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BS: The Mother of all BS threads

Rapparee 12 May 11 - 06:35 PM
Eiseley 12 May 11 - 04:34 PM
Amos 12 May 11 - 04:23 PM
Rapparee 12 May 11 - 03:27 PM
GUEST,Albert Einstein 12 May 11 - 03:21 PM
Rapparee 12 May 11 - 03:11 PM
Eiseley 12 May 11 - 02:17 PM
Amos 12 May 11 - 01:35 PM
Rapparee 12 May 11 - 01:04 PM
Eiseley 12 May 11 - 11:28 AM
Rapparee 12 May 11 - 11:06 AM
Rapparee 12 May 11 - 11:06 AM
Amos 12 May 11 - 09:49 AM
Rapparee 12 May 11 - 12:23 AM
Rapparee 11 May 11 - 07:07 PM
Amos 11 May 11 - 06:53 PM
Little Hawk 11 May 11 - 04:18 PM
gnu 11 May 11 - 04:14 PM
Rapparee 11 May 11 - 03:46 PM
Amos 11 May 11 - 03:20 PM
Little Hawk 11 May 11 - 02:25 PM
Amos 11 May 11 - 01:37 PM
Acme 11 May 11 - 01:30 AM
gnu 10 May 11 - 09:07 PM
GUEST,freds 10 May 11 - 08:10 PM
Little Hawk 10 May 11 - 04:39 PM
gnu 10 May 11 - 04:08 PM
Little Hawk 10 May 11 - 03:35 PM
Amos 10 May 11 - 01:24 PM
Eiseley 10 May 11 - 10:31 AM
Amos 10 May 11 - 10:13 AM
Acme 10 May 11 - 12:26 AM
Amos 09 May 11 - 11:29 PM
gnu 09 May 11 - 07:52 PM
Eiseley 09 May 11 - 07:38 PM
Little Hawk 09 May 11 - 02:04 PM
Amos 09 May 11 - 12:47 PM
GUEST,Chongo Chimp 09 May 11 - 12:20 PM
Amos 09 May 11 - 11:11 AM
Rapparee 09 May 11 - 10:34 AM
Acme 09 May 11 - 12:33 AM
Rapparee 08 May 11 - 10:00 PM
Amos 08 May 11 - 09:57 PM
Rapparee 08 May 11 - 09:05 PM
GUEST,Chongo Chimp 08 May 11 - 03:18 PM
Rapparee 08 May 11 - 02:13 PM
gnu 08 May 11 - 01:18 PM
GUEST,Chongo Chimp 08 May 11 - 12:46 PM
Amos 08 May 11 - 12:13 PM
GUEST,Chongo Chimp 08 May 11 - 11:58 AM
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 12 May 11 - 06:35 PM

I shall be happy to have it returned, as I had for years used it as protection against werewolves and have been living in lycanthropic fear for quite some time now.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Eiseley
Date: 12 May 11 - 04:34 PM

Thank you for your gallant words, Albert and Amos. But I think Rapparee is actually telling us in a roundabout way of his own experience of being flayed by this slender silver stick. You must have done something to hurt it because it has been gentle and compliant for me. Maybe it was trying to get away when it rolled under the radiator. As Gandalf said, "these [th]ings have a way of being found."

Eiseley


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 12 May 11 - 04:23 PM

True, there is no actual threat, given the predilection for passivity in the record of the perpetrator. Oral threats, however, are unseemly especially to a damsel, no matter how well justified. Just smile, tip your hat, and bend over.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 12 May 11 - 03:27 PM

There is no threat there; I'm just repeating what the warning label says.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Albert Einstein
Date: 12 May 11 - 03:21 PM

Rraappaarree, Your threats to the fair damsel are very uncouth and unbecoming. Eisely, would you like me to sic the freds on that scallywag?

Al


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 12 May 11 - 03:11 PM

Knowing what it is I can promise you that attempting to misuse it will make all of your skin fall off just as you start The Special Dance at your graduation prom.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Eiseley
Date: 12 May 11 - 02:17 PM

Eiseley: The Stick!
Rapparee: Not the Stick!

Eiseley: The Stick!
Rapparee: Not the Stick!

Eiseley: The Stick!
Rapparee: Anything but the Stick!

Eiseley: Anything? Mwa-ha-ha-ha!
Rapparee: The Stick, the Stick!!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 12 May 11 - 01:35 PM

Eiseley, make him bend over before you deliver it. It will hurt less.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 12 May 11 - 01:04 PM

Yes, pretty please with sugar and stuff on it. By the way, while I was gone a herd of wild dachshunds stampeded through my yard and left "traces" of their passing. Fortunately, Pat's cutting the grass right now.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Eiseley
Date: 12 May 11 - 11:28 AM

Dear Abdul Alhazred or Yog-Sothoth or Shub-Niggurath or Rapparee, whatever your name is,

They are putting new carpet in your old office. I crept in and looked for buried treasure. What do you think I found? A silver stick you once threw to Quark! It is shiny and about five inches long. Would you like it back?

Eiseley


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 12 May 11 - 11:06 AM

40666!!! It is A Sign!!!!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 12 May 11 - 11:06 AM

So I'll change it to something else. How about Abdul Alhazred or Yog-Sothoth or Shub-Niggurath?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 12 May 11 - 09:49 AM

Oh say a prayer for poor Rapaire
Who changed the spelling of his name
To satisfy thw critics when
Just half the way to fame.

No laggard he, and dapperly
Pursued his cause with ravings just
Hoping some day that Rapparee
Would win the noble public's trust.

....

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 12 May 11 - 12:23 AM

Oh, I see you STILL can't spell the name correctly. Perhaps, Amos, if you write it out in longhand 100 times....


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 11 May 11 - 07:07 PM

That was Severn's idea. I merely aided and abetted.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 11 May 11 - 06:53 PM

Mwahahaha. The only looks he has ever gotten are hard suspicious ones from law-enforcement agents. Rapparree is by far and without exception the best-looking Mudcatter ever to chair a forum on the subject of death warmed over.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 11 May 11 - 04:18 PM

You and Chongo have a great deal in common, Rapparee, telling your incredible tales of derring-do. A lot in common. Too bad he got the good looks, though. ;-)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 11 May 11 - 04:14 PM

Did you meet up with Bruce Willis on the way and when will the movie Die Hard In A Hovel come out?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 11 May 11 - 03:46 PM

Forget it, you cheap bastards. I took care of it myself. Can't depend on anyone these days. Yeah, I was face-down in the floor in the middle of the cross-fire, but I managed to remove a couple floorboards (they're not nailed down) and slip in the sewer underneath just before the cops lobbed in the tear gas/vomiting gas combination. Kantankuriss Kate tried to follow but plugged up the hole in floor so no one else could get out. I followed the sewer for a ways and then realized that this was one of the city's sewers that were unmapped. Guided only the by luminescence of the decaying organic matter that matted the walls of the sewer I finally found an exit, only to find it was under the exercise yard of the county jail! I retraced my steps and found an outlet in the concrete banks of the Portneuf river. I was able to kick out the grate, but the force needed hurled me into the river, which is in flood. Always trying for shore, I was swept by the current to American Falls Reservoir and just before I was to be carried through the gates I grabbed a tree jammed in the gate mechanism. After resting for several hours I was able to climb to the top of the dam and onto the highway, where I managed to hitch a ride home.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 11 May 11 - 03:20 PM

Hmmm....lemme think on it and I will get back to you. THere are several other springs to be sprung first, I think...


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 11 May 11 - 02:25 PM

How much is it really worth to spring Rapparee? Anyone got change? I have a nickel I can spare for a worthy cause...but I'm not sure if this one qualifies as such. ;-)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 11 May 11 - 01:37 PM

Rapparree is still being held in Communicado (the back-up site for the Hovel gang located somewhere in the deserts north of Sonora.) This is stressful to Mom who is worried she may be asked for money and doesn't want to be. Asked, that is.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 11 May 11 - 01:30 AM

Perhaps the correct answer to that query is to burn Shane's bedroom. And the house around it, if necessary?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 10 May 11 - 09:07 PM

You talkin ta earth? You talkin ta earth? You must be talkin ta earth cause we're the only ones here.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,freds
Date: 10 May 11 - 08:10 PM

We have reported this planet to the Interuniverse Pure Food Organization. Your DNA is disgusting. You may assume that you will get a "Clean Up or Close Up" order.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 10 May 11 - 04:39 PM

Where indeed? And why? And for whom?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 10 May 11 - 04:08 PM

Where does it burn?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 10 May 11 - 03:35 PM

What is filthier? The Idaho Legion Hovel? Or Shane McBride's bedroom? That is the burning question of the day.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 10 May 11 - 01:24 PM

The tribulations of Rapparee restrained by anarchic dissonance in the filthy confines of the Hovel provide an opportunity for song-craft of Lehererian magnitude!

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Eiseley
Date: 10 May 11 - 10:31 AM

If I strain my ears above the birdsong, I can still hear the rhythmic wails from the Hovel. I'm afraid Rapparee is still a captive of that musical atrocity.

Eiseley


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 10 May 11 - 10:13 AM

Well, what happened at the Hovel? Enquiring minds want to know...


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 10 May 11 - 12:26 AM

You guys are going to have to keep MOM afloat for a few days. I'll report back later.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 09 May 11 - 11:29 PM

Oh it's no go yer Eistefodd
It's no go, Blavatsky
All we want is Chongo Chimp
Carried off in a taxi
It's no go the Fifty Kay
It's no go for Shatner
Work at a job from nine to three
And come home to Judge Wapner.

Mother Macneice of Beeyess-on-Tapp


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 09 May 11 - 07:52 PM

Welsh bastards!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Eiseley
Date: 09 May 11 - 07:38 PM

Poor Rapparee! There is a standoff over at the Legion Hovel and I'm afraid Rap is in the thick of it. There are squad cars about three deep around the place, and they've cut the power and the water. But I can still hear the singing (bellowing) from my place. I don't know the whole story, but apparently they decided to hold an Eisteddfod, and until they run out of voice power, we won't be seeing any posts from Rapparee.

Eiseley


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 09 May 11 - 02:04 PM

Good answer. ;-D


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 09 May 11 - 12:47 PM

Then I won't need anything very capable or smart, and will hire a chimpanzee.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Chongo Chimp
Date: 09 May 11 - 12:20 PM

What if you suddenly become a pimp? Or a jailbird?

- Chongo


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 09 May 11 - 11:11 AM

You-all are talking puredee nonsensical flibbertyjibbet talk, now. The iMac is the high plateau of the art of the home computer--a Unix core with a fast but lovely graphic interface. Just for example, when I wanted to turn off the function of the CapsLock key, because I hate it when I keep hitting it, it took < 30 seconds. It set itself up and brought on board years of past work files and parameters and settings and did it all in a couple of hours. It would have take twice as long trying to do the same in a 586 Wintel environment, I suspect.

It has more computing power than I will ever need unless I suddenly become a graphic artist, which is not likely to happen, or a movie director.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 09 May 11 - 10:34 AM

I've heard they get moldy and tend to clot if you don't keep them in the refrigerator when they're not in use. They also have a "Best Used Before" date and they're not organic.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 09 May 11 - 12:33 AM

It's pretty to look at, but I hope you kicked the tires, Amos!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 08 May 11 - 10:00 PM

Oh. an iMac. I thought maybe you'd gotten something in the Linus line, something good.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 08 May 11 - 09:57 PM

Mom:

You will be delighted to hear I have replaced my stolen computer with one of these. At least I won't be having to restart at random intervals.

If you ever get a chance to see a one-woman performance called "Let Me Down Easy", don't miss it. It is phenomenal.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 08 May 11 - 09:05 PM

By the way, the front of my house looks really nice. Now on to the backyard!

The people who do that sort of thing are coming tomorrow to aerate the whole lawn. Right now there are 50 hot-pink flags all over the place indicating where sprinkler heads are. It looks like a marked minefield and I got soaked putting them in place. So far no golfers have confused the yard with a putting green or something, even though golfers ARE easily confused.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Chongo Chimp
Date: 08 May 11 - 03:18 PM

I got no intention of incurrin' her wrath. I try to avoid havin' confrontations with women cos I feel that it ain't right to shoot a woman or knock her teeth out over a difference of opinion...so that leaves me in a sorta weak position when it comes to havin' disputes with "the fair sex". I usually just mumble somethin' that sounds like I might be agreein' with them, say "What's that I hear outside?", and make a quick exit.

- Chongo


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 08 May 11 - 02:13 PM

You should damned well be! Her daddy taught her to shoot a .45 revolver and she can shoot the gonads off a flea at 200 meters with it -- and a female flea at that -- without damaging the flea none. Her momma used ta nurse her to sleep while she cleared the land near Washington, DC that they homesteaded. Her daddy was in WW2 and stopped, single-handed and without any help, German Panzer units from overrunning Strasbourg during the Battle of the Bulge. She's also got a JD and ain't afraid to use it. You should tremble like an aspen leaf if you ever so much as think about thinking about thinking about incurring her wrath!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 08 May 11 - 01:18 PM

His wife? I'd be REALLY scared a her!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Chongo Chimp
Date: 08 May 11 - 12:46 PM

I was impressed too. There ain't too many in this world can outdo Chongo Chimp when it comes to rantin' and boastin' and blusterin'...but Rapparee...well, I think the man might have an edge on me there. And I am not too proud to admit it.

I can't figger how he has stayed married so long. Maybe his wife is deaf? Or maybe she just don't care.

- Chongo


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 08 May 11 - 12:13 PM

Oh, my garsh, I ain't heard such language since Mike Fink wrassled Davy Shmockett down on the Tascaloosa.

I yam most impressed and awe struck and all other correct emotional responses carefully tailored top meet your arbitrary requirements...


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Chongo Chimp
Date: 08 May 11 - 11:58 AM

Hi, chimps and chimpettes! Ol' Rapparee posted somethin' on another thread that was so good I gotta share with all of you. He was havin' an argument with me and he said this:

"Dear Mr. Chongo,

I can out-shoot you with any weapon you care to name, from a sling to an 81mm mortar. Name your place and time: any weapon, any range out to a kilometer and a half (1,500 meters), any caliber. This challenge includes grenades (hand, rifle, or weapon-launched), flamethrowers, rifles, shotguns, muskets, submachine guns (i.e., machine pistols) of any country, pistols, crew-served weapons (e.g., mortars or quad fifties) and so forth. It also includes spears, bayonets, knives, clubs, maces, morning stars, swords of all types, la savate, and braggin' about fightin' (which you are quite good at).

You should be aware that I am a quiet, unexciting sort of guy unless I get riled up. THEN the mountains tremble at my name! The waters part in fear and thunderstorms run and hide! Volcanoes and earthquakes bow to me as their master. I'm then meaner than a buckskin dun with a burr under his saddle, an alligator with the toothache and a Tasmanian Devil with his fight up all rolled into one! I've gouged out more eyes, bit off more ears, and spit out more noses than any other ten men. My Father was the hurricane and my mother was the plague and I'm cousin to TNT, C4, dynamite, and gunpowder! When I'm riled up I'm as techy as nitroglycerin and I'm the bringer of Chaos!

Please don't get me riled up, because then I'm not responsible for my actions."



*****

Damn good, eh? I am now tryin' to convince him to be one of my speechwriters for the 2012 campaign, the "bluff, rant, and bluster" section...

;-D

- Chongo


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