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BS: The Mother of all BS threads

Rapparee 25 Jun 04 - 09:16 AM
Amos 25 Jun 04 - 03:00 AM
Acme 25 Jun 04 - 12:27 AM
khandu 24 Jun 04 - 10:49 PM
Tweed 24 Jun 04 - 06:31 PM
Rapparee 24 Jun 04 - 12:53 PM
GUEST 24 Jun 04 - 11:55 AM
Rapparee 24 Jun 04 - 09:46 AM
Tweed 24 Jun 04 - 09:39 AM
Rapparee 24 Jun 04 - 09:18 AM
Little Hawk 24 Jun 04 - 09:10 AM
Tweed 24 Jun 04 - 08:43 AM
khandu 23 Jun 04 - 11:13 PM
khandu 23 Jun 04 - 11:10 PM
khandu 23 Jun 04 - 11:09 PM
khandu 23 Jun 04 - 10:59 PM
Rapparee 23 Jun 04 - 10:53 PM
khandu 23 Jun 04 - 10:28 PM
Rapparee 23 Jun 04 - 10:15 PM
GUEST 23 Jun 04 - 03:29 PM
Tweed 23 Jun 04 - 02:42 PM
Little Hawk 23 Jun 04 - 12:18 PM
Rapparee 23 Jun 04 - 12:02 PM
Amos 23 Jun 04 - 10:09 AM
Little Hawk 23 Jun 04 - 09:59 AM
beardedbruce 23 Jun 04 - 09:49 AM
Rapparee 23 Jun 04 - 09:35 AM
Rapparee 23 Jun 04 - 09:17 AM
Amos 23 Jun 04 - 08:47 AM
Little Hawk 23 Jun 04 - 07:26 AM
42 23 Jun 04 - 06:23 AM
Amos 22 Jun 04 - 11:23 PM
Rapparee 22 Jun 04 - 10:28 PM
Amos 22 Jun 04 - 09:58 PM
42 22 Jun 04 - 09:48 PM
Little Hawk 22 Jun 04 - 08:26 PM
Little Hawk 22 Jun 04 - 08:20 PM
Amos 22 Jun 04 - 08:12 PM
42 22 Jun 04 - 05:57 PM
Amos 22 Jun 04 - 02:51 PM
Rapparee 22 Jun 04 - 02:15 PM
Acme 22 Jun 04 - 12:46 PM
Amos 22 Jun 04 - 12:45 PM
42 22 Jun 04 - 08:02 AM
CarolC 21 Jun 04 - 10:36 PM
Rapparee 21 Jun 04 - 09:04 PM
Amos 21 Jun 04 - 08:24 PM
Rapparee 21 Jun 04 - 06:17 PM
Amos 21 Jun 04 - 04:00 PM
GUEST,the Great A'Tuin 21 Jun 04 - 09:18 AM
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 25 Jun 04 - 09:16 AM

I checked my bank account this morning and all my money was transferred to some bank in Ulaanbaatar. I assume that this was done to better facilitate the transfer of funds from the UK Lotto, although I can't imagine why it would be easier.

Thank heavens I've still got my credit cards. Just because I can't write a good check for a couple of days doesn't mean I have to go hungry!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 25 Jun 04 - 03:00 AM

I must say that it is nice to see Ole Khandu back in harness afwer his long long vacation fro kingness. He was taking more days away than ole Bushface hisself. Now, in that regard, Tweed was some better in the constancy department.

All tole though they seem to be having another spat an' I is sore perplexed how to restore harmony to the waters of the MOAB.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 25 Jun 04 - 12:27 AM

crotchless bras? Is that anything like titless panties?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: khandu
Date: 24 Jun 04 - 10:49 PM

So the whelp challenges the Sire????!!!!! You have proclaimed yourself what? "Steward ob the Lowlifes and Cesspool Swamps"? That sounds about right!
I am not dumb! I know what it is! It is the Cherokee Headdress that compels you! I knew the first day you saw me wearing it that you were eyeing it with lustful eyes! In fact, my lucky wife, *Queen Cheryl, commented on the lasciviousness you displayed every time you cast your eyes upon my Headdress! She said, "King, everytime that Dweeb fellow looks upon your Royal Headdress, I bet he starts singing that Clarence Carter song in his mind; 'I'm Just a'Strokin''!"

You've wanted it from the first! & I'm certain not for Royal purposes!

BTW...at the Royal Comedy Show tonight, I had them rolling in the aisles. The Royal Dancing Tarts spewed their homebrew all over the front of their Royal Crotchless bras. The funny thing about it was that I spoke only two words to cause such a brouhaha! I stepped regally to the mike & said "King Tweed"!

They all agreed that it was the funniest show I've ever done.

So the whelp dares challenge the Sire! Now that's funny!

King Tweed, HAWHAWHAWHAWHAWHAWHAWHAWHAWHAWHAWHAWHAWHAWHAWHAWHAWHAWHAW!!!!!!!!!!

HAWHAWHAWHAWHAWHAWHAWHAWHAWHAWHAWHAWHAWHAWHAWHAWHAWHAWHAW!!!!!!!

HAWHAWHAW!!!

KING khandu, The present & future King of All Mississippi


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Tweed
Date: 24 Jun 04 - 06:31 PM

Dere Raipear,
I have the video you want but I wuld need to get compensated substantial fore it. How many ob them ball park franks kin you send in trade? I ain't talkin' no funky turkey dogs either. I iz lookin' for Sabretts or Hebrew Nationals. I figger to freeze them and mebbe start a filet deSabrett mail order meat bizness soon. You know, wif a color pichure catalog and mebbe pay pal or something.

Anyhow, mek me a offer and we'll see whut comes obv it. Bill, by the way, iz sleepin' it off in hiz cage wif his head in the water bowl. He haz had a perdy big day and iz dreamin' and whimperin' whut sounds like "dribbles" and ever once in a while hollers out "OHHooooooora!!!!"
He iz a good dog I reckon, but eats too much.

Tweed


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 24 Jun 04 - 12:53 PM

I've know him since he was just a li'l ol' paring knife.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST
Date: 24 Jun 04 - 11:55 AM

rapier? seems we've known him since he was just a sgain dubh


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 24 Jun 04 - 09:46 AM

Tweed, could you videotape him trying to lick hisself? I'd shore like to see that!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Tweed
Date: 24 Jun 04 - 09:39 AM

Dere Liddle Hargue,
Yore boy Shatner iz imprisoned in the KOTROT cypress swamp facility. My chief interrogater, Sgt.Marie Laveau-Boudreaux haz altered his thinking already and believes hizzelf to be a dog. Even now az I write, pore Bill iz busy chasing a tail that ain't quite thar and trying to smell hiz own butt. Khnardazz will be in good company here when he iz brought to justice! HAW Hhahahahahah.hooooooeeee....

yerz,
Tweed


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 24 Jun 04 - 09:18 AM

Who?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 24 Jun 04 - 09:10 AM

Where's Shatner?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Tweed
Date: 24 Jun 04 - 08:43 AM

Dere King Khnadslap,

You habv gone too far this time in usurping my Title and besqueezing it unto the nuvo-riche,faux aristocrat-boozwa Rawpair. I am mos' discouraged and unsweltered by this turn obv events and heretofore alert yore crazy old ass thet I intend to retain all titles bequimmed to me fore perpetuity and mebbe longer then thet! KOTROT iz Tweed and I am KOTROT, First Duck and and habv also taken fore myself the title of Steward ob the Lowlands and Cypress Swamps. Even now my cashew sized brain iz formalatin' plans fore your disposment and restrainment and habv in my employ several outta work prison guards who are summat adept in the use ob chemical lite sticks. The Royal Cherokee Headress will be plucked like a chicken and the Tarts will be mine and I expect will be happier fore it too! I wait impatiently fore the long days and nites when they dance and peel grapes for me. You obv course will be hanging in a cage from the ceiling, watching while they cavort and frolic around the Royal Palace which used to be yores!

Az fore enny monetary help from Raepier, I want to be thar when you try to lite them off-brand store bought cigs wif a hot dog! HAW...HAHAHAWWW....!!

Yores,
Tweed Knight of the Realm ob Tupelo, First Duck d'Mizippi!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: khandu
Date: 23 Jun 04 - 11:13 PM

TYPO ALERT!
"Everyone loved him until he spoke
Disparingly of the King"

Make that "disparagingly"

k


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: khandu
Date: 23 Jun 04 - 11:10 PM

HAW!!!!
3600 is mine!!!!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: khandu
Date: 23 Jun 04 - 11:09 PM

There was a 1st Duck & KOTROT
Whose name I refuse to remember
Early in the Kingdom
Everyone loved him until he spoke
Disparingly of the King

I refuse to remember him
So I will not speak his name

And I have replaced him with a greater!

Go boldly in his stead, Sir Rapaire
Offer no apology
Never ponder his name
Even if he begs recognition
Remember only this, he is a goner!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: khandu
Date: 23 Jun 04 - 10:59 PM

BE IT NOTED; THE KINGDOM OF MISSISSIPPI SHALL IMMEDIATELY COMMENCE A CELEBRATION IN HONOR OF SIR RAPAIRE, FIRST DUCK & KNIGHT OF THE REALM OF TUPELO, WHICH SHALL CONTINUE UNTIL WHO KNOWS WHEN!!!

BY ORDER OF THE KING


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 23 Jun 04 - 10:53 PM

Ahh, Khahndu! Ahs soon ahs the UK Lotto deposits the money into my bahnk ahccount, I shahll be more thahn hahppy to fund the Celebrahtion. Were to send ah check or a cheque now, both you ahnd I would be be embahrahssed. Not the petty ahmount you stipulahte, but ah generous memoriahl indeed.

Ahlso, pleahse feel free to spend ah little on yourself ahs well from the money I will send you ahfter the big bucks ahre deposited to my ahccount.

Tweed, you too ahre remembered, ahs ahre the rest of you. I hahve ahlreahdy purchahsed ah six-pahck of Keystone to shahre with you when you drop ahround, ahnd I will ahlso provide ah repahst beyond your wildest dreahms: ahs a hint, how mahny hot dogs cahn you eaht?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: khandu
Date: 23 Jun 04 - 10:28 PM

The Royal Territory of Mississippi is in great need, dear fiends! I, as King, must now make hard decisions. I see the poor Royal Dancing Tarts in wardrobes that would embarrass Janet Jackson! The Royal Forkers are running dreadfully low of mortar! And, alas, the upcoming JOE OFFER BIRTHMONTH CELEBRATION is in danger of fizzling before the first firecracker is ignited! Perhaps most distressing, the Royal Headdress looks like it hias been plucked more often than the Dancing Tarts!

Therefore,I, King khnardazz , uh. . . khandu, must seek outside financial aid. I must turn to the inhabitants of this great land of MOAB for assistance. If each of you donate a mere $100.00 for each time you have posted on this glorious thread, I believe that would change the whole tomato!

Or perhaps if maybe one of you were lucky enough to say, maybe inherited a large sum or won a lottery, you could save the Kingdom single-handedly! Just multiply the number of posts by $100.00 & send it to me. (Cashiers Check would do nicely!)

Of course, you will receive great honor in the Kingdom for your love-offering! A seat at the right hand of the King will be reserved for you at all Royal Gatherings; you will be given the key to the Royal Dancing Tarts' private quarters, & You will receive the honored title of First Duck & Knight of the Realm of Tupelo!!!!!

I await expectantly for the cheque!

King khandu
King of All Mississippi


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 23 Jun 04 - 10:15 PM

3,935. Yahs, three thousahnd nine hundred ahnd thirty-five. Ahproximately my hourly wahge in US dollahrs ahs soon ahs thaht UK Lotto sends me my money.

Oh, yahs. Thaht's right. They're putting it directly into my bahnk ahccount. I did send them my ahccount number ahnd my sociahl security number, didn't I?

I'm sooo glahd it's UK ahnd not one of those Nigeriahn scams. Ahfter ahll, if you cahn't trust the British, who cahn you trust?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST
Date: 23 Jun 04 - 03:29 PM

AHA! post number 3 thousand five hundred and ninety-four!

(that 2 squared times 898.5!!!!!)

WOW!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Tweed
Date: 23 Jun 04 - 02:42 PM

Dere Raypierre,
I wabaz so glade to har thet you will continue the close and afflable frendship wif my own self and the obthers of my ilk. I would like to hope thet you like me better then them others az I am perdy danged personable and need some ob the lotto moneys real quick-like. Whar kin I sign up fore a loan and kin you send me a big check today? Ef you do it wif Fed Ex, just mek it for the next bizness morning and I will cover the postage later on.
I hope yore in good health and be careful about just who you send money to, az thar iz some perdy shady characters what frequents this mother here.

I shouldn't worry much about Khing Khnadu if he hits you up though az he iz beyond needing enny financial assistance and in hiz crazed state, would only light hiz off-brand cigarettes wif the twenties and hunnerts.
CarolC the crapper queen will no doubt squander hers on accordians inlaid with mother ob toilet seat decorations and Amos would moren likely get hold of a Berlitz, "Speak and Write in All the Languages obv the World" course and then we would never get to enjoy hiz company no more az it would keep him perdy busy.

Ennyhow, send me about half or more if you kin spare it and I'll be reel grateful and happy for a long while.

Yerz truly,
Tweed


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 23 Jun 04 - 12:18 PM

LOL! Such compassion! Such...suchness!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 23 Jun 04 - 12:02 PM

Yahs, I'll continue to ahssociate with the little people: Ahmos, Little Hahwk, SRS, Cahrol, Khahndu, Tweed, Merri, Frodo, Sahm and everyone.

You must excuse me ahgahin, my Moet et Chahndon is cahlling ahnd the cahviahr is aht just the right temperahture.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 23 Jun 04 - 10:09 AM

Now don't get all hopeful, LH!!

Rapaire, your innocence has finally been rewarded!! I am touched and add my congratulations to the long list of hands-out admirers.

Do advise us when you see the first penny of your winnings. The first penny is often conceived of as particularly auspicious. An old superstition, but humor me!! :>)

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 23 Jun 04 - 09:59 AM

You are SO lucky, Rapaire! Oh, I am just purple with envy! Now that you're rich, will you still associate with the rest of us?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: beardedbruce
Date: 23 Jun 04 - 09:49 AM

Didn't I say that already?

8-{E


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 23 Jun 04 - 09:35 AM

Now being wealthy, I feel it incumbent to assist my Fellow Man and Fellow Woman. Knowing that there is no forum for BS (albeit of a substandard quality) than politics, at the risk of alienating some MOABites (and thereby saving myself the costs of their share in my loot) I feel that this must be posted for their own good. It is time to Take A Stand, a Time To Act! Please take this to heart and Do Whatever Needs To Be Done!

ITS TIME TO RE-EVALUATE OUR INVOLVEMENT!

Every day there are news reports about more deaths.

Every night on TV there are photos of death and destruction.

Why are we still there?

We occupied this land, which we had to take by force, but it causes us nothing but trouble.

Why are we still there?

Many of our children go there and never come back.

Why are we still there?

Their government is unstable, and they have sporadic leadership.

Why are we still there?

Many of their people are uncivilized.

Why are we still there?

The place is subject to natural disasters, from which we are supposed to bail them out.

Why are we still there?

There are more than 1,000 religious sects, which we do not nderstand.

Why are we still there?

Their folkways, foods, and fads are unfathomable to ordinary Americans.

Why are we still there?

We can't even secure the borders.

Why are we still there?

They are billions of dollars in debt, and it will cost billions more to rebuild, which we can't afford.

Why are we still there?


It is becoming clear...





WE MUST PULL OUT OF CALIFORNIA.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 23 Jun 04 - 09:17 AM

Because I'm a caring, sensitive sort of guy who wouldn't dream of gloating over his new-found wealth, I'll make the announcement here.

I received this in by email today:
-----------------
"UK LOTTO

                140 NORTHAMPTON ROAD
                EC1R 0HB LONDON
                UNITED KINGDOM


FROM: THE DESK OF THE PROMOTIONS
MANAGER,INTERNATIONAL PROMOTIONS/PRIZE AWARD
DEPARTMENT,REF: NBM44125677 AND BATCH NO: 31/107/AY.

ATTENTION: Sir/Madam,

             RE/ AWARD NOTIFICATION

We are pleased to inform you of the announcement of winners of the UK LOTTO/INTERNATIONAL PROGRAMS held on 26th FEBUARY 2004 as part of our yearly bonanza. You or your company, attached to ticket number
1416-4612-750, with serial number 3187-17 drew the lucky numbers 31-17-8-28-55, and consequently won the lottery in the "A" category.

You have therefore been approved for a lump sum pay out of US$5,500,000.00 in cash credited to file REF NO. REF: NBM44125677. This is from total prize money of US$16,500,000.00 shared among the Three (3) international winners in this category. All participants were selected through a computer balloting system drawn form 25,000 names from Middle East, Asia, Africa,Canada,Europe and North America and Oceania as part our International Promotions Program, which is conducted annually.

CONGRATULATIONS!

Your fund is now deposited with CORPORATE   SECURITIES CO, a security House. Due to the mix up of some numbers and names, we ask that you keep this award strictly from public notice until your claim has
been processed and your money remitted to your account.This is part of our security protocol to avoid double claiming or unscrupulous acts by participants of this program.

We hope with a part of you prize, you will participate in our end of year high stakes US$1.1 billion International Lottery. To begin your claim, please contact your claim agent;
       MR. PETER SMITH,
       CLAIMS AGENT
       UK LOTTO ..
       140 NORTHAMPTON ROAD,
       EC1R 0HB LONDON,
       UNITED KINGDOM.
       Email: peter_smith@mail2world.com

For due processing and remittance of your prize money to a designated account of your choice. Remember, you must contact your claim agent not later than 4th of August, 2004.After this date, all funds will be returned as unclaimed. All correspondences to MR.PETER SMITH, by mail,should have this EMAIL sent along with it and also, your FULL NAMES, ADDRESS, YOUR COUNTRY OF RESIDENCE and your EMAIL ADDRESS to which this email is sent,should be clearly and BOLDLY WRITTEN IN YOUR RESPONSE with your claims agent.

NOTE: In order to avoid unnecessary delays and complications, please remember to quote your reference and batch numbers in every one of your correspondences with your agent. Furthermore,should there be any
change of your address, do inform your claims agent as soon as possible.

Congratulations again from all our staff and thank you for being part of our promotions program.

Sincerely,

MRS. MELISSA STONE.
THE PROMOTIONS MANAGER,
UK LOTTO .
140 NORTHAMPTON ROAD,
EC1R 0HB LONDON,
UNITED KINGDOM.

N.B.   Any breach of confidentiality on the part of the winners will result to disqualification. Please do not reply to this mail. Contact your claim agent."
-----------

I will, of course, share my good fortune with other MOABites.

This is sooooooooooo exciting I've wet my pants several times, and when I first read the email, in those immortal words from the play Oh Dad, poor dad, Momma's hung you in the closet and I'm feeling so sad", "I laughed and giggled and went sticky-wet." What's REALLY exciting about it is that I haven't been in the UK since 1997 and I don't buy lottery tickets! One of the UK 'Catters must have bought it for in my name as an anonymous gift.

Anyway, if the regular MOABites will let me know when they'll be in the area I'll be certain to have their can of beer ready for them.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 23 Jun 04 - 08:47 AM

Something about your deep and abiding passion for the mediocre brings out the lash in me, LH.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 23 Jun 04 - 07:26 AM

I've seldom seen anyone with your delightful talent for dispensing gentile verbal abuse, Amos! :-)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: 42
Date: 23 Jun 04 - 06:23 AM

Is that something to which we can look forward...reams and reams of Thiemes?

j


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 22 Jun 04 - 11:23 PM

Just one of my favorite Thiemes.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 22 Jun 04 - 10:28 PM

Who's Art?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 22 Jun 04 - 09:58 PM

Little Hawk, you are an unrepentant worthless   monger of decrepitude and saccharine incompetence, a dark black fly on the white thigh of history, a boil on the smooth brow of Intelligence, and a foul odor in the underwear of Art.

Get the to a hatchery, go to. Th'art a squib and a sore.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: 42
Date: 22 Jun 04 - 09:48 PM

It just makes me thirsty!

j


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 22 Jun 04 - 08:26 PM

Now doesn't everyone feel just great after reading that?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 22 Jun 04 - 08:20 PM

Ahem!

BEAUTIFUL BALMORAL
by William McGonagall

Ye lovers of the picturesque, away and see
Beautiful Balmoral, near by the River Dee;
There ye will see the deer browsing on the heathery hills,
While adown their sides run clear sparkling rills.

Which the traveller can drink of when he feels dry,
And admire the dark River Dee near by,
Rolling smoothly and silently on its way,
Which is most lovely to see on a summer day.

There the trout do sport and play
During the live-long summer day;
Also plenty of salmon are there to be seen,
Glittering like silver in the sun's sheen.

And the mountains are rugged and wild to be seen,
But the woodlands are beautiful when Nature's face is green;
There numerous rabbits do gambol all day
Amongst the green scrubbery all lively and gay.

There's one charming spot most magnificent to be seen,
'Tis Balmoral Castle, the Highland Home of our Queen;
The surrounding scenery is enchanting to see,
While near by rolls past the lovely River Dee.

Therefore, ye lovers of the picturesque, away and see
Beautiful Balmoral Castle and its grand scenery,
And the sight will fill your hearts with glee,
As ye walk along the bonnie banks o' the River Dee.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 22 Jun 04 - 08:12 PM

Aw, j, I yam repentant.

There are more important things than BS, and in fact I yam a woithless hypocrite having just chastised Doug R for buying a bunch of BS from down on Pennsylvania Avenue.

Play that banjo and rejoice that there are people who are willing to allow that they are BSing when they are!!


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: 42
Date: 22 Jun 04 - 05:57 PM

I stand chastised with banjo in hand.

j


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 22 Jun 04 - 02:51 PM

All so true! Let us draw on the best that Franklyne and his contemporaries have to offer for inspiration, for models, for insight and beauty. But shall that be all? Never!!

We will take the ancient arts of BS and stretch them, extend them, we will boldly march beyond the furthest limits of history and into the scinitillating parameters of Future BS Unknown and Unimagined, finding the far horizons never before touched with BS!!


Into the future and Over the Top with MOAB!! Unleash the fire of your minds, and take BS to Unheard of Heights!! Onward!


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 22 Jun 04 - 02:15 PM

Which reminds me that a historical examination of BS would be useful and, possibly, even profitable. And where better to conduct such than MOAB, or who better to undertake such an endeavor than the MOABites?

And so I offer this, extracted from a letter from the Earl of Oxford to his brother, Robert Cecil:

"My very good Broother, I have receyved by Henry Loke yowre moste kynde message, whiche I so effectuallye imbrace, that whatt for the owlde loue I have borne yow, whiche I assure yow was very greate, what for the alliance which ys betwene vs, whiche ys tyed so fast by my chyldren of yowre owne syster, what for myne owne dispositione to yowre selfe, whiche hathe bene rootede by longe and many familiarites of a moore yowthefull tyme there cowld have beene nothinge soo deerly welcome vnto me. wherfore not as a stranger but in the owld style, I doo assure yow that yow shall have no faster freende & wellwisher vnto yow then my self eyther in kyndnes, which I finde beyond myne expectatione in yow; or in kyndred, wherby none ys nerer allyed then my selfe, sythe of yowre systers, of my wyfe only yow have receyved Nieces. A syster I say not by any venter, but borne of the same father, and the same moother of yowre selfe. I will say no moore, for woordes in faythefull myndes are tedious."

And this:

"Shake-speare, at length thy pious fellowes give
The world thy Workes : thy Workes, by which, out-live
Thy Tombe, thy name must when that stone is rent,
And Time dissolves thy Stratford Moniment,
Here we alive shall view thee still. This Booke,
When Brasse and Marble fade, shall make thee looke
Fresh to all Ages : when Posteritie
Shall loath what's new, thinke all is prodegie
That is not Shake-speares; ev'ry Line, each Verse
Here shall revive, redeeme thee from thy Herse.
Nor Fire, nor cankring Age, as Naso said,
Of his, thy wit-fraught Booke shall once invade.
Nor shall I e're beleeve, or thinke thee dead.
(Though mist) untill our bankrout Stage be sped
(Imposible) with some new straine t'out-do
Passions of Juliet, and her Romeo ;
Or till I heare a Scene more nobly take,
Then when thy half-Sword parlying Romans spake.
Till these, till any of thy Volumes rest
Shall with more fire, more feeling be exprest,
Be sure, our Shake-speare, thou canst never dye,
But crown'd with Lawrell, live eternally."

Both of these are representative of a form of BS technically known as "laying it on thick".


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 22 Jun 04 - 12:46 PM

A source of inspiration for us all:


    Courteous Reader,
    I have heard that nothing gives an Author so great Pleasure, as to find his Works respectfully quoted by other learned Authors. This Pleasure I have seldom enjoyed; for tho' I have been, if I may say it without Vanity, an eminent Author of Almanacks annually now a full Quarter of a Century, my Brother Authors in the same Way, for what Reason I know not, have ever been very sparing in their Applauses; and no other Author has taken the least Notice of me, so that did not my Writings produce me some solid Pudding, the great Deficiency of Praise would have quite discouraged me.

    BENJAMIN FRANKLIN, Preface, Poor Richard Improved: Being an Almanack and Ephemeris ? for the Year of Our Lord, 1758.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 22 Jun 04 - 12:45 PM

42, with all due respect it is exactly this sort of post which raises my ire and sets me to bemoaning the decline of BS in our time. You are capable of soaring to heights of BS, curlicues of excess and baroque extravagance, of inciting towering vibrations and flowering perfumes of BS. And yet you limit yourself to a tired play on an old quote.

Come, madam!! You can do better by far!! Why should you not give the Mother your best BS?

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: 42
Date: 22 Jun 04 - 08:02 AM

Oh mother where art thou?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: CarolC
Date: 21 Jun 04 - 10:36 PM

insipid skies...


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 21 Jun 04 - 09:04 PM

Ah, golly shucks, it warn't nothin' A-tall.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 21 Jun 04 - 08:24 PM

Huzzah! How like a lark hath sprung
Bright BS newly from his favored tongue
That lightens hearts and scents the air
With pheremones from Bold Rapaire!
To whom all Mobites give paean
For bringing BS up again!

Back from the wasted, lowly pit
Not pure BS, just lowly s**t
Back from the hole, the dank retreat
Smelling of mouldy, tired feet
Out from the depths!! Anew, and young!
Praise be to Rapaire's sparkling tongue!!

Huzzah, huzzah!! Undo dim Darkle!
And let the MOAB's BS Sparkle!!

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 21 Jun 04 - 06:17 PM

Back then, wit arced across the insipid skies like the electric sparks from the equipment that brought the monster to life in "Frankenstein." Back then, all women were languidly sensual, albeit with rapier-like intelligence that pierced directly to the heart of any matter while the men were all ruggedly handsome studs of superb intellect and unrivaled perspecasity. Freshly scrubbed children, cute, but not to the point of nausea; smart, but not mouthy; polite, but not fawning, ran and played on the dewy lawns. Back then, everyone had a great, but not boring, job that took no more than three hours each day. Back then, when the day's work was finished and dinner had been eaten, everyone gathered in the backyard while Mom or Dad -- and sometime the neighbors as well -- played a Martin Dreadnought and sang the wonderful old folksongs that their foreparents had brought with them from the East and/or from the Olde Countrie.

Well-paid, competent, motivated teachers taught and eager students learned. Cars got at least sixty miles to every gallon of inexpensive gasoline, and a device was being developed which would allow the car to run on water. Every stream and river was sparkling pure and ran joyfully over gravelly beds. Disease was non-existent, and old people were treated with the respect due to their age and wisdom. Back then, Moab was a city in Utah.

And then,

Clinton/Reagan/Truman/Ford/Carter/Bush/Bush/Eisenhower/Roosevelt
or Thatcher/McKenzie/Gladstone/Disraeli/De Valera/Mendez France/De Gaulle/Blair/Stalin/the UN/Owen Ruadh O'Neill came into power and everything went to hell.

The world was filled with despair. Teeth decayed. Dogs yipped at their owners, cats scratched, bison trampled Volkswagens, glaciers melted, the sky turned bright pink, fish died in droves, moose trampled motorcyclists, cakes fell, bread failed to rise, mountains shrank, sex stunk, kids were foulmouthed, tires went flat, bicycles had three wheels, and then,

then,

MOAB sprang, full armed, from the ashes and bluebirds again sang in the willows beside gurgling brooks while little girls and boys played Tag 'midst the flowers.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 21 Jun 04 - 04:00 PM

I weep. I thrash.
My teeth I gnash.
My clothes I render into trash.
My soul I damn, my self I fasch,
My hide breaks out in angry rash!
My Macintosh I nearly Crash!
And to new heights my wrath I lash,
And mutter "Sufferin' SUCcotash!"
And "So's your father's old moustache"
And floors and doors and tables bash
ANd walnuts crush and taters mash
And beef cows render into hash
And precious poems reduce to ash
While wasting precious piles of cash
And flailing absent style or dash,
While all around me Titans clash
And bleeding hearts I cruelly gash
Praying the MOAB gain panache
Recover now her long-lost flash!

Flash Gordon
First Boldly Goer


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,the Great A'Tuin
Date: 21 Jun 04 - 09:18 AM

I'm a bit peckish lately krill, come over here, won't you?


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