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BS: The Mother of all BS threads

Amos 08 Aug 07 - 12:55 PM
Little Hawk 08 Aug 07 - 12:55 PM
JennyO 08 Aug 07 - 01:06 PM
Amos 08 Aug 07 - 03:02 PM
Rapparee 08 Aug 07 - 03:05 PM
Amos 08 Aug 07 - 03:13 PM
MMario 08 Aug 07 - 03:20 PM
Rapparee 08 Aug 07 - 03:23 PM
Amos 08 Aug 07 - 03:37 PM
Amos 08 Aug 07 - 03:41 PM
Amos 08 Aug 07 - 03:50 PM
Rapparee 08 Aug 07 - 04:00 PM
Little Hawk 08 Aug 07 - 04:04 PM
MMario 08 Aug 07 - 04:06 PM
MMario 08 Aug 07 - 04:09 PM
Little Hawk 08 Aug 07 - 04:20 PM
Little Hawk 08 Aug 07 - 04:20 PM
Acme 08 Aug 07 - 04:32 PM
Little Hawk 08 Aug 07 - 04:34 PM
Rapparee 08 Aug 07 - 06:11 PM
Little Hawk 08 Aug 07 - 06:15 PM
Amos 08 Aug 07 - 06:15 PM
JennyO 08 Aug 07 - 11:45 PM
JennyO 08 Aug 07 - 11:48 PM
Amos 09 Aug 07 - 12:32 AM
Acme 09 Aug 07 - 01:18 AM
Little Hawk 09 Aug 07 - 01:25 AM
Amos 09 Aug 07 - 02:00 AM
JennyO 09 Aug 07 - 06:03 AM
Little Hawk 09 Aug 07 - 07:13 AM
JennyO 09 Aug 07 - 08:58 AM
Rapparee 09 Aug 07 - 09:09 AM
Amos 09 Aug 07 - 09:42 AM
Acme 09 Aug 07 - 10:53 AM
Rapparee 09 Aug 07 - 01:12 PM
Little Hawk 09 Aug 07 - 01:47 PM
Amos 09 Aug 07 - 01:55 PM
Little Hawk 09 Aug 07 - 02:01 PM
Acme 09 Aug 07 - 02:13 PM
Amos 09 Aug 07 - 03:47 PM
Amos 09 Aug 07 - 06:17 PM
Little Hawk 09 Aug 07 - 06:27 PM
Rapparee 09 Aug 07 - 06:44 PM
Amos 09 Aug 07 - 07:05 PM
Little Hawk 09 Aug 07 - 10:15 PM
JennyO 09 Aug 07 - 11:17 PM
Little Hawk 09 Aug 07 - 11:21 PM
JennyO 09 Aug 07 - 11:25 PM
Amos 09 Aug 07 - 11:26 PM
JennyO 09 Aug 07 - 11:29 PM
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 08 Aug 07 - 12:55 PM

Well, Jenny, bring her back home. All this flitting about is making me dizzy!!


As to biscuits, American style, they are just baked in the oven, a mix of water and flour or milk and flour and some baking powder, white fluffy inside and tan crispy outside, perfect for butter and honey, or PB, when hot.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 08 Aug 07 - 12:55 PM

You know, it's not that it's hard to find a needle in a haystack. They're really quite common. What is hard is to find a specific needle in a haystack. That's very hard.

You have to wonder also...what would be the gain in doing so?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: JennyO
Date: 08 Aug 07 - 01:06 PM

Sounds like sorta savoury scones to me, Amos. They'd be nice. I don't think we have them.

Okay, better get MOM and bring her back. I'm going outside and I may be some time.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 08 Aug 07 - 03:02 PM

Here are some buttered hot biscuits for ya.

Be quick.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 08 Aug 07 - 03:05 PM

It's even harder to find some hay in a needlestack. You keep getting stuck and the blood loss really weakens you.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 08 Aug 07 - 03:13 PM

a needle in a haystack. They're really quite common

Spoken like a completely deluded city-slicker, if I may be so harsh. Anyone who has worked actual haystacks knows that needles appear in them next to never.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 08 Aug 07 - 03:20 PM

if you've worked in a haystack though you know it can feel like they are FULL of needles!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 08 Aug 07 - 03:23 PM

Spoken like a completely deluded city-slicker, if I may be so harsh. Anyone who has worked actual haystacks knows that needles appear in them next to never.

Spoken like a completely slickered self-deluder, if I may be so gentle. Anyone who has REALLY worked with REAL haystacks knows that such things often appear, as do shotguns when her father catches you and her searching for them.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 08 Aug 07 - 03:37 PM

No, sir, you may not. You are merely contributing to M. Hack's illness, an unkind gesture. How can you expect him to heal if you keep throwing these fantasies about?

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 08 Aug 07 - 03:41 PM

Here, Little Hawk, are some much healthier thoughts to help you in your recovery:

On the other hand, you have different fingers.

42.76 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot.

99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.

You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say will be misquoted.

Honk if you love peace and quiet.

Despite the cost of living, have you noticed how popular it remains?

Nothing is foolproof to a fool who has real talent.

Remember half the people you know are below average.

He who laughs last thinks slowest.

Borrow money from a pessimist - they don't expect it back.

The only substitute for good manners is fast reflexes.

When everything's coming your way, you're going the wrong way on a one-way street

If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.

A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.

Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.

For every action there is an equal and opposite criticism.

Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks.

Never do card tricks for the group you play poker with.

No one pays attention until you make a mistake.

Success occurs in private and failure in full view.

The harder the butter the softer the bread.

The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the ability to reach it.

To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.

You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.

Two wrongs are only the beginning.

The sooner you fall behind the more time you have to catch up.

A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.

Change is inevitable except from vending machines.

Plan to be spontaneous!

Always be modest and proud that you are!

If you think nobody cares, try missing a couple of payments.

How many in this room believe in telekinesis? Raise my hand...

If at first you don't succeed, skydiving isn't for you.




Ponder them well. There will be a quiz.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 08 Aug 07 - 03:50 PM

And in case you are doing market research for yourself or for Rapaire, here is a technical white paper on the efficacy of various kinds of tin-foil hats.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 08 Aug 07 - 04:00 PM

Amos, you know I love you like a brother, but you're wrong right off the bat:

On the other hand, you have the same fingers, only backwards.

Please don't cry. Being wrong is NOT the end of the world. I know; I was nearly wrong once. Buck up, take it like a man would -- pretend you're John Wayne and the bad guys have mortally wounded you and the stagecoach full of women and children and the money for the orphanage can only get away if you hold off the bad guys for just a bit longer, so put a bullet (no, the OTHER END!) between your teeth and bite down to dull the pain and be the hero Mom knows you are, even though you'll be dead.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 08 Aug 07 - 04:04 PM

Har! Har! WONDERFUL list, Amos!!! It should be required reading for all schoolchildren in order to prepare them for what lies ahead in life.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 08 Aug 07 - 04:06 PM

John Wayne rode a bat? I don't recall that. I remember him riding a horse, and a mule, and even a wagon, but a bat?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 08 Aug 07 - 04:09 PM

For Schoolchildren add:

NEVER trust someone who says "Trust Me!"

Never Say Never.

Absolutes are rarely absolutely the truth.

Don't Eat yellow snow.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 08 Aug 07 - 04:20 PM

Don't pee into the wind.

Don't stick your finger in the chipmunk's hole.

NEVER admit to adultery, even if caught in the act. Make up an excuse. Any excuse. Remember Bill Clinton when you do this, speak with absolute sincerity, and say, "I am not here, and this is not what it appears to be at all."


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 08 Aug 07 - 04:20 PM

Oh, and don't knock on the wasps' nest to see if they're home.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 08 Aug 07 - 04:32 PM

It's too hot out for all of this bickering and my virtual butt is sore from all of that time on the horse. Why don't you guys go down to the bottom of my back yard and swim in the creek? And bring back some good sea urchin fossils when you're cooled off. (Am I the only MOABite who has such a large water feature? I scoff at these little recirculating fountains--I just hack and slash through the brush every so often so we can see the creek from the back gate, which is not the back of the property but is above the flood zone.)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 08 Aug 07 - 04:34 PM

I am already cooled off. I have already had the grace to compliment Amos on his brilliantly funny list.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 08 Aug 07 - 06:11 PM

And I also, or, in French, "moi aussie."

On a related note, why is it?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 08 Aug 07 - 06:15 PM

Why is what?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 08 Aug 07 - 06:15 PM

Because the French were brilliant enough to know that you would be saying it, and made it applicable to one who stands upside down? I dunno. The whys behind language are very deep whys indeed, such deep whys as to baffle all but the most wise, and provide in no wise any real whys to the unwise, or even the undeep.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: JennyO
Date: 08 Aug 07 - 11:45 PM

There is a sudden commotion at the door, and JennyO rides in on a rather wild and shaggy-looking horse, with MOM tucked on her lap. Come to think of it, they are ALL looking rather wild and shaggy.

I have returned. It was hell in there! Have you any idea how cold it gets at night in Alice Springs? But all is well. I think MOM needs to lie down again after all this.

What's all this mess? Biscuit crumbs, spilt tea and pieces of LH still lying around? Pull yourself together man!

Wait - biscuit crumbs - I hope there are some of those biscuits left for me. I could do with some refreshment after that long ride. Ah, just as I thought - they do look like scones, or damper. They've gone cold though. A gentle heating and some butter will do me fine. And another good strong cup of tea! Think I'll sit down now. Ooh, me bum's sore!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: JennyO
Date: 08 Aug 07 - 11:48 PM

Johnny cakes! That's what they are! But they are a bush thing, like damper. People don't normally cook them in their kitchen here.

FOUR LITTLE JOHNNY CAKES

Hurrah for the Lachlan, boys, and join me in a cheer
That's the place to go to make an easy cheque each year
With a toad-skin in my pocket I borrowed from a friend
Oh, isn't it nice and cosy to be camping in the bend?

cho: With my little round flour-bag sitting on a stump
My little tea-and-sugar bag looking nice and plump
A little fat cod-fish just off the hook
And four little johnny-cakes, a credit to the cook

I've a loaf or two of bread and some "murphies" that I shook
Perhaps a loaf of brownie that I snaffled from a cook
A nice leg of mutton ... just a bit cut off the end
Oh, isn't it nice and jolly to be whaling in the bend?

I have a little book and some papers for to read
Plenty of matches and a good supply of weed
I wouldn't be a squatter as beside my fire I sit
With a paper in my hand and my old clay lit

When shearing-time comes, I'm in all my glory then
I saddle up my moke and I soon secure a pen
I canter through the valley and gallop o'er the plain
I shoot a turkey, stick a pig, and off to camp again

Last Chorus
With my little round flour-bag sitting on a stump
My little tea-and-sugar bag looking nice and plump
A little fat cod-fish just off the hook
And four little johnny-cakes, I'm proud to be the cook!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 09 Aug 07 - 12:32 AM

Virtual Mom-napping will do that to ya. Glad you-all are back okay.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 09 Aug 07 - 01:18 AM

Anyone want to bet that Rap will try to top this adventure? It would be just like him. I won't believe it, but he'll try anyway. :)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 09 Aug 07 - 01:25 AM

Mdiahd, id shdi bncuheh thworp. Cko snet le?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 09 Aug 07 - 02:00 AM

Add one to he meds tonight, Still.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: JennyO
Date: 09 Aug 07 - 06:03 AM

I think Hawk's pulled himself together wrong. Try again man.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 09 Aug 07 - 07:13 AM

Gyhe?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: JennyO
Date: 09 Aug 07 - 08:58 AM

Oh dear. This is serious. Keep trying.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 09 Aug 07 - 09:09 AM

Wait until Mom wakes up and she'll smack him back into sense. Especially if he continues to play the timpani while she has that "headache."

Oddly enough, I've heard nothing from the Legion for the past few days.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 09 Aug 07 - 09:42 AM

Well, see, Little Hawk asked them to go to the Field of Honor in his stead, as he was not up to the quarrel he began, and thought he could duck it by dispatching, um, overhelming force. But them guys never stop and ask for directions, and none of them seemed to have any familiarity with such a place. So they're probably out in the boonies looking for it.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 09 Aug 07 - 10:53 AM

This is the first I heard of the Legion taking a part in that. I think this is part of Rapaire's tall tale, spinning out slow. The legion is actually still back in town, hunkered in the shade of the railroad bridge and heading over regularly to check out the loading dock behind the local beer warehouse, hoping they don't count kegs too close.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 09 Aug 07 - 01:12 PM

Why would they do that? There is a railroad siding full of tanker cars full of beer leading up to the Legion Hovel. Each car is fitted with external taps when it enters the refridgerated holding area for those who wish to drink Al Fresco (a local brew made in Humphrey, Idaho, which tastes like ammoniated horse urine but is to some people's poor taste).

In fact, you're not permitted to drink Al Fresco inside the Hovel as the fumes drive everyone out and the place in uninhabitable for days -- which speaks volumes for the stink of that beer.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 09 Aug 07 - 01:47 PM

Ghei nw riekly endie! Ho mshiie bwgi o hpye nw bgems beg gkk whing. Ebwd bee ho,e hi higbe be???


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 09 Aug 07 - 01:55 PM

I think he is asking "What IS a field of honor, anyway?". Good sign--he's beginning to relate in a rudimentary way. Just nod and smile.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 09 Aug 07 - 02:01 PM

F
       G
       R
    ADDDD
    DDDDDDD
    DDDDDD
      DDD
      DDD

                            !!!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 09 Aug 07 - 02:13 PM

It might be easier if he just wrote in invisible ink instead of anagrams or whatever code he has worked out. It's too hot to do anything more than just mouse-over the screen to see if there's anything hidden that speaks volumes.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 09 Aug 07 - 03:47 PM

I think it is a form of acute autism, a temporary retreat from reality by coupling one's awareness to symbols and tokens rather than real things, which still seem too frightening. If healing continues, this will pass, and he will gradually begin posting in a "real" language. Whether he will ever post thoughts about anything "real" remains to be seen.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 09 Aug 07 - 06:17 PM

What's the Secret Code, Little Hawk?


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 09 Aug 07 - 06:27 PM

Don't play innocent, you scoundrel! You have conspired with someone in the infamous "inner clique" of Mudcat to screw up my postings on this thread. You don't fool me. You're trying to shut me out of the MOAB. Some perfidious Joe Clone who is probably also a "frequent poster" on the MAOB has followed your instructions and put in a software routine that scrambles my transmissions to this thread alone. Outrageous!

If this one doesn't get through unscrambled, then I'll be 110% sure of what's going on. Ha! You'll pay for this, you Quisling!

If it does get through unscrambled, I will know that you had it done just to keep me guessing. That's how devious and sick you are.

But I'm not going to just shamble off into the sunset. Oh no, baby! I'll be back! I'll be back! You'll see. Revenge will be mine.

(cackling madly while pounding on the keyboard...)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 09 Aug 07 - 06:44 PM

ajdkA rit edih la? lasti wera, Hutxb.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 09 Aug 07 - 07:05 PM

Wow. I am just completely, like, ya know, non-plussed, like. Synthetic syntheses of artificial paranoia about imaginary identities. Where's the beef, Little Hawk?



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 09 Aug 07 - 10:15 PM

Awww, shit.

I hate to say this, but it wasn't Amos that did it. It was that idiot Chongo. He's been monkeying around with the equipment here, and he knows more about it than I would have suspected. He must've been moonlighting at computer school or reading "The Apes Guide to Digital Electronics and Hot Babes" or something like that.

(He's been trying to build a radio control thing that causes women to get...umm... well...really 'excited' from a distance of, oh, thirty feet or so...but "It still ain't workin' right" he tells me..."It seems to work great on squirrels, they go ecstatic and fall outa the tree...but it don't work on women. I musta put in a bad capacitor or else I got it tuned to the wrong frequency.")

Anyway, he somehow managed to patch in a remote thingie here that was rerouting all the signals from my keyboard in a totally random fashion. He finally blew his cover when he read my last post. He burst out lauching so hard that he fell off his chair and started rolling around on the floor. Every time I caught his eye he laughed harder. I thought maybe he was gonna die, but no such luck.

When he could finally talk again, he confessed to the whole thing and then went into another laughing fit. The little bastard!

I will not be sorry when he decides to go back to the Windy City, believe me. I have had just about enough.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: JennyO
Date: 09 Aug 07 - 11:17 PM

So what's Chongo been up to with the equipment? We seem to have Rapaire speaking in tongues now.

Will it never end????


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 09 Aug 07 - 11:21 PM

Not if it's anything like this thread, it won't.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: JennyO
Date: 09 Aug 07 - 11:25 PM

I was expecting an answer like that ;-)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 09 Aug 07 - 11:26 PM

Aberrations, neuroses, p[psychotic episodes, obsessions, and hallucinatory rationalizations come and go. But Mom is forever.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: JennyO
Date: 09 Aug 07 - 11:29 PM

Speaking of whom - MOM is awake and looking well-rested after her holiday in Australia. She needed a good clean up though. Bits of hay everywhere!


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