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BS: The Mother of all BS threads

Little Hawk 10 Feb 11 - 10:37 PM
Acme 10 Feb 11 - 10:29 PM
GUEST,Blind DRunk in Blind River 10 Feb 11 - 10:05 PM
GUEST 10 Feb 11 - 09:30 PM
Little Hawk 10 Feb 11 - 08:10 PM
GUEST,Dale 10 Feb 11 - 07:58 PM
Acme 10 Feb 11 - 06:24 PM
Eiseley 10 Feb 11 - 05:50 PM
Little Hawk 10 Feb 11 - 05:37 PM
Little Hawk 10 Feb 11 - 05:24 PM
Rapparee 10 Feb 11 - 04:55 PM
Amos 10 Feb 11 - 04:09 PM
Little Hawk 10 Feb 11 - 03:36 PM
Little Hawk 10 Feb 11 - 03:33 PM
GUEST,Sheryl Backwater 10 Feb 11 - 03:13 PM
Rapparee 10 Feb 11 - 03:10 PM
Amos 10 Feb 11 - 02:50 PM
Rapparee 10 Feb 11 - 02:16 PM
Amos 10 Feb 11 - 01:09 PM
Amos 10 Feb 11 - 11:10 AM
GUEST,Albert Einstein 10 Feb 11 - 10:41 AM
GUEST,Albert Schweitzer 10 Feb 11 - 10:38 AM
Rapparee 10 Feb 11 - 10:28 AM
Amos 09 Feb 11 - 11:48 PM
GUEST,Eiseley 09 Feb 11 - 11:00 PM
Acme 09 Feb 11 - 10:50 PM
Acme 09 Feb 11 - 10:49 PM
Rapparee 09 Feb 11 - 10:33 PM
Amos 09 Feb 11 - 10:11 PM
Rapparee 09 Feb 11 - 10:10 PM
Rapparee 09 Feb 11 - 09:39 PM
Little Hawk 09 Feb 11 - 08:45 PM
Amos 09 Feb 11 - 07:57 PM
Little Hawk 09 Feb 11 - 07:04 PM
Amos 09 Feb 11 - 05:02 PM
Little Hawk 09 Feb 11 - 04:03 PM
Rapparee 09 Feb 11 - 03:55 PM
Amos 09 Feb 11 - 03:46 PM
Acme 09 Feb 11 - 03:14 PM
Little Hawk 09 Feb 11 - 01:46 PM
Eiseley 09 Feb 11 - 10:47 AM
Rapparee 09 Feb 11 - 10:23 AM
freda underhill 09 Feb 11 - 09:58 AM
Rapparee 09 Feb 11 - 09:49 AM
freda underhill 09 Feb 11 - 02:56 AM
Little Hawk 09 Feb 11 - 12:59 AM
Rapparee 09 Feb 11 - 12:15 AM
Amos 08 Feb 11 - 10:30 PM
Rapparee 08 Feb 11 - 08:27 PM
Amos 08 Feb 11 - 08:20 PM
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 10 Feb 11 - 10:37 PM

Spare a thought for the others as well, Stilly. ;-)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 10 Feb 11 - 10:29 PM

I hope these out-of-body episodes don't cause Little Hawk any pain, or a hangover afterward.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Blind DRunk in Blind River
Date: 10 Feb 11 - 10:05 PM

What the FLIP! I hearn about this a hower ago from Don! What do I flippin' find? I find this major flippin' BOLTHOLE Dale slaggin' me off and atackin' my good name here, eh? YOU ARE A FLIPPIN' LOOSER, DALE!!! Ya hear me? That is the last flippin' time I am givin' you any free beers, man! It is OVER! You are TOWSTE, man! If I ever flippin' see you agane I will kick yer flippin' ass acrost town, eh?

Cheryl, do not lissen to that idiot hosebag. He is such a liar that he dont have no flippin' creminibality at all...not in Blind River...not anywheres! I am the flippin' KING arownd here and he knows it so he is real jelous and will say antything to get in yer pants, eh? Do NOT fall for him! You will regret it. I promise that. Cos what will happen is that either 1. he will leave you flippin' stranded on the road somewhere's between here and the Soo after havin' his, like, way with you...or 2. he will take you back to his flippin' dump in Nova Flippin' Scoshia or wherever the hell he is from to live in uncommen law marrage with him and you will end up with at leeast 15 kids and livin' in a flippin' trash heep of a place like a dog! Maybe in a flippin' trailer park even!

- Shane


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST
Date: 10 Feb 11 - 09:30 PM

Sheryl... if you love me, meet me behind the Irving Big Stop where they park the big rigs. Look for the "Moose'n'r Down The Road" Peterbuilt. I'll have Bocephus cranked on the tunes and we'll dance all night long in my extended cab.

I'll wine ya n dine ya proper. I got a microwave fer the McCains piece a pockets and a fridge fer ta keep the Molson Canadian cold.

And I got two tickets fer the big concert on The Hill this summer. I am goin. U2?

C'mon darlin. Make me happy eh wha? Don't be blinded by that river trash.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 10 Feb 11 - 08:10 PM

Oh, God...it's getting worse. I feel waves of queasiness washing over me....Must get some fresh air!!!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Dale
Date: 10 Feb 11 - 07:58 PM

Dearest Feral Sheryl,

It wasn't Shane what knocked you up. I used his name when I was in the heat of passhon and I am ashamed I done that. But I'll make things right I promise.

Oh, he was there but he was passed out on Molson's ale. And so were you but when I picked you up to put you in bed we had a tender moment... well, two, on accounta it took a minute to get yer long johns off and then me off. Anyway, I'll treat you like the queen you are if you will give me half a chance and you promise me that you will cut loose that Blind River Bastard. He's no good eh.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 10 Feb 11 - 06:24 PM

The post from Ms. Backwater was most moving. Who knew that twice in the day I would use the term "gag reflex," but there you have it. Lunch lurched as I read that post. (The other occasion had to do with describing something the dogs did last night, but that's another story.)

Glad to hear Eiseley was over for a visit. Tell Pat hello, and I hope she's feeling better!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Eiseley
Date: 10 Feb 11 - 05:50 PM

And a very nice visit it was, Rapparee.

Eiseley


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 10 Feb 11 - 05:37 PM

By the way, Amos, I think it is about time you showed more respect for the "stable of dubious characters" (as you snidely put it) who romp merrily across the Eylsian Fields of my inner consciousness, bringing joy and wonder into a sorrowing world. Your contempt for them wounds me, sir! I demand an apology. If I do not receive one, I shall be forced to assume that you are risking annoying me further.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 10 Feb 11 - 05:24 PM

I prefer to think that Cheryl is real, poor thing. What terrible luck she must have had in life to be so vulnerable as to fall for the gross manipulations of Shane McBride! My heart goes out to her and all her kin, for there is now a half-breed McBride looming in their future.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 10 Feb 11 - 04:55 PM

Don't look in my direction, old sot. Long about that time Eiseley and others came calling.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 10 Feb 11 - 04:09 PM

Well, judging by the time stamp...Rapparree has fallen on hard times and is trying to compete with your stable of dubious personalities by coming up with an even grottier invention and blaming one of your inventions for it. It is always bemusing to me when your imaginary characters start squabbling among themselves. It reminds me of the days when you could get your throat cut for believing an imaginary three in one configuration was more important than an imaginary one in one configuration, and everyone felt entitled to act like a hole in one.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 10 Feb 11 - 03:36 PM

And, no, Amos...I did NOT post the Sheryl Blackwater post. I have, however, responded to it, as you can see.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 10 Feb 11 - 03:33 PM

Sheryl...much as I think you are pursuing an unattainable objective, akin to Don Quixote's assault upon the windmill or Ponce de Leon's futile search for the Fountain of Youth, I am moved by compassion (not to mention amusement), and I will give you what advice I can.

1. Forget it. Getting Shane to do the Right Thing is like the impossible dream. It would be like trying to milk a granite statue of a Brahma bull. Useless.

2. Why in the world did you have sex with him??? Were you conscious at the time?

3. You know where the Tim Horton's is in Blind River? I assume you do. Hang around there and he will show up. You might find him taking stuff out of the dumpster at the back if he's broke, which he often is. If not, you will find him at the counter, harassing the female staff and trying to get free donuts by claiming that there were mouse turds in the last one he ate from there.

4. Check with the local police. They are usually looking for him too.

5. Go to the garage where his brother Don works. I forget the name of it, but just ask around. Tell Don all about it. Raise flippin' hell. Don won't help you, but he may tell you where Shane is just so that you will go away and not bother him.

6. Go to their house. Just ask around, everyone knows where it is. It is the place where the backyard is full of dead cars and wrecked snowmobiles and piles of junk. There is a sign on the front door saying:

NO COPS ALLOWED!!!
(eccept for Ossifer Dana)

7. Spread the news around that you are very horny and you want MORE sex and you want it BAD!!! This could bring a lot of unwanted attention, I know, but it will also inevitably bring Shane. I guarantee it. Then you'll have him by the mungoberries! ;-)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Sheryl Backwater
Date: 10 Feb 11 - 03:13 PM

Do anyone here know wear I cna find Shane McBride from Blind Rivr, Ontario? I unerstan that he sometimes comes here an I need to fin d himn. He has Knoked Me Up and he has too do The Rite Thing by me now.

Thank you.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 10 Feb 11 - 03:10 PM

Please excuse the grammatical error in my last post. I of course meant to the use the "neither...nor" construction.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 10 Feb 11 - 02:50 PM

Well, it is good to know you are not still trying to use your ex-ex-cells.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 10 Feb 11 - 02:16 PM

I use neither Excel OR Power Point if it can possibly be avoided. I find Quattro Pro and Presentations to be far, far more powerful.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 10 Feb 11 - 01:09 PM

Challenges make life interesting, however, overcoming them is what makes life meaningful. As you walk down the fairway of life you must smell the roses, for you only get to play one round.
The bad news is time flies. The good news is you're the pilot.
If we're always looking in the rear view mirror it's hard to keep our eyes on the road ahead. There is no end. There is no beginning. There is only the passion of life. Most people are about as happy as they make up their minds to be. Wealth is the ability to fully experience life. We do not remember days; we remember moments.


- Cesare Pavese, Mark Twain, Ben Hogan, Michael Altshuler, Abraham Lincoln, Henry David Thoreau, and Frederico Fellini


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 10 Feb 11 - 11:10 AM

Although he poses as a man of Word, his itching reveals him to be a man of Ex-Cells, undermining his ability to power point.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Albert Einstein
Date: 10 Feb 11 - 10:41 AM

There is no such place as Hell.

But Rapparee is itching.

His sloughed off skin is gathering in corners and fighting chromosomically with Hermann Hesse's remains. Hesse was afflicted with scabies and remnants of his cells still drift about. From this vantage, it seems that Hermann's scurf is winning.

Al


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Albert Schweitzer
Date: 10 Feb 11 - 10:38 AM

Rapparee is itching for the inferno.

Albert Schweitzer


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 10 Feb 11 - 10:28 AM

Thank you, Amos.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 09 Feb 11 - 11:48 PM

That was purely stunning, Miss Eiseley!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Eiseley
Date: 09 Feb 11 - 11:00 PM

A Flying Dutchman in her progress over the waves
of, not water, but a thicker slish,
Is this vessel known as MOAB to her hardy crew.
Led not by William Shatner (praise the Lord)
But by a team of wordsmith anarchists,
Mother is a different kind of ship than those that sail the sea.

Afloat in virtual dimensions,
Adrift on sparking webs
That in their crazy angles, crooked ways,
Resemble more a labyrinth of odd canals
Than open ocean,
This stalwart Mother floating aimless through the maze
of little twisting passages, all alike,
Will sometimes leave a treasure in a dead-end hall:
Some poetic gem or tricksy verse
Announcing milestones of Kay.
These unpraised songs are left as writing on a wall?
Figurative sconces filled with shining verse,
Illuminating dark recesses where dauntless sailors
Need not explore.

For there are wild apes in these ways,
Monsters lurking in the wine-dark sea,
Freakish duck-dogs quarking in the void
And far too many frayed skeins
For any traveler to follow without fear
Of strangulation, emasculation, decapitation or worse.

So when we see another stanza in the MOAB Poem,
It's like a torch lit in the dark, a couplet signifying "end of scene."
And we can turn and sail another way, as those who turn in sleep begin another dream.


Eiseley


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 09 Feb 11 - 10:50 PM

I'm told that is Westminster Bridge in London.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 09 Feb 11 - 10:49 PM

All light and shadow in a photo that is close to Chongo's heart. And most likely Chinga's as well.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 09 Feb 11 - 10:33 PM

I just ran across the following title in a medical journal on PubMed:

Immunohistochemical detection of Ki67 in breast cancer correlates with transcriptional regulation of genes related to apoptosis and cell death.

I love it! "Immunohistochomical"!! Who'da thunk it?
-----------------
To answer the survey of Amos
Regarding the epics of verse
I must respond "All of the above!"
For Lord knows, it could be worse.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 09 Feb 11 - 10:11 PM

Hell, his own mother called him a "fucking baboon" when he left home.

Anyway, here's a survey.

EPIC KAY POEMS and BALLADS

There have been a number of epic pieces composed to celebrate the accumulation of milestone numbers of posts in MOAB. In some, the MOAB has been metaphorically depicted as a ship in a gale; in orthers, as a crew of desperate rail navvies putting down track; in others, as a race of desperate mighty steeds heading for a finish line.

Each of these compositions has had all the artistic merit of a piece by Kipling, or by Chongo, by McGonagle, or by Walksaboutverse--the same desperate sensitivity, rattled tatterdemalion scansion and impeccable spasticity of rhythm. Despite these aesthetic credentials of the first water, they are constantly slighted, and let pass without comment by their readers.

In your experience are these MOAB Epics:

1. Too long?
2. Too short?
3. Not exciting enough?
4. Too exciting to bear?
5. Too frequently posted?
6. Too infrequent?
7. Beating a dead horse?
8. Inept?
9. Masterful and entertaining?
10. A glut on the river of MOAB?
11. Other (please be specific).

Respond by number or in prose, by rhymed couplets or fastidious invective as seems best to your discerning eye.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 09 Feb 11 - 10:10 PM

No, I guess Amos is correct. You can't tell them apart if Chongo is walking backwards.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 09 Feb 11 - 09:39 PM

True, but we're talking about Chongo's backside here.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 09 Feb 11 - 08:45 PM

You must be joking. Only a complete moron could fail to distinguish between a chimp and a baboon.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 09 Feb 11 - 07:57 PM

From the baboons!! Sheeshe. Especially if he walks backwards...


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 09 Feb 11 - 07:04 PM

From what?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 09 Feb 11 - 05:02 PM

How will they tell him apart?


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 09 Feb 11 - 04:03 PM

Chongo didn't go to jail for that assault (mainly because he has a lot of buddies in the police force), but he now has a large contingent of Baboons related to the first one who are on a vendetta against him. Not that there's anything new about that...


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 09 Feb 11 - 03:55 PM

I never stared at a PDP11, but I'll bet Amos and I are probably the only ones here who know what a PDP11 is/was/will be. (I got rid of my manuals some years back.)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 09 Feb 11 - 03:46 PM

Oh ye of little faith!! Anyone who is ANYONE uses direct perception, rather than biological sensors, to see their way through the storm of life. Direct perception is instantaneous, a result of permeating exiatence rather than hiding in it like a meathead staring at a PDP11.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 09 Feb 11 - 03:14 PM

Did Chongo go to jail for that assault?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 09 Feb 11 - 01:46 PM

You're quite right that there is a small time lag in our sensory perceptions of the world, Rapaire. But it's VERY small, agreed? I think it's so small that it hardly matters in any practical sense. For instance, there was this Baboon who figured he was so fast that he could kick Chongo a hard one in the ass and then get away before Chongo saw who did it.

It didn't work out. Immediately after administering the kick he received a broken leg, a busted nose, 2 black eyes, 5 broken ribs, a dislocated shoulder, and a bruised kidney. He is recuperating in hospital. The sensory lag just wasn't long enough.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Eiseley
Date: 09 Feb 11 - 10:47 AM

Well, you would know it right away, but just not at the instant everything disappeared. It would still be present in the mind for that instant. And if it is virtually present, doesn't that count? Virtual life is certainly as real as we allow it to be. Think of Captain Kirk, or Chongo, or even that McBride guy.

Eiseley


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 09 Feb 11 - 10:23 AM

Yeah. Everything could have disappeared and you wouldn't know it right away.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: freda underhill
Date: 09 Feb 11 - 09:58 AM

spooky.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 09 Feb 11 - 09:49 AM

Correct, LH. Our sensory lives are in the past. Sorry for the confusion.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: freda underhill
Date: 09 Feb 11 - 02:56 AM

hilarious link, gnu!!!!!!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 09 Feb 11 - 12:59 AM

To the contrary, we always live in the present. The past is a remembered dream, and the future is a phantasm. The only real thing we have and ever will have is the present. When you read this, it will be in the present. When you decide it's all a bunch of hooey it will still be in the present. You can deny the present all you want (and people do deny it much of the time), but it will never deny you.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 09 Feb 11 - 12:15 AM

Amos, we all live in the past. Roughly speaking your nerve impulses travel at 72 mph -- VIRTUALLY instantaneous in the size of the human body, but actually a pause from perception to brain realization. Thus, EVERYTHING you see, feel, taste, smell, touch, hear is actually in the past, just as the light from every star or satellite comes from the past. You're not built to do any OTHER than live in the past. Notice that I'm not saying anything about the "life of the mind" or a "spiritual life," just that at the biological level. Some, Shame McBride for example, rarely even reach that level....


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 08 Feb 11 - 10:30 PM

Oh, all right. Do let us know the next time you're in the general vicinity of present time, and we'll try to communicate. I m sure living in the remote past will occupy all your attention until then.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 08 Feb 11 - 08:27 PM

NEVER!!

Truth, Justice, and the American/Canadian Way will prevail, just as their combined forces did at Normandy in 1944 or Fort George in 1812.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 08 Feb 11 - 08:20 PM

Oh, Rapparee, give it up. The evidence is all agin ya.


A


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