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BS: The Mother of all BS threads

Acme 29 Nov 07 - 05:53 PM
Amos 29 Nov 07 - 05:12 PM
Little Hawk 29 Nov 07 - 04:26 PM
Amos 29 Nov 07 - 03:42 PM
Rapparee 29 Nov 07 - 03:35 PM
Amos 29 Nov 07 - 03:09 PM
Amos 29 Nov 07 - 02:51 PM
Rapparee 29 Nov 07 - 02:47 PM
GUEST,beardedbruce 29 Nov 07 - 02:33 PM
Amos 29 Nov 07 - 11:51 AM
MMario 29 Nov 07 - 11:35 AM
Little Hawk 29 Nov 07 - 11:20 AM
Amos 29 Nov 07 - 11:17 AM
MMario 29 Nov 07 - 10:36 AM
Amos 29 Nov 07 - 10:22 AM
MMario 29 Nov 07 - 10:07 AM
Amos 29 Nov 07 - 09:56 AM
Rapparee 29 Nov 07 - 09:52 AM
Amos 29 Nov 07 - 02:44 AM
Janie 29 Nov 07 - 12:49 AM
Acme 28 Nov 07 - 11:57 PM
Amos 28 Nov 07 - 11:56 PM
Rapparee 28 Nov 07 - 10:56 PM
Amos 28 Nov 07 - 10:49 PM
Rapparee 28 Nov 07 - 08:42 PM
Amos 28 Nov 07 - 08:00 PM
Rapparee 28 Nov 07 - 07:57 PM
Little Hawk 28 Nov 07 - 03:44 PM
Amos 28 Nov 07 - 03:27 PM
MMario 28 Nov 07 - 03:23 PM
Rapparee 28 Nov 07 - 03:10 PM
Amos 28 Nov 07 - 02:57 PM
Amos 28 Nov 07 - 02:56 PM
Amos 28 Nov 07 - 01:11 PM
Little Hawk 28 Nov 07 - 12:29 PM
Amos 28 Nov 07 - 12:19 PM
Amos 28 Nov 07 - 12:19 PM
Little Hawk 28 Nov 07 - 12:18 PM
MMario 28 Nov 07 - 12:17 PM
Little Hawk 28 Nov 07 - 12:16 PM
Amos 28 Nov 07 - 11:52 AM
Rapparee 28 Nov 07 - 11:51 AM
Acme 28 Nov 07 - 10:52 AM
MMario 28 Nov 07 - 10:17 AM
Little Hawk 28 Nov 07 - 10:13 AM
Rapparee 28 Nov 07 - 09:11 AM
MMario 28 Nov 07 - 09:00 AM
Rapparee 28 Nov 07 - 08:58 AM
Rapparee 27 Nov 07 - 10:39 PM
Little Hawk 27 Nov 07 - 10:31 PM
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 29 Nov 07 - 05:53 PM

While you two argue about who is from a point furthest west, my origins are not in dispute. I'm stuck in Texas for now, but I'm from the Puget Sound in the Pacific Northwest. There is no doubt it is west of Idaho and sticks out way further west than California.

Sheesh.

MOM wants both of you to go split some more firewood and stack it. Neatly this time, none of that chunking it any ol' which way. A cord at least, please. Each.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 29 Nov 07 - 05:12 PM

I think we should look way, way, way back and memorialize our roots, and our conquests, and our fuckups. Here is an example:

"From: khandu - PM
Date: 18 May 03 - 09:56 PM

As I have said, the MOTHER OF ALL BS THREADS(MOAB) is dying. She may hang on a few more days but she grows weaker with each passing day. She has been a delight and shall be forever honored.

And with the end of MOAB will come the end of the Glorious and Triumphant Reign of khandu, The King of All Mississippi. I have accomplished the tasks for which I came...to make Mississippi and the world a better place and to bring them to the Land of MOAB!

My throne shall not be filled by another...for indeed, who could fill it??? Instead, it shall become a Memorial to remind the future generations of the Glories One Man Can Do (khandu!)! It shall be a symbol of "HOPE" for the despondent, a symbol of "CAN-DO" for the nay-sayers, and more importantly, as symbol of BS for the pious.

Thank you all for the wonderfully massive amount of BS! We shall whiff it forever!

A Sad but Wiser khandu


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Subject: RE: BS: Happy Birthday Spaw!!!
From: Tweed - PM
Date: 18 May 03 - 10:09 PM

You are hopelessly nutz, khandoo. As long as thar is BS at Mudcat, MOAB will survive.

Three more weeks Spaw? Mebbe we should send a box ob leftover BlowUp Wimmen for you to cavort wif. I hear thar feetures are molded from that crack whore Penelope Rutabaga obv Twitly.

Come to Mississippi and we'll git you a cake or a sack obv deepfried Twinkies which ar all the rage these days. "


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 29 Nov 07 - 04:26 PM

Wow! Great links, Rapaire!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 29 Nov 07 - 03:42 PM

Ah, them Cossacks, a beauteous sight, and those Mongols were a terror. I withdraw my case, but I will resubmit it with appropriate chronological parameters and impeccable revisions, next week. Until then, thanks for your punctilious adherence to Truth and Justice, Mister Kent...



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 29 Nov 07 - 03:35 PM

There's these guys. And some Mountain Men as well. And talk about hurrahing and shooting up towns! Don't forget the reason for the Tanabata festival in Japan, either. And as for riding....


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 29 Nov 07 - 03:09 PM

Ah, Rapaire, the out-of-plumbness you assert is purely in the eyes of the beholder. Or the ears, or perhaps even some other part of the nervous system necessary to thought.

I suggest you get an eye exam, turn your hearing aid up and get it balanced, and shift to boxer shorts instead of those tighty-whiteys.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 29 Nov 07 - 02:51 PM

Context is everything, dear friend.

You will find upthread a pissing match couched in purely "American West" terms, involving the fulgent and intransigent Rapaire, whose obsession with barrels, powders, triggers, and various sorts of toxic emissions is well known. Why, his very bedsheets have .44 caliber holes burned in them. In this context, "West" means the American West, roughly defined as everything west of the sleepy little town of Idaho. Not purely geographic West.

You will also find, I think, that of all those tribes geographically more West than California, few participate in the icons and emotional values, the testosteronic nobility and grandeur, that characterizes the mythology of the American West, the context in wehich this dialogue properly belongs. How often have you heard of, or seen dramatic images of, a Malaysian, Singaporean, Polynesian, Japanese, Hindu, or Muslim, Slav, Magyar, or Roman, mounting a stallion, twirling a rope and firing a six-gun in the untrammeled joie de vivre that is the hallmark of the brave men of the American West? Not bloody often, I warrant.

I rest my case.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 29 Nov 07 - 02:47 PM

California south of San Jose is not considered part of The West. It is a Place Unto Itself, existing in another dimension, one completely separate from the space-time-gravitational reality nexus in which everyone else exists.

Hence, Amos is not "west" of anyone. Nor is he east, south or north of anyone. He exists in a place that is inadequately described as being "a couple of degrees off plumb."


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,beardedbruce
Date: 29 Nov 07 - 02:33 PM

"So I am plainly and irrefutably more of a Westerner than is he. Quod Erat Demonstrarum, amigo."

Only, Amos, if you are willing to comcede that the vsat majority of the world, ie Asia, Australia, and most of Europe and Africa are further west than YOU are.

They are so far west they are east! But your logic says that they are wester than you.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 29 Nov 07 - 11:51 AM

Well, you can't expect them to endanger the granola imports, can you? Just like Bush and oil. Some things are sacred. Or at least, very very profitable.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 29 Nov 07 - 11:35 AM

a fly on the wall you are not, LH.

Amos - No faire! Everyone knows the Lunatics will rule in your favour; after all they feel they have a lot in common with Californiaions.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 29 Nov 07 - 11:20 AM

It's wonderful to be as a fly on the wall here and watch these mighty minds and splendid egos tilt and strive gloriously against one another on the field of the intellectual fray...first one, then another, battling its way to the dizzying heights of triumph as its foe struggles desperately, caught in the vicelike grip of irrefutable logic...and then (!), of a sudden, the foe rebounds with a stunning riposte, toppling the former victor from his lofty throne...and lo, the combat resumes!!!

Whew! Positively takes my breath away.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 29 Nov 07 - 11:17 AM

Ah, I see your clever, maniacal, fraudulent, imaginary, delusory, disingenuous point, sir. Well put.

But any observer from a disinterested place, such as the Moon, will see plainly that measuring from the Zeroth meridian, one goes further West to reach California than one does to reach Eastern city, such as Idaho, isn't it? So I am plainly and irrefutably more of a Westerner than is he. Quod Erat Demonstrarum, amigo. I would like to thank the moon people for their help in winning this argument.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 29 Nov 07 - 10:36 AM

crossing the Zeroth not withstanding - one would still be traveling west to reach rapaire from you - and as said before, nearly 360 degrees west of you. But you are only a few degrees west of Rapaire - therefore he is more west.

it's like the election in the Emerald City of Oz.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 29 Nov 07 - 10:22 AM

If you did that, sirrah, you would cross the 0th parallel and end up as East as could be. Only if his thinking were completely backwards would he try to reach me by traveling East... not to rule anything out, of course ... It hazard your many time-warp trips have strained your orientation. Or you have left your head, inverted, somewhere dark in your travels. That might account for it...


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 29 Nov 07 - 10:07 AM

That would be Rapaire - since you would have to go almost 360 degrees west from you to reach him.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 29 Nov 07 - 09:56 AM

All hot air. A simple question will reveal the truth: which of us, honestly now, is more West, you or me?


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 29 Nov 07 - 09:52 AM

Mah shootin' iron is bigger'n your'n, Californio.

An' ah kin shoot straighter, too, cuz I'm a straight-shootin' Legionaire who sticks to The Code Of The West like Gene Autry and Roy Rogers and Tom Mix and Hopalong Cassidy taught us to.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 29 Nov 07 - 02:44 AM

Well, he does ge extremely antimonious when he acts up, but it was Babbitt I meant, not babbit.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Janie
Date: 29 Nov 07 - 12:49 AM

We interrupt this program for some real BS.

About 4 weeks ago I was the hittee in an extremely minor hit-and-run accident. I wouldn't have stood in the rain for 90 minutes waiting for the cops to come if I hadn't been so pissed off.    But i did, so a police report was filed. It is just one more scrape on my old, beat-up car, so I'm not even going to file an insurance claim.

However, it apparently has made it to the public record now. Over the past two days my mailbox has been inundated with 17 solicitations from law firms to file personal injury suits.

Only one offer from a chiropractor, though.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 28 Nov 07 - 11:57 PM

"provincial babbit?" Babbitt: a metal alloy of tin, copper, and antimony. "Provincial?"

Surely you're not referring to my old pal George F. Babbitt?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 28 Nov 07 - 11:56 PM

My shootin' iron, Pilgrim.

Sheesh.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 28 Nov 07 - 10:56 PM

Is this your 3 iron or your 7 iron?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 28 Nov 07 - 10:49 PM

My iron, sir, is in fine nettle and does what I wish. Thank you. Yes, fine fettle, for an iron of its graceful years, burnished with the fine usage of Time, but my hand and eye are as quick as ever.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 28 Nov 07 - 08:42 PM

Yeah, well, you know how it goes. One day you're Mr. Big and the next day.... Reminds me of The Sarge over at the Legion Hovel. Never had any other name anyone knew, just The Sarge. Stood about six-eight in his stocking feet and used to make a living bending two-inch rebar with his bare hands for construction companies. Well, one day he'd drunk a couple of kegs and decided to do a little target practice at the Legion's Shooting Range.

So he pulled out his shootin' iron, which in this case was a sawed-off 105mm howitzer mounted on a Smith and Wesson pistol frame. And he fired off the first round and it kicked itself right out of his hand! This had never happened to The Sarge before and he figgered he was losing his touch. Tore him up inside real bad. He put up his shootin' iron and never touched it again. Said that a man who couldn't handle his firearms didn't have much left to live for. He drank another couple of kegs and joined the local monastery, the Abbey of Saints Dismas and Mary Magdalene and devoted the rest of his life to Good Works and self-flagellation, in that order. After a couple of years he'd shrunk down to four-foot three inches and had a hard time ripped the toilet paper off the roll.

So it just goes to show.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 28 Nov 07 - 08:00 PM

Oh, gawdammit!! Now my secret is out on this thread. I'll have to change my gawdamn name or sompn. You have no idea WHO reads this thread. CIA, FBI, Legionairres, Spaw's possum and the flatulent Rick brothers... it's just too risky.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 28 Nov 07 - 07:57 PM

What are you trying to do, LH? Get me killed or worse? Amos is, like, BIG Amos. He RUNS everything from the Mexican Border north all the way to somewhere around, oh, Fresno. He could put out a contract to have me whacked and I'd be dead or something within a few years or more.

Man, you don't mess with Big Amos!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 28 Nov 07 - 03:44 PM

I like "provincial babbit" the best! LOL!

Are you going to stand for that, Rapaire? Do what Shane would do in such a situation. Defend your honor against this slight, even though it cost you your life and all that you hold dear!!!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 28 Nov 07 - 03:27 PM

Rapaire:

Within the spectrum of mainstream American English intonations, they can easily be found to rhyme. Thus, you are a provincial babbit, or a curmudgeonly grinch, or perhaps merely an over-extended arlet-vay, for saying such things.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 28 Nov 07 - 03:23 PM

baulk and hock surely rhyme in someone's accent, don't they? Or maybe not!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 28 Nov 07 - 03:10 PM

"Hawk" and "balk" rhyme?? Who do you think you are, George Gordon? If you have been cohabitating with muse and you have had couplets I think that they have a genetic defect.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 28 Nov 07 - 02:57 PM

That of courese should read "Twenty, seven, eighty-five".

Solly.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 28 Nov 07 - 02:56 PM

Let us be glad to be alive,
With 20, eight and seventy five.

At such joy we should not balk,
Unless deterred by Little Hawk!

;>)


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 28 Nov 07 - 01:11 PM

Well, as Steven Colbert said to Willie Nelson, "I accept your apology!".

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 28 Nov 07 - 12:29 PM

Sorry about that, old chap. It was inadvertent, I assure you.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 28 Nov 07 - 12:19 PM

Blast you, little Hawk!! Ruined a perfectly good number!



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 28 Nov 07 - 12:19 PM

Now to something TRULY weighty!
20, seven hundred eighty!

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 28 Nov 07 - 12:18 PM

Speaking of which, has anyone else seen "Ratatouille"? It's a simply wonderful movie! I would not have thought such a charming movie could be made about a rat. I would give it 10 out of 10 stars. It is the rare thing, a perfect movie...about the rare thing, a perfect chef.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 28 Nov 07 - 12:17 PM

Not so, the gourmand usually cares more for the quantity then the quality.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 28 Nov 07 - 12:16 PM

Well worth it for the true gourmand, I should think.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 28 Nov 07 - 11:52 AM

No question. But it would raise the cost of productionto something like $3500 per serving.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 28 Nov 07 - 11:51 AM

Hen's teeth will improve ANYTHING. I once made a family speciality, creamed tuna on mashed potatoes and that was when I learned to drain the oil off the tuna before using it for anything. But I sprinkled some hen's teeth on it and it tasted like a wonderful chateaubriand with bernaise sauce.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 28 Nov 07 - 10:52 AM

Would hen's teeth improve the turkey soup I'm planning to make for dinner this evening? Throw a few in with the egg noodles?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 28 Nov 07 - 10:17 AM

Exactly, LH! That's why the greatest food critics rate dishes by HTU (Hen's Teeth Units).

McDonald Burgers rate at something like 125.6 NEGATIVE HTU.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 28 Nov 07 - 10:13 AM

One hen's tooth more or less is the difference between a gastronomic masterpiece and an unremarkable meal.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 28 Nov 07 - 09:11 AM

Yes, and there's a lot of it too. Just look on the bottom shelf of the fridge, way in the back. It was pretty good, except for the hen's teeth in it which gave it a sort of gritty texture. And between you and me I think she put in too much strawberry jelly.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 28 Nov 07 - 09:00 AM

MOM has leftover turnip-bone marrow casserole? Do you know how expensive turnip bones are? they are as rare as hen's teeth! Someone better eat it before it gets wasted.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 28 Nov 07 - 08:58 AM

Ah, well, sorry Mom. I'm afraid that I imbibed a little of that "special" egg nog of yours. The stuff you keep in the 'fridge behind the leftover turnip-bone marrow casserole. Got a little giddy from it, I guess. It was a big day yesterday, what with three meetings and dropping off the form for the colonoscopy and getting a award and all. I really didn't mean drink some of your egg nog. I mean, there it was, sitting there at the very back of the shelf behind the casserole and the eggplant fritters and the marinated squid tentacles and those "potatoes" Amos dug up in the cemetery back in early March, and I just thought it was regular milk I could have with my cookies before I went to bed, you know? Anyway, I slept well.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 27 Nov 07 - 10:39 PM

And sixty-nine
It feels so fine.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 27 Nov 07 - 10:31 PM

Fools rush in where angels doubt,
To match the foe with hasty clout,
No need then to hesitate,
Two-oh-seven, six and eight!


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