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BS: The Mother of all BS threads

Amos 27 Sep 06 - 04:15 PM
Bunnahabhain 27 Sep 06 - 04:05 PM
Amos 27 Sep 06 - 03:58 PM
Rapparee 27 Sep 06 - 03:29 PM
John MacKenzie 27 Sep 06 - 02:47 PM
Amos 27 Sep 06 - 02:32 PM
John MacKenzie 27 Sep 06 - 02:07 PM
MMario 27 Sep 06 - 01:49 PM
John MacKenzie 27 Sep 06 - 01:47 PM
Amos 27 Sep 06 - 01:42 PM
Amos 27 Sep 06 - 01:41 PM
Amos 27 Sep 06 - 01:41 PM
Amos 27 Sep 06 - 01:40 PM
MMario 27 Sep 06 - 01:16 PM
Rapparee 26 Sep 06 - 11:16 PM
Amos 26 Sep 06 - 08:11 PM
Rapparee 26 Sep 06 - 05:54 PM
frogprince 26 Sep 06 - 04:36 PM
MMario 26 Sep 06 - 04:29 PM
frogprince 26 Sep 06 - 04:18 PM
Rapparee 26 Sep 06 - 04:01 PM
Amos 26 Sep 06 - 03:31 PM
Rapparee 26 Sep 06 - 03:07 PM
Amos 26 Sep 06 - 02:40 PM
Rapparee 26 Sep 06 - 01:49 PM
Rapparee 26 Sep 06 - 01:48 PM
Acme 26 Sep 06 - 01:21 PM
Amos 26 Sep 06 - 01:18 PM
Amos 26 Sep 06 - 01:14 PM
Rapparee 26 Sep 06 - 12:57 PM
MMario 26 Sep 06 - 11:36 AM
Amos 26 Sep 06 - 11:30 AM
Rapparee 26 Sep 06 - 11:18 AM
Amos 26 Sep 06 - 10:30 AM
Acme 26 Sep 06 - 10:08 AM
Rapparee 26 Sep 06 - 09:16 AM
Rapparee 26 Sep 06 - 09:15 AM
Amos 26 Sep 06 - 09:10 AM
Rapparee 26 Sep 06 - 09:04 AM
Rapparee 25 Sep 06 - 09:56 PM
JennyO 25 Sep 06 - 09:54 PM
Rapparee 25 Sep 06 - 07:10 PM
Rapparee 25 Sep 06 - 06:37 PM
Amos 25 Sep 06 - 05:23 PM
Amos 25 Sep 06 - 04:43 PM
Rapparee 25 Sep 06 - 04:16 PM
Bunnahabhain 25 Sep 06 - 03:56 PM
Rapparee 25 Sep 06 - 02:57 PM
Rapparee 25 Sep 06 - 02:47 PM
Acme 25 Sep 06 - 02:40 PM
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 27 Sep 06 - 04:15 PM

When dealing with them in the wild
Cover your ears with mittens;
But don't f**k with your embouchure
Or you'll have embouchurittens.
The little ones are awful cute,
As long as they stay little;
But as soon as they begin to toot,
You'll be awash in spittle.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bunnahabhain
Date: 27 Sep 06 - 04:05 PM

Out of what? I know I could do with some more milk, but I can only one think of one strike at the moment?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 27 Sep 06 - 03:58 PM

That's a nice little poem, Rapaire, indeed. And I am glad for your showing it to me. But you wouldna consider the poem a product of yours, would you? Much as I appreciate your fetching it over. By quality of product I did not mean pointers, or wholesale copies, of other folks' BS when, with a little more focus and effort, we can generate such loverly stuff of our own odour, if you see what I mean! :D

This poem, by contrast, smells like deodorant from a Big Roll-On product...


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 27 Sep 06 - 03:29 PM

"Quality of product" -- humph!

Grandeur>/b>
W. M. Letts

POOR Mary Byrne is dead,        
An' all the world may see        
Where she lies upon her bed        
Just as fine as quality.        

She lies there still and white,                 
With candles either hand        
That'll guard her through the night:        
Sure she never was so grand.        

She holds her rosary,        
Her hands clasped on her breast.        
Just as dacint as can be        
In the habit she's been dressed.        

In life her hands were red        
With every sort of toil,        
But they're white now she is dead,        
An' they've sorra mark of soil.        

The neighbours come and go,        
They kneel to say a prayer,        
I wish herself could know        
Of the way she's lyin' there.        

It was work from morn till night,        
And hard she earned her bread:        
But I'm thinking she's a right        
To be aisy now she's dead.        

When other girls were gay,        
At wedding or at fair,        
She'd be toiling all the day,        
Not a minyit could she spare.        

An' no one missed her face,        
Or sought her in a crowd,        
But to-day they throng the place        
Just to see her in her shroud.        

The creature in her life        
Drew trouble with each breath;        
She was just "poor Jim Byrne's wife"?        
But she's lovely in her death.        

I wish the dead could see        
The splendour of a wake,        
For it's proud herself would be        
Of the keening that they make.        

Och! little Mary Byrne,        
You welcome every guest,        
Is it now you take your turn        
To be merry with the rest?        

I'm thinking you'd be glad,        
Though the angels make your bed,        
Could you see the care we've had        
To respect you?now you're dead.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: John MacKenzie
Date: 27 Sep 06 - 02:47 PM

3 strikes and you're out!
G ☺


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 27 Sep 06 - 02:32 PM

I claim the privelege of long participation and quality of product.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: John MacKenzie
Date: 27 Sep 06 - 02:07 PM

You mean he's more of a cut below the rest, rather than a cut above?
Giok.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 27 Sep 06 - 01:49 PM

that's okay - he'll be hit with the hundred post barrier curse anyway - so why bother castrating castigating him?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: John MacKenzie
Date: 27 Sep 06 - 01:47 PM

I seem to remember a certain person castigating me for doing that, somewhere back along this road?
G.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 27 Sep 06 - 01:42 PM

To Fourteen-TWO!!!!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 27 Sep 06 - 01:41 PM

And brought Mom through...


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 27 Sep 06 - 01:41 PM

We've all been kind
And quite true-blue...


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 27 Sep 06 - 01:40 PM

We've moved ahead
We've pushed on through...


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 27 Sep 06 - 01:16 PM

Rise, MOAB - RISE!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 26 Sep 06 - 11:16 PM

I had a little emboucher
It's coat was silver-gray
And when it had emboucherettes
I knew I should have had it spayed.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 26 Sep 06 - 08:11 PM

I wrote the nicest poem about Rapaire's rupture in midair, but it was eaten by the Timing Monster that Lives Between the HTTP refreshes.

Now I can't remember it, but it was done. It even had embouchure in it, too.

Darn.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 26 Sep 06 - 05:54 PM

MOAB MOAB's where's it's at
And we ain't talkin' through our hat!!
Yay RAH!

(Ruptures self doing split in midair.)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: frogprince
Date: 26 Sep 06 - 04:36 PM

Moderation in all things, Y'know...


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 26 Sep 06 - 04:29 PM

averaging one post every 5000 or so ....wow. I admire your constraint!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: frogprince
Date: 26 Sep 06 - 04:18 PM

"For one thing you would have learned about other criteria than loudness with which to appraise musical quality."

Here goes my (third?) post on the little old MOAB.

The scene was in Canada, just above the Minnesota border, at a little rural church, forty years ago. A leading layman recorded a solo by a visiting performer, a young woman. He noted afterward that she was remarkably good, as evidenced by the fact that the level meters on the recorder were absolutely consistent throughout the performance.
I didn't bother to dispute with him about it....
   
                            Dean


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 26 Sep 06 - 04:01 PM

and you can't triple tongue on a guitar (without major injury).


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 26 Sep 06 - 03:31 PM

Another piece for your remedial Ed, amigo: there is nop "they" there, and there is no thought that is voiced by every body. Just because you can find an idea that makes other folks look wrong, does not mean that it makes you right.

And you can't do chords on a trumpet.   

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 26 Sep 06 - 03:07 PM

Trumpets can play anything guitars can, only better. Everybody says so. So there.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 26 Sep 06 - 02:40 PM

I see. Well, be sure and bring your amp.

I am very sorry you have decided the meeting in Salt Lake is more important than your remedial education. For one thing you would have learned about other criteria than loudness with which to appraise musical quality.

But perhaps that is a lesson for another day, or another lifetime.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 26 Sep 06 - 01:49 PM

My music is louder than your music! Nyah nyah nyah!

And I can't go to Getaway because I have a meeting in Salt Lake City!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 26 Sep 06 - 01:48 PM

I always raised my hand in class. If I didn't I'd have had to go to the bathroom on site, so to speak.

I'll betcha my acoustic trumpet is louder than you acoustic guitar! That means it can actually be heard in the cheap seats.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 26 Sep 06 - 01:21 PM

I'm listening to a radio program about the problems with homework--but in his instance, Rapaire, I think you'd better do the work and don't try to slip through the class without raising your hand.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 26 Sep 06 - 01:18 PM

On second thought, I really think you need to come to the Getaway. Since it only involves two vacation days (fewer if you fly back Sunday evening) your excuse about losing your job is probably bogus and holds no water. It is really important to your remedial Ed program that you do this. You have been missing out on a lot and this is a very good way to make up for lost time.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 26 Sep 06 - 01:14 PM

Moreover, guitars need electronic amplication to simply be heard....

Gee, Rapaire, I am really surprised, and I think we might have inadvertently discovered the root of some of your difficulties here on the Mudcat. As an introduction to your remedial education, there is a subject called folk music, and there is a class of instruments known as "acoustic". Please Google these two terms and get them well-defined, as a starting step.

Once you get these basic definitions cleared up, a lot of what goes on in the forum here will make much more sense to you.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 26 Sep 06 - 12:57 PM

There is a great deal of difference between the trumpet, the cornet, the flugelhorn and their relatives and that harbringer of war, the bugle. A bugle (keyed, for instance, in D# or Cb) cannot easily change its key. A bugle can only play the range of notes that the bugler can form with his or her emboucher. The valved brasses, on the other hand, have a range and an ambience far, far greater than that of any stringed instrument! Have you never heard Nocturn for Trumpet and Lute, the world-renowned work by JS Bach? Of Beethoven's Trumpet Carress or Brahmns' Lullabye for Brass?? Moreover, guitars need electronic amplication to simply be heard....


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 26 Sep 06 - 11:36 AM

It isn't written in the Bible that Joshua had folks parade around the walls of Jericho plucking their G-strings

Well, no , that part got cut out of the Bible - but I believe you find the story in the apocryphal 'Book of Jezabel' - right before her recipe for Pasta Putanesca.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 26 Sep 06 - 11:30 AM

Actually, you may be putting your finger on one of the fatal flaws of Western Civ there, amigo. Trumpets and their ancestors are traditionally the sounders of alarum and the rallying call to arms, the instruments of Mars and those who venerate the makers of war as the solution to difficult diplomatic issues. The Philisitines, the Israelites, the Mongols, Chinese, Greeks and Romans, the U.S. Cavalry, all brought out their shields and spears and sabers to the tune of the brass horn. Yes?

The guitar, now, is known for a different human art -- that of soft conversation and the promulgation of human affinity, comradeship, brotherhood, and yes, love between members of the species. Guitars softly sing, or when they get loud it is in support of songs like "We Shall Overcome". Guitars fuel the common jig and square dance, the pioneers reflective evening monologue and the cowboy's quiet time. They are about the quiet heroism that informs all men of good will and intelligence. The horns of war, contrariwise, are supporters of the banshee, the mongol, the Duke Nukems of the world, the shakers of swords and the rattlers of machinery, the instrument of choice for those who seek to overwhelm their kind rather than enlighten them.

In this life, you pays your money and you takes your choice. Me, I am a guitar player.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 26 Sep 06 - 11:18 AM

There are far more famous trumpeters than there are famous guitarists. People like Dizzy Gillespie and Miles Davis and the Archangel Gabriel and all them cats who blew with Joshua at Jericho.

It isn't written in the Bible that Joshua had folks parade around the walls of Jericho plucking their G-strings, ya know. And the End of the World ain't gonna be heralded by Gabe doin' a C#sus4 to C#min.

Nossir. The End is gonna be one Big Momma of a trumpet note. Maybe a whole buncha trumpet notes, like a G above the staff glissando to Bb or something.

One thing's fer sure though: it ain't gonna be made by no Martin or Gibson or Fender!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 26 Sep 06 - 10:30 AM

Aw, chill out, doooood! I know you trumpeters take blowing your own horns very seriously. But maybe this is not what was meant...ya think?


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 26 Sep 06 - 10:08 AM

I posted something but it doesn't seem to have stuck. Hmmm. Wish I could remember what I said.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 26 Sep 06 - 09:16 AM

Punish him, okay?

No, wait. He'd really, really like that.

Be nice to him. Bake him cookies.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 26 Sep 06 - 09:15 AM

MOM! Amos is being mean to me again!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 26 Sep 06 - 09:10 AM

Lessee. It takes you 19 hours to brag about trumpets. You cut and paste other people's stuff while others strive to compose something more worthy and original. You scald and bruise Mom and then you comlain about "doing all the heavy lifting". You, sirrah, are a goldbrick. A classic illustration of the old saw, "Ineptitude is the last refuge of the inexperienced....". OR whatever.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 26 Sep 06 - 09:04 AM

Oops. Sorry, Mom. It seems like I have to do all the heavy lifting around here. Sure hope that doesn't leave a nasty ol' bruise. Here, have some more tea. Oops. Sorry, Mom. Sure hope that doesn't leave a nasty ol' scar.

Maybe I'd better not try to help so much, huh?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 25 Sep 06 - 09:56 PM

Perhaps, in the interest of full disclosure, I should mention that I am again practicing my trumpet. Hopefully my long spate of dental work is now over and I can get back to what is really important.

A Song for St. Cecilia's Day, 1687
by John "Gutbucket" Dryden


From harmony, from heavenly harmony,        
      This universal frame began:        
When nature underneath a heap        
      Of jarring atoms lay,        
    And could not heave her head,                 
The tuneful voice was heard from high,        
    'Arise, ye more than dead!'        
Then cold, and hot, and moist, and dry,        
In order to their stations leap,        
    And Music's power obey.        
From harmony, from heavenly harmony,        
   This universal frame began:        
   From harmony to harmony        
Through all the compass of the notes it ran,        
The diapason closing full in Man.        

What passion cannot Music raise and quell?        
    When Jubal struck the chorded shell,        
His listening brethren stood around,        
    And, wondering, on their faces fell        
To worship that celestial sound:        
Less than a God they thought there could not dwell        
    Within the hollow of that shell,        
    That spoke so sweetly, and so well.        
What passion cannot Music raise and quell?        

The trumpet's loud clangour        
      Excites us to arms,        
    With shrill notes of anger,        
      And mortal alarms.        
The double double double beat        
      Of the thundering drum        
      Cries Hark! the foes come;        
Charge, charge, 'tis too late to retreat!        

    The soft complaining flute,        
    In dying notes, discovers        
    The woes of hopeless lovers,        
Whose dirge is whisper'd by the warbling lute.        

    Sharp violins proclaim        
Their jealous pangs and desperation,        
Fury, frantic indignation,        
Depth of pains, and height of passion,        
    For the fair, disdainful dame.        

    But O, what art can teach,        
    What human voice can reach,        
      The sacred organ's praise?        
    Notes inspiring holy love,        
Notes that wing their heavenly ways        
    To mend the choirs above.        

Orpheus could lead the savage race;        
And trees unrooted left their place,        
    Sequacious of the lyre;        
But bright Cecilia rais'd the wonder higher:        
When to her organ vocal breath was given,        
An angel heard, and straight appear'd        
    Mistaking Earth for Heaven.        

GRAND CHORUS.

As from the power of sacred lays        
The spheres began to move,        
And sung the great Creator's praise        
To all the Blest above;        
So when the last and dreadful hour        
This crumbling pageant shall devour,        
The trumpet shall be heard on high,        
The dead shall live, the living die,        
And Music shall untune the sky!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: JennyO
Date: 25 Sep 06 - 09:54 PM

Rapaire said 'trumpeters rule'. Congratulations on that very long well-held note! Has anybody bought you that drink yet? Here's one - hope you like Guinness (_)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 25 Sep 06 - 07:10 PM

Children of the Mother of All! you shall yet be victorious!        
You shall yet laugh to scorn the attacks of all the remainder of the earth.                 

No danger shall balk MOAB's lovers;        
If need be, a thousand shall sternly immolate themselves for one.
        

                        -- Junior Whitman, Joints of Grass
                           (Haight-Ashbury: Stoner Publications, 1966)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 25 Sep 06 - 06:37 PM

Let there be no moaning at the Bar
When I am all at sea.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 25 Sep 06 - 05:23 PM

Oh, I was remiss and mistaken and wrong. There was no attack, which is why I did not detect one. I withdraw my machismo ramblings herewith.

To make it up to anyone who was miffed by them, I hereby provide you with complete instructions for transiting the Panama Canal. Well...ya never know!


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 25 Sep 06 - 04:43 PM

Enough! Let's carve this poltroon up!
And serve him up as venison!
He's not content to steal from trash,
But now impugns Lord Tennyson!!
Oh, wicked sloth, oh, shadowed mind!
How dark the soul that wed it!
Why canst thou not, in simple lines
Give good and simple credit?

(Ya know, I hate it when people are so scared of me that won't even let me know when they are attacking, It really ruins the game. Some folks are just too subtle for words, and their subtleties pull them right down off the ole radar.) Nihil est quid nihil facit, I always say.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 25 Sep 06 - 04:16 PM

My good blade carves the casques of men,        
My tough lance thrusteth sure,        
My strength is as the strength of ten,        
Because my heart is pure.        
The shattering trumpet shrilleth high,              
The hard brands shiver on the steel,        
The splinter'd spear-shafts crack and fly,        
The horse and rider reel:        
They reel, they roll in clanging lists,        
And when the tide of combat stands,              
Perfume and flowers fall in showers,        
And I go stand upon my hands.

How sweet are looks that ladies bend        
On whom their favors fall!        
For them I battle till the end,              
To save from shame and thrall:        
But all my heart is drawn above,        
My knees are bow'd in crypt and shrine:        
I never felt the kiss of love,        
Nor maiden's hand in mine.              
More bounteous aspects on me beam,        
Me mightier transports move and thrill;        
So keep I fair thro' faith and prayer        
A virgin heart -- this makes me ill.        

When down the stormy crescent goes,              
A light before me swims,        
Between dark stems the forest glows,        
I hear a noise of hymns:        
Then by some secret shrine I ride;        
I hear a voice, but none are there;              
The stalls are void, the doors are wide,        
The tapers burning fair.        
Fair gleams the snowy altar-cloth,        
The silver vessels sparkle, gleam,        
The shrill bell rings, the censer swings,              
For I have found a public toilet CLEAN!        

Sometimes on lonely mountain-meres        
I find a magic bark;        
I leap on board: no helmsman steers:        
I float till all is dark.              
A gentle sound, an awful light!        
Three angels bear the holy Grail:        
With folded feet, in stoles of white,        
On sleeping wings they fail.        
Ah, blessed vision! Blood of God!              
My spirit seeks some seedy bars,        
As down dark throats the whisky floats,        
And I finish many jars.        

When on my goodly charger borne        
Thro' dreaming towns I go,              
The cock crows ere the Christmas morn,        
The streets are full of snow.        
The tempest crackles on the leads,        
And soaks my rusting helm and mail;        
But o'er the dark a glory spreads,              
And gilds the driving hail.        
I leave the plain, I climb the height;        
No branchy thicket shelter yields;        
But bird-like forms in whistling storms        
Fly o'er and drop used food on me.              

A maiden knight ? to me is given        
Such hope, I know not fear;        
I yearn to breathe the airs of heaven        
That often meet me here.        
I muse on joy that will not cease,              
Pure spaces cloth'd in living beams,        
Pure lilies of eternal peace,        
Whose odors haunt my dreams;        
And, stricken by an angel's hand,        
This mortal armor that I wear,              
This weight and size, this heart and eyes,        
The trap-door's rusted shut, I fear.        

The clouds are broken in the sky,        
And thro' the mountain-plat        
A rolling organ-harmony              
Swells up, off-key and flat.        
Then move the trees, the copses nod,        
Wings flutter, voices hover clear:        
"O just and faithful knight of God!        
Ride on! the jakes are near."              
So pass I outhouse, loo, and latrine,        
By bridge and ford, by park and pale,        
Cross-legg'ed I ride, whate'er betide,        
For I must find a urinal.

                   Al, Fred's Lard's ten songs winner, 1885.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bunnahabhain
Date: 25 Sep 06 - 03:56 PM

In rough terms, it just took Rapiere 19 hours to say 'trumpets rule'. If you can hold a few notes that long then you dseserves a prize, and a drink....


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 25 Sep 06 - 02:57 PM

Just ask Barky if you don't believe it.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 25 Sep 06 - 02:47 PM

ule!!!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 25 Sep 06 - 02:40 PM

Okay. All is clear. There was some close-to-the-vest cross-thread (in the non-hardware sense) stuff going on. Amos was the target--isn't that often the case?

Whatever happened to Rapaire's trumpet?


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