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BS: The Mother of all BS threads

Rapparee 23 Mar 04 - 11:56 AM
Bee-dubya-ell 23 Mar 04 - 11:26 AM
Amos 23 Mar 04 - 10:59 AM
Bee-dubya-ell 23 Mar 04 - 10:51 AM
Bee-dubya-ell 23 Mar 04 - 10:50 AM
Amos 23 Mar 04 - 09:10 AM
Rapparee 23 Mar 04 - 08:55 AM
Amos 22 Mar 04 - 11:44 AM
Rapparee 21 Mar 04 - 08:42 PM
Amos 21 Mar 04 - 08:17 PM
Amos 21 Mar 04 - 11:52 AM
GUEST,Shlio 21 Mar 04 - 11:14 AM
Amos 21 Mar 04 - 10:28 AM
Bee-dubya-ell 21 Mar 04 - 10:13 AM
Rapparee 21 Mar 04 - 09:56 AM
Bee-dubya-ell 21 Mar 04 - 08:19 AM
Amos 21 Mar 04 - 12:33 AM
Acme 21 Mar 04 - 12:31 AM
GUEST,Dee Keednappers 20 Mar 04 - 11:18 PM
Rapparee 20 Mar 04 - 10:48 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 20 Mar 04 - 09:29 PM
Little Hawk 20 Mar 04 - 08:02 PM
Rapparee 20 Mar 04 - 07:39 PM
Amos 20 Mar 04 - 10:55 AM
GUEST,Dee Keednappers 20 Mar 04 - 10:31 AM
Rapparee 20 Mar 04 - 10:12 AM
Tweed 20 Mar 04 - 09:13 AM
GUEST,Shlio 20 Mar 04 - 06:52 AM
GUEST,Shlio 20 Mar 04 - 06:40 AM
Amos 19 Mar 04 - 06:20 PM
Rapparee 19 Mar 04 - 06:13 PM
Amos 19 Mar 04 - 03:03 PM
Amos 19 Mar 04 - 02:59 PM
Rapparee 19 Mar 04 - 12:21 PM
Little Hawk 19 Mar 04 - 11:56 AM
Rapparee 19 Mar 04 - 11:20 AM
Amos 19 Mar 04 - 09:55 AM
Rapparee 19 Mar 04 - 08:45 AM
Rustic Rebel 19 Mar 04 - 03:04 AM
Rapparee 18 Mar 04 - 04:54 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 18 Mar 04 - 12:51 PM
Amos 18 Mar 04 - 10:39 AM
Rapparee 18 Mar 04 - 08:40 AM
Amos 17 Mar 04 - 08:03 PM
Rapparee 17 Mar 04 - 06:39 PM
Amos 17 Mar 04 - 12:57 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 17 Mar 04 - 12:46 PM
Amos 17 Mar 04 - 11:59 AM
Amos 17 Mar 04 - 08:59 AM
Rapparee 17 Mar 04 - 08:53 AM
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 23 Mar 04 - 11:56 AM

Mayhap, Bee-Dubya, it's because some of us Moabites don't know HTML and really don't want to learn it?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 23 Mar 04 - 11:26 AM

My problem's not with my face folding, but with it stretching. My face used to end about 1 1/2" above my eyebrows, where it met my hairline. Then it began stretching. Unfortunately, as the face stretched the head itself didn't grow to accomodate more face. So, that hairline just kept being pushed further and further back. Now, my face extends back a full 10" from my eyebrows.

Meanwhile, a lot of that displaced hair seems to have migrated to the lower part of my face, but that's another story.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 23 Mar 04 - 10:59 AM

Foldface is a new wrinkle on typography, appropriate for aging boomers all over the land who have first-hand experience with their faces folding more and more each year.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 23 Mar 04 - 10:51 AM

Don't ask me what in the buck "foldface" type is.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 23 Mar 04 - 10:50 AM

I have noticed that I seem to be the only MOABite who has held to the convention of using boldface type when typing MOAB or Mother of all BS threads. Emboldening the holy name of this thread (as was done by the Prophet khandu on MOAB Day One) indicates a level of reverance above and beyond that of those who simply type "MOAB".

Now, I don't have any problem with you let's-do-it-the-easy-way backsliders being too lazy to type an extra seven keystrokes if that's the extent of your faith, but I personally wish to proclaim the name of MOAB boldly.

Yes, you can call be a MOAB fundamentalist if you wish. It's the truth. I don't deny it. And I challenge you to join me. Yes, to join me under the MOAB Revival Tent. Stand up and say, "I'm a MOABite and proud of it! And I will always refer to our MOAB in foldface type! Now hand me one of those snakes!"


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 23 Mar 04 - 09:10 AM

(Sings)Venn the veil made shtrike
Undt der line paid out
Undt der veil made a blunder mitt her tail.....


I refuse to engage in More Meaningless Machinations Making More Mealymouth Overblown Acronyms, Brother! (MMMMMMOAB!)


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 23 Mar 04 - 08:55 AM

No, no, Amos! MOAB has taken the veil! You may now refer to Mother as Merry Mother Mary MOAB, SDF.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 22 Mar 04 - 11:44 AM

MOAB pentrates the Veil? Wow. (I love that idea -- one of my favorite conceits is that our laughter ripples through the Universe of the Spirits and shifts the fate of nations by lightening things up a bit at the Source). So here's to you, Rick -- you always made things lighter!

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 21 Mar 04 - 08:42 PM

Damned straight, Amos. But I'd like to think that MOAB's and Mudcat's reach extends to Rick even now.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 21 Mar 04 - 08:17 PM

Death is a place where even MOAB's reach will not avail and all the laughter stills; there is no BS like the cosmic crap that says Rick Fielding has to go be someone else, and we take the loss of it. Now that, friends, is BS. I protest it to my shoes.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 21 Mar 04 - 11:52 AM

There ya go. Shlio-who-is-not-Shhilo has aspoken!

Let it be so!!

Shatner's outta here and Khandu is on his long wayback to MOAB!!

Hurray for Khanduuuu!

Down with Shatner!!

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Shlio
Date: 21 Mar 04 - 11:14 AM

Personally I would be happy to sacrifice Shatner to get Khandu back. Heck, I'd give Shatner away even if Khandu hadn't been kidnapped.

But not Dylan, okay?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 21 Mar 04 - 10:28 AM

Lenin would've just been another wanker.
         



Which indeed would have changed very little.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 21 Mar 04 - 10:13 AM

Khandu does these periodic disappearing acts so the rest of us can entertain ourselves by making up goofy shit about his whereabouts. Truly a mark of enlightened royalty - making sure the rabble has something to do other than staging revolts. If the Romanovs had only invented the Internet and given away free memberships to "Asian Babes with Big Bazoongas" Lenin would've just been another wanker.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 21 Mar 04 - 09:56 AM

Hey, did you all know that with this posting MOAB will be closing in on 2,400 posts? And just spittin' distance from 2,500? Khandu would be sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo proud, if he could be found.

Maybe he's no longer alive! We could have one helluva funeral!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 21 Mar 04 - 08:19 AM

Khandu plays guitar better than Bob Dylan or William Shatner. Khandu sings better than Bob Dylan or William Shatner. Only problem is khandu is a fan of both Bob Dylan and William Shatner so he probably wouldn't want either one of them to sacrifice on his behalf. Maybe the kidnappers would be amenable to further negotiations. Let's offer 'em Keith Richard. Hell, by all rights he should have been dead years ago so it wouldn't be a great loss.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 21 Mar 04 - 12:33 AM

Shatner's the best deal.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 21 Mar 04 - 12:31 AM

If we give you 11 million, will you keep him?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Dee Keednappers
Date: 20 Mar 04 - 11:18 PM

Jou sheetbirds only weesh wee had your Keeng khandu een Toleedo, Spain! Sorry, but jou guessed wrong! Ees Toleedo, Ohio! Ees reely dee asshole of dee Junited States. Maybee dee asshole of dee whole fookin' world. Great place to keep asshole like khandu!

Hokay! Here's dee deal. Wee want ten meelion of jour US dollars to geeve thees khandu prick back to jou. Eef jou cannot come up with ten meelion dollars, wee might consider a hostage exchange. Wee will geeve khandu to jou if jou weel give us William Shatner or Bob Deelan in exchange. Ees fair deel, no?

Seegnal jour acceptance of our terms by typing the word "uncle" someplace in dee next ten posts to thees thread.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 20 Mar 04 - 10:48 PM

Yeah, I'll go to the one in Spain. As far as I know I've never been to Spain. Can we snag a C-141 Starlifter? I'll bring the whole Idaho Legion if we can. They've never been to Spain either, although they do frequent some Mexican restaurants and drink tequila (well, they do -- they also drink paint thinner, squeeze Sterno, and make their own from ingredients I can't bring myself to describe).


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 20 Mar 04 - 09:29 PM

Errrr... Judging from the accents of the kidnappers, it may be possible that our King is being held in Toledo Spain! No way to know for certain until they place their ransom demands, but if it is Toledo, Spain, I'll go. I've never been to Spain, but I kinda like the music. They say the ladies are insane there, and they sure know how to use it. They don't abuse it. Never gonna lose it. I can't refuse it.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 20 Mar 04 - 08:02 PM

Yeah. Ohio is the state that contains Spaw. Avoid the place, I say! However, to save Khandu I would be willing to go almost anywhere. But not Schenectady. Or Blind River.

- LH


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 20 Mar 04 - 07:39 PM

I dunno if it's worth going to Toledo to save Khandu. I mean, LA or Manhattan would be bad enough, but Toledo?

Unless it's not the one in Ohio?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 20 Mar 04 - 10:55 AM

Khandu? Has he been away????

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Dee Keednappers
Date: 20 Mar 04 - 10:31 AM

Si, jou eempeerialeest Yankee scum! Wee hab jour Keeng khandu! Ees not een no steenkin' Cleeveland though, jou dumbass buncha Greengo twits! Ees een fookin' Toleedo! Jou weel never find heem!

We weel advize jou of our ransom deemands for thees worthless sack of Meessisseeppee sheet een our next post. Start savin' jour pesos jou buncha broke-deek assholes or jou weel never see jour Keeng ageen!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 20 Mar 04 - 10:12 AM

Tweed, could he be being held hostage at the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame?

Surely he wouldn't go there voluntarily.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Tweed
Date: 20 Mar 04 - 09:13 AM

Yore right,Shlyoo abouf the BS rollin' around like the tide. It coats the shoreline obv Mudcat with foam an' froff and obv coars ef yore mama's name iz Benito Juarez then I guess yore right about Mother's day bein' tomorrow too!

Welcome to MOAB, Where nobobby gits out alive....except for Khing Khnawbag hizzelf. He haz made himself unusurly scarce obv late an' I fear he hav been khidnapped off to Cleveland or somewhar equarly obvscur.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Shlio
Date: 20 Mar 04 - 06:52 AM

And a reminder - Mother's Day tomorrow


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Shlio
Date: 20 Mar 04 - 06:40 AM

And still the BS comes pourin' out.

I thought Khandu was trying to be a kinda physician, applying MOAB leeches to the cat to draw the BS out. But the leeches are gorgin' and can't be detached...And still the BS keeps comin'.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 19 Mar 04 - 06:20 PM

I'm witchoo, pal -- we oughta adopt the slogan:

MOAB--
We Do Humility Right!!!




A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 19 Mar 04 - 06:13 PM

Amos, you know that I'm proud of my humility.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 19 Mar 04 - 03:03 PM

For those of you who are easily intimidated by Morphemes of Mass Destruction, I offer the follow:

Anapsid: primitive reptile having no opening in the temporal region of the skull; all extinct except turtles

(www.cogsci.princeton.edu/cgi-bin/webwn)

Now, Rapaire, even the most solipsistic creation must have some purpose in its invention, and mine is to remind you of the benefits of humility and the bloody terrors of Hubris. How do I know this? That's how you invented me to know.

So tread softly good friend, lest you make my task burdensome, strenuous, or even bloody. This may bring a whole new dimension to the phrase "shoot self in foot".

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 19 Mar 04 - 02:59 PM

For those of you who are easily intimidated by Morphemes of Mass Destruction, I offer the follow:

Anapsid: primitive reptile having no opening in the temporal region of the skull; all extinct except turtles

(www.cogsci.princeton.edu/cgi-bin/webwn)

Now, Rapaire, even the most solipsistic creation must have some purpose in its invention, and mine is to remind you of the benefits of humility and the bloody terrors of Hubris. How do I know this? That's how you invented me to know.

So tread softly good friend, lest you make my task burdensome, strenuous, or even bloody. This may bring a whole new dimension to the phrase "shoot self in foot".

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 19 Mar 04 - 12:21 PM

I created William Shatner. And yes, I'm ashamed.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 19 Mar 04 - 11:56 AM

Would ANY of us exist without William Shatner?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 19 Mar 04 - 11:20 AM

Aw, Amos, you describe me to a tee. I kinda like bein' a minicephalic narssisic idiosyncratic solipsist. So that being the case, don't forget that without me you don't exist.

Thank whatever gods may be I'm not anapsid! I still have an open mind!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 19 Mar 04 - 09:55 AM

Geeze Rapaire! First you threaten to give away your own sister to these pinkos. Then you threaten to send me to them, without any prior consultation or consent. This verges on the narcissistic!! Not to mention idiosyncratic, minicephalic solipsism! Do you know how much it would cost you to send me? I ain't cheap, but I always deliver. :>)

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 19 Mar 04 - 08:45 AM

RR, I've been getting email like that recently....

If it would keep 'em away from me, I'd send 'em Amos. That'd fix 'em up good, lemme tell ya. Or better yet, Spaw.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rustic Rebel
Date: 19 Mar 04 - 03:04 AM

Oh Rapaire, do not denounce your blood for either of the, blood sucking , non-orgasmic- re-introducing the pig blood-into your exisence, mother flogging, want to get into your pantaloom, matriarch nipple sucking, clan, from the other side of being altruismly really wanting to suck on the patriarchal tit.


Spelling doesn't count tonight for me just get my drift okay?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 18 Mar 04 - 04:54 PM

I'll GIVE them my sister! As long as they don't come after me I'll even give 'em my brothers!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 18 Mar 04 - 12:51 PM

Like many other genetically inherited diseases, Republicanism often skips a generation. Many Democratic children of Republican parents have been deluded into thinking that the chain was broken - that the family curse had been exorcised - only to have their own children grow up to be flagrant Republicans.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 18 Mar 04 - 10:39 AM

If we let them marry, they may come after our sisters. This has got to be stopped. The editors of NURTURE are a bunch of pinko faggot commy bastards.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 18 Mar 04 - 08:40 AM

Just discovered:

Scientists discover that Republicanism is hereditary....

The discovery that affiliation with the Republican Party is genetically determined was announced by scientists in the current issue of the journal NURTURE, causing uproar among traditionalists who believe it is a chosen lifestyle.

Reports of the gene coding for political conservatism, discovered after a decades-long study of quintuplets in Orange County, CA, has sent shock waves through the medical, political, and golfing communities.

Psychologists and psychoanalysts have long believed that Republicans'
unnatural disregard for the poor and frequently unconstitutional tendencies resulted from dysfunctional family dynamics -- a remarkably high percentage of Republicans do have authoritarian domineering fathers and emotionally distant mothers who didn't teach them how to be kind and gentle.

Biologists have long suspected that conservatism is inherited. "After all,"said one author of the NURTURE article, "It's quite common for a Republican to have a brother or sister who is a Republican." The finding has been greeted with relief by Parents and Friends of Republicans (PFREP), who sometimes blame themselves for the political views of otherwise lovable children, family, and unindicted co-conspirators.

One mother, a longtime Democrat, wept and clapped her hands in ecstasy on hearing of the findings. "I just knew it was genetic," she said, seated with her two sons, both avowed Republicans. "My boys would never freely choose that lifestyle!" When asked what the Republican lifestyle was, she said, "You can just tell watching their conventions in Houston and San Diego on TV: the flaming xenophobia, flamboyant demagogy, disdain for anyone not rich, you know."

Both sons had suspected their Republicanism from an early age but did not confirm it until they were in college, when they became convinced it wasn't just a phase they were going through.

The NURTURE article offered no response to the suggestion that the high incidence of Republicanism among siblings could result from their sharing not only genes but also psychological and emotional attitude as products of the same parents and family dynamics.

A remaining mystery is why many Democrats admit to having voted Republican at least once -- or often dream or fantasize about doing so. Polls show that three out of five adult Democrats have had a Republican experience, although most outgrow teenage experimentation with Republicanism.

Some Republicans hail the findings as a step toward eliminating
conservophobia. They argue that since Republicans didn't "choose" their lifestyle any more than someone "chooses" to have a ski-jump nose, they shouldn't be denied civil rights which other minorities enjoy.

If conservatism is not the result of stinginess or orneriness (typical
stereotypes attributed to Republicans) but is something Republicans can't help, there's no reason why society shouldn't tolerate Republicans in the military or even high elected office -- provided they don't flaunt their political beliefs.

For many Americans, the discovery opens a window on a different future. In a few years, gene therapy might eradicate Republicanism altogether.

But should they be allowed to marry?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 17 Mar 04 - 08:03 PM

OK, ok -- I tale it back. You guys are arguably NOT the best on the Whole PLanet. Or the whole planet. It is much too complex.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 17 Mar 04 - 06:39 PM

Watch it with the multi-grain bread, Amos. According to the American Heritage Dictionary (Fruit: 1a The ripened ovary or ovaries of a seed-bearing plant, together with accessory parts, containing the seeds and occurring in a wide variety of forms. b. An edible, usually sweet and fleshy form of such a structure. c. A part or an amount of such a plant product, served as food: fruit for dessert. 2. The fertile, often spore-bearing structure of a plant that does not bear seeds.) each loaf might actually be a fruit.

And if the Holeians did what they do to poor ol' Bee-Dubya...no, I hope that they did not.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 17 Mar 04 - 12:57 PM

Sorry, BWL -- I meant "this whole planet". The Whole Planet is something else -- it is where 7-grain bread comes from, I think.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 17 Mar 04 - 12:46 PM

I beg your pardon, Amos! I, personally, am from the Planet Earth. I have never even visited the Whole Planet. Err... To the best of my knowledge, that is. Memories relative to some of those alien abductions are a bit foggy so it's possible I have been to the Whole Planet and simply don't recall it. Or maybe the Wholeians intentionally blocked the memory. Soldered a few synapses shut and such. I can't imagine why, though. What could there possibly be about the Whole Planet that they wouldn't want people to remember....

OH MY GOD!!!!


I remember something about it now! It's not the Whole Planet! It's the Hole Planet! It's where the anal probers come from! The little green fuckers who stick their nefarious devices up unsuspecting abductees assholes!

AAAARRRRGGGGHHH!!!!


I think I'll go lie down now.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 17 Mar 04 - 11:59 AM

This thread is an absolute crackup. You guys are arguably among the best people on the Whole Planet.

Love,

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 17 Mar 04 - 08:59 AM

Aw, dear RR -- I love you too, but dinna be ensorcelled by the letters on your screen!! I have bad habts!

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 17 Mar 04 - 08:53 AM

Botanically, pumpkins are fruit.


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