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BS: The Mother of all BS threads

Rapparee 22 Feb 08 - 06:56 PM
Janie 22 Feb 08 - 07:16 PM
Amos 23 Feb 08 - 12:20 AM
Acme 23 Feb 08 - 01:29 AM
Amos 23 Feb 08 - 08:50 AM
Rapparee 23 Feb 08 - 09:27 AM
Amos 23 Feb 08 - 11:16 AM
Acme 23 Feb 08 - 11:22 AM
Little Hawk 23 Feb 08 - 11:57 AM
Rapparee 23 Feb 08 - 12:36 PM
Amos 23 Feb 08 - 01:07 PM
Acme 23 Feb 08 - 01:14 PM
Janie 23 Feb 08 - 01:27 PM
Janie 23 Feb 08 - 01:27 PM
Janie 23 Feb 08 - 01:27 PM
Janie 23 Feb 08 - 01:28 PM
Janie 23 Feb 08 - 01:28 PM
Janie 23 Feb 08 - 01:29 PM
Amos 23 Feb 08 - 01:37 PM
Amos 23 Feb 08 - 01:52 PM
Little Hawk 23 Feb 08 - 03:02 PM
Amos 23 Feb 08 - 03:25 PM
Rapparee 23 Feb 08 - 03:32 PM
Amos 23 Feb 08 - 04:50 PM
Amos 23 Feb 08 - 04:59 PM
Janie 23 Feb 08 - 05:21 PM
Janie 23 Feb 08 - 05:30 PM
Rapparee 23 Feb 08 - 07:14 PM
Acme 23 Feb 08 - 07:22 PM
Rapparee 23 Feb 08 - 07:40 PM
Little Hawk 23 Feb 08 - 08:02 PM
Rapparee 23 Feb 08 - 08:06 PM
Amos 23 Feb 08 - 09:14 PM
Acme 23 Feb 08 - 09:15 PM
Rapparee 23 Feb 08 - 09:25 PM
Amos 23 Feb 08 - 09:25 PM
Janie 23 Feb 08 - 09:47 PM
GUEST,Johnny 23 Feb 08 - 10:00 PM
Rapparee 23 Feb 08 - 10:02 PM
Amos 23 Feb 08 - 10:06 PM
Amos 23 Feb 08 - 10:18 PM
Janie 23 Feb 08 - 11:24 PM
Janie 23 Feb 08 - 11:37 PM
Amos 24 Feb 08 - 01:02 AM
Little Hawk 24 Feb 08 - 01:32 AM
Amos 24 Feb 08 - 09:45 AM
Amos 24 Feb 08 - 10:20 AM
Amos 24 Feb 08 - 12:28 PM
Acme 24 Feb 08 - 02:34 PM
Rapparee 24 Feb 08 - 03:46 PM
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 22 Feb 08 - 06:56 PM

By the way, if anyone other than myself takes number 22,222 they will be cursed: all of their skin will fall off all at once while they are dancing at the Prom.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Janie
Date: 22 Feb 08 - 07:16 PM

Will the cellulite fall off with the skin? If so -you may have a race on your hands.

Amos, Hopefully doing pretty much what I'm doing now. A local non-profit multi-services substance abuse outpatient and detox facility is stepping into the gap to pick up at least some of the clients that will be abandoned when my company closes four clinics in three counties at the end of the month. I get to bring those clients I didn't move to my private practice with me, and get to help design what the service delivery system will look like.    I also get back $10,000 of the $13,000 pay cut I took in January.   

Visa and Mastercard will be pleased.

Hmmm....what's that down the road there? Is it moving this way? (squinting, hand shading eyes from the glare of the afternoon sun.)

Welllll, lookee there! I believe I see my sense of humor heading home:>)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 23 Feb 08 - 12:20 AM

Yeeehaaa -- ready up that loop and set the houlihan.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 23 Feb 08 - 01:29 AM

Moonglow is here for the night! Yee, Haw!!!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 23 Feb 08 - 08:50 AM

Stilly:

I believe in modern parlance, "yeehaw" is a single term, or word, if it is a word, which I doubt. More of an ungrounded expletive or enthusiastic ejaculation. But in any case.

Do you suppose it derives from the marriage of "gee" and "haw", port and starboard commands for mule- and oxen-drivers? Or is it a corruption of "Yahoo"?


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 23 Feb 08 - 09:27 AM

I think it derives from unbridled cowboy exuberance, usually punctuated with pistol shots into the air, street lights, store windows, and various and sundry passers-by.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 23 Feb 08 - 11:16 AM

My brother in law used to drive one of those Cowboy Exuberance things, with the extra trailer hitch and the double-axles and the vertical emission stacks and six wheel drive? He drove it unbridled one time too often, and they impounded it.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 23 Feb 08 - 11:22 AM

I was tired when I wrote that. You're probably right.

She's up now and on the phone to various local connections. Looks like my Saturday will be fully subscribed in running her around places. Her boyfriend will come pick her up later this evening.

It could be expensive. She says she needs another external hard drive. Instead, I'll counsel that she buy a stack of DVD-Rs and backup the existing backup to free up some space. (Though Gigabytes are so cheap now--I see a 500GB external drive at Fry's for $109.)

Ten to go. Darn, I have stuff to do today. Hmmmm.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 23 Feb 08 - 11:57 AM

LOL!!!!!!!! I LOVE that poem you did about me, Amos! Excellent. I will attempt to respond if I find the time.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 23 Feb 08 - 12:36 PM

I must post this, as it has Great Medical Implications for every married man who frequents the Mudcat Cafe. And where better to do so than here?

In an effort to keep you informed about the difference between "guts" and "balls", the definition for each is listed below...

GUTS - is arriving home late after a night out with the guys, being met by your wife with a broom, and having the guts to ask: "Are you still cleaning, or are you flying somewhere?"

BALLS - is coming home late after a night out with the guys, smelling of perfume and beer, lipstick on your collar, slapping your wife on the butt and having the balls to say: "You're next."

I hope this clears up any confusion on the definitions. Medically speaking, there is no difference in the outcome since both ultimately result in hospitalization.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 23 Feb 08 - 01:07 PM

Who stands in protoplasm's thrall,
Condemned by body mass to live,
Entombed by cells, bound to the halls
Of that which takes, but scarcely gives
Such a one, whose mind is full
Of breasts and chests and flesh and butts
He is not meet, except in Bull
To speak the name of honest Guts.
Nor claim, while slave within those halls,
To know the higher truth of Balls.
Those golden rivers without fear
Transcend the lives of body's claim
And do not need perfume, nor beer,
To reach beyond mere body fame.
Then, from your mortal shell stand freed
And listen for still Spirit's call,
ANd only there, stand with t he creed,
The Higher Truth of Guts and Balls.

Torres Hordecorp Enfin
Les Chansons des Voies Plus Hautes
Paris, 1941, Fr?res Loins d'Hors, pubs.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 23 Feb 08 - 01:14 PM

My loaf of bread is out. We'll be good and let it cool for a few minutes before we fall on it like savages. . . hot bread and butter. Mmmmmm! Then I need to fix my garage door. Mom's going to hand me the screwdriver when I need it, and keep the dogs from underfoot. She's not perched over her computer trying to get an aesthetically interesting number, she has things to do today!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Janie
Date: 23 Feb 08 - 01:27 PM

Well


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Janie
Date: 23 Feb 08 - 01:27 PM

I


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Janie
Date: 23 Feb 08 - 01:27 PM

to see


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Janie
Date: 23 Feb 08 - 01:28 PM

If I


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Janie
Date: 23 Feb 08 - 01:28 PM

lose


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Janie
Date: 23 Feb 08 - 01:29 PM

the cellulite!

Hah! Rap's a poser.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 23 Feb 08 - 01:37 PM

I gotta say, Janie, that took real guts ... balls ...courage.



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 23 Feb 08 - 01:52 PM

Who wants to hire a PHD?
Especially the one I have--in philosophy?

(chorus)
This PHD won't get jobs for you anymore,
and this PHD doesn't mean what it did before--
and if you want to get tenure-tracked in college,
it takes more than knowledge!

Time was that learning made you
the finest of the fine--
but now it just marks you as
the smartest in the jobless line!

(chorus)

This PHD only gives me another name
and this PHD is as useless as its frame--
and if you want to get tenure-tracked in college,
it takes more than knowledge!

(V. Alan White here


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 23 Feb 08 - 03:02 PM

The word is "poseur". Another gift from the great nation which gave us the word "frisson"!

"poseur" vs "poser"


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 23 Feb 08 - 03:25 PM

Fie, Little Hawk. Her meaning, which translates the French into English, was perfectly clear. So dere. Wise guy.



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 23 Feb 08 - 03:32 PM

I hope Janie doesn't plan on going to the Prom this or any year. All of her skin is going to fall off during the Big Dance. Nothing else, just her skin. Not even her clothing. All of a sudden her partner (probably named "Johnny") will be dancing with a skinless person. He'll scream and run away, dropping his condoms as he goes. Out in the parking lot he'll start drinking, the first steps on the downhill road to Perdition And Worse, only it'll be more like driving over a cliff.

He'll end up writing speeches for Compassionate Conservatives.

And it will all be Janie's fault for disregarding The Curse.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 23 Feb 08 - 04:50 PM

It is most presumptuous of you, Rapaire, to even pretend to be casting curses in the House of MOAB. Especially against your own sibling. Now you say you're sorry right now. Otherwise you are going to catch it but good.



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 23 Feb 08 - 04:59 PM

See also poser in the same reference collection, you poser...


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Janie
Date: 23 Feb 08 - 05:21 PM

In hillbilly we sez it and writes it how we wants.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Janie
Date: 23 Feb 08 - 05:30 PM

The problem with Canada, LH, is a dearth of hillbillies. Other than that, I understand it's a pretty fine place - except for the fact that you have winter there. " course, that's also the problem with Idaho.

A pox your curse, Rapaire. Such curses mean nothing to a hillbilly. We're born pretty thin-skinned. By the time we're 50, it has about all worn off anyhoo.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 23 Feb 08 - 07:14 PM

Cute kids like me don't cast curses. That curse was created by Mom her own self so that I'd get a Really Cool Number because I'm hobbling around with a bum knee, using a hiking stick to assist. Mom thought that it might cheer me up, what with me facing possible surgery and all, and so she cast the curse.

Poor Johnny....


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 23 Feb 08 - 07:22 PM

Just so she doesn't curse your cast if you have the surgery!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 23 Feb 08 - 07:40 PM

I feel sorry for Johnny. His whole life ahead of him, voted "Most Likely To Succeed," valedictorian AND salutarian for his class, Class President, football hero by scoring the winning touchdown at the Homecoming Game, Captain of the basketball team, champion goalie of the soccer team, First Trumpet in the Band, National Honor Society, accepted at Harvard AND Yale AND Bob Jones University, champion debater, and voted "Biggest Heartthrob" by no less than six sororities. Poor Johnny...doomed to a life of disgrace and shame and Utter Degradation And Depravity.

They'll probably find his body in the Tallahatchee River someday.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 23 Feb 08 - 08:02 PM

The word is still "poseur", Amos. It's a French word. The fact that a few dumbass American youths have such lazy brains that they can't handle spelling or pronouncing any word they haven't already seen in Batman or Popular Mechanics does not change the fact that the real word is "poseur".

A "poser" is a question that is very difficult to answer. She was not talking about a poser, she was talking about a poseur. Note that the accent in poseur is on the 2nd syllable, while the accent in poser is on the first.

Once again, sir, you are being a cantakerous, obstreperous, deliberately obstructionist, and downright unreasonable diddlyboob of the worst sort. I shall have to reduce your official intellectual rating by one star...from a "9" to an "8". Hang your head in shame!

Janie - It's true we don't have too many hillbillies...but we have thousands and thousands of hosers in Canada, and they are just as good. Or bad. Depending on how you look at it. And then we've got Newfies and Squid-Jiggers too. If them "byes" lived in Tennessee or West Virginia, they would BE hillbillies of the first water, I can assure you. Newfies make "Screech" too and it's even stronger than moonshine.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 23 Feb 08 - 08:06 PM

I like screech. It's good stuff.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 23 Feb 08 - 09:14 PM

Ah, :itt;e Hawk, you play my stern, polysyllabic lectures back to me and expect me to be recondite? Pshaw, teach your gramma to suck eggs, rather.

Your disrespect for descriptive, regional linguistics shows you as an authoritarian martinet, sirrah, a man of much pretense and little conscience or discrimination about the genuine values of communication; in short a poser, and a hoser, Or, if you insist on Qu?becois, a poseur and a hoseur.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 23 Feb 08 - 09:15 PM

There is a tune running around in my head this evening. From Annie.

Tomorrow, Tomorrow. . .



Do you think you'll need surgery on the knee, Rap?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 23 Feb 08 - 09:25 PM

First I want to find out what's wrong with it. And yes, I kinda expect surgery; I'd give it a 75% chance. I can feel things move inside the joint when I do crazy, wild things like walk or climb stairs or get up. What concerns ME is that we have tickets to fly to Dublin on May 18 and back on June 1. Fortunately, Pat took out trip insurance and she can always go without me (a couple of friends are also going.)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 23 Feb 08 - 09:25 PM

What about tomorrow, Mag? Rapaire, if you need surgery, get them to slip a titanium knee joint in there for you. A few weeks from now you'll feel like a new man.



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Janie
Date: 23 Feb 08 - 09:47 PM

Mommmmmmmeeeeeeee....MAKE 'EM STOP!   Rapaire and Little Hawk are being mean to me - don't listen to them, Mom, Rapaire DID TO start it, and I wouldn't have kicked him in his bum knee if he had just left me alone....and Little Hawk's makin' fun of me (sniff-snort-hiccup) - he called - called me- sniff - well anyway - I don't know what youth means in Canuck -but I'll betcha the English translation is a bad word. I think you should wash his mouth out with soap.

Amos tried to stick up for me, but they wouldn't listen.   I don't think they should get any of that jello salad you promised we could have before bedtime tonight.







I thought Johnny would have called by now.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Johnny
Date: 23 Feb 08 - 10:00 PM

Oh, Janie! Why did you do it? And just before I was to get my Eagle Scout badge, too. There we were, dancing the last dance, cheek to cheek, me wearing my white sport coat and a pink carnation and you in your strapless prom dress, when all of your skin fell off.

Now I am a broken shell, a ne'er-do-well writing hack speeches for Republican candidates, living in San Diego with all the other hacks, drinking Wild Irish Rose wine and consorting with politicians.

And we could have been so happy together!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 23 Feb 08 - 10:02 PM

Well, hell, Amos. If Yellowstone pops the snow'll melt.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 23 Feb 08 - 10:06 PM

Rapaire, you stop that skin business, and don't give me any of your lip, either. See what you've done!!! You're making Janie wobble her lower lip and sniff!!! Back off, dude, and take that pseudopodal hand-puppet Prom Boy Johnny with you. You can have 33333, if you are good. If you're not you my find the head of a giant squid gracing the foot of your bed some morning.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 23 Feb 08 - 10:18 PM

Well, it better work out or you'll be casting curses and cursing casters in the same breath; which will hoist you by your own petard, coming and going.

Anyway, I wish you luck; I bet that titanium substitute would get you to Dublin, and get your health costs to doublin'. Ya gotta wonder who's runnin' this joint, anyway?



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Janie
Date: 23 Feb 08 - 11:24 PM

Rapaire, as Larry the Cable Guy says (I think he may be one of the legionaires), Get 'er done!

Then you'll be all healed up for the Dublin trip.

Not that you deserve it. I think you should stay home and give the ticket to me. Pat and I would have a grand time.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Janie
Date: 23 Feb 08 - 11:37 PM

Oh Johnny, get a life, fer Pete's Sake. I was stringing you along anyway. You are such a goody two shoes, and, really, no fun at all.

I had a much better time going to dinner with Dani and splitting a bottle of bubbly to celebrate my pending elevation from the cesspool to the basement of financial security (Mastercard and Visa will again be pleased), than I would have had with you anyway.

I only regret that we drove to town instead of walked. Then we could have finished the evening at the Blue Bayou, listening to Cool John Ferguson


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 24 Feb 08 - 01:02 AM

You're living right, no doubt about it. :D



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 24 Feb 08 - 01:32 AM

Ah, yes, Goody Two-Shoes. She was one of the lights of Plymouth, Mass, wasn't she, back in the old days?

There are no "hoseurs", Amos! LOL! It's just unthinkable. It would be a contradiction in terms. I think you are referring, sir, to "tabernacs". A tabernac is the French Canadian equivalent of a hoser, but a tabernac is never a "hoseur".


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 24 Feb 08 - 09:45 AM

Ah, but there are hoseurs, LH, as surely as there are voyageurs, explorateurs, or even travailleurs. I am speaking to one even as I write! Do you think I am how you say delusionaire? Fie!! C'est un canard enorme.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 24 Feb 08 - 10:20 AM

Let's save 22252 for Rapaire. It's just the same as 22222 except on of the 2's is upside down, and he'll never notice.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 24 Feb 08 - 12:28 PM

Dear Dr Paire:

Thank you for your recent shipment of Idaho snow. I am sorry to say the quality control on your product was well below standard. Don't you people even know how to make reliable snow? Your shipment was entirely unable to withstand the rigprs of the targeted environment here, even in the first day of deployment. As a result it suffered a complete meltdown, and ended up running down the streets and into the flower beds completely beyond control. Your logistics system, which we asked to deliver the snow to Lake Hodges reservoir, ended up sprinkling the faulty product over half the county. As a result we received none of the expected benefits of a large snowfall. None of our citizenry are getting to shovel anything, no-one is freezing, no snowblowers have been purchased, the market in wide-bladed shovels continues to be dormant, no snowmen decorate our green lawns, and my little sister has not been pummeled with a single slushball.

I am sorry to say we cannot consider this a fulfillment of contract on your part and would request that you cancel the delivery order; Idaho needs to go back to the drawing board as far as snow is concerned, and work up a more robust design before it again enters the export market.

Sincerely yours,

A. Jessup
San Diego


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 24 Feb 08 - 02:34 PM

Amos, I thought you were going to let Rapaire have that number? You took it yourself!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 24 Feb 08 - 03:46 PM

That's...that's alright. I'm used to it. Kicked around, rejected everywhere, why just the other night up at the Legion Hovel I was playing cards and just knew that my straight flush (Queen down) was the winning hand. I bet the farm on it, even my pants. And I was right! My flush would have won if we hadn't been playing Uno at the time. Fortunately, the other guys let me keep my pants for they knew what my wife would say if I came home pantsless...pantless...sans culottes. So I'm used to it. I'd go jump into the river and drown if it wasn't frozen and I'm probably break my ankles or at least sprain them instead. And in the summer when it's not frozen it's only a couple inches deep.

Sigh.


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