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BS: The Mother of all BS threads

Amos 13 Oct 13 - 11:59 PM
Acme 14 Oct 13 - 12:16 AM
gnu 14 Oct 13 - 08:00 AM
Rapparee 14 Oct 13 - 09:46 AM
Acme 14 Oct 13 - 12:30 PM
gnu 14 Oct 13 - 01:01 PM
gnu 14 Oct 13 - 07:14 PM
Amos 15 Oct 13 - 12:00 AM
Amos 15 Oct 13 - 09:44 AM
Rapparee 15 Oct 13 - 10:17 AM
Pete Jennings 15 Oct 13 - 11:09 AM
Acme 15 Oct 13 - 12:50 PM
Amos 15 Oct 13 - 01:24 PM
gnu 15 Oct 13 - 07:29 PM
Rapparee 15 Oct 13 - 08:48 PM
Acme 16 Oct 13 - 12:45 AM
gnu 16 Oct 13 - 05:27 AM
Pete Jennings 16 Oct 13 - 06:49 AM
Rapparee 16 Oct 13 - 11:06 AM
Acme 16 Oct 13 - 01:02 PM
Amos 16 Oct 13 - 02:10 PM
Rapparee 16 Oct 13 - 02:50 PM
gnu 16 Oct 13 - 05:44 PM
Acme 17 Oct 13 - 01:49 AM
Rapparee 17 Oct 13 - 07:52 AM
Acme 17 Oct 13 - 09:28 AM
Amos 17 Oct 13 - 04:12 PM
Acme 18 Oct 13 - 02:14 AM
gnu 18 Oct 13 - 08:31 AM
Pete Jennings 18 Oct 13 - 12:39 PM
Amos 18 Oct 13 - 02:09 PM
gnu 18 Oct 13 - 03:41 PM
Acme 18 Oct 13 - 06:51 PM
Rapparee 18 Oct 13 - 10:37 PM
gnu 19 Oct 13 - 05:50 AM
Amos 19 Oct 13 - 11:55 AM
Acme 19 Oct 13 - 07:39 PM
Rapparee 19 Oct 13 - 09:14 PM
gnu 20 Oct 13 - 01:19 AM
Amos 20 Oct 13 - 01:42 AM
Acme 20 Oct 13 - 02:19 AM
gnu 20 Oct 13 - 07:24 AM
Rapparee 20 Oct 13 - 07:58 AM
Acme 20 Oct 13 - 12:16 PM
Amos 20 Oct 13 - 12:50 PM
Amos 21 Oct 13 - 08:22 PM
Acme 21 Oct 13 - 08:25 PM
Rapparee 21 Oct 13 - 08:47 PM
Amos 22 Oct 13 - 12:24 AM
Rapparee 22 Oct 13 - 10:16 AM
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 13 Oct 13 - 11:59 PM

It strikes me you are seeing through a leaded glass darkly, my fire-eating friend.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 14 Oct 13 - 12:16 AM

Definitely not rose-colored glass.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 14 Oct 13 - 08:00 AM

Guest was laptopgnu but youse probably guessed that.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 14 Oct 13 - 09:46 AM

No, I never thought that. I thought it was a mean ol' troll who lived under the bridge and was now starting to infect MOAB the Pure and that I'd have to get the Idaho Legion to unlimber its limbered Ribauldequin and remove the infenestration.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 14 Oct 13 - 12:30 PM

I did the secret math and figured it out.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 14 Oct 13 - 01:01 PM

I didn't even attempt a guess.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 14 Oct 13 - 07:14 PM

BTW... here is a pic of my two shots (why waste shells?) at 100m with the top barrel (full choke 12) of my 28" vent rib o/u Baikal made by Izhevsky Mechanichesky Zavod. My baby has a cracked stock and a worn bead sight (both long stories and one involves a harrowing incident traversing a beaver dam on a 3-wheeler). 1 ounce rifled Winchester slugs.

.

Not bad, eh?

Took over 2000 ruffed grouse with that gun over about 25 years. Over 600 after I taped up the crack in the stock with duct tape. I was gonna leave it to cousin Jim with the will video sayin somethin like "Since you can't hunt or shoot worth shit, this might help." but I think I'll leave it to cousin Charley on accounta he learned what I taught him because he was not an arrogant little snot.

BTW... that there Russian gun? It beat the shit out of a Browning that would cost you around $40,000 today and a world champion skeet shooter (I was there). I paid $300, cash, no tax.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 15 Oct 13 - 12:00 AM

Eat that fire, sling that lead
Billow gunsmoke 'round yo' head
Practice power, 'nuff to slay
And live to
Try communicating
Another day...


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 15 Oct 13 - 09:44 AM

"You've heard of the witch hunts in Salem, but I'm guessing you're not as familiar with the pig-man hunts of New Haven. The most troubling sex fiends of those days weren't pedophiles (the age of consent in the colonies was ten, if that tells you anything) but men secretly in league with the Devil to impregnate barnyard animals. The fear was that the resulting malevolent offspring (called 'prodigies' -- my, how the meaning of that word has changed over time) would silently infiltrate the fledgling America and muck it all up with evil for the God-fearing folk. The settlers had gotten this strange idea from the teachings of the violently prudish medieval scholar Thomas Aquinas, who coined the term 'prodigy' to refer to any hybrid creature sprung from the loins of another species but borne of human seed. According to him, prodigies could also be conceived through sex with atheists, but it seems there were far fewer of those milling about the colonies than solicitous swine."

From Delancey Place book review.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 15 Oct 13 - 10:17 AM

Sheep? Cows? Horses? Octopi? Wolves? Bears? Panthers? Eastern Wood Buffalo? Skunks? Oxen? Cats? Dogs? Mackerel? Codfish? Coyotes? Raccoons? Beaver? Otters? Marten? Squirrels? Rabbits? Wood rats? Ticks? Hornets? Spiders? Bees? Eagles? Robins? Red-tailed hawks?

Specificity is needed here, Amos. Although I'm fairly certain I've met the offspring of a human/skunk relationship, "getting it on" with a moose would be interesting, to say the least.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Pete Jennings
Date: 15 Oct 13 - 11:09 AM

Hey, gnu, you're needed over here in lil'ol' England, Penkridge in Staffordshire to be precisional.

Yep, we got oursells a PHANTOM BREAD SPREADER!

Walks along the canal early every morning from Otherton Lock to Princefield Bridge spreading loadsa bread - about two slices every few steps. For the ducks apparently, but the shithead don't realise that the ducks are smart enough not to eat anything that ain't in the water so the bread lies there goin' mouldy and attractin' rats and gettin' ate by dogs (canal's a fave place for doggie walkin'). Trouble is, pooches ain't born to eat bread an' causes them all sortsa problems - ours has seborrhoea, another has diarrhoea - an' they're right miserable cos of it an' them vets ain't cheap.

Git your gun an' get over here pronto!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 15 Oct 13 - 12:50 PM

What a fine contribution to our thread! Thank you, Pete!

Seems someone coming along behind to kick the bread into the water is in order. Or perhaps someone armed with a golf club, would it be a wood or an iron that you would use to lift and propel something so lightweight?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 15 Oct 13 - 01:24 PM

Breadspreading is a particular problem with its own specialized requirements. One should use an elongate club with a spatulate head, preferably aluminium (The Walmart BreadSpreader) or titanium (The Brooks Borthers Bread Spreader). For those unable to afford the luxury of a manufactured product, we recommend a broomstick, a flexible spatula, and a roll of duct tape (The Duct Bread Spreader).

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 15 Oct 13 - 07:29 PM

Rap... I don't often say this but NO gnus is GOOD news.

Pete... hung up me guns ages ago. Besides, I don't shoot me no rounders what stole away my duck. (Don't bother to try to look up any lyric references to that on accounta that was on a bootleg album of a concert by Lynard Skynard... sans la canard, of course.)

Hmmmm... speakin a Lynard... I don't carry me no load. (Rap is sure to get that ref.)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 15 Oct 13 - 08:48 PM

See, I didn't hang mah guns up. I keep handy and ready to go, with a trigger lock on each and all of 'em locked up in a gun cabinet with the ammo kept apart elsewhere. So's iffen I gotta use one er more of 'em, I gotta go git the key to the gun cabinet (it's all metal), unlock the door, take out the needed shootin' ahrn, go git the key to the trigger lock, unlock it, then go git the ammunition and load up. Then I gotta put all them keys and things away an' by that time things have usually settled down from the gunfightin' stage to the let's-go-git-a-beer stage. An' that's why I ain't hung mah guns up.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 16 Oct 13 - 12:45 AM

And it finally comes back around to Spatulas!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 16 Oct 13 - 05:27 AM

Tea me.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Pete Jennings
Date: 16 Oct 13 - 06:49 AM

Dang, and here's me thinkin' you boys were carryin' heat 24/7 on the look out for bad guys. Guess I'm gonna hafta go the officous route and contact someone with a clipboard or a uniform. Mind you, the guy next door's a golfer so mebbe I can borrow me an iron an' see if it's possible to knock some sense into the PHANTOM BREADSPREADER.

Either that or I can make sure his shirt's bin properly pressed so he looks smart for the sheriff's men an' the judge.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 16 Oct 13 - 11:06 AM

Outside my backyard is a golf course. When we moved here I was all set, but my wife told me I couldn't shoot golf even if I only used a 20 gauge. Well, what she said was, "You shoot it, you eat it" and them golfs are all hard on the outside, tough to peel, stringy and stretchy on the inside, and taste like rubber. So I didn't and now the population has gone out of control and there ain't enough natural feed and sometimes a dog or a kid won't come home after a stroll on the golf course. They ain't attacked an adult yet, but I expect some of the older folks better start worrying, what with winter coming on.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 16 Oct 13 - 01:02 PM

Get the Phantom Bread Spreader to come visit you Rap and he can cast bread on troubled golfers.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 16 Oct 13 - 02:10 PM

Being attacked by lost, feral golfs can be an unsettling experience indeed. You'll notice, for example, that there are no more voles on that fairway, where once their colonies multiplied like fleas. What happened to the voles? In a word, golfs. Once the turfers and drivers and putters and cart drivers moved in, the vole's days were numbered. The multiplication of feral golfs just served as the coup de graceless. Voles and golfs do not mix, as the old saying goes. The greensward stretches out its lethal manicured turfs in a brilliant, vole-less and soulless display of nature's self-inflicted cruelty. And who mourns the vole? No vole-song is heard in the land. A grim, shadowy silence -- a vole vacuum -- is all that is heard. No more will the patter of little vole feet be heard on the prairie. The rhythmic sound of their byways has been replaced by the grim dimpled rattle of the rolling golfs and the chatter of their dribbling into cups hither and yon. Few remain who remember the quiet rhythms of the night when the vole was king, before the coming of the golfs. Fewer still care, and none sing now the ancient vole-hymn under the indifferent moon.

I weep for lost voles.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 16 Oct 13 - 02:50 PM

Yes, indeed. They have all vanished into a black vole such as exists in the center of our galaxy...and between us and it a great golf is fixed.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 16 Oct 13 - 05:44 PM

Join the revolet at www.savethefurrylittlecritters.com. Sign the petitition and, please, donate. Send cash only by snailmail to "Voles Matter", 55 Leeside Drive, Moncton, NB, Canada E1C 4L4. I'll personally see that every dollar is well used.

Say, any of youse like blues-rock (IF I can use that term???)? I found a YT vid of the late Canuck Bluesman/rock geetarman Jeff Healy today. The vid is "vintage" in a way and was an intro of sorts to Canucks (and Yanks) of Jeff's laudable talents.

Thanks Jeff. RIP.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 17 Oct 13 - 01:49 AM

He's a tad hard on that guitar near the end of that performance! Great song, fabulous blues.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 17 Oct 13 - 07:52 AM

I'm flying to DC today.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 17 Oct 13 - 09:28 AM

Are your arms getting muscular from all of this flying?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 17 Oct 13 - 04:12 PM

He's going to do it sitting down. It's the price you pay for living among the feral golfs in Flyover Country...


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 18 Oct 13 - 02:14 AM

Flying by the seat of his pants, eh?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 18 Oct 13 - 08:31 AM

Yesterday, I flew to 19 Lewis Avenue, Trenton, Ontario. It's not there. But the tree I used to walk my snakes in is. It's a bit bigger now as it is 47 years since I last saw it.

I recall one particular snake. It was a monster of a "Garter Snake". I was walking him in the tree when Mrs. Coles from the house on the other side of the ditch (still there as can be seen by the ground cover) came by with her yappy little dog and asked me what I was doing. I suppose it did look rather odd. A little boy holding a string that reached up into a tree. I replied that I was walking Smilie the 9th. She came close to have a look but couldn't see him. I pointed and she got closer but still couldn't see him so I tugged on the string. That's when she relized what she was suppose to be looking for. That poor dog. I mean, the shriek hurt my ears so he must have gotten more than an earful, not to mention the fact that she ran so fast she drug his yappy little ass half way home.

Smilie the 9th met an unfortunate end. I tethered him to the oil fill pipe next to the door steps so he could take sun or shade as he wished. Under the steps, I placed a water dish and a bucket of frogs and beetles and whatever a 6 year old thought would appease the palette of a snake of Nine's stature. Yes, stature. Even the big kids from as far away as across the field, when hearing of his size, would come to see him. I like to think he enjoyed all the attention. Alas, I recall the fateful day when my father first saw him. I was coming across the field at lunchtime and saw Dad just about to enter the house. He spotted Nine basking in the sunshine whereupon he dismounted from the landing using the railing and made a perfect plant. He saw the string. He raised it up. I screamed and cried. At least Nine died quickly.

I was subsequently forbidden to keep snakes near the house as, "They might scare your mother." He didn't have to say that as I was scared for the snakes and kept the next 17 well out of sight, especially Smilie the 21st. He was a Hog Nose Snake about four feet long. Only kept him a few days. When a bunch of kids would come to see him, he would play dead and he smelled really bad. But, he was cool. Looked like a cobra. When he refused to eat, I took him back to the dump. I guess he preferred rats to frogs.

Thanks for reminding me of all the Smiles, Google Earth.

Hmmm. Ontario. That reminds me? where is LH?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Pete Jennings
Date: 18 Oct 13 - 12:39 PM

Council in the guise of a Public Health Enforcement Officer sez the early morning activities of the PHANTOM BREAD SPREADER don' constitute littering so it's SFA to do with him.

Excuse me? It ain't feeding the ducks cos they ain't feeding on it, so WTF is it if it ain't littering? Sowin' bread trees?

LH and Chongo have bin gone a while. Think they've eloped?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 18 Oct 13 - 02:09 PM

Pete:

There is an automated battery driven version of the Brooks Brothers Bread Spreader on the market now, under the label of The Brookstone Breader. It has a chip i it that smells decaying bread and deploys a titanium spatula to scoop it up, and stuff it into an odor-proof plastic baggie--all mounted on a 24-volt RC chassis so you can sit on your duff steering it around from clump to clump. Take up a collection--it's only $2734 US -- and your bread-spread problems will be over.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 18 Oct 13 - 03:41 PM

"Thanks for reminding me of all the Smiles, Google Earth."

Hehee! Freudian snake there. Tho, there were a lot of smiles with my Smilies. Just got another. A wee boy naming a snake Smilie! Heheheee!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 18 Oct 13 - 06:51 PM

The toads in the yard (there are many, lots of small and several very large) are used to the dogs, and the dogs leave them alone. Apparently toads taste bad. Some of you may recall that I've posted photos of one fellow who used the dog water pan as a toad spa this summer. After about the third evening in one week that I found him in the water I realized it not only wasn't an accident and he was in no danger, he was actually climbing into the pan of water on purpose, to enjoy it, and made a very leisurely exit when he did leave.

That's my reptile story for now.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 18 Oct 13 - 10:37 PM

Went to the Archives today and found information that will help a sailor get Agent Orange benefits, I hope.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 19 Oct 13 - 05:50 AM

Toads are good. For your environment, I mean.

Rap... good on ya!

BTW, if anyone comes across local news about any gas fracking problems, pass em along to me, please. I'd appreciate it and I'll post it on my Facebook group page "Frack".


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 19 Oct 13 - 11:55 AM

I run into gas fracking problems when I eat too much ice cream. Not lately, though....


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 19 Oct 13 - 07:39 PM

It must be a very large page, gnu! Those fracking drillers are all over the country!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 19 Oct 13 - 09:14 PM

I've had trouble with frackin' gas but Tums usually clears it up.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 20 Oct 13 - 01:19 AM

It's gettin to be far too large, SRS. Got some members who are hell bent, even when warned for near a week to knock that shit off, posting several times a day about the big do just up the road from me which is not mu group's purpose and even triple posting the same links in line with my group's purpose. Sigh. On Monday, I clean house.
There is some good info (hundreds of links) but it's gettin "clouded".


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 20 Oct 13 - 01:42 AM

I just dropped Charley Noble and wife Judith Barrows off at their hotel after a loverly evening swapping songs and sipping vino rojo. Good times. Bill Dempsey, a highly talented man, came down from Orange County and joined us. Jolly fine times! G'night, y'all!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 20 Oct 13 - 02:19 AM

So the folks you missed on your big trip are now headed out to visit you at your house? How did you manage scheduling all of those east coast mudcatters?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 20 Oct 13 - 07:24 AM

Ahhh, the life of celebrity!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 20 Oct 13 - 07:58 AM

It's okay, gnu. It's okay. Don't fret, unless you play something with frets and then do fret. All will be well. The US Congress assured me of that.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 20 Oct 13 - 12:16 PM

Ah, congress! One of our favorite things, when it isn't capital C.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 20 Oct 13 - 12:50 PM

Nothing beats good congress, I concur. Charley did all the scheduling, actually--I just facilitated. We laid on some good snacks and sat around swapping salty numbers.

The call of far-off places subsides, but is never silenced. I am thinking a motor-van would be a nice idea, putting my way across the West, back to the East. For now, the call is muted by the clatter of normal days and tasks, things that call for endurance and regular times.

But when I dream, it is of far away places, where the hills are green, the trees are deciduous, where the Gulf Stream lurks just over the horizon, and all the small rivers of the land strive to answer her silent call.

Just now, though, I must go to CostCo and fill the car, and take the dog for a romp.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 21 Oct 13 - 08:22 PM

How now? The Mother's laid alow?
The daftest things in life go past
And her sons sleep down below!
They're doping through the off-watch,
And thwir shirking when they're on,
ANd the Mother swings across the wind
And jobes with every blow.
It ain't at all becoming
Nor seamanlike, I guess,
To slop the lines and slack the yards
On the mother of All BS.
It's a sign of sloppy seamanship
And sinful sloth, I vow
To let the Mother rollick so
While the watch sleeps down below.
So grab that hemp rope starter, mate
And lay onto Rapparee
And I'll go blow the foghorn
In Stilly's ear for free
And you go kick yon Little Hawk
Who missed his wheel again,
And we shall bring her back on course
And set he back in trim.
For the BS track is a long, long track
And it's hard, I do confess,
But nothing a-sea can justify
The slacking of BS!

Milford Togallant Focslupp III
Rambles from FOrard
Salte Soggy Bottomes Press
Whiskers on Planks
1918


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 21 Oct 13 - 08:25 PM

Good save, Amos! I was just leaning over and reaching down below the water to grab MOM's hand when you propelled her to the top.

WHOOSH!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 21 Oct 13 - 08:47 PM

I spent the day in Williamsburg, VA, assisting the local hangman in giving piratical wretches brought here from Teach's crew a lesson in the Hempen Jig. They shall go no more a-roving, and I do hope that the Governor of Northern Carolina Colony can also be brought to the King's justice for his part in this abomination. Teach himself came here a head.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 22 Oct 13 - 12:24 AM

Fractured, tortured, misshapen BS is still better than none at all.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 22 Oct 13 - 10:16 AM

If you elect not to visit my little old sod shanty on the claim then I must take my fun where I can find it, Amos. If that means helping an inept hangman, well then, so be it.


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