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BS: The Mother of all BS threads

Rapparee 02 Aug 10 - 11:01 AM
Amos 02 Aug 10 - 12:30 PM
Acme 02 Aug 10 - 12:53 PM
gnu 02 Aug 10 - 01:12 PM
Amos 02 Aug 10 - 02:25 PM
Rapparee 02 Aug 10 - 02:30 PM
Eiseley 02 Aug 10 - 03:14 PM
Amos 02 Aug 10 - 04:16 PM
Rapparee 02 Aug 10 - 05:20 PM
Amos 02 Aug 10 - 06:32 PM
Acme 03 Aug 10 - 02:28 AM
Rapparee 03 Aug 10 - 10:55 AM
Amos 03 Aug 10 - 11:31 AM
Amos 03 Aug 10 - 12:37 PM
Rapparee 03 Aug 10 - 02:04 PM
Amos 03 Aug 10 - 02:24 PM
Rapparee 03 Aug 10 - 07:42 PM
Amos 03 Aug 10 - 07:50 PM
Rapparee 03 Aug 10 - 09:55 PM
Amos 03 Aug 10 - 11:15 PM
Rapparee 03 Aug 10 - 11:32 PM
Acme 04 Aug 10 - 12:37 AM
Rapparee 04 Aug 10 - 11:06 AM
Amos 04 Aug 10 - 12:00 PM
Amos 04 Aug 10 - 12:24 PM
Amos 04 Aug 10 - 02:33 PM
Rapparee 04 Aug 10 - 04:10 PM
Amos 04 Aug 10 - 08:21 PM
Rapparee 04 Aug 10 - 11:13 PM
Amos 04 Aug 10 - 11:37 PM
Rapparee 05 Aug 10 - 01:52 AM
Amos 05 Aug 10 - 10:17 AM
Rapparee 05 Aug 10 - 10:55 AM
Acme 05 Aug 10 - 11:27 AM
Amos 05 Aug 10 - 12:57 PM
Amos 05 Aug 10 - 03:20 PM
Rapparee 05 Aug 10 - 03:47 PM
Amos 05 Aug 10 - 04:13 PM
Rapparee 05 Aug 10 - 07:59 PM
Eiseley 05 Aug 10 - 11:32 PM
Acme 05 Aug 10 - 11:43 PM
Rapparee 05 Aug 10 - 11:53 PM
Acme 06 Aug 10 - 10:32 AM
Rapparee 06 Aug 10 - 10:42 AM
Amos 06 Aug 10 - 11:38 AM
Eiseley 06 Aug 10 - 12:45 PM
Rapparee 06 Aug 10 - 03:10 PM
Amos 06 Aug 10 - 03:41 PM
Little Hawk 06 Aug 10 - 04:10 PM
Amos 06 Aug 10 - 04:21 PM
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 02 Aug 10 - 11:01 AM

Mr. Amos, this is, according to the Official Counter, post ...05. SRS posted 04, you posted 03, I posted 02, you posted 01, and

EISELEY

copped the big 000. I stopped at ...99.

So there.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 02 Aug 10 - 12:30 PM

Oh, my Gawd!! I am WRONG!!! Gaahhhhh!! Whatever shall I do!!! My perspicacity is betrayerd!! Glaucoma!! Alzheimer's!! Attention Deficit DIsorder!! Ajjhhhhh!!! I yam undone!!! Oh, woe. Oh, woest woe!! Alas! Alack!! Oh, grimly grumble of egregious groggy disgruntlement!!


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 02 Aug 10 - 12:53 PM

It's only fair. She had a rough week.

Poppy smells much better today, so MOM has let her back in the sun porch. And she's glad to be there because it's supposed to hit 106 today.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 02 Aug 10 - 01:12 PM

She musta been in a skunk funk.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 02 Aug 10 - 02:25 PM

I don't much mind being wrong, of course, as I have been larned to know I mostly am. But I hate wasting all thet cree-aytive effort to chastise Rapaire unjustly., What I waste of good dudgeon!! I swan.



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 02 Aug 10 - 02:30 PM

Maybe we should keep you down in the dudgeon for a while. Teach ya ta count better.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Eiseley
Date: 02 Aug 10 - 03:14 PM

Just for you, Amos, because you're Prime yourself, here is a list of the 368?? unfactorable numbers: 36821 36833 36847 36857 36871 36877 36887 36899. Have at 'em.

Cheers, Eiseley


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 02 Aug 10 - 04:16 PM

Well, just to repair my broken spirit, I did add up all those primes which you SO kindly supplied, Ms Eiseley, and found them to come to a sum of 294,892, of which the square root is a nice square decimal of 543.0396.

Encouraged I multiplied them all together finding they produced a product of 3.40866 x1036, of which the square root is an estimable 1.85 x 1018.

These are such stellar results that my morale is quite restored. Thank you so much!


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 02 Aug 10 - 05:20 PM

She's really a fairly nice person, except when she's had too much to drink.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 02 Aug 10 - 06:32 PM

If she would only come to the GEtaway we could subject your hypothesis to a more rigorous and higher proof, Rapaire...


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 03 Aug 10 - 02:28 AM

MOM, have some of my homemade baba ganoush and pita bread. I grew the eggplants and the garlic and parsley that went into the dip. I made the bread just for this dip.

Next year I'll grow the wheat, the lemon trees, and the sesame seeds so I can do the entire dish, both parts, here in my kitchen.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 03 Aug 10 - 10:55 AM

Pfa! Here, Mom. Have some home-made Southwest corn bread! I evolved the corn just for you to that it would be as sweet as you are; I created the baking soda in the lab so it's as pure as your thoughts; the buttermilk is from the butter I churned just for the cornbread and is taken from the milk of a strain of cows I made and raised just for this moment and they were fed upon the finest and sweetest grasses I could collect from the entire West, and I mined and smelted to ore to hand-forge the cast-iron skillet in which it was made. The wooden trencher it's served upon is from an American Chestnut I grew and tended from a seedling and it happily gave its life when it found out what I needed the wood for: a dish for your special corn bread. And have a nice cup of tea; I developed this strain in the mountains of Sri Lanka just for you. Of course the honey was made only from the finest orange blossoms (I picked the unacceptable ones off) by bees who did their work with a smile because it was for you, Mom.

I hope you like it.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 03 Aug 10 - 11:31 AM

Sometimes Mom wishes she had chosen a more evidentiary career path...


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 03 Aug 10 - 12:37 PM

This weekend, Mom, I dreamed on the Booke, and also went to a charming musical play, a well-done adaptation of "Hairspray". Moving. Not only that, but I learned to play Canasta, and even won three out of five hands.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 03 Aug 10 - 02:04 PM

Bring the decks to Getaway, Amos. I'll whomp you so bad you won't feel good agin fer a year.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 03 Aug 10 - 02:24 PM

Aw, gee, Rapaire, here I was rejoicing in my innocence at learning a new game, never suspecting I was about to be threated by some furrow-browed mole-whacking curmudgeon with a penchant for sounding intimidating when it is least effective...


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 03 Aug 10 - 07:42 PM

Then again, I haven't played Canasta for a coon's age. You play draw or stud Canasta?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 03 Aug 10 - 07:50 PM

Well, the brand I learned is called Kick-in-the-balls Hold'em Canasta. I'll be happy to larn ya how it goes...


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 03 Aug 10 - 09:55 PM

Oh, that's played up at the Legion Hovel all the time. All you have to do is find somebody dealing off the bottom, or seconds, or using a shiner, or hand mucking, or...well, Amos, you would know far better than me. Anyway, the Legion decided that this was better than the old Shoot-Em-In-The-Gut-And-Hold-Em Canasta that they played up until a couple weeks ago. The hospital complained and the coroner (whose name is Kim Quick and no, I'm making that up -- "The Quick and the Dead" as we say) said there was way, way too little card play and way, way too much gun play. Now the urologists and chancre mechanics are complaining about too much business. Just goes to show that you can't please everybody.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 03 Aug 10 - 11:15 PM

Wow, Mister Rapaire, you know SO much!! I reckon you surely must be the knowingest man around, yes sir.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 03 Aug 10 - 11:32 PM

Wail, a feller sure hates ta brag on hisself, but ah rekkin ah does know a bit. Like that feller told the mohel, "Just a bit, now, golldang ya!" Cuz ya see, Amos, I larnt a long time back not ta let on everthing ya knows. Kinda let folks figger it out fer themselfs an be surpized by it. Fer instance, I'll sure bet you was surprised to learn that I taught Doc Watson how ta play the gittar. 'Course, that wuz afore'n I took sick with brain fever and plumb forgot how to my own self. An me an Bill Monroe useta pal around, only I ain't seen him in a possum's age. An Chet Atkins, too. An ol' Roy...Roy...that dag-slabbed brain fever! Anyways, I'm always plumb dee-lighted ta surprise ya with mah knowledge.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 04 Aug 10 - 12:37 AM

Something new for my Twitter account.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 04 Aug 10 - 11:06 AM

My, how your children have grown, Stilly!

I should point out that I know all about Amos and plan to publish a book by that title, "All About Amos." Few know, for example, about his life as the skipper of MV Croesus, a catamaran as large as a skyscraper (on its side). Of how he sailed her to Les Isles Noires and there rescued a very wealthy heiress from A Fate Worse Than Death, or how he defeated the villainous Wilberforce Glovedfinger in s shouting match in a seedy bar on the Ouagadougou waterfront. And who can forget his famous self-introduction to Miss Pennypenny, "Amos. Call me Amos. I forgot my last name. Shaken, not pureed."? I know how he drove Croesus onto a reef in the Barents Sea, greatly annoying the sailors working the sails in Erbus, and was trapped in the ice with Shackleford near Atafu -- Irma Shackleford, known throughout the maritime world as "Cap'n Cruella." Oh, I know all about Amos. My book will be out soon; watch for it on the NYT Best Sellers List.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 04 Aug 10 - 12:00 PM

Is that a photo of Rapaire?

Anyway, I am, delighted to discover, Sir Booke, that your impression of my life is so rich, so filled with adventure, and so woefully mistaken; but I prefer to come to the realizationthat, all these many years, we have been each battling a false representation of the other, and that all your derogation has been aimed at some other Amos!! This brings me great relief, as I no longer have to worry about your various defamations; it is now clear they were all aimed at someone else, with a similar name. This also enables me to rescind all my vcarious insults, as they were clearly prompted by a serious misunderstanding and a bad case of identia malprendida, which I understand is reaching near-epidemic proportions in Idaho.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 04 Aug 10 - 12:24 PM

Quelle tristesse les vicissitudes de l'intérieur de la bulle dur glaciale de la mortalité!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 04 Aug 10 - 02:33 PM

We are well away toward the next of Kay
At thirty-six eight and thirty
And the best of us ain't broke a sweat,
Our hands aren't even dirty.
We could write this stuff in our Sunday best
Or any other day!
So I'm inclined to rest my mind,
About that next of Kay.

But not to rest upon our laurels
Complacent grow, or fat,
I have to ask 'bout thirty nine!
Or the next K. after that!
'Cuz even the best of Moms grow wan
And the fairest are called by Death,
And will this thread go forever on,
While any of us has breath?

Supose we get to Forty Kay?
Where will we go from there?
Will we be posting from our beds,
Weak, and bereft of hair?
Will our walkers take us to the screen
The day before our deaths?
Or Dragon Dictate post our words
In ragged, fading breaths?

Oh, Mom, oh, Mom!
The years march on
The sentence never waived!
In space and time we post our minds,
In lines so well-behaved!
But when our forms return to dust,
There will be a great commotion
As one by one our souls explode
In the boundless BS ocean!

Then will we see the endless depth
And joy beyond confessing
And unify in brightest light
Our rivers of BSing!
Then will we each step from the cage
Of mass and time diurnal,
And joined again, we'll walk the March
of Pure BS Eternal!

Agatha Featherstone Ringblossom III
Hope from the Mother
Barley, Wheate, and Snodgrass
Grosse Pointe, 1932


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 04 Aug 10 - 04:10 PM

Too late! Too soon! The bell doth toll
And with its tolling bellows
That all flesh is grass and grass is flesh
When we go to join our fellows.

It matters not how much we wrote
Or what trouble we gave others;
What matters then is only that
What we did when we had our druthers.

How much did we support dear Mom?
Did we act as brothers and sisters?
Or did we sit upon our rears
Until our cheeks had blisters?

For far beyond that Forty Kay
Gleams the City on the Hill
Of Fifty Kay, or Sixty Kay!
If we're willing to foot the bill.

So teach your sons and daughters well
About our sweet old Mom
For it's better that they do post here
Than go out and drop some bomb.

          --L. Annie Orfant, Songs of Peace and Innocence
            (Watson-Upon-Holmes: Beastly, Whorly, and Snotgross, 1837)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 04 Aug 10 - 08:21 PM

"The bell doth toll for him that thinks it doth; and though it intermit again, yet from that minute that this occasion wrought upon him, he is united to God. Who casts not up his eye to the sun when it rises? but who takes off his eye from a comet when that breaks out? Who bends not his ear to any bell which upon any occasion rings? but who can remove it from that bell which is passing a piece of himself out of this world?" (J. Donne)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 04 Aug 10 - 11:13 PM

Okay, Amos. Here's that quote from Alexander Pope you asked me to find:

NOTHING so true as what you once let fall,
"Most Women have no Characters at all."
Matter too soft a lasting mark to bear,
And best distinguish'd by black, brown, or fair.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 04 Aug 10 - 11:37 PM

[G]When I get older, losing my hair, many years from [D7]now,
will you still be senting me a Valentine, birthday greetings, [G]bottle of wine?
If I'd been out 'till quarter to three, [G7]would you lock the [C]door?
Will you still [Eb7]need me, [G]will you still [E7]feed me, [A7]when
I'm [D7]sixty-[G]four?


[Em]Hmm------[D]mmm------[Em]mmmh.
[Em]You'll be older, [B7]too.
[Em]Aaah, and if you [Am]say the word, [C]I could [D7]stay with [G]you.


I could be handy, mending a fuse, when your lights have gone.
You can knit a sweater by the fireside, sunday mornings, go for a ride.
Doing the garden, digging the weeds, who could ask for more?
Will you still need me, will you still feed me, when I'm sixty four?


Every summer we can rent a cottage in the Isle of Wight if it's not to dear.
We shall scrimp and save.
Ah, grandchildren on your knee, Vera, Chuck, and Dave.


Send me a postcard, drop me a line stating point of view.
Indicate precisely what you mean to say, yours sincerely wasting away.
Give me your answer, fill in a form, mine forever more.
Will you still need me, will you still feed me, when I'm sixty four?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 05 Aug 10 - 01:52 AM

Got along withoutcha before I metcha
Gonna get along without ya now....


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 05 Aug 10 - 10:17 AM

What strange concatenations from a meandering mind
Do greet us here on summer's morning?
How left the field, how un- the wind,
That bales tomorrow without warning!
Undo the cleft! Unturn the key!
Unbell the tolls upon our way!
For we shall straightly think 'tis new
TO start a life on a summer's day.

Winston Purebuckle
Angst As We Once Knew It
Dream Press, Austin, Texas 1966


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 05 Aug 10 - 10:55 AM

Ah, but summer time is here
Time for brats and time for beer
Time for zephyrs soft and warm
Time to view things with alarm
Time to swim and time to fish
Time to find some sexy dish
Time for skeeters, time for bugs
Time to clean the parlor rugs
Time for weeds and cutting grass
Time to get off your dead ass
Time for baseball and for sport
Time for the West Nile Virus report
Ah, the dreams of summertime!
Phooey! You can have them for a dime.

       --Pearl Pureheart, Anthems of Angst and Anger
          (Don, Idaho: Whine Press, 1904)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 05 Aug 10 - 11:27 AM

MOM, wanna come cook some eggs on my driveway this afternoon? It's hot enough to saute an entire meal, but we'll keep it simple. Scrambled or over easy?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 05 Aug 10 - 12:57 PM

I'd do it, Still, but I yam afeared Rapaire would just run in and cook another set right after me. Maybe if you could tell me one half how many you want, that would work out...but his'ns are gonna be a bit staler, you understand...


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 05 Aug 10 - 03:20 PM

If you guys wouuld stop feeding Mom all that rich food, she'd stop falling asleep in mid-afternoon and taking those long naps. I know you do it out of love, but its just enabling her!!


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 05 Aug 10 - 03:47 PM

zzzz...wha?...huh?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 05 Aug 10 - 04:13 PM

Oh, Rapaire, thank you for finally putting into words the exact feeling I always knew was in your heart!!!!


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 05 Aug 10 - 07:59 PM

There ain't nothing in my heart! I mean, yeah, there is, but not what you think. There's blood and ventricles and stuff like that, sure, but there's more than erythrocytes and platelets and stuff. My heart is pure because my mind is foul or something.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Eiseley
Date: 05 Aug 10 - 11:32 PM

That reminds me of a fairy tale.

Hey MOM, today I did an SQL query and found a way to remove phantom holds from people's cards! I found some that had been there since 2003. I excused your fine, also. Did you realize you had checked in 36844 books, all one day late?

Eiseley


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 05 Aug 10 - 11:43 PM

WOW! I love those library tech stories. We have a couple of folks in my library who write programs that solve long-standing problems and it's like they worked miracles!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 05 Aug 10 - 11:53 PM

Do you realize that that "giant" was my great-great Uncle George? And that the entire story is a parable about bad people killing good people (like Uncle George) by squeezing the Love out of their hearts? Ubi caritas, you know.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 06 Aug 10 - 10:32 AM

Speaking of Giants getting squeezed, OCLC is fending off a lawsuit. I saw an announcement they sent out this week. They call the suit "frivolous" or some other equally dismissive term. I hope they're right.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 06 Aug 10 - 10:42 AM

Yeah, well, OCLC will probably do the usual and suck them up. They did it with so many others, and now they are FINALLY getting around to developing their SECOND ILS. In fact, the original, 1971, goals for OCLC was to help libraries save money by automating whatever could be automated. Then in 1976 the Ohioans governing OCLC passed a really rotten document allowing OCLC to "go national" and have the Board of Trustees appoint their own successors. Fred Kilgour said, "As long as I'm with OCLC Ohio has a friend" and then Fred left....

I know; I was there. The vote to "go national" in governance was nearly unanimous -- there were three nays and one abstention -- even with the flaws in the proposed by-laws.

Were OCLC a profit-making organization instead of a 501(c)3 it would be the largest library-oriented corporation in the world. It is now, but it's non-profit....

Want the dirt on the Seventies? There's a box in my house that contains materials OCLC tossed years and years ago; my wife was on the Board of Trustees and I was on the Ad Hoc Committee on Interlibrary Loan...among other things we did back then.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 06 Aug 10 - 11:38 AM

When libraries went soft and scared
He was there!
When politicians took their shares,
He was there!
He knows how come the fiscal hurt,
He knows just who has lots of dirt,
He keeps the printouts in his yurt,
He was there,
He's Rapaire.

When politics went soft on crime,
He was there.
And forced staff into overtime,
He was there.
He knows how giant systems grew
And traded votes for what they knew,
And pulled the strings on you-know-who,
He was there!
He's Rapaire.

No slimy deal escaped his view
He was there!
No scurrilous deal for a buck or two,
He was there!
When budget cuts our woes defined,
And inside pockets were well-lined
With skimmed off payments, all refined
He was there!
He's Rapaire.

He knows the folks who cooked the books,
He was there!
He knows the good guys, and the crooks,
He was there!
He sees the slime behind each woe
That lays the laid off staffers low,
And no-one's quite as in the know!
He was there!
He's Rapaire!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Eiseley
Date: 06 Aug 10 - 12:45 PM

Here's the OCLC article.

Now I'm all confused. Do we arrange a Shivaree for Rapaire or find a used Corvair for Rapaire?

Eiseley


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 06 Aug 10 - 03:10 PM

Ahmoss is just being difficult. As usual.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 06 Aug 10 - 03:41 PM

Well, I didn't think I was. I was just proud of how much inside dope you had!!

But unless your marriage plans have changed dramatically I see no grounds for Shivaree.

I suppose if you wanted to hunt down a used Corvair, you could, and maybe use its parts to perform the Shivaree, if you had to--they were loud knockers when aged, and if you take the fenders off and bang 'em together, and have someone do the same with the headlights while running the clunker at appropriate RPMs, and add a few nail holes in the muffler, why, you'd have one helluva Shivaree!


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 06 Aug 10 - 04:10 PM

Why is it that no one of any real importance ever posts on this thread?

(Till now, I mean...)

Why am I even here? ;-)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 06 Aug 10 - 04:21 PM

You ingrate!! You useless jadrool!! You insensitive, wretched, misbegotten half-assed excuse for a psychic presence!! Do you have ANY idea how much sheer effort has gone into keeping Mom's place alive and interesting so that you would feel welcome and exhilarated whenever you made up you precious mind to come back from Cuba or whatever other commie nest you had gone gallivanting off to!!!??


Really, I am very glad you're back, but why don't you go back out and try that entrance again? Before Mom wakes up?


A


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