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BS: The Mother of all BS threads

Little Hawk 22 Apr 09 - 01:43 PM
Amos 22 Apr 09 - 01:36 PM
GUEST,Blind DRunk in Blind River 22 Apr 09 - 12:48 PM
MMario 22 Apr 09 - 12:16 PM
Rapparee 22 Apr 09 - 12:12 PM
Little Hawk 22 Apr 09 - 12:00 PM
Amos 22 Apr 09 - 11:37 AM
Acme 22 Apr 09 - 11:30 AM
MMario 22 Apr 09 - 10:49 AM
Rapparee 22 Apr 09 - 09:40 AM
Rapparee 22 Apr 09 - 09:35 AM
Little Hawk 22 Apr 09 - 01:30 AM
Amos 22 Apr 09 - 12:21 AM
Rapparee 21 Apr 09 - 11:17 PM
Janie 21 Apr 09 - 10:56 PM
Amos 21 Apr 09 - 10:52 PM
Acme 21 Apr 09 - 10:49 PM
Rapparee 21 Apr 09 - 09:18 PM
Amos 21 Apr 09 - 07:39 PM
Rapparee 21 Apr 09 - 07:32 PM
Little Hawk 21 Apr 09 - 06:46 PM
gnu 21 Apr 09 - 06:36 PM
Little Hawk 21 Apr 09 - 06:20 PM
Amos 21 Apr 09 - 06:11 PM
Little Hawk 21 Apr 09 - 06:05 PM
Amos 21 Apr 09 - 05:58 PM
Rapparee 21 Apr 09 - 05:57 PM
Rapparee 21 Apr 09 - 05:51 PM
Amos 21 Apr 09 - 05:20 PM
Rapparee 21 Apr 09 - 05:05 PM
MMario 21 Apr 09 - 04:23 PM
Rapparee 21 Apr 09 - 04:17 PM
Rapparee 21 Apr 09 - 04:08 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 21 Apr 09 - 04:05 PM
Rapparee 21 Apr 09 - 03:55 PM
Rapparee 21 Apr 09 - 03:38 PM
Acme 21 Apr 09 - 03:32 PM
Amos 21 Apr 09 - 03:16 PM
MMario 21 Apr 09 - 03:10 PM
Amos 21 Apr 09 - 03:00 PM
Little Hawk 21 Apr 09 - 02:59 PM
Rapparee 21 Apr 09 - 02:54 PM
Rapparee 21 Apr 09 - 02:48 PM
MMario 21 Apr 09 - 02:13 PM
Little Hawk 21 Apr 09 - 01:58 PM
Amos 21 Apr 09 - 01:31 PM
MMario 21 Apr 09 - 01:30 PM
Little Hawk 21 Apr 09 - 12:57 PM
Amos 21 Apr 09 - 10:30 AM
MMario 21 Apr 09 - 10:10 AM
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 22 Apr 09 - 01:43 PM

True solypsism never yields, not even in the face of death!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 22 Apr 09 - 01:36 PM

I am not surprised that his last thoughts were ones of self-directed admiration. It seems so...how to say..in character, does it not?


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Blind DRunk in Blind River
Date: 22 Apr 09 - 12:48 PM

ABOUT FLIPPIN' TIME!!! That mother-flippin', corkpullin' son of a flippin' dead dog mother-flippin' LOOSER has finelly come to the flippin' end he DERSERVED!

That bolthole has been a flippin' thorne in my side every since I can flippin' rembbmeber and I hope they throw his flippin' body in the nesarest dubmpster! He is a flippin' goof. No ones gonna miss him. No sir. There will probally be some ginormus celibrashuns all over when news gets out that he is gone forever. I bet it will be made a new nahsunal holiday.

Boy, this is good news. I waited years for it.

Goodbye, you FLIPhead! No flippin' regrets here.

- Shane


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 22 Apr 09 - 12:16 PM

OH MY GOD!

RAPAIRE'S BEEN SHOT!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 22 Apr 09 - 12:12 PM

The guards came for me as I sat in my dimly lit cell, the stinking water from the leaking toilet above dripping down the walls. I stood as they came in, smiling at them, knowing that they were only doing their unpleasant duty.

The priest came in with them and offered me the Last Rites, but never having sinned I gently thanked him and refused. We walked out in that long, long hallway.

As I passed the other cells the prisoners would call out "Be strong!" and "God bless you!" Finally, we arrived and after the preliminaries I boldly removed my upper garments and bare-chested faced the shooting party.

There was no reprieve. The fluoroscope was positioned over my left shoulder and the needle injected not once, but twice, penetrating into the ligament capsule surrounding the rotator cuff, spraying out its contents of lidocaine and cortisone.

Then it was over and I was free to go, the shooting being executed according to orders.

Mom, my last thought was of how really neat it was to see my shoulder bones on the x-ray machine. Sorry.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 22 Apr 09 - 12:00 PM

Alas, we have seen the end of Rapaire! What a tragedy! What a loss! Who is going to quarrel with Amos now on a daily basis here? Will I have to step into the breech and take over Rapaire's role in that respect? Do I have the fortitude? Am I silly enough to carry it off in proper style? Tune in at regular intervals to follow this astounding story!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 22 Apr 09 - 11:37 AM

Knowing our Man of Bookes, he is being shot by large expensive digital cameras, in order to promulgate his features to swooning housewives all over Pocatello in some glossy magazine like "Whodaho Today" or "The Pocatello Feller Weekly".


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 22 Apr 09 - 11:30 AM

Your question seems to have come a few minutes too late, Man of Emms. More than an hour has passed.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 22 Apr 09 - 10:49 AM

What are they shooting you FOR? Was it worth it?

Do you regret having but one life to give for MOM?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 22 Apr 09 - 09:40 AM

Mom, in a little over an hour they're going to shoot me. I'm going to refuse the blindfold and a last cigarette (since I gave up smoking years ago). I'll try to say something insightful and yet witty and remember, Mom -- you were in my thoughts to the last.

I hope someone writes a tear-jerking song about it, like they have about Padraig Pearse and James Connelly and all those guys.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 22 Apr 09 - 09:35 AM

Guy sent me an email with the wording of a bumpersticker he saw:

Politicians and diapers
Must be changed for the reason


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 22 Apr 09 - 01:30 AM

I'll see your swan and raise you 2 ducks and an emu. ;-)

Yeah, those girls were simply marvelous!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 22 Apr 09 - 12:21 AM

Oh, gwan witchoo--you don't mean he was really that pasty gray color?? I swan!!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 21 Apr 09 - 11:17 PM

Back when Will was ropin' they didn't have no tekneekolor.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Janie
Date: 21 Apr 09 - 10:56 PM

Those girls realy were something else!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 21 Apr 09 - 10:52 PM

Wal, that Will is one helluva rope-twirler, for sure; but somehow those girls were more inspiring.

Maybe its because they were in technicolor?



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 21 Apr 09 - 10:49 PM

I was in a hurry earlier so didn't give more information. William Macy does a marvelous job reading this poem:

'The Drunken Driver Has the Right Of Way'
by Ethan Coen

The loudest have the final say,
The wanton win, the rash hold sway,
The realist's rules of order say
The drunken driver has the right of way.

The Kubla Khan can butt in line;
The biggest brute can take what's mine;
When heavyweights break wind, that's fine;
No matter what a judge might say,
The drunken driver has the right of way.

The guiltiest feel free of guilt;
Who care not, bloom; who worry, wilt;
Plans better laid are rarely built
For forethought seldom wins the day;
The drunken driver has the right of way.

The most attentive and unfailing
Carefulness is unavailing
Wheresoever fools are flailing;
Wisdom there is held at bay;,
The drunken driver has the right of way.

De jure is de facto's slave;
The most foolhardy beat the brave;
Brass routs restraint; low lies high's grave;
When conscience leads you, it's astray;
The drunken driver has the right of way.

It's only the naivest who'll
Deny this, that the reckless rule;
When facing an oncoming fool
The practiced and sagacious say
Watch out ? one side ? look sharp ? gang way.

However much you plan and pray,
Alas, alack, tant pis, oy vey,
Now ? heretofore ? til Judgment Day,
The drunken driver has the right of way.

Excerpted from 'The Drunken Driver Has The Right Of Way' by Ethan Coen. Excerpted by permission of Crown Publishing Group/Random House.

This interview and the poem were on April 16, 2009 on NPR's All Things Considered.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 21 Apr 09 - 09:18 PM

Shucks, Amos. Them girls ain't got nothin' on some of them old-time cowboys.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 21 Apr 09 - 07:39 PM

This rappary
Is frippery.
The slope you slide
On's slippery!
I'd rather run
A frappery
Than buy this use
Of Rapparee.


Oh--by the way--HEre's some folks who use their time to much better benefit than we. Worth cheering for.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 21 Apr 09 - 07:32 PM

Ya wanna hear me read them Angle-Sexy pomes?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 21 Apr 09 - 06:46 PM

Ummm...yeah...

Far out, man. Good stuff, eh?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 21 Apr 09 - 06:36 PM

Pass it over here man.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 21 Apr 09 - 06:20 PM

And that's because I am informed
Not cleaving to the witless norm
Because I know that Rapaire
Is meant to rhyme with cannery
It does not rhyme with solitaire
It does not sound like fox and hare
It sounds a note most stridently
By which we call it "Rap-a-REE"


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 21 Apr 09 - 06:11 PM

Gee, Little Hawk,
For all your talk
It seems to scare
You to write "Rapaire"
Or else, you find
It cannot rhyme
When pronounced in glee
As "Rapparee".



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 21 Apr 09 - 06:05 PM

Your words are just a mockery
When next' the glorious Rapaire
So go ahead, you varlet, flame us!
We're unimpressed by Ignor-Amos

;-)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 21 Apr 09 - 05:58 PM

This idle frippery will not
Explain the folly you have wrought
Or justify your loud complaint
By claiming things are so which ain't.

Come closer to the present, there
To learn the lesson, rich and rare
Of how to spell words like "Rapaire".


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 21 Apr 09 - 05:57 PM

Gif mon biž on węteręlfadle, žonne beož him ža hand-
    nęglas wonne and ža eagan tearige and wile locian nižer.
    Do him žis to lęcedome: eoforžrote, cassuc, fone niožo-
    weard, eowberge, elehtre, eolone, merscmealwan crop,

    fenminte, dile, lilie, attorlaže, polleie, marubie, docce, ellen,
    felterre, wermod, streawbergean leaf, consolde; ofgeot mid
    ealaž, do hęligwęter to, sing žis gealdor ofer žriwa:
    Ic benne awrat      betest beadowręda,
    swa benne ne burnon,      ne burston,

    ne fundian,      ne feologan,
    ne hoppettan,      ne wund waxsian,
    ne dolh diopian;      ac him self healde halewęge,
    ne ace že žon ma,      že eoržan on eare ace.
    Sing žis manegum sižum: Eorže že onbere eallum hire

    mihtum and męgenum. žas galdor mon męg singan on
    wunde.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 21 Apr 09 - 05:51 PM

On his dagum sende Gregorius us fulluht 7 Columba męssepreost com to Pihtum. 7 hi gecyrde to Cristes geleauan. Žęt synd žonne węrteras be noršum morum. 7 heora cyng him gesealde žęt igland že man Ii nemnaš. žar syndon fif hida. žęs še man seggaš. Žar se Columban getimbrade mynster, 7 he žarr węs abbod .xxxii. wintra 7 žar foršferde. ža he was .lxxvii. wintra. Ša stowe habbaš gyt his yrfnuman. Suž Pihtas węron ęr gefullode of Ninna biscope. se was on Rome gelęred. His mynster ys Hwiterne on Sanctus Martines naman gehalgod. žar he resteš mid manegum halgum. Nu sceal beon ęfre on Ii abbod, 7 na biscop. 7 žan sculon beon underšeodde ealle Scotta biscopas. for žan že Columban was abbod, na biscop.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 21 Apr 09 - 05:20 PM

THe Mother Bastard of our HEll
IS one who will not learn to spell,
Who long on paunch, and short of hair,
Cannot pronounce the plain word "paire"
Or "air" or "lair" or "fair" or "Nair"
Or even climb a simple "stair".
He thinks like someone from Paree
That all these should end in "-aree"
And gets offended, loud and puffy,
ANd starts behaving downright stuffy
If you should hold him to convention
And disallow his wylde invention.
Ah, fie, and pox, malodourous air
Upon the lungs of yon Rapaire!
Let him remain in Bastard's Hell
Until he learns how people spell.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 21 Apr 09 - 05:05 PM

Blessed Lucrezia Bellini is the patron saint of bastards.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 21 Apr 09 - 04:23 PM

Did you forget the "of"

If so - then it could be Bastard of Hell's Mother

or Mother of Hell's Bastard

or Mother Hell of Bastards (Mother Superior of The Convednt of St. Bastard)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 21 Apr 09 - 04:17 PM

And "Mother All BS Threads" becomes "Bastard Hells Mother".


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 21 Apr 09 - 04:08 PM

The boring space of not-Rapaire
Is bereft of song and joy and glee.

There. MUCH better.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 21 Apr 09 - 04:05 PM

Hi, Mom! Did you kow that "ten ton clam" is an anagram for "malcontent"?

I would've posted this information to the Malcontent thread, but it has "desired Papa".


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 21 Apr 09 - 03:55 PM

The boring space of not-Rapaire
Is said to be exceeding rare.


Again and again and again he mispronounces my nom-des-claviers. Pronounced correctly there would be no rhyme AND the meter would, in the words of the immortal Alexander Pope, "suck."

Just imagine how he would feel if I were to write something like

The boring space of not-Amos
Is filled with lint and similar dross.

One can only sigh and shrug one's shoulders that such wanton wantin' of good sense exists in the world.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 21 Apr 09 - 03:38 PM

We interviewed JA Jance yesterday.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 21 Apr 09 - 03:32 PM

Before I forget: Etan coen's 'Recreational' Writing Project

William H. Macy reads at the end of the interview. "The Drunken Driver Has the Right-Of-Way"

This was on last Thursday's All Things Considered.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 21 Apr 09 - 03:16 PM

The boring space of not-Rapaire
Is said to be exceeding rare.
A place without his strident leer
His windy tales, and watery beer.
A place without his endless books,
And pompous tales, and dirty looks.
A place beyond the Rapaire-fences,
Where words are clear and keep their senses,
Where all that is, is not misowned,
And all the world does not act stoned.
Oh, there's a place for such as I
Where simple blue describes the sky,
A world where folks don't have to fear.
In any case, it is not Here.

Skanetales Philopopolous
Songs from Anti-Matter
Baddemouthe and Flyng
Portsmouth NH, 1987


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 21 Apr 09 - 03:10 PM

For a place that has some of the kindest people I know living within it's boundaries, S- - - - - - -s is a hotbed of prejudice, snobbery and callousness.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 21 Apr 09 - 03:00 PM

No thanks to Rapaire.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 21 Apr 09 - 02:59 PM

By the time I left Skaneateles and returned to the relative paradise that is Canada, Mario, I truly hated the place. I still shiver a little inwardly whenever I hear or see the word "Skaneateles".


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 21 Apr 09 - 02:54 PM

Thanks, Rapaire.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 21 Apr 09 - 02:48 PM

ALL "Realities" are true because I have made them so. Even the "Reality" in which I do not exist is true -- boring as all hell, but true nonetheless.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 21 Apr 09 - 02:13 PM

Skaneateles will do that to a person.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 21 Apr 09 - 01:58 PM

Well, yes, Mario, I am usually willing to look at all sides. I try to be tolerant, and I'm far more tolerant now than I was in my youth (when it's easy to see things in terms of black and white only). Thank you for reminding me of that.

Amos - Yes. I guess I'm like Walt Whitman in that respect. I may indeed contradict myself because I contain multitudes. ;-) (I think that's how he put it, wasn't it?)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 21 Apr 09 - 01:31 PM

All three realities were simultaneously true, LH, and still are. It's purely a matter of filter which ones you prefer to experience.

Let me add that much as I am delighted at your restored participation in our various discussions, as a friend I should point out that you are backsliding on your commitment to win your life back by shunning Internet activities.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 21 Apr 09 - 01:30 PM

LH - you may disagree; but as far as I have seen you most assuredly do *NOT*

Assume yours is the "ONE TRUE WAY" and everyone else is automaticallly:
a) wrong
b) therefore unworthy
c) stupid and or uneducated

There's a difference between marching to a different drummer and insisting that because YOU do not march to a particular cadence, no one may march at all.

Does that make sense?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 21 Apr 09 - 12:57 PM

Heh! I actually had the DEasby Principle in my mind even as I was typing those words, MMario. What you need to do, Amos, is study a very lengthy and contentious thread all about Susan Boyle, and then you will understand. ;-D

I grasp the DEasby principle quite well, because having been a loner, and a "brain", and a rather unconventional kid altogether, I often found myself in the position of disagreeing with virtually the entire rest of the student body in my formative school years.

This could indicate either that:

1. I was brilliant, and I was surrounded by conventional morons and social conformists, neanderthals, fools, and lunkheads.

or

2. I was a pretentious and insecure little prat determined to live a life of martyrdom and misery, ignored by the girls and laughed at by the boys, scorned and rejected by my peer group, and forced to seek solace in books and solitary interests.

or

3. God is out to get me.

Heh! Oh, the vagaries of a lonely and mispent youth. Well, I shall leave it to posterity to judge what I was and was not.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 21 Apr 09 - 10:30 AM

AH, so.   Clearly a reference to an interaction I avoided....



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 21 Apr 09 - 10:10 AM

You did read the qoute above the statement, didn't you?


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