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BS: The Mother of all BS threads

Bee-dubya-ell 29 Oct 16 - 01:23 PM
Rapparee 28 Oct 16 - 10:18 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 28 Oct 16 - 02:12 PM
gnu 28 Oct 16 - 01:30 PM
Amos 28 Oct 16 - 01:16 PM
Rapparee 28 Oct 16 - 12:23 AM
Bee-dubya-ell 27 Oct 16 - 07:50 PM
Amos 27 Oct 16 - 05:25 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 27 Oct 16 - 12:51 PM
gnu 27 Oct 16 - 07:13 AM
Bee-dubya-ell 26 Oct 16 - 07:57 AM
Rapparee 25 Oct 16 - 08:53 PM
Amos 25 Oct 16 - 07:08 PM
Amos 25 Oct 16 - 10:04 AM
Rapparee 24 Oct 16 - 08:58 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 24 Oct 16 - 03:20 PM
gnu 24 Oct 16 - 01:54 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 24 Oct 16 - 12:39 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 24 Oct 16 - 12:09 PM
Rapparee 24 Oct 16 - 09:51 AM
Rapparee 23 Oct 16 - 10:04 PM
gnu 23 Oct 16 - 08:20 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 23 Oct 16 - 03:08 PM
Rapparee 22 Oct 16 - 09:30 PM
Rapparee 22 Oct 16 - 09:28 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 22 Oct 16 - 09:22 PM
Rapparee 22 Oct 16 - 04:45 PM
Rapparee 21 Oct 16 - 11:04 PM
Rapparee 21 Oct 16 - 03:13 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 21 Oct 16 - 03:00 PM
Rapparee 20 Oct 16 - 11:19 PM
Acme 20 Oct 16 - 10:20 PM
gnu 20 Oct 16 - 03:06 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 20 Oct 16 - 06:55 AM
Rapparee 19 Oct 16 - 09:19 PM
Amos 19 Oct 16 - 01:52 AM
gnu 18 Oct 16 - 11:16 PM
keberoxu 18 Oct 16 - 10:39 PM
Rapparee 18 Oct 16 - 02:20 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 18 Oct 16 - 12:09 PM
gnu 17 Oct 16 - 11:02 PM
Rapparee 17 Oct 16 - 09:20 PM
gnu 17 Oct 16 - 04:52 PM
Rapparee 17 Oct 16 - 09:59 AM
Rapparee 17 Oct 16 - 09:52 AM
gnu 16 Oct 16 - 10:33 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 16 Oct 16 - 05:24 PM
gnu 16 Oct 16 - 05:19 PM
Rapparee 16 Oct 16 - 04:38 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 16 Oct 16 - 02:43 PM
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 29 Oct 16 - 01:23 PM

The leader of the Single Ess sect of Jessupism (which they spelled "Jesupism", of course) was Morris Ketchum Jesup. Note that there is no mention of Single Ess Jesupism in the linked biographical sketch. That's because it is a very secretive sect. So secretive, in fact, that most of its members are unaware of their own membership. Since being named Jesup is not a requirement for membership, almost anyone could be a member. All are eligible with the exception of Two Ess Jessups like Amos. Two Essers are not allowed to join unless they change the spelling of their names and agree to make a pilgrimage to either Jesup, Georgia or Jesup, Iowa.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 28 Oct 16 - 10:18 PM

Jessup, MD was founded in 1927 be a coagulation of descendants of Jesse Jessup who hoped that being near the nation's Capitol would give them legitimacy, which they were sorely lacking. Bee Dub is correct about the One Essers. Jessup's Corners, SD (now abandoned) was an attempt to show that they were "on the square."


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 28 Oct 16 - 02:12 PM

I have been to Jesup, Georgia. Note that it is spelled with only one "s", having been named after an apostate member of the heretical Single Ess sect of Jessupism. Single Essers believe that the altered spelling, being so close to "Jesus" that out-of-towners sometimes show their ignorance by pronouncing the town's name as "Geezup", increases their chance of spending eternity in Paradise. They are generally regarded as less intelligent and more likely to vote for Donald Trump than members of the Two Ess branch of the Jessup clan.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 28 Oct 16 - 01:30 PM

Well then, where is ya a movin' ta?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 28 Oct 16 - 01:16 PM

I have been through Jessup, MD, frequently, and once wrote a blues song about it. There's something compelling--nay, awe-inspiring--about the name, somehow.

By the way, Snopes.com reports that Amos is NOT moving to Pocatello and has further categorized Rapparree as a goldanged liar.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 28 Oct 16 - 12:23 AM

I was by Jessup, NV today. It was named for Jesse Jessup, an outlaw of no particular note. Do you know a Jessup? Jesse tripped as the lynch mob was chasing him and fell down a mine shaft. He left various progeny scattered across the US.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 27 Oct 16 - 07:50 PM

And here's today's installment of Advice From Mom:

Never eat anything whose label description includes the word "product". This includes potted meat food product, processed American cheese food product, and Spam (whose official description is "A canned precooked meat product").

Please note that the above list does not include beef jerky or Slim Jims, so residents of manufactured housing communities (trailer parks) need not worry about starvation, just the usual scurvy, beriberi, and pellagra.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 27 Oct 16 - 05:25 PM

Bravo. This is a time for Heros to come to the aid of Bull wherever it may appear. I second the motion.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 27 Oct 16 - 12:51 PM

It has occurred to me that bull shit is actually quite rare. Given modern animal husbandry practices, maybe one in every thousand male bovine offspring is allowed to retain his masculinity and grow to become a bull. The other 999 become steers (otherwise known as "good eatin'"). Given that males only account for half of all bovine births, that means only one in 2,000 cattle is a bull and, hence, capable of producing bull shit. The other 1,999 produce what could generically be called "cattle shit".

Now, in natural ungulate communities where the castration knife is unknown and a taste for mountain oysters has yet to develop, the number of males and females is about equal, so the amount of bull shit and cow shit are roughly the same. We humans have altered this natural balance by drastically reducing the number of procreatively endowed males. Therefore, it is incumbent upon us, the members of the MOAB community to restore the balance by generating bull shit in copious quantities.

Please do your part. Both Mom and Mother Nature will thank you.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 27 Oct 16 - 07:13 AM

Less than an hour to free fall... good thing I had to get up an hour earlier today for a hairdressing appointment.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 26 Oct 16 - 07:57 AM

I'm sure Amos will bring some much needed class and decorum to The Idaho Legion.

Or maybe The Idaho Legion will bring some much needed dissoluteness to Amos.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 25 Oct 16 - 08:53 PM

Amos has let the cat out of the bag, so to speak, and so I will make the Big Announcement:

AMOS IS MOVING TO POCATELLO!
HE HAS ALREADY APPLIED FOR MEMBERSHIP IN THE IDAHO LEGION!!!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 25 Oct 16 - 07:08 PM

Which is also pretty good, considering.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 25 Oct 16 - 10:04 AM

It is clear there is precious little considering afoot, howsomeever.

We are entertaining realtors with bright shiny eyes--so far, two. They arrive with bright shiny presentations in shiny binders and dignified fonts and clever MS Word layouts, graphs and tables. They praise rooms and chatter market talk.

Sometimes I think we have wandered too close to the Billy Gates of Hell itself, which must, indeed, spawn such merriment to torture the souls of uncertain Man. But then, I think, "Fuck, what do I know?"


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 24 Oct 16 - 08:58 PM

That's pretty good, considering.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 24 Oct 16 - 03:20 PM

Nah, what happened is I hit the "backspace" key and Mudcat Central thought I hit "Submit". It's happened before. Anyway, here's the finished product:

M is for the musty smell of cowpie
O is for the odor of ripe poop
T is for the tons of turds that now lie, so thick they can't be shoveled with a scoop
H is for the heaps of feces stinking
E is for excess of excrement
R is for a rotten rank pile reeking, there's really no escaping from the scent


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 24 Oct 16 - 01:54 PM

"WTF happened?" You talkin' ta me? My guess is that you ran out of time and had to go to work.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 24 Oct 16 - 12:39 PM

WTF happened? I'll repost the finished version of that pome later. Got work to do right now....


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 24 Oct 16 - 12:09 PM

M is for the musty smell of cowpie
O is for the odor of ripe poop
T is for the tons of turds that now lie
so thick they can't be shoveled with a scoop
H is for the
E
R


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 24 Oct 16 - 09:51 AM

Good morning dear Mother!
Good morning to you!
I salute you dear Mother!
You're my favorite, too.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 23 Oct 16 - 10:04 PM

I refer all such threats to my in-house attorney, i.e., my wife (BA, MS, JD, etc.). As usual, she will be filing a counter-suit for sum of USD ∞+1.00 as soon as the papers are received; potential plaintiffs should be aware that as her BA is in mathematics it would be foolish indeed to argue the amount. Please note that she will be filing said counter-suit in the Chancery Court, City of Fenwick, Duchy of Grand Fenwick (of course, with the consent and approval of Her Majesty, the Duchess Gloriana XII).


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 23 Oct 16 - 08:20 PM

Rap... if you need, I can put you in touch with my solicitors, Pluckem, Fuckem and Chuckem. But I want a cut. These guys are good. Their top gun, a Ms. I. Shiv, is razor sharp and when she cuts a deal, she bleeds coin right into your pocket.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 23 Oct 16 - 03:08 PM

Hah! So Mr. Rapparee claims to have made post #55200! It's a totally groundless fabrication! And a lie, to boot! He's being paid by The Idaho Legion to derail my rightful claim to all significant numbers on The Mother of All BS Threads! I made post #55200, but it didn't show up because the system is rigged! Yes, rigged by The Idaho Legion and the nasty women of its Lady's Auxiliary!

Rest assured that I shall file a lawsuit seeking damages in the amount of some astronomical figure from Mr. Rapparee, just as soon as the election is over. Meanwhile, Mr. Rapparee would be advised to seek legal counsel.

In the event Mr. Rapparee should wish to avoid going to trial on this matter, please be advised that we may be amenable to a one-time cash settlement in an amount somewhere south of astronomical, but well north of mind-boggling. I may be contacted through my legal representatives, The Law Firm of Dillydally, Shillyshally, Lollygag, Dragass, and Fuckaround.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 22 Oct 16 - 09:30 PM

I worked for it and I deserve it!

55200!!!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 22 Oct 16 - 09:28 PM

I dunno 'bout them young folks today. Seems like they're tryin' all sorts of things.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 22 Oct 16 - 09:22 PM

If "problems" are defined as things which are difficult to do, then all men have menstrual problems. No man has ever been able to successfully menstruate, no matter how hard he may have tried.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 22 Oct 16 - 04:45 PM

I come and find Mom lying at the bottom with young men with menstrual problems! Oh, thank goodness I arrived! Those problems could possibly be contagious!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 21 Oct 16 - 11:04 PM

Mom, you get back up there right now! You hear me? Right now!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 21 Oct 16 - 03:13 PM

As long as Gluon doesn't leave tooth marks. A coffee table chewed by a duckdog is a fearsome thing.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 21 Oct 16 - 03:00 PM

No, Gluon does not eat coffee tables. Read Acme's post again. Gluon inhales coffee tables.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 20 Oct 16 - 11:19 PM

Gluon is eating coffee tables?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 20 Oct 16 - 10:20 PM

MOM! I made a batch of sugar cookies this evening! It's like a blast back to childhood (except back then I made a double batch and made the cookies a lot larger. Just for the novelty, I followed the recipe according to cookie size.)

Tea and cookies, anyone! Make it civilized, sit in the living room on the couch and chairs, don't chow down over the kitchen counter. Just keep your eye on the coffee table, Gluon has been known to inhale food left unattended.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 20 Oct 16 - 03:06 PM

Thousand Springs? Looks like runoff of groundwater at the top of bedrock to me. Springs are springs because they spring under head. A spring is a spring because it springs. Just ask Jean Chretien. He can prove it. Jean... he know what he say eh?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 20 Oct 16 - 06:55 AM

This is post #55190. The US Postal Service Zip Code 55190 is in Saint Paul, Minnesota. If you do not live in Saint Paul and you are in the habit of putting "55190" at the end of your address, please stop. Just imagine what would happen if everyone wrote "55190" at the end of their address. Every piece of mail in the entire country would go to one post office in Saint Paul! The entire mail system would come to a screeching halt! Just don't do it! Okay? Put "83201" instead.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 19 Oct 16 - 09:19 PM

High desert. You ain't seen high desert until you also walk over lava rocks that cut your shoes to shreds. That Arizona stuff is a mild walk in the sunshine. What's in Arizona besides a Big Slit? The not-so-Grand Canyon isn't as deep as either Hell's Canyon or the one outside of Twin Falls. For pretty I suggest Thousand Springs over West of here, summer, winter, spring, or fall. Or Upper Mesa Falls up by Island Park. But you want high desert - just don't go wandering around there in the Arco Desert because the guards at Idaho National Laboratory are likely to shoot first and leave your remains for the buzzards and coyotes.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 19 Oct 16 - 01:52 AM

Safely at rest at home in California. It is good to be back close to sea level. The high desert just sucks the moisture right out of you. Hi, Mom!! Hi!!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 18 Oct 16 - 11:16 PM

The weekly grocery fliers will be out tomorrow morn. PLUS!!! It will be garbage day! I live for Wednesdays. The excitement of Garbage Flier Eve is almost more than a boy can stand. I must abed and try... try... to sleep. Whilst visions of sales and seagulls dance in my head.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: keberoxu
Date: 18 Oct 16 - 10:39 PM

Mamma mia! Get back up there!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 18 Oct 16 - 02:20 PM

Yes, he did. That's why he had all that gold that Cortez stole and lost.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 18 Oct 16 - 12:09 PM

Hi, Mom! According to Wikipedia, "Eleven cities conquered by Montezuma in the 15th century paid a yearly tribute of 2000 decorated cotton blankets and 40 bags of cochineal dye each." That's 22,000 blankets a year! What the hell did Montezuma do with all those blankets? Sell them to witless schmoes in the parking lots of defunct filling stations? If so, did he also sell rebel flags, black velvet paintings of Elvis, cheap sunglasses, and boiled peanuts?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 17 Oct 16 - 11:02 PM

Chipmunks are noisy little buggers. Squirrels are worse... unless you know how to "use" them when you are tracking in heavy cover. Other than that, squirrels are tree rats with bushy tails. And, they stink and taste like they stink.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 17 Oct 16 - 09:20 PM

No, that's just what the record tells you. "Sonny's croaked, kicked the bucket. Sonny's croaked, kicked the bucket." Over and over, as sung by Alvin and the Chipmunks.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 17 Oct 16 - 04:52 PM

SONNY DIED? Does Cher know? I mean, she's always off to some fancy resort, skiing and such, so???


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 17 Oct 16 - 09:59 AM

Besides, if you play "Boogie With Canned Heat" backwards and speed it up to 78rpm Alvin and Chipmunks send you a secret Satanic message about bath soap and tell you that Sonny Bono is dead.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 17 Oct 16 - 09:52 AM

Well, boogie on down and get one! Vinyl's back, man!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 16 Oct 16 - 10:33 PM

I have that album. I don't know why. Been at least 40 years since I listened to it. I don't even have a platter any more.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 16 Oct 16 - 05:24 PM

"And don't forget to boogie!"

Canned Heat, Boogie With Canned Heat, 1968


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 16 Oct 16 - 05:19 PM

My pill! Thanks!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 16 Oct 16 - 04:38 PM

Remember the Maine! Remember Pearl Harbor! Remember to wear your rubbers! Remember to take your pills!

So much to remember....


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 16 Oct 16 - 02:43 PM

And here I find poor old Mom at the bottom of the pile, about to be crushed by the unbearable weight of all the heavy discussion in the threads above. Well, Mom will endure! The weight of three Donald Trump threads, two Anglocentric threads that mean nothing to Americans, and something about teaching a youth to cook cannot keep our Mom from rising to the top once again! Rise, Mom, rise! Remember the Alamo! Look for the union label! Drink Blatz beer!


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