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BS: The Mother of all BS threads

Amos 17 Jul 09 - 03:37 PM
Rapparee 17 Jul 09 - 03:31 PM
Acme 17 Jul 09 - 10:39 AM
Rapparee 17 Jul 09 - 08:34 AM
Bee-dubya-ell 16 Jul 09 - 10:42 PM
Rapparee 16 Jul 09 - 09:59 PM
Amos 16 Jul 09 - 06:57 PM
Rapparee 16 Jul 09 - 05:48 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 16 Jul 09 - 04:37 PM
Amos 16 Jul 09 - 04:26 PM
Acme 16 Jul 09 - 03:23 PM
Rapparee 16 Jul 09 - 03:21 PM
Amos 16 Jul 09 - 10:38 AM
Rapparee 16 Jul 09 - 09:46 AM
Acme 15 Jul 09 - 11:50 PM
Amos 15 Jul 09 - 11:19 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 15 Jul 09 - 09:02 PM
Amos 15 Jul 09 - 04:39 PM
Rapparee 15 Jul 09 - 04:24 PM
Amos 15 Jul 09 - 04:10 PM
Rapparee 15 Jul 09 - 03:55 PM
Amos 15 Jul 09 - 01:56 PM
Rapparee 15 Jul 09 - 09:32 AM
Acme 14 Jul 09 - 11:48 PM
Amos 14 Jul 09 - 11:34 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 14 Jul 09 - 08:39 PM
Amos 14 Jul 09 - 07:27 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 14 Jul 09 - 04:45 PM
Amos 14 Jul 09 - 03:17 PM
Acme 14 Jul 09 - 02:55 PM
Amos 14 Jul 09 - 02:11 PM
Rapparee 14 Jul 09 - 12:56 PM
Amos 14 Jul 09 - 11:56 AM
MMario 14 Jul 09 - 11:38 AM
Amos 14 Jul 09 - 11:23 AM
Acme 14 Jul 09 - 11:15 AM
Amos 14 Jul 09 - 11:04 AM
Amos 13 Jul 09 - 10:35 PM
Amos 13 Jul 09 - 10:32 PM
Rapparee 13 Jul 09 - 10:01 PM
Amos 13 Jul 09 - 08:58 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 13 Jul 09 - 08:09 PM
Rapparee 13 Jul 09 - 06:53 PM
Amos 13 Jul 09 - 06:29 PM
Acme 13 Jul 09 - 05:51 PM
Rapparee 13 Jul 09 - 03:50 PM
Amos 13 Jul 09 - 03:42 PM
Rapparee 13 Jul 09 - 03:05 PM
Amos 13 Jul 09 - 01:03 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 13 Jul 09 - 12:50 PM
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 17 Jul 09 - 03:37 PM

You could make a killing selling cold pancakes in plastic bags to Japanese markets, and calling it Fly Blead. Just put out the viral message that it is the hottest thing in America at present. Then turn around and sell it through 7-11 claiming the Japanese are crazy about it.



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 17 Jul 09 - 03:31 PM

And not all bread is baked. There's fry bread, for instance.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 17 Jul 09 - 10:39 AM

Don't give them any ideas!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 17 Jul 09 - 08:34 AM

Turn those kilns into bakery ovens -- you've got a whole new career ahead of you.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 16 Jul 09 - 10:42 PM

I noticed that the makers of Dexpan also make Ornamental? finials for iron fences. How the hell were they able to register a trademark for the word "ornamental" as applied to finials? All finials are ornamental! Wouldn't that be like registering a trademark for Baked? Bread?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 16 Jul 09 - 09:59 PM

Suppose he were to use Dexpan. Would that cause any problems with your thesis, Amos?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 16 Jul 09 - 06:57 PM

BeeDub,

I think to claim you got a hole in one of your balls of such size is just sheer braggodocio on your part, no matter what you filled it with.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 16 Jul 09 - 05:48 PM

The last time I played golf I shot a 64, figured I wouldn't do any better on the second hole, and quit.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 16 Jul 09 - 04:37 PM

I got a hole in one the one time I played golf. The hole was about the size of a motorhome and was full of sand. It was kinda hard to miss.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 16 Jul 09 - 04:26 PM

I would say he is much to young for his balls to be sanctioned, Still. At most, he might get a reprimand from Juvie.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 16 Jul 09 - 03:23 PM

Is that a PGA sanctioned ball?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 16 Jul 09 - 03:21 PM

A six-year-old boy in Michigan used a three wood on an 85 yard shot to make a hole in one.

He was using a Sponge Bob Squarepants ball.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 16 Jul 09 - 10:38 AM

My mind is in a whirl as I compare and contrast Rapaire's dry didactic message with the image of Stilly bathing in the moonlight, guarded by hounds. Each has its own import, its own burden of life force, its own explanation of how living ought best to be accomplished. I don't think I need to tell you where I come down in this argument.



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 16 Jul 09 - 09:46 AM

Words of Wisdom:

1. Try not to kill anyone when you're naked.
2. Always wear clean underwear in case you're in an accident.
3. Have 3 pieces of all clothes: one to wear, one in the wash, and one in the drawer ready to wear.
4. Always have six months worth of gross salary in the bank.
5. Never stand on the gunwales of a floating canoe.
6. Get away as they reload.
7. Store blasting caps away from the explosive.
8. If you're driving near a fire scene, try not to crash into the big red trucks if you can help it.
9. Always wear your muffler, mittens, and boots in cold weather even if you don't wear anything else.
10. Always be humble and never confuse others.

These are some of the rules I try to live by. Thank you for asking.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 15 Jul 09 - 11:50 PM

No mosquitoes, Amos. The lights were off and the running water kept them away. How often do we city dwellers get a chance to stand naked in our yards and wash away the day's cares with shampoo, wash cloth, and a bar of soap? It's quite liberating. I could do it again tonight, but the family is back from vacation so I have a kid in the house who never goes to bed early, even when I tell him to (midnight). The dogs thought I was a little nuts, but they sat out of the splash range and watched to see if there was any food involved in taking a shower. Nope. But they were good company. :)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 15 Jul 09 - 11:19 PM

I trust, sir, such passages as are presneted as said wisdom do not leave you feeling cornered. There is no question yon manne of Bookes hath a whey with words, and a sensibility to curdle the richest bluid.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 15 Jul 09 - 09:02 PM

Well, I hunger for it as Miss Muffett hungers for her curds and whey!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 15 Jul 09 - 04:39 PM

I hunger for it, sir, as the marksman hungers for his bird.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 15 Jul 09 - 04:24 PM

Well, thank you Amos. That got me this neat little box thingie to post in, which I am doing since I assume you want to read more of my wisdom.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 15 Jul 09 - 04:10 PM

PAste this in, Sir, and delight:

http://www.mudcat.org/thread.cfm?threadid=59418&messages=23392&page=1&desc=yes&RequestTimeout=500#reply


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 15 Jul 09 - 03:55 PM

I tried, I tried, I tried, Mom knows,
But I timed out continuously.
I tried in rains and mountain snows,
Timed out! Time out! said the MC.

And so I trundled off to lunch
Resolving upon my return
To try again, to try to a bunch
'Til the "Time Out!" tide did turn.

So here I am, all fresh and sweet
Like any fair mountain boy
I've even washed my hands and feet
And I'm Mom's pride and joy.

    --Ernest Rutherford Gillbladder, Odes Compleat.
       Hangtown: U. of Calif. Press, 1906.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 15 Jul 09 - 01:56 PM

Across and down the mountain side!
Down gullies, hills and ridges!
Past Palin, gays, and pickled flight,
And phony Richard Bridges!
Past migraines and the begging cat,
And global warming warnings!
And ancient ducks, and cannibuses
ANd other thoughts, alarming,
Our Mom falls down--she's heard all that!
WHat thoughts they have, she's thought 'em!
And only I come to her side
To keep her from the bottom.

Threads on Threads
Ben Lifften Mamudder
"Songs of A Meandering Mum"
Seau, Watt, Lessfinea, Pub.
Threadneedle Street, 1897


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 15 Jul 09 - 09:32 AM

Now THAT gal has guts. Poison ivy AND mosquito bites...wow. THAT'S self-control.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 14 Jul 09 - 11:48 PM

It seems that this is a medium sort of shot as far as pain. That's why the butt.

Trouble with poison ivy is that the spots itch in hot water, so I'm going to have to take cool showers until it clears up. It's such hot weather, maybe I should go out on my patio and use the showerhead on the garden hose (my emergency shower if I'm working out there on a hot day and feel like I need to cool off fast). Would mosquito bites make me any more miserable than this ivy? Probably not. Look out, I'm getting my towel and shampoo and heading out into the yard. MOM, throw rocks at anyone who decides to invade my privacy. Thanks.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 14 Jul 09 - 11:34 PM

Well they give you the shot in the butt so you can bare your arms. There's nothing in the Constitution about the right to bare butt.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 14 Jul 09 - 08:39 PM

Naw, the Second Amendment's about the right to bare arms. Stilly's arms aren't bare. They're covered in all kinds of things: calamine lotion, Iverest, but mostly itchy, runny sores.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 14 Jul 09 - 07:27 PM

BEcause of the Second Amendment.



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 14 Jul 09 - 04:45 PM

How come they give you a shot in th' butt when it's yer arms and legs that itch?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 14 Jul 09 - 03:17 PM

NO SCRITCHING!!!!!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 14 Jul 09 - 02:55 PM

I heard it at least that long ago. Our conversation was around 1996-97, and it turned up in the book that came out after that.

MOM, they gave me a shot in the butt and that area is a little tender. Pills and lotion top of the treatment, all for a little poison ivy.

scratch         scratch
scratch   scratch    scratch scratch scratch
scratchscratchscratchscratchscratchscratchscratchscratchscratchscratch


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 14 Jul 09 - 02:11 PM

You probably did many things vainly back then, but I am sure you have matured since ; just look at your well-mannered posts on this thread!

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 14 Jul 09 - 12:56 PM

I tried vainly to see the screen of the small black-and-white television in Day Room. Sometimes, through the crowd of Koreans and GIs, I could get a glimpse of something.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 14 Jul 09 - 11:56 AM

"...The astronauts gasped at the sight of Earth, a blue and white orb sparkling in the blackness of space, in contrast to the dead lunar surface in the foreground. People at home saw the full Earth only in black-and-white television images. Even so, the sight moved the poet Archibald MacLeish to write in The Times on Christmas Day:

"To see the Earth as it truly is,
small and blue and beautiful in that eternal silence where it floats,
is to see ourselves as riders on the Earth together,
brothers on that bright loveliness in the eternal cold ?
brothers who know now they are
truly brothers."

After the mission, NASA released the color pictures the astronauts had taken of "Earthrise." These were even more inspiring and humbling, the mission's prized keepsake. Time magazine closed out the troubled year with the Earthrise photograph on its cover, with a one-word caption, "Dawn." ..."

((NYT)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 14 Jul 09 - 11:38 AM

and elementary school playgrounds since the early 60's


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 14 Jul 09 - 11:23 AM

The Minnie/Goofy jibe? Aw, shucks, I am flattered but I canna take the credit. It has been circulating the 'net since 1995 I think!


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 14 Jul 09 - 11:15 AM

Amos, I told that joke to a writer friend while he was in the middle of a novel. He thought it was so funny he stuck it into the novel.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 14 Jul 09 - 11:04 AM

It's been a mad hour or two at Home Woebegone, my dank den in the wall of Southern California existence. The SDG&E electrician came at 2 and tested my electric meter finding it accurate to within .2%. The fireplace man came and installed the newly purchased screen over the newly renovated fireplace. The electrician reprogrammed the meter to reflect the solar system's contribution correctly. With delight, I watched the afternoon sun drive the meter down by two kilowatt-hours before the sun sank over the hill to the West and into the great ocean beyond it.

We are still witholding the final payment to the solar company until we see a reasonable correspondence between the meter, the solar system's reported production, and our known pattern of use over the last five years. It is my fond hope these figures will correlate properly now that the variable of the meter has been eliminated.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 13 Jul 09 - 10:35 PM

And that was Three Oh Three Three Oh!!



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 13 Jul 09 - 10:32 PM

Nah, obviously you don't have the inside scoop as tight as you'd like to think. That Minnie, man, she's fuckin' Goofy!



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 13 Jul 09 - 10:01 PM

Who's the leader of the club that's MADE for you and me?
M-I-C K-E-Y MOUSE.

[emphasis supplied]

Then they did roll call.

Now Amos, if you weren't there for roll call you didn't get to "made" any of them: not Annette, not Darlene, not Jimmy, nobody. If you had been you would have been paired up, most likely (in your case) with Minnie.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 13 Jul 09 - 08:58 PM

I didn't realize the Mouseketeers were such swingers!!! Why did no-one tell me this back in Annette Funicello's heyday????



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 13 Jul 09 - 08:09 PM

The conventional wisdom is that south Florida is Democrat country, north Florida is Republican country, and central Florida is "swing" country where the outcome of Florida elections is often decided.

Ironic that so much can be riding on the Mouseketeer vote, isn't it?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 13 Jul 09 - 06:53 PM

Whole-body x-rays cured my wife when she was 7 years old. Of course, she got thyroid cancer ten years later....


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 13 Jul 09 - 06:29 PM

OWWWOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!! Cold showers and soap? Calomine? Topical antihistamines or ... it is ORFUL stuff....



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 13 Jul 09 - 05:51 PM

MOM, I'm trying to do the smart thing. I made an appointment with my doctor because I got into poison ivy over the weekend. It goes on and on and on and spreads and spreads and spreads so maybe if I get a gel or pill or shot I can knock it out? My itch tolerance isn't as high as my pain tolerance.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 13 Jul 09 - 03:50 PM

There used to be two, but one turned Republican when he was threatened with a hanging chad.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 13 Jul 09 - 03:42 PM

One? One man nearly elected Al Gore? SIngle handed??   Would we had two such in Florida!


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 13 Jul 09 - 03:05 PM

Now, now -- nobody is saying that you have inorganic potatoes.... And everyone knows that there is at least one member of the Democratic Party in Florida (he's hiding in the swamps, though).


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 13 Jul 09 - 01:03 PM

Well, perhaps a national Potato Transport System needs to bew funded by which Dem potatoes get discount, or mass-packed rates and get one seat per case, while Republican potatoes get one seat per spud, with extra charges for tiny seat belts of they are lean AND Republican.



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 13 Jul 09 - 12:50 PM

Hold on just a goll-darned minute here! My potatoes were grown organically in soil which has been tested and found to be 100% free of lingering pesticides, chemical fertilizers, and Republicanism. To have Republican potatoes, you must have Republican potato growers and, since most Florida Republicans buy their potatoes from the supermarket, it follows that most home-grown potatoes are Democrats.

The only notable exception would be commercially grown potatoes. They're probably 80% Republican, but they're mostly grown in and around a little town called Spuds, which is 400 miles from where I live (though only 25 miles from where my Republican parents live).


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