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BS: The Mother of all BS threads

Acme 04 Jan 07 - 02:11 AM
Rapparee 04 Jan 07 - 12:20 AM
Acme 03 Jan 07 - 06:31 PM
Amos 03 Jan 07 - 06:18 PM
Amos 03 Jan 07 - 01:36 PM
Acme 03 Jan 07 - 01:31 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 03 Jan 07 - 12:58 PM
Amos 03 Jan 07 - 12:18 PM
MMario 03 Jan 07 - 11:48 AM
Amos 03 Jan 07 - 11:45 AM
GUEST,freds new order 03 Jan 07 - 11:19 AM
Amos 03 Jan 07 - 11:10 AM
MMario 03 Jan 07 - 11:05 AM
GUEST,freds new order 03 Jan 07 - 11:00 AM
Acme 03 Jan 07 - 10:52 AM
MMario 03 Jan 07 - 10:16 AM
GUEST,freds new order 03 Jan 07 - 10:13 AM
MMario 03 Jan 07 - 10:12 AM
Rapparee 03 Jan 07 - 10:11 AM
Acme 03 Jan 07 - 02:17 AM
Amos 02 Jan 07 - 11:33 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 02 Jan 07 - 05:07 PM
Amos 02 Jan 07 - 04:26 PM
Acme 02 Jan 07 - 04:17 PM
Rapparee 02 Jan 07 - 11:03 AM
JennyO 02 Jan 07 - 10:37 AM
MMario 02 Jan 07 - 10:30 AM
JennyO 02 Jan 07 - 10:26 AM
Amos 02 Jan 07 - 10:17 AM
JennyO 02 Jan 07 - 12:30 AM
Amos 02 Jan 07 - 12:03 AM
JennyO 01 Jan 07 - 10:42 PM
Acme 01 Jan 07 - 02:33 PM
Amos 01 Jan 07 - 01:19 PM
Rapparee 01 Jan 07 - 10:27 AM
Amos 01 Jan 07 - 10:21 AM
Acme 01 Jan 07 - 02:44 AM
Acme 31 Dec 06 - 11:58 PM
Amos 31 Dec 06 - 11:04 PM
Rapparee 31 Dec 06 - 08:21 PM
Acme 31 Dec 06 - 07:50 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 31 Dec 06 - 02:56 PM
Amos 31 Dec 06 - 01:34 PM
MMario 31 Dec 06 - 10:52 AM
Rapparee 31 Dec 06 - 10:20 AM
Bee-dubya-ell 30 Dec 06 - 10:54 PM
Amos 30 Dec 06 - 09:18 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 30 Dec 06 - 08:27 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 30 Dec 06 - 08:07 PM
Amos 30 Dec 06 - 07:33 PM
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 04 Jan 07 - 02:11 AM

Are you feeling better, or just delirious?

(Good to see that you're back home! Get some rest!)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 04 Jan 07 - 12:20 AM

Oy. Ya just git home and see what happens? Well, I'm Alichem the idea of going to bed. As Woody wrote, Sholom, it's been good ta know ya.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 03 Jan 07 - 06:31 PM

Fiddling around with a tune, are we? That one ought to raise the rooftops.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 03 Jan 07 - 06:18 PM

Bernard enters, stage right, looking moonstruck. He stares at the sky, rubbing his stomach.

Bernard: Oh!! How I wish I had a hot dog! Or a HAMBURGER!! How I wish the Cow-Burner was here!!

Strings intro. Bernard sings while moving to stage front and traipsing to and from melodramatically"
Cow-burner, cow-burber, burn me a cow
Don't ask me when, don't ask me how!
Make me a burger so full of a delight,
And burn me a cow
To-night!


Dog maker, dog maker, make me a dog!
Long as a mile!
Thick as a log!
Rich with red catsup and mustard so bright!
And make me a dog,
To-night!!

You can make my stomach growl,
Make the rafters sing!
All I'm asking, take my soul
And make me one
With everything!!

Cow-burner, cow-burner, burn me a cow
Any old way! Any old how!
Fire your charcoal up, burning and bright,
And burn me a cow,
To-night!!



Coda of light-hearted strings plays as he dances of stage left, leaping....


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 03 Jan 07 - 01:36 PM

Feeling spicy, are we? LOL! I think Leedle Hack is getting a bit long in the tooth to use his talons in a dog-eat-dog world. Or a freds-eat-dog world. Hold the Mayo, hold the Clinique, I think we need to adjust the meds around here...


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 03 Jan 07 - 01:31 PM

They can have all of my hot dogs for this year and 49 from last year. That ought to cover a couple of MOABites. And Little Hawk can defend himself--he has a talon for that.

Yours truly,

Saucy SRS

Ha!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 03 Jan 07 - 12:58 PM

Dear freds,

Catsup is not made from cats. It is not very high in protein. You would be much better off eating hot dogs which, by the way, aren't made from dogs. The average American human eats 55 hot dogs a year. In exchange for not eating me, you may have my 55 hot dogs. Well, not quite.... You may have 53. I just ate two for lunch.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 03 Jan 07 - 12:18 PM

From Sussex out to SLigga
We live our lives with vigah
Riding motorsickles bought at Alf's.
From Tucson up to Fenwy
We'll celebrate it when we
Feed your bleedin' orfinks to the ralphs.



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 03 Jan 07 - 11:48 AM

Hold the pickle,
hold the lettuce,
Freds new order don't upset us.
All we ask is that you let us
feed you to ralfs!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 03 Jan 07 - 11:45 AM

Forget it. You have no chance whatsoever to ketchup.

You haven't even mustard yet! While we are on a roll.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,freds new order
Date: 03 Jan 07 - 11:19 AM

do not mock us and your consumption will be with dignity. mock us and we will messily consume you with catsup or ketchup whichever is at hand.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 03 Jan 07 - 11:10 AM

Kinda like King Canute trying to rule the Tide. Or modern conservatives seeking to suppress Joy. Or schoolteachers trying to suppress Shout.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 03 Jan 07 - 11:05 AM

Why would you want to rule All? Do you have a detergent fetish? Wouldn't the box be a bit cramped?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,freds new order
Date: 03 Jan 07 - 11:00 AM

we do not believe in your myths, which are lies and which hold back freds new order from our rightful place, which is to rule All and to consume all protein which tastes yummy.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 03 Jan 07 - 10:52 AM

I cooked a batch of beans yesterday and added some jalapeno peppers. Nice and warm, if you know what I mean, freds--you may want to examine the history of the previous freds--you'll find that ingesting capsaicin causes you guys to cook from the inside out and cause unsightly splats inside the space ship if you're so foolish as to try it.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 03 Jan 07 - 10:16 AM

well, duh, f.n.o. Good Taste is in direct proportion to ascendancy in the universal schema; and MOABITES are well up there.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,freds new order
Date: 03 Jan 07 - 10:13 AM

we have overthrown the old order and are the new order. you are protein and taste yummy.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 03 Jan 07 - 10:12 AM

You really should take a plane instead of flying yourself. Otherwise you will be very tired.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 03 Jan 07 - 10:11 AM

I have it on good authority that he thought he was marrying her. He thought it was part of the President's job, as explained in the Old Testament.

Hi, Mom! I'm flying home shortly!

Thank goodness....


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 03 Jan 07 - 02:17 AM

Some of those folks can hopefully pick up where they left off.

Did you see W escort Betty down the aisle for Gerald's funeral today? I bet he thought those folks were standing up for him.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 02 Jan 07 - 11:33 PM

It's an interesting metaphor, like one dipshit throws the wrong switch and all these dreams are shattered, all these lovemaking sessions torn asunder, all these nights of sleep running in parallel are simultaneously brought to a screeching, ugly, halt and several hundred souls are brought kicking and screaming back into common reality over huge protest. The villain escapes, unidentified, and three hundred souls grouse about him for days, souring their lives until something else comes along.

Kinda like W, in a way.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 02 Jan 07 - 05:07 PM

Mrs. Bee and I had one of those 2:30 AM alarms at a hotel we stayed in this past October. The alarm had one of those "modern" tones instead of a good old-fashioned fire sireeeeen, and it wasn't really all that loud. In our sleep-disoriented states we thought it was the bedside alarm clock going off and started beatin' hell out of the thing trying to get it to shut up. By the time we realized it was a fire alarm, we would have been dead if it had been a real fire instead of just some idiot smoking in the hallway.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 02 Jan 07 - 04:26 PM

Bankers believe quite rightly that imaginary numbers should be reserved for business plans, not applicants for loans. The square root of minus 1 has no place in such an application, unless it happens to be your Social Security number. Which would make you either terribly old, or a Republican.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 02 Jan 07 - 04:17 PM

42


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 02 Jan 07 - 11:03 AM

All numbers are immaterial. They are simply constructs of human scientists, created to create confusion and dissention among us. This is easily shown by the "kinds" of numbers there are: imaginary, irrational, irrelevant, irregular, regular, rational, real, unreal, even, odd, queer, different, indifferent, Fibonnuci, weird, wrong, impossible, whole, fractional, differential, partial, impartial, and many, many others.

Have you ever tried to tell your bank that you have plenty of money in your account because they use "real" numbers and you use "imaginary" ones? They won't accept your figures. Take it from me, they won't.

And to hear Mathematicians talk about numbers! Why, I haven't hear such language since Polecat Joe called Foul Fred a nasty name over at the Legion Hovel and Fred replied with something that turned a whole square mile bright blue and then Joe...well, it was something to hear, and mules all over Eastern Idaho sighed in reminiscence.

Should you doubt any of this, I refer you to the epic "The Society On The Stanislaus" by Mr. Brett Harte, a real author.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: JennyO
Date: 02 Jan 07 - 10:37 AM

Well I'm definitely not doing my part then. I think I've had maybe one or two hot dogs in the last year.

Then again, I'm in Australia. I wonder what the statistics are here?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 02 Jan 07 - 10:30 AM

oops! I guess my finger slipped when I typed; but 53 *is* closer to the correct answer (55) then is 5.5. Much closer.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: JennyO
Date: 02 Jan 07 - 10:26 AM

By George he's got it!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 02 Jan 07 - 10:17 AM

By the way, 16,500,000,000 divided by 300,000,000 is exactly 55. No need to round down.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: JennyO
Date: 02 Jan 07 - 12:30 AM

I wish I had some Amos, but alas I don't. Having just tumbled out of bed myself, I didn't have the presence of mind to take my camera out with me. Probably just as well in some ways, but still....

Word pictures will have to do instead ;-)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 02 Jan 07 - 12:03 AM

I like the part about folks tumbling out from unexpected bedrooms. I still want pictures.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: JennyO
Date: 01 Jan 07 - 10:42 PM

We had that happen a few years ago in the dead of night at a hostel in the mountains of Snowdonia in Wales, when our choir was touring the UK. Most interesting of all, was seeing which rooms which people came out of, in various states of undress with gowns wrapped hastily around them ;-)

It turned out to be a childish prank. Some that had been disturbed were NOT AMUSED!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 01 Jan 07 - 02:33 PM

I had that happen in a hotel a few years back--I saw a bunch of teenaged boys flee the building as I stood near the window grasping my ears tightly to try to block the pain from the noise. I knew it was a prank--and I knew who pulled it. My head hurt for a while after that.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 01 Jan 07 - 01:19 PM

OOOH!!! FIRE ALARM!! Did you all have to traipse out onto the street ion your jammies??? I want pictures!!!



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 01 Jan 07 - 10:27 AM

Some unmentionably ignorant, uncaring, selfish, louse-covered, scrofolous, pox-ridden, son of a ditch whore pulled the fire alarm at the hotel this morning at 2:30 a.m. I am not please.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 01 Jan 07 - 10:21 AM

Happy New Year, Mom.


This morning. a great many silly folks will be starting the New Year by wishing they hadn't been so free ushering it in. Silly way to start, by making yourself sick and then getting over it.

But Happy Year to all my MOAB sibs anyway. I know they are much smarter than that.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 01 Jan 07 - 02:44 AM

I'm stopping on the floor for now--I have it about half-way completed. I took a break and brought the dogs in for about 45 minutes at midnight. They normally never come in the house so they found it pretty exciting for a few minutes. The pit bull calmed right down, the catahoula took a bit longer, but after about 20 minutes they were both lying quitely on the floor at my feet. While the cats are locked safely in the bedroom. Too bad the dogs can't come in more and calm down, but they haven't mastered the "cat's have tons of power so you'd damned well better leave them alone" lesson yet. We heard fireworks (illegal in town) and pistols (way illegal anywhere on this kind of occasion) going off.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 31 Dec 06 - 11:58 PM

Were they nude?

I'm scraping the adhesive from the floor in my front hall. Maybe next week I can finally put down the tile that has sat in boxes for several years. It's about time!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 31 Dec 06 - 11:04 PM

That George and Martha Feldenstern, from Mount Vernon, Idaho. LEst there be any misunderstanding. They called him over to a corner on the sidewalk outside the Capitol grounds, where they needed help reading their map. They were holding it upside down, so Rapaire was able to be of assistance.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 31 Dec 06 - 08:21 PM

I might have eaten two, maybe.

Happy Nude Year, Mom. I'm going to be bed early. Had a had day touring Mt. Vernon -- George and Martha asked me over.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 31 Dec 06 - 07:50 PM

I fell down on my end of the hot dog consumption grid, I'm afraid. I might have eaten five or six this year. I remember buying a pack of them to use for lunches last summer but the kids weren't too interested in them (so of course, mom ate them for lunches rather than waste food).


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 31 Dec 06 - 02:56 PM

Thanks for the correction, MMario. My calculator ran out of zeros and I had to rely on my brain. A poor substitute.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 31 Dec 06 - 01:34 PM

They even LOOK like unmentionable parts, but I won't say which ones, nor of what they may be parts, else they would be declassified as unmentionable parts.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 31 Dec 06 - 10:52 AM

check your math. 16.5 billion divided by 300 MILLION is more then 5.5; in fact, it is closer to 53


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 31 Dec 06 - 10:20 AM

That's because so many of them are made from unmentionable parts.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 30 Dec 06 - 10:54 PM

That sounds like a lot of hot dogs, but when you divide that 16.5 billion by a population of 300 million it's only 5.5 dogs per person per year. Somebody's not doing his share.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 30 Dec 06 - 09:18 PM

Different etymologies, amigo. hamburger was named as an entity whole, not an element thereof.

"Charles Panati traces the origins of "hamburger" as follows:

Origins in a medieval culinary practice popular among the Tartars, who shredded the low quality (i.e., tough) beef. Whence we get steak tartare (they didn't use capers and eggs though).
Russian Tartars introduced it to Germany prior to the 14th century. The Germans mixed in regional spices and the dish was eaten both cooked and raw and became common among the poorer classes. In Hamburg, the dish acquired the name "Hamburg steak" during a visit by a visiting Irish chieftan who was an ancestor of John F. Kennedy (well, I might be joking about the Chieftan part).
The dish went to England and met with Dr. J.H. Salisbury. This guy was a food reformer and physician (popular combo in those days, it seems) who was big on shredding all foods prior to consumption to improve digestability. He was also big on eating beef 3 times a day, washed down by hot water. Now we get Salisbury steak which was no big deal until Swanson over promoted it (well I might be semi-kidding about Swanson).
Concurrently, Hamburg steak travelled with German immigrants to the US in the 1880s and we get "hamburger steak," then "hamburger." The timing of the bun business is not known though Panati says that by the 1904 World's Fair in St. Louis, it was already a sandwich and was also known as "hamburg."
Regarding the "hot dog", this delicacy is dated back to 1500 B.C. in Babylonia (I guess that explains the taste of many of the modern ones). Suffice it to say that stuff meat in animal intestines was (and still is) a pretty popular culinary approach.

Some highlights though, included the big (heh) role played by sausage in the Roman festival Lupercalia where Panati says other writers alluded that the sausage may have played a role beyond mere foodstuff. Anyway, the early Roman Catholic Church made sausage eating a sin and Constantine banned its consumption.

In the 1850s, the Germans made thick, soft, and fatty sausages from which we get "frank." In 1852, the butcher's guild in Frankfurt introduced a spiced and smoked sausage which was packed in a thin casing and they called it a "frankfurter" after their hometown. The sausage had a slightly curved shape supposedly due to the coaxing of a butcher who had a popular dachshund. The frankfurter was also known as a "dachshund sausage" and this name came with it to America.

The two Frankfurters who introduced the frankfurter to the US were Antoine Feuchtwanger (in St. Louis, Mo.) and Charles Feltman, a baker who had a push cart on New York's Coney Island. Supposedly, Feltman's pie business couldn't compete with the hot dishes sold by the inns there, and decided to sell one kind of small hot sandwich, the frankfurter, since his cart couldn't handle anything fancier or offer greater variety. He served them with traditional mustard and sauerkraut, it was a hit, and he opened Feltman's German Beer Garden. In 1913, he hired Nathan Handwerker to help him out at US$11/week.

Two frankfurter fanatics, Eddie Condon and Jimmy Durante (yep, the ones), were pissed that Feltman raised his franks to US$0.10 and convinced Handwerker to break off and sell 'em for US$0.05. And that's what that traitor, er, canny businessman did in 1916. So he opened a concession using his wife's Ida recipe. He promoted it by offering free dogs to the docs at Coney Island Hospital on condition that they eat at his stand with their dress whites and prominently displayed stethoscopes (obviously, the current of ethics in the medical profession go back a ways). This was a hit.

As an aside, Handwerker then Clara Bowtinelli, who bagged out and turned down possible fame and fortune toiling in a dog joint to become Clara "The It Girl" Bow.

Anyways, the sausage was known as frankfurters, red hots, dachshund sausages, wieners, etc. By this time, there was a guy, Harry Stevens, who owned a refreshment concessionaire who had made popular doggies at NYC baseball games. His vendors supposedly called out "Get your red-hot dachshund sausages!" (You can see why this became shorted later on.)

In the summer of 1906, a Hearst paper cartoonist, Tad Dorgan was inspired by the shape of the sausage and the calls of the vendors to sketch a cartoon with a real dachshund, smeared with mustard, in a bun. Supposedly, while he was at the office refining the cartoon, he couldn't spell the name of the damn dog so he made the caption "get your hot dogs."

Anyway, this guy Dorgan was considered a major cartoonist and has had retrospectives to his work, and historians, archivists, and curators generally credit him with the name, but the supposed cartoon has never been found.

BTW, the US produces something like 16.5 billion hot dogs per annum."


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 30 Dec 06 - 08:27 PM

And to further confuse the issue, if a sandwich make from a hamburger patty is called a hamburger, why isn't a sandwich made from a sausage patty called a sausage?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 30 Dec 06 - 08:07 PM

Perhaps if one were to slice two hotdogs lengthwise and serve them between two pieces of bread that would be a hotdog sandwich. Maybe it's the bun that produces the linguistic anomaly.

But why is a sandwich made from a round disk of ground beef called a hamburger while the disk itself, sans bread, is called a hamburger patty?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 30 Dec 06 - 07:33 PM

Because if you called it a hot dog sandwich it would cause a flap in Animal Protection circles. Not because there were dogs in it, but because the name implies an association with a potentially harmful concept which in turn might cause the not-too-bright to generate an unwelcome thought-picture in a dysfunctional mind, as a result of which they might then resist said picture and experience tension, distress, emotional upset and confusion all because you called it a hot dog sandwich.

I tell you, man. it's a jungle of eggshells out there!


A


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