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BS: The Mother of all BS threads

Bee-dubya-ell 16 Jul 15 - 11:57 AM
Rapparee 16 Jul 15 - 09:15 AM
Amos 16 Jul 15 - 05:11 AM
Amos 16 Jul 15 - 05:11 AM
Rapparee 15 Jul 15 - 10:30 PM
Acme 15 Jul 15 - 10:20 PM
Rapparee 15 Jul 15 - 09:24 PM
gnu 15 Jul 15 - 09:04 PM
gnu 15 Jul 15 - 07:41 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 15 Jul 15 - 04:53 PM
gnu 15 Jul 15 - 01:17 PM
Amos 15 Jul 15 - 11:43 AM
Rapparee 15 Jul 15 - 10:46 AM
Rapparee 14 Jul 15 - 10:15 PM
gnu 14 Jul 15 - 08:28 PM
Amos 14 Jul 15 - 12:38 PM
Rapparee 14 Jul 15 - 10:13 AM
Amos 14 Jul 15 - 09:38 AM
Rapparee 13 Jul 15 - 10:32 PM
Amos 13 Jul 15 - 08:31 PM
Rapparee 13 Jul 15 - 05:46 PM
Rapparee 13 Jul 15 - 05:36 PM
Rapparee 13 Jul 15 - 09:32 AM
Amos 13 Jul 15 - 12:24 AM
Rapparee 12 Jul 15 - 08:43 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 12 Jul 15 - 02:25 PM
gnu 12 Jul 15 - 01:17 PM
Amos 12 Jul 15 - 11:50 AM
Acme 12 Jul 15 - 01:19 AM
Amos 11 Jul 15 - 11:02 PM
gnu 11 Jul 15 - 10:28 PM
Rapparee 11 Jul 15 - 10:17 PM
gnu 11 Jul 15 - 01:10 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 11 Jul 15 - 12:39 PM
Ebbie 11 Jul 15 - 11:50 AM
Amos 11 Jul 15 - 10:35 AM
Amos 11 Jul 15 - 09:44 AM
Rapparee 11 Jul 15 - 09:31 AM
gnu 11 Jul 15 - 08:05 AM
Rapparee 10 Jul 15 - 10:46 PM
gnu 10 Jul 15 - 10:35 PM
gnu 10 Jul 15 - 08:30 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 10 Jul 15 - 01:59 PM
Rapparee 10 Jul 15 - 01:18 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 09 Jul 15 - 08:53 PM
Donuel 09 Jul 15 - 07:30 PM
gnu 09 Jul 15 - 07:02 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 09 Jul 15 - 12:29 PM
GUEST, ^*^ 09 Jul 15 - 10:29 AM
Donuel 09 Jul 15 - 10:15 AM
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 16 Jul 15 - 11:57 AM

And now, brought to you by the law firm of Dilly-dally, Shilly-shally, Lollygag, Drag-ass, and Fuck-around, it's time for another installment of The Mother Of All BS Threads' favorite virtual advice column,...

Ask Gluon!


Shirley in West Bumpersticker, Iowa asks,

Dear Gluon,

The scientists at the Large Hadron Collider seem pretty convinced that they've observed a pentaquark. What do you think about that?


Quark!

Translation:

Dear Shirley,

What do you care? Your name is Shirley and you live in Iowa. You have enough problems without straining your brain about things you can't understand. Ask me again when you change your name to something hip like Angelica and move to someplace cool like Eugene, Oregon.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 16 Jul 15 - 09:15 AM

Us uns in Idyho allas go armed. Them li'l leddies are tiny, but we kin take 'em out with jist oooooooooonnnnnne shot. A .454 Casull works good, but sometimes the feller 'bout a mile down the road raises a ruckus 'bout boollits a-flyin' through his walls. Then the sheriff comes and splains to him 'bout Idyho.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 16 Jul 15 - 05:11 AM

I can see it now, all right-"-mysterious double extinction in sprawling country home! Idaho couple found eaten up by light-emitting diodes!". Horrible, horrible,,


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 16 Jul 15 - 05:11 AM

I can see it now, all right-"-mysterious double extinction in sprawling country home! Idaho couple found eaten up by light-emitting diodes!". Horrible, horrible,,


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 15 Jul 15 - 10:30 PM

I can tie a bowline on a bight and a double bowline on a bight, a Prussik knot, a hangman's knot, my shoes, a square knot, a granny, a timber hitch, a clove hitch, a sheepshank, a lariat, a piggin' string, up my brothers, up traffic, and a lot of other things.

Did I mention that we have nearly all fixtures in LED now? My office is BRIGHT! I can read the titles of the books the cases! The electrician is waiting for more fluorescent-type LED tubes to come in. During the cold months we'll have some go-up-into-the-attic type wiring done. I may never have to change a light bulb again.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 15 Jul 15 - 10:20 PM

Sorry to have been away for so long - but I see the conversation has moved along without my help. And is Rap trying to teach Amos to tie a bowline on a bight? Avoid a sheepshank for tying up boats and you'll be fine.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 15 Jul 15 - 09:24 PM

Just went through old receipts and things going back 1983. Gee, does it surprise anyone that four recycle waste baskets went into the city recycle bin for Friday's pickup?

Yeah, Amos, ol' Stormalong's a legend up at the Legion Hovel. Something about a twin screw streetsweeper or something. Anyway, you're a Big Deal at Lil's place and if you ever come back, you owe her for the furniture, three ceiling mirrors, a floor reconstruction, and for 35 bottles of whiskey.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 15 Jul 15 - 09:04 PM

10C by 5AM! I am LOVIN IT!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 15 Jul 15 - 07:41 PM

A... I posted a Malwarebytes thread on yer FB page re their new malware protection for Macs. Dunno if it's of any use but there it is.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 15 Jul 15 - 04:53 PM

"Twin-screw minesweepers?" Bragging about one's sexual adventures is very unMOABic! If you want to screw twins on your minesweeper, it's your business, but we don't want to hear about it! This is not high school!


By the way, were they female twins, male twins, or one of each?


Hopefully, they were at least human.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 15 Jul 15 - 01:17 PM

Hahahahaaaa!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 15 Jul 15 - 11:43 AM

I've docked small boats and large boats, 150-foot steamers, twin-screw minesweepers, sailboats, and big ole 300+footers.   I have tied bowlines, square knots, bends, hitches and neckties.   I have made my share of errors, but I ain't never even considered taking boat-handling advice from a potato-farmer.

In a previous lifetime I spent doing seamanlike things, they called me Stormalong. I worked the Atlantic coast and when I retired, I decided to quit the sea. I put an oar over my shoulder and walked West. It wasn't until I got to Idaho that soemone asked me what the funny stick was I had on my shoulder.

I think the whole expedition was a mistake, though. I ended up being a potato farmer myself, that time around, and lived out my remaining years in a kind of dusty quietude, with only the occasional thunderstorm to remind me of my heady days on the rolling main.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 15 Jul 15 - 10:46 AM

I have brought in boats in many different ways, but never straight in and I have never yet fallen into the water while doing so. Nor have I fallen into the boat, onto the dock....


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 14 Jul 15 - 10:15 PM

Amos, last year I saw youngsters (about 12 years old) in a sailing school do a magnificent job of docking their boats. They did it correctly, bringing the boat alongside the dock and taking in the sail just in time -- all of the right stuff, even to having bumpers out.

Then the older, more experienced ones docked. Damned near straight in, and it was the ONLY time I've ever seen the old spread-leg dance from the dock to the boat done. More, that dance managed to capsize the craft and dunk the other guy as well as the dancer and it was done TWICE. These were, I found out later, the intermediate students who had been sailing for over a year. I did not see what the advanced students could do; I was laughing too hard.

The second capsize was done with the sail up.

It's a very good thing that the sailing teachers had pickup Zodiacs.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 14 Jul 15 - 08:28 PM

Arf! Arf! Arf Arf Arf Arf Arf Arf Arf Arf Arf ARF!?

Goggle translation : WTF!?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 14 Jul 15 - 12:38 PM

MWahahaha. You are a wicked soul, that's plain. Your lessons in traveler's manners are almost as inspiring as your lessons in basic seamanship--potentially lethal and woefully misguided. In the Halls of Mom, however, all such sins are forgiven before they are even committed.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 14 Jul 15 - 10:13 AM

Now, now! You should not know knots! If you do not know knots you might have to reravel ropes, but if you whip the bitter ends you can reduce the requirement for rope reravelment.

As for your proffered CD, I really must decline. You must know that I feel no need to learn how to be condescending. Condescension is such a social fault and it can quite put others off and I certainly would not want to do that! Why, it would be sooooo declassé, you know, and I merely want to help you have a wonderful, trouble-free holiday. The Irish are such a nice people, friendly and ever ready to please, singing and dancing through their troubles and hard times. I do think that you shall get along with them as you and they are so very much alike. Just remember that as an American you are so very much their better -- let them know that and you're trip will be fine. Oh, yes: if anyone asks if you have any Irish ancestry, tell that that you're proud to be a direct descendant of both Oliver Cromwell and William of Orange, both of whom did so very, very much for Ireland and the Irish.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 14 Jul 15 - 09:38 AM

Remind me to send you my free CD, Rapp. It is a lovely series of sanctimonious, condescending lectures called "Sucking Eggs (And Other Domestic Delights for the Dazed and Demented)". I am sure it will bring you many hours of happy listening, over and over and over.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 13 Jul 15 - 10:32 PM

Amos: take a rope. Make a loop in it; this is called a "bight." The other part -- the long stringy part -- is call the "line" or the "running line" or something of the sort; you can call it whatever you want except a bight.

Make a bight about two feet from one end of the rope. Hold this in place. Now take the running end up through the bight and around the line behind the bight. Now push it down into the bight again and pull it tight. Mess around with this until you get it right and you will have tied a know called a "bowline." This is useful for a lot of things which you can figure out all by yourself.

Now take the two ends of the rope. Tie them together -- try to do "right over left and left over right." Do this correctly and you have a "square knot" which is useful for all sorts of things. Do it wrong and you have a "granny knot" which will slip when you need it the most.

Now make a bight and lay it along the running line. Make another bight at the end (start a ways from the end!). Now you have two bights. Wrap some of the loose running line by the SECOND bight around all of the rope and when you get the the other bight, push the end through and pull it tight. If you've done this correctly you've tied a very versital thing called a "hangman's knot."

All know derive from these three. Practice until you get them right. About six feet of 1/4 inch silk manila will be best for a beginner like you -- ask for it at you local rope store.

A hint about docking a boat: don't run in 90 degrees to the dock. If you do you can break your boat.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 13 Jul 15 - 08:31 PM

Well, our Irish hour is drawign nearer, and I am brushing up my once-refined but now oxidized skills at docking, anchoring, line handling and such. I think it will be lovely and exciting, and I hope not too chilly along the Shannon and the Shannon-Erne going easterly from Leitrim. Really, what a thrill! :D

I hope there will be pubs a plenty that might welcome a passing balladeer, or even where one may hear others of like ilk.

I believe the Like Ilk is indigenous to Ireland in the first place.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 13 Jul 15 - 05:46 PM

Might as well tell this.

During our recent trip to Ireland and NI, we visited the Giant's Causeway. Pat had a photograph of her father sitting there in the Wishing Chair, in uniform, in 1942. She sat down, but not in the Wishing Chair, and we got several photos of her holding the picture. The "guides" were amazed, not only because of the photo, but because they didn't know any American troops were stationed in Northern Ireland during the War.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 13 Jul 15 - 05:36 PM

As some day it may happen that a victim must be found,
I've got a little list--I've got a little list.
Of society offenders who might well be underground,
And who never would be missed--who never would be missed!

There's the pestilential pundits who write without a clue?
All men with bloated bellies who hang out guzzling brew?
All children who play computer games and beat you just like that?
All people who like a glutton eat but keep their tummies flat?
The terrifying boss you've only just met, who on first names insists?
They'd none of 'em be missed--they'd none of 'em be missed!

CHORUS. He's got 'em on the list--he's got 'em on the list;
And they'll none of 'em be missed--they'll none of 'em be missed.

There's the Metallica lead guitarist and the others of his race,
And Material Girl, Madonna?I've got them on the list!
And the fearful ladies who serve spaghetti on their finest lace,
They never would be missed--they never would be missed!
Then the millionaire ball players who smirk and snort cocaine,
And unfailingly prove that even with money you cannot buy a brain;

Then there's the homophobes in the closet who curse but mostly lie,
They'd rather stay where the sun don't shine than admit they like a guy;
And that shallowest of arrogant, back-stabbing pr--ks, the corporate ladder climberist
I don't think he'd be missed--I'm sure he'd not he missed!

CHORUS. He's got them on the list--he's got them on the list;
And I don't think they'll be missed--I'm sure they'll not be missed!

And the self-righteous jurists, who free the high and mightier,
Overbearing, moralistic judges?I've got them on the list!
All afternoon talk show hosts?nah, not Oprah?but especially Springer;

They'd none of 'em be missed?they'd none of 'em be missed.
And the slick politician who about corporate influences never lies,
"What, never?" Well, hardly ever when even their 'fluence Enron buys

But it really doesn't matter whom you put upon the list,
For they'd none of 'em be missed--they'd none of 'em be missed!

CHORUS. You may put 'em on the list--you may put 'em on the list;
And they'll none of 'em be missed--they'll none of 'em be missed!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 13 Jul 15 - 09:32 AM

Yeah, that Rapparee. He even believes in retrospective abortion...and he's got a little list.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 13 Jul 15 - 12:24 AM

Darn that Rapparree--always projecting!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 12 Jul 15 - 08:43 PM

Some people should use birth control all year long. That would prevent birthday parties completely. There are some people who shouldn't have had birth days at all.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 12 Jul 15 - 02:25 PM

Advice to young heterosexual couples:

Use a reliable form of birth control during the months of October, November, and December. Doing so will minimize the chances of your having a child during the summer. Not having summer-born children will eliminate summertime birthday parties, which are a source of unparalleled misery for adults.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 12 Jul 15 - 01:17 PM

Once.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 12 Jul 15 - 11:50 AM

Blessings on those who labor mightily, a set among which I once stood with pride. I do not, now, for reasons of health and age and general craftiness. But I still tip my hat thereunto.

How many times has the word "thereunto" been used this week?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 12 Jul 15 - 01:19 AM

I'm winding down a vacation of sorts, a week of heavy work. I'll rest up from this vacation when I go back to work.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 11 Jul 15 - 11:02 PM

A quiet Sunday doing odds and ends preparing for next6 month. Oh my goodness, the actual date is beginning to loom! DO you see that??? It
's looming, I tells ya!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 11 Jul 15 - 10:28 PM

Only a Ginger can call another Ginger a Ginger.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 11 Jul 15 - 10:17 PM

I shot Cowboy today. I had trouble with ma rifle gun and dint do so good. But I dint miss none with ma scattergun, nope. And I only missed one er two with ma rifle gun when it worked. Dint do so good with ma revoluvers neither. But Mom still loves me cuz I'm her favorite and don't come home stinkin' of whiskey and gin, all dissipated up like Some Folks.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 11 Jul 15 - 01:10 PM

Barfed up? Nay, good sir. I paid for it so it's staying put... fer now.

Genius.

A little Tim and a little Hair Of The God and I am good to go.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 11 Jul 15 - 12:39 PM

There was a MOABite named gnu
Who consumed too much bacon and brew
He ate and drank 'til
He began to feel ill
And barfed up pork and beer in the loo


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Ebbie
Date: 11 Jul 15 - 11:50 AM

hahhahahah (laughing helplessly) hahahhahah


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 11 Jul 15 - 10:35 AM

Righteousness is vastly overrated. As an old bosun once said to me, "There's more than one way to break the devil's claw."


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 11 Jul 15 - 09:44 AM

When Rapp was born the mold was broke. The next day, the mold was spending money like a drunk sailor.

Coincidence? I don't think so.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 11 Jul 15 - 09:31 AM

If you are going to stay up until all hours carousing with low-life, drinking the Devil's potions, treading the Primrose Path to Perdition, licentiously licking up Lucifer's liquors, consorting with Unfortunate Women until all hours, and then reeking of rum and rotgut and probably riddled with Black Catarrh and worse, you'll come slinking homeward and bring into Dear Old Mom's place the aroma of despair and degradation and feel really terrible in the morning. But lo! Mom still loves you and will welcome you back with rejoicing for Mom rejoices more over the return of the one which was lost than over the ninety-and-nine that have never strayed from her wise teachings, those who have never fallen from Righteousness. And your siblings, those Marvelous MOABites whose sole goal is to continue the noble ways left to them by the unique Khandu (may he, she, or it rest in Peace!), they too will feast upon the fatted calf at you return and may, in their goodness, even share with you the crumbs of their table.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 11 Jul 15 - 08:05 AM

Anyone get the licence number on that truck?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 10 Jul 15 - 10:46 PM

I am no relation to that lower-order quasi-primate, Chongo/a Chimp. In fact, s/he has been found to be a very dead branch on the evolutionary tree, killed off by mold.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 10 Jul 15 - 10:35 PM

We are all just monkeys in shoes.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 10 Jul 15 - 08:30 PM

175#. 120/70/64. Doc says I am doing well. SO! Tonight, I am eating 375g of bacon and whatever the fuck else I want. And I'll wash it down with copious quantities of ale. Tomorrow, I may rue today. Rough ass.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 10 Jul 15 - 01:59 PM

Henry Homes is a real estate developer/home construction company. I don't know if they're a national company or just regional. They don't actually build hovels. The build multitudes of massive multistoried McMansions which look monotonously similar, right down to the mailboxes.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 10 Jul 15 - 01:18 PM

Henry was Sherlock's other brother?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 09 Jul 15 - 08:53 PM

I once lived in a hovel. It was in a subdivision built by Henry Homes called "Hardscrabble Hills". Nothing but hectares and hectares of horrifically horrendous hovels. The neighbors were all hop-heads who were habitually high on heroin. Happily, I only lived there half a year before moving to a trashy trailer by the train tracks.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Donuel
Date: 09 Jul 15 - 07:30 PM

I once lived in a Victorian painted lady cottage on Normal St.
Right in between 12th and 14th St.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 09 Jul 15 - 07:02 PM

Guest... yes... sue, sue, sue!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 09 Jul 15 - 12:29 PM

A factory where 666 Colds Remedy was once manufactured sat at the foot of The Acosta Bridge in my hometown of Jacksonville, FL. (Click for picture.) There was a flashing red neon sign atop the building (you can only see it edgewise in the photo) which was aimed at traffic coming off the bridge. Growing up in a non-religious family, I associated "666" with that sign. I don't think I even knew about the "mark of the beast" thing until the film The Omen came out.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST, ^*^
Date: 09 Jul 15 - 10:29 AM

I learned yesterday that a friend/co-worker is being laid off. She's just over a year away from retirement eligibility. I hope she sues the bejeezus out of the employer in question.

That is all.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Donuel
Date: 09 Jul 15 - 10:15 AM

Nah that's not wound up. That's mildly piqued over superstition.
Some people get wound up over BS to deadly proportions




* $1.99: Extra Ham on Eggs _~_ 66 cent profit margarine.




* Cartoon of the profit.
More ham Ed?
Piece be up on'em.


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