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BS: The Mother of all BS threads

Acme 05 Jun 08 - 11:51 AM
Amos 05 Jun 08 - 02:48 PM
Rapparee 05 Jun 08 - 05:27 PM
Amos 05 Jun 08 - 06:34 PM
Little Hawk 05 Jun 08 - 08:22 PM
Rapparee 05 Jun 08 - 08:57 PM
Little Hawk 05 Jun 08 - 09:14 PM
Little Hawk 05 Jun 08 - 10:51 PM
Amos 06 Jun 08 - 12:19 AM
Amos 06 Jun 08 - 01:02 AM
MMario 06 Jun 08 - 08:28 AM
Rapparee 06 Jun 08 - 08:33 AM
MMario 06 Jun 08 - 08:38 AM
Rapparee 06 Jun 08 - 08:41 AM
Rapparee 06 Jun 08 - 08:42 AM
Amos 06 Jun 08 - 10:03 AM
MMario 06 Jun 08 - 10:09 AM
Amos 06 Jun 08 - 10:22 AM
MMario 06 Jun 08 - 10:28 AM
Rapparee 06 Jun 08 - 11:22 AM
MMario 06 Jun 08 - 11:32 AM
Amos 06 Jun 08 - 12:02 PM
Acme 06 Jun 08 - 12:04 PM
MMario 06 Jun 08 - 12:12 PM
Amos 06 Jun 08 - 12:39 PM
Amos 06 Jun 08 - 12:43 PM
Rapparee 06 Jun 08 - 12:55 PM
Amos 06 Jun 08 - 01:08 PM
MMario 06 Jun 08 - 01:21 PM
Amos 06 Jun 08 - 01:51 PM
Acme 06 Jun 08 - 03:00 PM
Amos 06 Jun 08 - 04:02 PM
Rapparee 06 Jun 08 - 06:17 PM
Acme 06 Jun 08 - 07:13 PM
Rapparee 06 Jun 08 - 09:55 PM
Acme 06 Jun 08 - 10:40 PM
Rapparee 06 Jun 08 - 10:59 PM
Little Hawk 06 Jun 08 - 11:16 PM
Acme 06 Jun 08 - 11:29 PM
Rapparee 07 Jun 08 - 09:23 AM
Rapparee 07 Jun 08 - 09:50 AM
Acme 07 Jun 08 - 10:40 AM
Amos 07 Jun 08 - 05:27 PM
Amos 07 Jun 08 - 07:58 PM
Amos 08 Jun 08 - 12:06 AM
Amos 08 Jun 08 - 12:10 AM
Little Hawk 08 Jun 08 - 12:19 AM
Acme 08 Jun 08 - 12:55 AM
Acme 08 Jun 08 - 12:57 AM
Rapparee 08 Jun 08 - 10:52 AM
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 05 Jun 08 - 11:51 AM

Amos, you're trying too hard. You need to turn the other lip.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 05 Jun 08 - 02:48 PM

Only with permission.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 05 Jun 08 - 05:27 PM

MOM! They're talking nasty, Mom. I think. I don't understand it, so it must be dirty.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 05 Jun 08 - 06:34 PM

Welcome to Wonderland,
Wonderful Wonderland!
Wonderland's wonderful,
As you can see.

Noone in Wonderland
Tries much to understand
WHich things are real and which
Just fantasy!

People in Wonderland
Dance on the moonlit strand
Hearing the mermaids call
Out from the sea.

Rainbows and pixie bands
Speaking from Wonderland
Gaily inform of us of
Conspiracies.

Welcome to Wonderland
Wonderful wonderland
Wonderland's wonderful
As we all know.

Once you're in Wonderland
Leprechauns take your hand
Anything you want to
Fairies will show

Anything's possible
Everything's plausible
Quite Santa Clausible
When you are there.

Numbers are very few,
Facts never bother you,
Losses forgotten and
Sorrows are rare.

Welcome to WOnderland
Wonderful Wonderland
Wonderland's wonderful,
You know it's true!

Welcome wot Wonderland
Wonderful Wonderland
It is the one perfect
Haven for you!

Jason Fullbright Merrywether
Rhyming Schemes and Scheming Rhymes
Brooklyn, 1939


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 05 Jun 08 - 08:22 PM

Amos, I'm getting closer on the Shatner thing. I spoke to him briefly today, and he's showing some curiosity. I explained how you are a legend in your area and all that...he said he might be able to spare some time in July or August.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 05 Jun 08 - 08:57 PM

Will there be pictures posted? Autographs signed? Duets recorded? I'd like to hear Amos and Bill singing "Lucy In The Sky" together.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 05 Jun 08 - 09:14 PM

That would really be something, all right.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 05 Jun 08 - 10:51 PM

By the way, something just occurred to me. You remember how for the past 10 years or so I was trying desperately to secure one of those Hillary Clinton inflatable dolls, but couldn't find one anywhere? Not even on Ebay?

Well, it seems that someone bought them all up...all the remaining ones of which there were very few...yes, someone bought them up at a fantastic price...and had them all destroyed.

Now you know why Hillary's 2008 campaign went so far into debt.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 06 Jun 08 - 12:19 AM

Same thing with Billy Clinton back in 98 I believe, and those Peter Puff-Up Pecker inflatables in the SLick Willy limited edition. ABout a hundred thousand of them flew off the shelves into the hands of impassioned female voters before the guys in dark suits started showing up at every F Street Bookstore int he country and cleaning out the inventory.

There was a lawsuit by the entrepreneurs, but it got hushed up, and I believe they ended up with ambassadorships to two small central European countries.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 06 Jun 08 - 01:02 AM

As for your fellow-beaver Bill, I have several candidate grill systems in mind. He can help choose.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 06 Jun 08 - 08:28 AM

I don't think candidates should be grilled - slow roasted, perhaps.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 06 Jun 08 - 08:33 AM

The NKVD had something like that for "special prisoners", but I really really don't want to discuss it. PM me if you feel the need to know the details. That way Mom won't be all upset and feel the need to sit down, fan herself, and have yet another mint julep.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 06 Jun 08 - 08:38 AM

Is Mom having mint juleps for breakfast again? I thought she had switched over to Mimosa's?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 06 Jun 08 - 08:41 AM

Mint juleps with a sprig of "Wild Mountain Time" instead of mint. At least that's what she calls the garnish. I think that the Rastas call it something else.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 06 Jun 08 - 08:42 AM

Which reminds me -- I picked up a copy of "The Gospel Of The Flying Spaghetti Monster" while in Ireland.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 06 Jun 08 - 10:03 AM

Damn. Another solid Harveyite lost to the wiles of that perfidious multi-tentacled crittur.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 06 Jun 08 - 10:09 AM

Amos, you heathen! those aren't "tentacles" - they are Pastafarien extrusions.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 06 Jun 08 - 10:22 AM

Sir:

Until the day, should it ever arrive, when I become a baptised Pastafarian and partake of the Sacrament Bolognese, I sahll refer to them as tentacles.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 06 Jun 08 - 10:28 AM

I can understand that; Most pastafariens would consider me heathen because I lean towards the Primavara persuasion.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 06 Jun 08 - 11:22 AM

There it was, sitting right out in front of God and everybody, surrounded by a ecumenical coterie of priests, bishops, rabbis, vicars, prelates, pastors, sextons, and umbrella-wielding Anglo-Irish fatwahs all of whom were denigrating and deriding the Gospel and the FSM, right there is good old quasi-Catholic Ireland.

But I bought it.

Now I am shunned, excommunicated, branded heretical, cussed out, and my morals, ethics, spirituality, and probable destination in any afterlife have been roundly and completely discussed ad nauseam.]

I'm proud of me, for as Mark Twain said, "Heaven for the climate and Hell for the company."


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 06 Jun 08 - 11:32 AM

Rapire said:Now I am shunned, excommunicated, branded heretical, cussed out, and my morals, ethics, spirituality, and probable destination in any afterlife have been roundly and completely discussed ad nauseam

Business as usual, then.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 06 Jun 08 - 12:02 PM

So the book boy was banned, and his fate was pathetic:
He was tied up and burned, at the stake, as heretic!
But as the flames rose, sir, there came a halooo:
The book boy still yelling, "Your book's overdue!"


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 06 Jun 08 - 12:04 PM

clever!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 06 Jun 08 - 12:12 PM

Hey! How come you're quoting from the screenplay for my movie: "Dr. Suess meets the Spanish Inquisition"


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 06 Jun 08 - 12:39 PM

It was easy as breathing helium, in light of the fact that my own book is close to five years overdue. Don't tell Rapaire or there will be Hell to pay, or some other fictitious quantity of stuff.



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 06 Jun 08 - 12:43 PM

Now comes 23880, in noble regalia and decor.
Look on its girth, you lesser numbers, and despair.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 06 Jun 08 - 12:55 PM

Nothing beside remains. Round the decay
Of that colossal number and of Amos, boundless and bare,
The lone and level sands stretch far away.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 06 Jun 08 - 01:08 PM

GEe, this is just like the olde dayes.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 06 Jun 08 - 01:21 PM

I wonder, -- How Old Rapaire may express
Wonder like Amos, when thro' the wilderness
    Where Gluon stood, thinking his/her tail to chase,
s/he meets some Legion crude, and stops to guess.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 06 Jun 08 - 01:51 PM

Or standing on a peak in Darien
Our Gluon views the measured World of Man
Stretched there ahead, as far as he can see;
Reflecting, lifts his off-hind leg to pee.

More things than even Gluon sees,
More than in Rapaires glib philosophies,
More than in Bush's anal-cranial impaction,
Are the far ranges of pure thought in action.

Thus stranger be warned, upon a like high hill,
As you survey the World, in raiment shrill,
Shining like gossamer sunlight on a pond;
And think--oh, think!--of what's beyond!

Raieau De la Lumen
Solar-Powered Souls and Others,
collected by Binky, Bunky and Schiverma Timbers, Inc.

"When Time Was Wasting--the Collected Poems of the Nightmare Generation"
Bergen, NJ, 1971


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 06 Jun 08 - 03:00 PM

MOM wants to know if one of you boys will dig the hammock out of the attic and put it up on the screened-in porch. There's so much hot air in the house she thinks sleeping outside might be more comfortable.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 06 Jun 08 - 04:02 PM

I already put it up for her, Still, yesterday morning. I knew no-one elese was gonna, and it was getting warm and all.

Let her know.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 06 Jun 08 - 06:17 PM

Brown nose, brown nose, Amos is a brown nose!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 06 Jun 08 - 07:13 PM

I started a new thread with a nifty site called Muckety.com where you can explore the connections between individuals, organizations, locations, etc. It seemed too good to keep to just ourselves.

I tried quite a few names and I only scratched the surface. Some of the names I ran were Harlan Crow (the Google search that let me hit the site to begin with), Bill Gates (III), Dick Cheney, Rupert Murdoch, Bob Dylan, Bill Clinton, and when you click on any of the links this site maps it they rearrange themselves. You can get the names of folks who rent apartments in the building where Murdoch, lives, etc. It's like following a Google map of people and places.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 06 Jun 08 - 09:55 PM

Well, my roof is on and today I paid the contractor. It looks really nice and I'll never have to worry about it -- 50 year warranty shingles and a wind rating of 110 mph.

Onward to replacing the exterior doors now!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 06 Jun 08 - 10:40 PM

I have a roof like that. Did you also put in a ridge vent? It helps keep it cool in the summer.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 06 Jun 08 - 10:59 PM

Actually, it's vented at the gable edges. That is, where the roof edge is /\ a ridge vent was installed that overlaps the fascia. This is much more practical out here because it cuts down on the dust that blows in while providing the necessary venting for insulation efficiency. It also protects the fasciae from the weather and helps to anchor the roof shingles.

I hope this is clear.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 06 Jun 08 - 11:16 PM

Do something good for your soul today. Help a Hoser. Go to the relevant thread and make your pledge now.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 06 Jun 08 - 11:29 PM

So the ridge vent is only on the gables, not along the top ridge line? I have it on both ridge and top of the gables. Plus vents in the soffits to help with ventilation.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 07 Jun 08 - 09:23 AM

Oh, there are already soffit vents.

To create the gables venting, ridge vent shingle were fastened that anchor to both the fascia board and the roof, overlapping the fascia.

                        shingle > /
                        shingle > ||                                   |                                   |
Because the shingle used is a vent shingle, there is a slight gap between the shingle and the fascia (yes, it's been insect-proofed) that allows the house to "breathe."

It kinda give the house a thatched look, too.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 07 Jun 08 - 09:50 AM

Oh, yes! When I paid the contractor yesterday he told me that we were lucky: the price of roofing shingles have just jumped US $20.00 per square and more increases are expected. He's honoring the costs for the jobs he's bid, but anything new is at the higher rate.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 07 Jun 08 - 10:40 AM

I'm not surprised. Everything is going up. When you were the low end shopper to begin with (did you hear the NPR interview last week where the woman had to stop buying organic veggies at Whole Foods?) there isn't a lot of wiggle room. More seeds and more garden space committed to veggies.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 07 Jun 08 - 05:27 PM

The price of life, Western style, is beginning to feel like it is standing at the end of a highwayman's blunderbuss.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 07 Jun 08 - 07:58 PM

A buddy and I went flying this morning, from Gillespie Field out in El Cajon. We had a lovely li'l SkyHawk, and we zipped away from the surly bonds of earth, which are particularly plangent in El Cajon, and ducked past the edge of El Capitan, over the high eastern ridges that form the guard wall of the region, and down among the high canyons and valleys of the mountain passes and --swoosh!--down into the Anza Borrego desert. We did a few touch-and-gos and went over to the Agua Caliente airstrip for a look see, and then back over the hills and into El Cajon and down to earth once again.

It was loverly, but it feels very strange to be 4,500 feet up, looking down on the kingdoms of earth from a seat in a vibrating tin shell...very strange.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 08 Jun 08 - 12:06 AM

Then suddenly, the Nine came down
Like a flag from an angry Zeus
ANd the thunder of the cheers rose up
In the thunder of mighty shoes,

And the clouds of dust were whipped aside,
As fast as light in the night
And Big Brown whipped across the Nine
WIth another horse on his right

But it wasn't what they'd thought it was
Just aft the right of him;
The horse that moved in his very steps
Was the the brave Bright Glim.

For Glim was third!! And in her place
Like a well-aimed flying bomb,
Came loping up in second place
Implacable Big Mom.

Ten thousand breaths that had been held
Were let out as one breath
Ten thousand hearty voices yelled,
Loud enough to shatter the deaf.

Ten thousand kerchiefs waved in the sun,
And ten thousand spirits prayed,
As the rounded the Nine and went for the line,
AT the dawn of that summer day.


.....


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 08 Jun 08 - 12:10 AM

And there was the Nine, now flying past!
And there the crowd, gone mad,
ANd they started to yell, "Come On, Big Mom!!"
With everything they had.

But there was no way, any jock could see
For Big Mom to make that draw
For Big Brown moved with the longest stride
Any horse-man ever saw.

And he moved with speed and he moved with grace,
Like a shell from a well-oiled gun
And the betting men cheered in spite of themselves
Knowing down deep he'd won.


.....


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 08 Jun 08 - 12:19 AM

What an epic!!! This leaves "Casey at Bat" in the dust. Chongo is going nuts here with the suspense. He loves the horse races.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 08 Jun 08 - 12:55 AM

99 bottles of beer on the wall
99 bottles of beer
Take one down,
Post it to MOM,
99 bottles of beer on the wall.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 08 Jun 08 - 12:57 AM

It's late or I'd have caught that and made it
98 bottles of beer on the wall
on the last line before I hit send.

Though now it is
97 bottles of beer on the wall.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 08 Jun 08 - 10:52 AM

No, that was correct. You are never short of beer in Mom's house.


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