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BS: The Mother of all BS threads

Little Hawk 20 Sep 07 - 12:05 AM
Amos 19 Sep 07 - 11:20 PM
Little Hawk 19 Sep 07 - 08:58 PM
Rapparee 19 Sep 07 - 08:53 PM
Amos 19 Sep 07 - 08:12 PM
Amos 19 Sep 07 - 06:15 PM
Little Hawk 19 Sep 07 - 04:49 PM
Amos 19 Sep 07 - 04:02 PM
MMario 19 Sep 07 - 03:57 PM
Acme 19 Sep 07 - 03:51 PM
Amos 19 Sep 07 - 03:13 PM
Rapparee 19 Sep 07 - 03:04 PM
Little Hawk 19 Sep 07 - 03:03 PM
Rapparee 19 Sep 07 - 03:00 PM
Little Hawk 19 Sep 07 - 02:41 PM
Rapparee 19 Sep 07 - 02:36 PM
Little Hawk 19 Sep 07 - 01:04 PM
GUEST,Chongo Chimp 19 Sep 07 - 01:02 PM
Little Hawk 19 Sep 07 - 12:52 PM
Little Hawk 19 Sep 07 - 12:39 PM
Acme 19 Sep 07 - 11:16 AM
Amos 19 Sep 07 - 10:03 AM
Rapparee 19 Sep 07 - 09:41 AM
Amos 19 Sep 07 - 09:29 AM
Rapparee 19 Sep 07 - 09:18 AM
Little Hawk 19 Sep 07 - 12:20 AM
Acme 18 Sep 07 - 11:47 PM
Amos 18 Sep 07 - 11:13 PM
Amos 18 Sep 07 - 11:13 PM
beardedbruce 18 Sep 07 - 10:50 PM
Amos 18 Sep 07 - 10:31 PM
Rapparee 18 Sep 07 - 09:57 PM
Little Hawk 18 Sep 07 - 09:44 PM
Acme 18 Sep 07 - 09:40 PM
Little Hawk 18 Sep 07 - 08:41 PM
Rapparee 18 Sep 07 - 08:22 PM
Amos 18 Sep 07 - 06:35 PM
Acme 18 Sep 07 - 06:14 PM
Little Hawk 18 Sep 07 - 05:57 PM
Rapparee 18 Sep 07 - 05:51 PM
Little Hawk 18 Sep 07 - 05:44 PM
Rapparee 18 Sep 07 - 05:36 PM
Little Hawk 18 Sep 07 - 05:33 PM
Amos 18 Sep 07 - 04:20 PM
MMario 18 Sep 07 - 03:42 PM
Rapparee 18 Sep 07 - 03:40 PM
Little Hawk 18 Sep 07 - 03:23 PM
Amos 18 Sep 07 - 03:18 PM
Little Hawk 18 Sep 07 - 02:49 PM
Acme 18 Sep 07 - 01:40 PM
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 20 Sep 07 - 12:05 AM

Yes, well, I've had that experience too when writing. The good stuff, when it comes, tends to come pretty quickly just like you say...a burst of neurons.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 19 Sep 07 - 11:20 PM

Hackles down, then, good Hawk. As I say, when the burst of neurons fire, it takes little time to write their out put down and trim it up.

Rapaire, the difference is that you take someone's work whole cloth, and swap out a few nouns for relevance. I mostly hammer out every line from one end to the other, albeit quickly.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 19 Sep 07 - 08:58 PM

My opinion of that ballad is just as good as yours, Amos. I was not intending any supercilious suggestion like that...I just genuinely wonder sometimes how you find the time to do the stuff you do on this thread and a couple of others.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 19 Sep 07 - 08:53 PM

Yeah, but when I write one I'm called a plagarist and a literary pirate.

Humph.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 19 Sep 07 - 08:12 PM

Ya know LH, that there is a rollicking good little ballad, as good as ever was writ in Ma's house, I;'ll have you know. If all you can come up with is a supercilious remark about wasting time, ya know, you can go take Chongo and Chinga off in the corner and take beaver lessons from them. I happen to LIKE my little sailor's ballad, and I think it captures a faint wisp of the velleities that make Ma what she is.   So there.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 19 Sep 07 - 06:15 PM

Given their general scarcity, LH, I'll take that as a compliment from you. It does not take as long as anyone seems to think it should.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 19 Sep 07 - 04:49 PM

For heaven's sake, Amos, where do you find the time?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 19 Sep 07 - 04:02 PM

Howdy, boys and girls of Radio Land!! Welcome back to Mush-forBRains' Story Hour!! We've got a great ballad lined up for you, just after this message from Cream of Wheat, our facorite sponsor and your favorite breakfast!!!...

We were hitting spray and raising hell
Clipping hard at eleven knots
And the air grew thick, and the crew too sick
To be sure what was right, er not.
The bow was ducking into the green,
And the steering getting harder
And the cookie swore we should feed ourselves,
While he slept it off in the larder, lads,
The cook slept hard in the larder.

Then through the spray, as the nose came up,
Like a searchlight sent from Heaven,
I say the loom of a distant flash --
The light of Nineteen Seven!
We begged ole Maw to trim her more,
And cut back on her sail,
But Ma swore blue, "Before I do,
You can feed me to a whale, me boys!
Just feed me to a whale!!"

Well, we knew she didn't mean that part,
So we held on tight to wait,
The good craft heeled to larboard hard,
And the wind rose to Force Eight.
There was water green along the decks,
It froze our hearts in fright,
And the storm was only getting worse,
As we headed into night, dear Gawd,
A stormy, pitch black night.

There warn't a soul could sleep that night,
As our bunks they slammed and rose,
There was vomit in the bilges aft,
And salt all through our clothes.
As we heaved and creaked beneath the gale,
Each heart quaked in its sway,
And one or two started up a song,
And several knelt to pray, goddamn.
SOme of us knelt to pray.

Maw stood sublime, while the water ran
Down from her pink so'wester,
And the ocean tried to throw her off,
But nary a wave could best her.
She held that watch 12 hours straight,
Until the wind was gone,
And we saw the coast of Nineteen Eight
A-looming up through the dawn, boys.
It twinkled in the dawn.

We begged ole Maw to put about,
And find a steady berth.
She cussed and let out such a shout,
We swore she'd split the earth.
"Avast you coward brats!!", she yelled,
"Why yearn you so for land?"
"This voyage ain't half over yet!
We're bound for Twenty Grand!!!"
She was set on Twenty Grand.

She yelled us down, and her beady eye,
Forbade each man deny her.
Her breath was strong as a williwaw,
And her eyes were full of fire.
So we shambled back to the focs'le head
And turned our posts to stand.
We had no choice, for Maw's own voice
Had sworn us to Twenty Grand, me lads,
We were bound for Twenty Grand.

Now I like to think we'll get there yet,
And the day will some day come,
When we can cross the harbor bar
Beneath a warming sun.
But until we do, we're doomed to sail,
Until we fade away,
For the word of Maw has laid down law,
And we're bound for twenty K, my boys
We are bound for twenty K.

We may encounter storms again,
Or days before the Trades,
We may run out of salt hard tack,
ANd maybe we won't get laid.
But these are trifles, nothing yet
To make our courage fail.
For I never ever will forget,
The night Maw faced the gale, my lads,
The night Maw faced that gale.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 19 Sep 07 - 03:57 PM

_ _ _ _ the army.

The Legion probably prefers FTEW


which is **** the enemy's wives.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 19 Sep 07 - 03:51 PM

I was not a military participant or aficionado. I don't know that acronym. What is it?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 19 Sep 07 - 03:13 PM

The acronym wouldn't have worked for the Romans. They would have said it in their own special way, but I am sure they would have siad it.

"Fornicate militis!" or some such.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 19 Sep 07 - 03:04 PM

The XXII Legion never used "FTA" as a motto. Neither did any other Legion. They may have thought it, though.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 19 Sep 07 - 03:03 PM

Yeah, you're right...the Romans were way ahead of you on that.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 19 Sep 07 - 03:00 PM

It wasn't the US that came up with "Dulce et decorum est pro patria mori." And we didn't apply it to our young folks, either. The motto of our armed forces was more along the lines of "Hide behind the trees and shoot the Redcoats." Until Vietnam. Then it became "FTA."


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 19 Sep 07 - 02:41 PM

It's you yanks who are seemingly obsessed with the concept of "dying for your country", Rapaire. Why would I try to compete with a standard like that? ;-)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 19 Sep 07 - 02:36 PM

Well, I will attempt to correct your lack of patriotism, your unwillingness to die for your country, LH.

CANADA MY OWN LAND

The sun it comes up on the green fields of Newfoundland
On Vancouver Island, he sheds his last ray
The great Arctic Circle reflects back his glory
The wheat-laden plains grow more golden each day

Chorus:
This is my own land so fertile and beautiful
Majestic her mountains, her rivers run free
Priviledged the children, who call her their homeland
Canada, my own land for ever you'll be

Proud are the people who travel your highways
The farmer, the teacher, the factory hand
The merchant, the miner, the doctor, the fisherman
Proud to belong to this beautiful land

Chorus

Famed is your power and famed is your gentleness
Your bounty is endless from sea to shining sea
Your arms ever open to help those less fortunate
A bright light of freedom to those who would be free

Chorus

                      - Words and music by Tommy Makem
                        Copyright 1982


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 19 Sep 07 - 01:04 PM

Your timing seems a little off there, ol' pal...


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Chongo Chimp
Date: 19 Sep 07 - 01:02 PM

KREE-GAH!!!

19,800.

- Chongo


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 19 Sep 07 - 12:52 PM

By the way, here's a rewrite I did of "O Canada", back in the latter days of the Mulroney era:

O Canada!
Our home and native soil
Regional hate
Is rising to the boil
The French are outlawing English now
And the english hate Quebec
The politicians and citizens
Have lost all measure of respect (TUM...TUM...TUM) (that's the descending base line)
O Canada! (TUM...TUM...TUM)
Land of the Meech! (TUM...TUM...TUM)
God grant that we may live through one more speech
God grant that we may live beyond the Meech!

(And we did....)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 19 Sep 07 - 12:39 PM

LOL! You guys are really hitting some heights of inspiration here. Awright!

To be "the Benedict Arnold of Canada"....wow, eh? That would be quite an accomplishment. Canada has no such figure at this time. I love the image of me living out my final days in shame, exiled to Schenectaday, and surrounded by wiener dogs.

Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Omigod!

I am already surrounded by wiener dogs, but fortunately...not in Schenectady.

It's true, actually, that I have read relatively few Canadian authors. I have also sung relatively few songs that have anything whatsoever to do with Canada (unlike most of my fellow Canadian folkies, who make sure to absolutely pepper their performances with songs carrying Canadian themes and references). It sort of annoys me when people do that (I think it's a bit contrived)...although I don't mind when Buffy Sainte-Marie sings about Native American stuff a lot...but that's because for me Buffy can do no wrong. I'd do her yardwork for free.

And yet....I am quietly proud and patriotic about Canada....in an unobtrusive way, you understand. ;-)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 19 Sep 07 - 11:16 AM

Rap has a good map of Canada, I see.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 19 Sep 07 - 10:03 AM

Decades from now on the annual school-holiday known only as "Hawk's Day", tots will learn early to stumble up to strangers on the street begging for "Pennies for the Hawk, Mister?" They will not know how it all came about, or what a tragic history they are invoking with their childish phrases.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 19 Sep 07 - 09:41 AM

Held up in the future as The Failed Canadian, an example to every schoolchild fron Newfoundland to Vancouver Island and from St. Jean Port Joli to Kitikmeot. Reviled from Beaver Creek to the Bonavista Peninsula, his own mother and family cutting his name from the Family Bible and burning his birth records, his memory will serve Canada as that of Guy Fawkes serves England or Benedict Arnold the United States.

Oh, the shame of it!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 19 Sep 07 - 09:29 AM

And years from now, the only memory will be a small booklet, "The Beaver Who Wouldn't Be", popular amongs members of a rarified select set of deep-undercover RMCP agents living secret lives as New York and Chicago taxi-dancers. Oh, tempora, oh mores! That such a fate should befall the Author of Chongo, the Templar of Shatnik, the Voice of Blind River!! Woe betide us all.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 19 Sep 07 - 09:18 AM

What a shame, what an awful shame. That such a man as Little Hawk would so disgrace the great country of Canada that he snuggles up with a Budweiser, a Milky Way bar, a McDonald's hamburger; wears LL Bean boots instead of Sorels; hunts with a Ruger instead of a Ross rifle; and doesn't know the difference between Tim Horton's and an oosik bone. Oh, how the mighty have fallen! Next he will be spelling words like "favour" without the "u"! William Shatner, Anne Murray, and McKenzie King will turn on him (the last will haunt him); Sam Steele will shame him; and when he next tries to sing "O Canada" he will choke on his own tears, repentant for now being neither Canadian nor American, neither fish nor fowl. And then, knowing that only one thing can clear his good name, he will move and live amidst the slag heaps of Sudbury, breath the asbestos from the open-pit mines at Thetford and in a final burst of repentance he will eat an entire Canadian yellowcake (with chocolate frosting) because firearms regulations prevent the "empty revolver and one bullet" method. Or he will live out the rest of his life of shame in Schenectday, surrounded by German weiner dogs.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 19 Sep 07 - 12:20 AM

Stilly, I don't care about hockey! Really, I don't. I just like interjecting Don Cherry into conversations, because the man is simply bizarre. It's a little like the Shatner thing, but different. If you saw Don Cherry doing one of his monologues, you would understand. ;-)

Now Rapaire, to answer your questions...

No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. And lastly, no.

And I don't know the difference between jumpsies and touton either.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 18 Sep 07 - 11:47 PM

All of this typing hasn't helped your keyboarding skills. NINETEEN THOUAD. Good thing we've been through this exercise a few hundred times so we knew what you were talking about.

Hawk, who cares about hockey? Read something good for you, like this one suggested in an email to me this evening, by Richard Louv, Last Child in the Woods: Saving our Children from Nature-Deficit Disorder. Don't know where he's from, but it sounds good.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 18 Sep 07 - 11:13 PM

Now NINETEEN THOUAD, SEVEN HUNDRED STRONG
The thread becomes incredibly long...


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 18 Sep 07 - 11:13 PM

Well...I think Rapaire would say there is no such thing as a little librarian.

All librarians are as big as the sky, as big as all knowledge, as big as the New York Central Library, as big as God Almighty!. That's why the two sometimes get confused. At least, in their own minds...



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: beardedbruce
Date: 18 Sep 07 - 10:50 PM

If that was the case, where would little librarians come from?



Just asking...


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 18 Sep 07 - 10:31 PM

And the moral of that, I am sure, is Never fuck with a librarian.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 18 Sep 07 - 09:57 PM

Have you read Ian and/or Will Ferguson? How about Beatrice Collignon? Geordie Telfer? Brian Brennan? Katherine Barber? Wayne F. Brown? Nora Hickson Kelly? William Kelly? Laura Berton? Catherine Neering? Doug Urqhart?

This American has read the books of all these Canadians and more. I know the difference between jumpsies and touton, and I've eaten taffy and even made tourtiere from scratch. And I have a bottle of screech upstairs in the cabinet.

Hah!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 18 Sep 07 - 09:44 PM

No. Heh! As in the Don Cherry book:

Grapes


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 18 Sep 07 - 09:40 PM

As in "peel me a grape, Beulah" grapes, or Grapes of Wrath grapes?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 18 Sep 07 - 08:41 PM

How could you???? And so what if I am? Canadians read Heinlein. We are very well read.

Most Americans, however, have not read "Grapes".


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 18 Sep 07 - 08:22 PM

I'm sorry, LH. I forgot you were Canadian.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 18 Sep 07 - 06:35 PM

Why not just take Little Hawk instead? Since he already plays the guitar, your return on time spent will be much more satisfactory, and he can lend you his imaginary playmate while he's in his lesson. I'm sure he'd be willing to pay for fuel.



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 18 Sep 07 - 06:14 PM

I have to go take my son to his guitar lesson now. Don't litter the house with all of those books you're throwing at each other. Mom doesn't want to trip over them in the dark.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 18 Sep 07 - 05:57 PM

Oh, I see. Well, I've read some of Heinlein, but not that one.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 18 Sep 07 - 05:51 PM

If you're talking about the same thing I am, the final chapter in Heinlein's "Number of the Beast," yes.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 18 Sep 07 - 05:44 PM

Are we on the same street here?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 18 Sep 07 - 05:36 PM

Yes. With the Rainbow Bridge and Isaac and everyone.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 18 Sep 07 - 05:33 PM

Hmmm? Dang it, Amos. I'm sure that was extremely witty, but I don't get it.

Please explain, would you?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 18 Sep 07 - 04:20 PM

Little Hawk!! Cellar!!!



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 18 Sep 07 - 03:42 PM

YOu mean where the Budwieser Clydesdales get tp joust?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 18 Sep 07 - 03:40 PM

Amos...please re-read the last chapter to Heinlein's The Number Of The Beast.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 18 Sep 07 - 03:23 PM

Who's talkin' "imaginary" here?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 18 Sep 07 - 03:18 PM

I am sure that if Stilly ever had to resort to an imaginary playmate, she would not elect to create a flea-bitten chimp.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 18 Sep 07 - 02:49 PM

Aha! The voice of experience speaking, Stilly? ;-)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 18 Sep 07 - 01:40 PM

"Couchiching" is what happens when you let a flea-bit chimp sleep on the sofa night after night.


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