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BS: The Mother of all BS threads

Rapparee 23 Oct 13 - 09:09 PM
Amos 23 Oct 13 - 08:48 PM
gnu 23 Oct 13 - 06:48 PM
gnu 23 Oct 13 - 05:54 PM
Amos 23 Oct 13 - 11:05 AM
Rapparee 23 Oct 13 - 07:23 AM
gnu 23 Oct 13 - 06:05 AM
Amos 22 Oct 13 - 10:26 PM
MMario 22 Oct 13 - 09:10 PM
Rapparee 22 Oct 13 - 09:07 PM
Amos 22 Oct 13 - 04:24 PM
Rapparee 22 Oct 13 - 03:37 PM
gnu 22 Oct 13 - 12:51 PM
Acme 22 Oct 13 - 12:33 PM
Ebbie 22 Oct 13 - 11:28 AM
Keith A of Hertford 22 Oct 13 - 10:22 AM
Rapparee 22 Oct 13 - 10:16 AM
Amos 22 Oct 13 - 12:24 AM
Rapparee 21 Oct 13 - 08:47 PM
Acme 21 Oct 13 - 08:25 PM
Amos 21 Oct 13 - 08:22 PM
Amos 20 Oct 13 - 12:50 PM
Acme 20 Oct 13 - 12:16 PM
Rapparee 20 Oct 13 - 07:58 AM
gnu 20 Oct 13 - 07:24 AM
Acme 20 Oct 13 - 02:19 AM
Amos 20 Oct 13 - 01:42 AM
gnu 20 Oct 13 - 01:19 AM
Rapparee 19 Oct 13 - 09:14 PM
Acme 19 Oct 13 - 07:39 PM
Amos 19 Oct 13 - 11:55 AM
gnu 19 Oct 13 - 05:50 AM
Rapparee 18 Oct 13 - 10:37 PM
Acme 18 Oct 13 - 06:51 PM
gnu 18 Oct 13 - 03:41 PM
Amos 18 Oct 13 - 02:09 PM
Pete Jennings 18 Oct 13 - 12:39 PM
gnu 18 Oct 13 - 08:31 AM
Acme 18 Oct 13 - 02:14 AM
Amos 17 Oct 13 - 04:12 PM
Acme 17 Oct 13 - 09:28 AM
Rapparee 17 Oct 13 - 07:52 AM
Acme 17 Oct 13 - 01:49 AM
gnu 16 Oct 13 - 05:44 PM
Rapparee 16 Oct 13 - 02:50 PM
Amos 16 Oct 13 - 02:10 PM
Acme 16 Oct 13 - 01:02 PM
Rapparee 16 Oct 13 - 11:06 AM
Pete Jennings 16 Oct 13 - 06:49 AM
gnu 16 Oct 13 - 05:27 AM
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 23 Oct 13 - 09:09 PM

The law firm I hired had its stationery misprinted. To save their clients money they continue to use the misprinted stationery. You may be certain that the letter is authenic, res ipsos loquitor.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 23 Oct 13 - 08:48 PM

It's been a quiet day in South Woebegone, my home town. Dog and I went to thebeach and she galloped like the wind up and down, ducking and wrassling qwith other dogs, lunging into the surf and out again. She lost a ball, and got all blamey as though it was my fault I didn't have it. Can't win with them lady dogs, no-how. Got a tiny bit of writing done, not enough to pay for passage around the damn sun, though. I swan I am worthless. Maybe I'll just make music.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 23 Oct 13 - 06:48 PM

By the by, b'y... ye noticed how fast ye old Mudcat is runnin? She's a virtual hare in the race today.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 23 Oct 13 - 05:54 PM

Y'all hear that?

I don't here nuthin.

Old Blue be runin on posted land.

Kin I git a pup from the next litter?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 23 Oct 13 - 11:05 AM

Given that his lawyer isn't even sure how to spell his own name, I don't think it will be a problem. He bears the burden of setting the antecedent conditions his own self anyway. So that there dog won't hunt much, I reckon.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 23 Oct 13 - 07:23 AM

Congratulations, good MMario! May she live long and prosper well!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 23 Oct 13 - 06:05 AM

Accept? Just like that? I say fight it!

If ya want, I could get my guy at Pluckem, Phuckem and Chuckem ta call ya. They enjoy being at bar so, given a case such as this, they might even do this pro bonus. Think of all the publicity.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 22 Oct 13 - 10:26 PM

Dear Sirs:

I accept whatever penalty the good Rapparee wishes to demand for my calumnies against him, providing he fully acknowledges and allows equal compensation to me for his own prior (I must emphasize prior) calumnies against my good self.

I feel this would balance accounts between us fairly.


A.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 22 Oct 13 - 09:10 PM

My latest Great niece was born at 7:18 AM tomorrow morning, 10/23/2013.

(Love the oddities that creep in with the World Wide community!)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 22 Oct 13 - 09:07 PM

Dear Mr. Amos,

I am writing this letter on behalf of our client, Mr. Rapparee, who is instituting a lawsuit against you for one dollar (USD 1.00) more than the value of everything you now own, have every owned, or will ever own. You have injured Mr. Rapparee's feelings over and over and left him so low in self-esteem that he needs a ladder to climb up high enough to brush his teeth.

Please let us know the name and address of your attorney or to whomever we should address on this matter.

I remains, Sir,

Sincerely yours,
/s/
Alois de Munie
Senior Partner

Takke, de Monie, and Runne
Attorneys At Law

Attorney-at-Law


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 22 Oct 13 - 04:24 PM

Your poetry, sir? It deserves not the label!
It's duller than cold broth, dried out in the ladle
Your scansion's pathetic! Your lines are clichéd!
You write like a teen who has never been laid!
Your mastery of language, neither subtle nor fair
Brings to mind an old bullock who is losing his hair!
The images are tawdry, and sleepy, and flat!
You, sir, are no poet! ANd that, sir, is that!

Rearden Gnash
Answers to Importunists
Slappem, Scilly and Flee, pubs.
Whackem on Derpayte, 1932


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 22 Oct 13 - 03:37 PM

Huh!

My poetry is better, is best
You can use it for pleasure
To feather your nest
To keep out the cold winds
The blow from the North
Which rattle you blinds
And leave you bereft
Of warmth and sanity
Drive you quite daft
As daft as Old Amos
Sitting there by the hob
Mumbling poesy,
And failing the job.

   --Eldwin Cuthwright Bland IV (Lord Darnettall), Pomes Never Fall Far From The Tree (London: Richard Head Publisher, 1784).


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 22 Oct 13 - 12:51 PM

I must search out further writings of Milf the 3. Damn fine poetry.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 22 Oct 13 - 12:33 PM

There is BS and then there is Nonsense. Here's hoping that our fine BS thread isn't polluted with a lot of the nonsense that cycles through Mudcat below the line.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Ebbie
Date: 22 Oct 13 - 11:28 AM

I too reached into the waters to haul 'er to the surface only to find Amos's face appear. Good job, Amos.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Keith A of Hertford
Date: 22 Oct 13 - 10:22 AM

From the OP.
"Soon there will be only one BS thread"

It is coming to pass.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 22 Oct 13 - 10:16 AM

If you elect not to visit my little old sod shanty on the claim then I must take my fun where I can find it, Amos. If that means helping an inept hangman, well then, so be it.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 22 Oct 13 - 12:24 AM

Fractured, tortured, misshapen BS is still better than none at all.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 21 Oct 13 - 08:47 PM

I spent the day in Williamsburg, VA, assisting the local hangman in giving piratical wretches brought here from Teach's crew a lesson in the Hempen Jig. They shall go no more a-roving, and I do hope that the Governor of Northern Carolina Colony can also be brought to the King's justice for his part in this abomination. Teach himself came here a head.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 21 Oct 13 - 08:25 PM

Good save, Amos! I was just leaning over and reaching down below the water to grab MOM's hand when you propelled her to the top.

WHOOSH!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 21 Oct 13 - 08:22 PM

How now? The Mother's laid alow?
The daftest things in life go past
And her sons sleep down below!
They're doping through the off-watch,
And thwir shirking when they're on,
ANd the Mother swings across the wind
And jobes with every blow.
It ain't at all becoming
Nor seamanlike, I guess,
To slop the lines and slack the yards
On the mother of All BS.
It's a sign of sloppy seamanship
And sinful sloth, I vow
To let the Mother rollick so
While the watch sleeps down below.
So grab that hemp rope starter, mate
And lay onto Rapparee
And I'll go blow the foghorn
In Stilly's ear for free
And you go kick yon Little Hawk
Who missed his wheel again,
And we shall bring her back on course
And set he back in trim.
For the BS track is a long, long track
And it's hard, I do confess,
But nothing a-sea can justify
The slacking of BS!

Milford Togallant Focslupp III
Rambles from FOrard
Salte Soggy Bottomes Press
Whiskers on Planks
1918


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 20 Oct 13 - 12:50 PM

Nothing beats good congress, I concur. Charley did all the scheduling, actually--I just facilitated. We laid on some good snacks and sat around swapping salty numbers.

The call of far-off places subsides, but is never silenced. I am thinking a motor-van would be a nice idea, putting my way across the West, back to the East. For now, the call is muted by the clatter of normal days and tasks, things that call for endurance and regular times.

But when I dream, it is of far away places, where the hills are green, the trees are deciduous, where the Gulf Stream lurks just over the horizon, and all the small rivers of the land strive to answer her silent call.

Just now, though, I must go to CostCo and fill the car, and take the dog for a romp.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 20 Oct 13 - 12:16 PM

Ah, congress! One of our favorite things, when it isn't capital C.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 20 Oct 13 - 07:58 AM

It's okay, gnu. It's okay. Don't fret, unless you play something with frets and then do fret. All will be well. The US Congress assured me of that.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 20 Oct 13 - 07:24 AM

Ahhh, the life of celebrity!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 20 Oct 13 - 02:19 AM

So the folks you missed on your big trip are now headed out to visit you at your house? How did you manage scheduling all of those east coast mudcatters?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 20 Oct 13 - 01:42 AM

I just dropped Charley Noble and wife Judith Barrows off at their hotel after a loverly evening swapping songs and sipping vino rojo. Good times. Bill Dempsey, a highly talented man, came down from Orange County and joined us. Jolly fine times! G'night, y'all!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 20 Oct 13 - 01:19 AM

It's gettin to be far too large, SRS. Got some members who are hell bent, even when warned for near a week to knock that shit off, posting several times a day about the big do just up the road from me which is not mu group's purpose and even triple posting the same links in line with my group's purpose. Sigh. On Monday, I clean house.
There is some good info (hundreds of links) but it's gettin "clouded".


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 19 Oct 13 - 09:14 PM

I've had trouble with frackin' gas but Tums usually clears it up.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 19 Oct 13 - 07:39 PM

It must be a very large page, gnu! Those fracking drillers are all over the country!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 19 Oct 13 - 11:55 AM

I run into gas fracking problems when I eat too much ice cream. Not lately, though....


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 19 Oct 13 - 05:50 AM

Toads are good. For your environment, I mean.

Rap... good on ya!

BTW, if anyone comes across local news about any gas fracking problems, pass em along to me, please. I'd appreciate it and I'll post it on my Facebook group page "Frack".


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 18 Oct 13 - 10:37 PM

Went to the Archives today and found information that will help a sailor get Agent Orange benefits, I hope.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 18 Oct 13 - 06:51 PM

The toads in the yard (there are many, lots of small and several very large) are used to the dogs, and the dogs leave them alone. Apparently toads taste bad. Some of you may recall that I've posted photos of one fellow who used the dog water pan as a toad spa this summer. After about the third evening in one week that I found him in the water I realized it not only wasn't an accident and he was in no danger, he was actually climbing into the pan of water on purpose, to enjoy it, and made a very leisurely exit when he did leave.

That's my reptile story for now.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 18 Oct 13 - 03:41 PM

"Thanks for reminding me of all the Smiles, Google Earth."

Hehee! Freudian snake there. Tho, there were a lot of smiles with my Smilies. Just got another. A wee boy naming a snake Smilie! Heheheee!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 18 Oct 13 - 02:09 PM

Pete:

There is an automated battery driven version of the Brooks Brothers Bread Spreader on the market now, under the label of The Brookstone Breader. It has a chip i it that smells decaying bread and deploys a titanium spatula to scoop it up, and stuff it into an odor-proof plastic baggie--all mounted on a 24-volt RC chassis so you can sit on your duff steering it around from clump to clump. Take up a collection--it's only $2734 US -- and your bread-spread problems will be over.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Pete Jennings
Date: 18 Oct 13 - 12:39 PM

Council in the guise of a Public Health Enforcement Officer sez the early morning activities of the PHANTOM BREAD SPREADER don' constitute littering so it's SFA to do with him.

Excuse me? It ain't feeding the ducks cos they ain't feeding on it, so WTF is it if it ain't littering? Sowin' bread trees?

LH and Chongo have bin gone a while. Think they've eloped?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 18 Oct 13 - 08:31 AM

Yesterday, I flew to 19 Lewis Avenue, Trenton, Ontario. It's not there. But the tree I used to walk my snakes in is. It's a bit bigger now as it is 47 years since I last saw it.

I recall one particular snake. It was a monster of a "Garter Snake". I was walking him in the tree when Mrs. Coles from the house on the other side of the ditch (still there as can be seen by the ground cover) came by with her yappy little dog and asked me what I was doing. I suppose it did look rather odd. A little boy holding a string that reached up into a tree. I replied that I was walking Smilie the 9th. She came close to have a look but couldn't see him. I pointed and she got closer but still couldn't see him so I tugged on the string. That's when she relized what she was suppose to be looking for. That poor dog. I mean, the shriek hurt my ears so he must have gotten more than an earful, not to mention the fact that she ran so fast she drug his yappy little ass half way home.

Smilie the 9th met an unfortunate end. I tethered him to the oil fill pipe next to the door steps so he could take sun or shade as he wished. Under the steps, I placed a water dish and a bucket of frogs and beetles and whatever a 6 year old thought would appease the palette of a snake of Nine's stature. Yes, stature. Even the big kids from as far away as across the field, when hearing of his size, would come to see him. I like to think he enjoyed all the attention. Alas, I recall the fateful day when my father first saw him. I was coming across the field at lunchtime and saw Dad just about to enter the house. He spotted Nine basking in the sunshine whereupon he dismounted from the landing using the railing and made a perfect plant. He saw the string. He raised it up. I screamed and cried. At least Nine died quickly.

I was subsequently forbidden to keep snakes near the house as, "They might scare your mother." He didn't have to say that as I was scared for the snakes and kept the next 17 well out of sight, especially Smilie the 21st. He was a Hog Nose Snake about four feet long. Only kept him a few days. When a bunch of kids would come to see him, he would play dead and he smelled really bad. But, he was cool. Looked like a cobra. When he refused to eat, I took him back to the dump. I guess he preferred rats to frogs.

Thanks for reminding me of all the Smiles, Google Earth.

Hmmm. Ontario. That reminds me? where is LH?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 18 Oct 13 - 02:14 AM

Flying by the seat of his pants, eh?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 17 Oct 13 - 04:12 PM

He's going to do it sitting down. It's the price you pay for living among the feral golfs in Flyover Country...


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 17 Oct 13 - 09:28 AM

Are your arms getting muscular from all of this flying?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 17 Oct 13 - 07:52 AM

I'm flying to DC today.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 17 Oct 13 - 01:49 AM

He's a tad hard on that guitar near the end of that performance! Great song, fabulous blues.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 16 Oct 13 - 05:44 PM

Join the revolet at www.savethefurrylittlecritters.com. Sign the petitition and, please, donate. Send cash only by snailmail to "Voles Matter", 55 Leeside Drive, Moncton, NB, Canada E1C 4L4. I'll personally see that every dollar is well used.

Say, any of youse like blues-rock (IF I can use that term???)? I found a YT vid of the late Canuck Bluesman/rock geetarman Jeff Healy today. The vid is "vintage" in a way and was an intro of sorts to Canucks (and Yanks) of Jeff's laudable talents.

Thanks Jeff. RIP.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 16 Oct 13 - 02:50 PM

Yes, indeed. They have all vanished into a black vole such as exists in the center of our galaxy...and between us and it a great golf is fixed.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 16 Oct 13 - 02:10 PM

Being attacked by lost, feral golfs can be an unsettling experience indeed. You'll notice, for example, that there are no more voles on that fairway, where once their colonies multiplied like fleas. What happened to the voles? In a word, golfs. Once the turfers and drivers and putters and cart drivers moved in, the vole's days were numbered. The multiplication of feral golfs just served as the coup de graceless. Voles and golfs do not mix, as the old saying goes. The greensward stretches out its lethal manicured turfs in a brilliant, vole-less and soulless display of nature's self-inflicted cruelty. And who mourns the vole? No vole-song is heard in the land. A grim, shadowy silence -- a vole vacuum -- is all that is heard. No more will the patter of little vole feet be heard on the prairie. The rhythmic sound of their byways has been replaced by the grim dimpled rattle of the rolling golfs and the chatter of their dribbling into cups hither and yon. Few remain who remember the quiet rhythms of the night when the vole was king, before the coming of the golfs. Fewer still care, and none sing now the ancient vole-hymn under the indifferent moon.

I weep for lost voles.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 16 Oct 13 - 01:02 PM

Get the Phantom Bread Spreader to come visit you Rap and he can cast bread on troubled golfers.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 16 Oct 13 - 11:06 AM

Outside my backyard is a golf course. When we moved here I was all set, but my wife told me I couldn't shoot golf even if I only used a 20 gauge. Well, what she said was, "You shoot it, you eat it" and them golfs are all hard on the outside, tough to peel, stringy and stretchy on the inside, and taste like rubber. So I didn't and now the population has gone out of control and there ain't enough natural feed and sometimes a dog or a kid won't come home after a stroll on the golf course. They ain't attacked an adult yet, but I expect some of the older folks better start worrying, what with winter coming on.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Pete Jennings
Date: 16 Oct 13 - 06:49 AM

Dang, and here's me thinkin' you boys were carryin' heat 24/7 on the look out for bad guys. Guess I'm gonna hafta go the officous route and contact someone with a clipboard or a uniform. Mind you, the guy next door's a golfer so mebbe I can borrow me an iron an' see if it's possible to knock some sense into the PHANTOM BREADSPREADER.

Either that or I can make sure his shirt's bin properly pressed so he looks smart for the sheriff's men an' the judge.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 16 Oct 13 - 05:27 AM

Tea me.


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