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BS: The Mother of all BS threads

Bunnahabhain 13 Nov 06 - 01:17 PM
Rapparee 13 Nov 06 - 12:28 PM
MMario 13 Nov 06 - 12:20 PM
Amos 13 Nov 06 - 12:18 PM
Rapparee 13 Nov 06 - 12:08 PM
MMario 13 Nov 06 - 11:58 AM
Amos 13 Nov 06 - 11:45 AM
Rapparee 13 Nov 06 - 10:53 AM
Acme 13 Nov 06 - 10:46 AM
Acme 13 Nov 06 - 09:50 AM
Rapparee 13 Nov 06 - 08:20 AM
Bunnahabhain 13 Nov 06 - 08:16 AM
Acme 13 Nov 06 - 01:37 AM
Amos 12 Nov 06 - 11:52 PM
Rapparee 12 Nov 06 - 08:22 PM
Amos 12 Nov 06 - 08:14 PM
Amos 12 Nov 06 - 10:15 AM
Rapparee 11 Nov 06 - 11:13 PM
Amos 11 Nov 06 - 09:37 PM
Acme 11 Nov 06 - 06:29 PM
Rapparee 11 Nov 06 - 04:31 PM
Rapparee 11 Nov 06 - 08:25 AM
Acme 10 Nov 06 - 10:47 PM
Rapparee 10 Nov 06 - 07:32 PM
Acme 10 Nov 06 - 04:35 PM
Acme 10 Nov 06 - 04:16 PM
Rapparee 10 Nov 06 - 02:37 PM
Amos 10 Nov 06 - 02:28 PM
Rapparee 10 Nov 06 - 01:43 PM
Acme 10 Nov 06 - 11:15 AM
Amos 10 Nov 06 - 11:11 AM
Acme 10 Nov 06 - 09:55 AM
JennyO 10 Nov 06 - 09:33 AM
Amos 10 Nov 06 - 09:19 AM
Rapparee 10 Nov 06 - 08:55 AM
JennyO 10 Nov 06 - 08:48 AM
Bunnahabhain 10 Nov 06 - 08:42 AM
Acme 10 Nov 06 - 08:28 AM
Rapparee 09 Nov 06 - 09:56 PM
Amos 09 Nov 06 - 09:50 PM
Rapparee 09 Nov 06 - 09:37 PM
Amos 09 Nov 06 - 09:11 PM
Rapparee 09 Nov 06 - 09:02 PM
Amos 09 Nov 06 - 08:50 PM
Acme 09 Nov 06 - 07:12 PM
Amos 09 Nov 06 - 05:23 PM
Rapparee 09 Nov 06 - 04:45 PM
Amos 09 Nov 06 - 04:06 PM
MMario 09 Nov 06 - 03:17 PM
Rapparee 09 Nov 06 - 03:15 PM
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bunnahabhain
Date: 13 Nov 06 - 01:17 PM

Day of the Turkeys? I thought you'd just had an election, and could rest easy awhile before the next one...


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 13 Nov 06 - 12:28 PM

I shall indulge myself with turkey amidst friends, dining here.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 13 Nov 06 - 12:20 PM

unh-huh! And the day after the day of the turkeys - also known as Black Friday is the first day of Christmas. at least for me.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 13 Nov 06 - 12:18 PM

Surely, the Lord watcheth over MOAB, and the Day of the Turkeys approacheth and will be upon us soon.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 13 Nov 06 - 12:08 PM

A time to refrain from indulging....


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 13 Nov 06 - 11:58 AM

Hey Everyone! turn tern turn
How do you season turn tern turn
And how long do you cook it, under pressure?

A time to be baste, a time to bard
A time to stuff, a time to carve
A time to bake, a time to boil
a time for eating, after toil.





I'll leave now...


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 13 Nov 06 - 11:45 AM

Perch and rotate,
Tern, tern, tern;
Still dost thou bloviate
Tern, tern, tern;
A time to dog one another,
A time to be a nerd;
A time to look up
A badly used word;
A time to cavil,
And a time to give up caviling.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 13 Nov 06 - 10:53 AM

Yes, our family is well known for giving each other the bird.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 13 Nov 06 - 10:46 AM

damned comma.

also, a bird. . .


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 13 Nov 06 - 09:50 AM

There's a family pet, also a bird. They pass it around amongst themselves. The bird is unusual in its motions, it always circles on it's perch. Next month it's Rapaire's turn tern turn.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 13 Nov 06 - 08:20 AM

My brother has my grandfather's personal still. We've even used it, in demonstrations, to distill water. It's very quiet, and except for the distillate dripping out would wouldn't even know that it was working. It's a family heirloom, and so we keep Grandpa's still still still.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bunnahabhain
Date: 13 Nov 06 - 08:16 AM

Have you put new batteries in the dogs collars? Check they're working, by getting Rapiere and Amos to try they on for a minute....


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 13 Nov 06 - 01:37 AM

Mom! Rapaire and Amos won't stop bickering!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 12 Nov 06 - 11:52 PM

Don't aim your barbarisms at me, amigo, but at Mister Dalyrymple (you can call him Are-by). He's the one who coined the line. Alternatively you may want to look up the word "still" to see if it has any OTHER definition than the one you were raised under.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 12 Nov 06 - 08:22 PM

Don't be silly. You don't drink a still, you drink the product of the still. Do I have to teach you????


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 12 Nov 06 - 08:14 PM

The people now all 'round have heard
The grim, alarming, sadd'ning word
That Mom, their heart and daily light
Has drifted downwards toward the night,
Even into the Bottom Third!

Where are her sons, her daughters bold,
Whose feats have often been far told
Who fought ignorance and despair
Yanking her up by her long brown hair
And bringing her back in from the cold?

Alas, 'the hearth! 'Tis cold and still
And nary a trump sounds from the hill
While Mother lags on the deep's cold brink,
Her sons have gone to have a drink,
And may be drinking still.

Arbuthnot Dalyrymple
Fires from Above
Web, Net and Monitor, Inc., 1949, Oakland


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 12 Nov 06 - 10:15 AM

Shore must be natch'l iffen it been goin' on so long, Miz Scarlett!


:D


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 11 Nov 06 - 11:13 PM

Somebody said that iffen babies weren't so damned cute nobody'd make any more of 'em.

So it's natcheral.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 11 Nov 06 - 09:37 PM

Rapaire, bring your wrinkly shirts, your skid-marked undies, your overgrown armpits, your redolent attitude and your sparkling wits. But leave your guns at home, son, don't bring them guns to town. You-all will be most disappointed effen you don't heed my words as they won't letcher on the plane widdem.

Anyway we'll have a fine dinner out somewhere and see if we can make peace. Otherwise Pocatello's gonna really be pissed about losin' their fundraisin' librarian.

Say, what's the secret code to new babies? I just had a visit from my new grandson, seven weeks old and mewling and peeing in his mother's arms. But CUTE???!!!! Dang, ya never saw such cutitude!! To die for!! How come a kid of mebbe 13 pounds can melt down a whole room full of able bodies adults like that? Li'l fuzzy head and tiny fingers and wee lady-killing smile and twinkle of baby eye --- I swan, it is definitely more than any average grownup can resist. How do they DO that? But whatever the secret code is, ya gotta love 'em for using it on you.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 11 Nov 06 - 06:29 PM

Well, darn. Today my "invisible fence" failed completely. I had the dogs out front, and Poppy started making her high-pitched ruckus when you man-handle her if she thinks she might get hurt (she never does). This attracted, out of the blue, two MORE strays (previously not seen by me) who trotted into the yard to see what the noise was. My two dogs were like bats out of hell, flying through the hot zone and dashing up the street after the two. Good thing mine are a pair--my quick thinking neighbor Gayle called Poppy over to her truck and grabbed her collar. Cinnamon saw that Poppy stopped and came back to me, and I hauled both of their doggie asses back into the yard and through the zone. Zap! I think their batteries were weak--I was trying to see how long they last before putting the next batch in. Bad me. Obviously the weak batteries didn't do the job. So I changed them when I came back and let the dogs know they were back in the hot seat.

This makes six stray dogs I've seen in the neibhborhood in less than a week. I think someone must be dumping them here.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 11 Nov 06 - 04:31 PM

Dear Mom:

Okay, I've had it. I'm going to go out to San Diego and straighten Amos out once and for all. I just can't take it any longer. The only question is whether to do it quickly with a gun, a knife, or poison or to watch him writhe in agony as I sing. I kinda prefer the last, especially since I'll have my brother to help me and he can't sing either.

Your Obedient Son,
R


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 11 Nov 06 - 08:25 AM

Some guy named Ambaroff or somethin' volunteered, but we gotta put him in touch with a friendly judge, whatever that means.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 10 Nov 06 - 10:47 PM

[Google finally caught up--and is offering "special Tonga fares" now]

For your library funding you need to find a way to attract Warren Buffett or Bill Gates' attention. Or maybe one of the Walton gang. Ask for their pocket change.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 10 Nov 06 - 07:32 PM

Ich haben a damned good idea for a fundraiser. But I'm after a fundraiser of a big massive sort, like several millions of US dollars. I want an endowment fund AND a building fund that'll expand the current place and fix the cheap-shit stuff they did when they built it. And I've got just the two books to reprint into one volume to do use, too. AND I've got century old roofing shingles and the branding irons to use on them.

HAPLR has rated us as the numero uno library for cities of 50,000 or more in all of Idaho. We rock! (And for cities of 50-99,000 in CA, NV, WA, OR, and MT we're 17th.)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 10 Nov 06 - 04:35 PM

The woman who recommended the book lives in Idaho, I think in Pocatello, so who knows, maybe you've crossed paths. She has an essay in it--sounds like a nice book to use for a fundraiser and do a booksigning with.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 10 Nov 06 - 04:16 PM

A friend just sent me the following tidbit:


GOOD ADVICE


Bono is at a U2 concert in Ireland when he asks the audience
for some quiet.

Then in the silence, he starts to slowly clap his hands.

Holding the audience in total silence, he says, sadly, into the
microphone. . .

"Every time I clap my hands, a child in Africa dies."

A loud, grating voice from near the front pierces the silence. . .   

"Fuckin' stop doing it then!"


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 10 Nov 06 - 02:37 PM

According to the data at HAPLR this Library where I'm at ranks Number One, Numero Uno, in the state of Idaho for cities with a population of 50,000 and up. And that includes Boise.

Within the states of MT, CA, OR, WA, and NV we're 17th for cities in the 50,000 population category (no way I can go mano-a-mano with, say, Seattle or SF!).


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 10 Nov 06 - 02:28 PM

At last, Rapaire can justify his time with Mom as contributing to the execution of his duties!
Whew!!

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 10 Nov 06 - 01:43 PM

I just told the picker to pick it and she'll get right on it.

(Elsewhere those who select materials are called "selectors." Here they are called "pickers." This, it should be needless to say, leads to all sorts of comments, some of which are repeatable.)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 10 Nov 06 - 11:15 AM

Hey, Rap, look at this! It came from an acquaintance on a literature discussion list. I'm posting it just in case any of the fellas in the Legion might have a reading level over sixth grade:

    The Idaho Humanities Council just published a collection of essays about food titled:

    Dishrag Soup and Poverty Cake: An Idaho Potluck of Essays on Food

    $15 retail. available from (altered to slow down bots) Wilma at idahohumanities dot org


I should go post this on a food thread, though it is more esoteric than just recipes.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 10 Nov 06 - 11:11 AM

I think it is a manifestation of Legionairre's Disease.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 10 Nov 06 - 09:55 AM

Something is clobbering the 'Cat with gibberish spam. The Freds aren't up to this sort of thing--or are they?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: JennyO
Date: 10 Nov 06 - 09:33 AM

Nah, trolls don't wear genes.

Now I know why there aren't any trolls in my bathroom!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 10 Nov 06 - 09:19 AM

Could be the genes. Ya think?

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 10 Nov 06 - 08:55 AM

Yes, I did know that. The trolls are the worst part, always taking my pens so I can't write the checks and so the bills don't get paid on time. And they don't bathe unless they get caught in the rain or a sewer outlet or something. I tried every sort of troll repellent on the market, but found that the most effective one is simply bars of perfumed soap left lying around. Of course, the odor of these danged near repels me as well as the trolls.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: JennyO
Date: 10 Nov 06 - 08:48 AM

THOSE stairs are okay. It's the ones in his basement that are more of a problem. But not as much of a problem as the tree roots. Did you know he keeps The World Tree down there?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bunnahabhain
Date: 10 Nov 06 - 08:42 AM

This is what's left of Arizona after the Tongans tesyed their latest weapon...


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 10 Nov 06 - 08:28 AM

I hope you navigated those stairs okay. And I don't want to read in the paper "he went to bed and he bumped his head and he couldn't get up in the morning."


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 09 Nov 06 - 09:56 PM

Oh, I remember now. I'm going upstairs and have bourbon and water.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 09 Nov 06 - 09:50 PM

No...I don't see. What have you been telling us, Rapaire? I forget...


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 09 Nov 06 - 09:37 PM

See? What have I been telling you?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 09 Nov 06 - 09:11 PM

Oh, Tonga, Toonga, Tonga, I don' wanna play the bonga, no-ho-hoo not meee....


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 09 Nov 06 - 09:02 PM

Okay, you people can sit in your complacent homes and eat your complacent cheese, but you'll be happy to know that I've alerted the Idaho Legion to the Tongan Threat. Even as I type this they are readying themselves for the coming defense of the Homeland. Rifles are being distributed, knives are being whetted on the soles of boots, and horses are being saddled.

(Well, rifles WOULD be distributed if anyone could find the keys to that Arms Room, which most think that Pied Peter has with him, where ever he is. Somebody said that they think he was on a freight heading North or maybe East, so messages have been sent to Boise, Portland, Salt Lake City and Phoenix to be on the alert for him and to tell him that we need the keys to both the Arms Room and the Latrine.)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 09 Nov 06 - 08:50 PM

Tonga is not Krakatoa, by any rationale, surely?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 09 Nov 06 - 07:12 PM

link by stealth


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 09 Nov 06 - 05:23 PM

Well, I'll take your word on it being Tonga, but you'll have to panic all by your lonesome this time, amigo.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 09 Nov 06 - 04:45 PM

Wrong! NASA and the ESA both say it's Tonga! And the CIA's report on the Tonganese military might is, shall we say?, sparse. Oh yes, Tonga is a threat to the world! For instant, this satellite photo, which shows the largest atomic cannon in the world (built in 1952) and which is currently housed near Junction City, Kansas (at the end of the zig-zag road in the center of the photo), is being readied for transfer to the Tonganese military! Courtesy, of course, of the Tongan-loving Bush Administration.

I hope that the new Congress stops Tonga before their plans become a reality!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 09 Nov 06 - 04:06 PM

That shot is neither of Tonga nor of ganymede, clearly, so I fail to see its use to you as a rhetrical aid. Looks more like an impediment to your case, if you ask me.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 09 Nov 06 - 03:17 PM

You mean 'Interogative Shoals' - an offshoot of the Great Barrier reef?

Lots of good snorkeling there - as long as you avoid floating pumice.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 09 Nov 06 - 03:15 PM

Yeah? Then how do you explain this???? That question mark ain't there just for grits and shins, buddy!


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