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BS: The Mother of all BS threads

Amos 20 Nov 10 - 04:44 PM
Donuel 20 Nov 10 - 05:03 PM
Little Hawk 20 Nov 10 - 05:23 PM
Amos 20 Nov 10 - 05:45 PM
Little Hawk 20 Nov 10 - 06:21 PM
Acme 20 Nov 10 - 07:01 PM
GUEST,Rapparee 20 Nov 10 - 11:18 PM
Little Hawk 21 Nov 10 - 01:24 AM
Amos 21 Nov 10 - 11:01 AM
GUEST,Rapparee 21 Nov 10 - 11:09 AM
Acme 21 Nov 10 - 11:30 AM
GUEST,Albert Schweitzer 21 Nov 10 - 03:11 PM
GUEST,Albert Einstein 21 Nov 10 - 03:12 PM
Amos 21 Nov 10 - 03:47 PM
Acme 21 Nov 10 - 05:05 PM
Eiseley 21 Nov 10 - 05:59 PM
Rapparee 21 Nov 10 - 10:01 PM
Rapparee 22 Nov 10 - 10:13 AM
Acme 22 Nov 10 - 11:49 AM
Amos 22 Nov 10 - 12:06 PM
Little Hawk 22 Nov 10 - 12:31 PM
MMario 22 Nov 10 - 02:16 PM
gnu 22 Nov 10 - 02:28 PM
Little Hawk 22 Nov 10 - 03:01 PM
Amos 22 Nov 10 - 03:14 PM
gnu 22 Nov 10 - 03:34 PM
Acme 22 Nov 10 - 05:05 PM
Little Hawk 22 Nov 10 - 06:00 PM
Rapparee 22 Nov 10 - 11:44 PM
Amos 23 Nov 10 - 04:22 AM
Eiseley 23 Nov 10 - 09:42 AM
Rapparee 23 Nov 10 - 10:33 AM
Acme 23 Nov 10 - 10:55 AM
Acme 23 Nov 10 - 11:03 AM
Amos 23 Nov 10 - 11:06 AM
Amos 23 Nov 10 - 12:42 PM
Eiseley 23 Nov 10 - 01:38 PM
Acme 23 Nov 10 - 08:06 PM
gnu 23 Nov 10 - 08:30 PM
Amos 23 Nov 10 - 08:40 PM
Rapparee 23 Nov 10 - 10:38 PM
Amos 23 Nov 10 - 11:11 PM
Acme 23 Nov 10 - 11:47 PM
Janie 24 Nov 10 - 12:00 AM
Rapparee 24 Nov 10 - 11:10 AM
Rapparee 24 Nov 10 - 11:12 AM
Acme 24 Nov 10 - 11:26 AM
GUEST,Eiseley 24 Nov 10 - 04:41 PM
Amos 24 Nov 10 - 06:44 PM
Rapparee 24 Nov 10 - 06:58 PM
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 20 Nov 10 - 04:44 PM

Or a bowl of fruit and nuts...


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Donuel
Date: 20 Nov 10 - 05:03 PM

I have always heard that one should not eat or drink grapefruit in asociation with pharmaceuticles. It has somthing to do with removeing a protective layer in the intestine or it has an enzyme that multiplies the effect of the drugs, possibly making you overdose.

Although it wasn't my intention, allt his talk about grapefruit reminded me we have some so I figuring it would only help with the meditation contest to win a yacht...anyway I had several grapefruits.

Regarding the rumors of intensifying the effects of medication I would have to give it a terrifying yes.
The pharmatesticles I took were libitor and Sanscreet and am holding on for dear life as


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 20 Nov 10 - 05:23 PM

LOL!!! I think we've lost him, folks...

Well, I can eat all the grapefruits I want, because I don't take any pharmaceuticals, aside from the occasional aspirin.

Amos, I cannot take you up on your generous offer, because I very much doubt that I have in fact won a yacht. I think they were scamming me and the "yacht" was the bait. They only needed me to pay a $1500 tax and delivery charge before shipping it here. Such nice people! I put them off, saying I just don't have room for another yacht at the moment. I did, however, take the liberty of calling them back and I advised them to get in touch with you instead and gave them your number. You will probably be hearing from them shortly, and will be very excited when they tell you that YOU have won the yacht! Good luck with that, eh? They usually call about 3 times a day, and always at suppertime.

The mystery of the missing grapefruit has been solved, by the way. Chongo ate it.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 20 Nov 10 - 05:45 PM

Well, no problem then. You can just imagine being inside of a grapefruit inside of a chimpanzee; you should feel right at home.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 20 Nov 10 - 06:21 PM

Ha! You think I can't do it?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 20 Nov 10 - 07:01 PM

Personally, I think I'd feel a little bilious if I spent much time imagining being inside Chongo, let alone with an accompanying grapefruit.

I ate a beautiful shiny mandarin orange a few minutes ago and it reminded me of Chongo. It was quite seedy.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Rapparee
Date: 20 Nov 10 - 11:18 PM

Hi Mom! I'm back! They shot 3 deer and we caught no fish. I just thought you'd like to know. We also didn't get any grapefruit, but the spatulas were spectacular.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 21 Nov 10 - 01:24 AM

I have an antique left-handed spatula here, a rare item, but better than that, it's the one that Errol Flynn used to spank Tallulah Bankhead with...at her request, I understand. It seems to have held up quite well, and works fine for omelets.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 21 Nov 10 - 11:01 AM

What??? You are claiming to have the actual, original Bankhead Spank Spatula? Are you sure? Does it have a certificate of provenance? It was lost at the end of the Second World War, as I recall, and there were rumours it had been smuggled to Berchtesgaden to satisfy the intense interests of a certain Schicklgruber there...


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Rapparee
Date: 21 Nov 10 - 11:09 AM

I myself have, documented, the original spatula used by Dorothy Lamour as an antenna for the first band-skipping radio transceiver.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 21 Nov 10 - 11:30 AM

Have any of you been to the Shakespeare museum in an obscure neighborhood in London? They insist that the original line in Richard III was "my kingdom for a spatula!" and have several period pieces to bolster the claim.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Albert Schweitzer
Date: 21 Nov 10 - 03:11 PM

I thought you might like to read the review of today's inaugural concert. I just streamed this in from the author's telethink site. I wish I could attach the file, but you don't have the technology to access it yet.---Al Schweitzer

Despite the surprisingly clear influences of both Igor Stravinsky and George Crumb on the theme of this morning's celebratory cantata, the piece was quintessentially Bach. His delicate and hauntingly beautiful melody, introduced by the elfin C-G-A-B in the upper rank, was tossed to the lower woodwind stops, braided into a glorious fugue by the strings, and delivered into the reverential tones of the deepest pipes as a fitting offering for God's magnificent new Schweitzer organ.

Solo soprano Jenny Lind was joined by the Etruscan prodigy, Valo, for an exultant exaltation of voice and ten-stringed lyre. Simply glorious, as we have come to expect from the Angel Choir, the chorus was neither too pious nor too full of vibrato. Instead there was a precision of pronunciation, a clarity of tone, and a blending of harmony reminiscent both of early Tibetan chant and of a Polynesian rowers' chorus. The level of performance was exceptionally high, especially in the case of the surprise appearance of the Imps' Glee after the third recitative. Accompanied by the highest and smallest pipes, these imps joined with the celestial choir in a planned discord juxtaposing the melodic Procession in the lower registers with the cacophonous keening and ululations of the exquisitely rehearsed imps. Truly it was a marriage of heaven and hell.

For his text, Bach used both William Butler Yeats' famous posthumous poem "Elegy for the Mortal World" and the Phoenician poet Oephra's epic Á'ħ [Eternity]. Truly the performance was beyond magnificent. It was sanctifying, inspiring, diabolically pleasurable, and rapturously transporting. An instantaneous re-experience of the concert is now available by telethinking the universal access number TX^/4462.

Dietrich Buxtahude


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Albert Einstein
Date: 21 Nov 10 - 03:12 PM

I don't really care for organ music. I prefer the music of the spheres.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 21 Nov 10 - 03:47 PM

What a pair of triads, really!! The Axis of Lunacy, featuring Little Hawk, Chongo and Shane versus the Axis of Self-Inflation, anchored by Rap with support from Schweitzer and Einstein figments. This is a wonderful pilot for a new, exciting kind of television--the Unreality Show--in which individuals bring their imaginary playmates to do battle with each other in teams. Who wants to bet on the Pope? Condumus Maximus, Jesus and a host of angelic trumpetists. And in THIS corner...


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 21 Nov 10 - 05:05 PM

Ah, Buxtahude! Good to hear from you!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Eiseley
Date: 21 Nov 10 - 05:59 PM

Ha ha ha, Herr Schweitzer, that was good.

I'm making chicken curry for dinner. I'd be honored if any of my "siblings" would care to join me, even virtually.

Eiseley


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 21 Nov 10 - 10:01 PM

Da wuchs im Niederlande eines edeln Königs Kind,
Siegmund hieß sein Vater, die Mutter Siegelind,
In einer mächtgen Veste, weithin wohlbekannt,
Unten am Rheine, Xanten war sie genannt.

Ich sag euch von dem Degen, wie so schön er ward.
Er war vor allen Schanden immer wohl bewahrt.
Stark und hohes Namens ward bald der kühne Mann:
Hei! was er großer Ehren auf dieser Erde gewann!

Siegfried ward geheißen der edle Degen gut.
Er erprobte viel der Recken in hochbeherztem Muth.
Seine Stärke führt' ihn in manches fremde Land:
Hei! was er schneller Degen bei den Burgunden fand!

Bevor der kühne Degen voll erwuchs zum Mann,
Da hatt er solche Wunder mit seiner Hand gethan,
Davon man immer wieder singen mag und sagen;
Wir müßen viel verschweigen von ihm in heutigen Tagen.

In seinen besten Zeiten, bei seinen jungen Tagen
Mochte man viel Wunder von Siegfrieden sagen,
Wie Ehr an ihm erblühte und wie schön er war zu schaun:
Drum dachten sein in Minne viel der waidlichen Fraun.

Man erzog ihn mit dem Fleiße, wie ihm geziemend war;
Was ihm Zucht und Sitte der eigne Sinn gebar!
Das ward noch eine Zierde für seines Vaters Land,
Daß man zu allen Dingen ihn so recht herrlich fand.

Er war nun so erwachsen, mit an den Hof zu gehn.
Die Leute sahn ihn gerne; viel Fraun und Mädchen schön
Wünschten wohl, er käme dahin doch immerdar;
Hold waren ihm gar viele, des ward der Degen wohl gewahr.

Selten ohne Hüter man reiten ließ das Kind.
Nun war er in der Stärke, daß er wohl Waffen trug:
Wes er dazu bedurfte, des gab man ihm genug.
Schon sann er zu werben um manches schöne Kind;
Die hätten wohl mit Ehren den schönen Siegfried geminnt.

Da ließ sein Vater Siegmund kund thun seinem Lehn,
Mit lieben Freunden woll er ein Hofgelag begehn.
Da brachte man die Märe in andrer Könge Land.
Den Heimischen und Gästen gab er Ross und Gewand.

Wen man finden mochte, der nach der Eltern Art
Ritter werden sollte, die edeln Knappen zart
Lud man nach dem Lande zu der Lustbarkeit,
Wo sie das Schwert empfiengen mit Siegfried zu gleicher Zeit.



Amos, old chap -- I've pretty much been out of the computer circuit today. Ich bien Herr Doktors Einstein und Schweitzer nicht.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 22 Nov 10 - 10:13 AM

Ah, Mom! I reach out to you from the Wilderness of West Central Illinois to help you reclaim your rightful place in the hierarchy. I notice that the extract from the Nibelungenlied that I posted has thrown Amos into the utmost confusion, but Eiseley PMed me that SHE had no problem with it. Neither has Schweitzer, Einstein, Liebscheiss, Stilly, LH, Bee-Dubya, Khandu, MMario or any other semi-literate, semi-educated, person. Not even Bobert or gnu!

It just goes to show that ALMOST anyone can read Middle High German, doesn't it?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 22 Nov 10 - 11:49 AM

Are you going to hunt the bird for the table on Thursday, Rap? There must be a few wild turkeys around your neck of the woods.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 22 Nov 10 - 12:06 PM

Used to be, but since he reached retirement, he has calmed down somewhat.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 22 Nov 10 - 12:31 PM

Amos has been in the utmost confusion for years, Rapparee. I hardly think than posting lengthy excerpts from the Nibelungenlied would make matters any worse.

His idea for an Unreality TV show, however, is a brilliant one. Chongo and Shane and a host of other mental creations of mine stand ready to rush into the breach and contribute their considerable talents toward realizing this worthy concept.

I can still recall the incredible steel cage match where Amos and his parakeet took on William Shatner and a Hillary Clinton inflatable doll and Osama's goat in a free-for-all battle to the finish! The goat, Esmeralda, finally won the match after Hillary exploded and Amos and Shatner and the parakeet were rendered mutually hors de combat. It was unforgettable! A film of that match should definitely be shown to give historical context to the proposed TV show.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 22 Nov 10 - 02:16 PM

Only twenty-five posts to 48,500!

Only 33 days to Christmas!

ONly 4 days until Queen Victoria visits Skaneateles!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 22 Nov 10 - 02:28 PM

"... semi-literate, semi-educated, person. Not even Bobert or gnu!"

I'll have you know I am good edjamacated, litterally. I are a injuneer with four and a haff majers (in five years) AND a Masterbaters degree in yer transportation planing and inguneering and I am publicated. I have dezined everything from shithouses to wherehouses to docks to airports and I got near $300M of constructin in my kuriculum veeteh.

And, I can shoot rings around you with my commie over and under 12 what's got the stock grip bound with duct tape on accounta it got cracked cuz it was in the scabbard when the wind pushed my 3wheeler sideways in the big beaver dam and I tangled in the alders just before I made it to shore. I shot so many birch with that there gun, the bead's wore out me zon... even with a cracked stock. I don't need no semis.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 22 Nov 10 - 03:01 PM

Yeah, but are you as well edjamacted as Shane or Dale?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 22 Nov 10 - 03:14 PM

It is to laugh, to scorn, to mock, to pity, to disdain. Rapparee's dedication to the fine art of looking superior while saying nothing has reached new heights. Clearly, his imaginary Axis of Self-Inflation will be a major challenge for Little Hawk's Axis of Delusion. But take warning, Rapparee--even if you win, Little Hawk will remember only the parts that suit his fancy and attempt to subjugate the entire historical record into the sorry pottage of his imaginings. Such is life. And so it goes. Whatchagawndo?



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 22 Nov 10 - 03:34 PM

Shane? I know Kent County good ol boys ("rednecks" in yer Yankee veneercular) what is ten times more quicker as that lad.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 22 Nov 10 - 05:05 PM

The Girls (Cinnamon and Poppy) ran up to the door this morning and told me that the found MOM out wandering in the yard last night. She had that Mae West faucet cover thing and was groping around the house trying to find the faucet. The led her back to the door and nudged her into the house.

One of you boys needs to winterize by Wednesday because an arctic blast is headed MOM's way. I'll be busy cooking and I have to finish picking the garden stuff before the freeze.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 22 Nov 10 - 06:00 PM

Amos - "Little Hawk will remember only the parts that suit his fancy and attempt to subjugate the entire historical record into the sorry pottage of his imaginings."

YES! ;-D Beautifully put, my good man, that is exactly what I shall do, and with gusto! And in doing so I will be proudly emulating the actions of every politician and general who has ever spoken out publicly defending his own past actions (or lack thereof).


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 22 Nov 10 - 11:44 PM

I had a fancy part once, but I lost it in a card game up at the Legion Hovel. It had lacy bits and glitter and everything, too.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 23 Nov 10 - 04:22 AM

Oh Rapparee has lost his parts
And this sad loss has broke his heart
He'd had them fancied up with glitter
And lace around his downen-sitter.
But when he woke his parts, I fear,
Had stock and barrel disappeared.
Great sympathies we must extend
And hopes that they grow back again.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Eiseley
Date: 23 Nov 10 - 09:42 AM

SNOW DAY!!!

Eiseley


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 23 Nov 10 - 10:33 AM

As long as it's gone by Saturday. Get them folks out shoveling!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 23 Nov 10 - 10:55 AM

No way, snow day! It's going to be 80o here today. Must be some other part of MOM's domain. . .


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 23 Nov 10 - 11:03 AM

Did MOM leave the house this morning? I just checked the FedEx tracking site and found

IMPORTANT!
Inclement weather conditions at Memphis hub may cause some service delays and disruptions within the U.S. today. Learn more

So I'm here to learn more. Did she step into that spare wormhole Amos left in the back yard? Eiseley is talking about snow, and now FedEx says there is heavy weather in Memphis. Related? One would say so, when MOM comes into the picture.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 23 Nov 10 - 11:06 AM

IT was a cool morning in SOuthern California, just before sunrise. The mist had congealed on the windshield and the heater took fifteen minutes to work up a competent defrost. Now though, the sun is half up from the horizon, and the earth is warming under bright sunlight lacing a blue sky. It looks --after the miserable drizzles of the last four days--that we are getting back to normal and having another perfect day in Paradise.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 23 Nov 10 - 12:42 PM

THirty-eight four and ninety posts
(Not counting those composed by ghosts
Or written into cyberspace
By cookie loss or Mom's disgrace,
The MOAB poster stoned on shit
Who prematurely hits "Submit").
Come ten to thirty-eight and five
Five hundred more (BS derive
From life, or fear, or joy intense
Not caring which makes any sense)
And we shall stand (and slightly sway)
On the peak of Thirty Nine of Kay!

Chere Lieder Comely
Rants and Chants for the Team
Bobbles on Deadline, Surrey 2001


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Eiseley
Date: 23 Nov 10 - 01:38 PM

Another inspired composition, Amos.

Hey Mom, I skied into work today! I made much better time than the cars, and because it's getting MUCH WORSE (think, whiteout), I am even more thankful that I can glide home on skis instead of wheels.

Eiseley


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 23 Nov 10 - 08:06 PM

As long as no slithering cars smack you down, you can keep that up, Eiseley. If MOM sees you getting too close to the cars with your skis, she'll make you slow down and take the snowshoes instead, so keep your nose clean!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 23 Nov 10 - 08:30 PM

Snowshoes are okay if you got leather harness and good boots. Lampwick and moccasins suck. I have a never used pair of trad snowshoes for sale for $100. Been a dozen yuppies at the door who wanna give me $50. Yuppies are cheap.b I tell em to pay $150 for a new pair or buy the high tech yuppie ones at Crappy Tire and break their legs.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 23 Nov 10 - 08:40 PM

Oh, you old curmudgeon!!


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 23 Nov 10 - 10:38 PM

Just make sure that s**w is cleared outa there by Saturday afternoon. I haven't switched the snowblower and the lawnmower yet.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 23 Nov 10 - 11:11 PM

Slitherly slidezly
Goes our Eiseley
Smoothly on her skis
While the skies drop
Snowlies icely,
Bringing ski-less drivers
To their knees.
Oh how wisely goes
Our Eiseley
Freely skiing blithely
Slithery slidezley
On her skis
So free.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 23 Nov 10 - 11:47 PM

I have an old wooden pair of snowshoes here in Texas, where they are attractive wall hangings. And they have neoprene bindings. No crampons.

Cute, Amos. Eiseley, careful with those ski poles. You can put someone's eye out if you poke at any of those cars.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Janie
Date: 24 Nov 10 - 12:00 AM

Snow? And here I am, dithering over what to pack for 40 degree weather over Thanksgiving. - worried about frostbite!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 24 Nov 10 - 11:10 AM

Might take a minute, but you can see that it's not too bad.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 24 Nov 10 - 11:12 AM

Oh,heck. Why not?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 24 Nov 10 - 11:26 AM

Streets are a little slushy, but very pretty. Maybe Eiseley can go wave at the camera later for us to see. :)

MOM, it's that busy day before Thanksgiving. Be sure you don't slip on any dropped food like you did a couple of years ago. It was so frightening to find you sprawled out, unconscious, on the kitchen floor, the dogs having cleaned up the food evidence and curled up next to you waiting for you to wake.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Eiseley
Date: 24 Nov 10 - 04:41 PM

Whew! After a very long, slow, slick drive I'm finally in the bosom of the family. It'll all be cleared up by Saturday, probably, so the drive back should be faster and drier. There was blessedly little fighting in the car. Thank goodness for books on tape.

There's only about half as much snow here as up north---plenty for a good snowball fight, though! Bye for now, and thanks for the wonderful ski poem.

Wheeeee!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 24 Nov 10 - 06:44 PM

Rapp, I hate to break this to ya, but someone has been painting your town white. Probably one of those drunk journalists at the Idaho State Journal offices, a wicked bunch of rowdy lowlifes if ever there was one.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 24 Nov 10 - 06:58 PM

You can't trust the news anymore, Amos.


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