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BS: The Mother of all BS threads

Janie 23 Nov 07 - 04:12 PM
Rapparee 23 Nov 07 - 09:38 PM
Little Hawk 23 Nov 07 - 11:09 PM
Acme 23 Nov 07 - 11:38 PM
Janie 24 Nov 07 - 12:40 AM
Janie 24 Nov 07 - 01:53 AM
GUEST,Amos 24 Nov 07 - 10:10 AM
Rapparee 24 Nov 07 - 09:24 PM
Acme 24 Nov 07 - 10:59 PM
Janie 24 Nov 07 - 11:43 PM
Rapparee 25 Nov 07 - 12:52 PM
Acme 25 Nov 07 - 01:18 PM
Rapparee 25 Nov 07 - 02:36 PM
GUEST,Loooooooooooooooong John Sliver 25 Nov 07 - 03:58 PM
Rapparee 25 Nov 07 - 04:04 PM
Amos 25 Nov 07 - 06:00 PM
Rapparee 25 Nov 07 - 06:35 PM
Amos 25 Nov 07 - 10:33 PM
Amos 25 Nov 07 - 10:36 PM
Janie 25 Nov 07 - 11:10 PM
Acme 26 Nov 07 - 12:08 AM
Amos 26 Nov 07 - 12:27 AM
Rapparee 26 Nov 07 - 08:40 AM
MMario 26 Nov 07 - 08:52 AM
Rapparee 26 Nov 07 - 09:05 AM
Amos 26 Nov 07 - 09:39 AM
MMario 26 Nov 07 - 09:45 AM
Amos 26 Nov 07 - 10:28 AM
Amos 26 Nov 07 - 10:47 AM
Rapparee 26 Nov 07 - 11:43 AM
Rapparee 26 Nov 07 - 11:52 AM
Donuel 26 Nov 07 - 12:22 PM
Amos 26 Nov 07 - 12:28 PM
Acme 26 Nov 07 - 01:21 PM
Rapparee 26 Nov 07 - 01:38 PM
Amos 26 Nov 07 - 02:27 PM
Rapparee 26 Nov 07 - 03:35 PM
Rapparee 26 Nov 07 - 03:55 PM
Acme 26 Nov 07 - 04:42 PM
Acme 26 Nov 07 - 04:47 PM
Janie 26 Nov 07 - 05:33 PM
Amos 26 Nov 07 - 05:38 PM
Amos 26 Nov 07 - 05:39 PM
Rapparee 26 Nov 07 - 07:01 PM
Acme 26 Nov 07 - 10:59 PM
Amos 27 Nov 07 - 12:40 AM
Rapparee 27 Nov 07 - 09:17 AM
Amos 27 Nov 07 - 09:35 AM
Rapparee 27 Nov 07 - 09:45 AM
MMario 27 Nov 07 - 09:51 AM
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Janie
Date: 23 Nov 07 - 04:12 PM

Today is our feast day. Mom is the chef and I am the cook - in theory. I keep having to jab her with my elbow to get her out from in front of the sink:>) She is also forever convinced that no one who is left handed can safely wield a kitchen knife and I am bound to lose some fingertips. This in spite of the fact that we southpaws are especially blessed because of our purity. It a well known fact, after all, that everyone is born left-handed, and God doesn't make you right-handed until after you commit your first sin.

The last of the tribe should arrive in about an hour. Then there will be two turkeys downstairs watching football, and one in the oven.

If our full tummies leave room for the lungs to expand with air, Annie will bring out the guitar after the dishes are away, and we'll get in a little pickin' & grinnin'.

LIfe is good.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 23 Nov 07 - 09:38 PM

Dear Mom,

This will be the last time you hear from me.

Until tomorrow afternoon sometime, that is. When I'm back home in my own little beddy-bye, warm and snuggly under the quilt.

Please don't let Amos have any more turkey. He's already sprouting wattles and a big old feather fan for a tail. I think it comes from gobbling.

And Stilly should be made to wash all the dishes.

I've done my part, completely and fully.

I've added class to the joint just by existing.

So I remain,

Your most humble, yet most favored, progeny,
Rapaire.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 23 Nov 07 - 11:09 PM

I went out and saw a folk concert instead. Quite good. It was a Canadian duo who do a bunch of sort of medieval Celtic theme songs. A lovely evening indeed.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 23 Nov 07 - 11:38 PM

MOM, make Rap get out of his coach couch and wash some dishes.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Janie
Date: 24 Nov 07 - 12:40 AM

No Mom, I am not quilty of short-sheeting Rapaire's bed under his snug quilty. It were Stilly. However, she were provoked.

And anyway, it was Little Hawk who gave her the idea.

Remember, I am the good child.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Janie
Date: 24 Nov 07 - 01:53 AM

And Mom, today is my birthday. Please send me a nice check.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Amos
Date: 24 Nov 07 - 10:10 AM

Here's a nice check, and happiest of Birthdays to you: check Rapaire's meds, would you?

Mudlark fed us more turkey and delicious walnut stuffing and we sat and sang all evening. Damn that girl has a voice on her!! She is a wonderful wily and flexible musician, too -- she did torch songs on the mountain dulcimer, most beguiling.

Never mind about Rapaire, Mom. I stayed up and washed all the dishes my own self, because you worked so hard. It wasn't hard, and he coulda helped but he was knocked out on the couch, snoring, with a belly full of turkey and Four Roses.

The why he was on the couch is someone had done the most ingenious job of short-sheeting his bed, although I have no idea who, Mighta been Pat, I guess. When she gets back from D.C. you can ask her...

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 24 Nov 07 - 09:24 PM

Mama, je suis retourne.

Mama, je suis ici.

Mama, Amos dit que j'ai une tete de merde. Groundez-il! SVP, por favor.

And in the spirit of the holiday season, I bought a 48" pre-lit wreath to hang on the front of the house. Among other things.

I also went out and ordered four (4) 15" digital picture frams for the Library. I'm going to use them for signage -- create the sign in Photoshop Elements or something like that as a jpeg, save it to an SD or similar card, and voila!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 24 Nov 07 - 10:59 PM

Those have to be cheaper than the plasma screens we bought to use for digital signage a few years ago. Good idea!

Janie, hippo birdie to you, and all that!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Janie
Date: 24 Nov 07 - 11:43 PM

I got MOM's check today via FedEx.

Mom is also left-handed. I can tell because of the appearance of her check. It looked like this .
                              .
                               .
                               .    .
                                 . .
                                  .


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 25 Nov 07 - 12:52 PM

$1129 (US), I think the four of them were. I'll buy more if these work out. They're the largest frames currently available; I like Pandigital's restrained, and interchangable, frames too.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 25 Nov 07 - 01:18 PM

I think the monitors we put up were over $3000 each four or five years ago. People didn't walk in and look at them for informtion, they would walk in and ask "how much did you spend for those things?" Now nobody notices the technology, and they're on the small side compared to what one can get. But they're still going strong.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 25 Nov 07 - 02:36 PM

Our Friends group bought us a largish LCD monitor last year. We put it on an old Dell computer and it runs Powerpoint programs about what's happening at the Library, stuff about area history, etc.

A copy of some of the history ppt's were requested by the Shoshone-Bannock Nations, by the local Japanese-American community, and the local Railroad Museum.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Loooooooooooooooong John Sliver
Date: 25 Nov 07 - 03:58 PM

Avast, mateys! This old thread's still afloat, is she? Well, Looooooooooong John would tell ye a tale or two if ye'd pass over the rum.

Aaargh, there's nothing like rum to keep a man afloat, nothing like it. Why, I remember one time we was fighting our way around the Cape, through the Straits of Magellan (and a good man he was, too!), past the Faralones, through the Strait of Juan de Fuca (the landlubbin' swab!), and fighting cyclones and hurricanes and typhoons all the way, too.

It was off Kiska, I remember, that I was swept overboard by a wave that shivered our mainstuns'l. Washed me right out of the crow's nest, it did, and into the mouth of a giant eel.

Aargh, but it was a cold way to go.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 25 Nov 07 - 04:04 PM

Jaysus....


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 25 Nov 07 - 06:00 PM

Wal, you know what they say, John -- when a man's gotta go, he's gotta go...eel or no eel.


I am home nopw, Mom. I spent a delightful weekend at Mudlark's quiet ranchito out under the moon near Paso Robles on the Central Coast. Beautiful country.

I am glad to be home, but I had a wonnerful time.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 25 Nov 07 - 06:35 PM

How're you doing with them fires, Amos?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 25 Nov 07 - 10:33 PM

They were put out a couple of weeks back, as I recall.

Are you still carrying them around? Or are you having to watch reruns on the news bwcause of the writer's strikes?


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 25 Nov 07 - 10:36 PM

Oh!! I'm sorry. You meant Malibu.

Malibu is about ninety miles away from here. So no worries.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Janie
Date: 25 Nov 07 - 11:10 PM

MOM, urgent question. Is it true that boys should be chloroformed somewhere between age 12 and 14, then kept under glass until they are at least 27?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 26 Nov 07 - 12:08 AM

No. My mother subscribed to the idea that they should be stuffed in baskets that hang on the wall, and let out at age 21.

Funny that these ideas should have come from two mental health professionals, isn't it?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 26 Nov 07 - 12:27 AM

As the old blues says:

There just ain't no....
Ain't noooo understandin'
That ole testosterone
.

Course, how I know is (1) I been there and (2) I wrote them blues.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 26 Nov 07 - 08:40 AM

I subscribe to the theory that ALL children should be nailed into barrels when they turn 12 years old and fed through the bunghole. At 18 you can decide whether or not to drive in the bung.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 26 Nov 07 - 08:52 AM

Hi MOM! 1842 is lovely as usual - I got to meet Charles Dickens! And President Polk. Mr. Mayor Millard Fillmore was sick most of the weekend - but Mrs. Fillmore kept everyone hopping with caroling and stuff to impress the President. (She's asked Father Christmas for a white house for Christmas - I guess Millard is going to have to buy some paint - 'cause their house is beige....)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 26 Nov 07 - 09:05 AM

Millard Fillmore -- in your heart you know he's right.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 26 Nov 07 - 09:39 AM

Millard -- in your heart you wonder on the other hand.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 26 Nov 07 - 09:45 AM

Abagail has him pretty firmly in hand.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 26 Nov 07 - 10:28 AM

Not too firmly, I would hope; I get sympathetic flinching just thinking about it.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 26 Nov 07 - 10:47 AM

I hope Rapaire's aim is better than his French, that's all I can say. C'est pas sa tête qui est plein de merde, mais peut-etre son âme.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 26 Nov 07 - 11:43 AM

You badmouthin' my aim? I always put the seat up!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 26 Nov 07 - 11:52 AM

Besides, I don't have all them fancy-schmancy carets and accent marks and umlouts and stuff. Out here in Idaho we don't hold with all that. Good plain letters was good enough fer our forefathers and by God! they're good enough for us!

(Survivor: Idaho (TV show proposal): Driving a pink cadillac with California licenses plates on it and a bumper sticker that reads "I'm gay and I'm hear to take away your guns.")


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Donuel
Date: 26 Nov 07 - 12:22 PM

better yet:

gay muslim for choice.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 26 Nov 07 - 12:28 PM

Hear? Hear?

And that was a circonflex, mon vieux. If you can't take the accent, stay away from the language.

Anyway, I am glad to hear you have learned to raise the seat. That's progress. I recall back in your Legionairre days, the only time you raised the seat was to pray.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 26 Nov 07 - 01:21 PM

Did we answer your question, Janie?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 26 Nov 07 - 01:38 PM

My, my. I note that I misspelled "umlaut" and used the wrong "here" in my last post.

Well, us folks out here in Idaho STILL don't need no fancy ~ or ^ or anything like that! If it was good enough for the Declaration of Independence it's good enough for us!

And we agree with Ben Franklin, too! Let's make German our national language!

(We could make the turkey our national bird, too, only we already have enough of those in the White House and the Congress.)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 26 Nov 07 - 02:27 PM

'S alright; I though you were being an umlout, and took the error as a confession.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 26 Nov 07 - 03:35 PM

Reminds me.

Salmon River Sally was in town last night. Naturally, she dropped up to the Legion Hovel, her bein' a Legionette and all.

Being a Legionette is no different at all from being a Legionaire. It just depends upon which box you check on the application and/or annual renewal form. Some folks check 'em both and pay double dues. Some folks don't check either one and pay triple dues. The first is the penalty for being a wise ass and the other is the penalty for being able to make a decision. Of course, dues are twenty-five cents per year (or one hundred hours of community service if you don't have any money).

Anyway, Sally was looking for Pibsco. Seems like he took off from home about a week back and hasn't been seen since. Or heard. Or, as is usual, smelled. And Sal was packing a sawed-off ten gauge. They'd apparently had some marital difficulty or other.

Pibsco hadn't been around the Hovel; probably figured that was the second place Sally would look with the first being the outhouse. Ol' Pibsco spends lots of time in there, mostly because it masks his own odor. In fact, an old outhouse smells downright refreshing after Pibsco.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 26 Nov 07 - 03:55 PM

...the other is the penalty for being able to make a decision.

Should oughta be a "not" in there somewhere.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 26 Nov 07 - 04:42 PM

If one looks at modern politics, the evidence is unmistakable that one can be penalized for making a decision as easily as if one can't make a decision.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 26 Nov 07 - 04:47 PM

MOM, none of the boys has turned up to visit my other little thread about a contest in the UK. Here's a YouTube link, and if you poke around on the side you'll see the second performance and the final competition. There is also a video with the announcement.

MOM likes stories with happy endings.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Janie
Date: 26 Nov 07 - 05:33 PM

Maggie,

I think either method would work, but the age may need extended to 60 or so;^)

I wish you guys would limit your use of foreign languages here to those I can read and understand.

Let's see, that pretty much limits you to pig latin.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 26 Nov 07 - 05:38 PM

I didn't see your thread, Still -- even though I usually hunt down every semicolon you post like a ravenous lynx -- but I saw Paul's performance on You Tube a few weeks back and it slayed me.

What an evening for him!


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 26 Nov 07 - 05:39 PM

Oh, Anie-Jay!! You say the eetestsway ingsthay!!

Mosaway


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 26 Nov 07 - 07:01 PM

Ha, Umusfay, racoday agusmay
Coluitinay aremay.
Usitlay utumnalalay'licilay
Aritimomay Analohay.


Hooha!! The chorus to "Puff the Magic Dragon" in Latin as pig latin!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 26 Nov 07 - 10:59 PM

Mom, you're slipping. Probably that silly pig-latin stuff. It's one thing to say it, but another entirely to try to read it.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 27 Nov 07 - 12:40 AM

Rergapergaire ergis erga bergig ergostergentergatiergous shergow-ergoff, Mergom.

Mergake hergim stergop!

Sergo thergere!


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 27 Nov 07 - 09:17 AM

I think it's quite an accomplisment to post Latin in pig latin, especially since it never before occurred to me to do so.

This opens up whole new worlds of obnoxiousness...Icelandic in pig latin, for instance:

Mosaay er éttlįturray brżšisamurafay.

Or maybe Finnish:

Mosaay on ohtuullinenkay rkaay.

Or Klingon. Or Dutch. Or Polynesian. Or Obscene. Or Profane. Or....

Sorry, Mom. I got carried away with the moment.

By the way, Salmon River Sally found Pibsco last night. At Dirty Dani's Devilish Den. You can now use his hide as a sieve, if for some reason you wanted to do so.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 27 Nov 07 - 09:35 AM

YEs, Rapaire, even I, your loyal combatant, must admit that, within its scale and range, this is a brilliant innovation on your part.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 27 Nov 07 - 09:45 AM

Don't worry, Amos. You still have worth and are a good human being. Mom still loves you, even though you can't think of everything. And Stilly and MMario and everyone, even me, will take good care of you. Now here's your Teddy Bear and Mom will be here in just a moment to tuck you in. So dry those tears and I'll read you this nice story about a man who was a big hero and killed a monster!

    Węthay! Eway Ardenagay       in eardagumgay,
    eodcyningažay,         rymžay efrunongay,
    uhay ažay želingasęay       ellenay remedonfay....


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 27 Nov 07 - 09:51 AM

Good thing Pratchett's Librarian doesn't speak Pig Latin....

everything he would say would turn out as ook-ay


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