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BS: The Mother of all BS threads

Rapparee 31 Oct 12 - 02:35 PM
Little Hawk 31 Oct 12 - 12:50 PM
GUEST,Chongo Chimp 31 Oct 12 - 12:35 PM
Amos 31 Oct 12 - 10:43 AM
Rapparee 31 Oct 12 - 10:15 AM
Rapparee 30 Oct 12 - 11:06 PM
Amos 30 Oct 12 - 09:35 PM
gnu 30 Oct 12 - 06:32 PM
Amos 30 Oct 12 - 06:10 PM
gnu 30 Oct 12 - 05:36 PM
Rapparee 30 Oct 12 - 01:44 PM
GUEST,Chongo Chimp 30 Oct 12 - 01:07 PM
Amos 30 Oct 12 - 10:38 AM
Rapparee 30 Oct 12 - 09:40 AM
Rapparee 29 Oct 12 - 03:39 PM
Rapparee 29 Oct 12 - 03:38 PM
Rapparee 29 Oct 12 - 03:34 PM
gnu 29 Oct 12 - 03:26 PM
Amos 29 Oct 12 - 03:04 PM
Acme 29 Oct 12 - 10:55 AM
Rapparee 29 Oct 12 - 10:13 AM
Amos 29 Oct 12 - 10:10 AM
Acme 29 Oct 12 - 01:09 AM
Amos 29 Oct 12 - 12:21 AM
Rapparee 28 Oct 12 - 11:36 PM
Amos 28 Oct 12 - 11:29 PM
Rapparee 28 Oct 12 - 09:18 PM
Little Hawk 28 Oct 12 - 06:48 PM
Rapparee 28 Oct 12 - 03:48 PM
gnu 28 Oct 12 - 03:23 PM
Rapparee 28 Oct 12 - 02:48 PM
Amos 28 Oct 12 - 02:40 PM
Little Hawk 28 Oct 12 - 02:17 PM
gnu 28 Oct 12 - 12:41 PM
Rapparee 28 Oct 12 - 11:23 AM
Amos 28 Oct 12 - 02:19 AM
Rapparee 28 Oct 12 - 12:42 AM
Acme 28 Oct 12 - 12:21 AM
Rapparee 27 Oct 12 - 11:14 PM
Little Hawk 27 Oct 12 - 07:42 PM
gnu 27 Oct 12 - 02:31 PM
GUEST,Chongo Chimp 27 Oct 12 - 12:50 PM
Amos 27 Oct 12 - 11:57 AM
Amos 27 Oct 12 - 04:18 AM
GUEST,Chongo Chimp 27 Oct 12 - 02:36 AM
Rapparee 27 Oct 12 - 12:45 AM
Amos 27 Oct 12 - 12:41 AM
Rapparee 26 Oct 12 - 04:40 PM
Rapparee 26 Oct 12 - 03:04 PM
gnu 26 Oct 12 - 02:57 PM
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 31 Oct 12 - 02:35 PM

Chimps can't whistle. Their faces and lips aren't made for it. Chonga could sashay away saying "Ook! Ook! Want some, big boy?", but not whistle.

Wait, Chonga could have a factory whistle attached! That would take care of all that hot air.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 31 Oct 12 - 12:50 PM

That is a very sensible decision on your part, Chongo, and I, for one, applaud it. I have felt all along that you were wasting your time and your considerable talents on seeking a totally thankless and awful job: being president of the USA. And besides, it just ain't gonna happen. Most Americans (at least the ones who vote, I mean) are so used to just trooping dutifully out every 4 years and voting for another "man in a suit" who is either a Democrat or a Republican that the chances of them voting a 3rd party Chimpanzee in are absolutely nil.

You'd be lucky if you got one 1000th of a percent of the vote nationally! So why beat your brains out on a brick wall, right?

And furthermore, if you did win by some incredible fluke of destiny, then you'd be saddled with the blame for everything that went wrong in the next 4 years....and a bunch of stuff WILL! I can guaran-dam-tee it.

So...smart move, Chongo. Just walk away whistling a happy tune, and don't look back.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Chongo Chimp
Date: 31 Oct 12 - 12:35 PM

I'm gonna pull out from the presidential race. I'm a private dick, not some hand-shaking grifter. I don't take no bribes, see? And I want you to know that I'm a chimp but I don't look down on humans except maybe the front of some skirt's top. They're just like chimps only dumber. You wanna know how dumb they are? They run for political office! Ook! Ook!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 31 Oct 12 - 10:43 AM

I wonder what his definition of a good healthy day is after such a start!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 31 Oct 12 - 10:15 AM

Yes. A big bowl of corn flakes moistened with a can of beer, watermelon infused with vodka, milk with scotch, bread with a bourbon- butter sauce. (Sometimes I have orange juice with vodka instead of the watermelon, but there's lots of pulp in the juice.)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 30 Oct 12 - 11:06 PM

No, he doesn't. And I should know!

My usual breakfast is fruit, cereal, milk, bread, and butter. Just like Mr. Wizard used to tell us to eat because a good, healthy breakfast is the best start to a good, healthy day.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 30 Oct 12 - 09:35 PM

Well, Rapparee likes it...and he serves it up to Mom.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 30 Oct 12 - 06:32 PM

Child porn? Eeewewwwwwweeeee!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 30 Oct 12 - 06:10 PM

Yeah, but hand-woven whole wheat toast made by orphans in Mongolia is a lot sexier...


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 30 Oct 12 - 05:36 PM

"degenerated to Cream of Wheat"

Better read up on the nutritional value of Cream of Wheat! Good for you, it is!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 30 Oct 12 - 01:44 PM

Chonga, would you like my .45 Colt lever action rifle? Or the .357s?

I'll give them to you 255 grains and 158* grains, respectively, at a time.





*Sorry for the lower weight, but these parts are hollow in the tip.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Chongo Chimp
Date: 30 Oct 12 - 01:07 PM

Hey, Rap, you oughta try out that gunpowder and wood alcohol method on yer other...appendages. Rub the stuff in well, then light it up. Report back to us on how it all worked out.

- Chongo

p.s. I got dibs on yer guns if ya don't make it.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 30 Oct 12 - 10:38 AM

See, your self-indulgence has ruined Mom's karma!!

Enquiring minds want to know how come the standard of Rapparree's breakfast menus for Mom have degenerated to Cream of Wheat, now? They used to be hand-woven toast with rpyal jelly and stuff like that...


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 30 Oct 12 - 09:40 AM

No, Mom! No! Falling off the bottom isn't the way! You have much to live for! LH, Stilly, gnu, Amos...Amos...well...NO! Even Amos is no reason to fall off the bottom! If no one else cares, I still do!

Now here, eat your Cream of Wheat, some white bread toast with oleomargarine, and a big glass of milk.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 29 Oct 12 - 03:39 PM

that I'll take 46,300 as a reward.

Thank you, thank you.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 29 Oct 12 - 03:38 PM

I have been so nice, so good, so wonderful lately


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 29 Oct 12 - 03:34 PM

I dampened the end of my pinky finger with some wood alcohol that I keep around for drinks, rubbed some gunpowder into it, and lit it. I think it'll be okay in a few days.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 29 Oct 12 - 03:26 PM

"Tea Tree oil, use a little Merthiolate. I don't think you could take the pain of iodine,"

Stir yer whiskey with it and lick it off. Drink the whiskey. If the whiskey doesn't anticept the wound, die happy.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 29 Oct 12 - 03:04 PM

Well, I don't mind how it's packaged. I guess I could search around for oe of them old-fangled tarred casks containing a half-gallon, but I don't see the merit in it...


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 29 Oct 12 - 10:55 AM

If it comes in teensy little designer bottles for a humongous price at high-end grocery stores and boutiques, it's "newfangled."


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 29 Oct 12 - 10:13 AM

I'll use the thirty-weight. I ain't one of them teatreetotalers.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 29 Oct 12 - 10:10 AM

TEatree oil is "new fangled"? It's been a natural remedy for topical issues for centuries!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 29 Oct 12 - 01:09 AM

Heck with newfangled Tea Tree oil, use a little Merthiolate. I don't think you could take the pain of iodine, or I'd recommend that.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 29 Oct 12 - 12:21 AM

YEah, you could use old 30-weight instead if you like.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 28 Oct 12 - 11:36 PM

Is that like old used 30-weight? I got a load of that cuz the city won't led me pour it out into the gutter no more.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 28 Oct 12 - 11:29 PM

Apply a generous solution of tea-tree oil to the affected area. It will be as good a snew.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 28 Oct 12 - 09:18 PM

My trigger finger...I might lose my trigger finger! I'd have no appropriate way to welcome Shame if he comes a-visitin' if I lost my trigger finger.

Oh, wait. I could use my left hand. I'm just as good with my left hand as my right, as several folks know who plumb annoyed me 'til I went and lost my temper. I regret wasting those bullets now, 'cause they wasn't worth it.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 28 Oct 12 - 06:48 PM

I hope Shane doesn't hear about this. He needs you around to keep his blood pressure up in the high numbers.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 28 Oct 12 - 03:48 PM

And I was only making a Christmas present for Amos!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 28 Oct 12 - 03:23 PM

A hot cup of orange pekoe will soothe and calm you, Rap. No need to be in a tizzy when you pull the quilt up over yer face. Say hi to Ghandi when you cross over and tell him I still want my ten bucks. That SOB cheated by peggin an extra point in our last game. What kinda guy cheats at crib? Great guy? Oh, that's what he wants everyone to think but I know different.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 28 Oct 12 - 02:48 PM

The tips of my fingers are turning black and starting to swell. I don't think this is swell.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 28 Oct 12 - 02:40 PM

I am sorry for your troubles, Rapparee, and I appreciate the thought very much. I suggest you just by me a nice new banjo instead. I will send you an MP3 in exchange!


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 28 Oct 12 - 02:17 PM

That was a typo in number 7, Rap. It should have read: 2020

Just like Chongo's vision! ;-) Yep, he's gonna fix absolutely everything in a mere 8 years...two terms. He will then retire from politics unless people demand that he stay by acclamation. If so, he'll consider it...out of a sense of duty, patriotism, and deep humility. It would require a constitutional amendment, of course, but Chongo has a number of those in mind anyway, so one more won't hurt.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 28 Oct 12 - 12:41 PM

You had better get to quilting before the amputation if you want A to have a Merry Christmas and a Warm New Year.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 28 Oct 12 - 11:23 AM

Amos, last evening I was working on a quilt when I did prick myself with a pin -- in your terms, "[I stuck] a pin in it." I got some blood on the quilt, and around 2 a.m. I was taken to the hospital for septicemia. I'm loaded with antibiotics and someone will be checking on me several times a day for the next couple of weeks -- it was one of those strains that are immune to antibiotics. If the treatments fail the only hope is high amputation of my right arm.

I was making the quilt for you as a Christmas present.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 28 Oct 12 - 02:19 AM

Tell you what, Wise Guy--just stick a pin in it.

It's only what you got coming.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 28 Oct 12 - 12:42 AM

It's not a spinner number. 66166 would be a spinner, but not this last one.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 28 Oct 12 - 12:21 AM

Sorry to drop out of sight for a couple of days, but I see you've been keeping yourselves amused. My computer monitor started quivering and wanted to spin as I went over that spinner number of Amos'. Whew!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 27 Oct 12 - 11:14 PM

The timetable for number 7 is about what I'd expect from ANY politician, especially a chuimp like Chonga.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 27 Oct 12 - 07:42 PM

Chongo has very ambitious plans for when he gets elected.

1. job creation: move half of the Rocky Mountains to the Midwest in order to employ millions of people and provide some breathtaking scenery for the people in the boring flat center of the country.

2. more job creation: build giant shock absorbers under the State of Maine, so that the next earthquake won't freak them out so much.

3. yet more job creation: More firing ranges and gun clubs to be opened in every American town and city so that people can learn responsible use of firearms.

4. agriculture: new banana and mango plantations in Florida, California, and Texas.

5. foreign policy: end ALL foreign wars, dismantle ALL offshore USA military bases, and bring the troops home.

6. atomic weapons policy: begin dismantling the nukes in stages, after securing agreement with the other nuclear powers to do the same on a common schedule. Objective? No nukes by the year 2020.

7. power policy: dismantle nuclear power stations...they're too hazardous...replace them with green energy sources of various kinds. This to be achieved by 2010.

8. dipping bird power! The new incredible green energy source. Gigantic dipping bird installations will provide a totally clean source of energy.

9. free medical care: Same as in France. No monkeying around. Everyone gets government-insured medical care totally for free. If the private health insurance companies don't like it, they can try relocating in Russia, the Ukraine, or somewhere else like that.

10. Total equality for apes, monkeys, and humans.

11. Interspecies marriage to be legalized. Gay marriage to be legalized. Marriage of people to their own selves or their dog to be legalized. Basically, anyone will be able to marry anyone else who is willing and of the age of consent under a Chongo administration.

12. Amos/Rapparee Slander Law - A specific law to be passed to muzzle both Amos and Rapparee if they utter further slanderous statements against a monkey, an ape, or a human. Punishment for violations to be determined later by a jury of Chongo's peers.

13. Bobertz Recklessness Prevention Law - A law to be passed which will hopefully prevent Bobert from killing himself with his tractor, his power tools, his car, his electric toothbrush, his weed, and his remarks about "womenz".

And that's just the beginning!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 27 Oct 12 - 02:31 PM

A banana and some pot for everyone?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Chongo Chimp
Date: 27 Oct 12 - 12:50 PM

Just like yer head will spin when I take the Oath of Office.

- Chongo


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 27 Oct 12 - 11:57 AM

It could STILL spin, wise guy. Stick a pin in it. You'll see.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 27 Oct 12 - 04:18 AM

Dear ape person:

Thoise of us who speak English well understand the use of synonyms. Go, and synomore.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Chongo Chimp
Date: 27 Oct 12 - 02:36 AM

It's the moronocracy, dumbo! Do I gotta tell you everything?

- Chongo


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 27 Oct 12 - 12:45 AM

I shall not deign to reply to such a specious and obviously false observation. It is beneath my notice.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 27 Oct 12 - 12:41 AM

You are an insulting useless tool of the idocracy, sir, and not worth the spittle on a bee's bottom.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 26 Oct 12 - 04:40 PM

Or, in Amos' case, a Palen-drone, seeing that all them retired folks in Sandy-ego are Republican Tea Party-goers.

Retired folks out THIS way gotta scratch fer a livin', like chickens in a poor chicken yard.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 26 Oct 12 - 03:04 PM

No, he has dropped by to give the place an additional touch of class. I'm usually around, trying my very best to give this joint a high tone (F over high C or better) and some of that-there sophistication you read so much about.

It would be nice if he dropped in more often. Perhaps for tea or something. A nice cuppa tea, some warm scones -- NOT the prune-and-cheese scones gnu makes! -- perhaps a crumpet or two.

That was not a spinner, Amos, but a palindrome.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 26 Oct 12 - 02:57 PM

I went out with a spinner once. THAT is real screwing.

Yo, 9! Whaddya at b'y? Slummin? Ya'd fit roight in, ye would.


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