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BS: The Mother of all BS threads

Rapparee 07 Feb 10 - 03:08 PM
Acme 07 Feb 10 - 01:36 PM
Rapparee 07 Feb 10 - 11:12 AM
Janie 07 Feb 10 - 09:44 AM
Amos 06 Feb 10 - 10:52 PM
Rapparee 06 Feb 10 - 07:00 PM
Amos 06 Feb 10 - 06:07 PM
Rapparee 06 Feb 10 - 01:54 PM
Amos 06 Feb 10 - 11:31 AM
Rapparee 05 Feb 10 - 10:45 PM
Amos 05 Feb 10 - 09:43 PM
mousethief 05 Feb 10 - 05:59 PM
gnu 05 Feb 10 - 05:29 PM
Acme 05 Feb 10 - 05:03 PM
Amos 05 Feb 10 - 04:50 PM
Rapparee 05 Feb 10 - 02:42 PM
Amos 05 Feb 10 - 10:19 AM
Rapparee 05 Feb 10 - 10:17 AM
Acme 05 Feb 10 - 10:11 AM
Amos 05 Feb 10 - 10:03 AM
Rapparee 04 Feb 10 - 10:24 PM
Acme 04 Feb 10 - 10:22 PM
Rapparee 04 Feb 10 - 09:58 PM
Rapparee 04 Feb 10 - 09:35 PM
Donuel 04 Feb 10 - 06:17 PM
Rapparee 04 Feb 10 - 04:46 PM
Amos 04 Feb 10 - 02:37 PM
Janie 04 Feb 10 - 10:48 AM
Amos 04 Feb 10 - 09:28 AM
Rapparee 04 Feb 10 - 09:17 AM
mousethief 03 Feb 10 - 11:28 PM
Rapparee 03 Feb 10 - 11:22 PM
Acme 03 Feb 10 - 09:05 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 03 Feb 10 - 08:46 PM
Janie 03 Feb 10 - 08:42 PM
Amos 03 Feb 10 - 08:19 PM
Rapparee 03 Feb 10 - 07:54 PM
Amos 03 Feb 10 - 07:16 PM
mousethief 03 Feb 10 - 07:10 PM
Amos 03 Feb 10 - 07:02 PM
Rapparee 03 Feb 10 - 01:50 PM
Amos 03 Feb 10 - 11:45 AM
Acme 03 Feb 10 - 11:28 AM
Rapparee 03 Feb 10 - 09:40 AM
Amos 02 Feb 10 - 11:42 PM
Rapparee 02 Feb 10 - 11:19 PM
mousethief 02 Feb 10 - 09:29 PM
Rapparee 02 Feb 10 - 08:54 PM
Acme 02 Feb 10 - 07:53 PM
Janie 02 Feb 10 - 06:48 PM
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 07 Feb 10 - 03:08 PM

When I was a sprout I would have happily operated on one or both of my brothers. I carried a Boy Scout pocket knife I had specially sharpened just so I could do medical procedures on them, like saving their lives after a rattlesnake bite or an appendectomy or even a tracheotomy. Mom wouldn't let me get it really sharp because she was afraid I might hurt myself, so I sharpened it with edge 90 degrees to the whetstone.

Never got the chance, though. No cooperation at all from rattlesnakes or their appendices or anything. Totally ruined my childhood, not being able to save my brothers' lives by amputating a cannonball-shattered leg.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 07 Feb 10 - 01:36 PM

I posted again yesterday and it vanished. Darn.

Son ended up at emergency room with gut pain early in the morning. His dad called, and we thought it was his usual migraine, and they would tell us so, so I didn't go down. We'd tried to get this diagnosed a couple of other times in years past but the emergency room at the children's hospital is so busy that the pain would pass before we got in to be seen, so we left. So the theory was a less busy hospital would be able to tell us it was a migraine.

The surgeon told us he had a slight elevated white count and the appendix (after a CT scan) was a little large, though it could be a normal size because it was within the normal range on the large side. He wanted to do an appendectomy that afternoon. Son had been on morphine for a while, he was in a lot of pain, but he was also really constipated. Full bowel with surgery? No problem, the surgeon says. We were skeptical, and decided that since he had a range of a few days before this might become critical if it was an appendix problem, we'd take him home and use the laxative the surgeon said he could take. Including that bottle of citrus salty stuff you take before surgery. It took that overnight, but it worked. And I don't think taking out the appendix "so if he gets this again, you can rule out appendicitis" is a good reason for subjecting a kid to abdominal surgery.

Duh. We need to make sure he has more roughage in his diet. I was slipping last week, and I think that was the culprit.

Okay, back to the regular BS. The Appendectomy S-blocked bowel has now been remedied.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 07 Feb 10 - 11:12 AM

It's okay, Janie. My nnnerves have ssssetttled down adquit a byttt.

Actually, I never was nervous or shaken. It was done, it was over, and I mostly wanted to figure out what happened to the lights. We had a problem with a breaker burning itself up about two weeks ago and I was more concerned with that than anything else. It was only after the electrician found the bullet I REALLY knew what had happened -- and if it was fired in my direction the shooter needs lessons.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Janie
Date: 07 Feb 10 - 09:44 AM

Dang, Rap!

Was gonna offer you a cuppa joe to settle your nerves, only when I went to pour it right now, I discovered I had forgotten to add coffee before hitting the "brew" button.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 06 Feb 10 - 10:52 PM

It strikes me that your sanctum sanctorum should naturally be behind something really solid and hard to penetrate. That open door is a nice gesture but perhaps you should use a Green Door instead. Tell people to knock three times and ask for Joe.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 06 Feb 10 - 07:00 PM

My office sits behind a wall of good, honest BRICK, sir. Two or three courses of it. The hole in the drywall was in the wall that was put up to divide the old stacks area into rooms back in about 1992. Heck, part of my office is behind the (blocked, non-functioning) fireplace.

Bro's thought was somebody on the "bridge" between the old and new buildings popping a round through the open door to Administration and angling it so it went through the open door to my office (I really do have an open door policy!). I'm going to look at angles, sight lines, and the security camera tapes on Monday.

If that doesn't turn up anything, well, I'll just write it off as the time the 1907 building shot itself.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 06 Feb 10 - 06:07 PM

If that were the case you'd at least find an entry hole through the drywall, wouldn't you?


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 06 Feb 10 - 01:54 PM

My very own younger brother thinks someone tweaking on meth used a .380 (9mm short) to take a shot in my direction through my open door. He's retired from the IL state police, so he thinks that way. If it happens again I'll asssume that is the case and move my office. Electricians get pricey.

I'll check the sight lines and security cameras on Monday.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 06 Feb 10 - 11:31 AM

Dang. A Hall of Books is not supposed to be randomly filled with Lead. Except in Rapaire's case, the two don't generally mix well.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 05 Feb 10 - 10:45 PM

It was fired and the copper jacketing and lead core were mashed where they hit the conduit. We have not found the cartridge case, which I suspect is in pieces somewhere inside the wall. I will admit that I own a .357 magnum, which will fire .38 rounds, but I don't carry it except to the range, it's a gate-loader revolver, and it's single action (you have to cock the hammer each time you shoot, like all good cowboys did). Ann was sitting in my office, facing me. She would probably have noticed if I was holding one of these.

We're writing off as one of the Library's mysteries. If it happens again, well...maybe that's a sign From Above that I best git outa Dodge.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 05 Feb 10 - 09:43 PM

I think it was Mrs. Murphy.

Rapaire, come on now. How'd a .38 bulet get into yer wiring? Was it fired or still in its shell? Any bloodstain on it?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: mousethief
Date: 05 Feb 10 - 05:59 PM

Who put that bullet hole in Peggy's kitchen wall?

O..O
=o=


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 05 Feb 10 - 05:29 PM

"3. The CIA has bullets that can go through windows without leaving a trace."

Modern technology, eh? What are they gonna come with next?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 05 Feb 10 - 05:03 PM

And I had a lucky guess. Are you wearing a flack jacket for the time being?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 05 Feb 10 - 04:50 PM

In other words you have not a clue....



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 05 Feb 10 - 02:42 PM

1. Andrew Carnegie, whose portrait is in my office, is pissed off with me.

2. The bullet was left in the wall when the wall was put in back in 1992 or so.

3. The CIA has bullets that can go through windows without leaving a trace.

4. The bullet was on the ledge at the top of the windows (about 12 feet up) and that was its day to go BANG.

5. Lee Harvey Oswald and/or John Wilkes Booth.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 05 Feb 10 - 10:19 AM

How did the bullet get into the wiring? Someone use it as a fuse? I guy did that with a .22 LR shell one night out gigging frogs in the back country, and about two miles later it heated up and went off, hitting him right in the testicles.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 05 Feb 10 - 10:17 AM

Dear Mom,

It was a .38 bullet that hit a conduit that shorted the electric out.

1. I don't own a .38.
2. There wasn't a .38 in my office.
3. There are no holes in the windows or walls.
4. I don't know, but I'm glad no one was hurt.
5. I'm going to keep the bullet as a good luck piece.
6. I'm getting a lot of hassle from the electricians.
7. Since she's not here, I'm blaming my #2.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 05 Feb 10 - 10:11 AM

Whoa! I just hit a nasty capture-and-scare-the-bejezus-out-of-a-novice computer user page. I was searching for a plant a friend sent a photo of (he wants to grow them himself, but only has a photo of the dry pod) so I was searching. One page came up and immediately a script screen popped up saying I was infested with trojans and viruses. And when (I knew it would happen, but did it anyway) you click the little X on the upper right corner, it triggered a new screen to appear with a video looking like my browser was running a scan. What a lot of work someone has gone to to scare users into responding inappropriately. And after using control/alt/delete to simply drop the browser window (because now none of the usual commands will work since they rewire those with code) it actually reloaded to that page, so I had to control/alt/delete to get rid of it.

Those kinds of programmers are the ones I would happily kick in the nuts if I met them on the street. And I'd kick 'em HARD. They probably play havoc with a lot of unsuspecting users computers.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 05 Feb 10 - 10:03 AM

IT would be foolish to take the wiring for granite. It's usually copper, and not gneiss.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 04 Feb 10 - 10:24 PM

No holes in the windows, and Ann isn't mad at me right now (besides, I had her .22). Dunno what happened, but having had a breaker burn out quite recently I don't take the wiring for granted anymore.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 04 Feb 10 - 10:22 PM

Love in the Checkout Aisle is probably a Silhouette, with the red cover, not a pastel Harlequin. A little racier, a little more steam coming out of peoples ears (or nostrils).

A hole in the wall, Rap? So the murderous swines taking a pot shot at you missed then? That's a good thing! But to hit the electrical wires in the process, that's a bad thing.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 04 Feb 10 - 09:58 PM

Well, Mom, I'm heading off to beddy-bye. I have to get to work early tomorrow to see why my office wall blew up today. It's just a little hole, about .5 inches across, but the lights are out and the breakers go "BANG! SNAP!" when I reset them. This indicates an electrical problem, I think.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 04 Feb 10 - 09:35 PM

That's a bodice ripper, not a Harlequin. "Love in the Checkout Aisle," yeah. But not lust, not even as a lust resort.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Donuel
Date: 04 Feb 10 - 06:17 PM

Would you still respcet me in the morning after having read the Harliquin novel I wrote? 'Lust in the check out aisle'


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 04 Feb 10 - 04:46 PM

Sorry, "Amos", but I meant John Murrell and John Hart Crenshaw.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 04 Feb 10 - 02:37 PM

The Harpes!! Those Tory-sucking establishmentarian snakebellies? You are a dawg, sir, to so scandalize my wrong name.



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Janie
Date: 04 Feb 10 - 10:48 AM

He's probably deeply engrossed in "Mosquito Growing for Dummies."


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 04 Feb 10 - 09:28 AM

I submit, knowing BWL's general interests, that you are deeply and sadly wrong about the books.

I would put even money on it.

This is very sad because Our BookMaster has let us down in his specialty, AND because the Creator of the WHole Universe has revealed his blindness.

I feel my whole world shaking...



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 04 Feb 10 - 09:17 AM

It's called that out of respect for tradition, nothing more. They're not even bodice rippers. But I always say, let people read what they want. If Bee-Dubya wants to follow the amorous adventures of Chastity and Johnny as they take long moonlit WALKS on the beach while waiting until after marriage for their first peck on the check, well, that's his decision. They're often read by women of his age.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: mousethief
Date: 03 Feb 10 - 11:28 PM

They have a plot?

O..O
=o=


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 03 Feb 10 - 11:22 PM

302 Harlequin romance novels. And he never notices that they all have the same plot.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 03 Feb 10 - 09:05 PM

Catching up on the paperback romances, BWL?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 03 Feb 10 - 08:46 PM

Hi, Mom! Sorry I haven't been visiting much. A friend gave us a huge box of books. I'd rather read than play on the computer right now. Bye!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Janie
Date: 03 Feb 10 - 08:42 PM

Minze!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 03 Feb 10 - 08:19 PM

Damn you, Rapaire, for blowing my cover. Not that he didn't enjoy it but it made him too ashamed to do his job.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 03 Feb 10 - 07:54 PM

I know your real name, "Amos." I even know what you look like and where you live and shop.

I think I'll tell everyone your real name.

"Amos"'s real name is Norbert Oliver Smetana. He is no relation at all to the composer, and indeed his family adopted the surname when they slipped secretly off the ship as it docked in Elizabeth, New Jersey, evading the immigration officials and police. After months of peripatetic wanderings, they settled in the mountains of eastern Tennessee. "Amos" told me that family belief is that they are related to Big and Little Harpe.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 03 Feb 10 - 07:16 PM

You;'re one of the few who once knew my real name, Mousethief. It would be a shame if you forgot it. We might have to send Shane after you....



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: mousethief
Date: 03 Feb 10 - 07:10 PM

As far as I know you're all imaginary, except the few I've seen at mudcat gatherings. All of whose names I have forgotten, because I'm an idiot that way, except Thomas the Rhymer, who as I remember had a delightfully odd personality and played DADGAD.

O..O
=o=


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 03 Feb 10 - 07:02 PM

Man, I think it's a bit odd to be so focused on an imaginary character that you hire someone to rub them out, Rapaire. I am sure this is because you don't want to go looking for Shane yourself. For one thing, if you found yourself face to face with him, it might mean something hard to face about yourself. But I don't see that sending hitmen really lessons that embarrassing truth.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 03 Feb 10 - 01:50 PM

Actually, there's a real psycho coming to see Shame.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 03 Feb 10 - 11:45 AM

OH, I amsoo glad you reached the psycho. LH, please take note if you want Shane preserved; Rapaire if getting in touch with psychos. Or maybe its his own inner psycho, he doesn't say.



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 03 Feb 10 - 11:28 AM

Go visit the CD to vinyl thread. They're skimming good material.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 03 Feb 10 - 09:40 AM

Okay...last night I located a doctor and a psycho I need to contact and whom I haven't been in contact with in eight years or so.

Now Amos can be joyful too! And everyone else! Sing! Dance! Drink copious amounts of wine! Throw someone into the pool! Set off illuminations and bonfires!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 02 Feb 10 - 11:42 PM

MOM!!! Rapaire won't discuss his JOYYYYY!!!! Tell him he gots to SHARE!!!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 02 Feb 10 - 11:19 PM

Mom, for reasons I won't discuss I am full of joy right now! Of course, you know why, but I ain't gonna discuss it.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: mousethief
Date: 02 Feb 10 - 09:29 PM

The Nemo Toad was the other option, besides the clown fish. The Ellen Degeneres character was going to be a tree frog. Check it out if you think it's not true.

O..O
=o=


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 02 Feb 10 - 08:54 PM

AND I've found a new filter for...well, you're all familiar with anodes and cathodes, I'm sure. I've found one that works with dark energy, the "nothingness" energy. I call it the nemotode.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 02 Feb 10 - 07:53 PM

Just when you think people might finally have run out of material. . .


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Janie
Date: 02 Feb 10 - 06:48 PM

Or not.


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