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BS: The Mother of all BS threads

Little Hawk 31 Jan 12 - 03:18 PM
gnu 31 Jan 12 - 02:44 PM
Rapparee 31 Jan 12 - 02:40 PM
gnu 31 Jan 12 - 02:05 PM
Amos 31 Jan 12 - 01:32 PM
Rapparee 31 Jan 12 - 10:59 AM
Little Hawk 31 Jan 12 - 10:35 AM
Rapparee 31 Jan 12 - 09:54 AM
Little Hawk 30 Jan 12 - 06:15 PM
gnu 30 Jan 12 - 01:23 PM
Acme 30 Jan 12 - 12:37 PM
Little Hawk 30 Jan 12 - 12:17 PM
Amos 30 Jan 12 - 10:43 AM
Rapparee 30 Jan 12 - 08:59 AM
Amos 30 Jan 12 - 08:31 AM
gnu 29 Jan 12 - 09:54 PM
GUEST,Guest from Sanity 29 Jan 12 - 09:43 PM
Rapparee 29 Jan 12 - 09:37 PM
Amos 29 Jan 12 - 09:20 PM
Amos 29 Jan 12 - 03:16 PM
gnu 29 Jan 12 - 01:33 PM
Rapparee 29 Jan 12 - 01:09 PM
Little Hawk 29 Jan 12 - 10:25 AM
Rapparee 29 Jan 12 - 09:28 AM
GUEST,Guest from Sanity 28 Jan 12 - 11:48 PM
GUEST,Blind DRunk in Blind River 28 Jan 12 - 11:25 PM
Rapparee 28 Jan 12 - 11:23 PM
GUEST,Guest from Sanity 28 Jan 12 - 11:22 PM
GUEST,Chongo Chimp 28 Jan 12 - 11:17 PM
Rapparee 28 Jan 12 - 11:06 PM
GUEST,Blind DRunk in Blind River 28 Jan 12 - 11:04 PM
gnu 28 Jan 12 - 10:38 PM
GUEST,Blind DRunk in Blind River 28 Jan 12 - 08:20 PM
Amos 28 Jan 12 - 07:59 PM
Little Hawk 28 Jan 12 - 07:58 PM
gnu 28 Jan 12 - 07:31 PM
Little Hawk 28 Jan 12 - 07:21 PM
gnu 28 Jan 12 - 04:44 PM
Rapparee 28 Jan 12 - 03:57 PM
gnu 28 Jan 12 - 03:27 PM
Amos 28 Jan 12 - 02:55 PM
Acme 28 Jan 12 - 01:18 PM
Little Hawk 28 Jan 12 - 11:52 AM
Little Hawk 28 Jan 12 - 11:50 AM
Amos 28 Jan 12 - 11:30 AM
Little Hawk 28 Jan 12 - 11:09 AM
Amos 28 Jan 12 - 10:40 AM
Rapparee 28 Jan 12 - 10:06 AM
Acme 28 Jan 12 - 02:03 AM
Rapparee 27 Jan 12 - 10:51 PM
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 31 Jan 12 - 03:18 PM

You don't understand how the Sudbury cops feel about Shane. Specially after this last episode! It would take a full brigade of US Marines and Special Forces armed with tanks and Blackhawk helicopters to get him out this time. Trust me.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 31 Jan 12 - 02:44 PM

You got a mean streak.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 31 Jan 12 - 02:40 PM

Get a mule and a rope...good idea. Spring Shame from durance vile. Let's see: make a double bight in the rope with extra length in the running end. Wrap the running end around the doubled rope, working towards the standing end. When you reach the top bight, put the running end through the bight and pull the downwards on the standing end side of the loop to tighten it around the running end.

Set Shame on the back of the mule and fasten the standing end to a sturdy tree branch about 15 feet up and the loop in the running end around Sham's neck. Tighten the loop under Shame's left ear and give the hind end of the mule a good slap with your hat.

"Where's Shame?"
"Oh, just hangin' around."


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 31 Jan 12 - 02:05 PM

Good choice, Amos but a bowline would suffice on nerf bars and it would make for fast retrieval of the rope which would be of utmost importance on accounta I don't anyone would spend money ta break out Shane.

Speakin a yer jailbreaks, Rap... hope you send the Durham, Ontario break vid to everybody here ceptin A. I am about to do that. Forgot earlier.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 31 Jan 12 - 01:32 PM

I am sure someone in the area has a mule they would rent out for the night. A bight around the window bars and a good pull, and he's sprung to his doom...


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 31 Jan 12 - 10:59 AM

You mean the place with Nerf bars on the windows?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 31 Jan 12 - 10:35 AM

You're gonna have to spring him out of the Sudbury jail.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 31 Jan 12 - 09:54 AM

Cheaper, too. I know a guy who has a sawmill and he has "connections" in Ontario. This could work, yeah....


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 30 Jan 12 - 06:15 PM

LOL!!!!!!!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 30 Jan 12 - 01:23 PM

Hahahahahaahehehehee


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 30 Jan 12 - 12:37 PM

Me too, Amos.

Rap, if you're going to do some trans-gender alteration on Shane, then why not skip the crematorium and use the tied-to-a-log-in-a-sawmill approach and send him in feet-first? It'll take care of that gender surgery and the rest in one fell swoop.

I was looking for a photo and found this instead:

A gentleman diner asked a waiter to take a bottle of Merlot to an attractive woman sitting alone at another table. The waiter took the Merlot to the woman and said, "This is from the gentleman seated over there," indicating the sender.

She regarded the wine coolly for a second, not looking at the man, and decided to send a reply note to the man.

The waiter, who was lingering for a response, took the note from her and conveyed it to the gentleman. The note read: "For me to accept this bottle, you need to have a Mercedes in your garage, a million dollars in the bank, and 7 inches in your pants."

After reading the note, the man decided to compose one of his own in return. He folded the note, handed it to the waiter and instructed him to return this to the woman. It read: "For your information, I have a Ferrari 360 Spyder, an Aston Martin DB9, a Mercedes SL600 and a Porsche Turbo in my garages. There is over twenty million dollars in my bank account, but, not even for a woman as beautiful as you, would I cut two inches off. Just send the bottle back...


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 30 Jan 12 - 12:17 PM

Sorry to hear of this loss to the community, Amos.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 30 Jan 12 - 10:43 AM

Well, I would, but I have to keep my eyes on the road.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 30 Jan 12 - 08:59 AM

Just watch yours while you're traveling!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 30 Jan 12 - 08:31 AM

Thanks, amigos. Life is life, and will go on.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 29 Jan 12 - 09:54 PM

Once again, A, my respects for your loss.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Guest from Sanity
Date: 29 Jan 12 - 09:43 PM

Have a good road, Amos. Thoughts will be there with you all!

GfS


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 29 Jan 12 - 09:37 PM

Give her greetings from all of Mom's kids and let her know that she will not be forgotten here.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 29 Jan 12 - 09:20 PM

Next Saturday we make the long drive up to San Luis Obispo to pay our fond respects to dearly departed Nancy Ross, Mudcat's Mudlark, who was as bright an angel as ever graced these pages. There are some things that even BS cannot mend. This is a sobering thought.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 29 Jan 12 - 03:16 PM

That's what George Bush said, isn't it?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 29 Jan 12 - 01:33 PM

A bit too much gore for me.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 29 Jan 12 - 01:09 PM

That makes the partial transgender operation even more...useful. He'll be able to get all the cigarettes he wants while he's in prison, assuming that he's paid for his "services."

There weren't a couple of legally registered handguns in that load, were there?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 29 Jan 12 - 10:25 AM

Word just in from the Sudbury O.P.P. (Ontario Provincial Police):

It seems that Shane McBride was apprehended this morning while driving a pickup truck to Sudbury. The truck was heavily loaded with recently stolen goods, mostly home electronics, and had a wall-sized flat TV screen tied down over top of a large number of other electronic devices and smaller domestic items.

The truck was registered to Don McBride of Blind River. Don is Shane's older brother. Police are questioning Don McBride, but have not issued a warrant for his arrest. According to the older McBride, his brother Shane had "borried" the pickup truck without his permission after being told "Don't flippin' TOUCH that truck!" Don says, however, that he is not inclined to ask for charges to be brought against Shane for vehicle theft because "The boy is too flippin' stupid to know what he is really doin' or why, eh?".

Shane has been charged with theft of an estimated $188,000 worth of property, 17 counts of breaking and entering in the Sudbury-Blind River area, driving under suspension, drunk driving, reckless driving, failing to yield right of way, failing to wear a seatbelt, resisting arrest, creating a public nuisance, biting a police officer, and uttering obscenities. He is being held without bail, pending trial.

Shane spoke briefly to the press and said: "This is all a flippin' mistake, eh? I found that stuff on the side of the road. I DID! It was just layin' there, musta got throwed out by people, eh? I was just takin' it to Sudsy to, like, donate to the Salivation (sic) Army so's they could give it, like, to poor people who are flippin' in NEED! I am a pubic (sic) flippin' BENEFACTOR! So why am I bein' arrested? I am callin' for justice here! I want alla my friends and the women of this area to make a flippin' march to the Sudbury jail and flippin' DEMAND justice for Shane McBride! You hearn it here. That is alls I got to say."


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 29 Jan 12 - 09:28 AM

Well, I flipped a coin for you, Shame. It's the crematory. You'll enjoy watching your body slowly burn. Maybe I can do something so that your nasty parts get burned off first -- a welding torch would work.... It's not like you know how to use them or even need them. Oh, I just had another idea!

How about if I finance a transgender operation for you? Only a partial one, one that leaves you neither male nor female? Yeah, I like that idea....


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Guest from Sanity
Date: 28 Jan 12 - 11:48 PM

Good!...Get back to us, AFTER you pick up those chicks!...and give us a full report....Last chick he tried to pick up, his mother has to pour him into bed!
And for Pete's sakes, if you're going to post, try, at least to make them more entertaining.

GfS


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Blind DRunk in Blind River
Date: 28 Jan 12 - 11:25 PM

Yeah, right! I gotta lissen to idol threttes from a flippin' Idaho Potato and a stinkin' monkey! Youse guys are a flippin' joke, eh? YOuse are a dubble joke. I am gonna cash in big in Sudsy tamoorow and get majerly drunk and stoned and pick up hot chicks! I am gonna party like it is the end of the flippin' world! And there is NOTHIN' you idiots can do to stop me becaoz I RULE!

- Shane

p.s. Bite me!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 28 Jan 12 - 11:23 PM

Chongo, in either case I'll gag him with a tennis ball and duct tape. That's because he's gagged us so often with his stink.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Guest from Sanity
Date: 28 Jan 12 - 11:22 PM

May I be of some assistance?

GfS


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Chongo Chimp
Date: 28 Jan 12 - 11:17 PM

Now yer talkin', Rap. I say do the crematory method, only feed him in headfirst. That way the unpleasant noises will stop a lot sooner, know what I'm sayin'? Or get a really wide door crematory and feed him in sideways! Ook! Ook! ;-D

If, on the other hand, you wanta do it the old-fashioned shootin' way, I suggest a tommy gun with a full clip, reason bein' again: the very unpleasant noises of him beggin' and pleadin' and screamin' for mercy will stop a whole lot sooner. Like in about a coupla seconds.

Or...you could tie him to the front of a 155mm howitzer. You got one at home, right? I sure hope so.

- Chongo

p.s. I thank Kong this Canuck moron Shane has never come down to Chicago, cos I woulda considered it my civic duty to "off" him if he did, and without delay. He is an offense to both Nature and society. He makes humans look bad! If he was an ape, his own mother woulda skragged him at birth.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 28 Jan 12 - 11:06 PM

All right, I've had it.

Shame, I thought you had apologized some posts back for your transgressions. You had said that you were even in Community College, working on a high school diploma.

You lied.

I don't like liars. Liars endanger others -- I don't give a hoot in hell about themselves. But you lied.

The only question is how I put a stop to your lying.

Shall I use Jack Slade's way with Jules Beni by tying you to a corral post and shooting you to pieces over a day or so? Or the old NKVD/OGPU standby, where I'd chain you to a roller conveyor and oh-so-slowly feed you into a crematory fire feet first? There's a lot to be said for either method.

I'll tell you what: you pick one of those two methods and I'll use that.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Blind DRunk in Blind River
Date: 28 Jan 12 - 11:04 PM

Workin'? Well...I been lookin' inta movin' some stuff I sorta...found, eh? Some stereos and a coupla compyuters and stuff. A flippin' flat screen TV that is about 8 feet wide too. Ginormous flipper. Don says I gotta get 'em all outta the house by tomorrow latest. I am thinkin' to borry his truck for a trip to Sudsy where there is a buyer for this stuff, but we are still negoshiatin' on that. He is pissed cos I drank most of the last 2-4 he bought, eh? That was on Thersday. I think it is, like, Saterday now?

- Shane


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 28 Jan 12 - 10:38 PM

Where are ya workin these days, Shane?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Blind DRunk in Blind River
Date: 28 Jan 12 - 08:20 PM

I'll tell ya what Rap is. He is a small dry beer fart echoin' inside a flippin' empty hockey stadium! And I am talkin' a BIG FLIPPIN' hockey stadium. Totally flippin' empty. Just the breef sound of "F-F-L-B-B-L-F-F-T!" to break the flippin' silence...then it flippin' dies away like a ran over chipmunk on the road. And there ain't nothin' left but a hint of a bad smell, eh? And some green mist risin'.

And THAT is flippin' Rapparee! The idiot from Idaho. The Bolthole from Boise. The Putz from Poclatello. If he had been borne in On-flippin'-tario Canada he would of been used for fertiliser or somethin' else yoosefull like that, so as to save the eddicashionall sistem a hole lotta waisted time! Ha! Ha!

- Shane


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 28 Jan 12 - 07:59 PM

Unfortunately, even Rapparee's most powerful beam of volition doesn't have enpugh horsepower to get beyond the local gravitic field of the black-hole of the dense ego in its center. So the worst that could happen if he rared back and let fly such a curse is some slight stench of bad-smelling fumes in the vicinity of the golf course, which would probably be written off as coming from the local participants.



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 28 Jan 12 - 07:58 PM

Ma pint is, ye cannae enjoy sittin' doon muckle when ye hae been afflicted wi' sich irritatin' anal itch!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 28 Jan 12 - 07:31 PM

Stand? You didn't read the directions.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 28 Jan 12 - 07:21 PM

Aye! But wuid he stand for it?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 28 Jan 12 - 04:44 PM

I don't suppository he would care for that.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 28 Jan 12 - 03:57 PM

All right then, I'll let Amos experience hunger, thirst, and irritating anal itch instead.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 28 Jan 12 - 03:27 PM

I am a follower of sloppysism. If ya can step over it, why pick it up?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 28 Jan 12 - 02:55 PM

LOL!! True solipsism is never dismayed by mere truthiness, good sir. Never fear!! If existence comes to a sudden end as a result of your remarks, I will pay you $100 in hard American greenback cash, gayrunteed!!

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 28 Jan 12 - 01:18 PM

Don't worry, it'll be off the page and out of sight soon enough.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 28 Jan 12 - 11:52 AM

Oops.

(I should've PM'd you that.)

Oh dear.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 28 Jan 12 - 11:50 AM

Shhhhh!!!!!!!   Don't you realize that if the bubble of His solypsistic belief in His own omnipotence should be broken, it might cause a total breakdown? Furthermore, if he is in fact the author of All That Is...it might cause the destruction of the Universe!!!!!!!!! All that we know might come to an end!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 28 Jan 12 - 11:30 AM

Oh, Little Hawk, that just doesn't make sense, you know. You don't go authoring things that you can't experience, it's all inherent on the act of creation, like a hologramic multi-dimensional image.


This is just puerile, supercilious justification, I am sure!!

I suspect the truth is that these grandiose assertions about being the Universal Source are a fabrication. In all due generosity under the roof of our all-forgiving Mom, I am going to assume this was purely for purposes of entertainment. As long as he doesn't start charging admission.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 28 Jan 12 - 11:09 AM

He has deliberately chosen to experience want so that He will not miss out on directly knowing any part of His own creation.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 28 Jan 12 - 10:40 AM

Does it strike anyone as odd that he who--in his solipsistic majesty--claims Authorship to All Creation is now bitching and moaning about how little he has to eat?

It just don't add up, somehow.

But it sure is entertaining!!



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 28 Jan 12 - 10:06 AM

We eat used pine cones for fiber in our diet. When we can't find any we eat back that falls off of trees killed by pine bark beetles.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 28 Jan 12 - 02:03 AM

So go find pine cones the squirrels have buried and open them for the pine nuts. That'll be fine grazing, it will!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 27 Jan 12 - 10:51 PM

All we have is hardtack and coffee. Sometimes we have coffee and hardtack. Once a year we might have salt pork and beans. That's not bad but by the time you sort the beans from the pebbles there's not much left. In the springtime we can go out and pick dandelions; they're easy to pull up once they've been sprayed. And I had an egg once, a long time ago. The other day the funny taste and color in the water was gone too, but now it's back. The fish taste funny too but not too many people get really sick.


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