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BS: The Mother of all BS threads

Acme 27 Jun 09 - 09:24 AM
Rapparee 27 Jun 09 - 10:16 AM
Rapparee 27 Jun 09 - 11:09 AM
Acme 27 Jun 09 - 11:15 AM
Amos 27 Jun 09 - 05:10 PM
Janie 27 Jun 09 - 05:10 PM
Janie 27 Jun 09 - 05:15 PM
Little Hawk 27 Jun 09 - 06:13 PM
Rapparee 27 Jun 09 - 10:50 PM
Acme 27 Jun 09 - 11:59 PM
Amos 28 Jun 09 - 12:04 AM
Little Hawk 28 Jun 09 - 07:39 AM
Rapparee 28 Jun 09 - 11:07 AM
Amos 28 Jun 09 - 11:09 AM
Bee-dubya-ell 28 Jun 09 - 02:43 PM
Amos 28 Jun 09 - 03:55 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 28 Jun 09 - 04:22 PM
Rapparee 28 Jun 09 - 05:31 PM
Janie 28 Jun 09 - 07:55 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 28 Jun 09 - 09:35 PM
Rapparee 28 Jun 09 - 10:22 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 29 Jun 09 - 12:08 AM
Amos 29 Jun 09 - 12:48 AM
Rapparee 29 Jun 09 - 08:32 AM
Amos 29 Jun 09 - 09:28 AM
Rapparee 29 Jun 09 - 11:10 AM
Acme 29 Jun 09 - 11:25 AM
GUEST,Chongo Chimp 29 Jun 09 - 11:36 AM
Amos 29 Jun 09 - 12:27 PM
Little Hawk 29 Jun 09 - 02:10 PM
Amos 29 Jun 09 - 02:22 PM
Little Hawk 29 Jun 09 - 02:28 PM
Rapparee 29 Jun 09 - 04:11 PM
Amos 29 Jun 09 - 04:50 PM
Rapparee 29 Jun 09 - 05:42 PM
Rapparee 29 Jun 09 - 05:53 PM
Little Hawk 29 Jun 09 - 06:19 PM
Amos 29 Jun 09 - 06:49 PM
Little Hawk 29 Jun 09 - 06:54 PM
Rapparee 29 Jun 09 - 08:53 PM
Rapparee 29 Jun 09 - 09:10 PM
Acme 29 Jun 09 - 09:19 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 29 Jun 09 - 09:26 PM
Rapparee 29 Jun 09 - 09:31 PM
Rapparee 29 Jun 09 - 10:22 PM
maeve 29 Jun 09 - 10:26 PM
Little Hawk 29 Jun 09 - 10:47 PM
Acme 30 Jun 09 - 12:19 AM
Little Hawk 30 Jun 09 - 12:26 AM
Amos 30 Jun 09 - 04:49 AM
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 27 Jun 09 - 09:24 AM

Janie, you'll just make us targets of the freds if you keep that up! (And though there was a Mrs. Crutcher, the aspects presented here were as real as Chongo and Chinga).


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 27 Jun 09 - 10:16 AM

From their message I would think that particular sequence of amino acids acts as seasoning.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 27 Jun 09 - 11:09 AM

I have just learned from an unimpeachable source that Michael Jackson owned the production rights to "The Notre Dame Victory March" and the school song, "Notre Dame Our Mother" among the rights to other songs, including some by Dylan and the Beatles. These cannot be played until the estate is settled.

Notre Dame has elected to sing "Oh Mary We Crown Thee With Flowers Today" and, in an attempt to regain their football momentum, "Back In The Saddle Again" instead.

I'll have more on this as details warrant.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 27 Jun 09 - 11:15 AM

I remember when he bought the rights to the Beatles songs, but I never heard if they went anywhere from there. You'd think when he had such financial problems those would have been first to go.

Oops. Talking about regular stuff. Back to the BS.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 27 Jun 09 - 05:10 PM

They can't figure out what killed him, but it was probably not owning Beatles music.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Janie
Date: 27 Jun 09 - 05:10 PM

I ain't done nuttin' today that I needed to other than take an obligatory shower and go see one midmorning client.

This is becoming a Saturday pattern on the weeks I am alone.

I function much better when I have some one around to boss around.

When is/was the shoulder surgery, Rap?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Janie
Date: 27 Jun 09 - 05:15 PM

Ooh, I just remembered that I have come up with a formula in an aerosol spray called "Phreds Away." It really works. I can prove that because I am still here, DNA more or less intact. I'm offering a case discount to family only. A $225.00 value for only $194.98 for a case of 24, plus shipping and handling.

Money order or certified check only, please.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 27 Jun 09 - 06:13 PM

What a fantastic product! I will order 3 cases immediately. "Phreds Away"! Marvelous! That stuff should sell like hotcakes, as the saying goes.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 27 Jun 09 - 10:50 PM

They will take away more of my superb, unparalleled, DNA on Wednesday, July 22nd. I believe that they are storing it so that they can use it to clone such superior beings as I when the Secret Government Agency doing it finds it necessary.

And you can believe this or not, but it's true: I chose the date of the surgery because it's the day after the monthly Board of Trustees Meeting and that way my #2 wouldn't have to do it.

I'm currently learning how much I really use my left arm. For example, putting on my socks or applying deodorant. Fortunately, I can still shoot with my right hand, but if...hey! I could keep a pistol in the sling on my left arm! Hmmmmmmmmmmm...easy to get to, too. Hmmmmmmmm....

Oh, by the way, we went down to the Welsh Festival in Malad today. There are more people per capita of Welsh descent living in Oneida County, Idaho than anywhere else outside of Wales. I wanted to have some of those Welsh Corgis but the didn't have any -- I've heard they're great with a butter cream frosting.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 27 Jun 09 - 11:59 PM

MOM, have some of my fresh picked home grown bush beans along with that chicken wing. I know it's late, but a little snack before bedtime is good if it was too hot earlier to feel like eating.

I can't believe the weather report--tomorrow is supposed to get down to 98, and early next week it will be as cool as 90 one day! Whoo, hoo! Get out the wool cap and the snow shoes! (Google must have guessed, it has ads for an Inuit Art Gallery and Inuit Art/Eskimo Art.)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 28 Jun 09 - 12:04 AM

We went to a wedding of twenty-somethings, and we were all over fifty and we all cried. The innocence, ignorance, and faith was inspiring, the poetic and creative energy that went into the vows was inspiring, and nothing was as it was in our day, and yet nothing had really changed. So we made warm friendly nice with strangers and had some wine and came home. Maybe life requires a renewal of ignorance in order to keep going.



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 28 Jun 09 - 07:39 AM

Yes, that might be so. An emptiness yearns to be filled, and the yearning is the fuel that drives the engine.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 28 Jun 09 - 11:07 AM

If life requires a renewal of ignorance then I'm going to live forever.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 28 Jun 09 - 11:09 AM

Necessary, perhaps, but probably not sufficient.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 28 Jun 09 - 02:43 PM

Hi Mom! Ya know what I miss? Spotlights! The ones they used to rent out for grand openings of stores and car lots and such. Big humongous high-voltage zillion candle-power things that would shoot a beam clear up to the stratosphere. Remember them?

Remember going outside after dark and seeing the beams sweeping through the sky and then running back inside hollering, "Mom! Dad! Spotlight! Let's go find out where it's comin' from!"? Then everyone would pile into the car and drive toward what appeared to be the beam's origin point and, after making a few wrong turns, would eventually arrive at some Ford dealership or a new Western Auto store.

Whatever happened to 'em? Did the government decide they were an aviation hazard? Were they war surplus items that were made so obsolete by radar that they quit makin 'em? Did people just start getting so glued to their televisions that they quit going outside after dark? Did light pollution in big cities get so bad that you wouldn't be able to see a spotlight beam coming from a mile away? All of the above?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 28 Jun 09 - 03:55 PM

All of the above and more. For one thing, pigeons hated those beams of light; when they were trying to fly home after dark, when a party had been longer and wilder than planned, the beams would blind them and they would end up crashing into the duckpond in the park. The beams annoyed the hell out of bats because their prey, the small nocturnal insects, would all steer toward the beams and it would become harder and harder to find a square meal in reasonable reach of the home cave. The beams would mess up the circadian cycles of neighboring bears in winter and confuse the beavers in their lodges. so a groundswell of telepathic, organic, deep-seated resentment began to build up and grow and grow. It got so thick that even humans, whose memetic density if legendary, could not think of renting one of those spotlights without getting queasy and turning all absentminded under the subtle barrage of animal thought-beams protesting the idea.

Eventually, the market declined so far that no-one would run the business risk of buying one to rent out, and the rest rotted away through simple attrition.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 28 Jun 09 - 04:22 PM

But they sure did attract a shitload of suicidal moths, didn't they?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 28 Jun 09 - 05:31 PM

AND skeeters.

Put one at your house and make all your neighbors grateful.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Janie
Date: 28 Jun 09 - 07:55 PM

Hi MOM. Just took off my dancin' shoes after going to a pot luck and Michael Jackson dance party at Dani's.   

"You did what!?" you say?

It were fun. I'm 14 years older than Dani, so I didn't grow up on the Jackson 5 and MJ, as did both she and her kids.    But I loves to dance, and that music is made fer dancin.' The party was still going strong when I left.

Separate but related, I was listening to "Thistle and Shamrock" on the drive home. Anybody else notice how much thicker Fiona Richie's Scottish accent has gotten over time, since she returned to Scotland?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 28 Jun 09 - 09:35 PM

I haven't really noticed a change in Fiona's accent, Janie, but I have noticed that when I travel outside the southeast for any length of time, I'll start to lose my southern drawl. When I return to Floribama, I have to learn how to sound like an uneducated, inbred, rednecked peanut farmer all over again.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 28 Jun 09 - 10:22 PM

You mean you're not one? Dang, coulda fooled me. No, wait, you're one of them rednecked, inbred, uneducated guys who deal pot. Now, ah knows yer gonna say that ah'm lower'n a snake's belly in a wagon rut an' all thet, but 'member, ah got mah Southern CREdentials from Offishul Southern folks* an ah wuz INduckted as an Honorary Southerner.









*Two ladies and a gentleman, all of whom were born, raised, and educated in The South.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 29 Jun 09 - 12:08 AM

Yes, I deal pot and I'm damned proud of it! I prefer to deal pots (plural), but if someone only wants one pot, I won't chase him away, especially if it's a big one.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 29 Jun 09 - 12:48 AM

Don' worry about it none. Rapaire has credentials in any group, association, club, and back-room deal circle that has ever laid a claim to anything at all, mostly as a result of his stellar dexterity with librarian tools and the office xerox machine.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 29 Jun 09 - 08:32 AM

Jealousy does not become you, Amos. It is not my fault that I am exceedingly bright, literate, multilingual*, well-read, good looking, trustworthy, loyal, helpful, friendly, courteous, kind, obedient, cheerful, thrifty, brave, clean, reverent, et sans peur et sans reproche. It is due simply to having the best genetic makeup in the history of the human race (the ne plus ultra as it were) and good raisin' up.
















*I am fluent in American English, Profane, and Obscene.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 29 Jun 09 - 09:28 AM

Humility does not become you, either, Rapaire.

I have a few suggestions as to what you can put your raisin' up.



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 29 Jun 09 - 11:10 AM

Sir, you insult my heritage, my sainted mother and father, and my entire lineage both maternal and paternal.

My friends will call upon you.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 29 Jun 09 - 11:25 AM

Janie, I've noticed her accent is thicker. For some reason her accent always sets me on edge, despite the fact that I like that kind of accent. Maybe if I'd heard it stronger first it would have been better--when she first was on the air it almost sounded like a fake accent. I suppose I imprinted on that impression.

So you were out tripping the light fantastic? How's your moonwalk? Or do you do the spinning break dance? :)

We lost someone who was a great potential MOABite. I think we should bestow a posthumous MOAB membership on Billy Mays. That man could gab.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Chongo Chimp
Date: 29 Jun 09 - 11:36 AM

Rapaire, old buddy, you can count me among the good friends you have who are gonna call on Amos. He needs a good straightening out and I got just the medicine required for that. But maybe you have some suggestions of yer own? Let me know yer thoughts on this. I want to do "the job" right.

- Chongo


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 29 Jun 09 - 12:27 PM

Mwahahaha... the idea of being called on by LH's imaginary playmate on a matter of "honor", sponsoring Rapaire, is so rich in multiple vectors of self-contradiction I can hardly contain my mirth. Just let Chongo know for me, that if he comes calling he will have to discuss his sordid and irresponsible history with his little sister, and she is not a good listener.




A
'


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 29 Jun 09 - 02:10 PM

One of these days, Amos....one of these days!

(picture Ralph Kramden saying that, whilst shaking his fist in yer face...) ;-)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 29 Jun 09 - 02:22 PM

Now be fair, Little Hawk. It is true I have denigrated your polymorphous personalities complex and made fun of your imaginary friends and committed the grievous sin of even attaching a sibling to one of them. All this is so, and I am covered with regret at my wickedness. But why should you take it personally?

(By the way, I have just met the most charming, if slightly plump, lady, who says her name is Fica Lammater S. Dunnawnye. And you will never guess what the S. stands for!!! It is so exciting. And she is so touching as she fights back her tears and stands tall when she talks about how proud she is of her brother, Bill, and inists she is so proud of him in spite of all the ill he has done her when they were younger. It is stirring to behold.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 29 Jun 09 - 02:28 PM

Huh? What in the world are you on about now, Amos?

"All this is so, and I am covered with regret at my wickedness."

As well you should be! Drop and give me fifty. Then run around the block 20 times. Then whip yourself with a bicycle chain. And that's just the beginning...


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 29 Jun 09 - 04:11 PM

Then drop and give me a hundred. Run around the block fifty time, and whip yourself with a chain saw chain. Then I will consider forgiving you.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 29 Jun 09 - 04:50 PM

Odd how you two are now echoing each others' sadistic fantasies; sorry I can't oblige, but I was dome with self abnegation many years ago, and I don't brake for imaginary playmates or drop for librarians, either.

Little Hawk, I am surprised you are not trembling with delight at my recent encounter with and discovery of Fica Lammater S. Dunnawnye. She is Bill Shatner's abandoned sister!! Her full natal name was Fica Lamatter Shatner. It was a tragic course of events by which both their parents fled, and later died, leaving only Bill himself standing between her and starvation. About that time, he met a guy with a Lodak 8 millimeter movie camera and packed up and went to Montreal. Poor Fica was left to her own devices. She finally figured out how to make enough to eat, by taking an evening job serving hot, damp towels on silver platters to gentlemen, at one of Chinga's places of business while she finished junior high school. Small world, innit???

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 29 Jun 09 - 05:42 PM

Was she working in some sort of high-class barber shop or something?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 29 Jun 09 - 05:53 PM

You'll drop for ME. I just ordered a Model 82 Kimber target rifle.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 29 Jun 09 - 06:19 PM

Amos, you silly bastard, that is not my problem. ;-) It's William Shatner's problem. I suggest you call his agent if you wish to pursue the matter further. Be prepared for a long wait and a short conversation when you do...they can't be bothered much with small fry of your ilk.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 29 Jun 09 - 06:49 PM

Whoof, Little Hawk!! You're sounding awfully hoity-toity. Here I thought you were a True Folkie, but it seems you have hidden the secret greed-stained Elitist Capitalist Mongrel Social Climber side of your character. But may I suggest that if you want to scramble for altitude by dropping names, like some over-rouged insecure socierty matron wannabe, that you at LEAST use the names of people who ARE your friends instead of just imaginary ones? It will make your claims to elite-hood much more convincing.

Rapaire, old friend, you can put your fancy rifle barrel up next to your raisin. It might at least do some good there by stiffening something.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 29 Jun 09 - 06:54 PM

I begin to feel that you are seeking a quarrel, Amos. If so, you had best consider carefully the consequences. The graveyards hereabouts are littered with the tombstones of those who have dared cross swords with moi over some ill-considered remarks they might have best kept to themselves. I await your apology...or your explanation...

I am known to be merciful to those who show the proper measure of respect and contrition.

(grin)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 29 Jun 09 - 08:53 PM

Hey, LH. I'll be your second if you'll be mine.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 29 Jun 09 - 09:10 PM

Kimber Model 82G. Sight correct 1/5 MOA at 50 yards, average spread 10mm at 50 yards with non-telescopic, non-electronic sights.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 29 Jun 09 - 09:19 PM

OMG--I forgot to feed the dogs! MOM, why didn't you say something?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 29 Jun 09 - 09:26 PM

ANIMAL CRUELTY! Somebody call the SPCA! Stilly's dogs' dinner was served an hour late!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 29 Jun 09 - 09:31 PM

She should be flogged and maybe keelhauled and made to walk the plank.

At least that's probably the dogs' opinion.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 29 Jun 09 - 10:22 PM

You know, if no one else is gonna take it....


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: maeve
Date: 29 Jun 09 - 10:26 PM

Rapaire is going to take the dogs' dinner?

maeve


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 29 Jun 09 - 10:47 PM

Better a dog's dinner than a hound's breakfast.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 30 Jun 09 - 12:19 AM

There is the cutest little stray pup out on my porch this evening. The dogs are all excited. I gave him a bath so if he has/had fleas maybe he won't leave them behind before he leaves on his own or the guys from the city come get him. Looks like a 3 month old pit bull pup. Giving me the same "won't you keep me?" winsome expression that Cinnamon did five years ago. Poppy is jealous as hell. Cinnamon herds him away from Poppy. If I hold Cinnamon, Poppy makes it clear she's jealous and barks at it. So I kicked him out of the back and have my fingers crossed that he doesn't destroy the garden before morning.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 30 Jun 09 - 12:26 AM

You should consider founding and running a pit bull sanctuary, Stilly. Those dogs have had a tough time in the past decade what with bad press and general public hysteria.

It would be far less trouble than a chimpanzee sanctuary... ;-)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 30 Jun 09 - 04:49 AM

Too sweet, Still! POst pix!!


A


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