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BS: The Mother of all BS threads

Janie 22 Apr 08 - 10:24 PM
Acme 22 Apr 08 - 11:19 PM
Amos 22 Apr 08 - 11:24 PM
Rapparee 22 Apr 08 - 11:32 PM
Amos 22 Apr 08 - 11:58 PM
Rapparee 23 Apr 08 - 04:10 PM
Acme 23 Apr 08 - 04:38 PM
Rapparee 23 Apr 08 - 05:07 PM
Janie 23 Apr 08 - 11:32 PM
Amos 24 Apr 08 - 01:17 AM
Rapparee 24 Apr 08 - 09:51 AM
MMario 24 Apr 08 - 09:54 AM
Amos 24 Apr 08 - 12:25 PM
Little Hawk 24 Apr 08 - 12:28 PM
Amos 24 Apr 08 - 01:51 PM
Acme 24 Apr 08 - 04:14 PM
Amos 24 Apr 08 - 07:49 PM
Rapparee 24 Apr 08 - 09:14 PM
Little Hawk 24 Apr 08 - 09:43 PM
Janie 24 Apr 08 - 09:48 PM
Amos 24 Apr 08 - 10:27 PM
Amos 24 Apr 08 - 10:37 PM
Rapparee 24 Apr 08 - 11:05 PM
Amos 24 Apr 08 - 11:18 PM
Acme 24 Apr 08 - 11:21 PM
Janie 24 Apr 08 - 11:22 PM
Amos 24 Apr 08 - 11:25 PM
Janie 24 Apr 08 - 11:49 PM
Acme 25 Apr 08 - 08:40 AM
Rapparee 25 Apr 08 - 09:00 AM
Janie 25 Apr 08 - 09:09 AM
Rapparee 25 Apr 08 - 09:24 AM
Acme 25 Apr 08 - 09:38 AM
Amos 25 Apr 08 - 10:50 AM
Amos 25 Apr 08 - 01:24 PM
Amos 25 Apr 08 - 03:42 PM
Rapparee 25 Apr 08 - 06:05 PM
Little Hawk 25 Apr 08 - 07:49 PM
Amos 25 Apr 08 - 08:51 PM
Rapparee 26 Apr 08 - 11:38 AM
Acme 26 Apr 08 - 12:23 PM
Amos 26 Apr 08 - 05:49 PM
Rapparee 26 Apr 08 - 06:27 PM
Acme 26 Apr 08 - 07:24 PM
Rapparee 26 Apr 08 - 09:50 PM
Acme 27 Apr 08 - 12:00 AM
GUEST,Amos 27 Apr 08 - 12:08 PM
Acme 27 Apr 08 - 02:08 PM
Rapparee 27 Apr 08 - 10:07 PM
Amos 27 Apr 08 - 10:16 PM
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Janie
Date: 22 Apr 08 - 10:24 PM

Hi Mom and Sibs. Sorry to be so neglectful. Don't feel bad, I'm neglecting everyone else too.

Speaking of methane, Mr. B. Clinton is going to turn up at the baseball field directly behind my office tomorrow afternoon. I wonder if he needs a new psychotherapist?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 22 Apr 08 - 11:19 PM

Here I thought all of the natural gas stories were coming out of North Texas. (I still haven't seen any royalties on my gas lease, and the well was put in months ago now.)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 22 Apr 08 - 11:24 PM

Whyncha file a claim on Little Hawk's output?


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 22 Apr 08 - 11:32 PM

Well, I'm back from talking with Terry Tempest Williams. I recommended some reading to her.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 22 Apr 08 - 11:58 PM

If, like me, you didn't know who TTW is, a brief excerpt from her Wikipedia entry:

Williams is best known for her book "Refuge: An Unnatural History of Family and Place" published in 1991. The book interweaves memoir and natural history, recounting her mother's battle with ovarian cancer along with the concurrent flooding of the Bear River Migratory Bird Refuge, a place special to Williams since childhood. The book's epilogue, "The Clan of One-Breasted Women," explores whether the high incidence of cancer in her family might be due to their status as downwinders during the U.S. Atomic Energy Commission's above-ground nuclear testing in the 1950s and 60s.
Her work as an editor on "Testimony: Writers Speak On Behalf of Utah Wilderness" included assembling twenty American writers to write on the significance of protecting the wilderness. This book was held up as an influence at the dedication ceremony of the new Grand Staircase-Escalante National Monument at the Grand Canyon in 1996.
Among her other books are "Pieces of White Shell," "An Unspoken Hunger," "Leap," "Red: Passion and Patience in the Desert," and "The Open Space of Democracy." She also has written two natural history books for children.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 23 Apr 08 - 04:10 PM

Yes, she and I are great friends. I recommend ALL her reading, you know.

FIRST POST SINCE THE GREAT SHUTDOWN OF APRIL 2008!!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 23 Apr 08 - 04:38 PM

I've read several of her essays. She touches on a lot of the things that I've written about myself. Difference, is, she gets paid for publishing her thoughts. What a novel idea. . .


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 23 Apr 08 - 05:07 PM

She also gets paid to come and talk. She gets paid A LOT. Our share was $5,000.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Janie
Date: 23 Apr 08 - 11:32 PM

Damn! I talk a lot. If only I could get paid for it....


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 24 Apr 08 - 01:17 AM

"And now, Mudcat Radio is proud to present Ask Doctor Jane to help you all with your deepest troubles, your most persistent foibles, your most inexplicable self-destructive behaviors, your disagreeable inner voices and your crude and ill-advised censor circuits!! No problem too large, no worry too small, Doctor Janie knows you better than you know yourself!! Confess, and be freed!! She sees it like it is, tells it like it is, and you'd better well lissen!! Because NO-body says it better!! And now....heeeeeere's Jane!!"




A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 24 Apr 08 - 09:51 AM

Confess? You got nothin' on me copper, see? I didn't do it, see? And I ain't tellin' ya who did 'cuz I dunno. Go on with the lights and the rubber hoses, but you ain't gittin' nuthin' outa me, see? Cause I dunno that Big Amos from Sandyego told Janie the Lip to off them punks in Vegas who wuz tryin' to muscle in on Stilly down in Texas cuz she was movin' stuff through The Albertan to the Legion who wuz drinkin' it as long as it was likwid, see? So don't bother with the hoses and stuff cuz I don't know nuthin' about all that.












Mommy?....


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 24 Apr 08 - 09:54 AM

You'll confess.

Yes, Indeed, you'll confess

or else we will dog-ear the pages of every book in the Pocatello library system.

and if that doesn't work - we'll deface the covers with indelible ink!

and if *that* doesn't work. . .

we will switch the lables on the bookshelves.



Mwahhahahahahahahah!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 24 Apr 08 - 12:25 PM

"See what I got here, Book Boy? Gutenberg!! See da nice colors. Bet you'd hate have me pour this here ink all over those nice colors, wouldn'tcha? Huh? I ain't the type to color betweent he lines like Mister Goot N. Berg did. One page at a time, until you talk. First I bend the corners, see? Then I tear out da page, see? Den, you still don't talk, it's Inja Ink all over, see? So ya better sing, kid, or you're gonna keel over from heart break. One...two...."


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 24 Apr 08 - 12:28 PM

If you were being interrogated by Shane, Rapaire, you'd confess. Just you and him. In a brightly lit room. You shackled to the wall. Helpless. Shane with a beer in his hand and a two-four standing on the table. Shane belches, laughs in your face, and begins questioning you while scratching his crotch and reaching inside his filthy parka to track down that pesky itch under his left armpit. The aura of old sweat, stale beer, bad teeth, dirty hair, and indefinable but gross body odors seems to penetrate deep into your every pore as Shane says,

"You better flippin' talk, eh? I got all day."


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 24 Apr 08 - 01:51 PM

Actually, five minutes on the phone with Doctor Jane will have you blabbing the whole truth and nothing but the truth to the whole nation on AM Radio!!! And you'll feel SO much better!



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 24 Apr 08 - 04:14 PM

She's not on the same station as Rush Limbaugh, is she?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 24 Apr 08 - 07:49 PM

Nah...Rush couldn't get onto Mudcat Raddy-o.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 24 Apr 08 - 09:14 PM

Five minutes alone in a room with the late "Shane" McBride probably wouldn't make me talk. It might make me puke though, and I'm a projectile vomiter with pretty good aim and distance. In fact, I hold the Gold Medal in both accuracy AND distance in undergraduate intercollegiate projectile vomiting for 1967 and 1970 (had a little hiatus in there courtesy of my rich Uncle, Sam).


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 24 Apr 08 - 09:43 PM

Shane is a tournament level puker as well, and he's had a lot of practice. I'm thinking that it would be a real tossup as to who came out "tops" in such a contest.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Janie
Date: 24 Apr 08 - 09:48 PM

Rapaire, tell us more about your...hmm...fascination...with violence and body functions?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 24 Apr 08 - 10:27 PM

Tell all!! Tell all!!

And be healed!!!!



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 24 Apr 08 - 10:37 PM

Look yonder, Rapaire!! Look what;s coming for you!!
Two three three three two!!
If you'll just stop being a sinner
You can have this frabjous spinner!!

Mwhahahahaha....



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 24 Apr 08 - 11:05 PM

That was before I found Religion and Enlightenment and Antivert.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 24 Apr 08 - 11:18 PM

Meclizine (proposed INN is meclozine) is an antihistamine, considered to be an antiemetic. It is most commonly used to inhibit nausea and vomiting. ...


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 24 Apr 08 - 11:21 PM

So, do you think Janie could earn a few extra bucks if she set up a virtual practice?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Janie
Date: 24 Apr 08 - 11:22 PM

Bonafide BS alert! The judge signed the consent order for property settlement today. I'm torn between crying in my beer and raising a glass of wine in celebration of my purchase of another strip of highway on the road to peace-of-mind.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 24 Apr 08 - 11:25 PM

You go, girl; get the chapter put to bed, and start dancing down the next stretch.



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Janie
Date: 24 Apr 08 - 11:49 PM

I have to say, it was pretty neat to see one of our presidents fairly up-close. Hillsborough being a small town, and the publicity being well-controlled, it was a small gathering. Standing at the very back of the crowd, I was still no more than 40 feet away from him. The crowd was mostly gawkers, like me.

He does not look as tall as I expected. He needs a haircut imho, the hair length is approaching the pompadour look of elderly southern senators of yor. He looked very, very tired. He is a tremendous public speaker and does a great job of connecting with the audience. He tripped climbing into the back of the pick-up truck that substituted for a stage, and looks just as silly as the rest of us when we trip, wobble, throw our hands up in the air and open our mouths in those big OHs of momentary alarm, then grin in embarrassment and relief when we don't land on our bums.

I did not follow the admonishments to walk the ten steps from the site (and my office) to vote early. And I still don't know who I am voting for in the primary. Maybe I'll write in Shane.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 25 Apr 08 - 08:40 AM

Janie, how many presidents DO we have? Which one was this? :-)

Are you still digging up plants in that soon-to-be-ex-yard?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 25 Apr 08 - 09:00 AM

Take the money and the plants and move to Idaho. Move to Pocatello -- we have a 2.9% percent unemployment rate, new businesses coming in, a very active music scene, a university, affordable housing, great scenery, good location, and one of the truly great public libraries. The weather averages out pretty good too.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Janie
Date: 25 Apr 08 - 09:09 AM

Stilly - Mr. Bill.

Oh no, Rapaire, I don't do winter from October to April.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 25 Apr 08 - 09:24 AM

It's not. Just from about mid-December to Mid-March, usually. This is a Very Odd Year For Weather. Even at the height of the season the average LOW is about 20F. With Global Warming I expect Pocatello to be a seaside resort, with the waters gently lapping the sunny beaches and surfers riding the waves.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 25 Apr 08 - 09:38 AM

He and Lex Luthor.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 25 Apr 08 - 10:50 AM

Off to the Fortress of Solitude!! Tadaaaa!!


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 25 Apr 08 - 01:24 PM

Rapaire says Pocatello, but in his heart he knows he is really dreaming of San Diego.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 25 Apr 08 - 03:42 PM

Rapaire:

NExt time you decide to travel to San Diego, come in your regular form, would ya? There's no excuse for this kind of thing, and it lowers property values.


A


Shark Attacks, Kills Swimmer Near San Diego
SOLANA BEACH, San Diego County (AP) ¯ A shark attacked and killed a swimmer training in the ocean off San Diego County with a group of local triathletes early Friday, authorities said.


Family friend Rob Hill says the victim was 66-year-old Dave Martin of Solana Beach, a retired veterinarian.

He was swimming with others at Tide Beach around 7 a.m. when he was attacked, according to a statement on the Solana Beach city Web site.

Martin was taken to the Fletcher Cove Park lifeguard station for emergency treatment but was pronounced dead at the scene, the statement said.

Authorities now say an eight-mile stretch of beaches along San Diego County has been closed to swimmers.

Scripps Institution of Oceanography shark expert Richard Rosenblatt says the shark was probably a great white between 12 and 17 feet long.

Martin suffered a single bite that crossed both legs, Solana Beach Deputy Fire Chief Dismas Abelman said. "It looks like the shark came up, bit him, and swam away," said Abelman.

Rosenblatt said the victim was likely killed with a single upward thrust and bite. Water in the area is 20 to 30 feet deep. Rosenblatt said it's unlikely the shark can be located.

The attack took place about 150 yards offshore and several swimmers wearing wetsuits were in a group when the shark attacked, Solana Beach lifeguard Craig Miller said.

Miller said two swimmers were about 20 yards ahead of the Martin when they heard him scream for help. They turned around and dragged him back to shore. He was declared dead at 7:49 a.m., Miller said.

Swimmers were ordered out of the water for a 17-mile stretch around Solano Beach as the county Sheriff's Department sent helicopters up to scan the waters for the shark.

"The shark is still in the area. We're sure of that," Mayor Joe Kellejian said.

Miller said the beaches could remain closed for 72 hours.

It was unknown what kind of shark was involved.

Solana Beach is 14 miles northwest of San Diego.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 25 Apr 08 - 06:05 PM

The poor shark was feeling poorly so he saw a veterinarian. What's the problem there? If you were feeling bad you'd see a physician, no? So the vet says to the shark, "Now, open wide."

It was the vet's own fault for making too close of an examination.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 25 Apr 08 - 07:49 PM

That shark was taking a big risk! Physicians and the drugs and treatments they prescribe are the third most common cause of premature death (behind heart disease and cancer).


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 25 Apr 08 - 08:51 PM

Maybe the shark misunderstood the prescription where it said "per os"; he thought the authorizing signature was really the object of the verb phrase. Sigh....


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 26 Apr 08 - 11:38 AM

Mom! Look, you gotta get with it! You're living in yesterday, but you'll be okay now.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 26 Apr 08 - 12:23 PM

I'm heading out to the local flower walk at a nature center today. I'll take her with me. Just have to take the handcuffs along so she doesn't pick wildflowers in front of the tour and the park ranger like last time . . .


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 26 Apr 08 - 05:49 PM

I am off to the wilds of North County, far from the mutter of the madding crowd, a peaceful rancho in the hills, well-removed from Granola Jaws and all his ill-tempered kin.

I pray this weekend will restore the health, vibrancy, and Gordian-sharp edge to the mind of my favorite politician.

It could mean a great deal.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 26 Apr 08 - 06:27 PM

Gordian-sharp?

I think knot!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 26 Apr 08 - 07:24 PM

Perfect 10 on that one, Rap!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 26 Apr 08 - 09:50 PM

Yeah, shucks, I was pretty good there wasn't I?

We gave away about 200 children's books at the city Environmental Fair today, on all sorts of topics. We're also collecting old cell phones and shipping them to a place back East where they're sold to a recycler and the money used to by phone cards for folks in Iraq and Afghanistan.

Our Library is so green we're started to photosynthesize.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 27 Apr 08 - 12:00 AM

I forgot to ask--did the Bernardin book get there?

23300 :)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Amos
Date: 27 Apr 08 - 12:08 PM

Start the horns, the bells, the drumming!
Rapaire's spinner's coming, coming
Through the fog and hazy dawning
Sure to bringhim praise and fawning
Ill-deserved by such a sinner,
Maybe we should steal his spinner!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 27 Apr 08 - 02:08 PM

That's days away. Someone will probably forget and post a lawn care tip on that number, about how to off gophers or eradicate moles.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 27 Apr 08 - 10:07 PM

I'll know about the book this week -- Kathy went on vacation last week when we were busier than a hen tryin' to lay a square egg.

As for mole and gopher eradication, I'd probably use a .22 on gophers (or trap 'em) and the same poison I just spread for the voles for the moles. Zinc phosphide; works pretty good. Just be sure to pick up the bodies after and dispose of them correctly or it might also kill birds.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 27 Apr 08 - 10:16 PM

Thus do numbers lose their souls
Tied to tips on killing moles
Numbers bright and all resplendent
Elevating and transcendent
Now brought low and all quotidian
Dark and hard, like wet obsidian
Save the Spinner, is my prayer,
Make it bright for poor Rapaire
Let it brightly for him ring,
Not some ordinary thing,
SOmething special and contrarian
For our most esteemed librarian.

Higell Deeeh Gilltier
Song from the Market


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