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BS: The Mother of all BS threads

Amos 06 May 17 - 07:26 AM
Bee-dubya-ell 06 May 17 - 05:30 AM
Acme 05 May 17 - 11:43 PM
Rapparee 05 May 17 - 08:50 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 05 May 17 - 06:16 PM
gnu 05 May 17 - 11:40 AM
Rapparee 05 May 17 - 08:35 AM
Bee-dubya-ell 05 May 17 - 05:56 AM
Acme 04 May 17 - 10:41 PM
gnu 04 May 17 - 09:29 PM
Rapparee 01 May 17 - 03:49 PM
keberoxu 01 May 17 - 12:21 PM
Rapparee 01 May 17 - 08:47 AM
Rapparee 01 May 17 - 08:45 AM
Rapparee 01 May 17 - 08:43 AM
keberoxu 30 Apr 17 - 05:01 PM
Donuel 30 Apr 17 - 09:27 AM
gnu 29 Apr 17 - 10:44 PM
Rapparee 29 Apr 17 - 08:46 PM
Acme 29 Apr 17 - 06:48 PM
Acme 28 Apr 17 - 08:42 PM
Rapparee 28 Apr 17 - 08:30 PM
gnu 28 Apr 17 - 02:17 PM
Donuel 28 Apr 17 - 12:03 PM
Acme 28 Apr 17 - 11:42 AM
Donuel 28 Apr 17 - 11:30 AM
Rapparee 28 Apr 17 - 10:03 AM
gnu 27 Apr 17 - 02:31 PM
Rapparee 27 Apr 17 - 01:17 PM
keberoxu 27 Apr 17 - 12:34 PM
Rapparee 27 Apr 17 - 09:06 AM
Donuel 26 Apr 17 - 09:28 PM
gnu 26 Apr 17 - 08:31 PM
Acme 26 Apr 17 - 07:25 PM
Rapparee 26 Apr 17 - 05:58 PM
Donuel 26 Apr 17 - 03:37 PM
keberoxu 26 Apr 17 - 02:26 PM
Acme 26 Apr 17 - 12:57 PM
Donuel 26 Apr 17 - 12:38 PM
Donuel 26 Apr 17 - 11:11 AM
Rapparee 25 Apr 17 - 01:48 PM
Rapparee 24 Apr 17 - 10:11 PM
Donuel 24 Apr 17 - 10:09 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 24 Apr 17 - 12:33 PM
Rapparee 23 Apr 17 - 09:25 PM
gnu 23 Apr 17 - 09:24 PM
Donuel 23 Apr 17 - 08:57 PM
Amos 23 Apr 17 - 08:47 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 22 Apr 17 - 11:34 PM
Rapparee 22 Apr 17 - 10:14 PM
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 06 May 17 - 07:26 AM

When in disgrace with fortune and men's eyes
I all alone beweep my outcast state,
And trouble deaf heaven with my bootless cries,
And look upon myself, and curse my fate,
Wishing me like to one more rich in hope,
Featured like him, like him with friends possessed,
Desiring this man's art, and that man's scope,
With what I most enjoy contented least;
Yet in these thoughts my self almost despising,
Haply I think on thee, and then my state,
Like to the lark at break of day arising
From sullen earth, sings hymns at heaven's gate;
   For thy sweet love remembered such wealth brings
   That then I scorn to change my state with kings.

Wm Shakespeare, Sonnet 29.


Hi, Mom! What a week. Last weekend we drove five hours into the remote fastnesses of West Virginia where a quaint and warm country inn welcomed a gang of folkies seeking respite from the chaos of the Beltway. Lovely long weekend of song. Tuesday night an open mic, Thursday night a song circle, days doing house tasks, painting and such here and there. Next week the Skipper and his lady come down from the remote urban fastness of Portland, Maine to visit for a week. Dani and Janie and we have put our heads together to plan something. On the 11th we will drive plumb across NC to visit Chance and Suzette and Steve Cormier, cowboy singer par excellence. No telling what we might encounter on a junket like that!

Apologies for my absence of late. The days just keep ticking by. You know how it is.

It looks like I may have to repost my "Ballad of the Goddamned Plagiarist" poem for Mom. She always gets a kick out of it.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 06 May 17 - 05:30 AM

Mom's sleeping on Max's porch and eating sandwiches was just a dream. A dream that seemed intensely real due to the altered state of consciousness induced by rolling in deer innards. Think Coleridge, laudanum, and "Kubla Khan", but substitute Mom, deer guts, and Max's porch.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 05 May 17 - 11:43 PM

How did MOM stray from sleeping on Max's porch and eating sandwiches to wandering off to roll in putrid deer innards? Someone contributing here seems to have an agenda.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 05 May 17 - 08:50 PM

My late little brother told me about dressing out a deer that was strung up on his sons' swing set. Everything went well, the meat was cut and stored in the freezer and a locker, and then he had to get rid of the garbage bag with the "remains." He loaded it into his car and went down to where the City parked the garbage trucks. He unloaded the bag and put it in the back of one of the trucks...and a leg bone fell out. He said that at midnight, in a dark parking area, when you're putting a bag of guts into a garbage truck, a deer femur looks remarkably like a human one. And he was very happy that there were no cops witnessing it!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 05 May 17 - 06:16 PM

Around here, we have a plethora of hunters idiots who think the proper way to dispose of what's left of a deer after cleaning is to toss it all in the back of a truck and dump it on the side of the road far enough away that it's somebody else's problem. The practice guarantees that any dog who wanders away from home for an hour or so will return stinking to both high and low heavens. It's usually a good idea to stock up on dog shampoo a few weeks before hunting season starts.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 05 May 17 - 11:40 AM

Minds me a Duke. Beagle. We'd go huntin and that dawg would run straight for the cows. He'd roll in fresh cow shit til he was covered with it. Ol' Man Mullvahill would laugh his arse off and Dad would swear his ass off. Dad always had newspapers in the trunk. He'd wrap Duke up, sit him on the floor in back, and say "DON'T MOVE!!!!" We'd get home and Dad would put Duke on his chain. Then he'd put the hose on Duke, step on Duke's chain, slowly walk on the chain while Duke lurched to keep on his perfume, and stop about four feet away, all the time sayin "DON'T MOVE!!!!"

I took a shower today. I do every Cinco de Mayo.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 05 May 17 - 08:35 AM

MOM!! Thank heavens you're okay! When we couldn't fin...what's that odor? Long dead deer innards? Mom, have you been hanging out with Bee-Dubya-Ell? We've told you and told you that he'd rub off on you! Yes, I know he's "one of your kids" and you love him in spite of his swamp miasma! What? You're telling me that Amos now smells the same way since he's moved to the South? Oh, NO! People will think that the MOABites stink up their little corner of the world! Okay, okay, I'll say it:

OKAY, MOM SAYS EVERYONE TAKES A BATH RIGHT NOW!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 05 May 17 - 05:56 AM

Oh, no! While we were away, Mom got bored and wandered off into the woods where she found a pile of rotten deer guts to roll in! Somebody's gonna have to give her a bath!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 04 May 17 - 10:41 PM

What a strange dream - MOM found herself face down in the turf (next to a beautiful azalea in full bloom) in Max's back yard. It seems between wind, rain, and falling trees, she was hidden and then staggered around for a while before one of the kids found her and led her to the porch to settle down on the big swing. She ate sandwiches, drank tea, and slept on that swing until the power came back on.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 04 May 17 - 09:29 PM

Power failure in the litter box has been scratched. MOM! ARE YOU OKAY?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 01 May 17 - 03:49 PM

A triple pallet load, taken into the driveway pad by one (1) forklift load. I'm glad I didn't have to help unload it!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: keberoxu
Date: 01 May 17 - 12:21 PM

Imperial Rex rocks, rolls, and rules.
Happy MAY Calenda, everyone.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 01 May 17 - 08:47 AM

Well, it's a good thing I awakened, that's all I've got to say! Saved MOM by the skin of her teeth.

Today the decking is supposed to be delivered.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 01 May 17 - 08:45 AM

WHAT! MOM!!!!! You were less than twelve hours from falling!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 01 May 17 - 08:43 AM

Huh? Wha?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: keberoxu
Date: 30 Apr 17 - 05:01 PM

WAKE UP RAPPAREE

you have dibs, not on THIS post, but on a post really close after this one


Acme, good for you for getting yourself, frog legs and all, outta that pot of hot water.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Donuel
Date: 30 Apr 17 - 09:27 AM

Sappy be damned, good for you. An excellent patient and GP are often more open than specialists. Too many of us will dismiss real symptoms to aging. Even fewer of us have advanced research skills.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 29 Apr 17 - 10:44 PM

I am glad a proper diagnosis has been made and you can start to manage the problem(s). I wish you all the best with this. I'll stop before I get sappy. You take care of you.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 29 Apr 17 - 08:46 PM

Since the treatment for PMR involves the use of corticosteroids you probably won't be eligible for the Olympics or other things like that. Try to take it in stride and know that there are others who are also not eligible for medical reasons.

Seriously, be careful with those steroids. You can feel great and really overdo, and prednisone can make it easier to tear a tendon. Don't let the possibilities stop you from taking medicine.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 29 Apr 17 - 06:48 PM

It dawns on me that since here on MOM's front porch and/or saggy-chaired living room sofa and love seat we've seen accounts of tons of surgeries and everything but Rap's x-rays, we've heard about gnu's tests and Amos's tooth travails, that I might drop in a note that isn't a broad-based announcement, but it answers questions I've had for months now and is the reason my garden is so late this year. (If it wasn't for the garden I wouldn't say anything.) PMR is the diagnosis I learned from early April, and it is a relief to have treatment after nearly a year of gradually increasing muscle pain. At least I know what to expect of the treatment; prior to this I didn't have a clue as to what was going on. I was assertive with my GP (whose tests were good, but showed nothing - the inflammation doesn't always show up), I did more research and asked to see a rheumatologist. After the "ah-ha" moment that something actually was wrong I knew what it was before I went in because I have a graduate degree and I work in a research library - I can Google Boolean keywords with the best of them. But I didn't tell the doctor what I thought it was, I made sure I described all of my symptoms precisely. And she confirmed my suspicions. Talk about the frog in the pot of hot water - it took me a long time to finally decide there was more than just aging happening.

I feel much better now.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 28 Apr 17 - 08:42 PM

Revealing? Well, Mark Spitz might be jealous, but Michael Phelps . . . pardon me while I swoon for a few minutes. . .


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 28 Apr 17 - 08:30 PM

After much, much research in libraries all over Canada I was able to locate a photograph of our very own gnu in a Speedo. Yes, he was a little younger then, but nonetheless it's him! You can tell! Yes, the Speedo is a tad revealing, but....


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 28 Apr 17 - 02:17 PM

FRESH greenie beanies from Florida!!!!! $2.99 a pound but I got that beat because Sobeys had greenie beanies on sale for $1.99 a pound almost a month ago. I waited until they ran out (I knows the produce manager, see?) and got a rain cheque on accounta I am one smart shopper, eh? I knew the 'real good stuff' would be on the go before me 30 days were up. Got 2.5# of 'em. Got me a cabbage at 25% off through my weekly Air Miles offers. Got me a big bag of Russet spuds from the Saint John River Valley... mmmm-good. Got me an 8# Olymel smoked pork picnic shoulder for $1.49 a pound at the Real Atlantic Stupidstore. I have carrots from "The Valley" in NS in stock.

Tomorrow, I shall decree... LET'S GET FAT! Well, more fat.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Donuel
Date: 28 Apr 17 - 12:03 PM

It goes beyond waxing. It can substitute for nails on blackboard or the good ol water board or a panacea for the bored to get up and do something they normally abhorred.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 28 Apr 17 - 11:42 AM

When you wax poetic does this double as a good way to remove hair?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Donuel
Date: 28 Apr 17 - 11:30 AM

King Solomon's treasure
does not compare to
the amassed immortal treasure
of knowledge purchased by
the precious time
Rap spent in the library


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 28 Apr 17 - 10:03 AM

SONNET λ

When, in disgrace with fortune and men's eyes,
I all alone beweep my outcast state,
And trouble deaf heaven with my bootless cries,
And look upon myself, and curse my fate,
Wishing me like to one more rich in hope,
Featur'd like him, like him with friends possess'd,
Desiring this man's art and that man's scope,
With what I most enjoy contented least;
Yet in these thoughts myself almost despising,
Haply I think on MOAB, and then my state,
Like to the lark at break of day arising
From sullen earth, sings hymns at heaven's gate;
For thy sweet BS remember'd such wealth brings
That then I scorn to change my state with kings.

          --Bill Trudgecudgel, "Sonnet λ," The Collected Sonnets and Stuff. Stratfort-Nearby-Avonlady Job Printing, 1588.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 27 Apr 17 - 02:31 PM

Santiago El Grande. When I would go to the Beaverbrook Art Gallery in Fredericton, NB, I would always begin by sitting on the bench in the atrium and admiring/studying this painting by Sal. It's huge. It dwarfs mere mortals in more ways than one.

http://www.cbc.ca/news/canada/new-brunswick/salvador-dali-other-paintings-return-to-beaverbrook-gallery-1.3045297

Beautiful gallery... hours and hours.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 27 Apr 17 - 01:17 PM

I try to do it on a Dali basis. And, because of the persistence of memory, I try not to repeat myself. There is a manifest mystique about it, something that even a ride in a rainy taxi can't quite dispel.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: keberoxu
Date: 27 Apr 17 - 12:34 PM

Your Imperial Rapturousness,
that is the perfect cue
for Salvador Dali and his waxed moustache.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 27 Apr 17 - 09:06 AM

My Life Mission, my Life Goal, is to make every day a little more surreal for everyone.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Donuel
Date: 26 Apr 17 - 09:28 PM

Without Bullshit Rap, what will all the PhD dissertations be about?

As it is, 20% are plagiarized anyway.





I miss my dog.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 26 Apr 17 - 08:31 PM

That's so sweet, Acme. I loved the pic. Loved the fact that she got "distracted" too. I hope all is well.

Rap!!! Thank YOU. This will now be my "go to" re bullshit rather than the memes I have collected when someone spouts same in threads on the internUt. As far as bullshit goes, this is the classiest I have seen so far. And I be one classy good ol' boy, eh what? I shit you not.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 26 Apr 17 - 07:25 PM

Cinnamon had a re-check at the vet on Saturday, and I had a handful of treats in my pocket to have her do tricks and distract her from her recent idea that maybe the vet's office isn't as happy as place as she thought. There were several small dogs, and while we waited for her antibiotic Rx to be refilled for one more week, a 2-month old beagle puppy made he clear he wanted to play. Cinnamon obliged by lying down and nuzzling the little guy, who climbed all over her like a piece of playground equipment. Every time some part like a butt or an ear got close, Cinnamon got a sniff of her little friend, but she mostly just relished the opportunity to hang out with that guy.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 26 Apr 17 - 05:58 PM

Now read something interesting.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Donuel
Date: 26 Apr 17 - 03:37 PM

All in all Rap has had as challenging a year as they come, yet the keen edge of his humour has not rusted a bit. For he is a jolly good fellow in the best sense of MOAB.

Meanwhile Amos had the intuitive insight to escape the West Coast from the combined radiation of Japan and Korea. This will undoubtedly extend his lifespan by 2 weeks, should folly occur.

Join the two of them via genetic engineering and you get the best of both worlds, instinctive future intuition and immortal past knowledge. The rest of us, the usual gang of idiots, will continue to hold up the NOW.

Oh dang, I just spilled their recombinant DNA samples in my Scotch.
Oh well no harm done.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: keberoxu
Date: 26 Apr 17 - 02:26 PM

Acme, I hope your Cinnamon is feeling better after that rush to the vet.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 26 Apr 17 - 12:57 PM

Some day I will describe the travesty that has limited my visits with MOM. But that day isn't here yet.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Donuel
Date: 26 Apr 17 - 12:38 PM

Rap
Base? To the contrary, I believe the position of keeper of the immortal thought, wisdom and observations of mankind and all its discoveries is a very lofty position in the continuum of life.

A cruel twist of fate prevents me from studying language (the written word) efficiently while blessing me with intelligence beyond my ken and perhaps yours. It is a subtle trap of consciousness akin to 'having no mouth but I must scream'.

Who knows , I may someday learn how to write gooder and bigly.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Donuel
Date: 26 Apr 17 - 11:11 AM

"Consciousness consists of vibrations of quantum energy. "Quantum" means an invocation of the foundation of infinite random organization at the smallest level."

After seeing this robotized re ionization generator I can see I am out of a job posting outrageous alternative cosmology threads.

Rap you may have accidentally made human postings worse and more rare.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 25 Apr 17 - 01:48 PM

Whereas only a few seem to be posting here,
And therefore I detect a drop in the level of effective BS,
Therefore, I believe that everyone should
reionize their electrons.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 24 Apr 17 - 10:11 PM

Bee-Dubya, perhaps a reference to the Dirac Sea will help you to understand.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Donuel
Date: 24 Apr 17 - 10:09 PM

Schadenfreude.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 24 Apr 17 - 12:33 PM

Hi, Mom! Why is being a fish out of water a cliché, but being a fish in water is not?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 23 Apr 17 - 09:25 PM

It's also in A# and sometimes Cb. But Mom told me that alto MOABites are sometimes a lot of treble and can sometimes be downright bass, she thinks we are all children of note and she rarely has to use her staff on us.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 23 Apr 17 - 09:24 PM

I am a recluse. Recluse... from the latin... I don't care for the general public as most, it would seem, suck. Well, at least 50%. Thank goodness the MOAB is a source of (somewhat) sanity for me to rely upon.

Just an observation. Carry on. Smoke 'em if ya got 'em.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Donuel
Date: 23 Apr 17 - 08:57 PM

Sometimes 'a little' is all you need to improve the scansion.
If you can rhyme data with waiter you can rhyme castle with ass hole without objection.

As for the God-like sense of humor in the cosmic ironic jokes created just for mankind to laugh, Rapier has mastered pin point precision with history and language, but the universes are larger than a pin point. He is a better pseudo intellectual than I will ever be.

...Could you please pass the Civet sauce for the kale and pork rind salad?

As I was sayin, nice poem


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 23 Apr 17 - 08:47 PM

Rapaire commenting on rhymes and scansion? Don't even try it. Mwahahaha. I scoff in your general direction, sirrah!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 22 Apr 17 - 11:34 PM

Mom says this is not a non-music thread. It's not about music, but it is in the key of B♭.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 22 Apr 17 - 10:14 PM

You sayin' I ain't a member? Huh? Are ya? Remember, I'm Mom's favorite.


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