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BS: The Mother of all BS threads

Amos 12 Jul 10 - 11:39 PM
Rapparee 12 Jul 10 - 11:18 PM
Rapparee 12 Jul 10 - 11:03 PM
Rapparee 12 Jul 10 - 08:24 PM
Amos 12 Jul 10 - 12:25 PM
Rapparee 12 Jul 10 - 10:52 AM
Acme 12 Jul 10 - 10:13 AM
MMario 12 Jul 10 - 10:03 AM
Eiseley 12 Jul 10 - 09:16 AM
Rapparee 11 Jul 10 - 06:52 PM
Amos 11 Jul 10 - 01:41 PM
Acme 11 Jul 10 - 12:13 PM
Amos 11 Jul 10 - 10:28 AM
Amos 11 Jul 10 - 12:43 AM
Eiseley 11 Jul 10 - 12:22 AM
Eiseley 11 Jul 10 - 12:21 AM
Eiseley 11 Jul 10 - 12:20 AM
Little Hawk 10 Jul 10 - 11:53 PM
Rapparee 10 Jul 10 - 10:17 PM
Eiseley 10 Jul 10 - 08:10 PM
Amos 10 Jul 10 - 05:10 PM
Acme 10 Jul 10 - 05:07 PM
Amos 10 Jul 10 - 04:41 PM
Acme 10 Jul 10 - 02:21 PM
Rapparee 10 Jul 10 - 01:30 PM
Amos 10 Jul 10 - 10:22 AM
Rapparee 10 Jul 10 - 09:44 AM
Acme 10 Jul 10 - 12:37 AM
Amos 09 Jul 10 - 11:56 PM
Rapparee 09 Jul 10 - 07:48 PM
Acme 09 Jul 10 - 07:30 PM
Rapparee 09 Jul 10 - 06:26 PM
Amos 09 Jul 10 - 09:56 AM
Acme 09 Jul 10 - 12:24 AM
Rapparee 08 Jul 10 - 06:05 PM
Acme 08 Jul 10 - 06:00 PM
Amos 08 Jul 10 - 02:12 PM
Rapparee 08 Jul 10 - 01:56 PM
Acme 08 Jul 10 - 01:53 PM
Amos 08 Jul 10 - 12:44 PM
MMario 08 Jul 10 - 11:15 AM
Rapparee 08 Jul 10 - 11:11 AM
Eiseley 07 Jul 10 - 11:55 PM
Acme 07 Jul 10 - 10:54 PM
Amos 07 Jul 10 - 10:43 PM
Rapparee 07 Jul 10 - 07:30 PM
Amos 07 Jul 10 - 07:27 PM
Rapparee 07 Jul 10 - 05:52 PM
Amos 07 Jul 10 - 02:56 PM
Amos 07 Jul 10 - 01:49 PM
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 12 Jul 10 - 11:39 PM

God, Rapaire, in the end, have you no decency???


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 12 Jul 10 - 11:18 PM

Mom! Here's another gallon of that Ever Clear you like so much!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 12 Jul 10 - 11:03 PM

Mom, I guess no one else cares. Here, have some more of them nickel seegars. And some chawin' tabakky. Jist try not to drool down onto yer dress cuz Stilly has a heckuva time gittin' them stains out.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 12 Jul 10 - 08:24 PM

Greetings, Mom! Where ya been? (As if I couldn't tell by the smell of cheap cigars and cheap booze.)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 12 Jul 10 - 12:25 PM

I fried up BBW's egg with the story attached (a one-sentence new story each day to match the egg and toast delivered) and ate my usual breakfast of orange juice, niacin tablets and a smallhandful of granola bits.

The stories--each one sentence long--are captured in her computer each morning along with a photograph of the plate. It's a wee game we started sometime back. For the first thirty or so we never recorded the stories, but she has captured about fifty breakfasts this way.

I have no idea what she intends to do with such a record. Recherche des Petits Dejeuners Perdues or some such venture...


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 12 Jul 10 - 10:52 AM

I just finished my usual breakfast of rotgut whiskey, bad coffee, and raw habenero peppers. I call it "The Breakfast of Chumpions."


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 12 Jul 10 - 10:13 AM

Great minds think alike. I have some superior sausage from a Central Texas barbecue restaurant (a one-off in the family place, not a chain where everything is the same). I ate a bite of that before I bagged the rest and put it in the freezer. Don't need much else when you have that meat, fat, and pepper combo working for you!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 12 Jul 10 - 10:03 AM

MOM says she''ll have the pastrami sandwich, and put the egg into her bloody mary, raw....it might help the migraine she has this morning.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Eiseley
Date: 12 Jul 10 - 09:16 AM

Good morning MOM,
You've lain abed long enough. Would you like a pastrami sandwich with your egg, or just a piece of toast? Tom opted for the sandwich so he could have more brain power at Robotics camp today. But it's your call.

Eiseley


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 11 Jul 10 - 06:52 PM

Ha, ha, Amos -- you just said,
But I myself went out and did!
If you wanted the very next post
Now the race to it you lost!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 11 Jul 10 - 01:41 PM

Three Six Five and sixty-five
Mother has remained alive.
Let us hope and let us pray
She will reach the next of Kay!
If she won't or is done in,
Let us reach the next of Kin.
Lacking that, to mourn her with,
We could write the next of Kith.
Telegrams via Holy Ghost!
I'd rather write the next of Posts.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 11 Jul 10 - 12:13 PM

Very nice!

Looks like Texas is trying to shake that cloudy wet funk it has been under for the last two and a half weeks. We need enough sun to burn the lawn to a crisp, then I'll know I'm back in Texas again.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 11 Jul 10 - 10:28 AM

In the heart of the Art Deco wonderland that is Balboa Park there is a small area surrounded by bamboo gates and fences called the Japanese Friendship Park.   The interior has a series of wandering paths, a large pond koi with a burblinbg waterfall, and a wonderful collection of bonsai treee, all set in a lovely green environment with sunlight dappling the trails and Japanese hand-crafted walkways and fountains.

I went there yesterday dressed up in a fine tuxedo with a bright white pleated shirt, gold cufflinks, onyx studs, a silken cummerbund, looking like James Bond incarnate. It was very droll; I usually wear Birkenstocks and baggy khakis. My business there was to officiate at a wedding, a young lady engineer from the office and her handsome Army Medical Corps husband, he being recently back from the ravages of Mesopotamia and very happy to be building a civilian life with his new bride.

Among the elements they wove into their ceremony was a Japanese wedding ritual called San San Kudo, sharing sips of saki from three nested cups one after the next. It was all very charming, and the parents cried, and the bride glowed happily, and all transpired as it should.

I do these every once in a while, when asked, and it is always very gratifying to see the pleasure on everyone's faces and the thrill of the Big Step Forward in the eyes of the young ones. It was a beautiful afternoon.

Da Rev


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 11 Jul 10 - 12:43 AM

Hurray for Ginger Men!!


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Eiseley
Date: 11 Jul 10 - 12:22 AM

Wheeeeeeeee!I

n honor of the occasion, here is a song I sing to the boys as we walk up the hill to school. It ends with a chase and a catch and a tickle.

Round and round and round we go
In the pan of baking dough.
Pour molasses sweet and thin.
Put a pinch of ginger in.
Butter it and roll it.
Put it in another pan.
Bake it crisp and brown and then . . .
OUT JUMP TWENTY GINGERMEN!

Eiseley


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Eiseley
Date: 11 Jul 10 - 12:21 AM

Since no one else seems to be around . . .


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Eiseley
Date: 11 Jul 10 - 12:20 AM

Well . . .


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 10 Jul 10 - 11:53 PM

The same is true of chimps. The ones who've gone professional, I mean.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 10 Jul 10 - 10:17 PM

True Boy Scouts don't shower for three weeks after they return.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Eiseley
Date: 10 Jul 10 - 08:10 PM

No fresh Latino men at the market today! Well, I practiced resounding face slaps all week just in case.

MOM, my two oldest sons came back from Scout camp this afternoon. True to scouting form, the younger took a shower and put his campfirey clothes back on, the older said he'd showered last night, so he's still good for awhile.

Eiseley


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 10 Jul 10 - 05:10 PM

Hill and gully rider, dot's me, mon!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 10 Jul 10 - 05:07 PM

That was an interesting number you bagged, Amos. 36555. Rather Rubinesque in the roundness of the characters' bottoms, don't you think?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 10 Jul 10 - 04:41 PM

What on earth, sir, is an undulating rib? Sounds like Adam acting premature again...


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 10 Jul 10 - 02:21 PM

That sounds like it hurts!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 10 Jul 10 - 01:30 PM

Well, both my right and left sides have undulating ribs, and the doctor said so after looking at the CAT scan. I'll bet you that YOU don't have undulating ribs, Amos. So there!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 10 Jul 10 - 10:22 AM

Well, the bright side, upon which you should look, is that it gives you a chance to show your insufferably self-serving side.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 10 Jul 10 - 09:44 AM

Poor, poor, Mom. Prit near three-quarters dead and nobody but me cared. Well, the mint juleps revived her. I notice she's even pouting them on her oatmeal gruel.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 10 Jul 10 - 12:37 AM

Hmmm. The math looks different a little further out. I'd a sworn it was 6 hours when I posted.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 09 Jul 10 - 11:56 PM

Now, Rapaire, you're gonna get her out of her head on bourbon, and there'll be no telling where we'll end up!! Lands sake, man!!


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 09 Jul 10 - 07:48 PM

More like nine hours, which is 75% of the way to 12 hours, at least in base 10.

Mom, with all them people coming Monday I've been cleaning the basement and the Guest Suite looks great! My workshop has been cleaned up, the new chest is sitting atop the treadle sewing machine, and I will only have the Big Room to clean (plus vacuuming the stairs). I even hooked up the VCR/DVD player to the big TV so they can watch our only DVD while they sew button blankets.

I had to return my fishing PDF, Mom, because it was too small. But that's okay, I'll just be careful around the water like I always have been except for two or three time. I certainly don't want to drown again!

Here, here's a new mint julep. This time I shoved some mint leave and sugar in the bottle of bourbon, shook it, and iced the whole bottle down. And here's a straw, too!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 09 Jul 10 - 07:30 PM

Since when is 6 hours "nearly 12?" MOM was out learning the word to this song anyway, she wasn't at the computer. The neighbors thought it was pretty funny, there she was on the porch swing pushing herself back and forth and singing "I didn't fuck it up!" at the top of her lungs.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 09 Jul 10 - 06:26 PM

Mom, I'm sorry that no one else cares enough to post in nearly twelve hours. Here's a nice mint julep, heavy on the julep.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 09 Jul 10 - 09:56 AM

That is just the right song for Mom, the High Priestess of Lamentation Over the Fuck-ed Up-edness of Everything.

Here, Mom, have a cup of microwaved Bosco.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 09 Jul 10 - 12:24 AM

Okay, whatever.

Here's the next song I want you all to learn to sing at your next public outing: Sing it real loud, okay? MOM approved it.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 08 Jul 10 - 06:05 PM

It's a serial, and the title will probably change momentarily. They always do.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 08 Jul 10 - 06:00 PM

Love that collection title, Amos.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 08 Jul 10 - 02:12 PM

We have slogged in Hell,
We have danced with Heaven
And the Kays march on
Toward THirty-Seven
And the Mother's sons
And the Mother's daughters
Pause just to sip
At the youth-font waters
Then to their toes
And heels they spring,
Back to the Dance
ANd the magic ring,
Back to the forests,
Back to the moon,
Back to the strains
Of that BS tune,
With the amps cranked higher
Than eleven!
And the posts march on,
Toward Thirty Seven.


Algernon Drachma Styxx
Across the River, But Not Out of the Woods
from the "March of Madness" series of collected poems
Edison Westinghouse Bitmaps, Inc.
West Village, 1965


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 08 Jul 10 - 01:56 PM

They only visit people are welcome in the area.

I've only met one myself.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 08 Jul 10 - 01:53 PM

I met the most bizarre Welcome Wagon lady one time, in Glasgow, KY. She came to the door with a bag of gadgets and advertising stuff from various area retailers and kind of pushed her way in. We had hardly begun to unpack, so I think we perched on boxes while she unloaded her bag of loot. I think I still have the Glasgow Hardware yard stick around here. I never thought those people actually existed. I've never met another since!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 08 Jul 10 - 12:44 PM

...by the ripe and feculent odor of decaying identities...


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 08 Jul 10 - 11:15 AM

People in Cognito have a much higher standard of living then the people in Continent. And they don't have to have their sense of smell deadened.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 08 Jul 10 - 11:11 AM

Nobody recognizes anyone else down there anyway. The Welcome Wagon people went out of busy, there are no pictures on Facebook, and in fact the whole place doesn't even appear on any maps (unlike, say, Oz or Barsoom or the Duchy of Grand Fenwick or Liechtenstein). In fact, pilots flying in have to come in by radar and instruments and after leaving they don't remember where they've been. The national costume for both men and women is a burqa with BIG sunglasses and it is never removed while you are in the country. Everyone also wears a Tyvek hazmat suit so they don't accidentally leave DNA particles around.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Eiseley
Date: 07 Jul 10 - 11:55 PM

And should there be some kind of native rebellion there in Cognito, with poisoned arrows and the like, they may have to have a mass cure aid to heal everyone involved. But with everyone swathed in bandages, no one would be able to recognize anyone else.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 07 Jul 10 - 10:54 PM

Damn. I forgot what I was going to say . . .


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 07 Jul 10 - 10:43 PM

YEah, he could bully his way onto the plane, and so on, but once he was in Cognito, no-one would pay him any mind.



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 07 Jul 10 - 07:30 PM

So Chongo could just fly down to Cognito and solve his problems either personally or by proxy, huh?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 07 Jul 10 - 07:27 PM

Ahh. Well. it's a chimp. but she's in Cognito. She wanted to fly direct, but the travel agent told her it wasn't possible, she would have to rent a car at the main airport at Sum. He said if you're going to Cognito, ergo Sum, don't put Descartes before da whores.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 07 Jul 10 - 05:52 PM

Looks more like one of them Rhesus pieces than a chimp chump.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 07 Jul 10 - 02:56 PM

Chinga plans her revenge against her brother Chongo while taking a vacation break at a remote resort location...


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 07 Jul 10 - 01:49 PM

Seemliness versus grace? Ah, monsieur...VIVA la difference!!!!!


A


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