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BS: The Mother of all BS threads

Little Hawk 15 Jul 08 - 01:08 AM
Amos 15 Jul 08 - 12:15 AM
Little Hawk 14 Jul 08 - 11:00 PM
Rapparee 14 Jul 08 - 10:38 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 14 Jul 08 - 10:12 PM
Rapparee 14 Jul 08 - 09:59 PM
Amos 14 Jul 08 - 09:00 PM
Acme 14 Jul 08 - 08:21 PM
Amos 14 Jul 08 - 06:49 PM
Acme 14 Jul 08 - 06:36 PM
Amos 14 Jul 08 - 06:30 PM
Rapparee 14 Jul 08 - 05:35 PM
Rapparee 14 Jul 08 - 04:35 PM
MMario 14 Jul 08 - 04:26 PM
Amos 14 Jul 08 - 04:23 PM
MMario 14 Jul 08 - 03:42 PM
Amos 14 Jul 08 - 03:37 PM
Acme 14 Jul 08 - 02:17 PM
Amos 14 Jul 08 - 01:47 PM
Donuel 14 Jul 08 - 01:01 PM
Acme 14 Jul 08 - 12:59 PM
Rapparee 14 Jul 08 - 12:29 PM
Amos 14 Jul 08 - 11:58 AM
Rapparee 14 Jul 08 - 11:38 AM
Bee-dubya-ell 14 Jul 08 - 10:58 AM
Rapparee 14 Jul 08 - 08:54 AM
Little Hawk 14 Jul 08 - 08:54 AM
Acme 14 Jul 08 - 01:11 AM
Little Hawk 14 Jul 08 - 12:18 AM
Rapparee 13 Jul 08 - 09:55 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 13 Jul 08 - 09:27 PM
Amos 13 Jul 08 - 06:45 PM
Rapparee 13 Jul 08 - 05:55 PM
Amos 13 Jul 08 - 04:44 PM
Acme 13 Jul 08 - 03:24 PM
Amos 13 Jul 08 - 01:12 PM
Little Hawk 13 Jul 08 - 10:50 AM
Rapparee 13 Jul 08 - 10:30 AM
Amos 13 Jul 08 - 03:09 AM
Acme 13 Jul 08 - 01:24 AM
Rapparee 12 Jul 08 - 09:25 PM
Little Hawk 12 Jul 08 - 09:02 PM
Acme 12 Jul 08 - 08:12 PM
Little Hawk 12 Jul 08 - 07:46 PM
Amos 12 Jul 08 - 07:39 PM
Little Hawk 12 Jul 08 - 07:33 PM
Amos 12 Jul 08 - 06:49 PM
Acme 12 Jul 08 - 03:05 PM
Rapparee 12 Jul 08 - 10:27 AM
Amos 12 Jul 08 - 01:14 AM
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 15 Jul 08 - 01:08 AM

Or Al Harrington? How about him?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 15 Jul 08 - 12:15 AM

No, not at the time; but lately it's kinda double-hung and needs some pressin'.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 14 Jul 08 - 11:00 PM

Anyone seen Artie Fufkin lately?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 14 Jul 08 - 10:38 PM

Was it polyester double knit?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 14 Jul 08 - 10:12 PM

The only leisure suit I've ever worn is the one I was born with.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 14 Jul 08 - 09:59 PM

I tried to wear a leisure suit a long, long time ago but I was already employed AND married, so I no longer had the leisure to do so.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 14 Jul 08 - 09:00 PM

I fly with valise
My duffel is below
I'm catching Jet Blue
For a town in Ohio
They violate the baggage
They bust up your guitar,
Your Samsonite suitcase
Is showing its scars,

Get along, all you baggage
Ride around and 'round and 'round
The conveyor belt is broken,
And its slowing me down,
Get along all you baggage,
Ride around real slow,
A leisure-suited Momma
Is rarin' to go....


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 14 Jul 08 - 08:21 PM

I see by your outfit
That you are a duffel,
You see by my outfit
That I am luggage too,
We see by our outfits
That we are both baggage,
Let's run away to Denver
To the lost luggage zoo.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 14 Jul 08 - 06:49 PM

Then get me two stainless-steel baggage carts
And place them at head and at toe.
And on them to place this inscription:
"Here lies an old duffel, below".....


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 14 Jul 08 - 06:36 PM

Sounds like he's a duffel bag.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 14 Jul 08 - 06:30 PM

The only reason you think you are not baggage is because no-pne is willing to inspect your saggy white butt, Rapaire.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 14 Jul 08 - 05:35 PM

All baggage should be inspected, too.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 14 Jul 08 - 04:35 PM

EVERYONE is baggage.

Except me, of course.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 14 Jul 08 - 04:26 PM

jeez-louise! I always knew I *had* baggage, didn't realize I *was* baggage.

*sigh*


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 14 Jul 08 - 04:23 PM

The answer is no. There are no fourth class citizens.

If you fall out of third class they put you in the baggage compartment.



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 14 Jul 08 - 03:42 PM

Hey MOM! I gotta question. If you know less about something then a third class citizen does that make you a fourth class citizen? I judge by reading another thread that there are designated target for personal attack on the mudcat - and that people are encouraged to attack them.

Heck! I never seen no list, nor designation; nor encouragment for that matter.

Guess I'm just a dumb f*cker nobody tells nuthin.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 14 Jul 08 - 03:37 PM

Oh!! Alright, then. I'll take your remarks off the "suppressed resentment" stack and send them along the flow of time oproperly, then.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 14 Jul 08 - 02:17 PM

Maybe I should, otherwise it gets pulled out as a weed.

I hope, Amos, that you realized that on another thread just now I made an assertion that wasn't intended to hit everyone. I was painting with a rather broad brush and may have hit a few innocent bystanders in the process.

Sometimes these folks just chap my hide and one has to apply the Vaseline liberally at the source of irritation. Kind of like smothering a tick.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 14 Jul 08 - 01:47 PM

Do it! Cottonwoods are gracious and an ecological asset as well.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Donuel
Date: 14 Jul 08 - 01:01 PM

Rapaire, do you have a novel or two that employ some of your clever pranks/scenarios?

if not why not


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 14 Jul 08 - 12:59 PM

There's a great willow snag out at the back of the next door neighbor's property that is perfect for owls and hawks, but I've also seen a lot of other birds pause there. It's difficult to plant (intentionally) new trees that close to the creek because digging a hole and putting a tree in means it will probably get washed away next time the creek rises. It really needs to plant itself.

I have a volunteer cottonwood in a pot near the back door, and I've considered taking this little thing down and putting it in, maybe it will suck up the water so fast it will get established before the next flash flood.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 14 Jul 08 - 12:29 PM

Yeah, Bee-Dubya would want any of that other sort of dynamite. Hetero it is!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 14 Jul 08 - 11:58 AM

Only only if it's heterodyne, a mite.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 14 Jul 08 - 11:38 AM

So...dynamite, then?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 14 Jul 08 - 10:58 AM

I'm afraid there will be no burning of this particular massive bole. It's been dead for so long that it's already 50% compost. I'll probably just cut what parts of it are still more or less solid into manageable chunks, pile them up someplace out of the way, and let Mom's cousin, Mother Nature, finish the job of turning them into future garden soil.

I'll sorta miss the old eyesore since it was a favorite hunting ground for our resident red-bellied woodpeckers and I could watch them from the window beside my computer. Earlier this spring I also noticed that a couple of beetle-killed pines 100 yard or so away from the house had fallen down at some point. They were occasional perches for various hawks and kites, so they'll be missed a bit as well.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 14 Jul 08 - 08:54 AM

Or do what I do: snakehole it, shove in eight or ten sticks of 60% dynamite, and tell the cops it must have been a mis-aimed artillery shell from whatever military base is closest. That way you and your neighbors (if any) can sue the Dept. of Defense.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 14 Jul 08 - 08:54 AM

Now there's creative thinking.

You may be ready to take up residence in Blind River, Stilly. ;-) There are some cruddy old houses on Elgin Street just waiting for a new occupant.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 14 Jul 08 - 01:11 AM

Why is it these big tasks come along when it's really really hot out? I have several yard-related jobs I'd really like to finish before school starts, but we're hovering at 100 every day now and for the next six weeks at least. Forget the potting shed and the other trees, you could light a fire under the recumbent stump and move it along in a hurry.

On thing, though. You might want to what Shane would do--claim it was a lightning strike (and keep the ignition source discreet.)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 14 Jul 08 - 12:18 AM

Let it lie and tell people that it's a "lawn sculpture". You can spraypaint it some unusual color to help reinforce that notion.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 13 Jul 08 - 09:55 PM

Chopping? Remember them chain saws you bought for one of them hurrycanes a couple years ago? Use them. This time put gas in 'em and pull on the rope and don't be scared by the loud noise; that's the way they're supposed to work.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 13 Jul 08 - 09:27 PM

Hi, Mom! A really big tree just fell down in my yard! It used to be the biggest tree on our property, but it died about five years ago. It had shed most of its limbs over the years, so it was really nothing but a trunk about 60 feet tall. The last five feet or so caught the roof of our pottery studio on the way down, but it (the tree, not the studio) was so rotten it didn't do any damage. Still, choppin' it up in this heat and humidity is not going to be fun.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 13 Jul 08 - 06:45 PM

Boredom, good friend, is only in the eye of the bored.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 13 Jul 08 - 05:55 PM

I've read it. Boooooooooooooring! I prefer Dante's "Inferno," especially the notes on all the good stuff about why so-and-so was there.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 13 Jul 08 - 04:44 PM

If Rapaire will pay for a daily commute flight to Idiaho in time for bedtime for me and Little Hawk, I'll read it to them.


I'd offer to make Podcasts for them, but I don't believe they would truly and honestly listen.



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 13 Jul 08 - 03:24 PM

You'll have to read it out loud to them to be sure they get it.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 13 Jul 08 - 01:12 PM

Ya know, boys, I try to write something a little inspirational and up-scale here, and you two just want to make methane jokes. This is really discouraging. I have half a mind to make you both read Pilgrim's Progress from front to back. It's the best way.



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 13 Jul 08 - 10:50 AM

I daresay. How long did it take for the place to become habitable again?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 13 Jul 08 - 10:30 AM

We had the whole school do it at the same time and the building had to be evacuated.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 13 Jul 08 - 03:09 AM

Actually, I think these fingerlings are not anchovies, but grunion. The f-r-r-rp sound is the sound of them leaping and splishing back into the water after a leap of one or two inches. No wind is damaged in the course of this experience. It is wonderful when a whole school start doing it at the same time.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 13 Jul 08 - 01:24 AM

They're fish--they jump out of the wind and break water. . .


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 12 Jul 08 - 09:25 PM

I have run across, and am currently researching, a genuine McG of The Olde Weste.

A question for Amos: from your description of it ("frrrp sound"), may I assume that anchovies leap out of the water and break wind when threatened?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 12 Jul 08 - 09:02 PM

He's a bit more polished than McGonagall.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 12 Jul 08 - 08:12 PM

It isn't worth going there for slumming, LH. I get seasick from the back and forth sing-song pattern and occasional bad rhymes. Even BB isn't as bad as this guy. urp!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 12 Jul 08 - 07:46 PM

Check the poetry on the walkabout thread. I got inspired. ;-)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 12 Jul 08 - 07:39 PM

Whereas, in keeping with my more domesticated moral code, had to do all the cleanup first, and then crash.

It's the Puritan ethic thing, I guess....

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 12 Jul 08 - 07:33 PM

That must have been awful! Here in Ontario a crash usually only lasts a second or two. It's the cleanup afterward that takes quite a bit of time.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 12 Jul 08 - 06:49 PM

Mom, I went down to the SHores again, just as daylight started rising. I was launched in my compact yellow shell by 6, and I wnt along the waters close by the caves that dot the bluffs just seaward of La Jolla. I went into one cave, ducked though a water-formed arch and came out of another. I traced the shoreline out to the point and took off for the outer edges of the kelp, and strove northerly., Two doplhins raised up in the water about ten and twenty yards ahead, and slicked quietly back into the water, making their way somewhere known only to them. Along the coasts, large flocks of pelicans and rookeries of cormorants exist; at the hour they have not started their patrols, and look very stately, except for being surrounded by guano.

Along the long stretch north past the Scripps Oceanographic institute, I paused in complete stillness, listening to the bubbles. I was sirprised to hear a deep whoofing snore where no such snore should be. I stared closely at the broadleaf kelp floating at the edge of the great kelp forest and under one leaf I saw two large brown eyes staring out at me, just above the surface. It was a harbor seal, pausing in his morning pursuits to investigate the passer-by in the yellow-bellied boat.

Out on the belly of the PAcific, there are things going on below you that of course you know nothing of; but when the predators are in motion, one way you can tell is the nervous leapings of the tiny anchovies along the surface. Usually tey make little flips of a few inches, one at a time here and there, making tiny ripples and causing a fr-r-r-p!! sound. But when the shoal is threatened, scores or even hundreds will come frrrping and flopping along the surface, densely enough to make a wide band of water turn silver and white in the midst of a slate-blue sea. I paddled through two such shoals on my way up the coast and back.

It was a long hard paddle. As I came back down the coast to my usual landing area and moved in close enough to be picked up on the back of an incoming wave moving toward the sand, the water shifted from gray-blue to green and clear, and as I coasted over the shallows I saw four leopard sharks--little dogfish-lie critters about 3 feet long -- scouring along the bottom. They are called "leopard" because of their strange tawny-greenish skins, dappled with black spots. Then the wave picked me up and I had only the attention for keeping her straight as it carried me like an arrow through the shallows and back onto to the shore.

A long morning, started on a night short of sleep. I got everything cleaned up and put away, back home, and crashed for three hours.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 12 Jul 08 - 03:05 PM

Hey, MOM, the mustang grapes are ripe! I picked a couple of gallons this morning and got a couple of quarts of juice. I'm going to make jelly this week. These grape vines grow on a big tree across the road from my house.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 12 Jul 08 - 10:27 AM

Well, the washer hasn't broken. Yet. So I guess it was fixed before I got it.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 12 Jul 08 - 01:14 AM

It makes you wonder what ELSE life has mischievously "fixed" before delivering it to you, doesn't it?



A


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