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BS: The Mother of all BS threads

Rapparee 04 Aug 03 - 08:21 AM
Little Hawk 04 Aug 03 - 07:56 AM
Rustic Rebel 03 Aug 03 - 11:32 PM
khandu 03 Aug 03 - 11:06 PM
Rapparee 03 Aug 03 - 10:59 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 03 Aug 03 - 07:36 PM
Amos 03 Aug 03 - 01:18 PM
Little Hawk 03 Aug 03 - 11:29 AM
Amos 03 Aug 03 - 10:17 AM
Dead Horse 03 Aug 03 - 04:52 AM
khandu 03 Aug 03 - 12:51 AM
Kim C 03 Aug 03 - 12:49 AM
khandu 03 Aug 03 - 12:03 AM
Bee-dubya-ell 02 Aug 03 - 11:27 PM
khandu 02 Aug 03 - 10:47 PM
khandu 02 Aug 03 - 10:33 PM
Rapparee 02 Aug 03 - 10:17 PM
GUEST,Debbie Earl 02 Aug 03 - 09:49 PM
GUEST,Debbie Earl 02 Aug 03 - 09:36 PM
khandu 02 Aug 03 - 08:21 PM
Kim C 02 Aug 03 - 08:06 PM
lazy f 02 Aug 03 - 08:01 PM
Little Hawk 02 Aug 03 - 07:49 PM
khandu 02 Aug 03 - 07:40 PM
khandu 02 Aug 03 - 07:39 PM
Little Hawk 02 Aug 03 - 06:05 PM
khandu 02 Aug 03 - 06:00 PM
GUEST,Ms Penelope Rutledge 02 Aug 03 - 05:34 PM
Little Hawk 02 Aug 03 - 10:55 AM
Kim C 01 Aug 03 - 10:50 AM
Amos 01 Aug 03 - 09:10 AM
GUEST,Debbie Earl 01 Aug 03 - 08:55 AM
GUEST,Ms Penelope Rutledge 01 Aug 03 - 01:01 AM
Bee-dubya-ell 01 Aug 03 - 12:57 AM
khandu 01 Aug 03 - 12:09 AM
GUEST,Debbie Earl 31 Jul 03 - 08:13 AM
Rustic Rebel 31 Jul 03 - 12:16 AM
Tweed 30 Jul 03 - 11:27 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 30 Jul 03 - 11:09 PM
GUEST,Bubba Bubba 30 Jul 03 - 10:10 PM
GUEST,Thespian 30 Jul 03 - 09:50 PM
Tweed 30 Jul 03 - 06:55 PM
Dead Horse 30 Jul 03 - 02:30 PM
Dead Horse 30 Jul 03 - 02:29 PM
GUEST,Thespian 30 Jul 03 - 12:29 PM
Tweed 30 Jul 03 - 06:26 AM
Rapparee 29 Jul 03 - 10:40 PM
GUEST,Thespian 29 Jul 03 - 10:10 PM
GUEST,Thespian 27 Jul 03 - 10:30 PM
Rustic Rebel 27 Jul 03 - 09:41 PM
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 04 Aug 03 - 08:21 AM

Well, LH, that was part of Pete's problem, those nasty cuts, and the other was his wife. Seems like there was a lot of blood flowin' and Rita was using direct and pressure on the wound to stop it. Who knows what Pete's wife might have done if there hadn't been witnesses? He was pretty close to being Bobbitted all by himself as it was, and after they patched him up he was a man to contend with at the urinal, a real danger to those on either side of him. He thought for a while about getting a job as a lawn sprinkler or entering the competition for the new downtown fountain, but cooler heads prevailed.

I've been really lucky and haven't seen him in years.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 04 Aug 03 - 07:56 AM

My God, Rapaire...that sounded like one of those bizarre stories that Bob Dylan used to make up when he did the talkin' blues stuff. "Motorpsycho Nightmare" comes to mind...

A banjo can deliver a nasty vasectomy or extended circumcision to the unwary player, which is one reason why I avoid them like the plague.

The other reason is the sound! :-)

- LH


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rustic Rebel
Date: 03 Aug 03 - 11:32 PM

This sounds like a polka to me....

(To the tune of In Heaven There is no Beer)


I walked in a deli that's near,
to buy salami and beer,
but when I heard the song,
my belly started shaking right along.

I said can I have some cheese,
and turkey with pastrami if you please.
My belly still shaking to the song.
The waiter said I think there's something wrong.

He said you get out of here,
you look like you've been drinking too much beer.
But all I want is provalone
please sell me some for my trip home.

Some meunster, tuna salad, bologna,
roast beef, chicken, ham, pound of brie.
This song's to good to stop my knees
I'll leave if you sell me some salami.

Leave now or I'll call the cops.
I said no, just sell me some pork chops.
He came around the corner,
Now I know why he wanted me to leave, he had a boner!

I laughed as I left the store
shaking my belly all the more.
I'm hungry but not for you,
there's a deli down the street a block or two.


Ahhh please give me some salami, honey roasted turkey, avacodo, romaine and pesto on a baguette....


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: khandu
Date: 03 Aug 03 - 11:06 PM

Dang, Rapaire, that sounds an awful lot like what's going on here tonight in Mississippi as we continue to celebrate the

JOE OFFER BIRTHMONTH CELEBRATION!!!



Man, oh, man! It's a hot time in the old town tonight!!!

Kk


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 03 Aug 03 - 10:59 PM

Seein' as how this is the MOAB, and seein' as how the veracity level fluctuates, let me tell you about my old buddy Pete.

Pete played the banjo, which is in itself a sign of impending something or other. And while he wasn't a bad banjo player, let's just say that if they were keepin' score the banjo would usually win, usually bein' three times out of three.

Then one day ol' Pete got himself a gig. A real, paying-cash-money-so-you-can-report-whatever-amount-you-like-to-the-IRS sort of gig. And at a hundred bucks plus dinner and drinks for an evenin's work, Pete thought it was pretty good.

Gave Pete a bit of a swelled head. He took to callin' himself things like "Doc" Pete and "Lonesome" Pete and such, because he thought that they added something to his banjo pickin'. He also took to wearin' Oshkosh overalls and clodhopper work boots, because he felt that was more "banjo-y" than blue jeans, a work shirt, and sneakers. Pete was startin' to look at the Stars, thinkin' that this was just the beginnin', that (dare I say it?) someday he might even be on "Barn Dance" or "The Grand Old Opry."

Then he got the contract in the mail. He was to play at a place called "Shady Acres Club", giving a nice 90 minute concert of traditional banjo music to a private gathering there.

That was fine with Pete. And as the day of the concert drew nearer, ol' Pete was practicin' every moment he could get, and that was sometimes hard to do since Pete worked at the sewage treatment plant.

Pete drove out to the Shady Acres Club on the day, or rather evening, of the concert. He was a little surprised by the wall around the place and the wrought-iron gate, but it was, after all, a private club. Sort of a high-toned country club, he figgered.

At the gatehouse a naked man stopped him. This was unusual, because Pete had never stopped before for a naked man. (Why I can vouch for the truth of this statement is another, and somewhat sordid, story.)

The naked man invited Pete to state his business, and when he learned that Pete was the entertainment for the evening he invited him to leave his clothes in a locker at the gatehouse. Nobody, least of all his friends and acquaintances, thought to mention to Pete that Shady Acres was a nudist club, and the contract didn't state it. The contract did, however, make it clear that Pete was to "abide by the rules and regulations of the Shady Acres Club" and that meant, the gatekeeper pointed out pointedly, performing in somewhat less than deshabille.

Pete was ready to do anything, almost, for Fame and Fortune, and so he cast his doubts (along with his overalls and the rest of his clothes) to the wind, so to speak. When he was undressed and ready to perform, the gatekeeper took Pete and his banjo up to the clubhouse in a little golf cart type of thing. Pete kept his banjo case placed strategically during the journey, and during the walk to the hall, and while he was waiting in the wings, and during his intro, and while he walked on stage. He sat on a stool, carefully took the banjo out of the case, placed it carefully in his hands and lap, and looked up.

There were about 200 naked people looking at him. Naked people of all ages, shapes, sizes, and sexes. 200. Naked. People.

Pete gulped and shifted a bit on the stool. He cleared his throat to make his first statement to the audience, and in a high falsetto said something like "Hll o   ladiesan gen men my first Rocky Top."

And he laid into his rendition of "Rocky Top." Now, this was his strong peice. He'd been playin' it for ten years or more and he could hammer it out like a house a-fire. Usually, that is.

But right in the front row, naked as a jay bird, Pete had seen his old flame, Rita. The last time he'd seen her like that was when she'd sent him off to the Army with a real "Soldier's Farewell" that had thwarted the saltpeter in the mashed potatoes for two solid years. And the old memories came flooding back (so to speak).

Ol' Pete was risin' to the occasion, as they say, and the audience had probably never heard anything like it. As Pete played "Rocky Top," his banjo risin' on his lap, pushin' forward like a friendly dog.

It was a good thing Pete had played "Rocky Top" so often, 'cause his mind was on Rita and that farewell. His fingers, though, were doin' exactly what they'd done so often before, and those steel strings were movin' like nobody's business.

Problem was, the vibrations from the banjo and the memories of Rita were exacerbatin' Pete's problem. He couldn't stop, he couldn't stand up, he couldn't think of anything to do but play "Rocky Top" over and over.

After about the fourteenth rendition, Fate took a hand. Or something. Pete, being all sweaty in the spotlight and from his perdicament, slipped off the stool. He fell to the floor, and his, ah, problem, got caught in the banjo strings. The steel banjo strings. The steel banjo strings he was still playing.

I'll draw the curtains of charity over the scene that followed. Pete got his hundred, the club felt they owed that to him. The hospital expenses were considerable, especially the surgery. Worse, he was hard put to explain to his wife what had happened, how it had happened, and why the ambulance arrived to find him stark naked, held by a stark naked Rita, in a hall full of people who were clothed.

For you see, when the ambulance had been called, folks either left for their cabins and rooms or got dressed, so as not to embarrass the EMTs. And Rita, a trained nurse, was the first to arrive and try to give first aid.

Pete's given up the banjo for something safer. He now works on the local police bomb squad.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 03 Aug 03 - 07:36 PM

Busted fer belly dancin' in th' deli, huh? What happened? The salami call the cops?

Reminds me of the time my wife's ex-husband got busted for indecent exposure in the grocery store. He had recently returned from a trip to India and had taken to wearing Gandhi-style breechcloths. He wore one into the local grocery and the manager called the cops. Now, this breechcloth covered at least as much of Bill as a typical pair of swimtrunks, but the cops wouldn't hear any of it so off to jail he went.   He spent the night in the pokey and was taken before the judge for arraignment the next morning. During the night Bill had unwound the breechcloth, which was actually a number of yards of fabric, and fashioned it into a reasonable facsimile of pants and shirt. When the judge asked him what he had been wearing at the time he was arrested Bill said, "Exactly what I'm wearing now. No more and no less." The judge said that he didn't see what the problem was and threw the charges out.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 03 Aug 03 - 01:18 PM

Groan.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 03 Aug 03 - 11:29 AM

Isn't that a disease one gets while traveling in India?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 03 Aug 03 - 10:17 AM

There's a song in that somewhere, I am sure....Deli-Belly!! Deli-Belly!! Hmmmm. And a one....


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Dead Horse
Date: 03 Aug 03 - 04:52 AM

A Navel Display!
Goshdarnit!
I didnt get nuthing like that fer MY birthday.
(slopes off, muttering about how life is so unfair)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: khandu
Date: 03 Aug 03 - 12:51 AM

A deli-belly dance!!! WOW!!! And you seem so pious!

Kk


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Kim C
Date: 03 Aug 03 - 12:49 AM

I haven't belly danced to bluegrass yet, but I did get busted dancing in the deli at the grocery store awhile back. ;-)

Here's a birthday shimmy for Joe. (shimmyshimmy)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: khandu
Date: 03 Aug 03 - 12:03 AM

Think about it...What if Joe Offer had never been born.....


Dang, that is a scary thought!

Kk


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 02 Aug 03 - 11:27 PM

Aw-ight dammit! Tha's enuffa thet Joe Offer's Birfday shit pollutin' up th' MOAB. Ah dun wrote th' fucker a nice pome on thet uther thred. Tha's all I'm gonna do. Tha's enuff. An' I'm shore Joe wu'd agree. Anyways, I don' like th' sumbitch enuff t' do any more'n that. An I think th' feelin's mootchual. Sorry, but if you gotta problem wiffit you kin jus' kiss my ass. An' once aginn, I'm shore Joe wu'd agree. Ya'll kin celbrate all you wanna in Mizzippi an' Idaho. Down here in Floribama, we'z goin' fishin' insted.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: khandu
Date: 02 Aug 03 - 10:47 PM

Whooooooppppppsss!!!!!!There went what little was left of the Queen's dignity...but what the hell...it is

JOE OFFER'S BIRTHMONTH!!!



(Uh...honey, I didn't know you had a tattoo there!!!)


Kk


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: khandu
Date: 02 Aug 03 - 10:33 PM

YESSS!!!!!


Rapaire! I am sure proud Idaho is celebrating the

JOE OFFER BIRTHMONTH BASH!!!


along with us Mississippians!!

The only reason there have been no arrest here is because I am King, and I am the one who authorized the party!
But, believe me...there has definitely been a high degree of rowdyism,
drunkeness, and assorted general lewdness, with the Royal Queen, my Lucky Wife, Cheryl, leading the pack!

Yes, this is

HIGH FESTIVAL TIME

in Mississippi...all in honor of

Joe Offer

during his BIRTHMONTH!!!

What a Grand Time to be ALIVE in MISSISSIPPI and IDAHO!!!

Perhaps more states and countries will be checking in soon!

Kk


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 02 Aug 03 - 10:17 PM

Here in idaho, we
started partying in
honor of joe offer’s
nativity yesterday.
There have been 340
arrests for rowdyism,
drunkeness, and
assorted general
lewdness so far. This
will continue until the
roundup brings the cows
home. We’re collecting
potatoes and lentils for
joe, too – the biggest
crops in the great state
of Idaho!! Ain’t nothing
too good for joe!!!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Debbie Earl
Date: 02 Aug 03 - 09:49 PM

Miz Penylopy, I went an made a goof an prest the rong key by miztak. I kin only say that I wuz blindid by yor beuty. Yu said I wuz a hillbilly but I aint. I ust to be an Inforcer for the Galaktik Overlard, but me an Bubba Bubba landed here under orders of the GO to twist Kandu an maybe Twed intu little peeces of chiken poop only we foun The Blues an went to Nashvil where I made sum muzik and Bubba Bubba was all drest in tight jenes an a t shirt whil she (she decidet to be feemal cuz before we didnt hav a sex or sex lik there iz here on Urth an ov course we didnt look much lik folks here) sung. Natchurly I am male cuz BB iz femal. I went intu a mall tother day an sum femals said I luked like the "yung Elfis only with mussles" which I tuk to be a compliment. Anyway now yu no what I luk like. I lik romantik stuf lik I am shur yu do an I lik everthin abot yu even yur bald spot which iz cute. I lik everythin about this plas except thes pantz I got to wer cuz they are way to tite in the crotch.

Miz P, I shur wud like to tak yu out to dinner sum nite an maybe a sho after words. Plez say the wurds that wil give me hope that my attenshunz are hopefull.

Yur freind
Debbie Earl


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Debbie Earl
Date: 02 Aug 03 - 09:36 PM


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: khandu
Date: 02 Aug 03 - 08:21 PM

Kim C...all this strangeness was planned!!! Yes, it is true!

In a previous post, you referred to me, khandu, as a god. Well, I am not a god, I am a King and I am a religion in some parts of the world, but not a god.

So the Big Guy read your post and said to Himself, "Hmmmm, so Kim C thinks King khandu is a god. I think I'll do something to get her attention." That's what he said to Himself.

Twas in the Spring one sunny day
My true love left me, she went away.
And now she's gone, but I ain't worried
And I'm Sitting on top of the world


Ever belly dance to that tune??

Kk


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Kim C
Date: 02 Aug 03 - 08:06 PM

I would like to point out, I have had a strange 24 hours.

Last night, I was up late, as is often my habit on Fridays, and just before I turned off the tube, I saw twin midgets on an infomercial for some get-rich-quick real estate scheme. Twin midgets. Selling a real estate scheme. I thought, did I just see that?

And this afternoon, Mister and I went to the Chinese buffet. It is in a largely Hispanic part of town, so many of the other patrons were, understandably, Hispanic. I listened closely to the music on the stereo system, and it was..... Silver Bells. Christmas music. I'm at a Chinese buffet, surrounded by people speaking Spanish, listening to Christmas music. I thought Peter Funt might jump out at any second.

My fortune said, "You will soon be sitting on top of the world." I said to Mister, that probably means I'll trip coming down the stairs, and land on top of the globe in the hallway.

What else can possibly happen?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: lazy f
Date: 02 Aug 03 - 08:01 PM

aaaawww, he knows the meanin, just aint got none!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 02 Aug 03 - 07:49 PM

You don't know the meaning of shame, do you? :-)

- LH


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: khandu
Date: 02 Aug 03 - 07:40 PM

Hey!

800 posts of undefiled BS!!!



Kk


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: khandu
Date: 02 Aug 03 - 07:39 PM

If you wonder where, then you ain't there! Mississippi is the place to be!!!!!

The joint is a'jumpin!!

Kk


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 02 Aug 03 - 06:05 PM

Oh no.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: khandu
Date: 02 Aug 03 - 06:00 PM

Boy, oh, boy! The

Joe Offer Festivities

are in full swing down here in Mississippi! The Guinness is flowing like the Mighty River; the Royal Lucky Wife, Cheryl, is dancing around with her pasties and tassels, being backed up by the Royal Dancing Tarts! The Royal Forkers are keeping time with their trowels and swords! Tinker, the Royal Rat Terrorist, is howling in harmony with the Howling Wolf LPs playing on the Royal HiFi! The beautiful fragrance of kerosene wafts through the village. And once an hour, on the hour, the entire populace shouts;

HAPPY


BIRTHMONTH,


JOE OFFER!!



And the best thing about all this is THIS IS JUST THE BEGINNING!!!
We have thirty more days left!!!


Man!!! This is the

BEST OF TIMES!!!!



Ain't Life Grand??!!

khandu


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Ms Penelope Rutledge
Date: 02 Aug 03 - 05:34 PM

Don't try to teach your grandmother how to cheat at bingo, Amos. My little feud with Tweed does go back a long way, but he started it!

And the only thing that is in a quivering, helpless condition of degenerate desuetude around here is the judiciary's moral authority over preening, posturing, licentious, tippling, invertebrate scoundrels who imagine themselves to be pillars of art and society when they should be cooling their heels in a dank prison cell.

Well, yes, and certain little hopeful male parts too...lurking in the wings here and there imagining glorious conquests. But I won't elaborate on that. It would be much ado about almost nothing, I can assure you.

Speaking of which, I see that I have another hillbilly admirer. Thank God the Ozarks are so far from Twillingsgate! I am a little puzzled as to whether "Debbie Earl" is male or female, but I am assuming male, as females are seldom quite that stupid...although with enough inbreeding I suppose anything is possible!

I think it's really Bobert trying to be funny. No one would name a child "Debbie Earl".

* PR


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 02 Aug 03 - 10:55 AM

My God! Texas and Mississipi just got vaporized!!! I saw it on CNN!

No...wait...this is the wrong thread...

Dreadfully sorry, folks. Please disregard that bulletin.

- LH


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Kim C
Date: 01 Aug 03 - 10:50 AM

I like cheese, and ice cream. Not necessarily together. It's rare that I meet a dairy product I don't like. Once in awile there's a cheese that throws me for a loop. I once bought a soft cheese, similar to brie, that surely was rotten. It had to be. It was the nastiest thing I'd ever smelled or tasted. It started with an R but I don't remember the name of it now. I figured it was worth $3 to find out.

Mudcatter Mad Maudlin recommended to me a German cheese called Harzer. She warned me that it smelled rather fragrant. I didn't care much for it either, but once again, it was worth $3 to find out.

My friend Craddock has a thing for smelly cheese. He is especially fond of Stilton, and has it out almost every time we go to his house. I can take it in small doses. I found a Stilton with cranberries once, though, and that was fabulous. The berries gave it a sweeter flavor.

Me, I like Gorgonzola on a salad, with some walnuts. Yummmmmm. And feta. I will make a complete ass of myself over feta cheese. Especially if it's accompanied by a little dish of Greek olives.

And chevre is excellent. It's really swell this way: Buy you one of them frozen 4-cheese pizzas, a pack of chevre (crumbled if you can find it), sun-dried tomatoes, and artichoke hearts. Then go fix up that pizza. You can turn it into a Greek pizza if you use feta instead of chevre, and add some olives.

Rum Raisin is my favorite Haagen-Dazs too, but they had another one years ago that I really liked, that they don't make anymore. Raspberry sorbet swirled with vanilla ice cream. So nowadays I just buy raspberry sorbet, and vanilla ice cream, and have a scoop of each. It isn't quite the same, but it will do.

I am now convinced that Khandu is a god, since he lives in Mississippi.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 01 Aug 03 - 09:10 AM

Penelope:

I believe, as long as we are "clearing the air". so to speak, that you might be a bit more candid on the topic of your instantaneous damping reaction whenever Tweed's name is mentioned, and the fact that you would be entirely at his whim should he so much as glance cross-eyed or think a salacious thought in your general direction! And -- should you purasue this recommended course -- do include the observation that you have been in this quivering, helpless condition of degenerate desuetude for a number of years now!!

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Debbie Earl
Date: 01 Aug 03 - 08:55 AM

Miz Penylopy, I never saw you afore now an youre, yor, yur just a purdy as a sack of new puppys aforen they tak their furst pee! I never saw nobody like you befor, not even ol Bubba Bubba's mother, who wuz 1 gud lookin thing, lemme tell yu. Miz P (iffen I may be so bold as to address yu familur like), may I offer yu the purtekshun of my strong arms and the shield of my own body? An to show that my intenshuns are onorable I'll wear pants, even tho they do cramp me up some in the krotch. Why, yur purdier than even Bubba Bubba, Miz P, yor purdier than the roses blumin behind the outhous, an thats some purdy, Miz P.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Ms Penelope Rutledge
Date: 01 Aug 03 - 01:01 AM

Well, well. The King has returned! How nice. After all, what is a kingdom without a king? Even a kingdom of utter nonsense requires a monarch to give it a sense of disorder and instability. Welcome back, Khandu!

Now I wish to address myself to a certain bit of rubbish that has been making the rounds here, namely that I have been posting under various other names...such as Tweed, for one. This is not so. I never post under aliases and would not be caught dead posting as "Tweed". Tweed is a puerile idiot who seldom if ever has anything useful to say.

As one might expect, he loves this thread! What more need I say?

* PR


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 01 Aug 03 - 12:57 AM

Yes folkhs, Khing khandu joins the illustrious rankhs of Jesus Khrist and Freddy Khruger. Just khan't seem to khill the sumbitch off.

Hi, Khenny. Been pickhin' much?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: khandu
Date: 01 Aug 03 - 12:09 AM

I HAVE RETURNED!!!!

I had planned to be gone one more month, but I remembered...
THIS IS JOE OFFER'S BIRTHMONTH!!!!
I had to return to give Joe my best wishes.
And, to my surprise, there...falling to the bottom of the board was

THE MOAB THREAD!!!



Still alive and well!!!!

I am soooo happy that my fellow BSers have continued the wonderful Mudcat Tradition of 99.99% undefiled Bullshat!!!
What a wonderful bunch a guys and gals you are!
{~~~sniff~~~sob~~~}
They say Love makes the world go round, but I say BS runs a close second!
What's all this cow entourage and cheese crap? That ain't BS...that is perverted stupidity! Who is Thespian and who let him in???

Each of you regular contributors to this thread are hereby granted place in my Royal Advisory!!!!

What a wonderful bunch of BSers you are!

King khandu


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Debbie Earl
Date: 31 Jul 03 - 08:13 AM

Where the hell is that goddamn Khandon't? He's off with Bubba Bubba somewhere, I know he is and when I catch em togedder I'm gonna reach rite down that louse covered peice of scab's throat, grab aholt of his toes, pull strate up and turn that outhouse fillin inside out. Then I'm gonna hurt him bad. Any body that does that with Bubba Bubba, teachin' her all those things, why never in all my life have I ever even thought about some of those things an I was pertecting lil BB an when I ketch him I'm gonna teach him bout nonvilence, you bet your arsy-darsy, Daisy.

You go on now an tell him I'm lookin for him.

Sides, BB is too young. She's jist under four thousand, an he's guilty of all sorts of shit.

Gonna tie one of his arms to a tree and pull on the other one til it's as stretched as it'll go. Then I'm gonna let go and watch him bounce back.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rustic Rebel
Date: 31 Jul 03 - 12:16 AM

BFD?
Bloody farting dude- no that would be Spaw.
Bed fed Druid, I don't think so, but could be.
Burnt out Fed., that could explain where all the mushrooms went to.
Big Foot's Dad, he is kinda hairy.

Hell I don't know what it means, so big fucking deal anyway.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Tweed
Date: 30 Jul 03 - 11:27 PM

Where is KingKhandu you ask GUEST THESPIAN? Yes it the same question is on the minds of thousands worldwide. I am only a voice in the Everglades but even now He is gathering his armies and laying up vast storehouses of Bullshit in preparation for an onslaught of biblical proportions. Shatner will be shat out, cows will tremble, women will slather themselves with wrinkle remover, grown men will stuff suppostitories in their nostrils and weep at the Return of the King of all Bullshit.

Tweed
KOTROT Duc de Mallard

P.S. BeeDub, does your latest title BFD stand for what I think it does? HAW, good one!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 30 Jul 03 - 11:09 PM

YEEEEEHAAAAW!!!!

THE MOAB RIDES AGAIN!!!!


Cheese? Who gives a rat's ass about cheese? Cows? Whafuck with the cows? We want BULLS! Can't have BULLSHIT without BULLS!

"But mommy, bulls is mean and nasty and dangerous!" you say! I say, "Hah!" to that. If yer really scared of bulls, get them mothers clipped and replaced their natural equipment with NEUTICLES! Works real good fer keepin' mushroom huntin' hippies outta yer cow pasture. They ain't gonna get close enuff to ole Toro to wonder whether that big ole sack of nuts is the real thing or just plastic!


Thank you for yer support,

BWL KOT LSMFT QRSTUV BFD


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Bubba Bubba
Date: 30 Jul 03 - 10:10 PM

Hi! King Khandu's here with me. He's been teachin' me all sorts of tricks. Debbie Earl is jealous, I think. *giggle*

I'll tell you,
Khandu can do.

Why, glory be, I think I've started writin' me another l'il ol' song! Khandu you cut that out right now, or I'm gonna


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Thespian
Date: 30 Jul 03 - 09:50 PM

Forgive my error, Penelope, er...Tweed. I am dismayed that I was so obtuse when I posted my previous message. Now that you have clarified things for me, I cannot see how I could have made such a mistake! As you say,"there are many who fit that bill here in Mudcat".

Yeah.

By the by, where is your King of All BS? Is he even alive? It has been almost three hundred post since he was last heard from. Someone should hold him accountable for all this mess he created!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Tweed
Date: 30 Jul 03 - 06:55 PM

HAW!! Thespian! Nobody mentioned the name of KHANDU!! Perhaps I was thinking of some other Monarch of a poor nation where the subjects are taxed insensible and are forcefed cheezwhiz while their head of state sups on bricks of brie. Yes, of course there are many who fit that bill here in Mudcat. Khandu? HAW! Yore assumption iz groundless. His Royal Visage had never entered my mind in connection with your masked performances, as he is by far more crafty and insidious in developing BS for this thread. Cheese would never enter his mind and as for the entourage of cows? Phhawww! Three legged llamas perhaps, but not cows. No, I knew KingKhandu and you are no Khandu. He has more BS than any one.
He is truly the King of all BullShit.
Long may He Reign!

HUZZAH, HUZZAH, HUZZAHHHHHH..


Yerz,
Tweed
Dauphin de Panola


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Dead Horse
Date: 30 Jul 03 - 02:30 PM

P.S.
Anybody know a good maths tutor?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Dead Horse
Date: 30 Jul 03 - 02:29 PM

I positively refuse to post to this thread, even though it will be post No800.
So there!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Thespian
Date: 30 Jul 03 - 12:29 PM

Let us see...is the previous post placed there by the same Tweed who thinks every "Guest" post is actually Penelope Rutledge assuming another name? Is this same Tweed now shifting his attention from Penelope to the long-since-heard-from King Khandu?

Who will be next on his list? Max...Joe Offer...Rustic rebel, etc.?

I have grown concerned with Tweed's mental state. Perhaps, the spark plug should be checked on the generator, not for the departed King of Mississippi, but for Tweed.

Of course, it is also apparent that Tweed is not appreciative of the wonderful glories of cheese. Therefore, his whole perspective on all things is in question.

Tweed and his ilk are to be pitied...and watched carefully!!!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Tweed
Date: 30 Jul 03 - 06:26 AM

"Doesn't the thought of lying naked in a bed of shredded Gouda make you feel like a King of some obscure and poor country that suffers under the reign of you who spend all the country's money on cheese?"

Dammit, this Guest Thespian's bizarre thought patterns remind me of some other madcatter with royal delusions. I am digging out the straight jacket of many colors and putting a new spark plug in the generator so it will be at the ready for emergency electro-therapy should my suspicions prove correct and his Lordship's condition worsens.

Tweed
KOTROT


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 29 Jul 03 - 10:40 PM

So, am I kinky because I like chevre and roquefort?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Thespian
Date: 29 Jul 03 - 10:10 PM

I suppose it would be proper of me to explain my fascination of cheese. I know it has been discussed among many of you out of my hearing. It certainly is not something polite folk would discuss publicly, within my hearing. I am thankful that the people with whom I have to do are "polite" folk.
Perhaps "fascination" is not the proper word. I know some of you have used the word "obsession". Some have called it a "fixation", even a "mania". Some of the more prurient among you have said "fetish".
Call it what you will...I prefer "fascination".
As years have passed, I have become more aware that my fascination has intruded into the lives of my friends and loved ones. I have become sensitive to the odd looks that cross the faces of those to whom I am enjoying a conversation, when I suddenly interject a statement which has no bearing to the aforementioned conversation, and the statement is usually something like "Doesn't the thought of lying naked in a bed of shredded Gouda make you feel like a King of some obscure and poor country that suffers under the reign of you who spend all the country's money on cheese?"
Yea...I have caught those looks. I have gone home, distressed that my fascination has been thrust upon those innocent folk who have no such fascination for the wonderful glories of cheese.
However, here I must admit...the distress lasts but a few moments, because something deep within me rears its proud head and says...nay,...shouts "THEY ARE FOOLS! BLINDED BY SOCIAL MORES INTO REFUSING TO SEE THE WONDERFUL GLORIES OF CHEESE!!! FOOLS ALL!!!! LET THEM BE BLIND!!! I, YES, I SHALL NONETHELESS REVEL IN MY AWARENESS AND THE GLORIOUS WONDERS OF CHEESE!!!"
Then I sit quietly and watch a bit of TV, hoping for a Kraft commercial, and fall into wonderful slumber and dream about my entourage of cows being milked for cheese production.
Life is good.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Thespian
Date: 27 Jul 03 - 10:30 PM

There ya go...sticking politics back into it...no....wait, uh...that was sausages, wasn't it?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rustic Rebel
Date: 27 Jul 03 - 09:41 PM

Now that would be right up Clintons line wouldn't it, oh wait that was cigars wasn't it?


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