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BS: The Mother of all BS threads

Rapparee 24 May 07 - 10:50 PM
Amos 24 May 07 - 06:24 PM
Rapparee 24 May 07 - 04:42 PM
Acme 24 May 07 - 03:53 PM
Amos 24 May 07 - 03:21 PM
Rapparee 24 May 07 - 01:34 PM
Acme 24 May 07 - 12:44 PM
Amos 24 May 07 - 10:05 AM
Rapparee 24 May 07 - 09:15 AM
Rapparee 23 May 07 - 10:57 PM
Acme 23 May 07 - 10:56 PM
Rapparee 23 May 07 - 10:35 PM
Amos 23 May 07 - 08:53 PM
Acme 23 May 07 - 07:56 PM
Amos 23 May 07 - 06:11 PM
Rapparee 23 May 07 - 04:52 PM
Amos 23 May 07 - 04:42 PM
Rapparee 23 May 07 - 11:09 AM
Amos 23 May 07 - 09:59 AM
John Hardly 23 May 07 - 09:51 AM
Rapparee 23 May 07 - 09:06 AM
GUEST,Stilly River Sage, still at the hospital 22 May 07 - 02:34 PM
Amos 22 May 07 - 01:16 PM
MMario 22 May 07 - 01:11 PM
Rapparee 22 May 07 - 12:59 PM
Amos 22 May 07 - 10:53 AM
Rapparee 22 May 07 - 09:50 AM
MMario 22 May 07 - 09:41 AM
GUEST,Stilly River Sage sans cookie 22 May 07 - 09:34 AM
Rapparee 21 May 07 - 11:52 PM
Amos 21 May 07 - 10:51 PM
Rapparee 21 May 07 - 12:05 PM
Amos 21 May 07 - 10:38 AM
Rapparee 20 May 07 - 09:11 PM
Acme 20 May 07 - 07:25 PM
Rapparee 20 May 07 - 06:26 PM
Amos 20 May 07 - 06:15 PM
Acme 20 May 07 - 05:57 PM
Rapparee 20 May 07 - 05:48 PM
Acme 20 May 07 - 04:43 PM
Acme 19 May 07 - 11:22 PM
Rapparee 19 May 07 - 10:44 PM
Acme 19 May 07 - 09:57 PM
Rapparee 19 May 07 - 03:10 PM
GUEST,freds 19 May 07 - 11:29 AM
Rapparee 19 May 07 - 10:51 AM
Acme 19 May 07 - 01:08 AM
Rapparee 18 May 07 - 10:35 PM
Acme 18 May 07 - 05:34 PM
Rapparee 18 May 07 - 04:59 PM
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 24 May 07 - 10:50 PM

Sir, the Idaho Legion is a bunch of dyed-in-the-wool, deeply committed, pacifists except when they aren't. They believe that it is better to, in the immortal words of Monty Python, "Run away! Run away!" But when they must they will stand and fight like lions and lionesses, albeit either very young or very old ones. The Battle Flag of The Legion is replete with battle honors: Stillman's Run, 1st and 2nd Manassas, Tucker's Hole, Fetterman's Fight, Greasy Grass, and many, many more.

Gracious, a bullet-riddled ambulance! Why, the entire idea smacks of Chicago! Or a video game! The Legion maintains its equipment, especially if it might help them off.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 24 May 07 - 06:24 PM

Nice ambulance, but why did they patch all the bullet holes? Makes it look too idealistic!


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 24 May 07 - 04:42 PM

Well, the SD contingent is on a flatcar, waiting on a siding at Rattlesnake, Idaho. They've even loaded up the ambulance just in case it's needed. The Texas bunch is still at round-up and the First Sergeant hopes to have a majority gathered by tomorrow, maybe.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 24 May 07 - 03:53 PM

In the name of altruism I must bow to the greater need of the nation and redirect the contingent headed this way to a point south of here. There is an man in Crawford, Texas, who needs his brain examined. Badly. The Idaho Legion are just the men to do it!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 24 May 07 - 03:21 PM

I am very grateful to the legion, but they should be advised that they will be stopped at the border if they are accompanied by any vehicle less fuel-efficient than a 2006 Prius, which rules out the large-methane-quotient animals such as horses, cows, buffalo, and elephants. However, they could take a leaf from King Arthur's men under the Boss' impeccable guidance, and ride into town on bicycles. Once they made it over the Cuyamacas and the deserts just east of them, it would be all down hill from there. So they'd be right at home.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 24 May 07 - 01:34 PM

I'm arranging a little surprise for both of you.

The medics from the Idaho Legion have volunteered to come and help you both out! In fact, the entire 31415th Medical Battalion (Proctologic) is even now saddling up to ride to your aid. Companies I, J, and P are heading for Texas and Companies R, W, and U are entraining for San Diego. These are or were highly trained and skilled medical personnel whose expertise in proctology represents a total of literally weeks of experience. The Battalion Commander, Colonel Dr. Isaac C. Butts, came to the Legion after years of successful practice in Sexsmith, Alberta and should receive a license to practice shortly.

They should be headin' out as soon as the liquor ration is loaded.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 24 May 07 - 12:44 PM

BBW is fortunate--Moonglow has come up with a case of hives. Has to stop her Rx meds until we figure out which is the culprit. Probably the penicillin, we're waiting on a call back from the doc this afternoon. She has already checked with me regarding what she can take in four hours since the narcotic is off the list for a while.

Yup--hard on households. I wouldn't trade places with either of them right now. I'm working at home to keep an eye on the kiddo.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 24 May 07 - 10:05 AM

Well, BBW slept under the enchantment of the original nerveblocker until about 0300 when she was rudely torn from sleep by pain. Then it was she discovered the real meaning of modern civilization in Vicodin.

She is very brave and the pain stays manageable as long as she doesn't experiment.

I guess I can go to work today...


She counts the minutes until her next pill is legal ( four hours) but won't let it pass her lips a minute early. Tough lass, her.

Good morning, Still!! Two households of pain and drugs. What a world, eh?


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 24 May 07 - 09:15 AM

Willy, with a taste for gore,
Nailed his sister to the floor.
Mother said, with humor quaint,
"Careful Will -- don't mar the paint."


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 23 May 07 - 10:57 PM

Oh, yeah man, hydrocodone, yeah.............................


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 23 May 07 - 10:56 PM

We have picked up odds and ends in the creek in the back yard. Several kitchen knives, pots and pans, chairs, a bench. . . I guess if someone leaves this stuff in the back yard when the adjacent creek rises, it will get washed downstream.

We're settling down for the night. I made a loaf of bread this evening and every mom knows that the brain generates lots of natural endorphins in the presence of hot sliced bread with melted butter. Moonglow is mellow (hydrocodone also helps).


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 23 May 07 - 10:35 PM

Down into the well
Which the plumber built her
Aunt Eliza fell.
We must buy a filter.


Nah, Amos, the club and shotgun-shell-grenade were found outside the building. The knife was found in the trash in the men's room; I'm glad that the lady who cleans wasn't cut.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 23 May 07 - 08:53 PM

Hello, Maggie!! How are you?? Is them kids okay? How about you?

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 23 May 07 - 07:56 PM

Little Willie, feeling swell,
Pushed his sister in the well.
Said Willie's mother, drawing water,
"It's mighty tough to raise a daughter."


My first-born is back home now. She had demands this afternoon that have not been met. I'm bushed, the house is a mess, the animals need attention and when he comes in from his dad's house my son needs attention. I need attention.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 23 May 07 - 06:11 PM

Ya know, sometimes you have to stop repeating your well-established habit patterns and ask yourself, "What is it about THIS Men's Room...". Think outside the hole, so to speak.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 23 May 07 - 04:52 PM

Well, the cops are on their way now. We found a steak knife with a 6" serrated blade in the Men's room.

Knives, bombs, clubs...all in the last 6 months or so.... Sigh.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 23 May 07 - 04:42 PM

Yepper. Starts Friday. Meanwhile she can squeeze a ball, and turn her wrist, but must not move elbow away from body. She'll be doing passive motion exercises once the pain wears off a bit. So far the pain has not started as the nerve blocker is in evidence, and she's feeling groggy of brain but generally quite bright and keeps on trying to do stuff, which I empathize with while trying to make sure she doesn't do anything with any force in it. Sheeshe.

One step at a time. The ligament, on inspection, was 95% shot, thin as a paper bag, and has now been cleaned up and nicely lid into a formed grove in the bone and spliced in with stout twine or something. They were very nice and gave us pictures, which BBW says is kind of like a mechanic handing you your old starter motor just to prove it needed replacing.


A

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 23 May 07 - 11:09 AM

Amos, that means ..........(ominous background music in a minor key............physical therapy!!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 23 May 07 - 09:59 AM

ALways sounded to me like the name of a mountaintop in Colorado, for some reason. Ort one of those distant lands where you take your love to live a new life, in far Aspartame.

Sweetener? Honey's perfect if you can still get it. :D

BBW went in for rotor cuff surgery this morning -- I await the call to return to the center and help round her up. Schedfuled to start in 32 minutes.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: John Hardly
Date: 23 May 07 - 09:51 AM

I think I'll stop using "Splenda" and go back to the more natural sweetner that God meant for us to use. Aspartame.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 23 May 07 - 09:06 AM

You know, if everybody in the country had a splenectomy, we'd finally get an ex-spleen-nation.

When they cut the holes, did she vent her spleen?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Stilly River Sage, still at the hospital
Date: 22 May 07 - 02:34 PM

Waiting on various folks to come by to see Moonglow. She says stop saying funny things, it hurts to laugh.

patéectomy --Good one, Amos!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 22 May 07 - 01:16 PM

I knew a young lady once who experimented with blowing the shofor, but her father fired the guy and made him turn in his uniform.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 22 May 07 - 01:11 PM

or they are the cringing lackeys of imperialistic warmongers.

(strictly based on your comments)

(ps - my apologies to Barkey)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 22 May 07 - 12:59 PM

Just look at the record, Amos:

-trumpets (shofors, actually, but an ancestor) tumbled the Walls of Jericho;

-trumpets have traditionally announced the entrance of potentates;

-trumpets have hurled men into battle against Evil;

-great announcements (and small ones, too) have been trumpeted throughout the land;

-and there is supposed to be The Last Trump.

No other instrument has these distinctions! Consider:

-God didn't tell Joshua, "March around the city, playing your accordions."

-Nobody ever said, "Hark! The harmonicas announce the entrance of the King!"

-"We will guitar the news throughout the land." Nope, doesn't work.

-And nobody ever refers to "The Last Banjo Pick."

Yessireebobtail! Trumpeters rule!!!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 22 May 07 - 10:53 AM

Right on, Rapaire -- well, at least i know ONE trumpeter who does.

Moonglow, congratulations on a successful patéectomy!!

Heal fast and return to the Great Race.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 22 May 07 - 09:50 AM

Hey, ain't nothing like GOOD sausage and biscuits. I don't think you're likely to find them in a hospital however.

You do know that doctors now keep a bit of whatever they remove and use it to clone the patient, don't you? One of these days you'll be walking down the street and see a whole regiment of your daughter's clones closing in on you, all of them shouting "Mom! She's touching me! Make her stop!" and "Can I have an ice cream pleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaaasssseeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee?" (I didn't say they'd be particularily mature clones.) You'll try to run, but it will be far, far too late....


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 22 May 07 - 09:41 AM

nawww - out in the boonies hospitals serve dry cereal for breakfast; grape nuts, or something like that, y'know the kind of cereal that needs to soak for a week before it's edible.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Stilly River Sage sans cookie
Date: 22 May 07 - 09:34 AM

From the hospital room: food service person just brought a breakfast of biscuit and sausage and gravy to Moonglow. Right after the nurse and I agreed that we thought southern breakfasts were something one encountered out in the boonies. Good thing her dad stopped by earlier with bagels and fruit.

The bebe is doing fine; it seems that it hurts when they remove a large spleen through a little hole (they disconnect the spleen from everything then they run a baggie in through one of the holes, into which the spleen is slipped and the bag closed. They then stick a finger through one of the laparoscopy holes to break up the now-discarded organ and slip the whole thing out one of the little holes. The doctor told us it is rather like trying to pick up a football with a pair of chopsticks.) This kid and her sense of humor--after the appointment when he described the procedure to us she suggested we bring some crackers for pate. Yup, she's a MOAB kind of kid!

Hope to take her home today.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 21 May 07 - 11:52 PM

I keep tellin' ya, Trumpeters RULE, dude.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 21 May 07 - 10:51 PM

Oh, sh e was fine, played every lick with perfect embouchure and clarity, and feeling. The Synpony Orchestra musical director is crazy about her. (BSEG).

It is a delight to see that ole protoplasm cutting the mustard through time, indeed it is.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 21 May 07 - 12:05 PM

Welcome back, Amos! Glad your trip was enjoyable. Here, have a glass of this nice Pinot Greg. And I'm happy you had a good time.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 21 May 07 - 10:38 AM

Good morning, Mom. I yam back. Rolled out of San Jose at 0600 and into the driveway in San Diego at 1345. Good time -- we got lucky in traffic. Barky was perfect. Lovely area, San Jose, and her evening concert was in Los Gatos, even lovelier. But pricey!!!

Glad to see you, too!


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 20 May 07 - 09:11 PM

My friend Steve had a cat named Sam. Sam would awaken Steve every morning by sitting on his chest and purring. One morning Steve wondered what would happen if he ignored Sam. So he did, watching Sam through barely open eyes. Finally, when licking didn't work, Sam pulled back his paw and, claws out, raked Steve across the face.

Steve got up in a hurry, and had a heckuva time explaining the scabs.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 20 May 07 - 07:25 PM

Note to self: Keep the cats OUT OF Moonglow's bedroom when she first comes home. To cuddle they walk up the body with those heavy little feet and ALWAYS step on tender spots.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 20 May 07 - 06:26 PM

Well then, you tell her she'd best get her sit-downer outa the hospital and back to normal right smart like! And the rest of her with it, too! She's got dogs ta play with, fergawdsakes!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 20 May 07 - 06:15 PM

Good luck, Still, and a fast recovery to the lass.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 20 May 07 - 05:57 PM

She's bigger than I am now, so if that had ever been a favored form of discipline, it wouldn't work any more. And you should see how tall her brother is!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 20 May 07 - 05:48 PM

Well, doggone, you tell that gal of your'n not to do this not more! And if she does you jist give her a good whack where she sits down!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 20 May 07 - 04:43 PM

I guess everyone went to the library to get the book. . .

Mom, Moonglow has her splenectomy tomorrow morning, so I may not be around for a couple of days. It will be laparoscopic and they expect to keep her only overnight. She should feel like a million bucks once her spleen isn't beating up on her sphere-shaped red blood cells any more.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 19 May 07 - 11:22 PM

An answer to that outrage around here in my wooded creek bottom would be to note that I'm working on creating a chapel in the wood, ala chapter six of The Red Badge of Courage. That'll confuse the heck out of 'em. If they skipped class that day and want to know what I mean then I can tell them to go read a good book. No, not THAT good book, another one. And when they get to the body in the woods they'll wonder what in heck I'm up to in my front yard. . .


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 19 May 07 - 10:44 PM

Hope I soaked the cheat grass so that tomorrow morn, when everybody else is goin' to church, I can weed it easily.

Yup, tomorrow morning, bright and early, I'm going to scandalize the neighbors.

And Mom, I don't care if I do!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 19 May 07 - 09:57 PM

Hey, Mom, it's a nice evening. Why don't you come out on the porch and have a tall glass of iced tea and some homemade bread just out of the oven. The smell of the bread will bring the boys running soon.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 19 May 07 - 03:10 PM

Dog -- the other other other white meat!
Cat -- the other other white meat!
Pork -- the other white meat!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,freds
Date: 19 May 07 - 11:29 AM

Malamute - what is this? Is it high in protein and is it tasty?

We have been pursuing the JohnInKansas, and we think he is hiding. We might try to lure him out with a thread about our computer - but we are not accustomed to such primitive forms of communication.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 19 May 07 - 10:51 AM

They might like a little snack of malamute. Just a bite, mind you, to whet their appetites.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 19 May 07 - 01:08 AM

I see your point.

I sent the freds off to Kansas looking for that miscreant John, and even recommended a marinade. I hope they don't head to Indiana--if they locate our potty MOAB member they might get a malamute bite for their trouble.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 18 May 07 - 10:35 PM

Better not get me started on decimals....


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 18 May 07 - 05:34 PM

Dewey do decimals or what?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 18 May 07 - 04:59 PM

1 + 1 = 2
2 + 2 = 3
3 + 3 = 4
2 + 3 = 3.5

etc.


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