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BS: The Mother of all BS threads

Amos 22 May 12 - 09:55 AM
Rapparee 21 May 12 - 09:14 PM
Amos 21 May 12 - 08:36 PM
Rapparee 21 May 12 - 03:11 PM
Amos 21 May 12 - 11:46 AM
Acme 21 May 12 - 11:11 AM
Rapparee 21 May 12 - 09:06 AM
Amos 21 May 12 - 07:39 AM
Acme 20 May 12 - 10:34 PM
Rapparee 20 May 12 - 09:08 PM
GUEST,Chongo Chimp 20 May 12 - 08:16 PM
Amos 20 May 12 - 03:48 PM
Rapparee 20 May 12 - 01:12 PM
Amos 20 May 12 - 02:47 AM
Rapparee 19 May 12 - 05:22 PM
gnu 19 May 12 - 01:49 PM
Acme 19 May 12 - 01:40 PM
GUEST,Chongo Chimp 19 May 12 - 01:19 PM
Rapparee 19 May 12 - 12:10 PM
GUEST,Chongo Chimp 19 May 12 - 02:20 AM
Amos 19 May 12 - 01:51 AM
Rapparee 18 May 12 - 10:54 PM
Rapparee 18 May 12 - 10:45 PM
GUEST,Chongo Chimp 18 May 12 - 10:03 PM
Rapparee 18 May 12 - 09:53 PM
Little Hawk 18 May 12 - 06:23 PM
Rapparee 18 May 12 - 06:01 PM
Little Hawk 18 May 12 - 05:26 PM
Amos 18 May 12 - 03:25 PM
Acme 18 May 12 - 11:52 AM
Rapparee 18 May 12 - 10:16 AM
Amos 18 May 12 - 09:20 AM
Little Hawk 18 May 12 - 08:56 AM
Acme 17 May 12 - 11:49 PM
Rapparee 17 May 12 - 10:15 PM
Rapparee 17 May 12 - 10:14 PM
Little Hawk 17 May 12 - 10:07 PM
Rapparee 17 May 12 - 09:51 PM
gnu 17 May 12 - 07:18 PM
Acme 17 May 12 - 06:24 PM
Amos 17 May 12 - 04:57 PM
Acme 17 May 12 - 04:36 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 17 May 12 - 02:57 PM
Rapparee 17 May 12 - 02:40 PM
Rapparee 17 May 12 - 02:39 PM
Amos 17 May 12 - 12:56 PM
Little Hawk 17 May 12 - 10:12 AM
Amos 17 May 12 - 09:59 AM
gnu 16 May 12 - 03:02 PM
Amos 16 May 12 - 12:46 PM
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 22 May 12 - 09:55 AM

This will be just a little post,
An afterthought, mo more.
For when you see me post again,
'T will be ...


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 21 May 12 - 09:14 PM

Be even better if the Little Pissant part dispensed beer.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 21 May 12 - 08:36 PM

I like it! Not to mention it would form alliances with the locals through sympathetic resonance...



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 21 May 12 - 03:11 PM

A bronze statue of a guy with a beer glass in one hand and the other a la "The Little Pissant" would make a nice fountain and give your backyard a classy touch.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 21 May 12 - 11:46 AM

You could dig a deep hole and plant it, put a copper-tube statue in it of a guy with a beer and a remote. Or use one of those plastic medical school skeletons. Cover it all up with dirt and wait a few thousand years until the archaeologiats discover it and use it to disprove the Clovis hypothesis. THen, laugh and laugh.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 21 May 12 - 11:11 AM

I already started the antibiotic, but I'll probably go in for a checkup anyway in a day or two. Don't want to end up with a kidney infection.

It's a lovely day out and the trash man didn't come yet when I dragged out of bed so I hauled various things down to the curb this morning. MOM, I don't think they're going to want to pickup that broken Barcalounger of yours - the one Gluon sleeps on when she's here. It's pretty gross looking and weighs a ton. Maybe you should cover it over with dirt and plant something on top of it?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 21 May 12 - 09:06 AM

My wife has had two in the last year, the last one was quite nasty and only discovered in the Emergency Room in Cortez, CO. Be sure they do a culture, as the bug could be bactrim resistant.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 21 May 12 - 07:39 AM

I am sorry to hear it. I do hope it all comes out all right.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 20 May 12 - 10:34 PM

Ugg. I'm headed to bed, have a bladder infection. Again. These long drives seem to do me in, even though I drink a lot of fluid and stop regularly. MOM, load up on cranberry juice next time you head to the market.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 20 May 12 - 09:08 PM

Being college in a German-dominated town it was, of course, merely an academic exercise. Then there WERE the chaps who shot at me using a Пистолет-пулемёт Шпагина Type 49, as well as the Автомат Калашникова Type 68. Fortunately they were too far away to use a F1 "Limonka" and didn't have a ручной противотанковый гранатомёт.

But I will only bore you if I truly discussed my youth, such as the reason for the rappelling. I prefer to remain a Man Of Mystery.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Chongo Chimp
Date: 20 May 12 - 08:16 PM

And ya got me to thank for it. I knew he'd cooperate after I mentioned "the file".

- Chongo


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 20 May 12 - 03:48 PM

Holy moly and Mother Machree!! I am hornswoggled, mindboggled, and jaw-joggled!!

There's a hymn in it somewhere, I am sure-- The Day Rapparee Came Clean.


Well done, sir!



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 20 May 12 - 01:12 PM

For example, I never mentioned what I did to fellow who laid me open with a corn knife and I shan't as I wish to spare the sensibilities of the ladies present. Perhaps some evening after dinner, over cigars and brandy in the Gun Room I'll tell you, but not here.

I didn't do anything to him. I still have the scar, and he did himself in years later -- he went to jail for embezzlement, and him an Eagle Scout.

Nor, for the same reason, will I go into the story of the young man who shot at me with a US Rifle, Caliber 7.62mm, M14.

It was an accidental discharge and he missed, although not by much. I greatly enriched my vocabulary that day, taught by the First Sergeant who was standing next to shooter and who grabbed the rifle, cleared it, and....

Or of rappelling down a cliff that was some 200 feet high using only clothesline (no harness).

Back in day...when I was young and immortal.

Or my time as a boatman on The River and the visits to Natchez-Under-The-Hill.

I used to go boating on the Upper River, above Hannibal and below Keokuk. I've been to NUTH twice; it's a nice place and full of history.

Or the duels I fought while in college.

I took fencing (foil) and we dueled nearly every class. Sheesh, that's what you DO in a fencing class!

I have alluded to my friendship with Sam Clemens, but I will not sully his reputation as he is in no position to refute what I might say.

Of course he isn't -- he's been dead since 1910. Just like my friends Heinlein, Chaucer, Cervantes, Asimov and a host of others. They're in no position to refute me because they're all dead and have been for a while. Living authors might punch me in the nose or something.

The Truth, the Whole Truth, and Nothing But The Truth, so help me Hannah. It's hardly MY fault that you don't ask the right questions.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 20 May 12 - 02:47 AM

Pity they left out the "no false witness" part of the Standard American Upbringing Virtues Inventory.

Ah well, one man's fiction is another man's prism, I allus say.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 19 May 12 - 05:22 PM

Into what? I lied. My actual past is quite, well, florid, even blood stained (some of which was mine). For example, I never mentioned what I did to fellow who laid me open with a corn knife and I shan't as I wish to spare the sensibilities of the ladies present. Perhaps some evening after dinner, over cigars and brandy in the Gun Room I'll tell you, but not here.

Nor, for the same reason, will I go into the story of the young man who shot at me with a US Rifle, Caliber 7.62mm, M14. Or of rappelling down a cliff that was some 200 feet high using only clothesline (no harness). Or my time as a boatman on The River and the visits to Natchez-Under-The-Hill. Or the duels I fought while in college. I have alluded to my friendship with Sam Clemens, but I will not sully his reputation as he is in no position to refute what I might say.

I was brought up not to boast or brag and I adhere to the ways I was taught in my youth.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 19 May 12 - 01:49 PM

I dunno, SRS. I stopped readin after Rap's CV. Thanks, Rap... gives me more insight.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 19 May 12 - 01:40 PM

I dozed off . . . where were we?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Chongo Chimp
Date: 19 May 12 - 01:19 PM

Nice try, buddy. Look, I wasn't born yesterday, and my Momma didn't get drunk every day when she was carryin' me neither. I have already done some investigatin', see? I already know a lot of that stuff you said, and the rest fits just right, so I think you were tellin' the truth. You did leave out the part about waterin' down the lemon juice when you were sellin' it on the sidewalk, so as to make bigger profits and take advantage of people's good intentions towards a little kid...but I can understand why you didn't mention that part, cos it's kind of embarrassin', right?

- Chongo


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 19 May 12 - 12:10 PM

How do you know??? I told you something that sounds like it might be true because it doesn't have the b'ar 'rasslin' stuff in it. It could be the cover story given to me by the CIA for Certain Work that I've done for them in the past.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Chongo Chimp
Date: 19 May 12 - 02:20 AM

Nice goin', Rap. I was expectin' you to invent a whole buncha bizarre macho stuff about wrasslin' grizzlies and catchin' bullets in yer teeth and ridin' artillerly shells to ground zero, and jumpin' off at the last moment to grab the enemy Chinese general by the throat, and other nutso tales....but instead, you told the truth.

Well, thanks. I been puttin' together a file on you, and you have just helped fill in a bunch of the blanks. Much appreciated. I'm not gonna tell ya what the file is for. You gotta wait and see.

Amos, you are like a slow drip. Just an annoyin', ugly little noise way off in the background, see? Whyncha give it up? I hardly think Rap needs yer help to defend himself. If he did, he'd be in seeerious trouble! It'd be like a lion callin' fer help from a mouse.

- Chongo


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 19 May 12 - 01:51 AM

The difference being that the tombstones, the mortars, the mines and the bodybags and the libraries were all real, while Chongo's pursuit of feminine gams is entirely fictitious.

I am sure LH will reply, as he has of yore, that all life is fictitious, but some fictions are more fictitious than others. It's a function of agreement, with an exponent defined by affinity index. Since nobody really likes Chongo and he has never done anyone a good turn, the resultant fiction matrix value is very low for him, and therefore he is a pale, thin sorta fiction compared to Rapp. These things are all relative.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 18 May 12 - 10:54 PM

Sorry, Chumpo. You said fifty years.

1963: graduated from high school, enlisted in the National Guard, spent the rest of the year in Basic Combat Training and Advanced Individual Training (Ft. Leonard Wood, Ft. Riley, respectively).

1964: worked, started college.

Ever make tombstones, Chumpo? By hand? And set them by hand? Ever had the only water available come from a well downhill from the graves? Ever worked in a cemetery where you could FEEL that you weren't wanted, that you should hurry up and finish and leave? I have.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 18 May 12 - 10:45 PM

Okay...

In 1965 I was busy fighting one of the biggest floods of the Mississippi River, as well as going full time to college.

1968: Nation Guard unit activated and goes to Chu Lai, Vietnam in support of the 1st Logistics Corps. I end up in Korea.

1969: I'm in Korea serving with Headquarters and Headquarters Company, 7th Infantry Division. As part of my duties I visit the DMZ several times and spend quite a bit of time "in the area." After we drove into a minefield I ground guided the truck back out in its own tracks -- to do this I had to get to the back of truck and out of it without my feet touching the ground. Another time I helped load some leaking body bags into an ambulance. There were other things. Came home, went back to college.

1970: Finished college, got discharged from the National Guard.

1971: Finished two semesters of graduate school and moved to outside Cleveland, OH.

1973: Got married.

1977: Finally finished graduate school and received an MS from Case Western Reserve University.

1978: Started on a second Master's at the University of Akron; did not finish it because they discontinued the program.

1984: Moved to South Bend, Indiana in February. Continued to work.

(I probably should mention that during this time I had been on an advisory board that set up international library borrowing links, among a bunch of other things.)

1991: Start a new position at the same place, running the computers among other things.

1997: Invited guest speaker at a meeting a Cambridge University, England.

2000: Moved to outside Cincinnati, OH.

2003: Moved to Pocatello, OH.

2010: Retired.

All I did was right some wrongs, remove some people, help people, drive Eiseley into grad school, and a bunch of stuff too technical for a stupid chimp to understand.

I should also point out that I am a dead shot with rifle, pistol, revolver, and shotgun. I've fired machine guns (sub- to Ol' Ma Deuce), mortars, recoilless rifles, and various such items. I've studied explosives and demolitions, thrown hand grenades, and in general made a nuisance of myself.

I've also been charged and cleared(when I was an MP, in 1968) with police brutality.

So, Chumpo...what have YOU done to help people?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Chongo Chimp
Date: 18 May 12 - 10:03 PM

You must be seriously lackin' in self-confidence, Rap, to hafta go practicin' character assassination on someone like me. What is it that makes you so insecure? I feel sad fer you. You must really be hurtin' inside.

But, hey....insteada runnin' ME down and wastin' yer breath on tryin' to destroy MY reputation, why not tell the world what YOU have done in the last 50 years or so?

What amazin' and incredible stuff have YOU done that's worth rememberin'? Hmmmm?

Let's hear it. The public wants to know. Stand up like a man and give us yer best shot.

(WARNIN' TO ALL! There is about to be some incredible boastin' happenin' on this thread! Get ready, folks. It will be bizarre, astoundin', and almost none of it will be true, so take a stiff drink and prepare yerselves. Rap is about to sound off...)

KREE-GAH!!! Ook! Ook! ;-D


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 18 May 12 - 09:53 PM

You mean the Case Of The Expired Parking Meter? Where Our Hero barely made it to the meter ahead of the parking meter ticket lady?

Or perhaps you refer to The Sordid Story Of Stolen Romance, where he managed to stop a woman who was leaving the store and had forgotten to pay for her "True Romances" magazine?

Or the Case Of The Empty Cigar Box, in which he found that he'd smoked his last cigar and had to go by a new box?

Or the Adventure Of The Evicted Tenant, where he couldn't pay his rent and got tossed out on the street?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 18 May 12 - 06:23 PM

Oh! What terrible calumnies! You know perfectly well that Chongo has cracked major cases involving murder, international espionage, and all kinds of stuff like that. Why, you can read about a couple of them right on this forum. I refer to the old Chongo Chimp adventure threads.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 18 May 12 - 06:01 PM

I didn't mean politically. I meant in general. Chumpo talks, talks, talks about his detective work but he's never said once what sort of work he does. Probably sordid tailings of wayward husbands or wives so the spouse can get the goods for a bigger divorce settlement. Nothing solid, like cracking a murder or something.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 18 May 12 - 05:26 PM

Well, Rap, I agree that he hasn't yet done anything...in presidential terms...or in political terms...but he can't really do anything until after he's been elected.

And that's why we need to vote in Chongo. ;-) Give him a real chance to abuse political power, bring deep shame upon his office, and squander human lives and material resources before condemning him for not yet doing so!!! This has been done with so many other USA presidents in the past, so why not Chongo? He deserves the chance to commit a massive amount of FTUBARecognition too!

****

Amos, I find your dismissive attitude toward Chongo to be insensitive, rude, and offensive in the extreme. You show no respect or consideration. This is poor behaviour on your part, and you are verging on specism. Let's see a little contrition for a change. A public retraction of your recent unfortunate utterances would be a step in the right direction. An even better step in the right direction would be to follow your own recent instructions, and see exactly where they take you.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 18 May 12 - 03:25 PM

Oh the cocoanut is blooming
And the dandelion's waking
And the dogs are full of dandruff
And it's out your skin is breaking
Will you go, Stilly go?

While your heart is still in it
Go and ask the kindly doctor
At the dermatitis clinic,
Will you go, Stilly go?



Olive oil is good. Tea tree oil is good. Even cocoanut oil (virgin) is good for some folks.

I hope you get it sorted!


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 18 May 12 - 11:52 AM

I will go, but I think it doesn't hurt to do what I can do first to clean up my act and figure out what I'm allergic to. Then whats left the sawbones can take a look at.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 18 May 12 - 10:16 AM

Yeah, but he hasn't DONE anything except run off at the mouth.

Stilly -- GO!! He also shot liquid nitrogen at my head to freeze off a pre-cancerous spot. And just before the Big Prom Date!!!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 18 May 12 - 09:20 AM

Instructions for treatment of chongoitis extremis:

1. Apply lotion to ears.
2. Remove head from ass.
3. Rotate world-view 180 degrees clockwise.
4. Look up at regular intervals.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 18 May 12 - 08:56 AM

He's as well or better qualified than most of your other presidential candidates have been, Rap.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 17 May 12 - 11:49 PM

Rap, I've been too stubborn to go to the dermatologist yet, I've been trying to figure out what I'm allergic to. It may be that coconut is the culprit - it is in almost anything soap or lotion-like these days, hence the inability to treat it with anything.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 17 May 12 - 10:15 PM

Well, if you're talkin' about Chumpo Chimp, he ain't solved nothin' in years and years. He jist talks a good game and tries to convince people to vote him President of the USA even though he was unpleasant and rude to his poor old mother and sister.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 17 May 12 - 10:14 PM

Quality footwear?

I was blaming gnu.

Did I mention I went to the dermatologist today and we decided I have Wray's Disease, also known as necrotizing ichthyosis. We named it after him. He prescribed an ointment, even though there is no known cure for this unknown disease.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 17 May 12 - 10:07 PM

And it's YOUR fault that I am not universally recognized for my unique contributions to quality footwear and my even more unique stories about Chimpanzee detectives!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 17 May 12 - 09:51 PM

Troublemaker. I looked at that link and then searched for the Smothers Brothers and, well, it's your fault I just spent over an hour watching You Tube.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 17 May 12 - 07:18 PM

Spiders & snakes.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 17 May 12 - 06:24 PM

No frogs here, but lots of toads. I imagine a few of the smaller ones have become spider food.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 17 May 12 - 04:57 PM

Good thing they don't know about frogs' legs, huh?


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 17 May 12 - 04:36 PM

I love my tarantulas and snakes, no worry for their welfare, though those in the back yard run the risk of dog-mayhem. They're really quite interesting; the tarantula holes in the back have shell fragments around them because they seem to enjoy escargot. The native snails don't know to avoid those intriguing holes. The spiders drop the shells outside after the meal.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 17 May 12 - 02:57 PM

That's a nice number you got there, cowboy. You interested in tradin' it for a hot night with my cousin Juanita?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 17 May 12 - 02:40 PM

44800...another donation to PETBEN.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 17 May 12 - 02:39 PM

All right, LH. I shall do so. Here goes:

Shame, I am truly sorry that you're a despicable, scum-sucking, hog-molesting, louse-covered, pimply, pox-ridden, barely literate, innumerate, fetid, back-stabbing, rotting, dry-gulching, stinking, pus-filled, putrefying, brain dead, chancre on the otherwise fair face of anencephaly.

I really am sorry, you sorry SOB.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 17 May 12 - 12:56 PM

Fiddlededee, sir!! That ne'er-do-well half-life-form has earned every aspersion ever cast in his general direction, and deserves a biting of thumbs and a murder of sneers to boot!

I assure you, Rapparee should be commended for his modulated self-restraint on that score; compared to what any ordinary fishwife would say about that reprobate, Rapparee's conduct has been most modest and genteel.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 17 May 12 - 10:12 AM

And the right thing is for him to offer Shane a heartfelt and humble apology for all the mean and nasty aspersions he has cast on Shane's character over the years.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 17 May 12 - 09:59 AM

Now, now, Rapp. I can't tell you what to do, but I can certainly correct your confusions or your misplaced motivations. Once that happens, you can be trusted to do the right thing.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 16 May 12 - 03:02 PM

Speaking of Osama Bin Laden, I heard on the radio that US Naval Intelligence released a statement just hours ago. Regarding Binny living in the house in the compound with his five wives for five years, they believe he was the one who called the US Navy Seals.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 16 May 12 - 12:46 PM

I suspect, more likely, you have spun a web of mystery purely for the pourposes of Seeming Important. Of course, you don't NEED to resort to such juvenile stunts, Rapp, because here at Mom's you ARE impotent. I mean important. But old habits die hard and mystifiers are gonna mystify no matter what.

I am sure Mom loves you anyway, even a little bit.


A


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