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BS: The Mother of all BS threads

Rapparee 06 Jul 09 - 11:29 PM
Rapparee 07 Jul 09 - 07:49 AM
Rapparee 07 Jul 09 - 08:13 AM
Amos 07 Jul 09 - 09:49 AM
Rapparee 07 Jul 09 - 11:16 AM
Amos 07 Jul 09 - 11:51 AM
MMario 07 Jul 09 - 11:54 AM
Rapparee 07 Jul 09 - 12:15 PM
Amos 07 Jul 09 - 12:18 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 07 Jul 09 - 12:55 PM
Amos 07 Jul 09 - 01:07 PM
Rapparee 07 Jul 09 - 01:08 PM
Amos 07 Jul 09 - 01:10 PM
MMario 07 Jul 09 - 01:14 PM
Rapparee 07 Jul 09 - 03:24 PM
Amos 07 Jul 09 - 03:32 PM
Acme 07 Jul 09 - 04:20 PM
Amos 07 Jul 09 - 04:56 PM
Amos 07 Jul 09 - 05:02 PM
gnu 07 Jul 09 - 05:22 PM
Rapparee 07 Jul 09 - 05:26 PM
Amos 07 Jul 09 - 05:42 PM
Rapparee 07 Jul 09 - 09:52 PM
Amos 07 Jul 09 - 10:16 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 07 Jul 09 - 11:38 PM
Rapparee 08 Jul 09 - 09:05 AM
MMario 08 Jul 09 - 10:19 AM
Amos 08 Jul 09 - 02:39 PM
Amos 08 Jul 09 - 02:45 PM
MMario 08 Jul 09 - 02:48 PM
Amos 08 Jul 09 - 03:46 PM
Rapparee 08 Jul 09 - 07:44 PM
Amos 08 Jul 09 - 09:51 PM
Rapparee 08 Jul 09 - 09:55 PM
Acme 08 Jul 09 - 09:58 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 08 Jul 09 - 10:05 PM
Amos 08 Jul 09 - 10:11 PM
Amos 08 Jul 09 - 10:15 PM
Little Hawk 08 Jul 09 - 10:27 PM
Rapparee 08 Jul 09 - 10:34 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 08 Jul 09 - 11:08 PM
Amos 08 Jul 09 - 11:13 PM
Little Hawk 08 Jul 09 - 11:57 PM
Acme 08 Jul 09 - 11:59 PM
Amos 09 Jul 09 - 01:33 AM
Little Hawk 09 Jul 09 - 01:44 AM
MMario 09 Jul 09 - 09:02 AM
Rapparee 09 Jul 09 - 09:27 AM
Amos 09 Jul 09 - 10:14 AM
Little Hawk 09 Jul 09 - 10:31 AM
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 06 Jul 09 - 11:29 PM

Tarot ta boom-dee-ay,
How did she get this way?....


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 07 Jul 09 - 07:49 AM

Ah, Mom. At least two meetings today and 5.5 hours sleep. 'Twill be interesting.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 07 Jul 09 - 08:13 AM

Hark 'ee, pretty Golden-Rod, leaning o'er the brook,
How I wish that at your face I might catch a look!
Yet you never let me peep, though I know 'tis fair,
Hid completely out of sight by your yellow hair,
Shake those sunny tresses back, why are you so shy?
None to see except myself and a butterfly!
'Tis so still and shady here where the willows nod
Won't you let me have one peep, pretty Golden-Rod?
          --True W. Williams, et al. Belford's Annual, 1888-9.
             Chicago: Belford Clarke and Co., 1888.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 07 Jul 09 - 09:49 AM

I find it unfa6thomable that people actually wrote such stuff once upon a time.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 07 Jul 09 - 11:16 AM

Oh Amos. I have many more. Wait until I get home and I shall post more of them because I know how much you like poetry.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 07 Jul 09 - 11:51 AM

Your stock of such things, good sir, is like unto the slop-pile and the dung-heap maintained by diligent farmer to feed his sows and spread on his crops. He would never claim them, if in his right mind, as his product of value.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 07 Jul 09 - 11:54 AM

ah - but without the slops, the sows would starve, thus no piglets, no pork, no shoats to sell; thus no dung for the dung heap. With no dung, no crops to eat, to produce the slops.

It's a positive feedback cycle.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 07 Jul 09 - 12:15 PM

Exactly. Dungheaps and slops are valuable in and of themselves.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 07 Jul 09 - 12:18 PM

Quite so. But that does not mean the farmer should pour them onto his display table in the marketplace.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 07 Jul 09 - 12:55 PM

I sing in praise of slops unsung,
And steaming heaps of livestock dung.
The odor and the smell and reek
Would make a maggot's stomach weak.
That foul melange of putrid scents
Would knock a buzzard from a fence.
But that obnoxious rank bouquet
Keeps uninvited guests away!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 07 Jul 09 - 01:07 PM

She is not comely, formed or fair,
The lass who runs that table, there,
But homely, stout, and rough of skin
From hauling her own products in.
Her table is not often blessed
With custom, as are all the rest,
Perhaps because her skin is dun,
The public seems her wares to shun!
Or might it be the products there,
Suggested to her by Rapaire,
Are rank and foul, like slops and dung,
Strange fare to sell, for one so young.
And selling dung, and showing slops,
Seems more a show to bring the cops
Than clients to a maiden's stall!
P'raps Rapaire's repute will fall!
He's not so clever, now, I think,
For having fostered such a stink!
ANd when yon sun climbs high and warm,
And ugly flies begin to swarm,
The folks incline toward intervention,
At the display of his invention,
And while the lass's fortunes fail,
They ride Rapaire out on a rail.
Tarred up in pitch, and with a crown,
Made of the finest chicken-down.
Alas, the fate! The mind, so rare!
And now adieu to bold Rapaire!

(Translated from the Middle English original from the writings of Geoffry Saucer, Six Tales of Ordure Enorme
Middlesex Anthologies, Dunkirk, 1926


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 07 Jul 09 - 01:08 PM

Living in the big city you might not believe this, Amos, but there is a thriving trade in things like manure and dung. Just pop around to your local garden store and price a bag of "organic" fertilizer.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 07 Jul 09 - 01:10 PM

YEs, but they bag it first, sir. According to your scheme, the dung heap would simply be thrust upon the unwilling clients without any such niceties as packaging, drying, deodorizing, disinfecting, or advance warning.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 07 Jul 09 - 01:14 PM

Or price some "Big Cat Scat" from the Bronx zoo, or others of their "Zoo Poo" line.

(Do they still sell this? the cat Scat used to be something like $12.50 a pound, plus shipping; the regular 'Zoo Poo' (non carnivore) was cheaper)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 07 Jul 09 - 03:24 PM

Your comments, good Amos, only serve to show how very, very far you are from Nature. If you'd like I could arrange for you to take a working vacation on a genuine Idaho ranch, living in a line cabin with a genuine Idaho cowboy. The place I have in mind is up in the Sawtooths, a nice spread of a couple thousand acres called (if I remember aright) Backbroke Mountain Ranch.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 07 Jul 09 - 03:32 PM

I have done my time shoveling the raw thing, sirrah, and spreading it; and have herded dogies in the Tetons, too, as a lad. I am no stranger to these things, but that doesn't mean I want them in the marketplace. Even you will not be so obtuse as to ignore this distinction, I am confident.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 07 Jul 09 - 04:20 PM

Sorry to be away so long, MOM. I had to go wait around for jury duty. Court settled as we were being herded together at 10am and given instructions to return at 1pm. Walked around for several hours, and at 1pm they said "we couldn't let them know earlier that we didn't need you. You're excused." Oh, well, I haven't been downtown for a while. It was nice to take a look around.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 07 Jul 09 - 04:56 PM

Even lawyers know that " Patience, to prevent
That murmur, soon replies, "God doth not need
Either man's work or his own gifts. Who best
Bear his mild yoke, they serve him best. His state
Is kingly: thousands at his bidding speed,
And post o'er land and ocean without rest;
They also serve who only stand and wait."


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 07 Jul 09 - 05:02 PM

A thread here writ has been called MOAB, Mother,
And wov'n close, both matter, form and style;
The subject new: it walked the town awhile,
Numb'ring good intellects; now one and then another.
Cries the thread-reader, 'Bless us! what a word on
A title-page is this!'; and some in file
Stand spelling false, while one might walk to Mile-
End Green. Why is it harder, sirs, than Gordon,
Colkitto, or Macdonnel, or Galasp?
Those rugged names to our like mouths grow sleek
That would have made Quintilian stare and gasp.
Their posts, like ours, rich with both Witte and Cheek,
Offer much learning for the soul to clasp,
Richer than Cambridge; more obtuse than Greek.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 07 Jul 09 - 05:22 PM

Wow. That's fuckin beutiful man.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 07 Jul 09 - 05:26 PM

It's little known, but Henry V of England was a cowboy. Shakespeare himself proves this with Henry's speech in Act I, Scene II of "Henry V":

"...Tell him he hath made a match with such a wrangler
That all the courts of France will be disturb'd
With chaces."

Whether he was a header or a heeler, a dally man or tied hard and fast, we don't know now. But that he was involved with "chaces" and was a "wrangler" Henry V himself admits.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 07 Jul 09 - 05:42 PM

Chaces, as Rapaire knows but does nt tell, are game preserves, from the French verb chasser, to hunt.

Not typical cowboy haunts. The last time someone from Idaho was on one, somewhere out in Somerset, he was invited on a hunt, and was disturbed at how coolly he was treated afterwards. Finally he asked the host if he had committed some social blunder. The host responded reluctantly, "Well, sir, when you sight your quarry over here, the usual thing is to yell out "Tally-Ho!!"--not, "There goes the sumbitch!!".

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 07 Jul 09 - 09:52 PM

Henry V had a nice spread over around Burley, Amos. Few hundred head of beef (destined to become the roast beef of Merry Olde England), running the roof-bar or arrow brand: ^
                                     |
Sorta like that, with line attached to the ^. Silly brand, too easy to change with a running iron, and lots of his neighbors did just that. In fact, that's how the Diamond I, the X Over I, and the Rocking Rafter I got started.

It's said that Hank (as his hands called him) was a dab hand with a rope and he could ear-notch and cut a calf as fast as it could be branded. He used an double undercut ear-notch, by the way, and did his cuttin' by the signs.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 07 Jul 09 - 10:16 PM

Cutting by the signs?

"It is written (Luke 21:25): "There shall be signs in the sun, and in the moon, and in the stars," etc.

Further, Jerome [St. Peter Damian, Opuscul. xlix; he quotes St. Jerome, but the reference is not known.] mentions fifteen signs preceding the judgment. He says that on the "first" day all the seas will rise fifteen cubits above the mountains; in the "second" day all the waters will be plunged into the depths, so that scarcely will they be visible; on the "third" day they will be restored to their previous condition; on the "fourth" day all the great fishes and other things that move in the waters will gather together and, raising their heads above the sea, roar at one another contentiously; on the "fifth" day, all the birds of the air will gather together in the fields, wailing to one another, with neither bite nor sup; on the "sixth" day rivers of fire will arise towards the firmament rushing together from the west to the east; on the "seventh" day all the stars, both planets and fixed stars, will throw out fiery tails like comets; on the "eighth" day there will be a great earthquake, and all animals will be laid low; on the "ninth" day all the plants will be bedewed as it were with blood; on the "tenth" day all stones, little and great, will be divided into four parts dashing against one another; on the "eleventh" day all hills and mountains and buildings will be reduced to dust; on the "twelfth" day all animals will come from forest and mountain to the fields, roaring and tasting of nothing; on the "thirteenth" day all graves from east to west will open to allow the bodies to rise again; on the "fourteenth" day all men will leave their abode, neither understanding nor speaking, but rushing hither and thither like madmen; on the "fifteenth" day all will die and will rise again with those who died long before."

IFfen them's the signs old Harry did his cutting by, I reckon he must a been plumb tuckered out before he got home from it.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 07 Jul 09 - 11:38 PM

Whoa! Wait just a danged minute there! Those aren't signs! A burning bush is a sign. A dove carrying an olive branch is a sign. The seas rising fifteen cubits above the mountains isn't a sign, it's a disaster of epic proportions! It's a major mass extinction event! It's the end of the fucking world as we know it! Screw the other fourteen "signs"! They're not necessary! They're overkill!

'Course that Jahweh feller isn't noted for sublety, is he?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 08 Jul 09 - 09:05 AM

Well, neither was Henry VIII. Or Charlemagne. Or Hitler. Or Genghis Khan. Or Attila the Hun. Or George W. Bush. Or Oliver Cromwell. Or Caligula. Or Jeffrey Dahmer. Or Ronald Reagan. Or Savanarola. Or Alexander VI. Or John XXII. Or Richard Nixon. Or Idi Amin.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 08 Jul 09 - 10:19 AM

Jerome does get a little confused, doesn't he? I doubt there will be many animals left after the 15 cubits over the mountains flood; and then there is the earthquake that "does for" all animals - yet a couple days later Jerome has them gathering in the fields roaring.

Likewise, all stones and rocks will crack, but houses and bullding remain intact to be destroyed later? And somehow people survive to "leave their abodes" (which are now piles of dust anyway - so they really don't have any abodes to leave)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 08 Jul 09 - 02:39 PM

I am sure if those signs went down poor Hank would have been scared witless, nor would have dallied he in chasse.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 08 Jul 09 - 02:45 PM

A moment of histrorical recapitulation:

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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell - PM
Date: 03 Jun 04 - 05:57 PM

The MOAB has gone continental! So tell us, polaitaly, have you performed the sacred duty to be undertaken by all novice MOABites? In other words, have you read this piece of crap thread from beginning to end?

Here's a short quiz:

1) Whose bright idea was this piece of crap anyway?
2) With what common construction site appliance is CarolC often associated? (No! It's not an accordion!)
3) Why are Amos' posts so often indecipherable?
4) Why are Tweed's posts always indecipherable?
5) Explain the correlation between Heisenberg's Uncertainty Principle, The Holographic Theory of Learning, The MOAB, and Waffle House's recipe for grits. "

"1. King khandu's
2. Outhouses
3. Because he knows too much fer his own good.
4. Because he don't know enough nohow.
5. The MOAB comprises the maximal concentration of postulated uncertainties within a singular locus of space-time theoretically possible, because of the density of knowable wavicles it provides within minimum distance as described in the Holographic Theory of Learning. This includes all possible knowledge including the design of accordions designed to look like outhouses and vice-versa. But, mysteriously, it excludes the Waffle House recipe for grits because no-one has ever been able to understand it.

A"


It amazes me we put these mysteries to bed so long ago, and yet they perpetually renew themselves. My theory about the perennial renewal of safe ignorance as a necessary component in evolution seems to bear a bitter fruit...


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 08 Jul 09 - 02:48 PM

Have you tried cutting the end off and then rubbing it widdershins against the cut edge? It's suppossed to cure bitter cucumbers.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 08 Jul 09 - 03:46 PM

That's just brilliant, Man of Emms!! I never knew there was a cure for bitter cucumbers!!

Now if I applied that to --say, for example--PDQ, would he becomes likewise disembittered?


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 08 Jul 09 - 07:44 PM

I just soak bitter cucumbers in an acidic brine solution until they turn to mush and then recycle the whole mess. But I do it widdershins.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 08 Jul 09 - 09:51 PM

That is probably why it usually ends up being like black magic.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 08 Jul 09 - 09:55 PM

I electrocute pickles!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 08 Jul 09 - 09:58 PM

Do you read by their light?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 08 Jul 09 - 10:05 PM

I grow Armenian cucumbers. They're never bitter.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 08 Jul 09 - 10:11 PM

The Second Incandescent Pickle Song. This completes a very long circle...



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 08 Jul 09 - 10:15 PM

The First Incandescent Pickle Song and a charming rendition of same by Bert.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 08 Jul 09 - 10:27 PM

Ha! Cute song.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 08 Jul 09 - 10:34 PM

If you decide to electrocute a pickle, if it's inside a plastic bag it's best to remove it first.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 08 Jul 09 - 11:08 PM

Okay, I'll bite. Why would the pickle you wish to electrocute be in a plastic bag in the first place? I thought pickles came in jars. Bread comes in plastic bags.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 08 Jul 09 - 11:13 PM

Well, so do some people. So?


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 08 Jul 09 - 11:57 PM

Some people come in plastic bags?

Not around here they don't.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 08 Jul 09 - 11:59 PM

And bread comes out of my oven and lives in a bread box. None of this plastic bag stuff.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 09 Jul 09 - 01:33 AM

I think you will find otherwise, if you investigate, LH.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 09 Jul 09 - 01:44 AM

I'm not sure I want to....


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 09 Jul 09 - 09:02 AM

You don't have the individual packed pickles in the pickle condoms in your area?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 09 Jul 09 - 09:27 AM

There are those amongst us, MM, who have never experienced the seamier sides of life. I'm must trying to prevent injury to them from an exploding electrocuted pickle and the only person who knows what I'm talking about lives in the 17th Century. Oh, my.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 09 Jul 09 - 10:14 AM

All is not as it seams, Rapaire. Sew there.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 09 Jul 09 - 10:31 AM

Ewe didn't spill that properlea.


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