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BS: The Mother of all BS threads

GUEST,Guest from Sanity 21 Sep 11 - 11:36 PM
Acme 21 Sep 11 - 10:47 PM
gnu 21 Sep 11 - 09:32 PM
Rapparee 21 Sep 11 - 07:04 PM
gnu 21 Sep 11 - 06:54 PM
Rapparee 21 Sep 11 - 05:27 PM
gnu 21 Sep 11 - 04:55 PM
gnu 21 Sep 11 - 02:56 PM
Rapparee 21 Sep 11 - 02:10 PM
Amos 21 Sep 11 - 01:17 PM
GUEST,Paco Gonzalez 21 Sep 11 - 11:55 AM
MMario 21 Sep 11 - 11:07 AM
Amos 21 Sep 11 - 10:13 AM
Rapparee 21 Sep 11 - 09:11 AM
GUEST,Guest from Sanity 21 Sep 11 - 12:48 AM
GUEST,Chongo Chimp 20 Sep 11 - 11:04 PM
GUEST,Chongo Chimp 20 Sep 11 - 10:57 PM
Acme 20 Sep 11 - 10:44 PM
Rapparee 20 Sep 11 - 10:43 PM
Amos 20 Sep 11 - 09:55 PM
Rapparee 20 Sep 11 - 09:08 PM
Acme 20 Sep 11 - 07:58 PM
GUEST,Chongo Chimp 20 Sep 11 - 06:25 PM
gnu 20 Sep 11 - 05:01 PM
Amos 20 Sep 11 - 03:00 PM
Rapparee 20 Sep 11 - 02:55 PM
GUEST,Chongo Chimp 20 Sep 11 - 12:39 PM
Rapparee 20 Sep 11 - 10:26 AM
Amos 20 Sep 11 - 09:27 AM
Rapparee 20 Sep 11 - 12:01 AM
GUEST,Chongo Chimp 19 Sep 11 - 11:33 PM
Little Hawk 19 Sep 11 - 11:32 PM
Rapparee 19 Sep 11 - 09:39 PM
Rapparee 19 Sep 11 - 09:28 PM
Acme 19 Sep 11 - 06:08 PM
Little Hawk 19 Sep 11 - 05:59 PM
gnu 19 Sep 11 - 05:13 PM
Amos 19 Sep 11 - 03:10 PM
gnu 19 Sep 11 - 01:51 PM
Rapparee 19 Sep 11 - 09:38 AM
Acme 19 Sep 11 - 12:37 AM
Little Hawk 18 Sep 11 - 08:11 PM
Rapparee 18 Sep 11 - 07:15 PM
gnu 18 Sep 11 - 07:10 PM
Rapparee 18 Sep 11 - 03:54 PM
Amos 18 Sep 11 - 10:41 AM
Acme 18 Sep 11 - 10:14 AM
Rapparee 17 Sep 11 - 11:59 PM
Amos 17 Sep 11 - 11:06 PM
Acme 17 Sep 11 - 10:32 PM
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Guest from Sanity
Date: 21 Sep 11 - 11:36 PM

Little Hawk, Did you check your mail?..and were you able to open them??
let me know, OK?

GfS


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 21 Sep 11 - 10:47 PM

Hahaha! "Tumadre" - reminds me of a funny essay about childhood a friend wrote. He grew up in Southern California and any insult began with "tu madre" and from there you knew it was bad. So if they so much as uttered "tu madre" they'd get clobbered before they uttered the rest. :)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 21 Sep 11 - 09:32 PM

Oh Rap... thanks for sharing that. You... know. I lost my bro a while back too and I am taken back to stories of he and I telling lies. Sniff.

gnightgnu


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 21 Sep 11 - 07:04 PM

You can have both, gnu. Somewhere there is a picture of my brother and a whitetail doe he'd shot. We found some shed antlers and he held them to the deer's head with the "bend" pointing outwards. He must have shown that picture to fifty people at the Illinois State Police headquarters where he worked before someone said, "Hey! Those antlers are on backwards!"

Had a good deer hunt last year, too. Three of us old guys sat by the stove, drinkin' coffee and swappin' lies. We let the young 'uns go off to shoot deer...gets right chilly them Fall mornings and the farmers have fertilized them hills so they're a lot higher than they once were. But we have the memories we created, and no camera could have caught those. That was, for example, the last time my youngest brother would ever hunt....


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 21 Sep 11 - 06:54 PM

I used to watch them for hours, Rap. Sit on a log and watch them at my feet. When I was a lad, before the coyotes (Eastern Brush Wolves) came back I could watch flocks, sometimes two hens with broods of 12 to 16 each together. That was early fall. Come late fall... lunch time. If only I had carried a camera... partridge... deer... bear... moose... I watched a cow moose do a piss dance 20feet from me. That's a Kodak moment.

I saw SO many things I wish I could share today with pics but I carried a gun... idiot! Saddens me. Especially Ralph eating carrots and sugar from my hand. He was about 1200 pounds and as gentle as a lamb. Then again, we were buddies. I suppose someone else, in the rut, might have run afoul if they didn't know what they were doing.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 21 Sep 11 - 05:27 PM

Yeah, I know. I remember back when we'd go bird hunting. Find their perches and blast away! Gee, I wonder why you hardly ever see a passenger pigeon anymore....

Seriously, even if you never shoot anything (or even see anything) being out in the chilly air and watching the sun come up or walking through a field when a partridge explodes out of the weeds and scares the crap outa is and always has been wonderful.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 21 Sep 11 - 04:55 PM

Oh... yeah... I know SSG can (could come 11 to the ounce depending on the manufacturer but the CIL I used (sniff... they made the best shotgun ammo in the world before they got taken over by those nasty big Yank corporations) to get was 9. And that was in a high brass with a whack a powder. The Special Long Range Dynawad was cream man... No 6 could take budders 60 feet up at 60 feet out and not spoil the breast... with my Russian. I have a couple of CILs with more brass than plastic. Dunno what shot they are as the marks are long gone.

Gee, I almost miss hunting... naaaaahhhh.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 21 Sep 11 - 02:56 PM

I bought a Win 1300 Defender with an 18" open cyliner on it on accounta the clerk said I could buy a 28" vent rib full for it. I tried. Nope. I spoke to the VP of shotguns at Win and he asked me what I wanted to use it for... birch partridge. He said (NO SHIT) that an 18" open cylinder was the best for upland. I said, "Buddy, I got an over and under 28" vent rib full over modified made in Russia that could out perform that piece a shit any day of the week in the one by ones. He asked what one by ones were and I told him one inch thick pine trees one inch apart. Silence. I told him I was takin it back to the store and I did.

Now, if they gave you a trained bird dog free with every one a them pieces a shit... MAYbe.

Sorry for the thread drift... I am back to it... a 1300 defender loads nine 2 3/4". And, I prefer SSG load at 9 to the ounce. A course, I can (could) aim. >;-)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 21 Sep 11 - 02:10 PM

Mike Tyson? Mycroft "Mike" Holmes? Mike the Computer? Mike Patterson? Mike Frericks? Mike Jones? Mike Smith? Mike Vandergriff? Mike Angelo?

Please to be more specific, Chinga. Please don't be like your drunken, monkey-loving, flea-carrying brother.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 21 Sep 11 - 01:17 PM

Say Paco, you no-good cheapskate. You can bitch and moan all ya want, but bidness is bidness, and you slipped out the kitchen door with a $400 tab still outstanding. Not to mention that like my flea-bitten brother, you kinda walked out on the Missus when you were running up the tab at my renowned institute of carefree indulgence. So don't put on airs.

Chinga

P.S. Try one of the tetracyclines for your little peepee, but don't expect it to get any bigger. We both know that dog won't hunt.


C.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Paco Gonzalez
Date: 21 Sep 11 - 11:55 AM

Any side of la Chinga is the wrong side. You better believe it, hombre. One nasty monkey, that one. She take alla my money, I get the big medical bills mas grande later...and Leetle Pepe don't work right no more.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 21 Sep 11 - 11:07 AM

How the heck did Rap get on the wrong side of Chinga?

Boy - he musta done something REALLY mean and rotten....

counting down to Getaway.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 21 Sep 11 - 10:13 AM

Dear Terrible and Awesome Almightiness-head:

There is a hooming I would like to suggest for yer sacrifice which oughter send up a delightful smell unto You in the burning thereof. He is powful stubborn and damned obdurate, and pigheaded also. He is ungenteel and pursues weppins and tales of lust and glory. He invents fiction and fills it with drinking and other despites of Your Rules. I think he is a perfeck Candidate and would like to suggest you Take Him Up in Flames forthwith so that you might fully enjoy the stink thereof. His name is Mike and I am sure you know where hee lives, so go get him!!

Chinga T. CHimp

P.S. No-one knows I have a middle name so don't go spilling the beans but I will tell you seeing as how you are the T and A Almightiness-head: it is Tumadre. It's purdy but I don't ever want it known about for business reasons.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 21 Sep 11 - 09:11 AM

In one thing Chongo is correct: you are ALL figments of my imagination. Although I am your creator, I don't require obeisance or kowtowing or even admiration. Just a 50% tithe of your gross worth, followed by 70% tithes every months thereafter. And, of course, the occasional human sacrifice -- it seems to be required, but I'd settle for some good single malt.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Guest from Sanity
Date: 21 Sep 11 - 12:48 AM

L.H...check your mail.

GfS


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Chongo Chimp
Date: 20 Sep 11 - 11:04 PM

By the way, Rap, I think yer choice of firearms is right on the money, specially in the case of the 12 gauge pump gun with 0000 buckshot. Good stuff fer short range cleanup. However, I have an established fondness and affection for the tommy gun that goes way, way back. It reminds me of my youth.

The best thing is to have all 3 guns handy, I figure, plus a couple of good handguns, and use whichever is best suited to the moment.

Then too, it don't necessarily hurt to carry a coupla grenades. Just in case.

And maybe a bazooka.

And some brass knuckles. And a sap.

- Chongo


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Chongo Chimp
Date: 20 Sep 11 - 10:57 PM

You got it, Rap. Them first 2 quotations are exactly what I was speakin' of. So give it some thought. "The Amos" is sayin' that I am imaginary, therefore of little account in his imaginary order of importance. I am sayin' that he is imaginary too, and of equally little account in someone else's order of importance, and that he has in fact made himself up outta his own imagination. He is a dramatic character that HE made up! One day I will be proven right on this, cos "the Amos" will vanish from these Earthly haunts, and it will be as if he had never been, and others will take up the conceit of imaginin' that they are realer than Chongo Chimp...or somebody else.

Who ended up realer? Sir Arthur Conan Doyle or Sherlock Holmes? Whose name is better known now? Who will last longer in people's minds? Are either of them real or are they BOTH phantasms, one invented by the other? And who is to say where either of them lies in some eternal order of importance? I am still waitin' for someone genuinely important to enter the room....and it ain't happened yet! ;-D

- Chongo

p.s. I thought it had a coupla times....but I was misled in my judgement by certain basic lustful impulses connnected to looooong legs and other such aspects. It's an occupational hazard in my line of work. And it makes for real good drama.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 20 Sep 11 - 10:44 PM

In with all of the monkey business, I hope you noticed the great news about The Cocktail Waitress! Another noir novel/film!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 20 Sep 11 - 10:43 PM

Amos, which model of the Thompson submachine gun are referring to? The top bolt model or the side bolt model? I personally don't care much for either one (or the Reising Gun or the "grease gun") because they all fire from an open bolt, using straight blow-back. This allows too much chance for dirt and grit to get into the mechanism. Instead, I'd prefer a simple M-24 "sniper rifle" (for long distance work) or a 12 gauge pump shotgun with 0000 buckshot for close work (more led in the air than with 00 buckshot).

But, as they used to say back in Deutschland, "a chacun a son gout."


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 20 Sep 11 - 09:55 PM

NEver swap cites with the Manne of Booques, Chongo. It's a fool's errand. Like discussing Tommy Gun Etiquette with a North Side gorilla, or explaining familial desertion to your grownup little sister.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 20 Sep 11 - 09:08 PM

Golly gosh darn, Chongo. You referin' to Billy Bob's play The Tempest?

...be cheerful, sir:        
Our revels now are ended. These our actors,        
As I foretold you, were all spirits and        
Are melted into air, into thin air:        
And, like the baseless fabric of this vision,        
The cloud-capp'd towers, the gorgeous palaces,        
The solemn temples, the great globe itself,        
Yea, all which it inherit, shall dissolve        
And, like this insubstantial pageant faded,        
Leave not a rack behind. We are such stuff        
As dreams are made on, and our little life        
Is rounded with a sleep.


Or do you mean

To-morrow, and to-morrow, and to-morrow,        
Creeps in this petty pace from day to day        
To the last syllable of recorded time;        
And all our yesterdays have lighted fools              
The way to dusty death. Out, out, brief candle!        
Life's but a walking shadow, a poor player        
That struts and frets his hour upon the stage        
And then is heard no more. It is a tale              
Told by an idiot, full of sound and fury,        
Signifying nothing.


Or, perhaps,

I gin to be aweary of the sun,        
And wish the estate o' the world were now undone.        
Ring the alarum-bell! Blow, wind! come, wrack!              
At least we'll die with harness on our back.


But, of course, I couldn't expect a dumb old monkey to cite his so-called sources.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 20 Sep 11 - 07:58 PM

Speaking of fevered imaginations, did you hear that a new James M. Cain novel has surfaced? Finished and unpublished but misplaced at the time of his death, it has surfaced. Story here. Now, the same guy who wrote Double Indemnity and Mildred Pierce and The Postman Always Rings Twice has another novel for those who enjoy a fervid imagination to enjoy. And most certainly to film.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Chongo Chimp
Date: 20 Sep 11 - 06:25 PM

You saps are nothin' more than figments of yer own fevered imagination and you just haven't figgered it out yet, that's all. Yer all walkin' around in a continual state of self-created fantasy, bein' the big star of yer own concocted drama of life, "the boss" or "the brain" or "the victim" or the "hard done by" and not one of you is wise enough to get the fact that that is all it is...and it's gonna end in awhile. Shakespeare summed it up real good one time. I think you know the passage I am alludin' to, so I won't bother quotin' it for you.

As fer me, I know that's all it is. A self-made drama. It's as insubstantial and temporary as the smoke ring I just blew at the screen here. The main thing is...are you enjoyin' the drama? And are others around you enjoyin' the part you play in it? Or are you causin' them pain and sorrow? I am definitely enjoyin' my part to the max, and I try to do some good as best I can while I play it out.

- Chongo


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 20 Sep 11 - 05:01 PM

Would that include, say, Stephen King, or is that considered entertainment?

Personally, I find his imagination threatening by way of the fact that so many people find his works entertaining. Albeit fantasy, ya gotta figger there are some nutjobs out there that get off on this shit and then act it out.

I could be dead wrong (yes, intended) as I have read or seen few of his works. Just don't appeal to me. I am fond of humour or documentaries or biographies or... Blood and guts horror doesn't float my boat. Unless... maybe Rap and LH meet (in their minds, of course) and each die in a blaze of sword fighting and gun play.

More importantly, I have managed to defrost Mum's fridge in her basement.... 60 years old and works better than my piece of crap which started messing up at 8 months old. Thank... ah, er... fuck you Frigidaire!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 20 Sep 11 - 03:00 PM

Being threatened by someone's imagination is not very frightening for some reason. Maybe we've forgotten how to be terrorized by unreality?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 20 Sep 11 - 02:55 PM

Wadda ya gonna do, send a lemur after me? HAWHAWHAW! Go back inta yer cage an' eat some more bananas!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Chongo Chimp
Date: 20 Sep 11 - 12:39 PM

So, you feel it's okay to just go around insultin' monkeys and apes and makin' specist comments, do ya? Ya figger there's no consequences and no payback, huh? Just wait and see, loose lips, just wait and see. 2012 ain't that far off now.

- Chongo


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 20 Sep 11 - 10:26 AM

Yeah. That and some ugly, disgusting, nasty stuff I won't bother to repeat here. Monkeys are so far below humans in intelligence that we have to forgive their lack of propriety, I suppose.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 20 Sep 11 - 09:27 AM

Ill mannered is Chongo's middle name, ya know?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 20 Sep 11 - 12:01 AM

Yeah, Chongo. Taking it without so much as a "May I?" Sort of thing you expect from a monkey, ain't it?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Chongo Chimp
Date: 19 Sep 11 - 11:33 PM

That's right. Ook! Ook! ;-D

42100

- Chongo


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 19 Sep 11 - 11:32 PM

And because it's been reserved for Chongo.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 19 Sep 11 - 09:39 PM

I could just keep posting and nab 42100. But I shan't, because Mom raised me up better'n that.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 19 Sep 11 - 09:28 PM

Sorry, Prince Rupert.

gnu will do
What he has to
Come rain, sleet or snoo
gnu will do.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 19 Sep 11 - 06:08 PM

I have several unanswered puzzle lists of names linked to events in my head that come under the heading of What WERE they thinking? - sounds like you have a list like that also, gnu.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 19 Sep 11 - 05:59 PM

Absolutely.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 19 Sep 11 - 05:13 PM

Nope. Better to be a duck. And (a) duck next time. Less stress is more better.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 19 Sep 11 - 03:10 PM

Perhaps you could ask her why?


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 19 Sep 11 - 01:51 PM

Sorry about that outburst. It's just that it is SOOO out of character for her to do something like she did. It's happened twice before as soon as she found out I was trying to quit... but not something so "weird".

Thanks for the kind words.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 19 Sep 11 - 09:38 AM

gnu, this isn't as hard as working out the math for a dam using a slipstick, pencil, and paper. You CAN do it. In fact, you WILL do it. You WILL do it, or I'll come up there and kick your nether regions all the way to Port Rupert.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 19 Sep 11 - 12:37 AM

Thank you for the odes to my greenhouse. Though plexiglass and concrete would be good solid ingredients, this one is 100% recycled UV rated plastic. Don't know if the plastic was recycled when the house was put up a few years ago, but now that I've deconstructed, moved, and reconstructed, I'd say this sucker is 100% recycled!

Gnu, one day at a time.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 18 Sep 11 - 08:11 PM

Buy yourself a boxing dummy, put on the gloves, and beat the hell out of it every night. You'll feel much better.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 18 Sep 11 - 07:15 PM

Okay, I'll try to help.

1. I'm going to mail the money tomorrow.

2. You're a fat slob who will just put that weight back on while you stink of cigar smoke and alcohol.

There. Does that make you feel better?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 18 Sep 11 - 07:10 PM

Quittin smokin is rough... I am sooooo pissed off... just wanna kill somethin. And I haven't even quit yet. I just did the final prep today for tomorrow which is my quit date as I weighed in just under 180# today (that's just over 100 #s of weight loss over two years) and a close relative knew about it and she did something to piss me off when she found out, for NO reason that I can imagine. Why do they do that? Seriously, I am fucking pissed off that she would... breathe in thru the nose and out thru the mouth... ommmmm.... ommmmMYGODIAMPISSED!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 18 Sep 11 - 03:54 PM

When Stilly was a young woman
And her kids had gone off from her side
She found a spot, a jolly little spot
Over on the old North Side
It sloped down toward the Stilly, from River Avenue
Stilly said that it would give her
Such a lovely view
So she took a look in the Greenhouse Book
To see what she could find
And she found a house, a jolly greenhouse,
With a locking door in front
And a solid wall behind.

Now, Stilly was a handy woman
Who never wasted any time
She found she knew just what to do
With concrete, plexiglass, and time.
She said, "I'll build some big shelves in there, where petunias can perch.
"And I'll sit there myself on Sunday mornings
"When everybody else has gone to church."
The neighbors said, "She's crazy in the head
"She's surely lost her mind."
But she built that house, that jolly greenhouse,
With a locking door in front
And a solid wall behind.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 18 Sep 11 - 10:41 AM

Here's a toast to Stilly's greenhouse!
Such a fine house! Not a mean house!
It provides her with fine greenery
WIth which she doth improve the scenery!

D. Seuusse
Stilly's Green House
"Nonsense for our Mother", Berkeley Addled Press, 1968


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 18 Sep 11 - 10:14 AM

Have some tea, MOM. And stick around, later on I'm going to make some banana bread and a batch of bread pudding. Thanks to various folks who helped me put my greenhouse up.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 17 Sep 11 - 11:59 PM

I remember being conscious once....


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 17 Sep 11 - 11:06 PM

Hurray for MOM'S CONSCIOUSNESS!! Where would we be without it?

Or, it without us?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 17 Sep 11 - 10:32 PM

MOM! MOM! Wake up! You've nearly slipped into a coma below the line.


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