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BS: The Mother of all BS threads

Acme 24 Aug 11 - 11:40 AM
Rapparee 23 Aug 11 - 11:20 PM
Amos 23 Aug 11 - 10:18 PM
gnu 23 Aug 11 - 03:25 PM
Amos 23 Aug 11 - 02:44 PM
gnu 23 Aug 11 - 01:44 PM
Rapparee 23 Aug 11 - 11:45 AM
Amos 23 Aug 11 - 10:58 AM
Acme 23 Aug 11 - 10:10 AM
Rapparee 22 Aug 11 - 11:12 PM
Amos 22 Aug 11 - 08:28 PM
gnu 22 Aug 11 - 07:32 PM
Acme 22 Aug 11 - 07:02 PM
Amos 22 Aug 11 - 05:24 PM
gnu 22 Aug 11 - 03:34 PM
gnu 22 Aug 11 - 01:48 PM
Amos 22 Aug 11 - 11:55 AM
Acme 22 Aug 11 - 11:51 AM
GUEST,Eiseley 22 Aug 11 - 09:34 AM
GUEST,Eiseley 22 Aug 11 - 09:33 AM
Amos 21 Aug 11 - 10:58 PM
Amos 21 Aug 11 - 10:55 PM
gnu 21 Aug 11 - 06:17 PM
Acme 21 Aug 11 - 03:19 PM
Amos 21 Aug 11 - 02:58 PM
gnu 21 Aug 11 - 02:43 PM
Amos 21 Aug 11 - 02:24 PM
Acme 21 Aug 11 - 02:19 PM
Rapparee 21 Aug 11 - 11:59 AM
Amos 21 Aug 11 - 12:01 AM
Rapparee 20 Aug 11 - 11:35 PM
gnu 20 Aug 11 - 08:06 PM
Rapparee 20 Aug 11 - 07:13 PM
JennyO 20 Aug 11 - 08:19 AM
Rapparee 19 Aug 11 - 11:48 PM
Amos 19 Aug 11 - 11:02 PM
gnu 19 Aug 11 - 02:22 PM
Amos 19 Aug 11 - 01:33 PM
Rapparee 19 Aug 11 - 12:51 PM
Amos 19 Aug 11 - 09:35 AM
JennyO 19 Aug 11 - 06:40 AM
Rapparee 19 Aug 11 - 12:49 AM
Little Hawk 19 Aug 11 - 12:03 AM
gnu 18 Aug 11 - 05:58 PM
Amos 18 Aug 11 - 05:36 PM
Little Hawk 18 Aug 11 - 03:16 PM
gnu 18 Aug 11 - 03:11 PM
Little Hawk 18 Aug 11 - 02:58 PM
Little Hawk 18 Aug 11 - 02:54 PM
gnu 18 Aug 11 - 02:53 PM
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 24 Aug 11 - 11:40 AM

MOM, did you see that we lost John Howard Davies? We've laughed at so many of his programs on the weekend evenings! I know you designed the kitchen and a couple of the bathrooms to be just like in Fawlty Towers, and the back yard is just like the seedy one in The Good Neighbors.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 23 Aug 11 - 11:20 PM

Yes, Aristotle (we called him "Ari") was thinking of me when he wrote that.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 23 Aug 11 - 10:18 PM

The beauty of the soul shines out when a man bears with composure
one heavy mischance after another, not because he does not feel them,
but because he is a man of high and heroic temper.

                      Aristotle


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 23 Aug 11 - 03:25 PM

I wish I could too. This one is pissing me off. Worked on a door selvedge a while ago and had a hard time getting up... and down... and up... and...


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 23 Aug 11 - 02:44 PM

Oh, dear Gawd, Rapparee is having an out-of-body experience!!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 23 Aug 11 - 01:44 PM

To heaven?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 23 Aug 11 - 11:45 AM

Ah. The fog has lifted and I can see the first step on the stairway!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 23 Aug 11 - 10:58 AM

If thou should then the Deckman see,
Pray send him warm regards from me,
And send from yonder Stilly sweet,
Five gallons of that Texas heat.
From Little Hawk, send fantasy
From EIseley, lines of poetry.
From Man of Emms, an auroch steak
As long as you are on the make.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 23 Aug 11 - 10:10 AM

I wish I were there! They've barely had summer this year and we've had way too much.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 22 Aug 11 - 11:12 PM

Here I am on Puget Sound
With mold and mildew all around
The fog clogs up my eyes and nose
And I couldn't see the tide that rose
So my feet are wet, my hair is too
This is a day that I will rue
But tomorrow I will to Port Townsend go
And leave Neah Bay to Makahs and snow
By Thursday I'll in Tacoma be
Juan de Fuca I will no longer see
But I'll call the Deckman as I closer get
And perhaps we can our tonsils wet.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 22 Aug 11 - 08:28 PM

Not to put my friends into a dry comma, but a partial colon is a semicolon, I allus useter say, back in the day. Them friends as I had back then --them as isn't dead or drugged beyond recognition or some such--will affirm I allus useter say that.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 22 Aug 11 - 07:32 PM

20 to 22C on the morrow. Time to COOK!! I snagged 2 pounds a green beans and half pound a yella beans... picked today... and a smoked pork shoulder ($1.49 a pound... up 50p from spring but what the hell eh!). Fresh cabbage, carrots, spuds. We are talkin good eatin for four days for Mum and me, not to mention ham and eggs.

A healthy colon is a friendly colon I always say.

Of course, I will spell her off with some brilliant salmon. One does not pork it every day at 85.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 22 Aug 11 - 07:02 PM

That tornado that passed over Canada may have dropped something in the water on it's way past.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 22 Aug 11 - 05:24 PM

Oh, man, Gnu, they musta put sompn in the water up there. You are waxing lyrical of late!!!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 22 Aug 11 - 03:34 PM

Them there Yella Stripes don't scare any good ol boys down home what ain't done nuthin wrong.

Fact is, ya got yer Blue Jays and yer Grey Jays and yer Yella Js. The Yella Js what fly around lookin fer yer Marypain this time a year is birdbrained anywhay on accounta they will soon be swoopin down on yer big patches what was planted ta keep em busy while the real crops are picked and flicked. Now, some say they are part of the plan but I think them lads is plain stunned as me arse. Orrr, maybe they do they know the general public is clooless an they are in on it... but, I kinda doubt it on accounta most a them come from yer western Canada and yer westerners ain't what we call fully torked eh?

I likes Grey Jays (Moose Birds) best maself. Now, if them Yella Stripes could train a Moose Bird ta find yer Lambkill like I trained em ta find partridge... nah, they ain't got the smarts a yer Moose Bird.

Minds me... I must take a drive up country to a set a lumber roads I haven't been on in years. Back in my MJ days, I scattered HUNDREDS of seeds one day... Mexican Red Hair, Accupuncture Gold, Tied To A Stick... I'll bet the deer are fried man.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 22 Aug 11 - 01:48 PM

She's a peach.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 22 Aug 11 - 11:55 AM

Well seized, Ms Eiseley!! Georgia?? You mean the one in the SE US? Why on earth?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 22 Aug 11 - 11:51 AM

Good for you, Eiseley, on the pear and bagging the number. Keep up the good work, and watch where you're walking.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Eiseley
Date: 22 Aug 11 - 09:34 AM

41800!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Eiseley
Date: 22 Aug 11 - 09:33 AM

Hello Folks,
Here I am in humid Georgia. It's like one huge party here: movies every night, dinners all together, cousins everywhere. Now I'm going to take a walk in the woods. On a walk this morning I found a wild pear tree and ate a pear for breakfast. I haven't seen any cottonmouths yet.

Eiseley


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 21 Aug 11 - 10:58 PM

P.S. Be advised the New Brunswick Royal Canadian Mounted Police (RCMP) - or "J" Division - does not deal lightly with repeat offenders, or with offenders of public codes of decency, or with public displays of perversion.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 21 Aug 11 - 10:55 PM

Dear Mr. Owens:

In light of your inability to produce substantiating information, I am forced tyo consider your forged correspondence from the "Royal Canadian Mounted Police" and all reference to Special Eds as a political parody at best if not some sort of illegal phishing attempt. Please be advised your Internet Service Provider has been advised and monitoring of all messages from an MAC address identified with your immediate geographical location may be monitored in the interests of national security.

Cmdr. R. Preston
New Brunswick Division
RCMP


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 21 Aug 11 - 06:17 PM

Dear Mr. Jessup:

Sergeant Renfrew and his loyal dog Cuddles of the Royal Mounted salute your "Sir Preston", albeit a paltry imitaion, as do The Speicial Eds, the finest Newfoundland has to offer, if I may say so. However, your impersonation of a Royal Mounted officer is a far more severe an offense than the dress-up allegedly proposed by Mr. Owens. Please abate yor impersonation forthwith or we shall have the Special Eds investigate the possibility of sending Sgt. Renfrew and his faithful dog Cuddles ta chew yer ass big time.

Crap! Can't find any relevant clips... too bad!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 21 Aug 11 - 03:19 PM

A tear in the eye works wonders!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 21 Aug 11 - 02:58 PM

Dear Mr Owens:

It has been brought to our attention that you have made public utterances concerning a possible intent to wander the streets and byroads of our fair Province wearing "drag" outfits in an effort to sway the duly appointed officers of the Royal Canadian Mounted Police from the concise and timely fulfillment of their appointed duties in enforcing the laws of vehicle operation on said roads and streets.

Be advised that it is the collective opinion of those said officers familiar with your history in conducting such vehicles on said roads that this plan, if allowed to proceed, would constitute an environmental disaster, and a threat to the well-being both mental and emotional of the citizens of said Province, and a threat to public order and the peacefgul pursuits of lawful business therein.

We therefore wish to place you on formal notice that any gesture on your part to execute said intent will be considered as a hostile act and prosecuted as a felony under the Public Safety Act, a decree which unanimously supported by the individual officers aforementioned.
Please consider this as a final warning in this matter.

Sincerely yours,


Commander Robert L. Preston
Chief of Operations
Royal Canadian Mounted Police, N.B. D.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 21 Aug 11 - 02:43 PM

I suppose you batted those pretty eyes and drawled, "It's just soooo hot officer. Almost as hot as you."

Never works for ME, of course. I get questions like "Have you been drinking today, Mr. Owens?" Even when I try to be nice by saying "Not yet." and offer to have them join me in having a cold one they still get pissy. It is said the RCMP always get their man. Hey, maybe if I dressed up in drag they might be a little more friendly?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 21 Aug 11 - 02:24 PM

Good job, Still!! WElcome home, one and all!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 21 Aug 11 - 02:19 PM

MOM! I'm home, after testing the tolerance of the Texas highway patrol and sheriff's offices for their tolerance of middle-aged mothers taking sons to college via the Interstate Highway system. No fines, just warnings. I'm back home again!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 21 Aug 11 - 11:59 AM

We went by there and there were lots of them hanging on a fence in the water (the tide was out).


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 21 Aug 11 - 12:01 AM

I am sure Mrs Brady is very disappointed that you made off with Brady's oysters.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 20 Aug 11 - 11:35 PM

Had fresh grilled oysters for dinner. Quite tasty. They came from as much as 15 miles away, from Brady's Oysters.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 20 Aug 11 - 08:06 PM

Oh, I birdwatch. The feathered ones. But I really like the other ones, the ones with tits. Sorry, but I celeb(r)ated my tenth anniversary two days ago and it was at least three years before that I saw any, ah, er, birds. Maybe that's part of the reason I go Wildebeeste sometimes. Not enough stress relief.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 20 Aug 11 - 07:13 PM

I like the Grand Tetons.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: JennyO
Date: 20 Aug 11 - 08:19 AM

Gnu, being the innocent that Oy am, Oy couldna believe such references in such an erudite piece of work, like wot this 'ere MOAB is. Mother would be shocked! So would Mither.

Oy loikes tits too, but they are like Liz's tits - blue, great, coal and marsh. They comes to our bird feeder in Zummerzet, just outside our bedroom window, so they get quite close. You might say we are bosom buddies.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 19 Aug 11 - 11:48 PM

I had a mither once, but my brother ran it aground on the Shoals of Herring. Terrible wreck. He was lost at sea for literally hours and thought he'd have to cut off his own arm so he'd have something to eat. Fortunately the Coast Guard and some other boaters rescued him, helping him push off the sandbar before he had to start drinking his own urine for water. The mither was lost, stove in, never to sail again. For many years it was used as a navigational aid on the Mississippi until the Great Flood of '37 swept it away.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 19 Aug 11 - 11:02 PM

Alas,our rancorous and contumacious squabbles have depressed the spirits of our Sainted Mither.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 19 Aug 11 - 02:22 PM

JennyO... you couldn't believe that Oy loikes tits? I just can't believe that.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 19 Aug 11 - 01:33 PM

Rapparree, your data is so removed from reality that it would give somebody a bad trip just to download it. Really, man, get a grip, put down the opium pipe, leave the squalid Chinese dope den and return to the safe and sober bosom of your family. I beg you. The clock in the steeple strikes two.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 19 Aug 11 - 12:51 PM

North it was. I wasn't running the ship, you, Amos, was. Boats I've navigated have never run aground.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 19 Aug 11 - 09:35 AM

16??46??33??N , 3??00??34??W? Odd place to run ashoal-        -Askia Mohamed Blvd, Timbuktu, Mali. This may have been a hashish dream on your part. If you meant South lat you are sitting in the Angola Basin without a shoal in sight or in deep water off the coast of West Africa...


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: JennyO
Date: 19 Aug 11 - 06:40 AM

And WHY did nobody pick up on my tit joke? C'mon eh? That was a good joke. What? Are you all so oneupmanship you can't give credit where credit is due? GeezeOH eh? At least a simple haha pat on the back?

I picked up on it all right, but I couldn't believe my eyes ;)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 19 Aug 11 - 12:49 AM

Gentleman? AND Captain of a ship? You're kidding, right? Franklin was the last gentleman captain and look where it got him.

Amos is of the flog-'em-all-daily school of seamanship. Why, once when he was flogging the cabin boy he ran ashoal at 16°46′33″N / 3°00′34″W, a terrible fate for such a great navigator. Of course, he got off when the tide came in. A neap tide it was, and lifted his ship right off the shoal.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 19 Aug 11 - 12:03 AM

I think wintering the RR in Halifax would be a great idea, Amos. It would give you reason to visit the East in the summertime and do a bit of pleasant sailing over this way, then head back to sunny Socal when the snow comes. Hopefully, your novel will become a bestseller shortly and enable you to live the life of an intinerant gentleman of leisure.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 18 Aug 11 - 05:58 PM

There ya go, A. Anchor her in Halifax. Cruise the coast and take yer Capers on as crew. Even is the bosuns don't have bosoms.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 18 Aug 11 - 05:36 PM

Actually, because the sail plan is so divided up into small areas, she can be single-handed comfortably enough, if you don't mind going without sleep. Or catching ten-minute snoozes for a week at a stretch.

LH, there are numerous options of which the Canal is one. There is also a path across the top, you know, although RR is not really cut out for Arctic weather the way that the Issuma is. Then there is the simple expedient of pulling her sticks and shipping her over, for example, from Brownsville or Pensacola, or Vera Cruz. Neither Drake's Passage nor the Straits of Magellan appeal to me whatsoever. I like the idea of the Canal, or even wintering her in Halifax.

I've always had a fascinated fondness for charts and maps. They lead to such fancies!!!! :D

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 18 Aug 11 - 03:16 PM

I'm sayin' that you might be a couple short of a 6-pack, but that's still way better than havin' NO BEER AT ALL!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 18 Aug 11 - 03:11 PM

Are you suggestin I am nuts? What's yer problem?

They said "irritability" might be a side effect. IRRITABILITY? REALLY? YA THINK SO? Repeat that just one more rep ya... in thru the nose, out thru the mouth... I am the hill... fer fuck sake... I ammmm the hillll... ahhhh

I need a smoke.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 18 Aug 11 - 02:58 PM

One teste is better than none at all, gnu.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 18 Aug 11 - 02:54 PM

Did you note that Rapparee has suggested you were in command of the Persian fleet at Salamis? Methinks he is pulling your beard, Amos.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 18 Aug 11 - 02:53 PM

A.... ye live in Calleeforneeahhhh, the land of the rich and richer. I assume if I had your money, I would burn mine.

And WHY did nobody pick up on my tit joke? C'mon eh? That was a good joke. What? Are you all so oneupmanship you can't give credit where credit is due? GeezeOH eh? At least a simple haha pat on the back?

Yeah... quitting smoking is rough. Makes one teste. Why do you ask? Don't ask again. Yer pissin me off with all these questions. I can't deal with this kinda stress. I need a month an a schooner.


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