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BS: The Mother of all BS threads

Little Hawk 26 Sep 11 - 04:46 PM
Amos 26 Sep 11 - 04:37 PM
Rapparee 26 Sep 11 - 02:26 PM
Little Hawk 26 Sep 11 - 01:17 PM
Amos 26 Sep 11 - 01:06 PM
Little Hawk 26 Sep 11 - 12:20 PM
Amos 26 Sep 11 - 11:30 AM
Little Hawk 26 Sep 11 - 10:22 AM
Rapparee 26 Sep 11 - 10:21 AM
Amos 26 Sep 11 - 09:54 AM
GUEST,Guest from Sanity 26 Sep 11 - 09:37 AM
Little Hawk 26 Sep 11 - 08:58 AM
Acme 26 Sep 11 - 12:20 AM
Rapparee 26 Sep 11 - 12:00 AM
Little Hawk 25 Sep 11 - 09:47 PM
GUEST,Guest from Sanity 25 Sep 11 - 09:37 PM
gnu 25 Sep 11 - 08:49 PM
Amos 25 Sep 11 - 07:54 PM
Amos 25 Sep 11 - 06:09 PM
Little Hawk 25 Sep 11 - 01:26 PM
gnu 25 Sep 11 - 12:55 PM
Rapparee 25 Sep 11 - 12:32 PM
Amos 25 Sep 11 - 11:23 AM
Rapparee 24 Sep 11 - 06:34 PM
Amos 24 Sep 11 - 05:02 PM
gnu 24 Sep 11 - 03:47 PM
Rapparee 24 Sep 11 - 03:22 PM
Rapparee 24 Sep 11 - 03:19 PM
gnu 24 Sep 11 - 01:04 PM
Little Hawk 24 Sep 11 - 12:45 PM
Rapparee 24 Sep 11 - 11:49 AM
Rapparee 23 Sep 11 - 11:55 PM
Amos 23 Sep 11 - 08:58 PM
Rapparee 23 Sep 11 - 08:34 PM
Amos 23 Sep 11 - 03:35 PM
Rapparee 23 Sep 11 - 03:08 PM
Little Hawk 23 Sep 11 - 02:40 PM
gnu 23 Sep 11 - 02:28 PM
Rapparee 23 Sep 11 - 01:59 PM
Amos 23 Sep 11 - 10:49 AM
Rapparee 23 Sep 11 - 09:03 AM
Acme 23 Sep 11 - 08:59 AM
Rapparee 22 Sep 11 - 09:46 PM
gnu 22 Sep 11 - 06:55 PM
Amos 22 Sep 11 - 04:58 PM
Rapparee 22 Sep 11 - 03:10 PM
Amos 22 Sep 11 - 02:39 PM
Little Hawk 22 Sep 11 - 01:52 PM
GUEST,Chongo Chimp 22 Sep 11 - 01:38 PM
gnu 22 Sep 11 - 01:31 PM
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 26 Sep 11 - 04:46 PM

It's only unbearable when the local idiot goes by in his "boom" car.

THOOOMP!!! THOOOOMP!!! THOOOOMP!!!

I'll have to see if I can get hold of one of them IEDs from the Taliban...


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 26 Sep 11 - 04:37 PM

Maybe they could just flit over the Reality Horizon and track down that chimp who is causing poor Hawkster so much grief. The dissonancemust be unbearable!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 26 Sep 11 - 02:26 PM

Musta been last yer when I found out that ol' Doc Johnson went and copyrighted the dictionary. Noah Webster, here in the State, wrote one fer Americans some yers later, and the Merriam-Webster company has done gone and made one of yer "international cabals" with the OED folks, thereby controlling all of the words that are er ever was in the English Language. Iffen yer speaking any form of English yer better ta watch yer backtrail, cuz them Dictionary Police might be on to you in their black hellykopters and stuff.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 26 Sep 11 - 01:17 PM

Your naivete' regarding the entire situation shocks and saddens me, Amos. How are you going to react when Chongo Chimp takes the oath of office in January of 2013? I think you should take a reality pill, hunker down, and face the fact that REAL change is just over the horizon. Yes, my friend, the familiar world you have so long relied upon, the comfy world of cuddly, lovable Democrats and hateful, homophobic Republicans is about to come crashing down around your ears. Don't be caught napping when it does!

(Note that I did not say "yer" ears. And that didn't count either, because I put "yer" in quotes. I will not have to Paypal 20 cents to Chongo for those 2 uses of "yer". Ummm...make that 3 uses of....you know...)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 26 Sep 11 - 01:06 PM

I'm sorry, but single words in common parlance cannot be copyrighted. Further I would bring to your attention that it is a violation of Federal code of Trademark and Copyright laws to claim a copyright or seek to inure copyright from a copyright where no copyright has been filed or granted. Your chimpanzee, furthermore, has no standing to file for any copyright, for U.S. purposes, as he is an imaginary artifact and was born in an alien brain.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 26 Sep 11 - 12:20 PM

LOL! Good guess. Look, something can be around almost forever, but until someone has the idea of copyrighting it, it's basically up for grabs.

Chongo copyrighted the expression "yer" (and all its derivatives) in February of 2011. He now owns the expression "yer". Chongo can say "Yer an asshole!" anytime he wants, but if anyone else says it, they have to pay him 10 cents through Paypal. He figures that this alone will be enough to finance his 2012 campaign and propel him to the White House, and I think he may well be right.

It was a brilliant strategic move. The corporates aren't gonna know what hit them.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 26 Sep 11 - 11:30 AM

SOrry, Mister H., but perior usage is rampant long before that fuzz-brained poop-slinger was first imagined. No such copyright would hold water, and certainly would not be granted in the US. Or was it Sierra Leone where he applied?


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 26 Sep 11 - 10:22 AM

Chongo has copyrighted the expression "yer", Amos. You cannot use it without his permission, and you must pay him royalties whenever you do. This also applies to "YER", "Yer", "YEr", "yEr", and "yeR", so don't think you can wiggle out of it by introducing some such minor variation in upper or lower case.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 26 Sep 11 - 10:21 AM

3 (three) days to go now.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 26 Sep 11 - 09:54 AM

YEr projecting again, ma'a'm.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Guest from Sanity
Date: 26 Sep 11 - 09:37 AM

Well hurry up!...The world is waiting!

GfS


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 26 Sep 11 - 08:58 AM

The Canadian Civil War was a very brief affair. It happened in a pub in Halifax in 1882, lasted about 20 minutes, and incurred costs of about $250 to repair some broken furniture and glass. There were no fatalities, but several men needed treatment afterward for cuts and bruises, and the cops made 13 arrests, eh?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 26 Sep 11 - 12:20 AM

I hope Mom's BS was strained before the guys on that boat got their drinking water in the creek. Otherwise they're going to feel real bad in a few hours.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 26 Sep 11 - 12:00 AM

Wasn't the fall of Manatee one of the deciding battles of the Canadian Civil War, with forces marching on "Nova Scotia's Old Port City" from the East while cavalry rode from the South? General du Gonge was the rebel commander if I recall correctly.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 25 Sep 11 - 09:47 PM

Nope. I tried to open them, but it didn't work for some reason. I don't know what the problem is. Maybe I should get advice from the guys at the computer store tomorrow.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Guest from Sanity
Date: 25 Sep 11 - 09:37 PM

Little Hawk...No word from you yet..Did they open???

GfS


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 25 Sep 11 - 08:49 PM

What a wonderous adventure! Thanks A.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 25 Sep 11 - 07:54 PM

A toast to Richard Hudson who has finally been able to get a signal out indicating he is only a couple of hundred miles from Dutch Harbor near the Aleutians, having sailed through the Northwest Passage from Toronto and the Saint Lawrence.

What a great adventure!



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 25 Sep 11 - 06:09 PM

Manatee has fallen on dugong road home, LH.



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 25 Sep 11 - 01:26 PM

Mammories? Are they a relative of the dugong?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 25 Sep 11 - 12:55 PM

I'd like to recode a few mammories.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 25 Sep 11 - 12:32 PM

But then, what would they call each other?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 25 Sep 11 - 11:23 AM

Well, I know those people lie, Rapparee. But if the could RECODE time, it would shift all the agreements, you see, so they wouldn't have to lie.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 24 Sep 11 - 06:34 PM

Politicians and dictators do it all the time, Amos. Look up the actual and the official biographies of Kim Il Sung. Or Adolph Hitler. Or G. W. Bush.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 24 Sep 11 - 05:02 PM

The last syllable of recoded time is usually a checksum. But I think it would be nice to be able to recode lots of time data. For example when people get all depressed because they acted so asinine as teenagers, they could recode the time to show they were actually acting as a secret agent for the Gummint, or launching an international career of high acclaim as a poet. It woul dnot change their present circumstances, but by recoding their pasts, they would feel much better and get busy putting things right.

If Rapp really wants to make some serious dough in his retirmenet he will market a Secret Time Recoder Ring.



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 24 Sep 11 - 03:47 PM

til?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 24 Sep 11 - 03:22 PM

Only

5

more days!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 24 Sep 11 - 03:19 PM

My ol' buddy Billy Bob Shakespeare writ that. I remember askin' him at the time why he'd wanna strain BS but he was too far inta his cups ta say more than "If it were done when 'tis done then 'twere well it were done quickly" (one of his tongue-twisters), 'ceptin' he screwed it up an' it came out somethin' like "it wersh dun well quick" an' then he fell unconscious to the floor. Next mornin' we hauled him up to a table an' fed him Mom's patented hangover cure (a sheep's eyeball floatin' in a glass of tomato juice). He jist sorta looked at it an' said, "Tomorrow an' tomorrow an' tomorrow creeps in this petty pace from day ta day, to the last syllable of recoded time, an' all our backtrails the way to dusty death." Then he said, "Hey, thas purty good. I'm gonna use that in my next play-actin' thing" an' collapsed on the floor agin.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 24 Sep 11 - 01:04 PM

Mercy me!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 24 Sep 11 - 12:45 PM

Bravo! Heroic stuff, Rapparee.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 24 Sep 11 - 11:49 AM

The quality of BS is not strain'd,
It droppeth, as the gentle rain from heaven
Upon the place beneath: it is twice bless'd;
It blesseth them that gives, and them that takes:
'Tis mightiest in the mightiest; it becomes
The throned monarch better than his crown;
His sceptre shows the force of temporal power,
The attribute to awe and majesty,
Wherein doth sit the dread and fear of kings;
But BS is above this sceptred sway,
It is enthroned in the hearts of kings,
It is an attribute to God himself;
And earthly power doth then show likest God's
When BS mercy seasons life itself.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 23 Sep 11 - 11:55 PM

I really wish she would.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 23 Sep 11 - 08:58 PM

Moooommmm!!!!   Rapparree quantum-tunneled through his myelin sheathing at the ulnar nerve radius and now he won't come to the Getaway!! Make him STOP!!!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 23 Sep 11 - 08:34 PM

Is an astronomical instrument like a tuba or something? Or does that refer to the price?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 23 Sep 11 - 03:35 PM

Quantum networks build on entanglement and quantum
measurement
to bring new capabilities to communication systems.

Quantum physical effects can be used to detect eavesdropping, to
improve the shared sensitivity of separated astronomical
instruments, or to create distributed states that will enable
numerical quantum computation over a distance using teleportation.

Because quantum data is fragile and some quantum operations are
probabilistic, errors and distributed calculations must be managed
aggressively and perhaps cooperatively among nodes. Solutions to
these problems will have both similarities to and differences from
purely classical networks.

Architectures for large-scale quantum
networking and internetworking are in development, paralleling
theoretical and experimental work on physical layers and low-level
error management and connection technologies. With unentangled
quantum networks already deployed, entangled networks may appear
within the next few years and will form a key research topic in the
coming decade.


http://web.sfc.keio.ac.jp/~rdv/private/van-meter-networking-review-for-IP-110923.pdf


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 23 Sep 11 - 03:08 PM

Did you know that humans share enough genes with chimps that there could be successful cross-breeding?

Why humans would want to lower their standards to that extent is unfathomable and, fortunately, not done. Chongo's simply angry because I denigrated his pet Tommy gun, which he strokes and whispers sweet phrases to every night before he goes to bed. (And I was in error when I said the Reising gun fires from an open bolt. It doesn't, but it still sucks as a weapon.)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 23 Sep 11 - 02:40 PM

I'd say that is fairly accurate. But I am a mere beginner compared to Amos and Rap, hardly worthy of wiping the dust off their boots when it comes to composing veritable torrents of high quality BS.

Rap? Chongo would be quite annoyed by what you said about him being an altered Rhesus Monkey, if he took it personally. But he doesn't. He figures that you are basically mentally FUBAR and not responsible for what you say, and that it would therefore be foolish for him to take any of it seriously. Rather, he feels deep compassion for you and hopes that someday a cure will be found which will restore your sanity to the level of, say, a 3-year-old Weimaraner, after which you may be able to fulfill some useful role in society...like shining shoes or selling newspapers on the corner. In the meantime, what you need is compassion, understanding, and an occasional boot to the backside to get you moving in the right direction.

That's what he told me to tell you.

"What about Amos?" I asked him. "Fuck Amos," he said offhandedly. I'm not sure if he meant it in a literal or a figurative sense, but my guess would be...the latter.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 23 Sep 11 - 02:28 PM

Soooo.. essentially... what you are saying is... you and Rap and LH are full a shit? High quality shit, but, nonetheless...


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 23 Sep 11 - 01:59 PM

Use some gun scrubber or lighter fluid and it'll be clean as a whistle in no time...I suggest the gun scrubber, it's less flammable and you know how Mom likes to smoke cigars while she cleans her weapons. Wipe it dry, put on a light coat of light oil (WD-40 is fine) and away ya go. Mom can be shooting out streetlights again in 30 minutes or so.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 23 Sep 11 - 10:49 AM

Bad influence? Bad INFLUENCE? Let me refresh our memories as to the nature, character, inner beingness, goals, purposes and raisons d'etre of Our Mommme.   I begin by remembering what it is she is indeed the mother of: "All BS".

Now if you care to peruse the last, say, five or ten thousand posts in this GLorious THreade and sort them by author and by BS quality --say 5 being "Inspired creative BS of the first order" and 1 being lackwit mercantilism or quotidien recitation or some such---you will find that Rapparree and I, joined I am sure by Little Hawk, are the undisputed record holders for the generation of high-quality BS.

We loft our Mother on high over and over with our fancies and our untrammeled irresponsibility, our semantic explosives and our idyllic indifference to mere order and rotund routine.

If this is being a Bad Influence, let us make the most of it!!



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 23 Sep 11 - 09:03 AM

See, Chongo is a rhesus monkey who took HGH in his youth thinking that it would make him into Homo Sapiens Sapiens. It didn't, but while it helped his growth it stunted his mind. One day, he cut off his own tail to pretend he was a human. Then he settled for second-or-worse best and claimed to the a chimpanzee rather than shave what passes for his body.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 23 Sep 11 - 08:59 AM

You guys are such a bad influence! Look at MOM, she has a banana AND a gun in her pockets and her pants are sagging all over the place. I found her sagged down here near the bottom.

I turned the banana into breakfast and put the gun back in the hardware drawer. She uses the butt to pound on nuts to crack the shells. Sheesh. That old pistol would never fire anyway, it's all gummed up from sitting on top of the fridge for so long and collecting cooking grease.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 22 Sep 11 - 09:46 PM

Nah, that's a pistol. I'm not at all happy ta see ya.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 22 Sep 11 - 06:55 PM

In yer pocket?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 22 Sep 11 - 04:58 PM

YEah, that's what Chinga says, too--"Licit, illicit, schmissit!! As long as there's a banana in it somewhere!!"



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 22 Sep 11 - 03:10 PM

If you know who to pay off, you can get anything in Chicago. Even a monkey can whatever it is monkeys want -- a poo-flinging license, probably. So Congo having a driver's license as well as a poo-flinging license doesn't surprise me. Besides, he's probably Rahm Emanuel's "significant other." I have heard from my friends who are organ grinders that some people sometimes use monkeys like Chongo for, ah, illicit purposes. The monkey doesn't care.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 22 Sep 11 - 02:39 PM

How did Chongo get a driver's license? Pretending to be Mayor Daley?


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 22 Sep 11 - 01:52 PM

That clip with Nana Mouskouri and Julio Iglesias is really sweet, Amos. They do the song beautifully together.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Chongo Chimp
Date: 22 Sep 11 - 01:38 PM

I don't have a mean streak either, and that is why I called for an ambulance after beatin' senseless this idiot that was tryin' to break into my car. A mean person would just have left him layin' there or thrown him into the river.

- Chongo


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 22 Sep 11 - 01:31 PM

Funny about ceratin memories that spring to your mind right away. Bro had a mean streak in him... long story but I understand why. We were having some ales after he took a large buck and he ws sitting in a lawn chair. Had his 308 semi beside him with the butt on the ground. I was about ten feet away having a piss and he let four go fast. Good thing the little fellah was doing what he does second best at that moment. I was severely pissed off.

That's not the momory... Bro fell asleep in the lawn chair after several ales with a lit smoke between his fingers. I do not have a mean streak. Far from it, but I was severely pissed off.


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