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BS: The Mother of all BS threads

Amos 19 Mar 13 - 07:00 PM
GUEST,Blind DRunk in Blind River 19 Mar 13 - 06:51 PM
Rapparee 19 Mar 13 - 05:59 PM
Amos 19 Mar 13 - 03:47 PM
Rapparee 19 Mar 13 - 01:16 PM
Amos 19 Mar 13 - 12:10 PM
Rapparee 19 Mar 13 - 08:58 AM
Little Hawk 19 Mar 13 - 12:43 AM
Amos 19 Mar 13 - 12:36 AM
Rapparee 18 Mar 13 - 11:23 PM
gnu 18 Mar 13 - 09:42 PM
Rapparee 18 Mar 13 - 09:18 PM
Little Hawk 18 Mar 13 - 03:14 PM
Rapparee 18 Mar 13 - 02:58 PM
Little Hawk 18 Mar 13 - 01:05 PM
GUEST,Still Sober In Blind River 18 Mar 13 - 12:23 PM
Amos 18 Mar 13 - 09:43 AM
Rapparee 18 Mar 13 - 09:29 AM
Amos 17 Mar 13 - 11:08 PM
Rapparee 17 Mar 13 - 10:31 PM
Little Hawk 17 Mar 13 - 09:20 PM
Rapparee 17 Mar 13 - 07:49 PM
gnu 17 Mar 13 - 05:49 PM
Amos 17 Mar 13 - 05:46 PM
Amos 17 Mar 13 - 05:00 PM
Little Hawk 17 Mar 13 - 03:46 PM
Amos 17 Mar 13 - 03:24 PM
GUEST,Chongo Chimp 17 Mar 13 - 01:35 PM
Acme 17 Mar 13 - 11:21 AM
Rapparee 17 Mar 13 - 09:59 AM
gnu 17 Mar 13 - 05:13 AM
GUEST,Chongo Chimp 17 Mar 13 - 01:25 AM
Amos 17 Mar 13 - 12:41 AM
Rapparee 16 Mar 13 - 10:33 PM
Acme 16 Mar 13 - 10:07 PM
gnu 16 Mar 13 - 09:38 PM
GUEST,Jean Chretien 16 Mar 13 - 09:15 PM
gnu 16 Mar 13 - 07:11 PM
Little Hawk 16 Mar 13 - 12:34 PM
Acme 16 Mar 13 - 12:18 PM
Little Hawk 16 Mar 13 - 12:00 PM
Amos 16 Mar 13 - 11:53 AM
Little Hawk 16 Mar 13 - 11:48 AM
Rapparee 16 Mar 13 - 12:03 AM
Amos 15 Mar 13 - 10:52 PM
gnu 15 Mar 13 - 09:59 PM
Little Hawk 15 Mar 13 - 09:18 PM
Rapparee 15 Mar 13 - 05:44 PM
Acme 15 Mar 13 - 04:39 PM
Little Hawk 15 Mar 13 - 01:23 PM
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 19 Mar 13 - 07:00 PM

The puir lad has backslid something ferocious, hasn't he?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Blind DRunk in Blind River
Date: 19 Mar 13 - 06:51 PM

You live in a flippin' dump, man! I seen TV shows about yer kinda places down in the USA. Just a buncha flippin' greesy rednecks and gun nuts, eh? Iditos and loosers. Beer that taistes like moose piss. I live in a place witch you would die for to be in, eh? Blind River. Flippin' paradias! The jool of the flippin' North! Eat yer haert out, bolthole!

- Shane


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 19 Mar 13 - 05:59 PM

Actually, there are three more accelerators in storage -- and five reactors. But if you want reactors, you go to The Site (known to the unknowing as Idaho National Laboratory). They got stuff out there that will blow you away. Literally. There are still unexploded 500 pound bombs from WW2 rotting away in the desert...and to put that radiant glow in your cheeks, there's nuclear waste out there as well! Why, we don't even have streetlights; we just bask in The Glow.

And it's all sitting square on the Yellowstone "super fault."

Wheee!!!!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 19 Mar 13 - 03:47 PM

Hey, you guys have a big accelerator up there. Why not turn it on the town and accelerate your evolution into a a happening scene, dude?!! I'd move up there, like, in a minute!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 19 Mar 13 - 01:16 PM

Yeah, it's really lonely living in the middle of 60,000 people. No music to speak of, no theater, no beer, no science, nope,
none.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 19 Mar 13 - 12:10 PM

SO far from everyone, though...of course there's be you, but...everyone else. :D


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 19 Mar 13 - 08:58 AM

Autumn is also lovely here in the mountains, Amos. Slashes of bright yellow aspen and crimson mountain maple highlighting the dark green of the cedars and junipers on the mountain sides and all set against a bright blue sky -- lovely.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 19 Mar 13 - 12:43 AM

Alas, Shane and Don could never get the cash together to buy that place, Rap, and no one will lend it to them either. Too bad, eh?

It's a great looking property.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 19 Mar 13 - 12:36 AM

Seems like a nice deal. We could sell this place, buy that one for the Spring and Summer, and a condo in the Caribbean for the cold months, just on the proceeds.

But I am not sure it would be wise


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 18 Mar 13 - 11:23 PM

18 hole golf course just over the back fence. The house was built by the University's College of Technology as a building project. It's a well built, well designed place.

Now, if you want small, I have to walk about a mile to get to this. It's downright puny compared to the Frank, but I gotta drive at least 90 minutes to get there.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 18 Mar 13 - 09:42 PM

300 large fer a quarter acre? Idaho is that small????


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 18 Mar 13 - 09:18 PM

The house next door to mine is for sale. Shame would be a better neighbor than the last were.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 18 Mar 13 - 03:14 PM

And I think you are a petty, interfering scalliwag, intent on riding on the back of another's creativity in order to annoy him.

It's too bad Shane doesn't live right next door to you. It would serve you right. He'd keep you awake at night with incredibly loud music, leave trash strewn on the street in front of your house, and drive the value of your property down by at least 40% just by being there.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 18 Mar 13 - 02:58 PM

LH, I think you're jealous that SSiBR is having dinner with a beautiful, fictional cop and you're not.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 18 Mar 13 - 01:05 PM

(sigh!)

Like I said, those who plagiarize my created characters are going to suffer eternal torment! Yea, for they will be cast into the pit of famished shrews, there to be gnawed upon ceaselessly for eternity upon eternity until Woody Allen stops kvetching and the seas run dry. Horrible will their torment be. Hideous their fate. And all because they would not leave the fate of my characters in mine own good hands where they belong.

For I will send out my clones to expose these hiding miscreants, that their iniquity be made public knowledge, and they will be scourged and driven forth from our midst to perish in the Outer Darkness! Thus sayeth the Hawk.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Still Sober In Blind River
Date: 18 Mar 13 - 12:23 PM

Hi ho!

Jennifer Dana is having dinner with me this evening! What wonderful things happen when you stay clean in body and mind and give yourself to the Lord!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 18 Mar 13 - 09:43 AM

I have contacted the Father Superior at the Temple of the Golden Globes, in response to your news, Rapaire. They have a whole department dedicated to providing lift and analyzing it so I am sure they will be able to do something.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 18 Mar 13 - 09:29 AM

FLYING to Portland? Amos, don't you realize yet that the Earth has only a finite amount of lift and each flight uses up more of it? We are fast approaching a lift crisis and no one yet cares!

Someday very soon airplanes and helicopters -- even balloons and dirigibles and blimps! -- will sit on the ground forever because the supply of lift will have been depleted. Imagine a sky devoid of birds, of clouds, even of smoke and steam.

Oh sure, laugh if you want, but the handwriting is on the wall.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 17 Mar 13 - 11:08 PM

Well, I have always said iy, but there is no certain guarantee that the remark was aimed at Chongo; so perhaps you do protest overmuch. Of course if the size fifteen tennie fits...


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 17 Mar 13 - 10:31 PM

Asking a woman to coffee: "Ook ook ook."
Talking to a cop: "Ook! Ook!"
Cashing a check (rare): "Ook ook ook."

Chonga's vocabulary is a bit limited, you know. "Would you like to go for some coffee?" sound just like "How much for the night, baby?" Confusion arises in the hearer, and attempting to "pass" in a predominantly human society means that s/he should be speaking some human language. French, English, Spanish, Arapaho, Navajo, Russian...a language actually in current use. Suggesting this, however, is likely to provoke a response of "Ook! Ook!"


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 17 Mar 13 - 09:20 PM

I have looked it up, Amos. Yes...you do always say that.

But think of the hurt feelings you're causing poor Chongo by describing him as "an ideational monstrosity". It's insensitive of you to do that. Have you no regard for the difficulties faced by an ape living in a predominantly human society where he encounters specist prejudice and crude stereotyping on every hand? Where ignorant morons refer to him as "a monkey"? Where he must agonize over whether or not he will be properly understood when he politely asks an attractive woman if she would like to go out for coffee sometime? When he must endure the impolite stares of fools on the street who can't take the sight of a fedora & trenchcoat-wearing ape in their stride and just act normal? When he is denied his civil rights in a hundred different ways?

Fie, sir! Fie! For shame.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 17 Mar 13 - 07:49 PM

You COULD board a plane, fly to SLC, then take another plane and come visit Eiseley and myself. But I doubt if you will. No one comes to visit us. Oh, Truman came through on a train once, and so did Garfield. But no one recently. To take a train here you'd have to hop a freight and you're too old for that sort of thing. I'd even share my shack with you and give you a blanket that didn't have too many holes in it and share a tin of Mulligan with you. Even some Thunderbird or Boone's Farm.

But no. Go visit with your rich upper-class millionaire friends in Portland. Remember though, that an injury to one is an injury to all.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 17 Mar 13 - 05:49 PM

Bald spot? Tsk tsk. Sad, indeed. Certainly below usual calibre. Cloudy day? Had to wear a sweater?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 17 Mar 13 - 05:46 PM

Next week, Dear Mom, I will be traveling to faraway Portland, birthplace of the Caffeinian Revolution and hot-bed of treehuggers and Anticarbonistas of all stripes.

I go with glad hand and heavy heart, first to play and sing at the Singtimes weekend, but then in the middle of it all to slip off to a funeral service on Saturday, then to return to resume my musical festivities. I shall be thus engaged until the following Tuesday, methinks. I may be able to check in but can promise nothing.

Therefore I do charge my siblings to redouble their efforts to raise both the volume and the quality of BS they produce for the sake of Mom's renown. Do you so with vigah and great cheer, knowing that before much longer, the Great Forty Eight of K shall loom upon the horizon to beckon us all home to her golden bosom.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 17 Mar 13 - 05:00 PM

Better to banter with a beef-witted bookmonger than to pander to an ideational monstrosity, I always say. It's true--I always say that. You could look it up.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 17 Mar 13 - 03:46 PM

Hmmm. I think Chongo needs both of you to write his campaign speeches.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 17 Mar 13 - 03:24 PM

Nahh, all he does is waggle his foot in the air and make grumpy farts. My kidneys are so far removed from his puerile efforts at nullification that they only produce a light breeze around his bald spot.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Chongo Chimp
Date: 17 Mar 13 - 01:35 PM

Har! Har! ;-D I gotta admit, Rap, that you have a great way with words when it comes to deliverin' a swift kick to the kidneys. I should get you to write some of my speeches for the next campaign.

- Chongo


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 17 Mar 13 - 11:21 AM

Ewww. I need to go wash my eyes out.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 17 Mar 13 - 09:59 AM

Shooting at paper targets in a venue copied exactly from an Olympic sport is "oblique, covert, hidden anger"? There was no anger there, naught but good cheer, mutual helpfulness, and camaraderie. I do not think that because I chose to use civil language and simple good manners means that I am disguising anything. I could indeed (and possibly in fact) tell you that your are a spit-licking, flea-infested, off-key singing wandering wastrel whose parents met only once (and then briefly) during the re-use of a leaky condom, but I shan't. I shall simply chide you on your poor attempt at psychoanalysis and assure myself that when you return home your mother will dash out from under the rusty AMC Gremlin that is up on blocks in your front yard and bite your tail.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 17 Mar 13 - 05:13 AM

I prefer a balanced approach. I seldom BEGIN with rage... I try, given the opportunity, to say, "Please fuck off." first, with emphasis on the "please".


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Chongo Chimp
Date: 17 Mar 13 - 01:25 AM

The frontal rage approach is way better in my opinion. Ask any Chimp. He'll say the same as I. Frontal rage is straightforward, it's honest, anyone can understand it, and it ain't sneaky. It can lead to broken furniture, true...but furniture can be replaced.

- Chongo


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 17 Mar 13 - 12:41 AM

This raises the ugly question as to whether oblique, covert, hidden anger disguised with floral adornments of civility is in any way more desirable or positive or beneficial than direct, overt, in-your-face anger? The Bookeman is a master of the oblique, passive-aggression form, while the Gnuster seems to favor the frontal rage approach. Any votes?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 16 Mar 13 - 10:33 PM

Good evening, Mater dear. I'm sorry didn't call sooner, but I went out of town with a friend for a rifle frolic. Nice weather, blue skies, decent temperature, targets at 100 and 200 yards, .22s only, no telescopic sights, shooting first in bench rest and then in off-hand (standing). I did alright, though I didn't take top honors.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 16 Mar 13 - 10:07 PM

Alas, another Ugly American - I know the Jean Chretien name, but I wouldn't know him if I ran into him on the street.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 16 Mar 13 - 09:38 PM

"les anglaise wise guys"???

WTF?

WTF?!!!!!!!!

Listen up Johnny boy... I don't take shit from NObody. Half Irie and demi Acadian, I trow my coat bot side da road and I take on all comers... I come to fight, me! You fuck wit me and I fuck you... bad.

Macreaux at ten paces! NOW! Fuck dawn! Well, she's prEtty so.... that's my French side... lover, eh? Can't never stop thinkin bout.. RIGHT! Macreaux at ten paces at dawn! I will enjoy making you smell of fish! you, you, you wannabe Quebecer.

Disclaimer... Jean Chretien is a great Canuck and the above is not directed at the real Jean... who, BTW, has PROVEN he gOt da viiice grip, la. Dat guy can choke da shit out of any protester what gets in his face. Learned dat from Pierre. Pierre! Dat guy what kicked da shit outta dat photographer what got in his face.*

* dON'T YA JUST love cANUCK pmS THAT SLAP IDIOTS!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Jean Chretien
Date: 16 Mar 13 - 09:15 PM

Now, you stop makin' fun of me like dat, gnu! What you t'ink, I am your daily laughing stock? Tabernac! Da nex' time I see YOU, mister smart guy, you gonna find dese two hands around your t'roat, mon ami, and I got a grip like iron! Da little guy from Shawinigan don' take no shit from les anglaise wise guys, no sir!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 16 Mar 13 - 07:11 PM

Amos? You didn't know Oaks has been growing Les Biens in his garden for years? i HADN'T SPOKEN TO HIM SINCE BEFORE kISSMEASS BUT.... Alas... sad news from Oaks JUST A FEW DAYS AGO... to wit...

"Gary! How you doin'? Frost got the lesbians so I've replanted with chlamydia this year..... BLAH BALH BALH... Great to hear from you!!!"

rING HIM! i AM SURE HE'D LOVE TO HEAR FROM YOU.

Okay.. we really gotta get the keyboard makers to move that fuckin thing! The bastards moved everything else. Try one a tha new keybords? SOMEBITCH!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 16 Mar 13 - 12:34 PM

Right.

And what should we do if there is a gorilla at the front door?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 16 Mar 13 - 12:18 PM

Kicking out lots of innocuous spam this morning. MOM even needed to swat at a chunk with her broom. Just ignore it or send me a PM. It's damned annoying to get it out of MOAB - the page tries to load completely.

Back to regular programming.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 16 Mar 13 - 12:00 PM

Yes, like having your throat grabbed by an angry chimpanzee.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 16 Mar 13 - 11:53 AM

The only convulsions that bother you, Sir, are the ones that get physical. I think history demonstrates that intellectual convulsions, ethical convulsions, and emotional convulsions are ordinary fare to your zany appetite.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 16 Mar 13 - 11:48 AM

What an unkind thing to say. Shane suffers the tortures of the damned just like anyone else when he is experiencing a hangover. He's even been heard to swear that he would never drink again on the day after a really serious binge, but he always comes to his senses within another day or so and resumes boozing as usual (providing he can find any FREE booze)(it's against his principles to pay for either alcohol or sex)(and that's why he get almost no sex at all...but I digress).

gnu - How does one go about raising lesbians? Does it take a large initial investment?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 16 Mar 13 - 12:03 AM

It's the vomiting along with the convulsions that have always bothered me. And the watery diarrhea, of course. But our friend Shame wouldn't be bothered by those things.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 15 Mar 13 - 10:52 PM

What? Oaks is raising LESBIANS now??? Why didn't anyone tell me? I could haveprovided all kinds of advice and personal guidance.


As for Shame I think his education came flooding back as soon as he swore off booze and grass. It clears the mind something wunnerful to go cold turkey--after the initial convulsions are done with.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 15 Mar 13 - 09:59 PM

You lot are too much. I am gonna go check with Oaks and see if his crop of newly planted lesbiens are weathering the frost.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 15 Mar 13 - 09:18 PM

You're darned right we are not sure that it's "Shame" (meaning Shane) who has been posting those recent messages which purport to be him!

That is exactly what I've been implying, my dear fellow. Who indeed is the puppetmaster, as Stilly put it? Who is the skulking man behind the curtain? Hmmm? Who has dreamed up this utter poppycock about Shane becoming a Christian, getting a job, etc. I know it wasn't me. Being me, you see, I'm in a good position to know that with complete and absolute certainty.

I don't take kindly to people hijacking my favorite fictional characters for their own nefarious purposes, and I know that a torture awaits them in the afterlife for having done so. Oh, yes...it will be dreadful! I'm picturing a lot of wailing, gnashing of teeth, that sort of thing.

Be warned, sir. Be warned. The fate of your soul could be hanging in the balance.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 15 Mar 13 - 05:44 PM

LH, I put little stock in instant conversions.

We also are not sure that it is Shame who's posting. There's more than one person named "Don" you know and more than one person in Blind River.

Shame probably thought "pending" was related to some sort of sexual activity.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 15 Mar 13 - 04:39 PM

It's all in the opaque curtain the puppetmaster employs, LH. We know that, and (mostly) suspend disbelief. :)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 15 Mar 13 - 01:23 PM

No, Rap, I have not read The Confessions of St Augustine. Nor was I referring to any of those other people you mentioned. I am simply mystified as to how Shane's alleged conversion experience has suddenly given him such a good command of the English language. He has progressed from a Grade 2 spelling and grammar level to University level in a stunningly short period of time. The very fact that he used the term "pending", a term which Shane has never in his life used before or for that matter understood, makes this indisputable.


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