



Sic Transit Gloria Binarii

A


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