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BS: The Mother of all BS threads

Amos 12 Nov 11 - 03:01 PM
Rapparee 12 Nov 11 - 02:16 PM
GUEST,Miguel the waiter 12 Nov 11 - 12:53 PM
Little Hawk 12 Nov 11 - 12:52 PM
Rapparee 12 Nov 11 - 12:26 PM
Little Hawk 12 Nov 11 - 12:22 PM
Amos 12 Nov 11 - 10:50 AM
Rapparee 12 Nov 11 - 09:58 AM
Acme 12 Nov 11 - 09:48 AM
Rapparee 12 Nov 11 - 07:49 AM
Amos 11 Nov 11 - 11:48 PM
Little Hawk 11 Nov 11 - 05:40 PM
gnu 11 Nov 11 - 05:07 PM
Little Hawk 11 Nov 11 - 05:00 PM
Rapparee 11 Nov 11 - 04:46 PM
Rapparee 11 Nov 11 - 02:16 PM
Amos 11 Nov 11 - 10:45 AM
Rapparee 11 Nov 11 - 08:40 AM
Little Hawk 10 Nov 11 - 11:28 PM
Rapparee 10 Nov 11 - 10:37 PM
Little Hawk 10 Nov 11 - 04:38 PM
Amos 10 Nov 11 - 04:17 PM
Amos 10 Nov 11 - 04:14 PM
Rapparee 10 Nov 11 - 04:03 PM
Little Hawk 10 Nov 11 - 03:29 PM
Amos 10 Nov 11 - 01:45 PM
GUEST,Rosarita the Waitress 10 Nov 11 - 10:48 AM
Rapparee 10 Nov 11 - 09:33 AM
Little Hawk 10 Nov 11 - 01:04 AM
Amos 09 Nov 11 - 10:40 PM
Rapparee 09 Nov 11 - 09:06 PM
gnu 09 Nov 11 - 08:33 PM
Rapparee 09 Nov 11 - 08:30 PM
Amos 09 Nov 11 - 07:40 PM
Rapparee 09 Nov 11 - 07:37 PM
Amos 09 Nov 11 - 04:43 PM
GUEST,Miguel the waiter 09 Nov 11 - 03:58 PM
Amos 09 Nov 11 - 03:48 PM
Rapparee 09 Nov 11 - 02:04 PM
GUEST,Rosarita the Waitress 09 Nov 11 - 10:39 AM
Rapparee 09 Nov 11 - 10:36 AM
Amos 09 Nov 11 - 10:12 AM
Rapparee 09 Nov 11 - 06:15 AM
GUEST,Miguel the waiter 09 Nov 11 - 12:19 AM
Amos 08 Nov 11 - 11:18 PM
Rapparee 08 Nov 11 - 09:53 PM
Amos 08 Nov 11 - 08:24 PM
gnu 08 Nov 11 - 06:35 PM
Little Hawk 08 Nov 11 - 06:17 PM
Amos 08 Nov 11 - 05:49 PM
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 12 Nov 11 - 03:01 PM

Lambchop, let's not have Widdle Hawkey-poo for din-dins tonight. He needs to stay home and curl up with a lovely bookie-poo.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 12 Nov 11 - 02:16 PM

Poor Widdlee Hawky-Wawky! Him go crazy-wazy! Maybe if him tucked in wif him banky-wanky and him teddy him be okey-dokey.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Miguel the waiter
Date: 12 Nov 11 - 12:53 PM

He go craaaazzzy!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 12 Nov 11 - 12:52 PM

AAAAAAAAAARGGHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!! (I fear I shall go mad!)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 12 Nov 11 - 12:26 PM

Sometimes hubby and wifey have veggies for din-din and even for brekkie in their eggies, and other times feed them to their widdle diddikums doggy-poo Frou-Frou.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 12 Nov 11 - 12:22 PM

"din-dins"???? OUCH! I can't bear hearing that awful term! It's almost as bad as "hubby", "wifey" and/or "brekky"! (Shudder...)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 12 Nov 11 - 10:50 AM

If only because it never gets the time to do so.

I have to ready up, some old friends are coming over for din-dins.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 12 Nov 11 - 09:58 AM

Only if Amos has to scald and butcher it. I'll do the killin', but he gets to do the wet work. I get all woozy at the sight of blood, which is why I'm now using poison. It's pretty fast and almost never affects the meat very much at all and even then it just obviates the need for preservatives. A good dose of, say, arsenic, has NEVER been shown to be carcinogenic either.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 12 Nov 11 - 09:48 AM

Step on into the kitchen, everyone, and you can BS and help MOM assemble some lasagna. She said if you're all going to hang around talking about what she's about you can at least help fix the food. Rap, take your blunderbuss or a mallet out and kill a hog, we're gonna need some sausage.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 12 Nov 11 - 07:49 AM

Well, invite him over. He doesn't drink nearly as much as you think he does and since his 43-step program he he's usually enjoying some little contact with what passes for reality.

As long as the quality of BS is not strained and continueth to fall like a gentle dew from heav'n upon the place beneath. Otherwise the flowers of wisdom will not grow, the sedge will wither from the lake, and no birds sing.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 11 Nov 11 - 11:48 PM

Obviously we have drifted from our roots, and the very thing to remedy this has come to me. We need a series of deeply heartfelt, wide-ranging, sentimentally sopping and intellectually riveting essays in a huge MOAB sub-thread, called "WHY WE BS". Maybe we could talk Big Mick into kicking it off.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 11 Nov 11 - 05:40 PM

That too.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 11 Nov 11 - 05:07 PM

Or why one would bother.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 11 Nov 11 - 05:00 PM

That depends on which row you are in.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 11 Nov 11 - 04:46 PM

It's hard to say "enormous atramentous armaments" several times in a row.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 11 Nov 11 - 02:16 PM

Thank you, Amos. This is exactly what I meant.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 11 Nov 11 - 10:45 AM

Rapp mean atramentous dungeons, not atramentuous. Inky black places.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 11 Nov 11 - 08:40 AM

No denial! At least he's honest about his plans. I'll begin planning the campaign for after the campaign. Bush meat! Monkey brains!! Eaten just as the chimpanzees eat them!!! Yummy in the tummy!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 10 Nov 11 - 11:28 PM

Bold words, Rapparee...but can you live up to them? We shall see. 2012 is not far off.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 10 Nov 11 - 10:37 PM

So then. It's true that Chongo will establish a Secret Police force which will cast all who disagree with his simian ideas into atramentuous dungeons, where the strappado and boots await them. For shame! Before that will happen I will take up arms against a sea of troubles and by opposing, end them. No, I am not Lord Hamlet, now was I meant to be, but just a common freeman who would defend his rights and liberties from the iron-shod tread of Chongo's apes. I am one who would raise a gorilla army and conduct a people's war to re-establish the primatesy of the US Constitution.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 10 Nov 11 - 04:38 PM

They'll wallpaper your cell in the newspaper clippings of your slanderous utterances and perverse machinations, Amos, so that you can be reminded each day of just how low you have fallen.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 10 Nov 11 - 04:17 PM

As well as all your future attempts at claptrap, crock, drivel, flummery, fudge, bosh, bull, bunk, fustian hijinks, rot, trash, tripe, malarkey, moonshine, poppycock, rigmarole, AND twaddle, sirrah!


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 10 Nov 11 - 04:14 PM

Well, Little Hawk, there you have it; the master of Reference Material Throughout Christendom And Beyond has spoken, and your bloviating perorations and arm-waving exhortations have proven to be merely puerile, jejune raillery.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 10 Nov 11 - 04:03 PM

Why do you think Yeri knows so much about what Chongo's up to? She has family members living with/on him!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 10 Nov 11 - 03:29 PM

Now you've done it, Amos. You have crossed the line. You'll be hearing from Chongo's lawyers.

Yes, your nasty little game of political poop-throwing is about to come to an ignominious end. Your pals in the Obama administration will, I predict, drop you like a hot potatoe, cease sending you those little payment packages, and swear that they never even knew you when you are indicted for those utterly false and shameful allegations about Chongo.

You're going to be rubbing elbows with Jack Abramoff's former prison pals. You may even get to meet Conrad Black.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 10 Nov 11 - 01:45 PM

Yersinia pestis (formerly Pasteurella pestis) is a Gram-negative rod-shaped bacterium. It is a facultative anaerobe that can infect humans and other animals. Human Y. pestis infection takes three main forms: pneumonic, septicemic, and the notorious bubonic plagues. All three forms are widely believed to have been responsible for a number of high-mortality epidemics throughout human history, including the Plague of Justinian in 542 and the Black Death that accounted for the death of at least one-third of the European population between 1347 and 1353.

CHongo, by last medical report, was known to be hosting at least two variants of Yersinia pestis as a result of deficient personal hygeine and loose sexual habits.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Rosarita the Waitress
Date: 10 Nov 11 - 10:48 AM

You don't tener cojones to mess with me, señor. You want they go in the huevos rancheros? ˇSalga!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 10 Nov 11 - 09:33 AM

LH, his jejeune ennui is so innocuous that it doesn't bear mentioning.

Okay. All together now:

Because I could not stop for Death ?
He kindly stopped for me ?
The Carriage held but just Ourselves ?
And Immortality.
We slowly drove ? He knew no haste
And I had put away
My labor and my leisure too,
For His Civility ?

CHORUS:

She's the sweetest little Emily
Thagt Amherst ever knew
Her poetry's like diamonds
It sparkles like the dew
I know that she remembers
When when she parted first her hair
Straight on down the middle
Not hanging o'er her ear.


We passed the School, where Children strove
At Recess ? in the Ring ?
We passed the Fields of Gazing Grain ?
We passed the Setting Sun ?
Or rather ? He passed us ?
The Dews drew quivering and chill ?
For only Gossamer, my Gown ?
My Tippet ? only Tulle ?

CH.

We paused before a House that seemed
A Swelling of the Ground ?
The Roof was scarcely visible ?
The Cornice ? in the Ground ?
Since then ? 'tis Centuries ? and yet
Feels shorter than the Day
I first surmised the Horses' Heads
Were toward Eternity ?

CH. x 2


(You can also sing this to the theme song to "Gilligan's Island.)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 10 Nov 11 - 01:04 AM

And the King of Starbucks! Amos's incredible ability to confound people with an unceasing flow of sophisticated chitchat and bafflegab has made him a legend with the coffee klatch set in San Diego. When he enters Starbucks, a hush falls over the crowd. He uses words like "jejeune" and "ennui" with a casual flare that leaves others gasping for air and incapable of mustering any fit response. Few are those who dare to challenge him at that game.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 09 Nov 11 - 10:40 PM

I am sorry to say that I feel rather strongly that my parody of Hiawatha surpassed yours of The Raven by good measure, Meinherre Bookmanne.


My repertory, sir? You wot not of what you speak!! I am the Folke Jukeboxxe!!

\A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 09 Nov 11 - 09:06 PM

By the great Pacific waters
In the village San Diego
Lived the great chief yclept Amos
Mighty sailor, mighty warrior
Known for his Apolliono
Bragged he much and more about it
And one night as he sat strumming
Playing o'er the two or three chords
That was all his repertoire
Suddenly there came a knocking,
Knocking, knocking, knocking, knocking
A very loud obnoxious knocking
Knocking at his new front door.
Only this and nothing more.

Did you know that almost all of Em Dickinson's poems can be sung to the tune of "The Yellow Rose of Texas"? Throw in the odd "Yee-HAW" now and then and you've got the goods on ol' Emily. She was a dab hand at ropin' cattle, too.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 09 Nov 11 - 08:33 PM

Ye be prolific in verse, fer sure dude. Gnarley!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 09 Nov 11 - 08:30 PM

...Where the Great Missouri waters...

Should be "Mississippi waters."

Geez, I gotta do everything around here.

At the moment the largest nearby body of water is Lake Michigan. Actually the closest body of water is that which is in the toilet, but it's a lot smaller than Lake Michigan. Also, you can't flush Lake Michigan. I know because I've tried.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 09 Nov 11 - 07:40 PM

In the darkling Denver Airport
In the land of high security
Comes the man from Pocatellow,
Comes the booming, noxious fellow
Comes the man of high degree
By the name of Rapparree.

In the land of Great Jetliners
He has traveled from his wigwam
From his home of buried freezers
From the town of Great Libraries
Where the books roll out like thunder
From the shelves and from the trolleys,
Comes the wanderer, Chief Librarian
Comes the long-retired Master!
Man of Booques, an antiquarian
Deeper, sharper, brighter, faster
Than the young men of Security.
Smarter than the DHS men
Clever as the black snake's mother
Is the Booke Manne, Rapparee.
Manne of Learning and Degree.

In the Denver Airport waiting
Watching with his keen eyes shining
Far away from Pocatello
From the Lande of Troubling Waters,
On the loose upon the nation,
Free from winos, children whining,
Now retired, Rapparee.
Mighty Traveler! Long-Miles-Eater!
Flies the skies in great jetliners
Passes through the grimmest checkpoint
Boards the aircraft with a saunter!
None can stop him from his travels
None can make him miss connection!
None his calm can e'er unravel
None can change his sure direction.

To the land of Far Milwaukee!
To the glades of Indiana!
To his mother, to his father,
Where the Great Missouri waters
Travel onward toward the sea
Comes the Booque Man, Rapparree!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 09 Nov 11 - 07:37 PM

I am in Milwaukee.   It is cold and raining, but tell Mom that I'm warm and dry even though there was no room at the inn and I am again bedding down in a manger, just as I did right after I was born.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 09 Nov 11 - 04:43 PM

Oh, look, Little Hawk has an i-illegalimmigrant!!

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Miguel the waiter
Date: 09 Nov 11 - 03:58 PM

Ayyyy! That Rosarita! She go craaazzzzzzy!!!!!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 09 Nov 11 - 03:48 PM

Just board the damn thing, Rapp. You are not being extradited or renditioned. Honest.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 09 Nov 11 - 02:04 PM

hle3p im be3eing help captiv3e at the3 denver airpor


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Rosarita the Waitress
Date: 09 Nov 11 - 10:39 AM

Miguel! Who said you can wait on or bus MOM's Table? That's MY territory!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 09 Nov 11 - 10:36 AM

help im being held captive at the salt lake airport by southwest airlines because my flite hasnt left yet


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 09 Nov 11 - 10:12 AM

Whether you are contributing to my being or not is the least of my worries, Sir Booques.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 09 Nov 11 - 06:15 AM

Milwaukee, then Indiana to pick up a car to go visit family and then back to Indiana for Thanksgiving and home on the 26th. Don't fret any, Amos, I'll have my netbook with me and I'll be able to continue your existence...unless I don't.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Miguel the waiter
Date: 09 Nov 11 - 12:19 AM

He go craazzzzzy!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 08 Nov 11 - 11:18 PM

You are always running off and abandoning Mom to dry and dusty days. Then you come running back and jolly everyone along and tell Mom you're her favorite. THEN you ask her for money. This is gadabout, footloose, knavish behavior.

So where are you going this time?


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 08 Nov 11 - 09:53 PM

That's it! I'm leaving!1











1Tomorrow morning, very early, on an airplane. See y'all later tomorrow.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 08 Nov 11 - 08:24 PM

You sure it wasn't the ISmokes?

What we need for Mudcat is an Apple Doangivvaschitt. Just the thing to filter the threads of folks wo are outraged by penny-ante issues or quirks in other folks' manners.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 08 Nov 11 - 06:35 PM

Is there an iPuke? For guys like me who don't need all this fancy stuff or another operation to remove a tumour?

BTW, cousin Rodney is still mostly paralyzed on the left... slurred speech, no left arm motor capability, difficulty walking.... Cell phones are bad shit man.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 08 Nov 11 - 06:17 PM

I have even more than that, Amos. I have an upperclass i-Harridan AND a lowerclass i-Harridan living in Hull and Twillingsgate, UK. I have a muckraking English i-journalist raising alarums about aliens in the Royal Family and secret paramilitary projects involving giant skinks and blood-drinking members of the peerage. I have an entire assemblage of i-simians living in the Chicago area. I have an i-OPP officer named Jennifer Dana. I have an i-relationship with William Shatner...and am working on establishing one with Winona Ryder.

And that's just the tip of the i-ceberg!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 08 Nov 11 - 05:49 PM

In mathematics, i stands for imaginary numbers of which the square root of -1 is a factor. Borrowing this usage, Little Hawk is blessed in the extreme--he has an iChimp, an iScumbag, and an iHarridan all his own. Oh, and an iHamster, too!


A


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