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BS: The Mother of all BS threads

Tweed 05 Oct 04 - 08:51 AM
Amos 04 Oct 04 - 11:27 PM
Acme 04 Oct 04 - 11:16 PM
Rapparee 04 Oct 04 - 09:20 PM
CarolC 04 Oct 04 - 08:37 PM
Rustic Rebel 04 Oct 04 - 08:21 PM
MMario 04 Oct 04 - 01:50 PM
GUEST,TweedwhoisasloKhanduonceinawhile 04 Oct 04 - 01:44 PM
Rapparee 04 Oct 04 - 01:33 PM
MMario 04 Oct 04 - 01:29 PM
CarolC 04 Oct 04 - 01:18 PM
MMario 04 Oct 04 - 01:15 PM
CarolC 04 Oct 04 - 01:11 PM
Ima Gittin' 04 Oct 04 - 11:03 AM
Ima Gittin' 04 Oct 04 - 10:57 AM
Amos 04 Oct 04 - 10:56 AM
Rapparee 04 Oct 04 - 10:49 AM
MMario 04 Oct 04 - 09:10 AM
Amos 04 Oct 04 - 08:50 AM
Rapparee 04 Oct 04 - 08:08 AM
Amos 03 Oct 04 - 10:13 PM
Ima Gittin' 03 Oct 04 - 08:50 PM
Rapparee 03 Oct 04 - 08:15 PM
Ima Gittin' 03 Oct 04 - 08:01 PM
Ima Gittin' 03 Oct 04 - 07:56 PM
Rapparee 03 Oct 04 - 06:31 PM
Ima Gittin' 03 Oct 04 - 05:05 PM
Amos 03 Oct 04 - 12:09 PM
Rapparee 03 Oct 04 - 09:55 AM
Rustic Rebel 03 Oct 04 - 02:59 AM
Rapparee 02 Oct 04 - 09:56 AM
Acme 01 Oct 04 - 06:50 PM
Amos 01 Oct 04 - 04:40 PM
MMario 01 Oct 04 - 03:59 PM
Amos 01 Oct 04 - 03:47 PM
Rapparee 01 Oct 04 - 11:39 AM
Amos 01 Oct 04 - 10:53 AM
Rapparee 01 Oct 04 - 09:13 AM
Rapparee 30 Sep 04 - 05:17 PM
Amos 30 Sep 04 - 01:54 PM
MMario 30 Sep 04 - 01:21 PM
Amos 30 Sep 04 - 01:20 PM
Rapparee 30 Sep 04 - 01:14 PM
Amos 30 Sep 04 - 09:27 AM
MMario 30 Sep 04 - 09:01 AM
Rapparee 30 Sep 04 - 08:45 AM
Amos 29 Sep 04 - 06:56 PM
Rapparee 29 Sep 04 - 06:31 PM
CarolC 29 Sep 04 - 05:21 PM
Amos 29 Sep 04 - 04:56 PM
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Tweed
Date: 05 Oct 04 - 08:51 AM

I'll bring my accordeen CarolC, but ony fore the accordeen-optional end obv yore beach. I won't be spending a whole lot obv time there az Rustic will no doubt be on the nekked-only end obv the universt and that's whar I'll be headed. I am headed out to the Dollar Store to stock up on sunblock, and sterno! Yowzah!

Tweed


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 04 Oct 04 - 11:27 PM

SRS has struck the keynote of the issue.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 04 Oct 04 - 11:16 PM

That would be each accordion to his own taste, Rapaire.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 04 Oct 04 - 09:20 PM

That's what we used to say in college: "Hey, hey, hey! Look at HER accordions!"


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: CarolC
Date: 04 Oct 04 - 08:37 PM

Don't forget to bring your accordions.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rustic Rebel
Date: 04 Oct 04 - 08:21 PM

Rapaire, Should I take it that you believe in me as being a microcosm? I am honored and pleased to represent the whole universe as my home. I will not let you down. I will remain forever spacey and a little out there.

Maybe we should get a boat down there to save the Kings Tweedkandu, ride it on up to that nekkid beach of the Queens.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 04 Oct 04 - 01:50 PM

wow! sail driven submarines - boy - and they say Milatary intelligence is an oxymoron!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,TweedwhoisasloKhanduonceinawhile
Date: 04 Oct 04 - 01:44 PM

HAW and HOOOOEEEE!! Well...I zm convinsed thet it iz time to relocate to wharever CarolC's nude beach is being set up! Who would habv thought it, nekkid accordeenettes in Idanoe? ;~) The Grate Sandbar obv Florida is all but eroded, time to sekout higher ground and more better Nextel antenners. These is all blowed down but one set obv rabbit ears they had stuck out in a cane field sumwhars in BelleGlade.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 04 Oct 04 - 01:33 PM

Well, now that the MIBs will be visiting MMario, remember that you did NOT learn this from me.

You might get some inkling of what is going on by looking here and, of course, what we call "The Zipper."

Please, though, remember this song:

CHO: Whatever you say, say nothing when you talk about you-know-what.
For if you-know-who should hear ya, you know what you'd get
They take you all to you-know-where for you-wouldn't-know-how-long,
So for you-know-whose sake don't let anyone hear you singing this song.

You all know what I'm speaking of when I mention you-know-what,
And I fear it's very dangerous to even mention that.
For the other ones are always near, although you may not see,
And if anyone asks who told you that, please don't mention me. CHO.

You all know who I'm speaking of, when I mention you-know-who,
For if you-know-who should hear you, you know what he'd do.
So if you don't see me again, you'll know why I'm away,
And if anyone asks you where I've gone, here's what you must say: CHO.

Wel,l that's enough about so-and-so, not to mention such-and-such,
And I better end my song now. I've already said too much.
Well, the less you say, the less you hear, and the less you'll go astray,
And the less you think, the less you do, and the more you'll hear them say: CHO.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 04 Oct 04 - 01:29 PM

of course I'm wrong sometimes - there was the day I spent an hour talking with your sister instead of watching a show I promised an actress I would be at...(and I paid for that for five years!)

but this time I'm pretty sure I'm right - I got my information off a placemat in a truckstop on route 81. It also said that royal jelly will help me live to be 150 years old.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: CarolC
Date: 04 Oct 04 - 01:18 PM

Of course not, MMario. You're never wrong. I guess it's time to start buying up some beachfront property in Idaho then?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 04 Oct 04 - 01:15 PM

CarolC - I believe Rapaire is part of the super-sekret operation that is the government counter-offensive to the Dutch/Manatee conspiracy - most of their operatives have been relocated to Idaho - as it will become the shoreline (and thus neatly located for Naval operations) once the world conspiracy to raise ocean levels is complete.

of course there is a very faint possibility I am wrong.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: CarolC
Date: 04 Oct 04 - 01:11 PM

well, let's just say that I was requested by the US Navy to move to Idaho as a matter of national security

They were that desperate to get you as far as possible away from their ships? What on earth did you do do them?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Ima Gittin'
Date: 04 Oct 04 - 11:03 AM

G'mornin' Rapaire. Glad t' see yer in fine form this a.m.
Pleased t' meet ya Amos. Thanks fer the ad-vice. ;~)
Well After much diggin' & rootin' about I found the profile page.
So I sent somethin' in 'bout me & mine.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Ima Gittin'
Date: 04 Oct 04 - 10:57 AM

Moo?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 04 Oct 04 - 10:56 AM

Mooooom!!!


Rapaire's talking to the cows again!!

Make him quit!!


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 04 Oct 04 - 10:49 AM

I've never read Louis L'Amour. Or Zane Grey. Or any of them guys. I'm learning this stuff the REALL way, by getting down and dirty with the folks who use this information every day and don't want it lost to Godless Commie Terrorist Pinko Facist Capitalist Revolutionaries, who will undoubtedly use it to destroy Our American Way Of Life And Our Manifest Destiny.

Yes, I'm talking about, and to













wait, I'm not allowed to tell you who I'm talking to. Sorry.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 04 Oct 04 - 09:10 AM

Once Upon a workday weary; brain a founder'd, eyes so bleary
As on my desk phones rang both loud and shrill
While I snored successfully napping, suyddenly there came a squelching
As if someone loudly belching, belching at my info port.
'Tis some spam that comes a sqeullching, belching to my info port
Only spam and nothing more.

I remember (almost sober), it was early in October
as each thread crossed upon my screen
Eagerly I sought the MOAB, for the thoughts I didn't know-ab
-normal thoughts from other brains, thoughts deserving of the drain
discarded or tossed as spam they should remain;
only MOAB ever cares.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 04 Oct 04 - 08:50 AM

Re-reading Louis L'Amour, are we, then?


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 04 Oct 04 - 08:08 AM

Hey, they found my heart. It was right there all along, right next to and slightly southeast of my gizzard.

And my mautical abilities make Amos puke with jealousy! The facts that I can tack off a lee shore or cross the T or haul the running tackle or spot a whale (hint: use spray paint) and do all those sailor-type things ...well, let's just say that I was requested by the US Navy to move to Idaho as a matter of national security.

But recently I've been studying stuff even more secret, more important to America. I can't talk about it, but I can give you a few hints if you promise to burn this message before you read it: I know the difference between a header and a heeler, how to tie a hondo, how to use a running iron (very, very secret!), and how to tell latigo from nylon!

But if I hinted any more stuff the MIBs would come around your place in black helicopters and spray you with stuff that makes you forget everything you know or thought you know. You wouldn't want that -- learning to feed yourself or walk again is such a drag, what with the comments in the bars and all.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 03 Oct 04 - 10:13 PM

Ima:

Don't mind Rapaire. He likes to pretend he is a boat captain, using all sorts of nautical flares in his talk, but you will notice he misutilizes the vocabulary rather bumptiously. He's just grumpy because he really WANTS to run a destroyer, or perhaps a schooner full of China silks, and what he is running is a building full of books. Very frustrating, and it makes him pushy but he don't mean nuthin' by it and he is really a good sort at heart. You just have to find it! :)

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Ima Gittin'
Date: 03 Oct 04 - 08:50 PM

Aye! Avast!....Yessirreeabubbagumpin' .....you betcha!I knew you wuz in Idyho...I seen the blow'd up chick'n post. Glad t' hear ya wuznt hurt in th' feather fallout. Dang messy affair,that.
I appreciate the hep wi' th' other shippmates...Ida figgered it out soon n' later I spoze.But Ima gittin'on over t' profiles now & poke around a bit.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 03 Oct 04 - 08:15 PM

Heck's fahr, Ima, I'm out here in Idaho and Amos is in [shudder] southern California. SRS is in Texas, Khandu and Tweed (who are one and the same, only different) are somewhere in Memphis or Alabama or Mississippi or some such place, Bobert is in West by God Virginny, RR is someplace in the Universe, CarolC is in Alabama (I think it is), Liz the Squeak is in London, Sorcha's in Wyoming, Kendall is in Maine, Deckman is in Seattle, McGrath is in -- dadgum it, look 'em up for your own self. They're in the Profiles section, and you should be too. Ya expect me ta do yer work fer ya?

Now git down there and avast the scuppers!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Ima Gittin'
Date: 03 Oct 04 - 08:01 PM

Sorry 'bout the time differnce...I'ma up here,Yankee way.....Wisconsin. Ya'll are an hour 'head a me. Dang time line thingy. Transplanted from Floriddy way....some time ago. But have my Mommy & baby Sis still there.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Ima Gittin'
Date: 03 Oct 04 - 07:56 PM

confuse THEM????
ok.....here we go.

Climbin' the plank...
Salootin' the dog...
Poopin'.....er...hoisten' the Miz Keelhaul....
peelin' the head rats ...
jibberin' the bilgepump.....
and the attendant can do fer hisself!
Did I miss anathin'..?

*shoo* Glad to aboard!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 03 Oct 04 - 06:31 PM

Sure, Ima, climb on up the gangplank, salute the poop deck, pet the ship's dog, molest the cabin attendant (and don't confuse them!), slide down a halyard, keelhaul the bilge rats, pump out the head, hoist the mainbrace, mizzen the jib, and make yerself at home.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Ima Gittin'
Date: 03 Oct 04 - 05:05 PM

Hello. Can I join ya'll?
I've just come in, from without.
I'm not from Downstairs,nor up.
Just glad to be where I am...and not inside out.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 03 Oct 04 - 12:09 PM

Some folks believe all truth
Comes from within
Others say all truth
Comes from Downstairs.
Upstairs and Downstairs are in the same house
Both are as true as air.
But Downstairs is a little more real, I think.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 03 Oct 04 - 09:55 AM

Oh, my sentiments exactly!

Downstairs is where the servants plot the revolution. Downstairs is where they piss in the soup they serve Upstairs. Downstairs guzzles beer and whiskey (or whisky) while Upstairs sips sherry. Downstairs has life while Upstairs has animation. Eventually, Downstairs hangs Upstairs from the lamp post and becomes Upstairs and the whole thing starts all over again.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rustic Rebel
Date: 03 Oct 04 - 02:59 AM

Just before I took a walk downstairs today
I thought what a frivilous way to start up a day.
Thinking I was going to play the accordian
and knowing that I was the only one to hear me (thank the lordian)
Downstairs
The place where the other people hang out.
Downstairs.
Is where I am not.
Downstairs
is a whole other life to be
Downstairs is where they are all up to plot...
ing against injustice... what the fuck is up
corruption.
Who the fuck is bought
Religion
and who says it's the way
Politician
you cannot have your way
Television
believe and you will stray
mortician
it may be a job.
Artist
that could be the other way
to say what you need to say and today is your day to say the thing that you need to say
Fall first and heal up later
bleed now and feel the warmth of the warmth of the warmth of the warm blood.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 02 Oct 04 - 09:56 AM

Being a caring, generous, sensitive type of guy, I'll share the new hurricane levels with you all.

The new categories:

Category 1: "WUSSY"

Street signs blow over, bushes and shrubs are damaged, housecats meow slightly more loudly. Planning: duct taping your shrubs, kicking the cat, and shaking your fist triumphantly at Mother Nature for throwing such a weak-ass storm at you.

Category 2: "ALARMING"

Houses moan, some of the sicker looking trees may fall over, shingles blow off, small children complain. Planning: duct tape all the sick trees you may have on your property, as well as duct taping X's on your windows. This lets the wind know not to blow the glass in. Purchase bottled water, before everyone else snaps it up.

Category 3: "DEEPLY FRIGHTENING"

Houses collapse, mobile homes cease to exist in any normal functioning sense of the word, dogs fart explosively, healthy trees surrender. Planning: duct tape everything on your property, including the dog. Buy plywood and nail it over the windows, after first duct taping X's over the glass. Purchase bottled water and bleach. This is so if it looks like you're going to die, you can add the bleach to the water and drink it.

Category 4: "OHHHHH MY GOD"

Buildings fall, cars fly through the air, walls bleed, large sea mammals are carried several miles inland, entire regions disappear completely. Planning: Cover your entire house with duct tape X's to try and fool the hurricane into thinking the whole place is a gigantic window. Nail as much wood as you can find to the outside of the duct tape. Lock yourself and your family and your farting dog in the basement with the bottled water and bleach, and maybe some canned goods, a portable generator, and a gun to ward off looters in the apocalyptic aftermath that is sure to follow.

Category 5: "HOLY SHIT"

All trace of humanity is picked up several yards into the air and converted into bite-sized pieces, the Biblical leviathan surfaces from the depths, hell rises up and swallows mankind whole. Planning: screw the duct tape. Get into the basement and make peace with your God, Whomever He, She or It may be.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 01 Oct 04 - 06:50 PM

Not only that, he confessed to eating his chocolate cake BEFORE he ate his lunch.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 01 Oct 04 - 04:40 PM

My name is Rapaire....and...and...I....I had...well...ok, I had spanikopita with my wife....in public!!!

Hiiiii, Rapaire!!!!!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 01 Oct 04 - 03:59 PM

Amos - what do you really expect from a guy who not only has spanakopita with his wife but admits it in public?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 01 Oct 04 - 03:47 PM

What?....

You're NOT!!!????

This whole thread has been a terrible mistake!! My God!!

I feel so foolish!!


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 01 Oct 04 - 11:39 AM

My mother taught me to be generous and giving and caring.

That's why I'm not rich.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 01 Oct 04 - 10:53 AM

If you had only listened to your mother, when she tried to teach you about perseverance, and doing things right, and a job well begun is half done, and a stitchin time, and doing what must be done... You could have had a dozen posts from that one resource!! But you threw it all away!

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 01 Oct 04 - 09:13 AM

Hi, Mom! I thought you'd enjoy this, which a friend sent me. I'm also too lazy to start a seperate thread about this, but you know that, don't you, Mom?

Subject: Fwd: FW: Top 9 comments made by NBC at the Olympics

1. Weightlifting commentator: "This is Gregoriava from Bulgaria. I
saw her snatch this morning during her warm up and it was amazing."

2. Dressage commentator: "This is really a lovely horse and I speak
from personal experience since I once mounted her mother."

3. Paul Hamm, Gymnast: "I owe a lot to my parents, especially my
mother and father."

4. Boxing Analyst: "Sure there have been injuries, and even some
deaths in boxing, but none of them really that serious.

5. Softball announcer: "If history repeats itself, I should think we
can expect the same thing again."

6. Basketball analyst: "He dribbles a lot and the opposition doesn't
like it. In fact you can see it all over their faces."

7. At the rowing medal ceremony: "Ah, isn't that nice, the wife of
the IOC president is hugging the cox of the British crew."

8. Soccer commentator: "Julian Dicks is everywhere. It's like they've
got eleven Dicks on the field."

9. Tennis commentator: "One of the reasons Andy is playing so well is
that, before the final round, his wife takes out his balls and kisses
them... Oh my God, what have I just said?"


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 30 Sep 04 - 05:17 PM

I had a gyro and spanakopita, in the company of my wife. Chocolate cake for dessert beforehand, too.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 30 Sep 04 - 01:54 PM

Now that we have resolved the Battle of the Abs, and handled the Salvation of Jimmy Ray Humbrew, and assured the Preservation of Virtue of the Fertilesticks' Daughter Norma, and as well graced the legacy of English literature with some really nice couplets and a deathless motto on Aboriginal Truth and such, what's for lunch?

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 30 Sep 04 - 01:21 PM

a still small voice in the quiet?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 30 Sep 04 - 01:20 PM

The best visions are realer than Real, truer than True, faster than a speeding Bullet and more powerful than a Locomotive. Look! Up in the sky!!....

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 30 Sep 04 - 01:14 PM

Ah, Amos. Have you considered that It was given to her in a vision? Most earthshaking stuff has traditionally been delivered that way.

Or maybe by a burning bush?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 30 Sep 04 - 09:27 AM

I am sure it was real to RR when she mentioned it. The TImeless Slogan reached her ears from somewhere!!


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 30 Sep 04 - 09:01 AM

oh get off it, you two! Trying to convince CarolC that "downstairs" is real? yeah - right! and bill Shatner is the idol of millions! Next you'll be trying to convince us the moon shots were real.


I mean, BS is BS - but sometimes BS is Too much!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 30 Sep 04 - 08:45 AM

No, Amos. Just guiding a chela on her way to understanding the Heart of the Lotus. I haven't tried such a tactic on a young lady in, oh, a very very long time. Years and years. Besides, she was willing and certainly looked over 18. You can't prove I did it anyway, and I was either out of town or drunk or both on that date.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 29 Sep 04 - 06:56 PM

Rapire:

You aren't trying to get laid, by any chance, are you? We gonna have to have some words, if so...

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 29 Sep 04 - 06:31 PM

Carol, that you are asking these questions is good. It shows that you are reaching out to The Infinite in your quest for self-realization. When you have achieved that, you will begin reaching out to understand The Teapot that is The Lotus that is The All. When that understanding is achieved, and very very few ever achieve it, you will have a very dim understand of Khanduwhoistweed and Tweedwhoisalsokhandu. No mortal being has ever achieved this final Understanding, but we must strive, for Striving Is All. As Camus (The Myth of Sysphus) so cogently put it, "The point is to live."


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: CarolC
Date: 29 Sep 04 - 05:21 PM

But is it a mataphorical "downstairs" or is it a real place? Is "downstairs" just a state of mind? Is it a place we can aspire to go to or, a state of being we can attain? And when is "tea time"? Is it only "tea time" when we reach "downstairs"?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 29 Sep 04 - 04:56 PM

Carol:

Downstairs is a place where you can play cornet and piasno together without knowing how.

See :
BS: The Mother of all BS threads (4722* d)


[PM] Rustic Rebel
RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
23 Sep 04
Oh Shamble me Oh shamble man, do not be discongoriginated (is that really a word or did I make it up?)
For what is real and what is aboriginal, cannot be fucked with. (i just heard that from someone downstairs talking and thought it fit, no-matter what I was going to say)
Be it the King of all bullshit or be it the poet roper, the real question of the hour is......
When is it tea time?
Or else I would say the second question of the day would be...
Why did the bee choose to fly up my panties?


Endquote. That is where all this Downstairs began!! :)

A


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