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BS: The Mother of all BS threads

Rapparee 28 Jul 16 - 09:10 AM
Rapparee 27 Jul 16 - 09:48 PM
Rapparee 27 Jul 16 - 09:29 PM
gnu 27 Jul 16 - 07:38 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 27 Jul 16 - 06:46 PM
Rapparee 27 Jul 16 - 09:02 AM
Amos 27 Jul 16 - 12:32 AM
Rapparee 26 Jul 16 - 11:12 PM
gnu 26 Jul 16 - 06:25 PM
Donuel 26 Jul 16 - 03:51 PM
Little Hawk 26 Jul 16 - 03:34 PM
Rapparee 26 Jul 16 - 01:31 PM
Rapparee 26 Jul 16 - 09:50 AM
gnu 26 Jul 16 - 09:43 AM
Amos 26 Jul 16 - 02:06 AM
Bee-dubya-ell 25 Jul 16 - 11:06 PM
Rapparee 25 Jul 16 - 09:06 PM
gnu 25 Jul 16 - 06:24 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 25 Jul 16 - 09:45 AM
Rapparee 25 Jul 16 - 09:08 AM
Bee-dubya-ell 24 Jul 16 - 11:04 PM
Rapparee 24 Jul 16 - 10:04 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 24 Jul 16 - 07:15 AM
Acme 24 Jul 16 - 02:29 AM
gnu 23 Jul 16 - 09:16 PM
Little Hawk 23 Jul 16 - 02:51 PM
gnu 23 Jul 16 - 12:47 PM
Amos 23 Jul 16 - 12:24 PM
gnu 22 Jul 16 - 11:31 AM
Bee-dubya-ell 21 Jul 16 - 04:55 PM
Rapparee 21 Jul 16 - 10:31 AM
Little Hawk 20 Jul 16 - 11:36 PM
Little Hawk 20 Jul 16 - 11:27 PM
Little Hawk 20 Jul 16 - 11:26 PM
Rapparee 20 Jul 16 - 09:24 PM
Rapparee 20 Jul 16 - 08:50 AM
gnu 19 Jul 16 - 10:10 PM
Rapparee 19 Jul 16 - 09:59 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 19 Jul 16 - 08:14 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 19 Jul 16 - 07:13 PM
Amos 19 Jul 16 - 06:08 PM
Rapparee 19 Jul 16 - 07:58 AM
Bee-dubya-ell 19 Jul 16 - 03:21 AM
Rapparee 18 Jul 16 - 10:05 PM
Little Hawk 18 Jul 16 - 09:27 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 18 Jul 16 - 09:08 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 18 Jul 16 - 07:33 PM
Acme 18 Jul 16 - 01:29 PM
Little Hawk 18 Jul 16 - 10:14 AM
Rapparee 18 Jul 16 - 09:57 AM
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 28 Jul 16 - 09:10 AM

The ride was long and in places bumpy. After an hour or so, Chinga asked, "Where are we going?" and General West replied, "To a safe place."

More time passed and then the snow machine halted under a large platform. It began to ascend.

"Good," said the General. "We're here, Penelope."

"Where is 'here'?" asked Chonga.

"A safe place. Nowhere, to be precise," West replied, and chuckled.

The elevator containing the snow cat reached the deck of the platform and they climbed out.

"Inside, quickly," urged General West. "A storm is brewing and out here the wind will blow you into Russia."

They quickly went into a rounded building and then were led by guards -- armed guards, Penelope noted approvingly -- into a large office.

"Good," said the General. "Now we can talk. First, you wonder where you are. You're nowhere. This place is an abandoned oil platform, you are in international waters -- or rather ice, at the moment -- in the Beaufort Sea. It may be a British possession, but Russia, Canada, Norway, the United States, and other countries have claimed this area. Until ownership is settled, if ever, we're operating out of here."

"MI17?" queried Chinga.

"No. A different agency. SOB. Special Operations, Blue. And don't make any wise comments as it's a long way down to the ice."

"So we're SOBs now," mused Penelope. "Why 'Blue'?"

"Because black ops has a bad, bad reputation," replied the General. "And oh, yes -- your plane. Or rather, Her Majesty's plane. The Sorry Paling organization blew it up, of course. But they're backed by something much bigger, some government or government-like entity. SOB got the job of pulling you out because neither we nor the Yanks can afford you dead." He turned as a man entered the room. "Yes, Sergeant?"

"Here it is, Sir. Just as we thought." And he tossed a small metal capsule on the table.

"Oh, dear me. I'd hoped we were wrong." The General looked up at the Sergeant. "You know what this means?"

"Yes, Sir. Only too well, I'm afraid."

"Thank you, Sergeant. Dismissed."

The Sergeant, who obviously wanted to come to attention and salute, instead turned and left the room.

"What is it, Nigel?" asked Penelope, anxiety on her face and on the faces of the others.

"A capsule of VX nerve gas. If you'd stayed in that suite overnight you'd have all been killed. Nasty stuff. O-ethyl S-[2-(diisopropylamino)ethyl] methylphosphonothioate) chemically. Dispersed as fine droplets, which this container would do when heated on your suite's room heaters, it would land on you body and be absorbed through the skin. It does a number of things to your ACTH, making quite a mess of your nervous system. Among other things, you die."

Chonga looked stricken. "No guys with gats? Just a few droplets on a breeze on your skin and the lights go out?"

"That's it," said Penelope. "I've know about VX but never in a personal manner." She frowned. "I'm afraid, Nigel, that I will be taking lives before this is over."

"We all will. Hmm...I wonder if they knew that the Suite would continue deadly. This is a persistent agent. A lot of people would get sick and perhaps die. I don't think the hotel management was involved or this would never have been approved. Ladies and gentleman (he nodded to the pilot) we are up against a ruthless, ruthless organization." He turned to the pilot. "Sir, we can send you home or you can stay and work with us. Which would you prefer?"

The pilot answered, softly, "I'll stick. I had some friends lost to VX in Iraq when a chemical munitions weapon exploded. I hate that stuff. Sir," he continued, "if you could provide me with arms? I was PBI in the 'Stan and know something of their use."

"Thank you, Leftenant." West chuckled and said, "I know more about you than you think. DSC, MC -- your record speaks for you. And now," he continued, "shall we get down to work? I'm quite afraid blood will be spilt."


(Whose blood? Chinga's? Chonga's? Penelope's VX? -- you don't buy that at the local pharmacay, so where'd it come from? Don't change that dial!)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 27 Jul 16 - 09:48 PM

The next Prime Post will be 54829. Just thought everyone would like to know.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 27 Jul 16 - 09:29 PM

Hah! Back there in Adams County, Illinois, is the city of Quincy. For some reason, probably because there were lots of Germans and Irish there and they could fight each other, my ancestors on both sides settled there. Right on the banks of Mighty Mississloppy River. Mark Twain country. Abe Lincoln country.

Anyway, long about backaways, my paternal grandpa Shorty was born to a guy named George. George had a farm on some land out on North 18th Street, and the Catolicks in town needed a second cemetery cuz so many were dying. A couple of the churches got together and bought some land for the cemetery from a guy named Benson or something -- began with a B, anyway. Each church paid USD 3,700, which back in 1905 or so was a pretty chunka change. Now that land belonged to George. I ain't saying money changed hands, which I'm sure it did, and I'm not saying George and this other fella diddled the churches out of a few grand, but it sure stinks even now.

Here's the thing: George became the sexton (caretaker) for the new cemetery. He diddled 'em on the land and then landed the job taking care of it.

Anyway, eventually he has a buncha kids: Bill, Shorty, Lawrence, Al, Joe, and some others too numerous to mention. Bill became an auctioneer, Lawrence became a really good painter, Al became a farmer SOUTH of town, and Joe followed George as sexton for that cemetery (our old family farm!) but for the other three Catlick cemeteries in town.

Now Shorty, he became a carpenter. He started courtin' a girl named Mary, and they got married. Some six months later they had a bouncing baby boy -- my father. And it was a miracle, cuz that bouncing baby boy was a full term baby!! Yes! He developed so quickly he did in six months what every other baby took nine months to do! (The alternative solution is...well, I just can't believe my very own grandparents were, um, canoodling and that a shotgun in the hands of her father, Frank, was involved.)

I ain't got no pictures ta show ya, so ya gotta take my word that every man in my family was and is the paragon of masculinity and good looks and the women were all sexy, svelte, and smarter than the men.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 27 Jul 16 - 07:38 PM

"... but mostly they settled in a place they called New Ireland..."

So. "They" called it that. Nobody else did. BTW, them there fellahs settled down south in yer Albert County and far more Irish settled elsewhere. Take yer Kent County... that fly infested bog country what could grow peat moss and rocks and some blueberries and cranberries and the odd red haired Irish child. I mean, some. Not "odd" as in "odd". Well, there was Aunt Annabell. She was as odd as they come. Crazier than a bag a hammers. What glorious fun she was. Always a laugh. She was actually a Little... half Little. Gramma Owens, nee Pascal, was not her mother. But, Gramps and Gramma brought her to Moncton when they said goodbye to the flies those many years ago. Fact is, Andy Little was firin blanks and he needed children... can't farm without children. So, since they were all farmers upalong, gramps was the hired gun. Hey, when yer bull is blank, ya go to the next farm and hire a stud, right? Alas, a female was born... Aunt Sally got sick, Andy couldn't look after a daughter (1900 or so; Aunt Sally died some years later), the farm fell into disrepair, and Annabell was Gramps' responsibility. So, off to the big city with the secret well kept. It's a wonderful story that gives insight into the lives of poor Irish "back in those days". Now, the story of Ned? The lumber company? The fire? Moving back to Ireland with the insurance money? The sale of the original (Riparian Rights) land grants illegally by the sheriff of the Edward and his son's properties? All great stories. One involves a T Model Ford with the back seat piled with bottles of liquor.

You pick out Annabell.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 27 Jul 16 - 06:46 PM

Onanistic Pottage! Great band! Their first album, "Will the Circle-Jerk Be Unbroken" was seminal. Somehow their second album, "Doing the Five Knuckle Shuffle" didn't come off as well.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 27 Jul 16 - 09:02 AM

I understand your content, Amos, but context was absent. Nonetheless, I shall treasure it as if it were the treasures of Croesus himself and will forego making it lie in a Protean bed of my making. While doing so might enhance meaning, it also may well ransack said meaning and strip your post of any relevance it might have to anything at all.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 27 Jul 16 - 12:32 AM

He has wasted whatever dignity his mottled legacy may have contained, and spilled it on the ground like a mess of Onanistic pottage.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 26 Jul 16 - 11:12 PM

Mon vieux gnu (in honor of NB being the only officially bilingual Province in Canada:

Please see here. I certainly wouldn't make historical stuff up!

In discussing the Mi'kmaq, Maliseet/Wolastoqiyuk and Passamaquoddy you forgot the Canibis (no, I'm not fooling). You'll have to look them up yourself -- the cite is in Google books. Of course, that was when Maine was still part of NB.

Did you know that the motto on the flag of NB, "Spem Reduxit," was originally "Spam Reduxit" -- or "Spam AGAIN?"


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 26 Jul 16 - 06:25 PM

"People from NB are correctly called "New Irish" because the original name of the place was "New Ireland." Or "Newmicks" or "Fenians Nouveaux."" I shall require references and sources for such. I believe such was proposed but never happened.

And it never should have happened. The First Nations of New Brunswick include the Mi'kmaq, Maliseet/Wolastoqiyuk and Passamaquoddy. If anything, NB should be called "The Land We Owned, and Still Own BTW, Before You White Assholes Fucked It Up for a Cheap $$$".


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Donuel
Date: 26 Jul 16 - 03:51 PM

As a Irish Cod cuddler I object to being called a mickininny. NBwikians can/t hold a candle to Dutch Harborians.

http://www.nbapc.org/


In the 12th century old man Trump was the Butcher of Crete
Rap,
( the sins of the father are only the role models for the sons )


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 26 Jul 16 - 03:34 PM

Don't worry. When Chongo is elected, he'll clean up the whole mess right quick. So fast that you won't have time to catch your breath. Wait for it.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 26 Jul 16 - 01:31 PM

People from NB are correctly called "New Irish" because the original name of the place was "New Ireland." Or "Newmicks" or "Fenians Nouveaux." Or just call them "Paddy Whacks". They also answer to "Iugulus clupea harengus" or "Throttlers of Atlantic herring," but only the Upper Crust (such as it is) are called that.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 26 Jul 16 - 09:50 AM

The DNC? Really, Amos?

Your dear friend Donald's grandfather seems to have been a draft dodger (in Germany) and his father made money building (for a tidy profit) buildings for the Navy during WW2 and to veterans afterwards. His father was also sued by the US Civil Right Commission and the Urban League for housing discrimination; the settlement in this was large in many ways. His grandfather died of pneumonia during the 'Flu epidemic of WWI and his father died of pneumonia after having Alzheimer's for six years. Of course, his grandfather was intimately involved with Christ -- Elizabeth Christ, whom he married over the objections of his mother. Donny's mommy was Scottish and listed as a "domestic" in various census records. His older sister, Maryanne Trump Barry, was a judge on the 3rd Circuit Court of Appeals.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 26 Jul 16 - 09:43 AM

New Brunswickers are called NBers or, more properly, Herring Chokers.

AND, St. Johns is not in New Brunswick.

AND, St. Johns is not in Newfoundland. There is a St. John's in NF and it is a lovely and lively spot. The regatta will be on soon and, me zon me zon, she's some shockin' good fun.

I can see where all this would confuse a tourourist. Must be all the fresh salt air, eh? Makes ya gap.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 26 Jul 16 - 02:06 AM

Drumpf is the most bloviating, overblown, mendacious, meretricious, discordant, unqualified sumbitch to ever stroll into the DNC.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 25 Jul 16 - 11:06 PM

My spell checker insists that "driveaway" is not a word. But that's okay. It used to insist that "Obama" was not a word until I taught it better. I clicked on the "Add to Dictionary" option and a little window popped up saying, "I don't believe you! Prove it!" So I had to go buy a copy of National Enquirer and show Mr. Spell Checker the headline that said "Duckdog Erupts From Obama's Forehead!" That squared it away with Mr. Smartypants Spell Checker. It couldn't ignore evidence from National Enquirer. It's a highly reputable news source. Donald Trump told me so.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 25 Jul 16 - 09:06 PM

(SIGH) It must be a Newbrunswickian thing. Answers.com says that's what they're called, Newbrunswickians. Answers.com also asks the question, "What are the main attractions in New Brunswick?" to which there is no answer given. I mean, I've been to St. Andrews and St. Johns and I couldn't agree more. Or less. Whichever. Anyway, the flag of New Brunswick differs greatly from that that of Ontario, which is pure white with the battle cry "Cedamus!" on it (dates back to the War of 1812).


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 25 Jul 16 - 06:24 PM

The proper term is "driveaway" on accounta that's what you use it for... to drive away. Going or coming. When your vehicle is parked in your driveaway, you don't say it's parked in a parkway. As In, "My car was parked in the parkway last night and...". No. You say, "My car was in the driveaway..."

WTF do you not understand?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 25 Jul 16 - 09:45 AM

Silly Gluon! That Calabi?Yau manifold trick only works with paved driveways. It strips the concrete, asphalt, or gravel from the driveway and converts it into a spheroid, leaving the driveway's footprint behind. Well, my driveway is completely unpaved. It already is a footprint! I only call it a "driveway" because there's no such word as "driveruts". Converting my driveway into a spheroid would necessarily entail converting the entire planet into a spheroid, which it already is!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 25 Jul 16 - 09:08 AM

Gluon informs me that he or she is utilizing the Calabi?Yau manifold to either compact or expand your circular driveway into D-brane based spheroid of dimensionalities ≤ or ≡ or ≥ (√∞(∆v(√-1))/2n(d). Gluon suggests moving your vehicle before she or he finishes or you won't be able to get it out of the paradox "for love nor money." And be careful of the slippery floor!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 24 Jul 16 - 11:04 PM

I don't have a patio. I also don't have a garage. I've heard too many stories of Floridians opening doors leading to patios and garages and finding snakes and alligators. Well, it's obvious to me that patios and garages attract snakes and alligators.

I have a gazebo and a circular driveway. Nobody ever finds dangerous reptiles in gazebos or on circular driveways.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 24 Jul 16 - 10:04 PM

I'm telling Gluon what you said about him and he'll come and poop on your patio, slobber in your slippers, kink your kiln, and coagulate your clay! Your slip won't slide and your wedging will wobble. And when he's done with all that he'll deflocculate all over your house.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 24 Jul 16 - 07:15 AM

Gluon isn't really very fast. He just knows lots of shortcuts. After all, a duckdog is a rather awkward construct. His duck half keeps him from being able to run like a dog, and his dog half keeps him from flying like a duck. He'd never stand a chance in a footrace against anything faster than a slime mold. He compensates for his physical limitations by using worm holes, space-time anomalies, gravity waves, and pan-dimensional slip-n-slides to make it look like he's hauling ass when he's barely waddling along. He doesn't get from New York to Paris in mere seconds by being fast. He does it by folding space so that New York and Paris are next-door neighbors. In other words, he cheats.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 24 Jul 16 - 02:29 AM

MOM seems to be loading at the speed of Gluon these days. Max's repair has done the trick!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 23 Jul 16 - 09:16 PM

Go to 32:20 and watch for a bit. I am lovin this! And it's edumacational too.

http://www.cbc.ca/doczone/episodes/the-war-of-1812-been-there-won-that


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 23 Jul 16 - 02:51 PM

Perhaps she intends to have Chongo speak in her place. It would be truly refreshing if he did, but I fear it is a vain hope. He has his own campaign to run.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 23 Jul 16 - 12:47 PM

The Hump ain't never gonna get elected. I refuse to believe that the American public will allow it. Yet again and again and again, I say it's a dog and pony show to keep Sanders from getting elected.

I shall watch the DNC next week. I was surprised as all get out when it was reported that Warren has removed herself from the speakers list. Is this true? I thought she would be keynote. ???


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 23 Jul 16 - 12:24 PM

Arthur Boboo RIghtiss is a demon in sheep's clothing. But I have fended hom off and sent him to Canada, so far, anyway.

That may seem like a huge accomplishment but this Trump monster may multiply it by sending thousands to Canada. At least the Canadians seem to get the idea of forming a more perfect union. Well, some, anyway.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 22 Jul 16 - 11:31 AM

Yo MOM! Wake up. You want breaded fried haddock for supper? We had smelts last Friday and breaded fried sole the Friday before that. I got no salmon but Sobeys has lots and Marc is on the counter so no problem.

What would you like to have, Gary?

Mom, I'll cook whatever you want.

Kind of hot to be cooking toady, isn't it, Gary?

To be continued...... IF I type that much. Arthritis got me by the booboo today.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 21 Jul 16 - 04:55 PM

Mom! I have a Republican spell checker! It recognized "Melania" as a real word, but not "Obama"! I have never heard of anyone named Melania except for Mrs. Trump. Heck, for all I know, she may be the only one in the world. Yet my spell checker's lexicon contains her name, but not that of the president of The United States? Somethin' fishy goin' on there!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 21 Jul 16 - 10:31 AM

You said something vigorously? If you did that I'd worry, because I have no desire to get a vigorous black eye or a vigorous kick in the oompa-loompas. At my age even thinking vigorously is challenging. Sleeping vigorously exhausts me for days. You must be exhausted.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 20 Jul 16 - 11:36 PM

I'm on a roll! This looks like a good time to cut and past something I wrote years ago and saved on my desktop for whenever I might need it on Mudcat. It was back in those Mudcat days of yore when I bothered to join political and social discussions here, despite the toxic company, and I thought it would be quite handy now and then. It went like this....

Dispute whatever I just said vigorously if you wish to have a tizzy over it. Express your outrage. Go crazy. Get upset with me. Make sarcastic remarks at my expense and ask me wild rhetorical questions that are based on a complete misapprehension of my original point.

Say "I make it a point never to engage in a battle of wits with an unarmed opponent." (That's a lovely cliche that will instantly establish your intellectual superiority and leave me weeping and bleeding in the corner...)

Stretch my original point to some ridiculous extreme so as to imply that I am a drooling moron.   Accuse me of being a fascist, a racist, a communist, a sexist, an anti-semite or a child abuser.   Draw attention to my many other vile character flaws which you may have noticed lately and tell me that you pity me (that always strikes a telling blow!).

Tell me I've got rocks in my head. Make obscene gestures in my general direction (if you know what it is) and grind your teeth at me. Get REALLY incensed! Kick your chair over and roll around foaming at the mouth, and bite the carpet! It's such a catharsis, after all...and I can take it with equanimity...so just knock yourself out on my account, okay?

(walking off, humming a merry little tune...)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 20 Jul 16 - 11:27 PM

Wow! I made a post and it actually got through! I'm overwhelmed!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 20 Jul 16 - 11:26 PM

Testing....1...2...3....?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 20 Jul 16 - 09:24 PM

Ah, I am but a lone voice crying out! Even Mom is mute, for she is...GLUON!!! Dammit duckdog!!! You've spilled my drink and now you're lapping it up!!! Stop humping the sofa pillows or swelp me I'll send you to Amos!!!!!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 20 Jul 16 - 08:50 AM

There has always been BS in Cleveland (I once lived near there), but now the quality has reached new levels of Low. I remember when Ralph Perk was mayor: not only did he set his hair on fire with a welding torch, and he is supposed to have told his wife to decline an invitation from Pat Nixon and the Whitehouse by "tell them it's your bowling night." Many other examples exist of Clevelandish BS (after all, not every city has the river catch fire), but none before has reached the lows reached now.

To be fair, this pitiful BS is not emanating from Cleveland and should be only temporary, like a blanket of heavy smog during a temperature inversion. What amazes me is that Lake Erie hasn't risen up in protest and washed it away.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 19 Jul 16 - 10:10 PM

Speeches? Solilesqueezes?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 19 Jul 16 - 09:59 PM

All of my time portals are trash cans. I put something in and eventually it disappears, but sometimes it takes a forward-linear-progression (relative to my normal time continuum [whatever that is], of course, that is) of months.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 19 Jul 16 - 08:14 PM

Oh dear! I hope no Republicans follow this thread. I may have inadvertently given them a plausible explanation for the glaring similarities between the speeches of Mrs. Trump ans Mrs. Obama. All they have to do is claim that an earlier draft of Melania's speech was tossed into what appeared to be a trashcan, but which was, in fact, an opening into a time portal leading back to 2008.

Hey, anyone gullible enough to buy "Build a wall and make Mexico pay for it!" is gullible enough to buy a a trashcan time portal.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 19 Jul 16 - 07:13 PM

Yes, Gluon is actually responsible for the plagiarism controversy surrounding Melania Trump's speech at the Republican convention. She did not plagiarize. Gluon stole a copy of the speech from her office, hopped on his hyperspatial surfboard and rode a space-time anomaly wave to 2008, where he gave it to Michelle Obama. Michelle actually plagiarized Melania! It just appears the other way to most humans because they see time as only pointing in one direction.

Gluon thinks it's the greatest practical joke he's ever pulled. Even better than the time he shat in Amos's shoes. He's really laughing his tail feathers off over this one.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 19 Jul 16 - 06:08 PM

Gluon has been hyperspatilaizing the Republican National Convention, in the hopes that by defragmenting the lobes and distortions formed by an intense accumulation of random chaos-derived mass at various intervals the length and breadth of that segment of the Continuum he might be able to manage the penetration of a small amount of light. So far, no light has been seen escaping from the distortions and the Continuum continues to look like an atrophied bowel with rabid histiocytomas eating at it.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 19 Jul 16 - 07:58 AM

Gluon left me something as well. Now I gotta get the carpet cleaned.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 19 Jul 16 - 03:21 AM

I have received the following email from Gluon:


Quark!


(Translation: A Hyperspatial Roller Derby rink! Wow! You gotta be kiddin'! I freakin' LOVE Hyperspatial Roller Derby! I mean, like, I've enjoyed visiting your planet and hangin' with you guys and all that shit, but a Hyperspatial Roller Derby rink! Been nice knowin' ya.)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 18 Jul 16 - 10:05 PM

Well, they did it. The Idaho Legion finally got the twin 40mm Bofors gun outside the Hovel to shoot.

They had to use it as a muzzle loader, of course. They poured about 270 grams of 1F black powder down each muzzle and rammed in a load of scrap metal rolled up inside a greased burlap sack.

Fortunately Tater Jack and the boys had the forethought to drill fuse holes BEFORE loading the powder. They tried this once before with a length of sewer pipe and found that it wasn't smart to drill the fuse holes into the powder after it was loaded in the pipe.

Anyway, they rolled both fuses into one and lit it. I have to say that uproar exceeded their wildest dreams. The cops came (again). The fire department came. The Union Pacific Railroad came -- something about some scrap metal landing on a car transporting BMWs. And the FAA had a lot to say about how the boys nearly shot down a CRJ belonging to Skywest.

The last was easily dealt with by explaining that it was, after all, an anti-aircraft gun and the commercial jet should have expected to get shot at if it was flying into active anti-aircraft shooting practice.

So, if anyone would like to contribute to bail money for Tater Jack, Slim Fats, Filthy Bill, and the rest (too numerous to mention) please let me know. The Colonel General informed them that the Bail Fund was empty after the Fourth of July Annual Bash and Celebration.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 18 Jul 16 - 09:27 PM

It certainly is nice to know that the Galactic Overlord has its eye on us. I get warm, fuzzy feelings just thinking about it.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 18 Jul 16 - 09:08 PM

I have received the following email addendum from The Galactic Overlord:

Dear Bee-dubya,

Needless to say, that should have been "GOs" in my earlier email, not "GAs". A GA would be a Galactic Asshole. While that is perhaps an apt description of the fellow who oversees the Large Magellanic Cloud, I wouldn't apply it to most of my fellow GOs.

Again, enjoy your last few months of existence.


Yours Truly,

The Galactic Overlord


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 18 Jul 16 - 07:33 PM

I have received the following email from The Galactic Overlord:

Dear Bee-dubya,

I am rapidly becoming extremely disgusted with your species. In meetings with my fellow GAs from nearby galaxies, I have gone to bat for Homo Sapiens more times than I can remember. I really thought you guys had so much unrealized potential. But it has recently become abundantly clear to me that you're nothing but a bunch of brainless fuckups incapable of making rational decisions that actually benefit your own welfare.

I have decided that the region of your solar system currently occupied by your planet's orbit would be better used as a hyperspatial Roller Derby rink. Construction will begin on the second Tuesday in November.

Enjoy the time you have left.


Sincerely,

The Galactic Overlord


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 18 Jul 16 - 01:29 PM

So is this dressing up for a date with your doctor?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 18 Jul 16 - 10:14 AM

"Chongo, Chongo, Chongo, I don't want to leave the Congo, no, no, no, no, no...." (music playing)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 18 Jul 16 - 09:57 AM

"Why, M17 is an arm of aytch are em's Services," said Penelope, wide-eyed and innocently.

"I figgered that out, chicky," replied Chonga, reverting in her language to her previous, ill-paying, occupation of tough private dick. "But what I wanna know is, what do they do?"

"W...they serve her majesty, the queen!" Penelope answered with a grin. "And depending upon who is on the Throne, they might well serve his majesty the queen, as they did Edward II."

"I thought M17 was for propaganda," interjected Chinga.

"Only the cover of a cover," said Penelope. "And I must tell you both that you know more than citizens of the UK and bad things may happen to you if you blab about it."

There was a knock on the door. Chinga answered it and all but whistled at the man who knocked.

Tall, obviously fit, his clothing for deep cold did nothing to hide his military bearing. He introduced himself.

"Good evening, ladies. I am General Sir Nigel West. May I come in?"

"Nigel!" gushed Penelope with sincerity. "Come in! Come in! This is Chinga and this is her twin sister Chonga. Chinga, Chonga...my old friend Nigel West. He has letters after his name, like VC and OBE and CGC and...."

"PhD," said Nigel. He smiled and said, "I finished last month. Oxcam. History. If you'd like to read it, I have copies of my dissertation, 'On the Use of the Welsh Archer as Sniper During the Wars of the Roses, With Notes Upon the Ballistics of Yew Arrows and Bows When Compared to Those of Other Nations, Especially Those of the Siberian Steppes.' It's only slightly over a thousand pages, and a certain cure for insomnia."

"I thought Wales was conquered by England long before the Wars of the Roses," Penelope said.

"Yeah," said Chonga. "In somethin' like 1299 it was all over for the jWelsh."

"Indeed," replied Nigel, "which made the damned thing easy to write, as there were no Welsh archers -- they were English. But it was a big hit with Professors Llywelyn ap Gruffudd and Owain Gwynedd, both of whom were named for Welsh kings. I doubt if they read it beyond the title."

"Celebrate!" exclaimed Penelope as she handed him a glass of the Talisker.

He sipped it and said, "Ladies, we have a bit of a journey ahead and it must be done started immediately. Please bundle up against the cold and bring a minimum of baggage -- something that you might carry had you been shopping."

They dressed for the weather, gathering a few things.

Nigel let them out though an alarmed exit door, which didn't alarm, and they boarded a snowcoach painted in winter camouflage. It drove away without almost no noise whatsoever; when they were clear of the town the driver put it in a mile-eating speed of 60 miles per hour.

"Okay, Nigel. I got the message you were coming to help us, so as our friend Chonga would say, let's have it. Spill the beans. What's up?"

(What, indeed, IS up? Why is the UK government invovled? And what is the Lone Ranger's secret identity? All this and more, coming up!)


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